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How to bring up open relationship?

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Hi all, hope everyone is keeping well. Looking help again on how to bring up the idea of an open relationship with my wife. With the arrival of our third child a couple of years ago she has told me she has completely lost her sex drive and in now way interested in it. We haven't been any way intimate since the start of June. I do help around the house etc so I'm not lazy etc I do my fair share. I think were too young not to be having sex and she won't go get help. How can I bring up the Idea that I'm allowed to play away from home with permission. Any help very much appreciated

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Ever tried subliminal messaging?

Maybe embedding a message in a song either in the higher or lower frequencies or by singing something backwards with the message contained

Or using words and images briefly flashing in between frames of film (usually at one tenth of a second)

If the above is too time consuming, post-it notes left around the house are quick and easy alternative

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By *ilthyNightsCouple
over a year ago

East / North, Cork

I'm so sorry for your situation. How is your communication with her generally? Did you have a conversation about her disinterest in sex or is it just an unsaid thing? It's in both your interests to get this sorted. It's not reasonable for her to expect you to just do without. It's grounds for divorce.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I'm so sorry for your situation. How is your communication with her generally? Did you have a conversation about her disinterest in sex or is it just an unsaid thing? It's in both your interests to get this sorted. It's not reasonable for her to expect you to just do without. It's grounds for divorce."

Not anyone's business really but the OPs but I'd say there's a two sided argument for grounds to divorce here since he's on a 'sex site' and has been since before the June he mentioned.....

Just to be fair

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I'm so sorry for your situation. How is your communication with her generally? Did you have a conversation about her disinterest in sex or is it just an unsaid thing? It's in both your interests to get this sorted. It's not reasonable for her to expect you to just do without. It's grounds for divorce."

Hi there, yeah it's something that we have talked about that's how I know she ha no Interest in sex, she has told me it's not me and still loves me etc. It's being going on since before June it's just this is definitely the longest we have gone

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By *ilthyNightsCouple
over a year ago

East / North, Cork

He's asking for advice so I don't see any harm in asking the questions necessary to answer the original question. I have him blocked (no idea why) so I can't see his profile details, but if his wife doesn't know about this place then she's not going to use them as grounds for divorce.

I would applaud someone looking to actually communicate with their partner about this stuff, as that's the path to resolution and perhaps even a working arrangement that allows them to stay together.

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By *ofusplusCouple
over a year ago

Limerick

I've read your previous posts and empathise with your situation.

Do you have date nights away from the kids, go out to dinner or for a drink just the two of you with no expectation of sex at the end?(note important last bit)

It's crucial for you to have some 'us' time away from the daily grind of raising kids. This should help to re-establish your intimate relationship and her libido should come back. Good luck.

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By *ilthyNightsCouple
over a year ago

East / North, Cork


"I'm so sorry for your situation. How is your communication with her generally? Did you have a conversation about her disinterest in sex or is it just an unsaid thing? It's in both your interests to get this sorted. It's not reasonable for her to expect you to just do without. It's grounds for divorce.

Hi there, yeah it's something that we have talked about that's how I know she ha no Interest in sex, she has told me it's not me and still loves me etc. It's being going on since before June it's just this is definitely the longest we have gone "

Personally, since your asking for advice, I would suggest telling her that you need to have a serious conversation, don't make her wait ages worrying about it, maybe later that day. You need to explain to her that you aren't able to go without sex. See if she is willing to try again. Ask her if she has talked to a Dr about it and if not then can she. Make it clear that a marriage without sex is not able to happen, and that some steps need to be taken to resolve this somehow. Allow her the opportunity to rekindle physical intimacy, but let her know that no physical intimacy is not going to work long term. I'm sure she's not stupid and knows the implications. Give her a while to think on that and go back and have a further serious conversation.

Perhaps don't be meeting anyone else while you're in this process and give her a chance to work though whatever is happening to her.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I've read your previous posts and empathise with your situation.

Do you have date nights away from the kids, go out to dinner or for a drink just the two of you with no expectation of sex at the end?(note important last bit)

It's crucial for you to have some 'us' time away from the daily grind of raising kids. This should help to re-establish your intimate relationship and her libido should come back. Good luck."

Hi thanks for your input, Yeah we have date nights etc and I've said to her that there is never any pressure to have sex after nights out as obviously she is struggling somewhere and I don't want to pile that pressure on her

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I'm so sorry for your situation. How is your communication with her generally? Did you have a conversation about her disinterest in sex or is it just an unsaid thing? It's in both your interests to get this sorted. It's not reasonable for her to expect you to just do without. It's grounds for divorce.

Hi there, yeah it's something that we have talked about that's how I know she ha no Interest in sex, she has told me it's not me and still loves me etc. It's being going on since before June it's just this is definitely the longest we have gone

Personally, since your asking for advice, I would suggest telling her that you need to have a serious conversation, don't make her wait ages worrying about it, maybe later that day. You need to explain to her that you aren't able to go without sex. See if she is willing to try again. Ask her if she has talked to a Dr about it and if not then can she. Make it clear that a marriage without sex is not able to happen, and that some steps need to be taken to resolve this somehow. Allow her the opportunity to rekindle physical intimacy, but let her know that no physical intimacy is not going to work long term. I'm sure she's not stupid and knows the implications. Give her a while to think on that and go back and have a further serious conversation.

Perhaps don't be meeting anyone else while you're in this process and give her a chance to work though whatever is happening to her. "

Hi again ,some really good advice here thank you btw, I've asked her if she has spoken to the doctor etc and she said no there is nothing that they can help with etc. I asked if she would be willing to speak to someone and again was told no it would not make any difference

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Then you really need to have a frank and open discussion on how to resolve the situation - assuming you both wish to remain married. Your wife has no obligation to have sex with you, but she cannot reasonably expect you to remain celibate against your will. I suggest you lay this out to her and ask her directly what she thinks is a solution that is fair to both.

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By *ilthyNightsCouple
over a year ago

East / North, Cork


"I'm so sorry for your situation. How is your communication with her generally? Did you have a conversation about her disinterest in sex or is it just an unsaid thing? It's in both your interests to get this sorted. It's not reasonable for her to expect you to just do without. It's grounds for divorce.

Hi there, yeah it's something that we have talked about that's how I know she ha no Interest in sex, she has told me it's not me and still loves me etc. It's being going on since before June it's just this is definitely the longest we have gone

Personally, since your asking for advice, I would suggest telling her that you need to have a serious conversation, don't make her wait ages worrying about it, maybe later that day. You need to explain to her that you aren't able to go without sex. See if she is willing to try again. Ask her if she has talked to a Dr about it and if not then can she. Make it clear that a marriage without sex is not able to happen, and that some steps need to be taken to resolve this somehow. Allow her the opportunity to rekindle physical intimacy, but let her know that no physical intimacy is not going to work long term. I'm sure she's not stupid and knows the implications. Give her a while to think on that and go back and have a further serious conversation.

Perhaps don't be meeting anyone else while you're in this process and give her a chance to work though whatever is happening to her.

