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Meet safety!!

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By *ed just Red OP   Woman
over a year ago

Dublin City

Inspired by a comment on another thread. This subject was raised during lockdown but bashed down as “we shouldn’t be meeting” but now as meets are rife (YAY!!) I think it’s worth a discussion.

What do you do to be as safe as possible when meeting someone for the first time.

Aside from meeting in a public place etc.

I have a Fab best friend and when I was meeting new people, she would have had their name, fab names, Kik, telephone number and photograph. She also has all my passwords for Kik fab etc.

we send each other the information, time and place of meet. We alarm on our phone and call if we havnt heard from each other within an agreed period of time.

If we don’t hear or think there is a problem, we have a good idea of what we’d do, including calling a mutual friend who is a Garda and alerting their close friends or family.

We also make sure who we are meeting knows that these safeguards are in place and I believe that that’s the highest level of safety I can apply without stopping meeting.

In 2+yrs we havnt had an issue. Long may it continue.

I know men have had some dodgy meets too so I’m wondering what, if any, precautions are considered.

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By *angbangbullsCouple (MM)
over a year ago

City and County


"Inspired by a comment on another thread. This subject was raised during lockdown but bashed down as “we shouldn’t be meeting” but now as meets are rife (YAY!!) I think it’s worth a discussion.

What do you do to be as safe as possible when meeting someone for the first time.

Aside from meeting in a public place etc.

I have a Fab best friend and when I was meeting new people, she would have had their name, fab names, Kik, telephone number and photograph. She also has all my passwords for Kik fab etc.

we send each other the information, time and place of meet. We alarm on our phone and call if we havnt heard from each other within an agreed period of time.

If we don’t hear or think there is a problem, we have a good idea of what we’d do, including calling a mutual friend who is a Garda and alerting their close friends or family.

We also make sure who we are meeting knows that these safeguards are in place and I believe that that’s the highest level of safety I can apply without stopping meeting.

In 2+yrs we havnt had an issue. Long may it continue.

I know men have had some dodgy meets too so I’m wondering what, if any, precautions are considered. "

A brown paper bag is the limit a guy will go to...just in case . I know its a serious subject but I couldn't help it

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By *on Juan the MADridMan
over a year ago

Lisbon/ North England/ Wales/ Madrid/

First meet up in a public safe place for sure, then moving from there.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I did a thread about this a few months ago as well on coffee dates

1) Always bring cash for coffee the amount of times I've warned people to be careful pulling out a bank card with full name on it

2) Park away from where you're meeting and don't let them walk you back to the car. You don't want them knowing your car details. I've heard too many horror stories of people getting followed

3) You pick a public spot that's busy. So Tesco Shopping Centre etc.

4) Try not to meet in the evenings. From past experience some (not all) men think they might be getting a blowjob with that coffee

5) Don't reveal too many details about yourself. A lot of people are easily found on Social media these days.

6) Set a time limit and tell them someone is expecting you at a certain time.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I did a thread about this a few months ago as well on coffee dates

1) Always bring cash for coffee the amount of times I've warned people to be careful pulling out a bank card with full name on it

2) Park away from where you're meeting and don't let them walk you back to the car. You don't want them knowing your car details. I've heard too many horror stories of people getting followed

3) You pick a public spot that's busy. So Tesco Shopping Centre etc.

4) Try not to meet in the evenings. From past experience some (not all) men think they might be getting a blowjob with that coffee

5) Don't reveal too many details about yourself. A lot of people are easily found on Social media these days.

6) Set a time limit and tell them someone is expecting you at a certain time. "

All excellent advice, Rosy. Plus always listen to your instincts,if anything about the person seems off, don't meet them,end of

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By *3nsesMan
over a year ago

Dublin


"

I have a Fab best friend and when I was meeting new people, she would have had their name, fab names, Kik, telephone number and photograph. She also has all my passwords for Kik fab etc.

"

When you are meeting someone, do you inform them before hand that you'll will be giving all of this information to a third party? Or ask them if they are comfortable with it?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

I have a Fab best friend and when I was meeting new people, she would have had their name, fab names, Kik, telephone number and photograph. She also has all my passwords for Kik fab etc.

When you are meeting someone, do you inform them before hand that you'll will be giving all of this information to a third party? Or ask them if they are comfortable with it? "

She'll also ask their boyfriend for permission to do it first

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

I have a Fab best friend and when I was meeting new people, she would have had their name, fab names, Kik, telephone number and photograph. She also has all my passwords for Kik fab etc.

When you are meeting someone, do you inform them before hand that you'll will be giving all of this information to a third party? Or ask them if they are comfortable with it? "

I think ladies safety is more important than Fab GDPR issues.Most men are in a very fortunate position that they don't have to check in with someone to say they are safe. Unfortunately ladies do have to consider safety issues when going on a meet. But sure maybe we can start getting them to sign GDPR waiver. I'll get my Fab sexetary to draw one up

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By *innerboy86Man
over a year ago

on the border

All good advice just need to get over the whole anxiety side first I've only just starting meeting my real life friends in a social setting again and even that's a struggle but that's a whole other story

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By *ed just Red OP   Woman
over a year ago

Dublin City


"

I have a Fab best friend and when I was meeting new people, she would have had their name, fab names, Kik, telephone number and photograph. She also has all my passwords for Kik fab etc.

When you are meeting someone, do you inform them before hand that you'll will be giving all of this information to a third party? Or ask them if they are comfortable with it? "

But I repeat myself… “We also make sure who we are meeting knows that these safeguards are in place”

Or did you stop reading when you found something to get man-butthurt about?

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By *ustBoWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in Co. Down

I have never felt the need to tell a friend details of anyone I have met off here and to be fair I wouldn't want others giving out my personal info to a friend either before we'd meet. If I felt the need to do that then I wouldn't meet off here .

I've only once had anyone turn into a creep at a social and telling a friend wouldn't have helped that anyhow .I now always will chat for a good while before I even meet someone and to be fair that has always worked for me .That one time it was a bad social I met him within a two days of chatting and I won't do that again.

