FabSwingers.com forum: Older children living at home

By *og-Man OP Man
over a year ago

somewhere

Just wondering other parents positions on something that came up while talking to a friend earlier

I have all my children still living at home like a fair few parents now a days...no problems they all have their own space

We don't charge or never have charged rent so to speak even though they're on decent wages

We wanted to encourage them to save for their own house's ...thats fine

However my friend actually charges his kids if they ask for him to get them anything....so dad get me a six pack in the weekly shop...they have to pay

This morning while standing beside him he asked his son for a fiver for shaving foam and deodorant

Thats when he explained that his kids pay rent plus any extra's they require as they have to stand on their own two feet

I had a key in my hand that cost me 8 euro for my daughter ...when I told him he said he'd charge her the 8 euro ....

My kids do a shop and buy take outs for everyone once a month as a way of a contribution...I think he's mean....or it could mean I'm stupid...or possibly both

Any opinions

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My younger siblings are in their thirties and live with my retired parents. They pay my parents a certain amount each week to cover food electricity etc as both bills would be very high.

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By *ealitybitesMan
over a year ago

Belfast

None of mine are still at home but when they were they contributed something every week if they were working.

Not rent as such but a percentage of their wage.

They also bought their own cars with only a small donation from me and two of them now have their own homes.

All my nieces and nephews have done exactly the same and most people I know with kids of a certain age do likewise.

There was never an issue if they couldn't contribute every so often.

It's not mean, it's actually a good way of teaching them how to manage their money rather than thinking everything would be handed to them.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You know where I stand on this, once they working and making their own wage they pay their way.

My son pays housekeeping money which covers the rent, broadband, electricity.

If we do a big food shop we split in half, we take turns with takeaways. Same If we in shop we take turns to pay.

I had to pay my way at home and when I moved out I was a single mum and had to pay for everything, kids need to do how to manage their money and bills need to be paid.

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By *lassy lady 216Woman
over a year ago

Craigavon

Exactly how are kids supposed to learn to stand on there own too feet if they get everyrhing handed to them as soon as i hit 19 and left school and got my first job i had to start paying into the house even as kids we all had to do different chores around the house thats how i learnt to bake i just think kids are too spoilt now days i see it with my own nieces and nephews they just think the bank of mum and dad will help them

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Bog can you adopt me

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By *ilthyNightsCouple
over a year ago

East / North, Cork

I wouldn't be asking for a fiver for a small bit or two, but I would have some kind of arrangement where they contributed . I would ask for a standing order to be set up for a fair weekly contribution towards the bills from all working adults in the house. Nobody wants to have to ask for cash for a few little things. It should just happen automatically and easily so it never becomes an issue.

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By *ombikerMan
over a year ago

the right side of the river

As soon as I was earning I was handing up money at home. Summer jobs at school holidays included.

The country is full of adult children these days.

They could not fend for themselves in the big bad world.

When working overseas the number of lads that would land out that had no clue how to cook or clean up after themselves or how to use a washing machine or even go to the supermarket and not have a clue where to find stuff. Or even what they should be getting.

These people were in their 30s, and at least half of them had no driving license because the mammy brought them everywhere.

Now I forgot what I was actually going to say.

Oh well that’s my daily rant

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why would anyone move out and be independent if its only costing a take out once a month...

If everyone is happy we'll and good if you're out of pocket then that's another thing

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 05/05/22 14:23:09]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't think there is a fully right or wrong answer here as long as either approach isn't taken to extremes

Everyone will treat their kids slightly differently.

Unless he is charging them ridiculous rents etc....

Just like there is no issue letting your kids live rent free so long you can see they are using the saved funds wisely

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By *asual777Man
over a year ago

i travel all over

It partly , as well as your parenting strategy , depends on your financial situation

Asking for contributions maybe necessary

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By *o strings but a G-stringMan
over a year ago

city

We made a deal at home where I handed over to a set bank account (in my own name) rent money and contributions. It became my house deposit when the time came. Basically, the folks didnt mind as long as I wasnt being selfish and using all my wages to party while living off them

On occasion I then did what adult children shouod do if they can - took my folks out for dinner, gave them vouchers for hotels they like, bought new carpet etc etc

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By *rishmilfhunter2Man
over a year ago

Town

Can you adopt me please.. dad !

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I had to pay a percentage of my wages from when I first started working at 15 that then turned into an actual rent payment once I went 18. My dad is a prick though….

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By *ealitybitesMan
over a year ago

Belfast

If you get everything handed to you on a plate and aren't taught the value of money it has a knock on effect in later years.

I've seen lots of people jumping from one dysfunctional relationship to the next all because they couldn't grasp the principle of responsibility and paying their way.