Hi again ,some really good advice here thank you btw, I've asked her if she has spoken to the doctor etc and she said no there is nothing that they can help with etc. I asked if she would be willing to speak to someone and again was told no it would not make any difference "

That's not actually true... there are plenty of treatable issues that reduce libido. Perhaps she will be most interested in sorting it out once she realises you're serious.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I'm so sorry for your situation. How is your communication with her generally? Did you have a conversation about her disinterest in sex or is it just an unsaid thing? It's in both your interests to get this sorted. It's not reasonable for her to expect you to just do without. It's grounds for divorce.

Hi there, yeah it's something that we have talked about that's how I know she ha no Interest in sex, she has told me it's not me and still loves me etc. It's being going on since before June it's just this is definitely the longest we have gone

Personally, since your asking for advice, I would suggest telling her that you need to have a serious conversation, don't make her wait ages worrying about it, maybe later that day. You need to explain to her that you aren't able to go without sex. See if she is willing to try again. Ask her if she has talked to a Dr about it and if not then can she. Make it clear that a marriage without sex is not able to happen, and that some steps need to be taken to resolve this somehow. Allow her the opportunity to rekindle physical intimacy, but let her know that no physical intimacy is not going to work long term. I'm sure she's not stupid and knows the implications. Give her a while to think on that and go back and have a further serious conversation.

Perhaps don't be meeting anyone else while you're in this process and give her a chance to work though whatever is happening to her.

Hi again ,some really good advice here thank you btw, I've asked her if she has spoken to the doctor etc and she said no there is nothing that they can help with etc. I asked if she would be willing to speak to someone and again was told no it would not make any difference

That's not actually true... there are plenty of treatable issues that reduce libido. Perhaps she will be most interested in sorting it out once she realises you're serious."

Yeah I think your right on this. Need to bring it up again and lay my cards on the table

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Then you really need to have a frank and open discussion on how to resolve the situation - assuming you both wish to remain married. Your wife has no obligation to have sex with you, but she cannot reasonably expect you to remain celibate against your will. I suggest you lay this out to her and ask her directly what she thinks is a solution that is fair to both."

I want to remain married and as mentioned above I'm gonna lay my cards on the table thank for your input

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A lot of women suffer from body confidence issues especially as we get older or have our kids. Do you pay her compliments like saying she looks great. Us women are so hard on ourselves and when the confidence goes so does the libido. I know this from personal experience in the past I would do anything to avoid having sex. Obviously I'm not like that now!

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By *olouWoman
over a year ago

Swords

Best of luck,I was in similar situation. Tried everything before deciding I was going on Fab.We had a long discussion about it,and eventually he could see how no sex life at my age was to difficult to cope with. He agreed and so far fingers crossed all is going well and we are still married.

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By *he_Secret_GardenWoman
over a year ago

Naughty Lane


"Best of luck,I was in similar situation. Tried everything before deciding I was going on Fab.We had a long discussion about it,and eventually he could see how no sex life at my age was to difficult to cope with. He agreed and so far fingers crossed all is going well and we are still married. "

And that's how it should be

Don't understand people who can't be open with their partners.

By the way...come back to the group missing giggles

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"A lot of women suffer from body confidence issues especially as we get older or have our kids. Do you pay her compliments like saying she looks great. Us women are so hard on ourselves and when the confidence goes so does the libido. I know this from personal experience in the past I would do anything to avoid having sex. Obviously I'm not like that now!"

Every single day I tell her I love her, look beautiful give her flowers. I'm always the one to initiate hugs kisses, give a good night/morning kiss .

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By *ofusplusCouple
over a year ago

Limerick

Yeah it seems to be the major issue with married people playing away from home, they can't/won't lay their cards on the table. I understand how difficult it can be, but honest communication is the only way to resolving all relationship issues.

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By *ofusplusCouple
over a year ago

Limerick


"Yeah it seems to be the major issue with married people playing away from home, they can't/won't lay their cards on the table. I understand how difficult it can be, but honest communication is the only way to resolving all relationship issues."

Its not a dig at you OP, I'm just agreeing with other posters that you need to have that difficult conversation about what you need from the relationship. Good luck.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Yeah it seems to be the major issue with married people playing away from home, they can't/won't lay their cards on the table. I understand how difficult it can be, but honest communication is the only way to resolving all relationship issues.

Its not a dig at you OP, I'm just agreeing with other posters that you need to have that difficult conversation about what you need from the relationship. Good luck."

Hi there I know your not :0) and really, thank you for your input it's really helpful and useful to help me know what I need to do

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By *itemeagainMan
over a year ago

Wexford


"I'm so sorry for your situation. How is your communication with her generally? Did you have a conversation about her disinterest in sex or is it just an unsaid thing? It's in both your interests to get this sorted. It's not reasonable for her to expect you to just do without. It's grounds for divorce."

Holy shit ,,, while I get that your concerned ... going from the ops question to divorce... but much tbh

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By *itemeagainMan
over a year ago

Wexford


"Hi all, hope everyone is keeping well. Looking help again on how to bring up the idea of an open relationship with my wife. With the arrival of our third child a couple of years ago she has told me she has completely lost her sex drive and in now way interested in it. We haven't been any way intimate since the start of June. I do help around the house etc so I'm not lazy etc I do my fair share. I think were too young not to be having sex and she won't go get help. How can I bring up the Idea that I'm allowed to play away from home with permission. Any help very much appreciated "

Can you clarify what it is you want advise with ?

To bring up the topic of sex with others?

Or to address the sexless relationship?

What do you think you is best for you and your relationship?

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By *ilthyNightsCouple
over a year ago

East / North, Cork

It's not a great stretch at all. If they dont find a way to proceed together then it's an irreconcilable difference and any court in the land would grant a divorce over it.

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By *itemeagainMan
over a year ago

Wexford


"Then you really need to have a frank and open discussion on how to resolve the situation - assuming you both wish to remain married. Your wife has no obligation to have sex with you, but she cannot reasonably expect you to remain celibate against your will. I suggest you lay this out to her and ask her directly what she thinks is a solution that is fair to both.

I want to remain married and as mentioned above I'm gonna lay my cards on the table thank for your input "

Not giving you advice here , however it seems you have broached this more than once and your partner is either not ready or uncomfortable tackling it. Honesty is usually key , as is patience. I would ask you to consider from your perspective, what are the likely outcomes from putting your cards on the table and what exactly do you think you will say?

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By *itemeagainMan
over a year ago

Wexford


"It's not a great stretch at all. If they dont find a way to proceed together then it's an irreconcilable difference and any court in the land would grant a divorce over it."

I ment its a bit much to put to someone looking to resolve a situation. Thats like you telling someone that if they can fix there car alternator, then may consider scrapping it. Just a bit of a harsh jump imo is all.

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By *ilthyNightsCouple
over a year ago

East / North, Cork


"It's not a great stretch at all. If they dont find a way to proceed together then it's an irreconcilable difference and any court in the land would grant a divorce over it.

I ment its a bit much to put to someone looking to resolve a situation. Thats like you telling someone that if they can fix there car alternator, then may consider scrapping it. Just a bit of a harsh jump imo is all."

I know I'd rather have it all laid out if it were me. One of the first questions any divorce solicitor will ask is when you last had sex. It's the date at which "normal marital relations" stopped and therefore the date when the clock starts ticking in the 2 year wait to get divorced.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Then you really need to have a frank and open discussion on how to resolve the situation - assuming you both wish to remain married. Your wife has no obligation to have sex with you, but she cannot reasonably expect you to remain celibate against your will. I suggest you lay this out to her and ask her directly what she thinks is a solution that is fair to both.