I agree with rosy about ways to try keep yourself safe and especially not to give out personal info and that goes for both genders.

Also if you leave before the other person even in your car make sure you aren't followed that has happened to a few people off here and they have had the person show up at their home on another day expecting to be left in.

Everyone does fab their own way and as long as they are happy and those they meet are happy with it then it's all good.

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By *ontbesillywrapyourwillyMan
over a year ago

Tipperary


"

I have a Fab best friend and when I was meeting new people, she would have had their name, fab names, Kik, telephone number and photograph. She also has all my passwords for Kik fab etc.

When you are meeting someone, do you inform them before hand that you'll will be giving all of this information to a third party? Or ask them if they are comfortable with it? "
that won't happen as is discretion is then out the window but I do understand why women feel the need to do it and it's another reason so few women are part of online sites.

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By *3nsesMan
over a year ago

Dublin

[Removed by poster at 17/02/22 11:58:55]

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By *3nsesMan
over a year ago

Dublin


"

I have a Fab best friend and when I was meeting new people, she would have had their name, fab names, Kik, telephone number and photograph. She also has all my passwords for Kik fab etc.

When you are meeting someone, do you inform them before hand that you'll will be giving all of this information to a third party? Or ask them if they are comfortable with it?

But I repeat myself… “We also make sure who we are meeting knows that these safeguards are in place”

Or did you stop reading when you found something to get man-butthurt about?"

It just wasn't clear at what stage that happened at.

Interesting you are so quicky to get a gendered dig in though.

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By *ed just Red OP   Woman
over a year ago

Dublin City


" that won't happen as is discretion is then out the window but I do understand why women feel the need to do it and it's another reason so few women are part of online sites."

Actually it does happen. Frequently. For as many meets as I’ve had. LOL

But sometimes the mere act of checking with a potential meet that it’s ok to share that information and seeing their reaction can be enough to either throw up a red flag or, as what usually happens, they offer extra information to assuage any hesitations I may have. I also offer that information back.

And, honestly, I’ve only ever had two guys get pissy and I just didn’t meet them.

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By *3nsesMan
over a year ago

Dublin


"

I have a Fab best friend and when I was meeting new people, she would have had their name, fab names, Kik, telephone number and photograph. She also has all my passwords for Kik fab etc.

When you are meeting someone, do you inform them before hand that you'll will be giving all of this information to a third party? Or ask them if they are comfortable with it?

I think ladies safety is more important than Fab GDPR issues.Most men are in a very fortunate position that they don't have to check in with someone to say they are safe. Unfortunately ladies do have to consider safety issues when going on a meet. But sure maybe we can start getting them to sign GDPR waiver. I'll get my Fab sexetary to draw one up "

It's not a case of one or the other though.

I think the concept of consent is also extremely important. As is discretion. I don't think giving people the option to consent to their personal private information is so outrageous. But here we are.

There was a discussion yesterday were people were happy to had over their log-in details so others could have a look at their PMs.

I do think it's important that people are just upfront and honest about how they will use their private messages and personal details they receive. I don't see why asking for clarification on that is, again, such an outrageous concept.

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By *ilderMan
over a year ago

dublin

A lot of good advice here.

I live alone but a few times if I'm a little dubious about who I'm meeting I've left a note on my bedside locker as to where I'm going to meet someone and at what time etc. It's always been somewhere I've known there would be cameras so it's at least helped calm any doubts I've had should anything serious happen... Safety first . I know I could 'tell a friend' but I choose not to do that.

Thankfully that's only a few times in over 10 years, usually if I'm taking a chance on a newbie couple or some such. Thankfully though that's just been an extra precaution and all has gone fine.

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By *ontbesillywrapyourwillyMan
over a year ago

Tipperary


" that won't happen as is discretion is then out the window but I do understand why women feel the need to do it and it's another reason so few women are part of online sites.

Actually it does happen. Frequently. For as many meets as I’ve had. LOL

But sometimes the mere act of checking with a potential meet that it’s ok to share that information and seeing their reaction can be enough to either throw up a red flag or, as what usually happens, they offer extra information to assuage any hesitations I may have. I also offer that information back.

And, honestly, I’ve only ever had two guys get pissy and I just didn’t meet them. "
I think with some they just might not want their info been shared. they might just want both parties (you and them) knowing. could be wrong though

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By *antra MassageMan
over a year ago

city

Lots of good advice here. I usually suss people out very well before a meet. If i have any doubts, i wont meet them. I have a favourite hotel, with my favourite seat, just under the security cameras where i meet for coffee and chat. My best friend will have all the details anyway. Ive never had a bad meet. I always presume that the woman I'm meeting has taken all the precautions mentioned above, and that our meet isnt exactly private. Also, i make an exscuse to use the loo, to give us both a chance to phone a friend, or for a couple to decide if they want to go any further.

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By *ontbesillywrapyourwillyMan
over a year ago

Tipperary

realistically then when you're meeting with a woman on here, in many cases it's not private. is that right?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

I have a Fab best friend and when I was meeting new people, she would have had their name, fab names, Kik, telephone number and photograph. She also has all my passwords for Kik fab etc.

When you are meeting someone, do you inform them before hand that you'll will be giving all of this information to a third party? Or ask them if they are comfortable with it?

I think ladies safety is more important than Fab GDPR issues.Most men are in a very fortunate position that they don't have to check in with someone to say they are safe. Unfortunately ladies do have to consider safety issues when going on a meet. But sure maybe we can start getting them to sign GDPR waiver. I'll get my Fab sexetary to draw one up

It's not a case of one or the other though.

I think the concept of consent is also extremely important. As is discretion. I don't think giving people the option to consent to their personal private information is so outrageous. But here we are.

There was a discussion yesterday were people were happy to had over their log-in details so others could have a look at their PMs.