Married men with kids who had never contributed to a household growing up arguing that because their wives were working they should pay the household bills and they would look after the other necessities such as nights out and playstation consoles.

Grown adults in their 20s and 30s ending multiple relationships and going back to their parents because their other halves weren't happy about them sitting at home waiting for the right job to come along and sponging off others.

You don't have to stick your arm in but it doesn't bode well for the future if they think every penny they earn is just to be spent on themselves.

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By *rmrs1234Couple
over a year ago

Waterford

I had to hand up money every week when i was working from my mid teens as well as buy my own food and pay towards esb and phone bill. As well as paying for all my own school books uniform etc. My mother pocketed any money i handed over. When the time comes for my own id would ask them to contribute but itll be going into an acc for each of them to help them hopefully buy a house when theyre older

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I got my first job at 14 with the grand sum of £1 an hour and I was thrilled to get it. I had to contribute to the household even back then and it taught me a very good life lesson. My ex grew up spoilt and it didn't help him in life. He still feels the world owes him something and he thinks our kids are my sole financial responsibility as he won't get off his ass to get a job. So I'm grateful my parents taught me the values of hard work.

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By *og-Man OP Man
over a year ago

somewhere

This had gone different directions to what I thought...thats fab for you

I'd prefer them to save money than give it to me to save it on their behalf .....I used to do that with their childrens allowance and The SSIA money

My friend charges his kids full whack....he spends it ....and they also pay for other stuff that he picks up for them....how the hell are your kids meant to save for a house like that....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Any time I was living at home I paid up to my parents. They didn't ask me to but I always thought it was the decent thing to do. Even when I wasn't working I handed uponey to them. If I wanted something to be picked up I gave them the money for it. Wasn't meanness or that. My parents made decent money any time I lived with them but I wouldn't have expected them to pay for anything for me as I was an adult and paid my own way. Same with my siblings. Different families, different ways of doing things.

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By *j47Man
over a year ago

limerick

I think it has to do with circumstance I as a young adult contributed a % of my wages to my parents to help out with the house hold bills and expenses. My adult kids dont pay any thing like that after getting them trough the education system loan free they are now in gainful employment and saving for their future. If things were different I would expect that they would contribute as if they were house sharing that would be 25% of all bills and expenses of the house hold

They are under no illusions as to the pressures that we went trough to get them this far or the pressures they face going forward in my day a 10% deposit for a new house was 4/5k todays deposits for something similar is 30/40k in a day of decreasing home ownership id prefer for them to get their deposits and secure a home they can eventually call their own rather than pay some cuckoo fund rent

Yes we are lucky to be in this position and they know it and we as parents know it

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By *j47Man
over a year ago

limerick

Yes we are lucky to be in this position and they know it and we as parents know it

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By *ealitybitesMan
over a year ago

Belfast

"This had gone different directions to what I thought...thats fab for you

I'd prefer them to save money than give it to me to save it on their behalf .....I used to do that with their childrens allowance and The SSIA money

My friend charges his kids full whack....he spends it ....and they also pay for other stuff that he picks up for them....how the hell are your kids meant to save for a house like that...."

I can't speak for your friend but not every household has options. I had no choice but to spend every penny my kids paid in just as my parents had to spend everything I contributed.

I don't know anyone in my family who earns enough to stick it in a bank for a rainy day.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I know I was never in a position to save money, but everyone circumstances is different I've seen friends give and buy everything to their kids and they are off the rails now and wouldn't know a day's work , than you just have people who are tight with money.

If your kids know the value of money and that they have to work for what they want I wouldn't worry about anyone else kids.

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By *enguin1Man
over a year ago

The sticks

First job when I was 14yrs old I got 20quid a week.......my boss at the time told.me if I was earning and living under my parents roof i should be making a contribution, the boss rang my mother the next week to see if I handed over anything

Thought me the value of money and budgeting at an early age

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By *ealitybitesMan
over a year ago

Belfast

"This had gone different directions to what I thought...thats fab for you

I'd prefer them to save money than give it to me to save it on their behalf .....I used to do that with their childrens allowance and The SSIA money

My friend charges his kids full whack....he spends it ....and they also pay for other stuff that he picks up for them....how the hell are your kids meant to save for a house like that....

I can't speak for your friend but not every household has options. I had no choice but to spend every penny my kids paid in just as my parents had to spend everything I contributed.

I don't know anyone in my family who earns enough to stick it in a bank for a rainy day. "

There's also no point saving for a house that you haven't a clue how to manage once you have it

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By *upermanslovechildMan
over a year ago

Glasnevin

Anyone I know is throwing up digs money, certain percentage of the wages that goes towards the bills of the house. No fee is requested by the parents for any trips to the shop though

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By *asual777Man
over a year ago

i travel all over

"This had gone different directions to what I thought...thats fab for you

I'd prefer them to save money than give it to me to save it on their behalf .....I used to do that with their childrens allowance and The SSIA money

My friend charges his kids full whack....he spends it ....and they also pay for other stuff that he picks up for them....how the hell are your kids meant to save for a house like that...."