I want to remain married and as mentioned above I'm gonna lay my cards on the table thank for your input

Not giving you advice here , however it seems you have broached this more than once and your partner is either not ready or uncomfortable tackling it. Honesty is usually key , as is patience. I would ask you to consider from your perspective, what are the likely outcomes from putting your cards on the table and what exactly do you think you will say? "

Which is why I suggested the OP invite his partner to offer a solution, as opposed to him threatening, "if you don't have sex with me, then..."

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By *ilthyNightsCouple
over a year ago

East / North, Cork

Neither did i suggest any kind of ultimatum or talk of divorce.

"Allow her the opportunity to rekindle physical intimacy, but let her know that no physical intimacy is not going to work long term. I'm sure she's not stupid and knows the implications"

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Hi all, hope everyone is keeping well. Looking help again on how to bring up the idea of an open relationship with my wife. With the arrival of our third child a couple of years ago she has told me she has completely lost her sex drive and in now way interested in it. We haven't been any way intimate since the start of June. I do help around the house etc so I'm not lazy etc I do my fair share. I think were too young not to be having sex and she won't go get help. How can I bring up the Idea that I'm allowed to play away from home with permission. Any help very much appreciated

Can you clarify what it is you want advise with ?

To bring up the topic of sex with others?

Or to address the sexless relationship?

What do you think you is best for you and your relationship? "

Want advise of the easiest way to bring it up that as we aren't having anything physical that I would like permission to play away with her permission

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By *itemeagainMan
over a year ago

Wexford


"Hi all, hope everyone is keeping well. Looking help again on how to bring up the idea of an open relationship with my wife. With the arrival of our third child a couple of years ago she has told me she has completely lost her sex drive and in now way interested in it. We haven't been any way intimate since the start of June. I do help around the house etc so I'm not lazy etc I do my fair share. I think were too young not to be having sex and she won't go get help. How can I bring up the Idea that I'm allowed to play away from home with permission. Any help very much appreciated

Can you clarify what it is you want advise with ?

To bring up the topic of sex with others?

Or to address the sexless relationship?

What do you think you is best for you and your relationship?

Want advise of the easiest way to bring it up that as we aren't having anything physical that I would like permission to play away with her permission "

Ok I see .. you have gotten tk ghe point where you are comfortable to step outside the relationship to meet your needs and you are looking for advice on how to raise this question without making thing difficult or worse between ye ?

What options do you feel you have to explain where your commjng from to your partner?

What reaction do you hope for and what will it mean if you get/or don't get this reaction?

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Hi all, hope everyone is keeping well. Looking help again on how to bring up the idea of an open relationship with my wife. With the arrival of our third child a couple of years ago she has told me she has completely lost her sex drive and in now way interested in it. We haven't been any way intimate since the start of June. I do help around the house etc so I'm not lazy etc I do my fair share. I think were too young not to be having sex and she won't go get help. How can I bring up the Idea that I'm allowed to play away from home with permission. Any help very much appreciated

Can you clarify what it is you want advise with ?

To bring up the topic of sex with others?

Or to address the sexless relationship?

What do you think you is best for you and your relationship?

Want advise of the easiest way to bring it up that as we aren't having anything physical that I would like permission to play away with her permission

Ok I see .. you have gotten tk ghe point where you are comfortable to step outside the relationship to meet your needs and you are looking for advice on how to raise this question without making thing difficult or worse between ye ?

What options do you feel you have to explain where your commjng from to your partner?

What reaction do you hope for and what will it mean if you get/or don't get this reaction? "

Options to her are is there anything I can do to help, maybe go to see someone together.

If not then do I have permission to play with other women just to get sexual pleasure or even just a cuddle.

If she says no explain again that I feel that were no young not to be having some sort of sexual relationship.

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By *itemeagainMan
over a year ago

Wexford

ptions to her are is there anything I can do to help, maybe go to see someone together.

If not then do I have permission to play with other women just to get sexual pleasure or even just a cuddle.

If she says no explain again that I feel that were no young not to be having some sort of sexual relationship.

So you feel your options are to ask here again if you can support her go address her loss of interest... and to explain to her that if ye can't address it you would like to consider seeking intimacy outside the relationship?

If she says no when you have explained you feel your too young to accept a relationship without intimacy,, how do you rekon you will deal with that ?

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By *alwayVixenWoman
over a year ago

Galway

Just wondering if you’ve asked her what she wants from the relationship. Sometimes life with little kids is so overwhelming and tiring that it’s difficult to see beyond that. Could she be suffering from depression?

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By *aturelover 69Man
over a year ago

Evesham


"I'm so sorry for your situation. How is your communication with her generally? Did you have a conversation about her disinterest in sex or is it just an unsaid thing? It's in both your interests to get this sorted. It's not reasonable for her to expect you to just do without. It's grounds for divorce.

Hi there, yeah it's something that we have talked about that's how I know she ha no Interest in sex, she has told me it's not me and still loves me etc. It's being going on since before June it's just this is definitely the longest we have gone "
sounds like she is getting it elsewhere

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By *etmebeurfantasyWoman
over a year ago

My town

I guess op it's your marriage your wife, both we know nothing about.

I'm guessing you have spoken to your wife, you may have stated in previous posts bout the lack of interest in sex. You mentioned since the birth of your third child, is she suffering from depression. Has she seen a doctor. I wouldn't rush saying you want a open relationship,without trying to sort things out with your wife.

Some could say you have chosen that in your relationship now,without her knowledge being here .

But the lack of sex usually means somethings wrong. I would focus on her needs and get to the route of the problem. Asking her for permission for a open relationship could be the end of yours if you don't solve or try to solve it together.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Just wondering if you’ve asked her what she wants from the relationship. Sometimes life with little kids is so overwhelming and tiring that it’s difficult to see beyond that. Could she be suffering from depression?"

This was one of the first things o asked her many times and won't see anyone unfortunately

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I guess op it's your marriage your wife, both we know nothing about.

I'm guessing you have spoken to your wife, you may have stated in previous posts bout the lack of interest in sex. You mentioned since the birth of your third child, is she suffering from depression. Has she seen a doctor. I wouldn't rush saying you want a open relationship,without trying to sort things out with your wife.

Some could say you have chosen that in your relationship now,without her knowledge being here .

But the lack of sex usually means somethings wrong. I would focus on her needs and get to the route of the problem. Asking her for permission for a open relationship could be the end of yours if you don't solve or try to solve it together. "

And that's my fear that it will end our relationship

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By *etmebeurfantasyWoman
over a year ago

My town

She could be suffering postnatal depression you know your wife better than anyone if she's not right in herself showing lack of interest in sex, there is a reason mentioning a open relationship is solving your needs what about her ?

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By *ubal1Man
over a year ago

Newry Down

The etiology of your partner's low libido may be a medical issue, which needs to be investigated by a GP, in the first instance, with potential onward referral to other medical professionals for testing and wvaluation, to get to the real root of the problem.

After the medical facts have been determined you should be in a more informed position to decide on your individual or joint courses of action.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Thanks everyone for your help, having discussion tonight will update you all later/tomorrow

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By *astelloWoman
over a year ago

Far far away

Thank you for bringing this into the forum for discussion. It incredibly common and you're open and frank discussion hopefully will allow for resolution or compromise.

