FabSwingers.com forum: Narcissistic Personality Disorder

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Last year i had an experience with a girl who had this disorder. She was beautiful and what i thought, the sweetest girl I'd ever met. Little did i know she lied, used and manipulated me all because she has a need for admirationand control. After a couple of months i had a negative reaction to her behavior and called her out for it she called me "melty" and left. In an instant she went from the sweetest little girl to an absolute demon constantly trying to get a reaction out of me to make her feel good about herself and make feel powerful. The scariest part is that she created a trauma bond very very quickly meaning even though i knew she was a horible person i dtill wanted to see her and make things work.

Has anybody ever had an experience with these insidious creatures?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've experienced it with a friend, everyone loves her but when another friend of mine joined us for a night out, she pointed out a few behaviours and it took a few weeks but when I confronted her over her behaviour it was all in my head etc.

You had a lucky escape a lot of people end up in a narcissistic relationship and don't get out

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

From my personal experience and belief a person is either good or evil.

Anything that seems to good to be true always

is. It takes time to get to know a person (6 months) before considering exclusivity.

These people will wear a mask won’t be long wearing off though.

Usually around the 3 month mark you will see a shift in their behaviour. The disrespect lies and the games come into play.

Those tiny hints and little red flags we choose to ignore in the very beginning is what actually costs us in the end,

So keep your eyes opened and be wise.

Take it as a lesson plus if people can stoop that low to make another person question themselves. Just be grateful you are not them. Karma always catches up with everyone.

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By *ustBoWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in Co. Down

Yes I have known people like this in the past and it's the reason they are no longer in my life. I'm sure most people will have come across personalities like this at some point in their lives. Either through work,friendships or relationships.

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By *etmebeurfantasyWoman
over a year ago

My town

I had a ex like this, to the outside world was lovely shy and almost too good to be true.

Our relationship turned into a what was perfect, to controlling, to ware this it looks better do that as it be better, to making me doubt my move, but always had in my brain " he's lovely he's caring "..... controlling got worse and the names I got called, that and he's drug habit making him paranoid over everything. When I eventually started to tell people bout his drug taking he would swing it round, saying I was lying I was making it all up.... he knew people thought he was "the perfect man". The mask did fall off him and people started to see him for what he was not what he painted himself as.

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By *al2001Man
over a year ago

kildare

I have family with personality disorders

Nothing can be done to help these people.

Leave them.

You are lucky you got off light

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Yes the gaslighting is next level crazy

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"From my personal experience and belief a person is either good or evil.

Anything that seems to good to be true always

is. It takes time to get to know a person (6 months) before considering exclusivity.

These people will wear a mask won’t be long wearing off though.

Usually around the 3 month mark you will see a shift in their behaviour. The disrespect lies and the games come into play.

Those tiny hints and little red flags we choose to ignore in the very beginning is what actually costs us in the end,

So keep your eyes opened and be wise.

Take it as a lesson plus if people can stoop that low to make another person question themselves. Just be grateful you are not them. Karma always catches up with everyone. "

There were about 101 red flags but she was so sweet i just ignored them. I had a lucky escape thats for sure and a lesson learned. I now believe in demons

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By *ealitybitesMan
over a year ago

Belfast

I've met a few in my time who have been quick to point fingers at others and accuse them of being narcissists while displaying all the traits themselves.

I've known people to stalk others on social media because they claim they have been abusive and yet they are the ones commenting on everything the other person does and how it reflects on them and their long since ended relationship.

Every conversation is draining because no matter the subject they always bring it back to themselves and even things that have nothing to do with them are seen as indirect insults or abuse.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I still feel sick with anxiety when I see things like this that remind me of a person I was caught out by. By the time I realised something was really wrong it felt like chinese burns to my brain. The psychological damage is so hard to explain if you've never experienced it.

Red flags I should have noticed was the wariness others displayed around this person... and how much drama they had in their life.

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By *ofusplusCouple
over a year ago

Limerick

Yes many years ago with an ex-boyfriend. It was one of the best things to happen to me because I chose very wisely after that.

