FabSwingers.com forum: Loneliness

By *rank7737 OP Man
over a year ago

Hey guys and apologies in advance as i know everyone goes though difficult times but loneliness is something I'm very much struggling with this over the past little while. I know it's something that people don't really talk about and i don't want to be feeling sorry for myself or be a charity case to anyone as ive always been a very strong person whenever it comes to mental health issues but just the past couple of weeks it has really started to affect me and my own mental attitude as i feel broken and the loneliness that goes with that makes me sick to my stomach.

I felt like this whole fab adventure would have helped me though and to be fair it has been a blast mostly over the past 12/13 months but again just lately the loneliness has been a real struggle.

Again apologies for pouring my heart out here on a public forum and i know it's not the correct place to air my thoughts as everyone goes though difficult times and I'm no different in that respect it's just a really crap time at the moment.

Again just typing this it makes me look incredibly neddy which isn't the case it's the case i sometimes just feel it's important that we talk about these kind of issues.

Thank you x

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By *he zephyrCouple
over a year ago

The Sol

Anywhere and anyway you feel comfortable to talk about such things, Ohpee, is the correct place and way to do so.

You're completely right that anyone feeling such a way or similar should be encouraged to talk about it, even address it like you have. That's a huge step in itself.

Safe spaces aplenty on here in my opinion. I reckon you've just created one without realising it

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By *ogladyWoman
over a year ago

The bog

Here is as good as a place as any to talk about it there a people here that are willing to listen without any judgment and that includes myself..

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By *otownkid1967Man
over a year ago

Portlaoise

It's good to get it off your chest pal and fair play to you for opening up about how you feel. Drop me a message anytime for a chat.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

As everyone above has said this is as good a place as any to reach out.

That being said professional councillors are professional for a reason and if you haven't already you should definitely get in touch with one

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Here is as good a place as any op,even Judy saying it out loud can help, I think as we are going into autumn, and evenings are darker etc it is harder to stop them feelings but it's important to make tome for them how to handle them, what you can do change the feelings.

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By *itemeagainMan
over a year ago

Wexford

"Hey guys and apologies in advance as i know everyone goes though difficult times but loneliness is something I'm very much struggling with this over the past little while. I know it's something that people don't really talk about and i don't want to be feeling sorry for myself or be a charity case to anyone as ive always been a very strong person whenever it comes to mental health issues but just the past couple of weeks it has really started to affect me and my own mental attitude as i feel broken and the loneliness that goes with that makes me sick to my stomach.

I felt like this whole fab adventure would have helped me though and to be fair it has been a blast mostly over the past 12/13 months but again just lately the loneliness has been a real struggle.

Again just typing this it makes me look incredibly neddy which isn't the case it's the case i sometimes just feel it's important that we talk about these kind of issues.

Thank you x"

Loneliness is like many other things we all struggle with at times. It sounds like it be a difficult year or more for you.

It good to hear that fab has been a distraction for a bit.

What were your hopes for fab?

Imo you should not apologize for being brave enought to be honest . Thats no easy feet.

You mentioned that the loneliness is something that comes from feeling broken .

What do you think has led you to feel broken ?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 26/09/22 18:01:02]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I felt like this whole fab adventure would have helped me though and to be fair it has been a blast mostly over the past 12/13 months but again just lately the loneliness has been a real struggle.

Again just typing this it makes me look incredibly neddy which isn't the case it's the case i sometimes just feel it's important that we talk about these kind of issues.

Thank you x"

There's no need to apologise. Loneliness sucks and it's hard to deal with at the best of times, let alone coming into winter.

If airing it here helps you, who's to say you shouldn't?

All I would offer is that if you are feeling dragged down by this, speak to a professional too. They may not have any answers, but holding on to it and bottling it up only makes things a thousand times worse. I say that from experience and as someone who works in that field.

Reach out. You never know who will reach back.

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By *3nsesMan
over a year ago

Dublin

I've always felt one of the negatives of the world wide Web Haa been that it has helped mask(temporarily) people's loneliness and unhappiness.

I'd agree with the advice around professional help and then start asking yourself what you really need and want for happiness.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You're not broken, op. None of us are. You don't need to be fixed. Just heard, and acknowledged.

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By *neniceguy1Man
over a year ago

Mullingar

"Anywhere and anyway you feel comfortable to talk about such things, Ohpee, is the correct place and way to do so.