Lack of libido for medical or psychological reasons lead many partners to look elsewhere even though they wish to remain and sustain the relationship.

I empathise completely and a open and honest discussion may create a solution for you both. Good luck.

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By *oobyHotwifeWoman
over a year ago

Thurrock

This isn't a dig at you I don't know enough about your situation

But being on here definitely won't help, imagine if your wife knew you were here & that you'd had meets, you think you've got problems in the bedroom now believe me it'll get 100x worse if she finds out you are on here

I genuinely believe men give off a signal when they are being dishonest, my husband goes through stages where he watches porn non stop & I can guarentee that coincides with the periods we can go months without sex

I have no issue with him watching porn, I enjoy it too but sometimes when he's watching it more often I find it can make me feel inadequate like I can't live up to porn sex so what's the point in having sex at all

Chances are your unwittingly giving your wife vibes that she's not enough, that you want more so she's backed off

Shut your account here, delete all traces of fab, talk to your wife, split up if you have to but stop messing behind her back if you ever want this situation to get better

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By *1CorkCouple
over a year ago

Cork

Christ. Terrible situation, but just say it. Avoid times like funerals of a close family relative etc. but you just got to assert yourself in the relationship and just say it!

You know the various outcomes so if you can live with any of the three - she is spurred into addressing underlying issue, or she says go for it, or your relationship ends - just say it. If your current situation is more palatable than your least favoured outcome, then don’t say it.

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By *3nsesMan
over a year ago

Dublin

You've been here for over two years, why is permission from her now so important?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Everyone is on fab for their own personal reason, we all know its not a dating site .. we are all here for sex .. so non judgement needed .. just saying

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Everyone is on fab for their own personal reason, we all know its not a dating site .. we are all here for sex .. so non judgement needed .. just saying "

Well said why can’t people just let others get on with it

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By *ofusplusCouple
over a year ago

Limerick


"Everyone is on fab for their own personal reason, we all know its not a dating site .. we are all here for sex .. so non judgement needed .. just saying

Well said why can’t people just let others get on with it "

Most responses have been extremely positive and encouraging in fairness.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Everyone is on fab for their own personal reason, we all know its not a dating site .. we are all here for sex .. so non judgement needed .. just saying

Well said why can’t people just let others get on with it

Most responses have been extremely positive and encouraging in fairness."

Agreed we have a good sex life,but there was times after having my kids that I wouldn’t have appreciated himself telling me that he would like if he could be with someone else, too be fair a woman has a lot of changes too her body after kids,weigh gain and loss of confidence, and sometimes after or before it can be depression,we got through all that and it’s totally the opposite for us it was me that laid my cards out too him,but thankfully he’s my friend aswell as my husband

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have to say that I laughed when I read you mention you do your chores and aren’t lazy, as if that was a reason to demand or expect sex.

As a wife I can tell you that tiredness isn’t the only reason to loose interest in sex. I can be tired as hell but if I’m horny I’ll it.

Did you ever stopped thinking that maybe sex with you wasn’t meeting her needs, so she decided to stop having it? It’s so easy to blame kids, menopause and more.

Maybe think about other reasons why she lost interest in having intimacy with you. Was she having amazing orgasms? Was she fulfilling her fantasies? Was she experiencing newness? Excitement? All the things you want in sex. Was she having it before?

So now she doesn’t want it your solution is find someone else?

In a partnership, whatever happens, both sides are responsible and accountable, not just her.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"It's not a great stretch at all. If they dont find a way to proceed together then it's an irreconcilable difference and any court in the land would grant a divorce over it.

I ment its a bit much to put to someone looking to resolve a situation. Thats like you telling someone that if they can fix there car alternator, then may consider scrapping it. Just a bit of a harsh jump imo is all.

I know I'd rather have it all laid out if it were me. One of the first questions any divorce solicitor will ask is when you last had sex. It's the date at which "normal marital relations" stopped and therefore the date when the clock starts ticking in the 2 year wait to get divorced."

Thankfully mine did not actually ask me that

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By *hilaboutMan
over a year ago

kilkenny

Be interesting to hear how the chat went if you'd care to share it with us

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By *ilthyNightsCouple
over a year ago

East / North, Cork


"It's not a great stretch at all. If they dont find a way to proceed together then it's an irreconcilable difference and any court in the land would grant a divorce over it.

I ment its a bit much to put to someone looking to resolve a situation. Thats like you telling someone that if they can fix there car alternator, then may consider scrapping it. Just a bit of a harsh jump imo is all.

I know I'd rather have it all laid out if it were me. One of the first questions any divorce solicitor will ask is when you last had sex. It's the date at which "normal marital relations" stopped and therefore the date when the clock starts ticking in the 2 year wait to get divorced.

Thankfully mine did not actually ask me that "

Mine did.

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By *ilthyNightsCouple
over a year ago

East / North, Cork


"

I have to say that I laughed when I read you mention you do your chores and aren’t lazy, as if that was a reason to demand or expect sex.

As a wife I can tell you that tiredness isn’t the only reason to loose interest in sex. I can be tired as hell but if I’m horny I’ll it.

Did you ever stopped thinking that maybe sex with you wasn’t meeting her needs, so she decided to stop having it? It’s so easy to blame kids, menopause and more.

Maybe think about other reasons why she lost interest in having intimacy with you. Was she having amazing orgasms? Was she fulfilling her fantasies? Was she experiencing newness? Excitement? All the things you want in sex. Was she having it before?

So now she doesn’t want it your solution is find someone else?

In a partnership, whatever happens, both sides are responsible and accountable, not just her.

"

100% there are always two in it and two who are responsible... but in fairness his comment about doing chores was in response to another comment asking if he pulls his weight. It's often mentioned in threads like this as a possible reason why men are refused sex if they don't pull their weight around the house and in other ways.

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By *itemeagainMan
over a year ago

Wexford


"

I have to say that I laughed when I read you mention you do your chores and aren’t lazy, as if that was a reason to demand or expect sex.

As a wife I can tell you that tiredness isn’t the only reason to loose interest in sex. I can be tired as hell but if I’m horny I’ll it.

Did you ever stopped thinking that maybe sex with you wasn’t meeting her needs, so she decided to stop having it? It’s so easy to blame kids, menopause and more.

Maybe think about other reasons why she lost interest in having intimacy with you. Was she having amazing orgasms? Was she fulfilling her fantasies? Was she experiencing newness? Excitement? All the things you want in sex. Was she having it before?

So now she doesn’t want it your solution is find someone else?

In a partnership, whatever happens, both sides are responsible and accountable, not just her.

"

All the things woman want .... these are clearly all the things you want ... that dosnt mean the ops wife is like you .

As fare as I read it the op wasn't blaming anyone ... infact he expressed empathy for any difficulty his partner may be experiencing.

He has asked is it him .. can he do anything and she said no.

The op came on here looking for suggestions on how to broach the topic of an open relationship.

He didn't ask what people thought of him

He didn't ask for people's moral stance on the situation

He didn't ask to be judged or told what to do .

It would be interesting to know how the talk went yet totally understandable if he didn't come back and enter this arena in a hurry

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

I have to say that I laughed when I read you mention you do your chores and aren’t lazy, as if that was a reason to demand or expect sex.

