FabSwingers.com forum: "So I DATED A NARCISSIST"

By *easingTim OP Man
over a year ago

Loughlinstown

These days we read, watch and are subjected to narcissists and sociopaths online as well as experts who make indepth and specialised podcasts on this topic...

Now, am just wondering if you yourself have ever dated a narcissist or sociopath

and if so, what was your experience and what did you learn from it all??

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

These days we read, watch and are subjected to narcissists and sociopaths online as well as experts who make indepth and specialised podcasts on this topic...

Now, am just wondering if you yourself have ever dated a narcissist or sociopath

and if so, what was your experience and what did you learn from it all??

No, never dated one but there have been times l knew after 10 seconds that there wouldn't be another time , it was just both knew there was no " click " ..that's life

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By *etmebeurfantasyWoman
over a year ago

My town

Was in a narcissistic relationship a long time ago. At the time you don't see it as one, bit by bit they get too you. On the surface he seemed almost ideal quiet, caring, but he knew when to turn that side on. Controlling demanding, and towards the end of the relationship violent. Main reason to leave and come here was because of him, give me and my two daughters the life they deserved 21 22 yrs later, I still find it hard to believe what I put up with went through. I'm.a different person now older and wiser.

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By *easingTim OP Man
over a year ago

Loughlinstown

On the surface (and social media) , some of us have a few narcissist tendencies and that's fine

but to actually meet a sociopath

who initially appeared warm, caring and empathetic

only to later reveal herself to me as completely self centered, self absorbed, possessive, mean spirited and when dr*nk would say things like

"You just don't deserve me"

... anyway, how I put up with her for 4 months is anyone's guess

and yes, she even got to play the victim card after we split up

Anyway, if I ever see the guy she married, will be sure to send him over a drink as he got the bullet between the eyes that T.T dodged!

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By *ofusplusCouple
over a year ago

Limerick

Not a narcissist but a deeply troubled guy, very intelligent but came from a dysfunctional family where his father used to beat his mother. Once things became serious he changed and started treating me badly and being verbally abusive, as if he couldn't handle a serious relationship.

I think this is why the so-called alpha males give me the eye rolls nowadays. I steer well clear. Mrs.

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By *ofusplusCouple
over a year ago

Limerick

"On the surface (and social media) , some of us have a few narcissist tendencies and that's fine

but to actually meet a sociopath

who initially appeared warm, caring and empathetic

only to later reveal herself to me as completely self centered, self absorbed, possessive, mean spirited and when dr*nk would say things like

"You just don't deserve me"

... anyway, how I put up with her for 4 months is anyone's guess

and yes, she even got to play the victim card after we split up

Anyway, if I ever see the guy she married, will be sure to send him over a drink as he got the bullet between the eyes that T.T dodged!

All sounds very familiar

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By *ubal1Man
over a year ago

Newry Down

The most effective method of dealing with narcissism is to stop all contact.

I have had to do this on several occasions for my own peace of mind.

Walk away, and don't look back; narcissists have massive egos, but beneath the bluster they are insecure damaged people who cannot ever be rehabilitated to behave normally.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Dated a narcissist for 6 years. Ended very very very badly. She couldnt see what she had done wrong. Spread so many rumours about me. One of her friends reached out to me and basically said she was sorry for what I went through. Best part was 6 months after we ended she texted me asking how I was and if we could meet! I never responded! Best thing I ever did was ending the relationship

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes for 9 months.

He was the classic description of one but i hadnt come across someone like that before and was sucked in. Its hard to explain but phrases such as emotional vampire, icy cold when upset, word salad arguments, extreme fantasy world with grandiose beliefs, and psychological chinese-burns (a mental and emotional push-pull) are what i experienced.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 19/09/22 00:21:11]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Yes for 9 months.

"
feels so good to get away doesnt it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Married one.

We dated for years but only lived together after marriage so he kept the veneer up very well in the early stages.

A few red flags in hind sight but I was a lot younger than him and I realise now ripe for his picking.

He dropped the act when I fell pregnant with our eldest. No longer being my only focus was the end of his fantasy life.

Many long hard years later, kids were older and his behaviour was erratic, abusive, etc. so I called time and he lost all reason. Stalked me online, cut up my clothes, tried to tell family I needed psychological help, tried to say I had had an affair, etc. Anything to punish me for upsetting his little apple cart.

Free of him now and life is good, life is great actually

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Married one.

We dated for years but only lived together after marriage so he kept the veneer up very well in the early stages.

A few red flags in hind sight but I was a lot younger than him and I realise now ripe for his picking.

He dropped the act when I fell pregnant with our eldest. No longer being my only focus was the end of his fantasy life.

