FabSwingers.com forum: What made you push your boundaries.

By *ed just Red OP Woman
over a year ago

Dublin City

So this is a spur from another post. I’m wondering about how you view your boundaries. And what was different when you explored and pushed them.

It’s always pissed me off that my hard no’s were not respected and considered challenges. So many men got short shrift for saying “you don’t like it cos you’ve never done it with me”.

In fact, it became a deal breaker. If a man didn’t respect that a boundary was a hard no, he was gone.

It’s not until recently that I’ve decided to push and challenge my own boundaries as I’m with someone I’m totally safe with. And I’m really interested in what other think.

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By *ealitybitesMan
over a year ago

Belfast

This side of me didn't exist at all 8 years ago so I had no way of setting boundaries as I had zero experience and no idea what those boundaries might be.

Since joining fab I've found that some women tend to assume that because they don't have any boundaries at all that I shouldn't either and I've been told on a few occasions that men don't have options.

Hence why in 5 years here I'm not even in double figures in regard to play meets and it's nothing to do with lack of opportunities and everything to do with an ability to say no when it suits me.

With the right person anything is possible but only if its mutual which is why that word is highlighted in my profile.

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By * la carteCouple
over a year ago

Dublin

Pet peeve of mine - a boundary that's a hard no becomes a challenge for a partner - sorry but you're ditched. I had that with someone who said - but I enjoy it rather than but you haven't tried it with me

. Eh, sorry but NO!!!

I'll decide if and when I'm good and ready to try something with someone. If I don't, won't, can't and it's needed for him, then we're obviously not compatible.

Equally I'd expect my opposite to let me know of hard boundaries. Communication needs to be very clear on that front.

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By *ed just Red OP Woman
over a year ago

Dublin City

"Pet peeve of mine - a boundary that's a hard no becomes a challenge for a partner - sorry but you're ditched. I had that with someone who said - but I enjoy it rather than but you haven't tried it with me

. Eh, sorry but NO!! "

That just drives me freaking nuts. I don’t want fingers inside me, end of. (I find most men don’t know that it’s the difference between stuffing a chicken and summoning a genie.) The amount of times I said it’s a hard no and the response was “ah that’s just because you haven’t had ME do it”. Right. Fuck off so.

Then a lover takes the time to talk about a hard no and you discover they’ll try some thing unusual and then it’s amazing (or they are) and it’s all you want. As k explained to one FB, it’s rarely about how he treats me in the bedroom, but outside of it that counts.

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By *rmrs1234Couple
over a year ago

Waterford

Ill push mine when im ready to do it. My other half has suggested things that i straight off the bat said no but then sat and thougjt about it and talked it all over ive tried them but thats with him. We have pushed boundaries with a particular meet and that was ONLY because we both felt very comfortable with him and we knew he understood exactly what we wanted to try.

Anyone who messages with any sort of shite especially with the squirting thing are ignored.

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By *ustBoWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in Co. Down

I have some hard boundaries where certain things are off limits. I cannot stand when people try and persuade me to do them because it's what they want to do and they think they will be the one to prove me wrong and totally disregard how I feel about it.

And don't get me started on the ones who try and tell me that they will be the ones to make me squirt as tho it is a challenge to get me to.I actually cannot think of anything more tedious than it being someone's main aim durning a meet .

Since I joined here I have found someone I trust and we have pushed boundaries and done things I never thought I would before but that is because I know they will stop if I don't want to continue and that works both ways.

But when people think on a first play meet you have to push boundaries and limitations it's a red flag and not something I personally have any interest in doing with someone I barely know .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Oh Gawd the squirting thing amount of guys who wanted to be my first. Like what were they looking for a gold medal in squirting. I used to feel my vagina was like Bosco they'd have their hand shoved up so far the only thing I ever got was a Uti! It was eventually amazing though with the right kind and patient person that I trusted completely to help me fulfill my fantasy of squirting.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think boundaries expand with the right partner but to me it’s a learning process what was once great with someone may not be the same with another. Once two people are comfortable with each other and learn which spots of arousal the rhythm the positions. Until about 10 years ago the majority of the time I had sex was in the dark with lights off as that’s what my partner at the time preferred so even positions where well it was missionary that was it thankfully I’ve experienced far more since