Why is them buying a house anything to do with him if they’re adults ?

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By *j47Man
over a year ago

limerick

"This had gone different directions to what I thought...thats fab for you

I'd prefer them to save money than give it to me to save it on their behalf .....I used to do that with their childrens allowance and The SSIA money

My friend charges his kids full whack....he spends it ....and they also pay for other stuff that he picks up for them....how the hell are your kids meant to save for a house like that....

I can't speak for your friend but not every household has options. I had no choice but to spend every penny my kids paid in just as my parents had to spend everything I contributed.

I don't know anyone in my family who earns enough to stick it in a bank for a rainy day.

There's also no point saving for a house that you haven't a clue how to manage once you have it"

Ud be amazed how people learn the value of money my kids worked from a young age and learnt how far a euro goes fast

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By *og-Man OP Man
over a year ago

somewhere

"This had gone different directions to what I thought...thats fab for you

I'd prefer them to save money than give it to me to save it on their behalf .....I used to do that with their childrens allowance and The SSIA money

My friend charges his kids full whack....he spends it ....and they also pay for other stuff that he picks up for them....how the hell are your kids meant to save for a house like that....

Why is them buying a house anything to do with him if they’re adults ? "

Because thats what you hope your kids can do as adults...move out and buy a house ....

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By *ighRoadMan
over a year ago

Cork

It's only fair to contribute in some way. I stayed with my folks for some of the lockdown and did my own weekly shop. Paid for the odd takeaway and replaced anything of theirs that I used.

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By *asual777Man
over a year ago

i travel all over

"This had gone different directions to what I thought...thats fab for you

I'd prefer them to save money than give it to me to save it on their behalf .....I used to do that with their childrens allowance and The SSIA money

My friend charges his kids full whack....he spends it ....and they also pay for other stuff that he picks up for them....how the hell are your kids meant to save for a house like that....

Why is them buying a house anything to do with him if they’re adults ?

Because thats what you hope your kids can do as adults...move out and buy a house ...."

Some/most not all

Many consider their financial responsibilities towards their kids done at 18

I didn’t get any help buying somewhere and in fact have paid my parents’ rent for the majority of my adult life

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By *oxic1998Woman
over a year ago

Belfast

I have from the day I started earning always paid my way. I'm not a big earner and ended up bringing up my son on my own. About 5 years ago I ended up taking on my exfather in law. We spilt the bills in half. Unfortunately he died last year. My son stepped up and offered to pay half the rent without me asking. He has offered more but I turned him down. He offers to pay for other bits and bobs around the house when needed. He knows it's not easy and has seen me with 3 jobs in the early days. I would have loved to be in a position where i didnt have to take money from him but unfortunately im not...

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By *ombikerMan
over a year ago

the right side of the river

"I got my first job at 14 with the grand sum of £1 an hour and I was thrilled to get it. I had to contribute to the household even back then and it taught me a very good life lesson. My ex grew up spoilt and it didn't help him in life. He still feels the world owes him something and he thinks our kids are my sole financial responsibility as he won't get off his ass to get a job. So I'm grateful my parents taught me the values of hard work. "

Ah I remember my first £1 an hour job ha ha. But I remember picking spuds and the wages were as many spuds as you could carry home at the end of the day.

Or footing turf. Your wages were you got the heat off the fire in the winter. Ah the good old days ha ha.

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By *og-Man OP Man
over a year ago

somewhere

My first job I got a quid for the full mornings work driving an electric milk float and delivering milk in clondalkin

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"My first job I got a quid for the full mornings work driving an electric milk float and delivering milk in clondalkin "

So your the original Pat Mustard I thought all those Fab babies were looking particularly hairy

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By *og-Man OP Man
over a year ago

somewhere

"My first job I got a quid for the full mornings work driving an electric milk float and delivering milk in clondalkin

So your the original Pat Mustard I thought all those Fab babies were looking particularly hairy "

More Dougal I'm afraid

I wish those women were in the nip

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By *laymates30Couple
over a year ago

The West

We have one student living at home who works part time. We pay her college fees & household bills, she pays for her social life & phone. Still have arguments about who empties the dishwasher though!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Everyone to there own.

I don't charge my eldest anything he works full time. Few stipulations though no gambling, no debt, no drugs. If he doesn't stick to that then it's time to pay his way.