As a wife I can tell you that tiredness isn’t the only reason to loose interest in sex. I can be tired as hell but if I’m horny I’ll it.

Did you ever stopped thinking that maybe sex with you wasn’t meeting her needs, so she decided to stop having it? It’s so easy to blame kids, menopause and more.

Maybe think about other reasons why she lost interest in having intimacy with you. Was she having amazing orgasms? Was she fulfilling her fantasies? Was she experiencing newness? Excitement? All the things you want in sex. Was she having it before?

So now she doesn’t want it your solution is find someone else?

In a partnership, whatever happens, both sides are responsible and accountable, not just her.

All the things woman want .... these are clearly all the things you want ... that dosnt mean the ops wife is like you .

As fare as I read it the op wasn't blaming anyone ... infact he expressed empathy for any difficulty his partner may be experiencing.

He has asked is it him .. can he do anything and she said no.

The op came on here looking for suggestions on how to broach the topic of an open relationship.

He didn't ask what people thought of him

He didn't ask for people's moral stance on the situation

He didn't ask to be judged or told what to do .

It would be interesting to know how the talk went yet totally understandable if he didn't come back and enter this arena in a hurry

"

That's a very agitated response right there.

Her comments were an alternative perspective and it's actually very true that if a woman has a change in sexual habits there are a few easy go-to's jumped to to explain it, but really, it can often be a simple waning of attraction over time. We're all susceptible to it, male and female.

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By *itemeagainMan
over a year ago

Wexford

Its a reactive response. Perspectives and moral or judgmental advice are very different things ... yet muddied within this forum .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Its a reactive response. Perspectives and moral or judgmental advice are very different things ... yet muddied within this forum . "

Clearly

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"

I have to say that I laughed when I read you mention you do your chores and aren’t lazy, as if that was a reason to demand or expect sex.

As a wife I can tell you that tiredness isn’t the only reason to loose interest in sex. I can be tired as hell but if I’m horny I’ll it.

Did you ever stopped thinking that maybe sex with you wasn’t meeting her needs, so she decided to stop having it? It’s so easy to blame kids, menopause and more.

Maybe think about other reasons why she lost interest in having intimacy with you. Was she having amazing orgasms? Was she fulfilling her fantasies? Was she experiencing newness? Excitement? All the things you want in sex. Was she having it before?

So now she doesn’t want it your solution is find someone else?

In a partnership, whatever happens, both sides are responsible and accountable, not just her.

"

Thanks for your input here btw, I get where your coming from

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By *itemeagainMan
over a year ago

Wexford


"

I have to say that I laughed when I read you mention you do your chores and aren’t lazy, as if that was a reason to demand or expect sex.

As a wife I can tell you that tiredness isn’t the only reason to loose interest in sex. I can be tired as hell but if I’m horny I’ll it.

Did you ever stopped thinking that maybe sex with you wasn’t meeting her needs, so she decided to stop having it? It’s so easy to blame kids, menopause and more.

Maybe think about other reasons why she lost interest in having intimacy with you. Was she having amazing orgasms? Was she fulfilling her fantasies? Was she experiencing newness? Excitement? All the things you want in sex. Was she having it before?

So now she doesn’t want it your solution is find someone else?

In a partnership, whatever happens, both sides are responsible and accountable, not just her.

Thanks for your input here btw, I get where your coming from"

Ok I stand corrected. Sorry

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Hi Everyone, thanks for all your input here,. I brought it up with her last night and she said she had no idea that it was weighing so hard on me. She made it clear again that she just has no libido and won't go and see anyone. As the chat got lighter I laughed and joked that I'll get a bit to play on the side , she said that not be a bad idea they can relieve the frustration. I coyly said yeah right and she said no really just give me a couple of days to think about it.

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By *itemeagainMan
over a year ago

Wexford


"Hi Everyone, thanks for all your input here,. I brought it up with her last night and she said she had no idea that it was weighing so hard on me. She made it clear again that she just has no libido and won't go and see anyone. As the chat got lighter I laughed and joked that I'll get a bit to play on the side , she said that not be a bad idea they can relieve the frustration. I coyly said yeah right and she said no really just give me a couple of days to think about it. "

And how do you feel about this response?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Hi Everyone, thanks for all your input here,. I brought it up with her last night and she said she had no idea that it was weighing so hard on me. She made it clear again that she just has no libido and won't go and see anyone. As the chat got lighter I laughed and joked that I'll get a bit to play on the side , she said that not be a bad idea they can relieve the frustration. I coyly said yeah right and she said no really just give me a couple of days to think about it. "

That's really positive

Fingers crossed you both get what you need here.

You could well find once the 'sex issue' is resolved, and the tension is eased, you'll be closer emotionally than ever

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Hi Everyone, thanks for all your input here,. I brought it up with her last night and she said she had no idea that it was weighing so hard on me. She made it clear again that she just has no libido and won't go and see anyone. As the chat got lighter I laughed and joked that I'll get a bit to play on the side , she said that not be a bad idea they can relieve the frustration. I coyly said yeah right and she said no really just give me a couple of days to think about it.

And how do you feel about this response? "

More positive definitely so fingers crossed

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Hi Everyone, thanks for all your input here,. I brought it up with her last night and she said she had no idea that it was weighing so hard on me. She made it clear again that she just has no libido and won't go and see anyone. As the chat got lighter I laughed and joked that I'll get a bit to play on the side , she said that not be a bad idea they can relieve the frustration. I coyly said yeah right and she said no really just give me a couple of days to think about it.

That's really positive

Fingers crossed you both get what you need here.

You could well find once the 'sex issue' is resolved, and the tension is eased, you'll be closer emotionally than ever "

Absolutely so here's hoping thanks again everyone

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By *he zephyrCouple
over a year ago

The Sol

Sounds like ye have good communication going on there OP. Thats brilliant. Good luck xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Have been in the same position as well where my partner's libido has completely disappeared. After a good discussion we came to the same conclusion as both of you did. It certainly helped remove all the tension in the relationship around sex and made our relationship so much better. We are both far more relaxed around each other now and our relationship is stronger. Keep the communication open with your partner and check in with her regularly to see if she is still OK with everything

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By *ofusplusCouple
over a year ago

Limerick


"Hi Everyone, thanks for all your input here,. I brought it up with her last night and she said she had no idea that it was weighing so hard on me. She made it clear again that she just has no libido and won't go and see anyone. As the chat got lighter I laughed and joked that I'll get a bit to play on the side , she said that not be a bad idea they can relieve the frustration. I coyly said yeah right and she said no really just give me a couple of days to think about it. "

That's great news

She may need continual reassurance as this unfolds and yet she may be absolutely fine with it all. Just keep communicating.

Just a suggestion to maybe delete your profile and start afresh once things are sorted OP? Should be easier to get verified next time as you may be able to travel to large socials etc etc

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By *I TwoCouple
over a year ago

PDI 12-26th Nov 24

I don't get it, you cheated on your wife last year and now want her permission to do it again ?

Maybe she suspects or knows what you did and doesn't want to fuck you anymore. Maybe she has a lover you don't know about.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Hi Everyone, thanks for all your input here,. I brought it up with her last night and she said she had no idea that it was weighing so hard on me. She made it clear again that she just has no libido and won't go and see anyone. As the chat got lighter I laughed and joked that I'll get a bit to play on the side , she said that not be a bad idea they can relieve the frustration. I coyly said yeah right and she said no really just give me a couple of days to think about it.