You're completely right that anyone feeling such a way or similar should be encouraged to talk about it, even address it like you have. That's a huge step in itself.

Safe spaces aplenty on here in my opinion. I reckon you've just created one without realising it

Totally agree. Loneliness is everywhere in our society especially in this setting. We try to escape it in here but can never forget it. Maybe we should try to keep a forum open for such subjects.

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By *rank7737 OP Man
over a year ago

Hey guys thanks a million for the advice and helpful comments it really is very much appreciated.

Just with getting professional help i always thought that i would struggle talking openly but here i am pouring my heart out on a public forum so it's something I'm definitely going to look into sitting down with a therapist at some stage.

I'm sure i'll be grand in a day or two I'm just finding that I'm getting emotional lately with the feelings of emptiness and struggling with it but again in a day or two it will be out of my system again and move forward but that black dog will still be hanging around from time to time and i know i need to banish it for good.

But i hope this thread will help others if anyone else is struggling as it really is good to talk so thank you all for listening and reading my incoherent rubbish.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Hey guys thanks a million for the advice and helpful comments it really is very much appreciated.

But i hope this thread will help others if anyone else is struggling as it really is good to talk so thank you all for listening and reading my incoherent rubbish."

Brother, you'd be amazed at the power of just sharing something and getting it off your chest.

I know the black dog all too well; but it is tameable. Get yourself a cuppa, stick on something funny and laugh your arse off. It helps. It really does.

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By * la carteCouple
over a year ago

Dublin

"Hey guys thanks a million for the advice and helpful comments it really is very much appreciated.

But i hope this thread will help others if anyone else is struggling as it really is good to talk so thank you all for listening and reading my incoherent rubbish."

It's a lot easier to talk about it behind a screen though, and a hell of a lot different when you're face to face with either a professional or a confidante of sorts.

The important thing is not to let it get to a stage where that black dog becomes too overpowering.

I don't know what's going on in your life to make you feel lonely, sad and/or depressed but depression is something that I've dealt with for many years seeing the ex husband suffer, refusing to get help for the longest time, I've been there and done my time with it and now have a teen I'm trying my best to guide through it.

If it's "just" the occasional blues with the change in season, I'm sure you'll be out the other side in no time...if it goes a little deeper, then please do seek not only professional help but also family and friends who you can confide in, who'll have your back.

Sending warmest wishes and a hug x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Well mate fair play for sharing, never easy as a male to show your vulnerable side, if you ever need a chat or feeling down you can pm no bother ??

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Been there buddy but there is light at the end of the tunnel. You will get through this. If you want to chat I'll gladly send you my number

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Maybe this lifestyle isn't for you, youve had a blast but there is still a gaping hole that needs to be filled if you pardon the pun, the nature of here is to satisfy one's sexual needs then discard the other person promptly and move on to the next person, for some it works but others it only makes them more isolated, might be time to pursue a meaningful relationship 1 with it of love, hope it works out

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By *itemeagainMan
over a year ago

Wexford

https://www.samaritans.org/ireland/branches/waterford/

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By *itemeagainMan
over a year ago

Wexford

There all over the country .. this one came up as its closest to me .

Same number for intire country

Below taken from site.

116123

Contact a Samaritan

If you need someone to talk to, we listen. We won't judge or tell you what to do.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

OP, if you want to hook up over a coffee and have a chat just drop me a message.

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By *rank7737 OP Man
over a year ago

Ahh folks thank you i'll be good in a day or two i think i just needed to get it off my chest so thank you again x

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By *lameBoyMan
over a year ago

Enfield & Dublin

"Hey guys thanks a million for the advice and helpful comments it really is very much appreciated.

Fair play to you for opening up here. As others have said, it’s generally a non judgmental space here and so far the thread has held that tone. In here we have the benefit of anonymity but still feeling of community. We are like a big dysfunctional family really.

I have my own black dog too. He’s always with me but I’ve learned how to master him over time and with some absolutely super professional help. He still nips at me every now and then, it’s natural. Acknowledging your own black dog is vital to dealing with it. You need to learn what or where your “happy place” is and go there with your dog. It’s there that you are in control of it. Mine is water, the sea river or lake. I go there and sit contemplating until I feel ready to take on the world for another go round.

I did find out too that it’s not three words but one, psycho-the-rapist.

Keep safe and never hesitate to call out for help or company. I’m a listening ear if you ever want. That goes for everyone else too. I’d rather listen to you rant away than read a sad side note in the daily paper.

