FabSwingers.com forum: Should I make a move now?

By *ncognito22x OP Man
over a year ago

Derry

A co worker I’d love to go out with has handed in her notice. She’s married with kids but has openly confessed to being unhappy in her marriage. We’ve got quite close over years talking and flirting but I never had the courage to make a move because we work together.

Should I make a move before she leaves?

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By *ohn400Man
over a year ago

Dublin or anywhere

Ya go for it...she can only say F..k of

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By *og-ManMan
over a year ago

somewhere

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By *antanaMan
over a year ago

The Upside Down

Go for it, she leaving anyway so if you get knocked back it won't matter.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Well I always say you need an exit strategy so as far as being colleagues, that's out of the way for you.

But be sure of what kind of pool you want to be taking a dip in.

You could get hurt.

She could get more hurt on top of her imploding marriage.

So many things to warn you off of this.

Maybe just let her know you find her attractive, etc. but you know she has a lot going on & If she's free in the future to meet/date/fuck* get in touch.

Please don't make her situation harder than it is or than it needs to be

*delete depending on what you want from her.

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By *ustBoWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in Co. Down

Only you can answer that. You know her no one on here knows the situation and asking a load of strangers won't matter anyhow. You're a grown adult only you know how you both have interacted with each other and what repercussions can happen if you do decide to make a move. It won't matter what anyone says on here. Half will probably say yes the other half will say no and you will choose whatever suits your own agenda anyhow in the end.

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By *ealitybitesMan
over a year ago

Belfast

She's already making changes in her life if she's changing jobs and probably doesn't need any further complications at the minute but as already said no-one here knows her circumstances or yours so base your decision on your own gut feeling.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Is the reason you didn't have the "courage" because its more about the fantasy of having her, than it is about actually having her, listen to your gut.

Genuinely how do you actually see it playing out?

I for one wouldn't go adding more complications to what already seems a messy situation. Doubt it would be fair on either of you?

Just my opinion

At the end of the day your a grown ass man, you'll have to Stand up and either jump or watch it pass by.

Good luck either it though

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By *eardedvillainMan
over a year ago

Bangor N.Ireland

Get er bucked

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Get er bucked

ha ha or that

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By *ildGroverMan
over a year ago

rathfarnham

She’s probably thinking

“I’m going to miss my gay buddy from IT”

Just kidding ….. your probably not IT

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By *acob12369Man
over a year ago

URPANTS

That's what leaving parties are for

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By *itemeagainMan
over a year ago

Wexford

"A co worker I’d love to go out with has handed in her notice. She’s married with kids but has openly confessed to being unhappy in her marriage. We’ve got quite close over years talking and flirting but I never had the courage to make a move because we work together.

Should I make a move before she leaves? "

I can't tell you what to do ... however I will tell you how I feel . For me its a case of respecting myself to much to get involved with someone I know isn't single and isn't ready . Ij I liked her i would also respect her too much to risk damaging her relationship.

I would not make a move unless she was single and not rebounding.

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By *uess.who30Man
over a year ago

Galway/Dublin/London

I suggest the real question you need to ask yourself is "Why now"? Because time is up? Because if its a negative response you won't have to face the percieved "Embarresment" of rejection..? Is it because its more of a sexual desire rather than mental one and you havent really considered the after effects for her as much as you have for yourself?

I'm not going in on you.. i just think you should consider them.

You should also consider her perception of it and the timing especially.. as although you may feel its the ideal timing, she may take it as the worst timing and be disrespected by your advances only now rather than previously if she felt the same?

I don't think being colleagues was really a wall for ye if her marriage etc wouldn't be a problem and although that sexual chemistry may be shared.. i would hazard a guess that should she be seeking an affair it would be for valid reasons and to make her happy (from the unhappy marriage) which is usually something sought over multiple occasions rather than a one night thing at a work party or whatnot..

Lastly, have you also considered that if you have taken it up wrong and she was to tell her husband, that her not being a work colleague any longer wouldn't protect you from him potentially showing up to knock your head off? Lol if anything her not working there anymore would likely raise the possibility of that happening..

Just saying to weigh it all up... the scenario may be seen the same as the guy whos been staring at a girl all night in the pub... but only goes to talk to her at last orders when the lights come on fully.. a very bad look imo

I'm sure you'll figure it out.. just be careful with people's lives too

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If she is not in a relationship that is open to meeting other people and her husband walks away over the affair? Impacting in the children's lives, are you going to man up and pick up the pieces over lust?

Are you going to support her while the life she knows falls apart and she needs to rebuild it. No matter how unhappy she may say she is, its dam scary bringing a child up on you're own with no support and hard work.

Maybe stay in touch, and wait for ut to break itself and pick up the process after.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If she is not in a relationship that is open to meeting other people and her husband walks away over the affair? Impacting in the children's lives, are you going to man up and pick up the pieces over lust?