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By *og-Man OP Man
over a year ago

somewhere

"We have one student living at home who works part time. We pay her college fees & household bills, she pays for her social life & phone. Still have arguments about who empties the dishwasher though! "

We have the who fills the machine argument....emptying it no problems

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You dip the wick you pay for the oil

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By *j47Man
over a year ago

limerick

"We have one student living at home who works part time. We pay her college fees & household bills, she pays for her social life & phone. Still have arguments about who empties the dishwasher though!

We have the who fills the machine argument....emptying it no problems "

Thats a whole other thread

Thankfully both mine are able to cook use the washing machine and iron

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By *oserMan
over a year ago

where the wild roses grow

3 of 4 of my lot are still at home with me.

All have jobs of a sort as well as still doing degrees/masters.

I ask them for 10/20 quid a week just to cover elec. They also pay their own phone bills take outs etc.

All are trying to save for their own places hence the small "fee"

Back in the day as soon as I got my 1st job my Ma made me give a 3rd for rent, save a 3rd and do what ever with my 3rd. Needless to say she was just teaching me the value of money and handed me my " rent" back when I started my house journey

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By *scouple07Couple
over a year ago

louth, Ireland

I agree with some on here if they are still at home and working then chucking a few quid each week isn't the end of the world, plus they need to start to learn about bills sometime

When I started working after I left school I helped out, not by giving over cash but buying things like coal, electric and the usual Sunday night Chinese

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If their working they should be paying their way

Otherwise they’ll never learn to stand on their own 2 feet and survive in the big world WHEN they move out . Then again why would they want to move out when they’re spoiled and wrapped in cotton wool

They will never appreciate the value of money

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By *ultry ZaraCouple
over a year ago

dublin

Ive adult kids still at home all pay a wage each week , I think its only proper as you dont want to spoil your kids & not only that the cost of liv8ng has gone up!! You get nothing for free , exceptions been on here lol lots of free fun !??

I paid my way growing up & in all honesty would have felt awful not contributing to my Mams hard work , cooking, cleaning, washing, bills , its called showing Gratitude !! Think its the right way.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Reality is your children will be living in the family home much longer now a days even as a young couple staring off in life saving for a deposit etc. Children moving out in their late 20s early 30s will be the new norm.

Regarding payment yes yes yes ! Depending on circumstances obviously make them pay rent and a percentage of energy and food bills, as parents it's our responsibility to prepare them for the Reality of living alone etc.

I have a 21 year old daughter, finished college working full time, she pays bills and rent without any issues but I'm saving half of it as a deposit on a house for her in the future so she is saving without knowing lol

If you take no money from your older children they will only waste it on take away and nights out so at least you'll be saving it for them...

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By *affa31Woman
over a year ago

Galway

Do your kids transfer a set amount to savings each month?

Without a regular savings record/record of rent, they will struggle to get a mortgage.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No cash in hand...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I was considering moving back in with my mother at the age of 33 earlier this year. I would have been happy to contribute to bills and the mortgage, absolutely. I think what you're doing for your kids is wonderful and selfless though Bog

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By *og-Man OP Man
over a year ago

somewhere

"Do your kids transfer a set amount to savings each month?

Without a regular savings record/record of rent, they will struggle to get a mortgage. "

Every month ....both of them

They also got credit cards during the pandemic to use on their subscriptions and Amazon purchases

Paid back in full every month by direct debit to help build up a credit rating

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By *og-Man OP Man
over a year ago

somewhere

"I was considering moving back in with my mother at the age of 33 earlier this year. I would have been happy to contribute to bills and the mortgage, absolutely. I think what you're doing for your kids is wonderful and selfless though Bog

I think its just an age think to be honest

When you're in your late 50's now the standard for us was move out to get married and buy a house

Buying a house was normal...you got 10% deposit ...put on a suit...went to the bank manager ...forged your wage slips and borrowed the rest ....

House's seemed unaffordable to us at the time with some interest rates of 12 to 15 % in ghe early 90's

How kids are meant to afford a house now ...Haven't a clue and can only assume that some parents are going guarantor on the mortgage

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My eldest lives at home,he's working a minimum wage job right now and saving to hopefully move to Spain, I don't charge him rent or bills,he pays for the food shop every second week and pays for his car which he needs to get to work. His sister is in college and working part time, my ex and I pay her rent and fees, she pays for everything else herself - the same arrangement applied when my son was in college. If I am in a position to help my kids,why would I not?

My own mother helped me out, and I understood how to budget and save.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

But the younger generation seem to have no problems going out at weekend spending a fortune on social life

A normal night is over €100 without anything fancy a few people told me recently

They have no value on money and never think of the rainy day

Live in the NOW as they call it

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By *ealitybitesMan
over a year ago

Belfast

There are co-ownership schemes available up here which help people get on the property ladder and don't always require a deposit.