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By *asual777Man
over a year ago

i travel all over

Yes the black dog is there , waiting to pounce . But he gets tamed by me distracting him with things I love doing . From the moment I open my eyes till I close them. Whether it’s a nice breakfast , a fab meet , a walk , soccer , time with family , a swim , meeting up with friends . He is so exhausted he rarely comes out these days

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By *eijaWoman
over a year ago

City Centre

A brave post OP..it's good to talk and that's what the forums are for. It's also ok to be vulnerable..life is a struggle at times for everyone. Life in particular has been a struggle the past few years with Covid. It really has been tough and had a massive impact on everyone's mental health.

Talk to someone and do all the things that make you happy.

Don't be afraid to post here again. We are a community and lots of amazing people here ready to listen.

B x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This time of year is when SAD kicks in for most people including myself, hit me like a brick wall about 10 days ago.

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By *itty369Woman
over a year ago

Munster somewhere sometime

Hey op fair play to you for opening the discussion on this. I think firstly to know it bites at us all sometimes. For me it can be most profound in a room full of people, but then I remind myself I'm probably in the wrong company and move on... like another poster said try filling up your time with something you like doing outside of fab or maybe push yourself even more and try something completely new there are so many classes starting this time of year or groups training for tri athlons and stuff and if there isn't maybe create one. I think this time of year call it seasonal disorder or whatever but it can all be a bit more prevalent, so takes a extra bit of work to keep that dog on a tight leash.... sexual pun fully intended x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'd always recommend that people watch the WHO video about depression. Google I Have A Black Dog.

It's extremely helpful for those who struggle to understand depression, and validating for those of us trying every day to keep our own black dog tame.

Look after yourselves fabbers

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By *rank7737 OP Man
over a year ago

Hey everyone i just want to say a massive that you to you all for all the messages from lastnight and this morning x

But today is a new day and hopefully a better day for all including myself. I have already taken the first steps regarding seeking professional support to deal with my thoughts and that big old black dog that seems to hang around from time to time.

Also i feel it's important that we keep this thread open and if anyone is feeling down and would like to share there thoughts openly or privately then i would encourage this as after i opened up yesterday it really was a weight lifted off my shoulders as sometimes we all just need to get things off our chest to try and move forward.

So please god today will be a better day and a positive day for us all.

Thanks a million again.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Hey everyone i just want to say a massive that you to you all for all the messages from lastnight and this morning x

So please god today will be a better day and a positive day for us all.

Thanks a million again."

Frank, that's fantastic to hear. Just keep moving forward. Some days it's two steps forward, one step back. Other days it's ten steps back, one forward. But always moving forward.

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By *eijaWoman
over a year ago

City Centre

"Hey everyone i just want to say a massive that you to you all for all the messages from lastnight and this morning x

So please god today will be a better day and a positive day for us all.

Thanks a million again."

Great to hear Frank

B x

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By *ofusplusCouple
over a year ago

Limerick

"Hey everyone i just want to say a massive that you to you all for all the messages from lastnight and this morning x

So please god today will be a better day and a positive day for us all.

Thanks a million again."

A problem shared is a problem halved

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Hey everyone i just want to say a massive that you to you all for all the messages from lastnight and this morning x

So please god today will be a better day and a positive day for us all.

Thanks a million again.

A problem shared is a problem halved

My own personal fave...

"A friend in need is a fucking nuisance"

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By *he zephyrCouple
over a year ago

The Sol

"Hey everyone i just want to say a massive that you to you all for all the messages from lastnight and this morning x

So please god today will be a better day and a positive day for us all.

Thanks a million again."

Good to hear. Mind yourself xxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Hey everyone i just want to say a massive that you to you all for all the messages from lastnight and this morning x

So please god today will be a better day and a positive day for us all.

Thanks a million again."

So happy to hear Frank xx Fab is as good a place as any to get things on your chest as theres all ages here... Im sure your post has helped others to talk to someone if they were feeling low

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I saw an interesting post earlier

"when nobody wakes you

Up in the morning...

When nobody waits up for

You at night and

When you can do whatever

You want.

Do you call it

Freedom or

Loneliness?"

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By *ettaManMan
over a year ago

Kerry and Dublin

Glad to hear you've taken the first steps to seeking professional help. Be sure to follow through with it. Be sure to let us know how it goes for you, bcos it could be an inspiration to others.