Maybe stay in touch, and wait for ut to break itself and pick up the process after. "

This sounds like the best thing to do, if you’re not prepared to be responsible for the children and the marriage you could potentially break up you shouldn’t do it

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By *uess.who30Man
over a year ago

Galway/Dublin/London

Ermm.. i think that a bit heavy to be putting on OP and seems like a very specific scenario?

I wouldn't be one to get involved with people who are not single/open and sure the OP may be the catalyst for such a scenario to potentially arise.. but it would not be him that causes that.

It would be her decision to cheat.. (The OP wouldn't be cheating, but would be conscious she was)

The Husbands Decision to leave..

If he should leave, it would be extremely unlikely that he would just stop loving his children and abandon them.. but rather just him leaving her..

And those are the types of heavy consequences and considerations that a wife/mother (or Husband/Father) needs to consider before cheating rather than the other person.. it is their life/loved ones that are being risked.. not the OPs

Thats why these topics are so divisive/unclear

To suggest the OP would need to "Man up" is a weird one to me as in all honesty its suggests a woman cant manage without a man of some kind to support her and even if he were wanting to... it would likely be much more damaging for the children rather than just a parental split

Being a single parent is definitely tough.. but for the OP thats just trying to get advice on potentially making a move (or maybe not) its very heavy to suggest..

I mean i wonder has he looked into funeral arrangements and life assurance policies for the two of them also before making any move? Lol

Overall, i think you mean you advise the OP to just not do it as the potential risks would out weigh the short term reward?

I also think you should look to educate yourself over the phrase "Man Up" and what it implies, the message it sends and severe impact it can have on young men/boys mental health and emotional development...especially if you any young males in your life.

Sexism may primarily flow in one of 2 directions.. but don't forget it always a 2 way street..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Maybe stay in touch, and wait for ut to break itself and pick up the process after. "

This

There are consequences to any action you make.

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By *exmark12Man
over a year ago

Rathcoole/Roscommon/Mayo

A casual approach Would u like a drink somewhere before you leave .....see how that goes.....

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By *itemeagainMan
over a year ago

Wexford

"Ermm.. i think that a bit heavy to be putting on OP and seems like a very specific scenario?

I wouldn't be one to get involved with people who are not single/open and sure the OP may be the catalyst for such a scenario to potentially arise.. but it would not be him that causes that.

It would be her decision to cheat.. (The OP wouldn't be cheating, but would be conscious she was)

The Husbands Decision to leave..

If he should leave, it would be extremely unlikely that he would just stop loving his children and abandon them.. but rather just him leaving her..

Thats why these topics are so divisive/unclear

Being a single parent is definitely tough.. but for the OP thats just trying to get advice on potentially making a move (or maybe not) its very heavy to suggest..

I mean i wonder has he looked into funeral arrangements and life assurance policies for the two of them also before making any move? Lol

Overall, i think you mean you advise the OP to just not do it as the potential risks would out weigh the short term reward?

Sexism may primarily flow in one of 2 directions.. but don't forget it always a 2 way street..

I would imagine that what is ment here is that when you consider having an affair with a married mother , then you need to consider all involved, unless of course you see it as ,, its only the person in the relationship that is actually cheating.

I think this is a somewhat immature if not even selfish way to avoid responsibility for your part.

I would agree you may not be responsible for their break up but providing the catalyst may play a key part and thus comes with responsibility and ramifications for ALL involved.

To suggest that if the shit hits the fan because of your catalytic input, then you are in no way responsible, is ludicrous at best and down right denial.

Remember every action.....

Be responsible for yours

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Ermm.. i think that a bit heavy to be putting on OP and seems like a very specific scenario?

I wouldn't be one to get involved with people who are not single/open and sure the OP may be the catalyst for such a scenario to potentially arise.. but it would not be him that causes that.

It would be her decision to cheat.. (The OP wouldn't be cheating, but would be conscious she was)

The Husbands Decision to leave..

If he should leave, it would be extremely unlikely that he would just stop loving his children and abandon them.. but rather just him leaving her..

Thats why these topics are so divisive/unclear

Being a single parent is definitely tough.. but for the OP thats just trying to get advice on potentially making a move (or maybe not) its very heavy to suggest..

I mean i wonder has he looked into funeral arrangements and life assurance policies for the two of them also before making any move? Lol

Overall, i think you mean you advise the OP to just not do it as the potential risks would out weigh the short term reward?

Sexism may primarily flow in one of 2 directions.. but don't forget it always a 2 way street..

I was in this situation but the female in it, where I strayed and became the single mom over last.

I meant man up as in take some kind of responsibility for your actions, I was swayed over last. Promised the stars moon and sun.

The result was me cheating on my sons father, him f'ing off and never talking to me again even though we were close and had years of friendship before then. I became a single mother, with very little support at the time because everyone hated me for what I had done. I got extremely lucky that my sons dad adores him but I know alot more whose father's didn't step up and don't pay even bother paying child support once the wife goes!

So maybe some of my wording is not politically correct but OP can not consider something selfish on his side without responsibilities for his actions as well

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