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Filthiest joke

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By *hunt OP   Man
over a year ago

North clare

Okay folks, lets hear your filthiest jokes, I'll start with a tame wan...

What did the lepper say when he was finished in the knocking shop.......

Keep the tip !

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By *adhatter and coCouple
over a year ago

Middle of mayo n peaceful tranquility

if only there was more mosquito nets available in Africa it would save millions of mosquito s dying needlessly of aids every year..

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By *allyCD123TV/TS
over a year ago

Wexford

Three d*unk guys boasting about there sex life in the pub. the first guy say d*unkely 'when i fuck my wife I'm so good she floats a foot off the bed and floats back down', The second guy says thats fuckin nothin when I fuck me wife she floats two foot off the bed and floats back down'. Finally the last feela say ah lads thats fuckin nothin when I fuck me wife when I'm finished fucking her i wipe me knob in the curtain an she fucking hots the roof :D

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By *onnrodMan
over a year ago

moira

This is bad...

Old Bob and Rose were in the same nursing home for years and after a while friendship turned to love. Eventually they decided to consummate the relationship and Bob showed up at Rose room ready to do the dirty deed. He asked what she liked when she was younger and she said she'd love him to go down on her.

Bob creaked down on to his knees and started lapping away, but 30 seconds later he stopped and said "I'm terribly sorry my dear, but without being rude, you smell and taste really bad down there."

"ah" Rose replied, "that'll be the arthritis"

"don't be silly" said Bob "arthritis doesn't affect your vagina, and it wouldn't make it smell!"

"it's not that" replied Rose, "I've got arthritis in my shoulder, I can't wipe my arse...."

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By *ichael McCarthyMan
over a year ago

Lucan

I went to the zoo to see the monkeys wanking. Then I went to see the penguins. I was still wanking.

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By *ezoMan
over a year ago

The Kingdom

What do tofu and a vibrator have in common?

They are both meat substitutes.

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By *hunt OP   Man
over a year ago

North clare


"This is bad...

Old Bob and Rose were in the same nursing home for years and after a while friendship turned to love. Eventually they decided to consummate the relationship and Bob showed up at Rose room ready to do the dirty deed. He asked what she liked when she was younger and she said she'd love him to go down on her.

Bob creaked down on to his knees and started lapping away, but 30 seconds later he stopped and said "I'm terribly sorry my dear, but without being rude, you smell and taste really bad down there."

"ah" Rose replied, "that'll be the arthritis"

"don't be silly" said Bob "arthritis doesn't affect your vagina, and it wouldn't make it smell!"

"it's not that" replied Rose, "I've got arthritis in my shoulder, I can't wipe my arse...." "

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By *ir Lance a CockMan
over a year ago

Belfast

Whats the difference between a mosquito and a pornstar?? One stops sucking when u smack it

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By *ORDERMANMan
over a year ago

wrexham

Two kerry men in the village bar, hey up brendan not seen you for a while say keiran, it s the lambing season I've not been off the farm for 3 week replies Brendan, much been happening in the village..?

Well says keiran they've opened one of them there brothels, you can drink as much as want, have as much sex as you want, and at the end of the night they give you €200,....bloody hell says brendan that sounds like a great night, have you been..?

No says keiran but the wife has....

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By *ORDERMANMan
over a year ago

wrexham

It's late on a Friday afternoon and a mature distinguished gentleman walks into one of Dublins' High end jewellers with a pretty young blonde on his.

Approaching the jeweller he informs him in a very refined D4 accent that he wishes to purchase a ring for his girlfriend..

The jeweller proceeds to pull out a tray displaying rings up to the value of €5000, No no says the gentleman, I wish to purchase a special ring, oh says the jeweller, give me a minute, retires into the back room and returns with a tray displaying rings up to €50,000...

The girlfriend picks up one of the rings and literally shakes just holding it..I believe this is the ring we want...how much is it..?

Excellent choice sir says the jeweller, this ring is €40,000...how do you wish to pay...?

If you don't mind replies the gentlemen I wish to pay by cheque, however due to the late hour I can appreciate you'll want to check with my bank there are sufficient funds in my account which you won't be able to do till Monday morning...when you've done that if you'd kindly ring me on the number I've written on the back of the cheque, I will call in Monday afternoon to collect the ring...

Very good says the jeweller...

Monday comes and the jeweller is straight on the phone to the guy

"There's no money in your feckin account"

"I know" says the guy, "but can you by any means imagine the weekend I've just had"....!!

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By *oupleseekerMan
over a year ago

Belfast

A woman was granted 2 wishes.

First wish, she asked for big boobs, they grew to 38DD.

Second wish, she asked for a tight cunt.

I gave her your number

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"A woman was granted 2 wishes.

First wish, she asked for big boobs, they grew to 38DD.

Second wish, she asked for a tight cunt.

I gave her your number"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Fella goes to a brothel; throws €1000 at the madam and says "gimme the ugliest, dirtiest girl you have and after a badly burnt steak"

The madam says "for that, I'll get you our best girl and a properly cooked steak"

He says, "nah, I'm feeling homesick"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"This is bad...

Old Bob and Rose were in the same nursing home for years and after a while friendship turned to love. Eventually they decided to consummate the relationship and Bob showed up at Rose room ready to do the dirty deed. He asked what she liked when she was younger and she said she'd love him to go down on her.

Bob creaked down on to his knees and started lapping away, but 30 seconds later he stopped and said "I'm terribly sorry my dear, but without being rude, you smell and taste really bad down there."

"ah" Rose replied, "that'll be the arthritis"

"don't be silly" said Bob "arthritis doesn't affect your vagina, and it wouldn't make it smell!"

"it's not that" replied Rose, "I've got arthritis in my shoulder, I can't wipe my arse...." "

Paddy and Mary are living in the old folks home. Been married for 60 years. Paddy comes in one day and says, "Mary, I'm leaving you. I'm moving in with Margaret down the hall."

Mary, shocked asks "but why? What does she have that I don't?"

"She gives me oral sex"

"But so do I!"

"Aye Mary. But you don't have Parkinson's "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What's the difference between a bucket of sand and a bucket of period blood?

You can't gargle sand

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By *otownkid1967Man
over a year ago

Portlaoise


"It's late on a Friday afternoon and a mature distinguished gentleman walks into one of Dublins' High end jewellers with a pretty young blonde on his.

Approaching the jeweller he informs him in a very refined D4 accent that he wishes to purchase a ring for his girlfriend..

The jeweller proceeds to pull out a tray displaying rings up to the value of €5000, No no says the gentleman, I wish to purchase a special ring, oh says the jeweller, give me a minute, retires into the back room and returns with a tray displaying rings up to €50,000...

The girlfriend picks up one of the rings and literally shakes just holding it..I believe this is the ring we want...how much is it..?

Excellent choice sir says the jeweller, this ring is €40,000...how do you wish to pay...?

If you don't mind replies the gentlemen I wish to pay by cheque, however due to the late hour I can appreciate you'll want to check with my bank there are sufficient funds in my account which you won't be able to do till Monday morning...when you've done that if you'd kindly ring me on the number I've written on the back of the cheque, I will call in Monday afternoon to collect the ring...

Very good says the jeweller...

Monday comes and the jeweller is straight on the phone to the guy

"There's no money in your feckin account"

"I know" says the guy, "but can you by any means imagine the weekend I've just had"....!!"

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