Join us FREE, we're FREE to use
Web's largest swingers site since 2006.
Already registered?
Login here
Join us FREE, we're FREE to use
Web's largest swingers site since 2006.
Already registered?
Login here
 | Back to forum list |
| Back to Ireland |
| Jump to newest |  |
It seems to be becoming increasingly popular recently however still a bit taboo. | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Imo how can it work? One of the party is gonna get hurt,no matter how much you discuss things be open it can't be healthy in a relationship sharing someone in a loving relationship. " You couldn't be more wrong! I love my partners and we are not exclusive. All a true loving relationship needs is honest! | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Imo how can it work? One of the party is gonna get hurt,no matter how much you discuss things be open it can't be healthy in a relationship sharing someone in a loving relationship. You couldn't be more wrong! I love my partners and we are not exclusive. All a true loving relationship needs is honest!" Do either of these other guys have other long term relationships or marriages? | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
" Do either of these other guys have other long term relationships or marriages?" Yes one of my partners has a 18yo relationship. His partner had another boyfriend until recently. | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Read an interesting article about Polygamy today. Guy has 4 wives and 31 children…… talk about forgetting a birthday, or a first day at school, or any of the other myriad of things that will arise…. Took all the fun out of the idea" Polygamy is a completely different matter as it's not made to free up women sexually It's just more of old patriarchal society | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Wouldn’t it be draining to have multiple relationships? sometimes only one is enough to have you wrecked…… I’m genuinely curious about this scenario. Having a reliable lover and friend who can commit to a certain point, mainly in terms of consistency and respect. Have clear ‘rules’ and boundaries and obviously amazing sex. Sounds like heaven…" It's surely needed some good time management! | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
" Do either of these other guys have other long term relationships or marriages? Yes one of my partners has a 18yo relationship. His partner had another boyfriend until recently." Sounds like an sti breeding ground | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Sounds like an sti breeding ground" Well if you are not a big fan of condoms, do not get tested regularly nor talk openly with your sexual partners about their own STI tests, then you have a problem! Now tell me how many sexual partners you had the last six months! It seems you haven't heard of safe sex! | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
" Do either of these other guys have other long term relationships or marriages? Yes one of my partners has a 18yo relationship. His partner had another boyfriend until recently." That sounds very serious for him. It's a big risk for his partner allowing you to be in a love relationship with him when he has such a long term relationship already well established. Do you worry about what happens if she gets jealous? What if she does and makes him choose between you or her? What if she worries that you two have a better relationship than her and him? Your relationship with him could be at risk? It's so difficult when your relationship is in the hands of a 3rd party, who already has a very deep relationship and so much to lose. That's my experience anyway. Its fraught with risky possibilities. | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
" Do either of these other guys have other long term relationships or marriages? Yes one of my partners has a 18yo relationship. His partner had another boyfriend until recently. Sounds like an sti breeding ground" No more so than others having sex with multiple partners. | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
" Do either of these other guys have other long term relationships or marriages? Yes one of my partners has a 18yo relationship. His partner had another boyfriend until recently. That sounds very serious for him. It's a big risk for his partner allowing you to be in a love relationship with him when he has such a long term relationship already well established. Do you worry about what happens if she gets jealous? What if she does and makes him choose between you or her? What if she worries that you two have a better relationship than her and him? Your relationship with him could be at risk? It's so difficult when your relationship is in the hands of a 3rd party, who already has a very deep relationship and so much to lose. That's my experience anyway. Its fraught with risky possibilities." Well, if you are not confident of your own qualities there's room for those questions. If you don't know the other partner, if you are not open with your own partner about what you want for your own relationship and how the whole dynamic can work, yeah, it can be a problem. I am gentle with her, we exchange presents on Christmas and birthdays and we both love him and care for him. I know the place our relationship has on my own life and on his life. And also on theirs. We are happy and it works. There's no manual to make it work. There's willingness, respect and a good understanding of our own flaws. | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"It's not really a question of self confidence... the fact that you're comfortable in that situation in the first place means you have a good level of confidence. It's more the realism that a long running and well established loving relationship is already there. In a "normal" relationship where there are 2 people then you can rely and trust on each other. That's hard for a lot of people. Giving the 1 other person so much of yourself and allowing yourself to be hurt if it went wrong. In a Poly relationship where there are potentially quite a few peoole involved, and the risk of someone fucking it up and getting hurt is way higher. It's all love and communication and trust and confidence until it isn't and someone either retreats to the their real primary relationship, or leaves that relationship for the new one. Add in the fact that there is normally a primary relationship which will trump the other(s). That means someone is always second fiddle, and who wants THAT in their life-partner. No thanks. Just remembering it all is giving me a headache." Apologies if I am misunderstanding but if I was with someone and I knew they were in another relationship, and that other relationship was their primary, then I wouldn’t be calling them my life partner when it’s clear I am playing second fiddle (and fully accepting of that role of second fiddle). It’s probably a case of easier in theory than practice, but primary relationship should always be the one that triumphs, unless both are in full agreement to break up essentially. | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"It wouldn't work for me personally, if I love someone as a partner, then they are my priority above all other people (excluding my kids and myself), I cannot see how I could be intimately involved with two or more people and not have to put one ahead of the others - unless of course I were just pleasing myself in all situations " I get ethical non-manogamy and open relationships, these could be interesting and fun. But Polyamory just seems like way too much work! 