There are restrictions within the scheme but it works for a lot of people.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"My eldest lives at home,he's working a minimum wage job right now and saving to hopefully move to Spain, I don't charge him rent or bills,he pays for the food shop every second week and pays for his car which he needs to get to work. His sister is in college and working part time, my ex and I pay her rent and fees, she pays for everything else herself - the same arrangement applied when my son was in college. If I am in a position to help my kids,why would I not?

My own mother helped me out, and I understood how to budget and save. "

Well done you

That’s the KEY thing

Teaching them how to budget and save

That’s how we all learned from our parents by handing up money when working and not freeloading. Lead by example

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By *og-Man OP Man
over a year ago

somewhere

"But the younger generation seem to have no problems going out at weekend spending a fortune on social life

A normal night is over €100 without anything fancy a few people told me recently

They have no value on money and never think of the rainy day

Live in the NOW as they call it "

100 wouldn't be enough for a night out in Dublin ....drink,food,clubs,taxi's

200 is probably the standard now a days

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"But the younger generation seem to have no problems going out at weekend spending a fortune on social life

A normal night is over €100 without anything fancy a few people told me recently

They have no value on money and never think of the rainy day

Live in the NOW as they call it

100 wouldn't be enough for a night out in Dublin ....drink,food,clubs,taxi's

200 is probably the standard now a days "

Thankfully my kids are adherents to the student practice of prinking

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"But the younger generation seem to have no problems going out at weekend spending a fortune on social life

A normal night is over €100 without anything fancy a few people told me recently

They have no value on money and never think of the rainy day

Live in the NOW as they call it

100 wouldn't be enough for a night out in Dublin ....drink,food,clubs,taxi's

200 is probably the standard now a days "

That’s it

Just meant local

A night with no frills just a few scoops

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have the same problem, I worry my children won't be able to afford a mortgage etc.

I have built a granny flat type extension onto the back of my house ,sitting room,kitchen bedroom and bathroom, perfect for a young couple starting out in life , they can pay rent, bills etc. Then eventually when they move out I can rent it out, so it's a win win for everyone and a great investment...

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By *og-Man OP Man
over a year ago

somewhere

"But the younger generation seem to have no problems going out at weekend spending a fortune on social life

A normal night is over €100 without anything fancy a few people told me recently

They have no value on money and never think of the rainy day

Live in the NOW as they call it

100 wouldn't be enough for a night out in Dublin ....drink,food,clubs,taxi's

200 is probably the standard now a days

Thankfully my kids are adherents to the student practice of prinking

I have that the next 2 nights in the house....So I'm working

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"But the younger generation seem to have no problems going out at weekend spending a fortune on social life

A normal night is over €100 without anything fancy a few people told me recently

They have no value on money and never think of the rainy day

Live in the NOW as they call it

100 wouldn't be enough for a night out in Dublin ....drink,food,clubs,taxi's

200 is probably the standard now a days

Thankfully my kids are adherents to the student practice of prinking

I have that the next 2 nights in the house....So I'm working

Mine have the good grace to do it in someone else's gaff

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By *ouble Trouble 1000Couple
over a year ago

ireland

My kids always gave some housekeeping,1 because they could afford to and 2 because they needed to learn to pay their way in life .I never felt guilty taking it as it was a small amount and helped cover the cost of the WiFi at least

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"But the younger generation seem to have no problems going out at weekend spending a fortune on social life

A normal night is over €100 without anything fancy a few people told me recently

They have no value on money and never think of the rainy day

Live in the NOW as they call it "

Ya fuck them they should literally never leave the house except to work

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"But the younger generation seem to have no problems going out at weekend spending a fortune on social life

A normal night is over €100 without anything fancy a few people told me recently

They have no value on money and never think of the rainy day

Live in the NOW as they call it

Ya fuck them they should literally never leave the house except to work"

I firmly believe in giving them extra rations at Christmas and one afternoon a month off

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By *ensualandslow321Man
over a year ago

Tullamore

"But the younger generation seem to have no problems going out at weekend spending a fortune on social life

A normal night is over €100 without anything fancy a few people told me recently

They have no value on money and never think of the rainy day

Live in the NOW as they call it

Ya fuck them they should literally never leave the house except to work

I firmly believe in giving them extra rations at Christmas and one afternoon a month off"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"But the younger generation seem to have no problems going out at weekend spending a fortune on social life

A normal night is over €100 without anything fancy a few people told me recently

They have no value on money and never think of the rainy day

Live in the NOW as they call it

Ya fuck them they should literally never leave the house except to work

I firmly believe in giving them extra rations at Christmas and one afternoon a month off"