That's great news

She may need continual reassurance as this unfolds and yet she may be absolutely fine with it all. Just keep communicating.

Just a suggestion to maybe delete your profile and start afresh once things are sorted OP? Should be easier to get verified next time as you may be able to travel to large socials etc etc"

Yeah definitely will have a rejig of profile if I get the all ok would make sense to

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I don't get it, you cheated on your wife last year and now want her permission to do it again ?

Maybe she suspects or knows what you did and doesn't want to fuck you anymore. Maybe she has a lover you don't know about.

"

Feeling bad about it now plus wouldn't have to be sneaking about, would enjoy it more

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By *itemeagainMan
over a year ago

Wexford


"I don't get it, you cheated on your wife last year and now want her permission to do it again ?

Maybe she suspects or knows what you did and doesn't want to fuck you anymore. Maybe she has a lover you don't know about.

Feeling bad about it now plus wouldn't have to be sneaking about, would enjoy it more "

I'm Confused you said that your intimacy issues Began around June yet your desire to be with somebody else happened last year.

Maybe I'm picking this up wrong but if but if not might that indicate that you're desire to be with somebody else isn't isn't because of a lack of intimacy ?

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By *ilthyNightsCouple
over a year ago

East / North, Cork

Give him a break he's trying to do the right thing.

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By *itemeagainMan
over a year ago

Wexford


"Give him a break he's trying to do the right thing."

I'm not sure who that is aimed at ,, or how you determine what the right thing for another couple is ?

Just to clarify, I asked purely as is stated ,, a question .. without hidden judgment or agenda. Simple as .

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By *ofusplusCouple
over a year ago

Limerick


"

I'm Confused you said that your intimacy issues Began around June yet your desire to be with somebody else happened last year.

Maybe I'm picking this up wrong but if but if not might that indicate that you're desire to be with somebody else isn't isn't because of a lack of intimacy ?"

No, since their third child was born 3 years ago.

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By *1CorkCouple
over a year ago

Cork

We can’t help but get a honk of ‘woe is me’ or need for anonymous online validation of men’s reasons for cheating from these type of threads. It doesn’t bother us if guys are cheating or in open relationships, but they get our ambivalence rather than our sympathy for their reasons.

How do I bring it up with my wife? It’s not rocket science, you say it to her.

It’s taken decades of struggle and hard fought victories for women to be fully able to assert themselves on all things including relationships… terribly pitiful to think that anyone, male or female, feels incapable of doing so today.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

Feeling bad about it now plus wouldn't have to be sneaking about, would enjoy it more "

What if this desire means the end of the relationship? Think of what you would have to lose. Think of that wretched, horrible feeling balanced against the shallow short-lived thrill of shagging some anonymous person feeling THOROUGHLY miserable, isolated and totally alone afterwards until your next soulless encounter. You seriously have to watch your step here. Give your wife a year to feel different - it's the least you can do for her. She carried your children man ffs.

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By *itemeagainMan
over a year ago

Wexford


"

I'm Confused you said that your intimacy issues Began around June yet your desire to be with somebody else happened last year.

Maybe I'm picking this up wrong but if but if not might that indicate that you're desire to be with somebody else isn't isn't because of a lack of intimacy ?

No, since their third child was born 3 years ago."

Ah I see .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This is why people shouldn't post personal information on here looking for advice

1. If this is actually real, OP has had so many conflicting types of feedback that I'm sure he is in a more confused state than when he originally posted

2. If this is a fake story, there is a crack team of Internet sleuths combing through every word from OP in this post, his previous posts and his profile to prove this is all bullshit

Like, it's enjoyable to read either way, but not advisable

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By *itemeagainMan
over a year ago

Wexford


"

I'm Confused you said that your intimacy issues Began around June yet your desire to be with somebody else happened last year.

Maybe I'm picking this up wrong but if but if not might that indicate that you're desire to be with somebody else isn't isn't because of a lack of intimacy ?

No, since their third child was born 3 years ago."

Oh wait sorry I don't see

Where was that said ? It says no intimacy at all since June..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It shouldn't take a rocket scientist to work out that relationships can decline gradually over a period of years and as the accumulation of many things, it's not a question of it all going to pot overnight and shutting up shop

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By *hilaboutMan
over a year ago

kilkenny

Ah sure its obvious the lad wants his cake n eat it

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By *itemeagainMan
over a year ago

Wexford


"It shouldn't take a rocket scientist to work out that relationships can decline gradually over a period of years and as the accumulation of many things, it's not a question of it all going to pot overnight and shutting up shop"

I'm not one to assume that what can be must be

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By *alwayVixenWoman
over a year ago

Galway

If this goes how the OP hopes, then in the spirit of the new found openness in the relationship and to encourage trust, it would be a wise move to let her check any dating apps etc so that she doesn’t feel left out or isolated. Assuming you are also encouraging her to see others as well, if and when she wants to?

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By *ilthyNightsCouple
over a year ago

East / North, Cork


"If this goes how the OP hopes, then in the spirit of the new found openness in the relationship and to encourage trust, it would be a wise move to let her check any dating apps etc so that she doesn’t feel left out or isolated. Assuming you are also encouraging her to see others as well, if and when she wants to?"

But the whole point is that she isn't interested in sex... if she was then OP would be having sex with her and this whole thing would be moot.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"If this goes how the OP hopes, then in the spirit of the new found openness in the relationship and to encourage trust, it would be a wise move to let her check any dating apps etc so that she doesn’t feel left out or isolated. Assuming you are also encouraging her to see others as well, if and when she wants to?

But the whole point is that she isn't interested in sex... if she was then OP would be having sex with her and this whole thing would be moot."

Hmm, a lot of women think they're not interested in sex, when really it's sex with their husbands that's the problem

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"If this goes how the OP hopes, then in the spirit of the new found openness in the relationship and to encourage trust, it would be a wise move to let her check any dating apps etc so that she doesn’t feel left out or isolated. Assuming you are also encouraging her to see others as well, if and when she wants to?

But the whole point is that she isn't interested in sex... if she was then OP would be having sex with her and this whole thing would be moot."

Maybe not with op but maybe she has things she’d like too try,just a thought

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By *alwayVixenWoman
over a year ago

Galway


"If this goes how the OP hopes, then in the spirit of the new found openness in the relationship and to encourage trust, it would be a wise move to let her check any dating apps etc so that she doesn’t feel left out or isolated. Assuming you are also encouraging her to see others as well, if and when she wants to?

But the whole point is that she isn't interested in sex... if she was then OP would be having sex with her and this whole thing would be moot.

Hmm, a lot of women think they're not interested in sex, when really it's sex with their husbands that's the problem "

Exactly this, but also if her interest in sex returns then it seems fair that she has the same opportunities that the OP does. It could have the added benefit of adding more fun to the relationship and potentially bring them closer.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"If this goes how the OP hopes, then in the spirit of the new found openness in the relationship and to encourage trust, it would be a wise move to let her check any dating apps etc so that she doesn’t feel left out or isolated. Assuming you are also encouraging her to see others as well, if and when she wants to?