Free of him now and life is good, life is great actually

Interesting,quite a few things here that my ex husband also did when I told him our marriage was over, although I would stop short at describing him as a narcissist, he certainly tried to control the narrative and undermine me and my mental health with my family, even though we had agreed not to discuss the situation with our families.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hi I lived with one for nearly 7 years, wow when I look back at it how did I stay so long,the verbal abuse was unreal big timper control freak, my life was not my own, thay think thay know what you should do say weir behave,step out of line you got fucked,I say to people now take a plate at home I get funked over it,put it in the dishwasher, it's in the wrong place don't put it it's wrong but what killed me was to wash the plate to get why u washing the plate, never can do enuff say the right thing or do the right thing, so last new year's eve after getting a dressing down in front of her family and friends I walked away, walked 29km in the night just to get away it broke my heart I left my son.

9 months In i can say I am just starting to find myself again,still have to deal with her,but it's kills her to think I got away,my family have been brilliant to me and will never forget that..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes for 6 months

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Married one.

We dated for years but only lived together after marriage so he kept the veneer up very well in the early stages.

A few red flags in hind sight but I was a lot younger than him and I realise now ripe for his picking.

He dropped the act when I fell pregnant with our eldest. No longer being my only focus was the end of his fantasy life.

Free of him now and life is good, life is great actually

I'm just not comfortable revealing all that happened in the marriage itself to show the narcissistic traits. Too soon and too public.

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By *ustBoWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in Co. Down

Yes I have dated one. Started off great ended up absolutely shit in the end. I'm glad it's over and I'll never ignore the signs again. That pretty much sums it up.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Wow reading the thread so much rings true in my own experience.

I think I might be a narcissist

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Wow reading the thread so much rings true in my own experience.

I think I might be a narcissist"

I'd be slow to label anyone a narcissist (Donald Trump aside), we all have elements of narcissism (without which we could be doormats) and people will behave strangely under extreme stress such as a break-up, but they do exist, and to be a victim of one can be extremely damaging.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Wow reading the thread so much rings true in my own experience.

I think I might be a narcissist

Exactly

Its my understanding that we're all made of them same stuff both physically and in our psychology. But to differing degrees so traits will be present in all but to different levels, perhaps very prominent or just mild or maybe hardly noticeable. I also believe in a combination of nature and nurture, we can control and regulate ourselves to a point. (Obv not where medical intervention is necessary)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Theres a spectrum of narcissism as a characteristic its true.

Theres also NPD which is a diagnosable disorder.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Theres a spectrum of narcissism as a characteristic its true.

Theres also NPD which is a diagnosable disorder."

True,diagnosable by someone suitably qualified.

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By *eralt80Man
over a year ago

cork

"Theres a spectrum of narcissism as a characteristic its true.

Theres also NPD which is a diagnosable disorder.

True,diagnosable by someone suitably qualified."

But if you were a narcissist would you acknowledge you had a problem?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Theres a spectrum of narcissism as a characteristic its true.

Theres also NPD which is a diagnosable disorder.

True,diagnosable by someone suitably qualified.

But if you were a narcissist would you acknowledge you had a problem?"

Does denial mean that you must be??

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By *omebirdWoman
over a year ago

They've no soul. Empathy switch firmly turned off. Never wrong. Cross one and they'll do everything to destroy you.

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By *eralt80Man
over a year ago

cork

"Theres a spectrum of narcissism as a characteristic its true.

Theres also NPD which is a diagnosable disorder.

True,diagnosable by someone suitably qualified.

But if you were a narcissist would you acknowledge you had a problem?

Does denial mean that you must be??"

I guess not, also it could be another path to elicit sympathy and control

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Theres a spectrum of narcissism as a characteristic its true.

Theres also NPD which is a diagnosable disorder.

True,diagnosable by someone suitably qualified.

But if you were a narcissist would you acknowledge you had a problem?

Does denial mean that you must be??

I guess not, also it could be another path to elicit sympathy and control"

"Feeling special"

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By *eralt80Man
over a year ago

cork

"Theres a spectrum of narcissism as a characteristic its true.

Theres also NPD which is a diagnosable disorder.

True,diagnosable by someone suitably qualified.

But if you were a narcissist would you acknowledge you had a problem?

Does denial mean that you must be??

I guess not, also it could be another path to elicit sympathy and control

"Feeling special""

I am special but that’s besides the point

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By *oghunter33Woman
over a year ago

on the hill NordWest of

"Theres a spectrum of narcissism as a characteristic its true.

Theres also NPD which is a diagnosable disorder.

True,diagnosable by someone suitably qualified."

This! By no means I want to play down what some have experienced but it doesn't qualify anyone to amateur-diagnose a person. Plus there's always 3 sides to a story.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Theres a spectrum of narcissism as a characteristic its true.

Theres also NPD which is a diagnosable disorder.

True,diagnosable by someone suitably qualified.

This! By no means I want to play down what some have experienced but it doesn't qualify anyone to amateur-diagnose a person. Plus there's always 3 sides to a story. "

Absolutely

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By *eavenscentitCouple
over a year ago

barnstaple

I was married to one for far too long. Sucked me in then as soon as we were married blame- emotionally abusive, controlling, gas lighting.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Theres a spectrum of narcissism as a characteristic its true.

Theres also NPD which is a diagnosable disorder.

True,diagnosable by someone suitably qualified.