Snowflake

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By *aidbare5Couple
over a year ago

down the road

Very interesting topic. Whatever about the financial end of contribution towards the household which I totally agree with there should also be a contribution physically towards doing some work around the house. Painting, cleaning, cooking, gardening and doing your own fecken laundry. I know so many adults in their 30s who still live at home and they couldn't boil an egg or know the difference between a washing machine and a dryer!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Very interesting topic. Whatever about the financial end of contribution towards the household which I totally agree with there should also be a contribution physically towards doing some work around the house. Painting, cleaning, cooking, gardening and doing your own fecken laundry. I know so many adults in their 30s who still live at home and they couldn't boil an egg or know the difference between a washing machine and a dryer! "

Absolutely,my kids were gobsmacked when they went to college by housemates who had no idea how to cook a meal or operate a washing machine. Whatever about the value of their "contribution" at home, letting them out into the world without such basic life skills is just neglect.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"But the younger generation seem to have no problems going out at weekend spending a fortune on social life

A normal night is over €100 without anything fancy a few people told me recently

They have no value on money and never think of the rainy day

Live in the NOW as they call it

Ya fuck them they should literally never leave the house except to work

I firmly believe in giving them extra rations at Christmas and one afternoon a month off

Snowflake"

Reference to whom ??

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By *ilthyNightsCouple
over a year ago

East / North, Cork

"But the younger generation seem to have no problems going out at weekend spending a fortune on social life

A normal night is over €100 without anything fancy a few people told me recently

They have no value on money and never think of the rainy day

Live in the NOW as they call it "

€100 would be a cheap enough night out on the town these days. Thankfully finding a job now is easy enough so they can self-fund these things once they are happy with house sharing or a token rent with the old folks. It's problematic to expect to do this AND save for a mortgage deposit though

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"But the younger generation seem to have no problems going out at weekend spending a fortune on social life

A normal night is over €100 without anything fancy a few people told me recently

They have no value on money and never think of the rainy day

Live in the NOW as they call it

Totally agree with you.

And not getting any cheaper with inflation

It’s so tough for young folks trying to get on the property ladder.

I was just saying €100 for a few local drinks

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By *ogladyWoman
over a year ago

The bog

When my daughter was living with me our deal was that she would put a certain amount each week into the prepay power..she bought all her own food and anything else she needed for her self..

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By *ewrideMan
over a year ago

OP, your friend is a miserable bollocks.

His children will resent his behaviour just as much as he resents their existence.

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By *ewrideMan
over a year ago

Surprised at most responses

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By *ilthyNightsCouple
over a year ago

East / North, Cork

"Surprised at most responses"

What do you think is the appropriate financial way to deal with adult working kids living at home?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Surprised at most responses

What do you think is the appropriate financial way to deal with adult working kids living at home?"

Great question???

He probably lives at home still and freeloading

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By *ewrideMan
over a year ago

"Surprised at most responses

What do you think is the appropriate financial way to deal with adult working kids living at home?"

Maybe they should act like a family that actually like each other and cooperate, instead of counting points.

Young adults don't have a point to prove, their parents should be as supportive as their means allow.

There isn't a definitive answer.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Splitting all bills between working adults is fair. Learning to budget and save money for utilities is a life skill. I use Revolut vaults for this.

Regarding the small stuff, if a kid is constantly asking for you to get something and not forking out (milk or deodoran for example), I think it's fair that they are pulled up on this. To me that is tight and you are not tight for expecting payment for this. If they were living in a house share they would not get away with this and they are not going to save for a house by not paying up for the bits and bobs. But I think not paying the rent is fair if they are saving for a house deposit or a car which is required for a job or independence.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"But the younger generation seem to have no problems going out at weekend spending a fortune on social life

A normal night is over €100 without anything fancy a few people told me recently

They have no value on money and never think of the rainy day

Live in the NOW as they call it

Ya fuck them they should literally never leave the house except to work

I firmly believe in giving them extra rations at Christmas and one afternoon a month off

Snowflake

Reference to whom ?? "

The person to whom I replied

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"But the younger generation seem to have no problems going out at weekend spending a fortune on social life

A normal night is over €100 without anything fancy a few people told me recently

They have no value on money and never think of the rainy day

Live in the NOW as they call it

Ya fuck them they should literally never leave the house except to work

I firmly believe in giving them extra rations at Christmas and one afternoon a month off

Snowflake

Reference to whom ??

The person to whom I replied

Lol

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By *ilthyNightsCouple
over a year ago

East / North, Cork

"Surprised at most responses

What do you think is the appropriate financial way to deal with adult working kids living at home?

Maybe they should act like a family that actually like each other and cooperate, instead of counting points.

Young adults don't have a point to prove, their parents should be as supportive as their means allow.

There isn't a definitive answer."