I do think it's important that people are just upfront and honest about how they will use their private messages and personal details they receive. I don't see why asking for clarification on that is, again, such an outrageous concept. "

Let's discuss GDPR in relation to why a girl would use it for Fab meet

Why is data needed.. girls need contact details on off chance there's safety issues

Justification for having it.. again in case there's a issue with regards to safety

How long will data be kept on file. ..the people organising meet can come to a agreement when the data will be deleted

The right to withdraw consent.. again in a perfect scenario both parties can agree to contact details of both parties being deleted after meet

I think that's all very fair and reasonable and compliant with GDPR. Great communication on both parts is needed to make for a great meet where both parties feel safe and secure.

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By *ontbesillywrapyourwillyMan
over a year ago

Tipperary


"

I have a Fab best friend and when I was meeting new people, she would have had their name, fab names, Kik, telephone number and photograph. She also has all my passwords for Kik fab etc.

When you are meeting someone, do you inform them before hand that you'll will be giving all of this information to a third party? Or ask them if they are comfortable with it?

I think ladies safety is more important than Fab GDPR issues.Most men are in a very fortunate position that they don't have to check in with someone to say they are safe. Unfortunately ladies do have to consider safety issues when going on a meet. But sure maybe we can start getting them to sign GDPR waiver. I'll get my Fab sexetary to draw one up

It's not a case of one or the other though.

I think the concept of consent is also extremely important. As is discretion. I don't think giving people the option to consent to their personal private information is so outrageous. But here we are.

There was a discussion yesterday were people were happy to had over their log-in details so others could have a look at their PMs.

I do think it's important that people are just upfront and honest about how they will use their private messages and personal details they receive. I don't see why asking for clarification on that is, again, such an outrageous concept.

Let's discuss GDPR in relation to why a girl would use it for Fab meet

Why is data needed.. girls need contact details on off chance there's safety issues

Justification for having it.. again in case there's a issue with regards to safety

How long will data be kept on file. ..the people organising meet can come to a agreement when the data will be deleted

The right to withdraw consent.. again in a perfect scenario both parties can agree to contact details of both parties being deleted after meet

I think that's all very fair and reasonable and compliant with GDPR. Great communication on both parts is needed to make for a great meet where both parties feel safe and secure. "
would meeting in a public place with plenty around not suffice?

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By *ed just Red OP   Woman
over a year ago

Dublin City


"Lots of good advice here. I usually suss people out very well before a meet. If i have any doubts, i wont meet them. I have a favourite hotel, with my favourite seat, just under the security cameras where i meet for coffee and chat. My best friend will have all the details anyway. Ive never had a bad meet. I always presume that the woman I'm meeting has taken all the precautions mentioned above, and that our meet isnt exactly private. Also, i make an exscuse to use the loo, to give us both a chance to phone a friend, or for a couple to decide if they want to go any further. "

I think your approach is lovely. I’m impressed.

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By *onderingpurposeMan
over a year ago

Belfast

I had coffee with someone in their car. She asked me to bring two coffees with me. It was only after that I realised someone with bad intentions could easily have slipped something into the drink.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I had coffee with someone in their car. She asked me to bring two coffees with me. It was only after that I realised someone with bad intentions could easily have slipped something into the drink."

I believe in everyone buying their own drink

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By *ilthyNightsCouple
over a year ago

East / North, Cork

I don't think there is anything wrong with sharing information with a 3rd party for safety reasons... as long as you gain permission from the person you're meeting first. That way they can choose to give it or not and are in control of their own information. Giving out personal information without permission wouldn't be a good idea. It's best to be open about these things.

I'll add that it's not something I would do personally as I feel I can handle myself and Laura, but if she were meeting alone I would take measures to ensure risk minimisation

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By *ontbesillywrapyourwillyMan
over a year ago

Tipperary

for me meeting in public is so open and u can buy your own tea/coffee. I don't worry, I'm a man and can handle myself but I mean for women

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By *antra MassageMan
over a year ago

city


"I had coffee with someone in their car. She asked me to bring two coffees with me. It was only after that I realised someone with bad intentions could easily have slipped something into the drink."

I hope your meet went well. For me, this would have been so risky,

A car meet,

She allowed you bring the coffee.

She was very careless, and maybe didnt see the danger.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

In the past I have met a guy who told his friend where he went to keep safe and he knew I did the same. I didn't mind cause I know I won't cause issues.

If anybody has issues with any safety precautions has something to hide in my eyes

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By *3nsesMan
over a year ago

Dublin


"

I have a Fab best friend and when I was meeting new people, she would have had their name, fab names, Kik, telephone number and photograph. She also has all my passwords for Kik fab etc.

When you are meeting someone, do you inform them before hand that you'll will be giving all of this information to a third party? Or ask them if they are comfortable with it?

I think ladies safety is more important than Fab GDPR issues.Most men are in a very fortunate position that they don't have to check in with someone to say they are safe. Unfortunately ladies do have to consider safety issues when going on a meet. But sure maybe we can start getting them to sign GDPR waiver. I'll get my Fab sexetary to draw one up

It's not a case of one or the other though.

I think the concept of consent is also extremely important. As is discretion. I don't think giving people the option to consent to their personal private information is so outrageous. But here we are.

There was a discussion yesterday were people were happy to had over their log-in details so others could have a look at their PMs.

I do think it's important that people are just upfront and honest about how they will use their private messages and personal details they receive. I don't see why asking for clarification on that is, again, such an outrageous concept.

Let's discuss GDPR in relation to why a girl would use it for Fab meet

Why is data needed.. girls need contact details on off chance there's safety issues

Justification for having it.. again in case there's a issue with regards to safety

How long will data be kept on file. ..the people organising meet can come to a agreement when the data will be deleted

The right to withdraw consent.. again in a perfect scenario both parties can agree to contact details of both parties being deleted after meet

I think that's all very fair and reasonable and compliant with GDPR. Great communication on both parts is needed to make for a great meet where both parties feel safe and secure. "

I do understand why it might be done. But I was also a bit surprised people actually do it.

