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Opinions - Lonely Single Men

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Has anyone see the above article basically noting that there is a rise in lonely single men and 62% of people on dating apps are men due to relationship standards rising. Is this a fair assessment or something with no basis?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What is meant by relationship standards rising?

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"What is meant by relationship standards rising?"

According to the article - women have risen their standards on who’ll they’ll date and men are finding it difficult reach the expectations

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By *affa31Woman
over a year ago

Galway

I think people in general are less likely to settle for bad/unfulfilling relationships. It’s far more “acceptable” these days to be single.

On top of that, people live busier lives, leaving less time for building relationships, to the detriment of those who want to be in one.

Imo the apps have made dating disposable as so many think that something better is just a swipe away.

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By *ineapple_PrincessWoman
over a year ago

in the waves


"I think people in general are less likely to settle for bad/unfulfilling relationships. It’s far more “acceptable” these days to be single.

On top of that, people live busier lives, leaving less time for building relationships, to the detriment of those who want to be in one.

Imo the apps have made dating disposable as so many think that something better is just a swipe away. "

Completely agree with this. Was discussing the same with a single friend over lunch.

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By *reentrevorMan
over a year ago

wexford


"What is meant by relationship standards rising?

According to the article - women have risen their standards on who’ll they’ll date and men are finding it difficult reach the expectations "

Depends what you mean by standards, one person's high standards could be lower standards for another. Is it financial, physical, ethical, emotional etc.

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By *reentrevorMan
over a year ago

wexford

Totally agree.

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By *ineapple_PrincessWoman
over a year ago

in the waves

Here's the article

https://www.psychologytoday.com/ie/blog/the-state-our-unions/202208/the-rise-lonely-single-men

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"What is meant by relationship standards rising?

According to the article - women have risen their standards on who’ll they’ll date and men are finding it difficult reach the expectations

Depends what you mean by standards, one person's high standards could be lower standards for another. Is it financial, physical, ethical, emotional etc.

"

It’s not really my opinion on the standards it’s an article currently trending on social media. Seems to primarily point to being equal partners and emotional intelligence

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Here's the article

https://www.psychologytoday.com/ie/blog/the-state-our-unions/202208/the-rise-lonely-single-men

"

Thanks

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By *antra MassageMan
over a year ago

city

Is this in Europe or USA? I suppose it depends on the dating culture where you live. There is so much choice its easy to have as many dates as you want. My experience is that there are many older(+35) women who are lonely and long for a relationship with one steady guy, whereas the older guys are happy without the commitment of a relationship, and aren't lonely.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Has anyone see the above article basically noting that there is a rise in lonely single men and 62% of people on dating apps are men due to relationship standards rising. Is this a fair assessment or something with no basis?"

Is it maybe that there's an increase in people who don't need a relationship to fulfil them?

People aren't expected (as much) to go the traditional marriage/kids route. A lot of people want other things in life now. A relationship should enhance you, not just be the be all and end all in itself.

But that's just my 2c

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Completely understand any individual having strong expectations of a potential partner. I'm divorced just over a year now and at some stage we failed to meet each others expectations or standards, whatever you want to call it. I don't think either of us could have predicted it in the beginning, life for us changed over the years. I think my expectations are higher as a result in that I'm more considerate in who I'm interested in/ would potentially date.

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By *reentrevorMan
over a year ago

wexford

Here is a quote from the artical. "I hear recurring dating themes from women between the ages of 25 and 45: They prefer men who are emotionally available, good communicators, and share similar values."

Lonely and single would seem more attractive to many men if they were being honest, but alas they must play the game.

That said, I myself am emotionally available for any lady that needs an ear to bend

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By *m_impact_playMan
over a year ago

Dublin


"I think people in general are less likely to settle for bad/unfulfilling relationships. It’s far more “acceptable” these days to be single.

On top of that, people live busier lives, leaving less time for building relationships, to the detriment of those who want to be in one.

Imo the apps have made dating disposable as so many think that something better is just a swipe away. "

Very good point J, you are absolutely right....I am experiencing it myself, although I make it more difficult for myself, as I am looking for someone who would also have an interest in kink.

The lockdown, kind of made it into an online game (a lot of chat and no real interest to meet face to face) ... at least for the past two years.

A lot of people only started to meet in person about 6/7 months ago.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm single and like everyone I get lonely every now and again. But you can feel lonely in a crowded room.

I find since getting out of a toxic relationship a long time ago that my standards have risen too and I've only been with one person since who has met those standards.

So I think some men's standards have risen too.

But I do agree with the point made about 'something better is just a swipe away'.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Thanks for sharing op. it's a really interesting article. I'd agree with all of the posters above too. You all seem very honest and emotionally available in your posts.