Try to see the positives in it, mainly the wisdom you have gained from the experience. Mrs

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Every conversation is draining because no matter the subject they always bring it back to themselves and even things that have nothing to do with them are seen as indirect insults or abuse.

yes, this is another red flag to watch for.

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By *ubal1Man
over a year ago

Newry Down

A formal diagnosis for NPD by a forensic psychiatrist is very rare; narcissism is on a continuum and in normal welladjusted people there has to be a degree of narcissism, and healthy self-regard in order to possess good self-esteem.

NPD is at the extreme end of the spectrum and is a personality disorder, a rigid form of behaviour that is highly disruptive to normal everyday human interactions.

NPD is very often seen with two other elements of the dark triad (three) that includes psychopathy and machiavellianism.

Other highly disruptive personality disorders include, for example:

Borderline Personality

Schizoid

Schizotypal

Paranoid Personality, etc.

Furthermore personality disorders can be comorbid, two or more can be found or diagnosed within in person.

Narcissists can appear to have grandiose or have inflated opinions of themselves, but internally they detest themselves because of the abuse they suffered as children.

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By *ubal1Man
over a year ago

Newry Down

If you want to learn about Narcissistic Personalities have look at the videos compiled by Sam Vaknin, Dr. Ramani or Claire Hunt on Google Video/YouTube.

Narcissism is a term that has come into common parlance in recent years, but diagnosis by amateurs is frequently inaccurate.

By far the worst form of personality disorder is the borderline type, mostly exhibited by women, and is almost untreatable; extreme lability; fear of abandonment; addictions.

It is estimated that 80% of people in prisons have borderline traits, and many have the fullblown disorder.

A partner with BPD or NPD can be tolerated but it requires infinite patience

Borderlines are also amazing sex partners!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I've met a few in my time who have been quick to point fingers at others and accuse them of being narcissists while displaying all the traits themselves.

Every conversation is draining because no matter the subject they always bring it back to themselves and even things that have nothing to do with them are seen as indirect insults or abuse. "

Very true. And the conversations have absolutely no substance. Its all superficial. The trauma bond made me obsessed with her and I'm not proud of it but i became a bit stalkerish. Lessons learned thats for sure

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"If you want to learn about Narcissistic Personalities have look at the videos compiled by Sam Vaknin, Dr. Ramani or Claire Hunt on Google Video/YouTube.

Narcissism is a term that has come into common parlance in recent years, but diagnosis by amateurs is frequently inaccurate.

By far the worst form of personality disorder is the borderline type, mostly exhibited by women, and is almost untreatable; extreme lability; fear of abandonment; addictions.

It is estimated that 80% of people in prisons have borderline traits, and many have the fullblown disorder.

A partner with BPD or NPD can be tolerated but it requires infinite patience

Borderlines are also amazing sex partners!"

I diagnosed her from Dr. Ramani on Youtube. It had all the traits. The anxiety after being discarded was intense to say the least. She knew she couldn't control me anymore then her mask slipped and she turned in to a different person

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By *ubal1Man
over a year ago

Newry Down

If you really want to become an expert on NPD have a look at the work done by Doctor Theodore Millon, now deceased, who identified multiple NPD sub-types.

His work should be available on a rarely used database: Google Scholar.

I know that he compiled a set of explanatory DVDs to explain his work, but when I tried to access this resource there was only one copy available in the UK, in Liverpool, and they required viewing in situ.

That may have changed in recent years; there are vignetted available on YouTube. I think his work is published by a company called Insight Media.

Millon's work on NPD is exceptionally highly regarded by both academics and forensic diagnostic practitioners in hospitals such as Broadmoor, Rampton, Ashworth, Carstairs in Lanarkshire, and probably at the Central Mental Hospital in Dundrum.

Narcissism is not a one size fits all personality disorder; it is highly complex, particularly in its aetiology (origins).

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By *ealitybitesMan
over a year ago

Belfast

"Every conversation is draining because no matter the subject they always bring it back to themselves and even things that have nothing to do with them are seen as indirect insults or abuse.

yes, this is another red flag to watch for."

I've seen people accept compliments that were given to other people and the acceptee wasn't involved in the conversation up to that point.