And that's simply because on the meets I've had on Fab, admittedly a very small sample size, and on other dating apps, a much much larger sample size, I've never been asked permission to share my details etc so just didn't think it was something that happened. The phonecall/text during the meeting was more common but much less so now even.

Obviously there's also a number of reasons why I just haven't been asked too. The dynamics of Fab might be a bit different for example.

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By *ontbesillywrapyourwillyMan
over a year ago

Tipperary


"In the past I have met a guy who told his friend where he went to keep safe and he knew I did the same. I didn't mind cause I know I won't cause issues.

If anybody has issues with any safety precautions has something to hide in my eyes "
ill give you an eg. nobody knows I'm on here, not a soul, no everyday friends, work colleagues etc. I want that discretion kept so if the party I'm meeting gives access to someone else to get into profile/,view messages, is that not privacy out the window? my way of meeting in public and buy your own drink is a simple safety measure for women. would you not agree?

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By *aid backMan
over a year ago

by a lake with my rod out

When I was meeting randoms i used to tell my best mate where I was going who I was meeting etc. Now I just put a sawn-off shotgun down the front of my jocks

I'm amazed the amount of women who don't at least tell a dab friend.

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By *aid backMan
over a year ago

by a lake with my rod out


"In the past I have met a guy who told his friend where he went to keep safe and he knew I did the same. I didn't mind cause I know I won't cause issues.

If anybody has issues with any safety precautions has something to hide in my eyes ill give you an eg. nobody knows I'm on here, not a soul, no everyday friends, work colleagues etc. I want that discretion kept so if the party I'm meeting gives access to someone else to get into profile/,view messages, is that not privacy out the window? my way of meeting in public and buy your own drink is a simple safety measure for women. would you not agree? "

I don't think you realise the amount of weirdos and psychopaths out there buying your own drink won't keep you safe from them.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"In the past I have met a guy who told his friend where he went to keep safe and he knew I did the same. I didn't mind cause I know I won't cause issues.

If anybody has issues with any safety precautions has something to hide in my eyes ill give you an eg. nobody knows I'm on here, not a soul, no everyday friends, work colleagues etc. I want that discretion kept so if the party I'm meeting gives access to someone else to get into profile/,view messages, is that not privacy out the window? my way of meeting in public and buy your own drink is a simple safety measure for women. would you not agree? "

That's perfectly fine but what about the actual meet. Sometimes the person you meet in public is a very different persona behind closed doors. I am speaking from experience.

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By *ontbesillywrapyourwillyMan
over a year ago

Tipperary

I don't know how to quote both posts but does the meeting in public where you have loads of others around in close proximity not keep you safe?

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By *aid backMan
over a year ago

by a lake with my rod out


"I don't know how to quote both posts but does the meeting in public where you have loads of others around in close proximity not keep you safe? "

So having lots of people around you in a bar stops them from following you home ?

Or if you plan to get intimate.Do you engage in sex in the bar with all the people around just to make sure you're still safe

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By *ontbesillywrapyourwillyMan
over a year ago

Tipperary


"I don't know how to quote both posts but does the meeting in public where you have loads of others around in close proximity not keep you safe?

So having lots of people around you in a bar stops them from following you home ?

Or if you plan to get intimate.Do you engage in sex in the bar with all the people around just to make sure you're still safe "
I doubt very few get intimate on a coffee meet!.

you leave before them, u don't park at the venue etc.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There’s lots of, messers, weirdo’s etc out there so safety should be paramount for both ladies & gents. Yes it a sex meeting site however not ensuring your own safety would not be a good idea. It would be great if everyone was honest & trustworthy unfortunately that’s not the case so whatever you need to do to feel safe is the right thing to do

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I always let Jay know where and when, when they arrive and when we leave. Always meet somewhere busy and with multiple escape routes if needed. Only had one social where I've had such a bad vibe and was being pressured to go to the persons car that used the routes to escape. When was a single lady my best mate would always be my check in. She's not on the scene but for kink or swing she always knew where I was and we had check ins and details of the person I was meeting. Cannot be safe enough as at the end of the day the nicest person here could be a psycho when they get you in private

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By *sLittleRedRidingHoodWoman
over a year ago

Magical Forrest


"I always let Jay know where and when, when they arrive and when we leave. Always meet somewhere busy and with multiple escape routes if needed. Only had one social where I've had such a bad vibe and was being pressured to go to the persons car that used the routes to escape. When was a single lady my best mate would always be my check in. She's not on the scene but for kink or swing she always knew where I was and we had check ins and details of the person I was meeting. Cannot be safe enough as at the end of the day the nicest person here could be a psycho when they get you in private "

100%

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By *ontbesillywrapyourwillyMan
over a year ago

Tipperary

I don't really have an issue with a woman telling a friend, it's giving people access to her profile to view private confidential messages.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Don't avoid any warning signs and be sure the person you're meeting is who they say they are.

I would say let someone you know where you are going, and always meet in public first.

Set your boundaries beforehand, and don't be to lenient. If you're uncomfortable by any means don't wave it off and excuse yourself.

Also, don't let yourself be reliant on them. Bring your own cash, car etc.

I'm fortunate enough to have very few bad experiences but I know some of my female friends have a fair few horror stories.

Stay Safe

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By *issMollyXXXWoman
over a year ago

Limerick

Always play safe!! Like Red I have a fab friend who always knows who I am meeting and where etc. No I dont divilge this info to those Im meeting until I need to " check in" , has never bothered any guy, they have actually commented that its a good idea!! Have heard many horror stories over the years and this for me is an added step of protection. Feck GDPR, I am not giving out more info than is already available on fab, but she has my info and my location, thats all that matters to me, no discretion has been broken. Rosies tips are exceptionally valid when meeting someone for the first time, this is online, you never know who you are really meeting.

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By *on Juan the MADridMan
over a year ago

Lisbon/ North England/ Wales/ Madrid/

It sounds obvious but verifications chain helps, who is verifying whom and so forth till I can find someone that I know or have been in the same group of social event.

