FabSwingers.com forum: Timewasting guilt

By *heBlowins OP Couple
over a year ago

West Cork

A bit of a different perspective than the more typical, "you don't owe anyone anything here" rhetoric...

Neither of us feels we owe anyone anything but we also enjoy being pleasing people, myself (Mr.) especially. I'm much more comfortable with giving than receiving (in general, not just sexually).

Sometimes (thankfully rarely), my niceness and accommodating nature is incorrectly perceived here as submissiveness and/or a cuckold thing which isn't my thing.

But I do actually feel bad for people we chat to and are eager to meet us, only for our schedules to never align or life gets in the way, resulting in the inevitable "time wasting".

We can't meet everyone obviously but I wonder if anyone else ever feels even a tinge of guilt for unintentionally stringing people along?

Just putting this out there as I wonder if anyone else feels the same.. not seen it talked about.

Thanks for coming to my TED talk y'all

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I wouldn't see that as time wasting though.

It's just life.

The intention to meet is actually there, if you were truly time wasting - that intention to meet wouldn't be there at all.

But I do understand your sentiment. My free time is extremely limited and schedules often clash with people I'd truly love to meet. It happens though.

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By *ealitybitesMan
over a year ago

Belfast

[Removed by poster at 14/10/22 08:55:39]

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By *ealitybitesMan
over a year ago

Belfast

I'm not meeting at the minute and won't be for the foreseeable future for personal reasons but when I was I've always made it very clear in my profile that I don't meet quickly.

I don't feel anything for those who tried to bypass that preference and pushed for a quick meet.

I haven't had a consistent conversation with anyone about meeting for a couple of years now but I never commit to a meet until I'm sure I will be there.

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By *ilthyNightsCouple
over a year ago

East / North, Cork

Yeah it's so hard for us to get the time. Between running business, and a big family, babysitting problems, and living rurally, it's like a military operation. Also expensive, between taxis, babysitting, and entry fees, etc. It does take kind of an alignment of stars to make a meet happen.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Wouldn't consider it time wasting, like most people am busy outside fab, used to work shifts and it was a nightmare, now work Monday to Friday and really only weekends suit to meet or socialise with people. I'm worth the wait

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By *he zephyrCouple
over a year ago

The Sol

I do understand this feeling. But I can also rationalise it. I think if you are respectful and honest with the other person thats the best you can do, its not 'stringing people along' ... however their perception may differ.

Most people should empathise with the logistics involved though and hopefully shrug it off with no hard feelings.

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By *heBlowins OP Couple
over a year ago

West Cork

I suppose I'm a bit hard on myself about it sometimes.. just hate letting people down in any way.

I find myself feeling a bit sad when thinking about being a single lad.. chatting to a couple and it seeming like something really promising and then.. nothing ever comes of it.

It's easy to say, "fuck it, you don't owe anyone anything, shit happens, etc." but I can't help how I feel sometimes.

I think some lads think couples (and perhaps single ladies) in this scenario don't give a shit.. some of us do, at least I do

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By *he zephyrCouple
over a year ago

The Sol

"I suppose I'm a bit hard on myself about it sometimes.. just hate letting people down in any way.

I find myself feeling a bit sad when thinking about being a single lad.. chatting to a couple and it seeming like something really promising and then.. nothing ever comes of it.

It's easy to say, "fuck it, you don't owe anyone anything, shit happens, etc." but I can't help how I feel sometimes.

I think some lads think couples (and perhaps single ladies) in this scenario don't give a shit.. some of us do, at least I do

I get ya

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By *rmrs1234Couple
over a year ago

Waterford

I usually tell people straight away that we have a lot going on with kids, etc that it could be a while for us to be free to meet. One of the reasons we dont like people travelling to meet us as anything could pop up and i dont want to be tellin them after driving an hour we cant make it. So with everything laid out there they can make the choice to continue chatting or not

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I suppose I'm a bit hard on myself about it sometimes.. just hate letting people down in any way.

I find myself feeling a bit sad when thinking about being a single lad.. chatting to a couple and it seeming like something really promising and then.. nothing ever comes of it.

It's easy to say, "fuck it, you don't owe anyone anything, shit happens, etc." but I can't help how I feel sometimes.

I think some lads think couples (and perhaps single ladies) in this scenario don't give a shit.. some of us do, at least I do

As someone who has been stood up 8 times by guys on here, the don't give a shit mentality is not one I have, if I'm interested in a guy I will make time to meet them and have travelled to meet guys, but I have a life outside fab and if a guy can't accept that he's not worth meeting.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Finding time is a huge issue, we have 2 businesses and a big family so finding quality time for ourselves is hard enough, let alone to meet others and for their schedules to aline too.