On the flip side I've seen people display the Van Morrison variant and shout dangerous at the most unlikely targets simply because they assumed wrongly that a particular criticism was aimed at them.

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By *ubal1Man
over a year ago

Newry Down

Should you wish to familiarise yourselves with a real-life example of professionally diagnosed Narcissistic Personality Disorder in its most extreme manifestation, have a look at Brian Blackwell from Liverpool, who murdered both of his parents and then went on vacation to America with his girlfriend, who thought he had a sponsorship deal with Nike.

He was a grandiose variant of this disorder who was abused by his parents by extreme overindulgement.

This horrific case is available on Wikipedia.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The main reason why I prefer the single life, unfortunately in my experience there are very few decent people in this world, they have their own agenda and will hurt others to get what they want, does altruism even exist?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Should you wish to familiarise yourselves with a real-life example of professionally diagnosed Narcissistic Personality Disorder in its most extreme manifestation, have a look at Brian Blackwell from Liverpool, who murdered both of his parents and then went on vacation to America with his girlfriend, who thought he had a sponsorship deal with Nike.

He was a grandiose variant of this disorder who was abused by his parents by extreme overindulgement.

This horrific case is available on Wikipedia."

I seen that case absolutely crazy stuff and he just let them to rot while he was living the high life ..

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By *ubal1Man
over a year ago

Newry Down

He was a grandiose variant of this disorder who was abused by his parents by extreme overindulgement.

This horrific case is available on Wikipedia.

I seen that case absolutely crazy stuff and he just let them to rot while he was living the high life .."

Blackwell is an extreme manifestation of grandiose NPD; but there can also be the vulnerable type; or the covert narcissist; or the communal narcissist examples of which are very common in Ireland in the GAA, charitable organisations and in churches, especially at the upper echelons!

These people have a massive sense of entitlement, to behave as they choose, to the detriment of others.

And worldwide NPD is becoming more prevalent, especially in America.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

6 years of hell with my x,it started off with small things did you wash your hands she grabbed my hands to feel,on and on it went, them we got pregnant child on the way,just down hill after that,what I were what I say even down to where she say I know what you're thinking, one night a 2 hour dressing down, another 45 minutes dressing down, so at home it had got I couldn't put a plate in to the dishwasher right, but at work I had got promoted twice to supervisor, we moved back to her home place as I thought things might change, no just got worse, the dressing downs every evening for not,the gaslighting but I stop answering her,just wen home for my kid, no sex no my choice just cud not bring my to touch her, so last new year's eve had friends over great time until she pulled me aside and a dressing down with people looking, when they left another 25 minutes dressing do,she put our child to bed I walked out the door, I walked 29km just to get away....5 months on she still thinks she has control over me...

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By *208numeWoman
over a year ago

Navan

These posts are testament to how they get into your head and the effects they can wreak. Brave posts everyone. Hopefully you can realize you had a lucky escape OP.

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By *j47Man
over a year ago

limerick

Holy shit lucky to never have come across this

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I was with a narcissist for four years, you had a lucky escape.

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By *ed just RedWoman
over a year ago

Dublin City

I’ve spent nearly 30+yrs trying to make a relationship with a friend work and it’s fallen apart so many times. I only recently twigged she is a complete narcissist and everything slotted into place. Rather than learning about it, I chose to forgive myself for not being able to be a better friend and just backing away every time she went a bit dolally.

I’m in awe of some of my friends here getting out the other side. Clearly we all need a pat on the back for getting out in one piece.

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By *ar0001Man
over a year ago

Bray, Wicklow

My ex-wife has some traits. It’s very very destructive. Impossible to deal with.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"These posts are testament to how they get into your head and the effects they can wreak. Brave posts everyone. Hopefully you can realize you had a lucky escape OP. "

I realise i had a very lucky escape. Its just scary how she got in my head over the space of a couple of months

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By *olves at bayCouple
over a year ago

cork

You're all talking about me...why?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I recognise a lot of what’s been said in here, she made me believe I was crazy!