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By *ubal1Man
over a year ago

Newry Down


"I did a thread about this a few months ago as well on coffee dates

1) Always bring cash for coffee the amount of times I've warned people to be careful pulling out a bank card with full name on it

2) Park away from where you're meeting and don't let them walk you back to the car. You don't want them knowing your car details. I've heard too many horror stories of people getting followed

3) You pick a public spot that's busy. So Tesco Shopping Centre etc.

4) Try not to meet in the evenings. From past experience some (not all) men think they might be getting a blowjob with that coffee

5) Don't reveal too many details about yourself. A lot of people are easily found on Social media these days.

6) Set a time limit and tell them someone is expecting you at a certain time. "

Exceptionally sound advice. Thank you.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I always knew to take precautions and I always hoped anyone I would meet would do likewise, but the extents people have to go to is extraordinary. Don't get me wrong, I agree they should be taken but it has been really eye opening.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Most smart phones or smart watches have a SOS feature installed .

My phone u click the power button 3 times and it sends an alert and location to a nominated friend or friends.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"It sounds obvious but verifications chain helps, who is verifying whom and so forth till I can find someone that I know or have been in the same group of social event. "

My worst ever Fab meet was with a well verified person. Verifications prove fuck all.

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By *ealitybitesMan
over a year ago

Belfast

I'll not bore anyone again with what happened on my first fab meet apart from saying that if the roles had been reversed the police would have been involved. Did I feel in danger? Not directly but just from possible consequences.

Long before fab I met someone who had to fly here to meet me. She told a friend at home where she was going and kept in touch throughout the day and I didn't have an issue with that as we had built up a certain level of trust before agreeing to meet.

I agree everyone needs to take precautions but every time we have a debate over the rights and wrongs of sharing info my opinion is tempered by all the horror stories of what is often done with that info.

Two well known posters in the Lounge have left the site because their info was passed around a chatgroup simply because one refused to meet a popular fabber and another had a difference of opinion on the forums.

The members of that chatgroup created fake FB profiles and outed one of those guys to his family and friends.

Take precautions and do what you need to do to be safe at all times but don't use other people's personal details to destroy their lives on a whim.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"It sounds obvious but verifications chain helps, who is verifying whom and so forth till I can find someone that I know or have been in the same group of social event.

My worst ever Fab meet was with a well verified person. Verifications prove fuck all."

200 verifications from 5 minute chats at social events certainly say nothing about what a person is like behind closed doors, plenty of dangerous people ooze social charm

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By *ed just Red OP   Woman
over a year ago

Dublin City


"It sounds obvious but verifications chain helps, who is verifying whom and so forth till I can find someone that I know or have been in the same group of social event.

My worst ever Fab meet was with a well verified person. Verifications prove fuck all."

OMG!! SAME!!!! Highly recommended, “oh he’s great!!”

Then an hour later I’m in bits wondering WTF just happened.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"It sounds obvious but verifications chain helps, who is verifying whom and so forth till I can find someone that I know or have been in the same group of social event.

My worst ever Fab meet was with a well verified person. Verifications prove fuck all.

OMG!! SAME!!!! Highly recommended, “oh he’s great!!”

Then an hour later I’m in bits wondering WTF just happened. "

You got a full hour? :P I lasted 20mins before I ran in tears ha ha

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"It sounds obvious but verifications chain helps, who is verifying whom and so forth till I can find someone that I know or have been in the same group of social event.

My worst ever Fab meet was with a well verified person. Verifications prove fuck all."

True. Some of the most verified people can be pure and utter assholes in person

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By *rmrs1234Couple
over a year ago

Waterford


"It sounds obvious but verifications chain helps, who is verifying whom and so forth till I can find someone that I know or have been in the same group of social event.

My worst ever Fab meet was with a well verified person. Verifications prove fuck all.

200 verifications from 5 minute chats at social events certainly say nothing about what a person is like behind closed doors, plenty of dangerous people ooze social charm"

Exactly this. Thats why i pay very little to no attention to coffee/social verifications.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Great tread

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By *oo32Man
over a year ago

tipperary

The lady should probably tell someone that they are meeting...

Meet in public,

Give the other person's fab Id

Guys let someone know too...

Meet in public

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By *ed just Red OP   Woman
over a year ago

Dublin City

[Removed by poster at 18/02/22 18:34:16]

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By *ed just Red OP   Woman
over a year ago

Dublin City


"It sounds obvious but verifications chain helps, who is verifying whom and so forth till I can find someone that I know or have been in the same group of social event.

My worst ever Fab meet was with a well verified person. Verifications prove fuck all.

OMG!! SAME!!!! Highly recommended, “oh he’s great!!”

Then an hour later I’m in bits wondering WTF just happened.

You got a full hour? :P I lasted 20mins before I ran in tears ha ha"

Oh it’s a long story. Needless to say, the girls who reccyd him were horrified to hear I’d been treated so badly until they discovered it was their reccomendeee and their tune changed.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I'll not bore anyone again with what happened on my first fab meet apart from saying that if the roles had been reversed the police would have been involved. Did I feel in danger? Not directly but just from possible consequences.

Long before fab I met someone who had to fly here to meet me. She told a friend at home where she was going and kept in touch throughout the day and I didn't have an issue with that as we had built up a certain level of trust before agreeing to meet.

I agree everyone needs to take precautions but every time we have a debate over the rights and wrongs of sharing info my opinion is tempered by all the horror stories of what is often done with that info.

Two well known posters in the Lounge have left the site because their info was passed around a chatgroup simply because one refused to meet a popular fabber and another had a difference of opinion on the forums.

The members of that chatgroup created fake FB profiles and outed one of those guys to his family and friends.

Take precautions and do what you need to do to be safe at all times but don't use other people's personal details to destroy their lives on a whim. "

That’s both fucking sick and twisted. How bitter would someone have to be to do that. Those people who shared that info must be truly fucked up and spiteful. Psychotherapists would have a field day with them

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By *ancy38Woman
over a year ago

galway


"

OMG!! SAME!!!! Highly recommended, “oh he’s great!!”