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A pyscological challenge for myself although I only push them ever so slight.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Boundaries are boundaries for a reason. If your partner cant respect them or the reason you have them then get gone...or get them gone. That basic lack of respect isnt going to bode well for the future

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By *ilthyNightsCouple
over a year ago

East / North, Cork

I think think it's easiest to have hard limits, and soft limits... and to communicate them clearly. Having said that we don't really have any particular limits for non-BDSM meets. Anyone who pushes or even asks for anything over a hard limit (after it's communicated)will get turfed out sharpish.

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By *scouple07Couple
over a year ago

louth, Ireland

We have our hard no's and they are something that we will never comprise on, but we have pushed our boundaries over time at our own pace and only when we are ready

Communication between ourselves and whoever it is we are meeting is essential

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Before joining here had I had boundaries , probably not as I didn't think I was allowed to enjoy sex, to feel wanted and to feel sexy.

Since joining fab I have explored some boundaries but it was with people I have met and felt comfortable with to push the boundaries.

If I'm chatting to a guy and the talk gets pushy about making me cum like never before, or orgasm or squirt I just think bugger off. I'm not a challenge.

I still have boundaries if that's what they are to push, I'd love to be more brave about messaging or asking a guy if he's interested.

I think on fab compared to other sites is here we can be open about our likes and dislikes and hopefully find someone who us willing to share and explore the adventures.

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By *ubal1Man
over a year ago

Newry Down

In the medical profession, before a treatment is prescribed the doctor is advised (obliged) to take into account the patient's concerns and expectations.

And so in this game, which is usually a joint venture each person is obliged to respect the other person's concerns and expectations, which should be clearly stated and negotiated in advance, at a social meet.

Everyone then understands the limits and boundaries.

However, if a person has a reputation for disrespect within this group, they are finished, because word will spread rapidly that they cannot be trusted.

Communicate, negotiate and be respectful; and a good time will be had by all, whether that be two, three four or more!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've had a few guys explain to me, in detail, why my hard no gives them pleasure. Some I listen too coz we have chatted a while the rest I block. I still say no to all of them but I can definitely see they take it as a challenge to see if it would interest me after they've explained the pleasure they get.

There is a couple of things I would never have done before fab but now I get the most pleasure out of. Its good to be open and respectful of others kinks. But they also have to respect my boundary

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By *dfabMan
over a year ago

Dunboyne

If you don't fancy it, make it clear to the other person. They can tell you that it's something that they're curious about and say maybe someday.

Always agree a safeword before any type of play and have it understood in advance that it really does mean STOP what you're doing.

Never use the word Stop as a safeword as some people like to say Stop in a CNC type sense and if you do stop it ruins their particular kink/enjoyment of a scenario.

As above, discussion in advance is the key differentiation in all these things. Understanding and consideration both ways will lead to greater enjoyment, some of which may lead to boundaries being explored when the mood changes or bodies and minds are more willing. However misinterpretation of those situations can happen and that's why a safeword is needed and should always be respected.

Lastly, boundaries shouldn't be seen as a challenge. Those who do so should seek cliffs/Garda station as their next challenge

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By *ed just Red OP Woman
over a year ago

Dublin City

I don’t think anyone was looking for an explanation of consent or boundary management, but I suppose it’s nice to have it explained. In detail. A few times.

I was talking about when people feel comfortable pushing them, what was different about that situation.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Oh Gawd the squirting thing amount of guys who wanted to be my first. Like what were they looking for a gold medal in squirting. I used to feel my vagina was like Bosco they'd have their hand shoved up so far the only thing I ever got was a Uti! It was eventually amazing though with the right kind and patient person that I trusted completely to help me fulfill my fantasy of squirting. "

"my vagina was like bosco" pmsl Rosie

Trust, communication, respect and that elusive chemistry are the key things really arent they, to be able to relax and feel safe enough to try new things. And its a real treat to find those people

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