So parents who have the financial means to fully support adult working kids should fully support them financially? They would not be expected to contribute at all?

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By *idnight and LaceCouple
over a year ago

your town

We just ask my step son to contribute to the electric since it's gone up drastically since he moved in with me and his Dad. We buy his food , and clothes ect and the only reason we asked for electric is he was spunking it all on games online so we're easing him into having to be a adult and pay for thing's. I had to do it at his age and I will he the exact same with our own kids once they are of an appropriate age to do so.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"We just ask my step son to contribute to the electric since it's gone up drastically since he moved in with me and his Dad. We buy his food , and clothes ect and the only reason we asked for electric is he was spunking it all on games online so we're easing him into having to be a adult and pay for thing's. I had to do it at his age and I will he the exact same with our own kids once they are of an appropriate age to do so. "

Well done and a good move

They need to understand the cost of living and that there’s nothing free in the big world

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By *ewrideMan
over a year ago

"Surprised at most responses

What do you think is the appropriate financial way to deal with adult working kids living at home?

Maybe they should act like a family that actually like each other and cooperate, instead of counting points.

Young adults don't have a point to prove, their parents should be as supportive as their means allow.

There isn't a definitive answer.

So parents who have the financial means to fully support adult working kids should fully support them financially? They would not be expected to contribute at all? "

I didn't say anything like that.

They should do what works for them.

But a parent taking money from their adult child out of begrudgery is more than a bit mean spirited.

If you want a good relationship with your adult children you wouldn't treat them as if you resented them.

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By *ilthyNightsCouple
over a year ago

East / North, Cork

Okay. Sounds like you agree with everyone else on the thread so

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By *ewrideMan
over a year ago

"Okay. Sounds like you agree with everyone else on the thread so

Definitely not, lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Okay. Sounds like you agree with everyone else on the thread so

Sounds like he’s a miserable bleep that freeloads and lives off others

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By *ewrideMan
over a year ago

"Okay. Sounds like you agree with everyone else on the thread so

Sounds like he’s a miserable bleep that freeloads and lives off others

I think you're projecting

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By *heNightKingReturnsMan
over a year ago

Dublin

I used to work with a lad who had a very basic rule for his kids once they started working, pay up 1/3 of their wages to the household bills, 1/3 had to go into savings and 1/3 for spending money for the week. If they didn’t like it then there’s the door ??

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By *ai18Man
over a year ago

Templemore

I had to hand over money as soon as i got job, we put money to one side to pay for our own school books/uniforms, and our own items when needed. As we got older we contributed more towards bills and shopping for the house.

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By *adyandthetramp20Couple
over a year ago

carry on camping

Our son recently moved home with his fiance. We don't charge them rent but they have to save what they would pay for a mortgage over the next 6 months and then go start the process of getting a mortgage themselves. We have no issue paying the bills or getting the shopping but we don't buy their toiletries or personal stuff. We should always look out for our children regardless of age but we should never shelter them from real life because we're doing them no favours.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have 3 uni going children at home with me ,i work 60 hours a week and have bought my children up alone since primary age when i divorced , it's very difficult nowadays for young people to get on the property ladder. So i envisage at least another 5 maybe 10 yrs living with me ,mine work part time for pocket money , i pay everything . I broke up with a guy recently who's idea of contributing to his own 3 kids with his x a grand total of a tenner a week for each of them , he told me when they reach 18 he won't even give that ,they are basically on their own !! I was so disgusted with him i dumped him immediately.

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By *ewrideMan
over a year ago

"I used to work with a lad who had a very basic rule for his kids once they started working, pay up 1/3 of their wages to the household bills, 1/3 had to go into savings and 1/3 for spending money for the week. If they didn’t like it then there’s the door ?? "

That's controlling rather than supporting or enabling.

Would people seriously fall out with their own children over money?

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By *oejoxxxMan
over a year ago

anywhere

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By *ORDERMANMan
over a year ago

wrexham

Anyone recall the UK comedy set in Liverpool...'Bread'

Ma Boswell always ensured they contributed to the family kitty every friday

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

That's controlling rather than supporting or enabling.

Would people seriously fall out with their own children over money?"

Families fall out over money all the time

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By *og-Man OP Man
over a year ago

somewhere

That's controlling rather than supporting or enabling.

Would people seriously fall out with their own children over money?

Families fall out over money all the time "

Usually when there's a death first

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

That's controlling rather than supporting or enabling.

Would people seriously fall out with their own children over money?

Families fall out over money all the time

Usually when there's a death first

Not necessarily, but sometimes it leads to murder

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By *rakesterlingMan
over a year ago

Dublin

It's not mean, it's setting them up for success.

Imagine a 30yo still living with you and expecting to live off you? When you pass, what is that person going to do? What kind of a shock this will be for them? A 40yo who doesn't know how to pay the bills? Etc...