Then an hour later I’m in bits wondering WTF just happened.

You got a full hour? :P I lasted 20mins before I ran in tears ha ha"

Frightening hearing this. I hope your OK after it.

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By *ungry CatCouple
over a year ago

Belfast


"It sounds obvious but verifications chain helps, who is verifying whom and so forth till I can find someone that I know or have been in the same group of social event.

My worst ever Fab meet was with a well verified person. Verifications prove fuck all.

OMG!! SAME!!!! Highly recommended, “oh he’s great!!”

Then an hour later I’m in bits wondering WTF just happened.

You got a full hour? :P I lasted 20mins before I ran in tears ha ha

Oh it’s a long story. Needless to say, the girls who reccyd him were horrified to hear I’d been treated so badly until they discovered it was their reccomendeee and their tune changed.

"

This unfortunately happens a lot here

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By *xplicitMan
over a year ago

donegal

Do everything you can to protect yourself because truly dangerous people are very difficult to spot, often until it’s too late . I used to advise single girls to really test guys before they met, muck them about a bit to see how they react, you know, slow replies, even test them with a ‘you’re not really my type’ and see if they go apeshit

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Do everything you can to protect yourself because truly dangerous people are very difficult to spot, often until it’s too late . I used to advise single girls to really test guys before they met, muck them about a bit to see how they react, you know, slow replies, even test them with a ‘you’re not really my type’ and see if they go apeshit "

I had to postpone coffee before with "nice guy" because kids were sick but I had given him 24 hours notice. He literally did go apeshit on me and said he was better off not meeting me as I was just like the other girls riding rings around the place and must be riddled with Sti's. God I wish I don't even have time to give myself a fingering these days

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Do everything you can to protect yourself because truly dangerous people are very difficult to spot, often until it’s too late . I used to advise single girls to really test guys before they met, muck them about a bit to see how they react, you know, slow replies, even test them with a ‘you’re not really my type’ and see if they go apeshit "

That’s kinda weird shit to be at too, to be honest.

That’s testing. And it’s extremely unhealthy behaviour for anyone to be pulling, and it’s also weird to be advising people to do it too.

Shit behaviour begets shit behaviour

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By *agle eyed RobMan
over a year ago

Mallow

It just goes to prove that we need clubs like Vanilla and RVC where people can meet safely in a public and safe place.

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By *ussieGuyInDubMan
over a year ago

Docklands


"Do everything you can to protect yourself because truly dangerous people are very difficult to spot, often until it’s too late . I used to advise single girls to really test guys before they met, muck them about a bit to see how they react, you know, slow replies, even test them with a ‘you’re not really my type’ and see if they go apeshit "

Slow replies can just be part of the game, but saying that a guy isn't her type is probably going to push away the ones who she would want to see, wouldn't it? Even if she then chased me after, I'd still probably stay away because of the hot and cold nature telling me that she's crazy and not worth the inevitable headaches (been there, done that).

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By *ustBoWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in Co. Down


"Do everything you can to protect yourself because truly dangerous people are very difficult to spot, often until it’s too late . I used to advise single girls to really test guys before they met, muck them about a bit to see how they react, you know, slow replies, even test them with a ‘you’re not really my type’ and see if they go apeshit "

I'd rather not play games with someone and if I tell someone they are not my type I actually mean it. But this could be why some men on here ignore it when you tell them that if crap like that is being pulled. What is wrong with chatting to someone and just getting to know them a bit without having to test them.I know I would just stop chatting if someone was pulling crap like that to me and I'd expect any man with an ounce of respect for himself to do the same if I tried it with him .

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By *ealitybitesMan
over a year ago

Belfast


"Do everything you can to protect yourself because truly dangerous people are very difficult to spot, often until it’s too late . I used to advise single girls to really test guys before they met, muck them about a bit to see how they react, you know, slow replies, even test them with a ‘you’re not really my type’ and see if they go apeshit "

Was this in a professional capacity?

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By *ontbesillywrapyourwillyMan
over a year ago

Tipperary


"It just goes to prove that we need clubs like Vanilla and RVC where people can meet safely in a public and safe place. "
what it shows is one to one meets will die away here. way more on here in the last few years won't do one to one meets but I suppose that's a site thing as other sites they will. there is a party meet and greet element to fab that u don't have on tinder pof etc

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By *ontbesillywrapyourwillyMan
over a year ago

Tipperary


"Do everything you can to protect yourself because truly dangerous people are very difficult to spot, often until it’s too late . I used to advise single girls to really test guys before they met, muck them about a bit to see how they react, you know, slow replies, even test them with a ‘you’re not really my type’ and see if they go apeshit "
Why would you do that? if a woman said to me"youre not my type" and then I stopped talking and she came back and said "listen I was only messing to see would you go crazy", we wouldn't be talking again. if a woman on here openened my mails and didn't reply each and every time for prolonged period of time, we wouldn't be talking again. that to me just shows someone whose not interested.

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By *agle eyed RobMan
over a year ago

Mallow


"It just goes to prove that we need clubs like Vanilla and RVC where people can meet safely in a public and safe place. what it shows is one to one meets will die away here. way more on here in the last few years won't do one to one meets but I suppose that's a site thing as other sites they will. there is a party meet and greet element to fab that u don't have on tinder pof etc "

That is actually a positive for fab. Women tell me they feel way safer meeting with someone from fab than tinder etc.

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By *ontbesillywrapyourwillyMan
over a year ago

Tipperary


"It just goes to prove that we need clubs like Vanilla and RVC where people can meet safely in a public and safe place. what it shows is one to one meets will die away here. way more on here in the last few years won't do one to one meets but I suppose that's a site thing as other sites they will. there is a party meet and greet element to fab that u don't have on tinder pof etc

That is actually a positive for fab. Women tell me they feel way safer meeting with someone from fab than tinder etc."
that's because they're probably meeting them at a party, meet and greet which is a group event. it's why alot of lads falter on fab as many only want 1 2 1 meets. they have no interest in party scene.