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By *anther PurrrsWoman
over a year ago

the Shadows Purrring or Roaring

And in their eyes they do no wrong no matter what you say even when you have proof. Pure mind games and kills your soul.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Know it all too well unfortunately could write a book on it. I've got a Master's in Red Flags now after having to deal with it!

If you do have to deal with these types my best advice is to adopt the Grey Rock Method. Narcissistic types love drama that's what fuels them so become so dull and boring like a grey rock they soon get very bored and look elsewhere to get that drama they crave. So yes no very plain dull answers and don't engage no matter how much you want to. There's literally no point arguing with them as they are always right. I call them emotional parsites as they drain you physically and emotionally.

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By *anther PurrrsWoman
over a year ago

the Shadows Purrring or Roaring

"Know it all too well unfortunately could write a book on it. I've got a Master's in Red Flags now after having to deal with it!

Exactly this..!!

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By *ubal1Man
over a year ago

Newry Down

I specifically checked today on YouTube/Google video; there are several webinars on Doctor Theo Millon's work on NPD, and the subtypes he developed for consulting forensic psychiatrists, especially those in forensic units.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This thread is such an eye opener for me, as I'm living with a control freak and a jealous man, .. jealousy isn't a good trade ina person male or female.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"This thread is such an eye opener for me, as I'm living with a control freak and a jealous man, .. jealousy isn't a good trade ina person male or female. "
:-

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By *r lover lover 555Man
over a year ago

carlow

or 7 years who had this . It's really strange because she made me feel like I was the one had it . 10 years on I still ask myself at times have I those traits is it me that's wrong even when I know I'm very rational

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Fab keeps me scane, knowbody can judge anyone, we all have our reasons for been here, so please don't judge.. its a swing site not a dating site .. yes couples swing.. not all our other halves aren't into it ..

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By *B 4099Man
over a year ago

North West, Outer Letterkenny area

"I still feel sick with anxiety when I see things like this that remind me of a person I was caught out by. By the time I realised something was really wrong it felt like chinese burns to my brain. The psychological damage is so hard to explain if you've never experienced it.

Red flags I should have noticed was the wariness others displayed around this person... and how much drama they had in their life.

Sorry to hear this, and I understand the anxiety of it all. Hopefully it will pass.

For everyone else in the same position,be kind to yourselves. And if in the future a person arrives in your life, try not to carry it with you. If you look for Red Flags you will find them as sure as if you look for wood in a Forrest. Have boundaries and talk or any future relationship will be doomed and that person/s will keep a hold of you. And they will move on with their lives none the wiser you still are affected. And won't care.

It's the lies that melt you so badly. Makes you feel ill at the bitterness.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A lot of people diagnose their exes with NPD or similar, but they really aren't qualified to make such a diagnosis.

It seems a bit fashionable tbh -- I had one gf who kept going on about her narcissistic ex, but over time I saw exactly the same traits in her that she complained about.

There are other issues beyond personality disorder, including some types of neurodiversity and unhealthy attachment styles, that can also contribute to flawed emotional or cognitive empathy.

It's also a cop out, that by diagnosing your ex, you could be failing to admit your own part in the relationship failure.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"A lot of people diagnose their exes with NPD or similar, but they really aren't qualified to make such a diagnosis.

It seems a bit fashionable tbh -- I had one gf who kept going on about her narcissistic ex, but over time I saw exactly the same traits in her that she complained about.

There are other issues beyond personality disorder, including some types of neurodiversity and unhealthy attachment styles, that can also contribute to flawed emotional or cognitive empathy.

It's also a cop out, that by diagnosing your ex, you could be failing to admit your own part in the relationship failure."

Precisely. Someone can exhibit narcissistic traits; that doesn't mean they have NPD.

Many complex psychiatric disorders take years of specialist observation to be diagnosed. The majority of those with mental illnesses or disorders don't fall into these categories, yet these become hot topics every so often and every cunt and his uncle is suddenly a qualified psychology expert and able to diagnose situations that many experts are still in the dark about in so e regards.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"A lot of people diagnose their exes with NPD or similar, but they really aren't qualified to make such a diagnosis.