I've seen it happen

After all, it's only fair, you raised them, educated them, loved them, nourished and cherished them, and now that they are grown up, they need to carry their own weight, in your house, or otherwise.

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By *eavenscentitCouple
over a year ago

barnstaple

I don't think it's mean either, it's about transitioning into an adult - adult relationship with them. I know of parents who struggle whilst their offspring have everything because they earn good money, and do nothing around the house.

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By *etmebeurfantasyWoman
over a year ago

My town

I've two adult children and one child all at home. I've brought my oldest kids up on my own, my oldest pays me money every week she's currently studying and works my other adult child has autism so her needs will always be met by myself. Youngest is only 15.

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By *ewrideMan
over a year ago

That's controlling rather than supporting or enabling.

Would people seriously fall out with their own children over money?

Families fall out over money all the time "

Isn't that sad?

I find it incredible that people are justifying this power-dynamic in a parent-child relationship.

It isn't supportive, nurturing or anything of the sort.

It's resentment, and going to put distance between them.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

That's controlling rather than supporting or enabling.

Would people seriously fall out with their own children over money?

Families fall out over money all the time

Isn't that sad?

I find it incredible that people are justifying this power-dynamic in a parent-child relationship.

It isn't supportive, nurturing or anything of the sort.

It's resentment, and going to put distance between them."

The thing is, it's not about support or nurture once your kids are of age, it's about supporting them in the transition to independent adulthood. Enabling them isn't in anyone's interest. The most difficult aspect of parenthood in my opinion is striking the balance.

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By *ealitybitesMan
over a year ago

Belfast

That's controlling rather than supporting or enabling.

Would people seriously fall out with their own children over money?

Families fall out over money all the time

Isn't that sad?

I find it incredible that people are justifying this power-dynamic in a parent-child relationship.

It isn't supportive, nurturing or anything of the sort.

It's resentment, and going to put distance between them."

I've never been in a position to enable my kids even if I had wanted to. When they started working they were on a similar wage to what I was on so their contributions were a necessary part of maintaining a household. I didn't have the option of putting some of it aside for any of them.

On a couple of occasions their partners, who had been enabled by their own parents, took advantage of my kids savings and cleaned them out before getting the boot.

I then had to put myself in debt to sort out their issues.

Despite all that, two of them are now home owners and managing extremely well and they always credit that to learning the value of everything when they were teenagers and being able to fend for themselves.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

That's controlling rather than supporting or enabling.

Would people seriously fall out with their own children over money?

Families fall out over money all the time

Isn't that sad?

I find it incredible that people are justifying this power-dynamic in a parent-child relationship.

It isn't supportive, nurturing or anything of the sort.

It's resentment, and going to put distance between them.

You hit the nail on the head

Spot on

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By *ilthyNightsCouple
over a year ago

East / North, Cork

That's controlling rather than supporting or enabling.

Would people seriously fall out with their own children over money?

Families fall out over money all the time

Isn't that sad?

I find it incredible that people are justifying this power-dynamic in a parent-child relationship.

It isn't supportive, nurturing or anything of the sort.

It's resentment, and going to put distance between them."

A working adult paying towards the cost of their own accommodation isn't a bad power dynamic. It's absolutely reasonable. An unhealthy dynamic would be having money and yet expecting to be able to live for free without contributing to the cost of that.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I've two adult children and one child all at home. I've brought my oldest kids up on my own, my oldest pays me money every week she's currently studying and works my other adult child has autism so her needs will always be met by myself. Youngest is only 15. "

Fair play to you for your commitment and dedication to your family

You will be rewarded for your hard work

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By *ewrideMan
over a year ago

That's controlling rather than supporting or enabling.

Would people seriously fall out with their own children over money?

Families fall out over money all the time

Isn't that sad?

I find it incredible that people are justifying this power-dynamic in a parent-child relationship.

It isn't supportive, nurturing or anything of the sort.

It's resentment, and going to put distance between them.

I'm talking about the parent demanding it out of some kind of principle, as opposed to it being a reasonable and necessary contribution.

I don't think it's unreasonable to assume the parent is likely the one with both more wealth and income.

This school of hard knocks stuff is both petty and nasty.

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By *B 4099Man
over a year ago

North West, Outer Letterkenny area

That's controlling rather than supporting or enabling.

Would people seriously fall out with their own children over money?

Families fall out over money all the time

Isn't that sad?

I find it incredible that people are justifying this power-dynamic in a parent-child relationship.

It isn't supportive, nurturing or anything of the sort.

It's resentment, and going to put distance between them.

Yes .but it's horrible. Imagine paying your parents. I've done it before and trust me ,the caveat that comes with is awful

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