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By *agle eyed RobMan
over a year ago

Mallow


"It just goes to prove that we need clubs like Vanilla and RVC where people can meet safely in a public and safe place. what it shows is one to one meets will die away here. way more on here in the last few years won't do one to one meets but I suppose that's a site thing as other sites they will. there is a party meet and greet element to fab that u don't have on tinder pof etc

That is actually a positive for fab. Women tell me they feel way safer meeting with someone from fab than tinder etc.that's because they're probably meeting them at a party, meet and greet which is a group event. it's why alot of lads falter on fab as many only want 1 2 1 meets. they have no interest in party scene. "

Well true swingers should have nothing to hide. I dont think fab was set up to support cheating husbands so if guys are genuine they should not have to worry about going to a legitimate club.

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By *ontbesillywrapyourwillyMan
over a year ago

Tipperary

[Removed by poster at 19/02/22 00:17:51]

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By *ontbesillywrapyourwillyMan
over a year ago

Tipperary


"[Removed by poster at 19/02/22 00:17:51]"
that's the issue. there are plenty on here who are not through, out and out swingers but that doesn't exclude them from being genuine and also they have know interest in the party scene. I think the number of women who won't meet in a one to one fashion is growing on here.

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By *208numeWoman
over a year ago

Navan

This is one of the most informative and helpful threads I’ve read. As a single woman, safety is paramount for me - I’ll be using some of those tips for future meets. Thank you.

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By *illerQueen1Woman
over a year ago

Dublin

[Removed by poster at 19/02/22 16:37:49]

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By *illerQueen1Woman
over a year ago

Dublin

I already use some of the tips mentioned, but some others will be very useful in future meetings.

Thank you for this topic!

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By *ed just Red OP   Woman
over a year ago

Dublin City


"Do everything you can to protect yourself because truly dangerous people are very difficult to spot, often until it’s too late . I used to advise single girls to really test guys before they met, muck them about a bit to see how they react, you know, slow replies, even test them with a ‘you’re not really my type’ and see if they go apeshit "

I think that’s horrible advice.

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By *ontbesillywrapyourwillyMan
over a year ago

Tipperary

[Removed by poster at 19/02/22 18:30:12]

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By *ontbesillywrapyourwillyMan
over a year ago

Tipperary


"Do everything you can to protect yourself because truly dangerous people are very difficult to spot, often until it’s too late . I used to advise single girls to really test guys before they met, muck them about a bit to see how they react, you know, slow replies, even test them with a ‘you’re not really my type’ and see if they go apeshit

I think that’s horrible advice. "
Jesus, there's a sight of a profile pic too brighten up soar eyes.

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By *isspafWoman
over a year ago

Dublin

Great thread.

I really don't understand why guys think its fine to have a first meet with them in their place...

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By *ontbesillywrapyourwillyMan
over a year ago

Tipperary


"Great thread.

I really don't understand why guys think its fine to have a first meet with them in their place...

"
Jesus id never meet in my home full stop.

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By * la carteCouple
over a year ago

Dublin


"that's the issue. there are plenty on here who are not through, out and out swingers but that doesn't exclude them from being genuine and also they have know interest in the party scene. I think the number of women who won't meet in a one to one fashion is growing on here."

I reckon there'll always be women who enjoy meeting others through organised socials and those who prefer to meet publicly for a social one to one because they're not all that interested in the social scene...

When I was a singleton I avoided the social scene and preferred one to one meets.

I would well imagine that I would go back to that if I were to become single again - simply because I'm just not a social butterfly and prefer to be able to connect with someone when getting to know them. I find that easier one to one...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Went for one recently gave my friend the name and address of the house. I don't always do it but i should more often i did feel a bit better for it. I usually stick to parties for meets or public places and do a few socials first.

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By *oft_sexy_sweetWoman
over a year ago

Dublin

I always share name, Fab name and face pic with a friend before meeting with a man - whether I met him on Fab, Tinder or anywhere else. It's the most basic of safety measures, but depressingly, doesn't do anything to actually keep you safe - just allows them to find the bastard if he does murder you

I won't for a second be shamed for any safety measure I choose to take, because the very same men who object to them will also shame women who *don't* take those measures when something does happen. They're only interested in preserving the status quo and don't actually give a shit about women's safety.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I always share name, Fab name and face pic with a friend before meeting with a man - whether I met him on Fab, Tinder or anywhere else. It's the most basic of safety measures, but depressingly, doesn't do anything to actually keep you safe - just allows them to find the bastard if he does murder you

I won't for a second be shamed for any safety measure I choose to take, because the very same men who object to them will also shame women who *don't* take those measures when something does happen. They're only interested in preserving the status quo and don't actually give a shit about women's safety. "

Hey! Welcome back

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By *og-ManMan
over a year ago

somewhere

Some good information here for both sexes in fairness

I don't have a problem with anyone giving my information to a friend to help ensure that they feel safer on a meet

I didn't know about the 2 coffee's thing and always offer to buy the coffee but it's usually on plain sight in a cafe anyway

I did meet someone once in a pub for lunch and they called out her full name when we checked in so another thing to watch out for

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By *ontbesillywrapyourwillyMan
over a year ago

Tipperary


"I always share name, Fab name and face pic with a friend before meeting with a man - whether I met him on Fab, Tinder or anywhere else. It's the most basic of safety measures, but depressingly, doesn't do anything to actually keep you safe - just allows them to find the bastard if he does murder you

I won't for a second be shamed for any safety measure I choose to take, because the very same men who object to them will also shame women who *don't* take those measures when something does happen. They're only interested in preserving the status quo and don't actually give a shit about women's safety. "
I wouldn't agree on a small part. I'd be confident in saying most men on here would totally respect women and wouldn't physically harm her in any way shape or form. I'd hope I'd be right on it anyway.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I always share name, Fab name and face pic with a friend before meeting with a man - whether I met him on Fab, Tinder or anywhere else. It's the most basic of safety measures, but depressingly, doesn't do anything to actually keep you safe - just allows them to find the bastard if he does murder you