I'm not shocked at all that 62 percent of people using online dating sites are men tbh. women aged 40 to 60 seem to be happier being single. possibly to do with 95 percent of women being primary carer of children after divorce or separation. possibly to do with making bigger efforts with making and maintaining friendships , interests, hobbies. Men is this age bracket may have relied on sport as the big vacume filler pre retirement in this age bracket. I find on dating sites like bumble and pof there are a lot of girls aged 35 to 40 with 'wants kids' on their profiles and may have been let down by their long term male just before time to have kids has shortened.

this site in contrast to 'dating sites' has probably 90 percent men, and they are far more active than women or couples. log on tonight at 4am and you will see 12 women online and 300 plus men.

I have to agree with the auuthor of the article when he says that this loneliness figure in males will only rise as women trade poor communication, eq skills, relationships and in the majority getting cheated on for more fulfilling relationships with friends and family in the coming years.

The beauty of this site though is that you get to meet omen that you can act out fantasies that you dare not even discuss with someone in the more conventional dating sites.

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By *3nsesMan
over a year ago

Dublin


"

The beauty of this site though is that you get to meet omen that you can act out fantasies that you dare not even discuss with someone in the more conventional dating."

I'd be very surprised if women on this site wouldn't share their fantasies with someone they meet from more conventional dating sites. Jayvsuggests they are somewhat ashamed of their fantasies which Clcertainly not the case with the ones I've meet anyway.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Relationships have become disposable as have people. Men suffer more because men do not or cannot give each other the same emotional support as women do when a relationship ends. Women rally around and talk it out. Men don't talk about how they feel and only want to talk about football or cars rather than anything soft and fluffy if one of their mates is suffering a relationship end. Women complain that there are no nice guys left and they are all bastards or narcissists. But when a nice guy shows up they are bored and suspicious and the idea is the guy is too nice. Men are idiots because we are visual creatures who typically go for physical attraction and youth. Women assume every man just wants to shag them and piss off. Lack of communication leads to misunderstanding. I think also many people can be very lonely even in a relationship and this applies to both sexes.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Women have always been picky in which men they fuck/date/marry, in many ways they have to act like gatekeepers, they chose who gets to come in and who doesn't, most men will play along with their games just to fuck/date/marry but a sizeable cohort will just give up, some men don't take rejection well its bad for the self esteem to be constantly knocked down so giving up sounds like a great idea, some are lonely as a result, some get used to it after all loneliness is purely a subjective feeling, the main thing is look after oneself

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Relationships have become disposable as have people. Men suffer more because men do not or cannot give each other the same emotional support as women do when a relationship ends. Women rally around and talk it out. Men don't talk about how they feel and only want to talk about football or cars rather than anything soft and fluffy if one of their mates is suffering a relationship end. Women complain that there are no nice guys left and they are all bastards or narcissists. But when a nice guy shows up they are bored and suspicious and the idea is the guy is too nice. Men are idiots because we are visual creatures who typically go for physical attraction and youth. Women assume every man just wants to shag them and piss off. Lack of communication leads to misunderstanding. I think also many people can be very lonely even in a relationship and this applies to both sexes.

"

well said!

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By *ettaManMan
over a year ago

Based in Kerry, work in Cork.

If we assume that the population of "daters" is evenly split 50/50 then for every "lonely single male" there would have to be a corresponding "lonely single female". If there is an imbalance in that split, say more men than women, then the prevalence of "lonely single men" would be a result of that imbalance in the population, since, if every man were to address their "skill deficit", there would remain the same number of "lonely single men".

If there are fewer women than men, then it would be a "woman's market" and men would have to try to make themselves a more attractive prospect. This would raise the standard of partner available to women, but would do nothing to address the percentage of "lonely single men". The inverse is also true.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"If we assume that the population of "daters" is evenly split 50/50 then for every "lonely single male" there would have to be a corresponding "lonely single female". If there is an imbalance in that split, say more men than women, then the prevalence of "lonely single men" would be a result of that imbalance in the population, since, if every man were to address their "skill deficit", there would remain the same number of "lonely single men".

If there are fewer women than men, then it would be a "woman's market" and men would have to try to make themselves a more attractive prospect. This would raise the standard of partner available to women, but would do nothing to address the percentage of "lonely single men". The inverse is also true."

agreed somewhat... I think the point of the article is that the extra 12 percent of males that are online are lonely while that amount of women are happily single and not online

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By *ettaManMan
over a year ago

Based in Kerry, work in Cork.


"

agreed somewhat... I think the point of the article is that the extra 12 percent of males that are online are lonely while that amount of women are happily single and not online"

I think the point of the article is to advocate for single men to bridge the "skills gap" by working on their mental health, which is very worthy of advocacy (working on mental health).

But, reading the paper on loneliness, it seems like the article is conflating the feelings of loneliness reported by men [in individualistic cultures] with being single and that the cure of being lonely is to bridge the "skills gap" and find a girlfriend. I don't think that conclusion can be drawn from the data in the study on loneliness.

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By *umpkinnMan
over a year ago

Dublin

I can't speak for everyone but not every single man is "lonely". You can have a nice bachelor routine that makes you happy. A stable base you carve out for yourself.

A relationship can be an upgrade but any change is a risk. A risk that shouldn't be taken based on the false promises that online dating is perfect for.

This "need to be more emotionally available and a better communicator" excuse goes both ways.

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