It is almost inevitable that one person will get put ahead of another at some stage! | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
" "Apologies if I am misunderstanding but if I was with someone and I knew they were in another relationship, and that other relationship was their primary, then I wouldn’t be calling them my life partner when it’s clear I am playing second fiddle (and fully accepting of that role of second fiddle). It’s probably a case of easier in theory than practice, but primary relationship should always be the one that trumps" This would be my understanding too. " And mine | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
 | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Imo how can it work? One of the party is gonna get hurt,no matter how much you discuss things be open it can't be healthy in a relationship sharing someone in a loving relationship. You couldn't be more wrong! I love my partners and we are not exclusive. All a true loving relationship needs is honest!" I'd love to chat with you regarding this. My profile has some details if you'd like to check it out. | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"It all depends on what your emotional and sexual needs are. Monogamy might meet those needs for some, but not necessarily all. It also depends on what your understanding of love is and what our capacity is for loving more than one person. Personally, I don't believe that the Universe has ordained a single individual "soulmate" for everyone and so we are not destined to be with "the One". If there isn't only "the One" out there for us, then it means there are a multitude of people with whom we can potentially find love. Polyamory is about being open to exploring that connection with whomever it arises, and in whatever form. It can be anything from forming a triad or a polycule to a one night stand. We have probably been conditioned, both biologically and socially, to favour monogamy; perhaps because it offered the greatest chance of survival of the offspring. While financial and emotional support are still essential to the well-being of children, their literal survival does not depend on it the way it used to. It's easy to play the "what if" game with polyamory, while assuming that monogamy is the natural default, but the issues that arise in ENM relationships are many of the same ones that can arise in monogamous relationships. Jealousy, infidelity, dishonesty, etc. All relationships require trust and communication and will eventually break down if those elements are missing - the same is true for poly relationships. There tends to be an underlying assumption when playing the "what if" game with polyamory. That assumption is that all monogamous relationships are a roaring success. They're not. What if one partner is unfaithful and leaves the other after X number of years and X number of kids? What if one partner is abusive and controlling? What if... Relationships take work whether they are monogamous or poly. Poly relationships can force us to confront uncomfortable emotions and insecurities more often because you know for certain your partner is seeing someone else. Is there a possibility they might end up becoming closer with that person, sure, but the same is true in a monogamous relationship. By facing up to and dealing with these insecurities we can actually overcome them and be content within ourselves, without the need for our partners validation. That, of course, is the ideal and it can take a lot of personal growth work to achieve it. As above, it all depends on your own emotional and sexual needs." Very well said  | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"It all depends on what your emotional and sexual needs are. Monogamy might meet those needs for some, but not necessarily all. It also depends on what your understanding of love is and what our capacity is for loving more than one person. Personally, I don't believe that the Universe has ordained a single individual "soulmate" for everyone and so we are not destined to be with "the One". If there isn't only "the One" out there for us, then it means there are a multitude of people with whom we can potentially find love. Polyamory is about being open to exploring that connection with whomever it arises, and in whatever form. It can be anything from forming a triad or a polycule to a one night stand. We have probably been conditioned, both biologically and socially, to favour monogamy; perhaps because it offered the greatest chance of survival of the offspring. While financial and emotional support are still essential to the well-being of children, their literal survival does not depend on it the way it used to. It's easy to play the "what if" game with polyamory, while assuming that monogamy is the natural default, but the issues that arise in ENM relationships are many of the same ones that can arise in monogamous relationships. Jealousy, infidelity, dishonesty, etc. All relationships require trust and communication and will eventually break down if those elements are missing - the same is true for poly relationships. There tends to be an underlying assumption when playing the "what if" game with polyamory. That assumption is that all monogamous relationships are a roaring success. They're not. What if one partner is unfaithful and leaves the other after X number of years and X number of kids? What if one partner is abusive and controlling? What if... Relationships take work whether they are monogamous or poly. Poly relationships can force us to confront uncomfortable emotions and insecurities more often because you know for certain your partner is seeing someone else. Is there a possibility they might end up becoming closer with that person, sure, but the same is true in a monogamous relationship. By facing up to and dealing with these insecurities we can actually overcome them and be content within ourselves, without the need for our partners validation. That, of course, is the ideal and it can take a lot of personal growth work to achieve it. As above, it all depends on your own emotional and sexual needs. Very well said "What works go and explore everything and enjoy yourself, None judge mental | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"It all depends on what your emotional and sexual needs are. Monogamy might meet those needs for some, but not necessarily all. It also depends on what your understanding of love is and what our capacity is for loving more than one person. Personally, I don't believe that the Universe has ordained a single individual "soulmate" for everyone and so we are not destined to be with "the One". If there isn't only "the One" out there for us, then it means there are a multitude of people with whom we can potentially find love. Polyamory is about being open to exploring that connection with whomever it arises, and in whatever form. It can be anything from forming a triad or a polycule to a one night stand. We have probably been conditioned, both biologically and socially, to favour monogamy; perhaps because it