This! By no means I want to play down what some have experienced but it doesn't qualify anyone to amateur-diagnose a person. Plus there's always 3 sides to a story.

Absolutely

I agree folk do like to armchair diagnose and I would take issue with that in so far as doing it to a stranger or work colleague or celebrity, etc. It's a different scenario if you are living the illness as an innocent bystander. Front row seats are often the only ones who know the truth

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By *ofusplusCouple
over a year ago

Limerick

"Theres a spectrum of narcissism as a characteristic its true.

Theres also NPD which is a diagnosable disorder.

True,diagnosable by someone suitably qualified.

This! By no means I want to play down what some have experienced but it doesn't qualify anyone to amateur-diagnose a person. Plus there's always 3 sides to a story.

Absolutely

I agree as well. Some people are just damaged by their upbringing or by experiences, but they're no Narcissists.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Theres a spectrum of narcissism as a characteristic its true.

Theres also NPD which is a diagnosable disorder.

True,diagnosable by someone suitably qualified.

This! By no means I want to play down what some have experienced but it doesn't qualify anyone to amateur-diagnose a person. Plus there's always 3 sides to a story.

Absolutely

I agree as well. Some people are just damaged by their upbringing or by experiences, but they're no Narcissists."

Plus sometimes people are incompatible to the point of mutual destruction, where the same behavior might not be triggered by a different partner/relationship dynamic

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Theres a spectrum of narcissism as a characteristic its true.

Theres also NPD which is a diagnosable disorder.

True,diagnosable by someone suitably qualified.

This! By no means I want to play down what some have experienced but it doesn't qualify anyone to amateur-diagnose a person. Plus there's always 3 sides to a story.

Absolutely

I agree as well. Some people are just damaged by their upbringing or by experiences, but they're no Narcissists.

Plus sometimes people are incompatible to the point of mutual destruction, where the same behavior might not be triggered by a different partner/relationship dynamic "

Indeed that can be sadly true for toxic pairings.

I will share that my end point was when the abuse was extended to and damaging for my children. Removing myself from his reach and going zero communication led to them seeking out another focus. It's complicated and just very sad.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Theres a spectrum of narcissism as a characteristic its true.

Theres also NPD which is a diagnosable disorder.

True,diagnosable by someone suitably qualified.

This! By no means I want to play down what some have experienced but it doesn't qualify anyone to amateur-diagnose a person. Plus there's always 3 sides to a story.

Absolutely

I agree as well. Some people are just damaged by their upbringing or by experiences, but they're no Narcissists.

Plus sometimes people are incompatible to the point of mutual destruction, where the same behavior might not be triggered by a different partner/relationship dynamic

Indeed that can be sadly true for toxic pairings.

Sometimes the best thing is to get out

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By *un for fun.Man
over a year ago

Co.Cork

Was with one for a few years, glad to get out of the situation, sex wasn't readily available either, you can get caught in a rut but glad I got out.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes!

Just for a few months. Still haven't recovered my confidence and it was over a year ago.

Mental times.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Wow, some absolutely great replies , l agree that some maybe in a wrong relationship and only see it for what it is as it unfolds but some of these replies are there for a reason and being with a narcissist is something no one should have to put up with but they also appear in the work place too .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

they can be amazing lovers at the start

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"they can be amazing lovers at the start"

Yep. Its a great way to enthrall

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By *ealitybitesMan
over a year ago

Belfast

I used to know someone who accused their ex of being a narcissist.

She followed every group on social media dealing with narcissism, stalked his FB page and commented on everything he did.

She brought his name up in every random conversation and blamed him for everything that had happened in her life including what had taken place in the 3 years since they parted.

Anyone who questioned her was told they didn't know what they were talking about and as she had studied narcissism through these online groups she could speak with authority.

Meanwhile he remained completely silent and didn't respond to anything she posted online or any conversation she had with his friends.

More often than not people with this level of obsession fail to see the irony in what they are accusing others of.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"they can be amazing lovers at the start

Yep. Its a great way to enthrall "

and reel in an empath

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There are plenty examples out there. In my current work place, there is one classic text book DSM-V example.

When you add it to the aspiring sidekicks either side, you have to wonder do aspiring narcs gravitate towards each other.

On a personal level, I dated one a long long time ago. On the surface executing was honky dory. Caring, warm, empathic. Behind closed doors a total self absorbed bitch. My friends privately hated her and when she was about, there was no chat/fun. Every so often, you would get the

"you just don't deserve me" shite along with the constant mind games. Let's be honest, when your just a kid, you don't realise these things because life hasn't thought you the lessons. She would cheat and it it was my fault, like an idiot, I put up with it. Eventually after one of her wah moments I decided fuck this she can stay where she is. Every day I'm thankful for the fella that shacked up with her. Took the biggest burden out of my life. Fast forward less than 12 months from that and I decide to get myself into even worse bother. Although this time, the trouble of it all was well compensated.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"They've no soul. Empathy switch firmly turned off. Never wrong. Cross one and they'll do everything to destroy you. "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's actually morbidly fascinating to see it in action. It truly beggars belief at times.

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