But the whole point is that she isn't interested in sex... if she was then OP would be having sex with her and this whole thing would be moot.

Hmm, a lot of women think they're not interested in sex, when really it's sex with their husbands that's the problem

Exactly this, but also if her interest in sex returns then it seems fair that she has the same opportunities that the OP does. It could have the added benefit of adding more fun to the relationship and potentially bring them closer."

Absolutely

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By *ilthyNightsCouple
over a year ago

East / North, Cork

What would be fair is her having sex with her husband. He has been forced to get her to agree to having sex elsewhere.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"What would be fair is her having sex with her husband. He has been forced to get her to agree to having sex elsewhere. "

Easily said, when we're only hearing one side of the story

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By *itemeagainMan
over a year ago

Wexford


"What would be fair is her having sex with her husband. He has been forced to get her to agree to having sex elsewhere.

Easily said, when we're only hearing one side of the story "

Dosnt really matter when your more than happy to fill in all the blanks with what you like

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By *itemeagainMan
over a year ago

Wexford


"What would be fair is her having sex with her husband. He has been forced to get her to agree to having sex elsewhere.

Easily said, when we're only hearing one side of the story "

Surly ta God we should be basing our responses solely on the details we have been given ,,, not the shit we assum

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"If this goes how the OP hopes, then in the spirit of the new found openness in the relationship and to encourage trust, it would be a wise move to let her check any dating apps etc so that she doesn’t feel left out or isolated. Assuming you are also encouraging her to see others as well, if and when she wants to?

But the whole point is that she isn't interested in sex... if she was then OP would be having sex with her and this whole thing would be moot.

Hmm, a lot of women think they're not interested in sex, when really it's sex with their husbands that's the problem "

100% this! I hear it from vanilla friends all the time...i want sex, just not with him lol. Sorry to bruise the egos lads

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"What would be fair is her having sex with her husband. He has been forced to get her to agree to having sex elsewhere.

Easily said, when we're only hearing one side of the story

Surly ta God we should be basing our responses solely on the details we have been given ,,, not the shit we assum "

Surely ya Gid nobody should be saying anyone should have sex regardless of whether or not they want to?

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By *itemeagainMan
over a year ago

Wexford


"What would be fair is her having sex with her husband. He has been forced to get her to agree to having sex elsewhere.

Easily said, when we're only hearing one side of the story

Surly ta God we should be basing our responses solely on the details we have been given ,,, not the shit we assum

Surely ya Gid nobody should be saying anyone should have sex regardless of whether or not they want to? "

Your the only one who said that !!!

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By *ilthyNightsCouple
over a year ago

East / North, Cork

I guess the hope would be that the wife would have enough respect for the husband to tell him if she just doesn't want sex with him, just like he has enough respect to give her to opportunity to fix things so he doesn't need to get sex elsewhere. Once this respect breaks down then its gonna be very hard to salvage the relationship.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"What would be fair is her having sex with her husband. He has been forced to get her to agree to having sex elsewhere.

Easily said, when we're only hearing one side of the story

Surly ta God we should be basing our responses solely on the details we have been given ,,, not the shit we assum

Surely ya Gid nobody should be saying anyone should have sex regardless of whether or not they want to?

Your the only one who said that !!! "

It was suggested that it would be "fair" that she have sex with her husband

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By *ilthyNightsCouple
over a year ago

East / North, Cork


"What would be fair is her having sex with her husband. He has been forced to get her to agree to having sex elsewhere.

Easily said, when we're only hearing one side of the story

Surly ta God we should be basing our responses solely on the details we have been given ,,, not the shit we assum

Surely ya Gid nobody should be saying anyone should have sex regardless of whether or not they want to? "

Well of course... but if she doesn't want to then it's better to know that she doesn't want to, and open dialogue is the only way forward to find out. I know if my partner went off sex with me then I'd firstly want to know, and secondly want to know why, before either working on a resolution, or looking at alternative arrangements, or separation as the logical conclusion otherwise.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"What would be fair is her having sex with her husband. He has been forced to get her to agree to having sex elsewhere.

Easily said, when we're only hearing one side of the story

Surly ta God we should be basing our responses solely on the details we have been given ,,, not the shit we assum

Surely ya Gid nobody should be saying anyone should have sex regardless of whether or not they want to?

Well of course... but if she doesn't want to then it's better to know that she doesn't want to, and open dialogue is the only way forward to find out. I know if my partner went off sex with me then I'd firstly want to know, and secondly want to know why, before either working on a resolution, or looking at alternative arrangements, or separation as the logical conclusion otherwise."

Trouble is, the sex is frequently the last thing to go, it's only then that men notice something is amiss. By this point, communication is often long gone

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By *ilthyNightsCouple
over a year ago

East / North, Cork


"What would be fair is her having sex with her husband. He has been forced to get her to agree to having sex elsewhere.

Easily said, when we're only hearing one side of the story

Surly ta God we should be basing our responses solely on the details we have been given ,,, not the shit we assum

Surely ya Gid nobody should be saying anyone should have sex regardless of whether or not they want to?

Your the only one who said that !!!

It was suggested that it would be "fair" that she have sex with her husband

"

I don't mean thay in the sense that she should have sex that she doesn't want to... I mean that it's normal for married couples to have sex, and if sex isn't on the cards forever then that's not fair on the hubby.

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By *itemeagainMan
over a year ago

Wexford


"What would be fair is her having sex with her husband. He has been forced to get her to agree to having sex elsewhere.

Easily said, when we're only hearing one side of the story

Surly ta God we should be basing our responses solely on the details we have been given ,,, not the shit we assum

Surely ya Gid nobody should be saying anyone should have sex regardless of whether or not they want to?

Your the only one who said that !!!

It was suggested that it would be "fair" that she have sex with her husband

"

It was suggested that its only fair that she have sex with others as a result of him seeking sex elsewhere because she dosnt want intimacy.

Which suggests sex is tit for tat.

Then it was suggested that it would actually be fairer if she changed her mind on wanting intimacy that she would look to her partner given that what he wanted most ! (Apparently)

Context

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"What would be fair is her having sex with her husband. He has been forced to get her to agree to having sex elsewhere.

Easily said, when we're only hearing one side of the story

Surly ta God we should be basing our responses solely on the details we have been given ,,, not the shit we assum

Surely ya Gid nobody should be saying anyone should have sex regardless of whether or not they want to?

Your the only one who said that !!!

It was suggested that it would be "fair" that she have sex with her husband

I don't mean thay in the sense that she should have sex that she doesn't want to... I mean that it's normal for married couples to have sex, and if sex isn't on the cards forever then that's not fair on the hubby."

I agree, but my point was that we have zero idea what brought her to that point and what part her other half may have played

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It definitely reads like a few personal experiences are heavily influencing reactions here.

Bit angsty for sure

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

To be clear, I'm not accusing the OP of anything, just pointing out that relationships are complex and there is always more than one perspective.

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By *ilthyNightsCouple
over a year ago

East / North, Cork


"It definitely reads like a few personal experiences are heavily influencing reactions here.

Bit angsty for sure "

It's angsty because this is a common reason people are here on the site.. and a frequent reason given to justify cheating. Its something as a couple that we have struggled with because we don't want to be part of disloyalty, but people who are honestly trying to fix nosex marriages are to be helped and commended. In my opinion anyway

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By *itemeagainMan
over a year ago

Wexford


"It definitely reads like a few personal experiences are heavily influencing reactions here.