offered the greatest chance of survival of the offspring. While financial and emotional support are still essential to the well-being of children, their literal survival does not depend on it the way it used to. It's easy to play the "what if" game with polyamory, while assuming that monogamy is the natural default, but the issues that arise in ENM relationships are many of the same ones that can arise in monogamous relationships. Jealousy, infidelity, dishonesty, etc. All relationships require trust and communication and will eventually break down if those elements are missing - the same is true for poly relationships. There tends to be an underlying assumption when playing the "what if" game with polyamory. That assumption is that all monogamous relationships are a roaring success. They're not. What if one partner is unfaithful and leaves the other after X number of years and X number of kids? What if one partner is abusive and controlling? What if... Relationships take work whether they are monogamous or poly. Poly relationships can force us to confront uncomfortable emotions and insecurities more often because you know for certain your partner is seeing someone else. Is there a possibility they might end up becoming closer with that person, sure, but the same is true in a monogamous relationship. By facing up to and dealing with these insecurities we can actually overcome them and be content within ourselves, without the need for our partners validation. That, of course, is the ideal and it can take a lot of personal growth work to achieve it. As above, it all depends on your own emotional and sexual needs." | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Humans have also been "socially conditioned" not to cannibalise as our primate cousins do!!! " Only chimpanzees do this. Bonobos who we were more genetically alike, tend to be very peaceful, live in groups and have matriarchal structures. | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Humans have also been "socially conditioned" not to cannibalise as our primate cousins do!!! Only chimpanzees do this. Bonobos who we were more genetically alike, tend to be very peaceful, live in groups and have matriarchal structures." I've read that we share almost the same amount of DNA with both species, what you describe certainly doesn't sound much like human behaviour. One could argue that the success of the human race is largely down to the stability offered by the nuclear family arrangement. But the joy of modern life is that we can now pick and choose the arrangement we feel most suited to our own temperament and beneficial to our offspring. | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Humans have also been "socially conditioned" not to cannibalise as our primate cousins do!!! " Unfortunately the history of the human race shows that we are capable of acts of "inhumanity" far worse than anything seen in our primate cousins | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Humans have also been "socially conditioned" not to cannibalise as our primate cousins do!!! Unfortunately the history of the human race shows that we are capable of acts of "inhumanity" far worse than anything seen in our primate cousins" I totally agree, which might lead one to conclude we have far more in common with these apes than the peaceful ones | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"I'm currently seeing someone who is in a long term relationship with someone that she lives with. Her primary partner is asexual and so her and I spend time together, sometimes just to hang out, sometimes to go on dates and sometimes for much more. It allows me to live my life week to week getting work done, looking after my daughter and house and then getting to see someone but without the stresses and expectations that come with a full on relationship. So far it is working well for all involved." And does her long-term partner know about you? Just curious... | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"I'm currently seeing someone who is in a long term relationship with someone that she lives with. Her primary partner is asexual and so her and I spend time together, sometimes just to hang out, sometimes to go on dates and sometimes for much more. It allows me to live my life week to week getting work done, looking after my daughter and house and then getting to see someone but without the stresses and expectations that come with a full on relationship. So far it is working well for all involved. And does her long-term partner know about you? Just curious..." Yes, her long term partner has known from the very start. Her and I first met on another site that she was on with his blessing. I'm well aware that he is her primary partner and therefore he comes first etc and I've told her from the offset that I know the score and I never in any way want to come between them or disrespect what they have etc. I know there are lines and boundaries and I am quite ok with that. As I said, it seems to work for all concerned, so far. | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"I'm currently seeing someone who is in a long term relationship with someone that she lives with. Her primary partner is asexual and so her and I spend time together, sometimes just to hang out, sometimes to go on dates and sometimes for much more. It allows me to live my life week to week getting work done, looking after my daughter and house and then getting to see someone but without the stresses and expectations that come with a full on relationship. So far it is working well for all involved. And does her long-term partner know about you? Just curious... Yes, her long term partner has known from the very start. Her and I first met on another site that she was on with his blessing. I'm well aware that he is her primary partner and therefore he comes first etc and I've told her from the offset that I know the score and I never in any way want to come between them or disrespect what they have etc. I know there are lines and boundaries and I am quite ok with that. As I said, it seems to work for all concerned, so far." Do you find it difficult being in love with someone who's priority is elsewhere? Do you feel it hard to limit that love so that you don't overstep boundaries? Are these things that your partner can do with their primary that they can't do with you? | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Interesting that the rumours about Prince William suggest that he is in an open relationship. Could be that it opens up more conversations on the topic." The heir to the throne having a bit or two on the side isn't a novel concept | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
Live an let live in my opinion
I’ve always felt that monogamous is more jealousy and control wrapped up as love ?
“I think that car is beautiful.. I agree ”
“I think that lady/ gentleman is beautiful.. what !!?!” If you love me you may only find objects beautiful” | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| Post new Message to Thread |
| back to top |  |