It seems a bit fashionable tbh -- I had one gf who kept going on about her narcissistic ex, but over time I saw exactly the same traits in her that she complained about.

There are other issues beyond personality disorder, including some types of neurodiversity and unhealthy attachment styles, that can also contribute to flawed emotional or cognitive empathy.

It's also a cop out, that by diagnosing your ex, you could be failing to admit your own part in the relationship failure."

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By *itemeagainMan
over a year ago

Wexford

"A lot of people diagnose their exes with NPD or similar, but they really aren't qualified to make such a diagnosis.

It seems a bit fashionable tbh -- I had one gf who kept going on about her narcissistic ex, but over time I saw exactly the same traits in her that she complained about.

There are other issues beyond personality disorder, including some types of neurodiversity and unhealthy attachment styles, that can also contribute to flawed emotional or cognitive empathy.

It's also a cop out, that by diagnosing your ex, you could be failing to admit your own part in the relationship failure."

I have been both sides of relationships and I can bet my partners think differently.

Relationships are multi layered. Growing and learning and in some cases unlearning is messy and rough at times .

Things can be really fuckrd up in relationships... putting up with it longer that we should is very common and happens because there is so much that has led to that point.

Labels are helpful for professionals [sometimes] not helpful to excuse life's difficulties and to blame others for problems we both create .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"6 years of hell with my x,it started off with small things did you wash your hands she grabbed my hands to feel,on and on it went, them we got pregnant child on the way,just down hill after that,what I were what I say even down to where she say I know what you're thinking, one night a 2 hour dressing down, another 45 minutes dressing down, so at home it had got I couldn't put a plate in to the dishwasher right, but at work I had got promoted twice to supervisor, we moved back to her home place as I thought things might change, no just got worse, the dressing downs every evening for not,the gaslighting but I stop answering her,just wen home for my kid, no sex no my choice just cud not bring my to touch her, so last new year's eve had friends over great time until she pulled me aside and a dressing down with people looking, when they left another 25 minutes dressing do,she put our child to bed I walked out the door, I walked 29km just to get away....5 months on she still thinks she has control over me..."
nearly 10 months now just starting to find the old me..nearly 3 stone weight lost,back training, and running, and love spending time with my son,hopefully he stays next weekend on his first sleepover..

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By *asual777Man
over a year ago

i travel all over

I think questions like what do you bring to the table? what is it like to be at the receiving end of your companionships/chat ? are vital . Others can be toxic/draining/narcissistic but it’s very easy externalising the source of the problem and not doing any of the work on ourselves which we need to do …

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By *ubal1Man
over a year ago

Newry Down

Narcissism is a topical term at present, but it is very useful to be familiar with this personality type that is increasing in European societies, the US being further along the continuum; a lot if Americans have an inflated opinion of themselves, but feel empty inside: The Empty Self, which Hitler suffered from as a result of his dysfunctional upbringing; an abusive father and adoring mother.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have family members who suffer as well . So much so both a son and a daughter work in the mental health sphere , years of observing the destructive behaviour of their family member and wanting to understand more and offer solutions led them to psychiatry and psychology work . Ireland has a huge shortage of suitably qualified specialists to deal with mental health if any of you find yourselves struggling reach out , services are there even if they are sparse .

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By *easingTimMan
over a year ago

Loughlinstown

"Last year i had an experience with a girl who had this disorder. She was beautiful and what i thought, the sweetest girl I'd ever met. Little did i know she lied, used and manipulated me all because she has a need for admirationand control. After a couple of months i had a negative reaction to her behavior and called her out for it she called me "melty" and left. In an instant she went from the sweetest little girl to an absolute demon constantly trying to get a reaction out of me to make her feel good about herself and make feel powerful. The scariest part is that she created a trauma bond very very quickly meaning even though i knew she was a horible person i dtill wanted to see her and make things work.

Has anybody ever had an experience with these insidious creatures? "

-------------

Glad you brought up Op and reading that, it sounds just like an ex

who craved admiration, had to be the centre of attention and would instil as much guilt on me as she could. Anyway she's thankfully gone and someone else's problem. In the immortal words of Mister T

"Pity da fool" but live and learn

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