Def think fab should offer childcare services with the membership

Its life though and cant be helped so no need to feel bad for that.

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By *ercc63Man
over a year ago

Hillsborough

Regularly get "stood up"

Happy to chat and nothing come of it but if I arrange to meet I take it as a commitment which I always honour even though have been left sitting alone in car or restaurants by "no shows"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sometimes it just takes a while for schedules to align. One of my last meets was three years in the making due to Covid and family college and our schedules. But fuck me when the stars aligned it was totally worth the wait.

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By *ilthyNightsCouple
over a year ago

East / North, Cork

[Removed by poster at 14/10/22 10:32:25]

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By *anillabelliniCouple
over a year ago

limerick

"I suppose I'm a bit hard on myself about it sometimes.. just hate letting people down in any way.

I find myself feeling a bit sad when thinking about being a single lad.. chatting to a couple and it seeming like something really promising and then.. nothing ever comes of it.

It's easy to say, "fuck it, you don't owe anyone anything, shit happens, etc." but I can't help how I feel sometimes.

I think some lads think couples (and perhaps single ladies) in this scenario don't give a shit.. some of us do, at least I do

We also get your sentiment and guilt, we also hate cancelling. We're similar to most on here who have family commitments, work commitments etc, it can take a lot of forward planning and expense to organise everything.

We have however been on the other side of the coin on two occasions this year where the other party didn't even have the courtesy to cancel, just ghosted and blocked us. One lady in particular we had been chatting to and organised to attend one of her parties, she was well verified, but then last minute she vanished. Using one of our single profiles we could see she was still active on fab, we sent her a kik asking had we done something to offend her and it's sitting their unread since. Some people unfortunately don't feel the guilt

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By *amsonite69Man
over a year ago

Belfast

I had this happen last week, supposedly female half of a well verified couples account, allbeit the last veri was 3 yrs ago, shouldve been a red flag i know.. she didnt show, no notice, ne response and the account is still active as a mofo, im assuming it was prob the male half of a now defunct couples account

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By *anillabelliniCouple
over a year ago

limerick

"I usually tell people straight away that we have a lot going on with kids, etc that it could be a while for us to be free to meet. One of the reasons we dont like people travelling to meet us as anything could pop up and i dont want to be tellin them after driving an hour we cant make it. So with everything laid out there they can make the choice to continue chatting or not"

Yes we also lay it out straight from the onset, saves any confusion later.

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By *heBlowins OP Couple
over a year ago

West Cork

Thanks y'all.. nice to have that bit of validation. Feel like I'm too soft for Fab sometimes

Just too tired and stressed lately

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Nobody likes letting people down.

Life does happen and things come up.

I never do instant meets anyway.

When you're chatting to someone and you've made arrangements, if they cancel all I've ever asked is they let me know in advance so I can make other arrangements.

Also the good thing about chatting for a while, if they do cancel you can usually gauge if its genuine or they're another time waster who never actually wanted to meet.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think any mature adult who has a life themselves will understand.

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By *amson4DelilahCouple
over a year ago

ballina

I so get where you are coming from OP & I feel the same. With the best will in the world its hard to juggle stuff & I don't have the time to engage in endless texts which I try to explain is not me goasting people... I just don't want to lead people on either.. I tried to let someone down nicely the other day & got back a snotty ass responce, which I'm sire in this person's defence os because he has gotten a lot of (what he perceives as rejection) on here.

Over all it can be hard work sometimes ..

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By *ustBoWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in Co. Down

I don't see how timelines not matching can be seen as timewasting it isn't always easy to sort a day or time that suits you all . If it's someone who doesn't want to meet and just plays the game pretending they want to then yes they are timewasters. But if it's genuine not being able to meet then no it's nothing I'd feel guilty about and I'd expect anyone person who is a mature adult to understand that as well .

I'm not doing any new meets at present because my life outside of fab is taking priority over new meets.I'm very clear in my profile ( in fact it's in two places on it ) and in any message I answer about that. I've virtually stopped doing any new chats because even though I make it very clear when I reply that I'm not meeting anyone new it doesn't stop people asking me to meet a few messages in. Yes I've been called a timewaster because of it but since I was very clear from the very start I don't feel guilty and they were told it would not happen so the only time they wasted was their own.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No I don't because, as we all know, what you described isn't time-wasting so I'd invest your time and emotions in something else.

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By *ofusplusCouple
over a year ago

Limerick

Anyone getting the hump because your real life takes priority over them isn't worth meeting anyway imo

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