Bit angsty for sure "

Ya think

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By *XlalaXXWoman
over a year ago

tipperary

Maybe focus ur forum energy on discussions with ur wife .

There is no right or wrong answer

And people can’t give accurate advise based on half a story.

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By *ohng69Man
over a year ago

athenry

What exactly have you and your wife agreed to? Is it that you can meet one other person or as many as you want? I think the first thing you should concentrate on is finding out why your wife feels like she does and finding a solution. If she was to get her mojo back would you be willing to stop looking to meet other women?

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By *alwayVixenWoman
over a year ago

Galway


"What would be fair is her having sex with her husband. He has been forced to get her to agree to having sex elsewhere. "

Hardly ‘forced’!

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By *ilthyNightsCouple
over a year ago

East / North, Cork


"What would be fair is her having sex with her husband. He has been forced to get her to agree to having sex elsewhere.

Hardly ‘forced’!"

I'd stand by the choice of words there. He can't be expected to do without for the rest of his life.

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By *itemeagainMan
over a year ago

Wexford


"What would be fair is her having sex with her husband. He has been forced to get her to agree to having sex elsewhere.

Hardly ‘forced’!

I'd stand by the choice of words there. He can't be expected to do without for the rest of his life."

Well Some would disagree it depends on your interpretation of for better or worse.

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By *ilthyNightsCouple
over a year ago

East / North, Cork


"What would be fair is her having sex with her husband. He has been forced to get her to agree to having sex elsewhere.

Hardly ‘forced’!

I'd stand by the choice of words there. He can't be expected to do without for the rest of his life.

Well Some would disagree it depends on your interpretation of for better or worse."

I suppose so. Sounds like a shitty existence to me, and we only get one chance at this life, but I know not everyone thinks this way.

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By *itemeagainMan
over a year ago

Wexford


"What would be fair is her having sex with her husband. He has been forced to get her to agree to having sex elsewhere.

Hardly ‘forced’!

I'd stand by the choice of words there. He can't be expected to do without for the rest of his life.

Well Some would disagree it depends on your interpretation of for better or worse.

I suppose so. Sounds like a shitty existence to me, and we only get one chance at this life, but I know not everyone thinks this way."

Fuck that... I'm coming back over and over again. Next time as the dinosaur I'm really gonna f*** with people's heads and the time line ... 1st thing I'm gonna do p*** on all these wanna be dinosaur crocodiles...

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

For anyone who hasn't read all the comments, I have discussed this before with my wife asking if I was the issue, has she fallen out of love with me or have her experiences with me as in sex put her off Sex. She said no absolutely not, still loves me etc but that her libido is gone and sex doesn't interest her at all now. The talked again 2 nights ago again I asked if there is anything I have done or could do to help her and her response was the same as before. This time it led to me getting it else where sex and just sex. She will think about it and let me know in the coming days. So for those who think I have just thought about myself and not about my wife's feelings and if it was me that was the issue I have

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By *itemeagainMan
over a year ago

Wexford


"For anyone who hasn't read all the comments, I have discussed this before with my wife asking if I was the issue, has she fallen out of love with me or have her experiences with me as in sex put her off Sex. She said no absolutely not, still loves me etc but that her libido is gone and sex doesn't interest her at all now. The talked again 2 nights ago again I asked if there is anything I have done or could do to help her and her response was the same as before. This time it led to me getting it else where sex and just sex. She will think about it and let me know in the coming days. So for those who think I have just thought about myself and not about my wife's feelings and if it was me that was the issue I have"

It the interest of honesty ... having heard you .. it dose seem that the solution is to address you libido concerns rather than your wife's. I know you have asked her, however let's say your child dosnt want to talk to you anymore.. they don't really know why just don't. You would try address it , yet I'm guessing if you were unsuccessful you wouldn't go spend time with another child and think that was the solution, even if your child said they don't mind... would you?

I'm not judging, just reading between the lines. I'd imagine its tough for you . Often in relationships its only an outsider can help as ye are to emotionally involved to see it clearly.

Couples therapy maybe ?

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"For anyone who hasn't read all the comments, I have discussed this before with my wife asking if I was the issue, has she fallen out of love with me or have her experiences with me as in sex put her off Sex. She said no absolutely not, still loves me etc but that her libido is gone and sex doesn't interest her at all now. The talked again 2 nights ago again I asked if there is anything I have done or could do to help her and her response was the same as before. This time it led to me getting it else where sex and just sex. She will think about it and let me know in the coming days. So for those who think I have just thought about myself and not about my wife's feelings and if it was me that was the issue I have

It the interest of honesty ... having heard you .. it dose seem that the solution is to address you libido concerns rather than your wife's. I know you have asked her, however let's say your child dosnt want to talk to you anymore.. they don't really know why just don't. You would try address it , yet I'm guessing if you were unsuccessful you wouldn't go spend time with another child and think that was the solution, even if your child said they don't mind... would you?

I'm not judging, just reading between the lines. I'd imagine its tough for you . Often in relationships its only an outsider can help as ye are to emotionally involved to see it clearly.

Couples therapy maybe ? "

Have brought up couples therapy the other night, she doesn't want to as all other aspects of the relationship are fine,

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By *atts n titsCouple
over a year ago

everywhere

Id thréad very carefully here she's saying what she thinks you want to hear can you imagine how hurt she's going to be if you say grand it's just a ride to a non swinger be a nail in your coffin

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By *itemeagainMan
over a year ago

Wexford


"For anyone who hasn't read all the comments, I have discussed this before with my wife asking if I was the issue, has she fallen out of love with me or have her experiences with me as in sex put her off Sex. She said no absolutely not, still loves me etc but that her libido is gone and sex doesn't interest her at all now. The talked again 2 nights ago again I asked if there is anything I have done or could do to help her and her response was the same as before. This time it led to me getting it else where sex and just sex. She will think about it and let me know in the coming days. So for those who think I have just thought about myself and not about my wife's feelings and if it was me that was the issue I have

It the interest of honesty ... having heard you .. it dose seem that the solution is to address you libido concerns rather than your wife's. I know you have asked her, however let's say your child dosnt want to talk to you anymore.. they don't really know why just don't. You would try address it , yet I'm guessing if you were unsuccessful you wouldn't go spend time with another child and think that was the solution, even if your child said they don't mind... would you?

I'm not judging, just reading between the lines. I'd imagine its tough for you . Often in relationships its only an outsider can help as ye are to emotionally involved to see it clearly.

Couples therapy maybe ?

Have brought up couples therapy the other night, she doesn't want to as all other aspects of the relationship are fine,"

I'm going out on a limb here and saying do you really thing so ?

Ye struggle to communicate... you on a sex site looking for hugs.. you cheated(not judging) and feel bad but can't be honest with each other........

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Id thréad very carefully here she's saying what she thinks you want to hear can you imagine how hurt she's going to be if you say grand it's just a ride to a non swinger be a nail in your coffin "

Thats what I was thinking. It is one thing to agree with something to please your partner but I would worry how the reality of you actually getting sex from others would effect your wife. Maybe she would be ok and thats fine but I would be a bit concerned that it would make her feel less of a woman or something like that.

Just my thoughts.

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