If you don't already, look into practicing meditation. I would suggest loving kindness meditation in particular. If you get the opportunity to do a loving kindness retreat, I would highly recommend it.

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By *ardyboy54321Man
over a year ago

Fermanagh

Fair play Frank for posting how your feeling can't have been easy. As many have said before its a great place to let it out rather than bottle it up your not alone Frank you'll get through this

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By *ubal1Man
over a year ago

Newry Down

There was an excellent article in today's Irish Times about loneliness and being alone or solitary, and the crucial difference between the two!

Worth having a look.

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By *itty369Woman
over a year ago

Munster somewhere sometime

"Glad to hear you've taken the first steps to seeking professional help. Be sure to follow through with it. Be sure to let us know how it goes for you, bcos it could be an inspiration to others.

Are they in Ireland?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I worked with an older man a few years ago, he was always early and always stayed late.

I casually asked him why he spent so much time in work and his answer was ," i might not talk to another person for the days I'm off here". It made me think about all the times in queues at the shop, or post office especially, where older people talked the ears of the cashier. It used to drive me mad, now i smoke at them and if possible have a conversation with them too .

Loneliness is heartbreaking.

Personally, i like to drink and listen to music, on my own, i like my own company.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Smile

not smoke ... Feckin prediction text

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By *ORDERMANMan
over a year ago

wrexham

Tomorrow will be a better day...

Tomorrow is also the first day of the rest of your life....

It may be a little gesture but draw solace from no matter what our own individual problems are...someone somewhere is having a worse time.

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By *olouWoman
over a year ago

Swords

Wow,Frank, what an honest open post.By doing this you opened a great conversion and have probably helped others as well. Such a great step and thank you.Lonliness is such a difficult discussion. I am delighted to hear your feeling a bit better xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm so glad you reached out

That took courage.

People should be able to talk about mental health freely.

Like someone there said you just created a safe place to talk and everyone on the thread has been so kind...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It is one of the most heartbreaking situations ever .. loneliness . people can get caught up in their own world and totally forget about those that may be lonely, they don't do it deliberately as they have so much going on at that time of their life but there are some who are just lonely , they could have lost their spouse , loved one , a friend who they met everyday , anything , so it's so important to chat to a person you might think is lonely ,if only for a few minutes , you never know those few minutes could be a pure treasure to someone ,if a person does feel lonely it is so important to do or find something they love doing , it could be music , movies, walking, TV programmes , going to card games , anything that they can look forward too , loneliness can be so detrimental to people yet can be helped by doing a few Small things by those that can .

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By *rank7737 OP Man
over a year ago

Good morning folks and hope you all have a great day and please remember if anyone is going through a difficult time or is suffering from any mental health issues or just feeling little bit down or lonely then please reach out publicly or privately as just getting things of my owm chest over the last couple of days has really helped me personally and if i can ever return that favour in any small way i would be truly grateful and truly grateful for love and support shown from this wonderful community xx

#Onwards and upwards

#It's good to talk

#Positive mental attitude

#Today is a good day.

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By *ettaManMan
over a year ago

Kerry and Dublin

Are they in Ireland?"

There are retreats in Ireland. The only place I've done then is in Dzogchen Beara,in West Cork but they can be a bit on the expensive side. There are other retreat centres in Ireland, but I'm not sure what retreats they run.

Shunyata in Sixmilebridge in Clare, and Jampa Ling in Bawnboy, Cavan could be worth a look.

It would be worth checking some vids on YouTube as well, to get an idea of what the practice is about.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Good morning folks and hope you all have a great day and please remember if anyone is going through a difficult time or is suffering from any mental health issues or just feeling little bit down or lonely then please reach out publicly or privately as just getting things of my owm chest over the last couple of days has really helped me personally and if i can ever return that favour in any small way i would be truly grateful and truly grateful for love and support shown from this wonderful community xx

#Onwards and upwards

#It's good to talk

#Positive mental attitude

#Today is a good day."

So true, noone should be afraid to reach out ( been there only took me years to do it and I'm still not great at it)

But it does help and you be surprised at the ones who will help you out.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Always at the other end of the phone Frank, fair play there is alot of it an admire your openiness about it x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just to echo what a lot have said...

Frank, it takes courage to reach out. Keep pushing forward. You can drop me a PM if you ever need any advice or want to vent

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