I won't for a second be shamed for any safety measure I choose to take, because the very same men who object to them will also shame women who *don't* take those measures when something does happen. They're only interested in preserving the status quo and don't actually give a shit about women's safety. I wouldn't agree on a small part. I'd be confident in saying most men on here would totally respect women and wouldn't physically harm her in any way shape or form. I'd hope I'd be right on it anyway. "

Honestly how the hell would you know lol. You’re one person. You say you’d be confident most wouldn’t and then say you’d hope. Which is it? Mind your make up lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I always share name, Fab name and face pic with a friend before meeting with a man - whether I met him on Fab, Tinder or anywhere else. It's the most basic of safety measures, but depressingly, doesn't do anything to actually keep you safe - just allows them to find the bastard if he does murder you

I won't for a second be shamed for any safety measure I choose to take, because the very same men who object to them will also shame women who *don't* take those measures when something does happen. They're only interested in preserving the status quo and don't actually give a shit about women's safety. I wouldn't agree on a small part. I'd be confident in saying most men on here would totally respect women and wouldn't physically harm her in any way shape or form. I'd hope I'd be right on it anyway. "

Yeah but the thing is that we have to prepare for and anticipate possible violence. It's sad but it's true. We don't know which man is going to be respectful or which one might possibly kill us, and we have to take steps to mitigate the risk.

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By *ussieGuyInDubMan
over a year ago

Docklands


"I always share name, Fab name and face pic with a friend before meeting with a man - whether I met him on Fab, Tinder or anywhere else. It's the most basic of safety measures, but depressingly, doesn't do anything to actually keep you safe - just allows them to find the bastard if he does murder you

I won't for a second be shamed for any safety measure I choose to take, because the very same men who object to them will also shame women who *don't* take those measures when something does happen. They're only interested in preserving the status quo and don't actually give a shit about women's safety. I wouldn't agree on a small part. I'd be confident in saying most men on here would totally respect women and wouldn't physically harm her in any way shape or form. I'd hope I'd be right on it anyway.

Yeah but the thing is that we have to prepare for and anticipate possible violence. It's sad but it's true. We don't know which man is going to be respectful or which one might possibly kill us, and we have to take steps to mitigate the risk."

Not even kill, it's ones who will leave emotional scars because they didn't listen or pay attention, or want to take a chance too early, and they focus solely on their own pleasure. These things can take a lifetime to accept and get over, and ruin a lot of fun for the woman and future partners because someone was selfish.

As men, we often hear and have explained the killing scenario, or other extreme ones, but there's a lot that goes unsaid which also falls into this safety area.

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By *ubal1Man
over a year ago

Newry Down

Clearly this is a fraught subject that needs careful consideration.

A social meet in a public area is wise, but no real guarantee of safety.

Really deceitful people have a game plan and a facade that has been honed over several years, to trap the unwary. Some are extremely good and are almost undetectable.

From my experience, the respect for boundaries has lessened and overstepping the mark, especially at a first social, is a red flag; never to be ignored.

Looking someone in the eye, face to face, is a good way to assess the individual's personality.

Don't rush into anything and trust your gut feeling about the person sitting opposite; if you have had a bad previous experience that may cause you to lose out on potentially good situations through overcautiousness.

Hotel meets are no guarantee of respectful behaviour, and only after several meets or a long standing arrangement should personal meets at one's home be arranged.

It's a fraught subject, but one bad meet could be a really bad one.

On a site like this, one's reputation is everything and is hard won but easily lost. Word gets around very quickly.

Everyone has been burned at some stage, but the key is to emerge reasonably intact; I had a situation where an individual was becoming increasingly destabilised a few years ago and make some unfounded accusations of a minor trjvial nature.

I had taken precautions to protect myself; one needs to be very careful especially when dealing with people who are highly attractive at the outset, but can turn nasty when they have got what they want; or more importantly are not getting what they want.

Trust your gut feelings; if it all seems too good to be true, it probably is, and walk away, then ghost or block.

If it has turned really nasty, contact the police or Garda Siochana.

That enables the authorities to join the dots; a lot of incidents are never reported and the misbahaviour escalates.

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By *ontbesillywrapyourwillyMan
over a year ago

Tipperary


"I always share name, Fab name and face pic with a friend before meeting with a man - whether I met him on Fab, Tinder or anywhere else. It's the most basic of safety measures, but depressingly, doesn't do anything to actually keep you safe - just allows them to find the bastard if he does murder you

I won't for a second be shamed for any safety measure I choose to take, because the very same men who object to them will also shame women who *don't* take those measures when something does happen. They're only interested in preserving the status quo and don't actually give a shit about women's safety. I wouldn't agree on a small part. I'd be confident in saying most men on here would totally respect women and wouldn't physically harm her in any way shape or form. I'd hope I'd be right on it anyway.

Honestly how the hell would you know lol. You’re one person. You say you’d be confident most wouldn’t and then say you’d hope. Which is it? Mind your make up lol

"
so the vast majority of men on the site are lunatics? I would doubt that very very much same way as most men in the everyday world have the upmost respect for women.

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By *ontbesillywrapyourwillyMan
over a year ago

Tipperary


"I always share name, Fab name and face pic with a friend before meeting with a man - whether I met him on Fab, Tinder or anywhere else. It's the most basic of safety measures, but depressingly, doesn't do anything to actually keep you safe - just allows them to find the bastard if he does murder you

I won't for a second be shamed for any safety measure I choose to take, because the very same men who object to them will also shame women who *don't* take those measures when something does happen. They're only interested in preserving the status quo and don't actually give a shit about women's safety. I wouldn't agree on a small part. I'd be confident in saying most men on here would totally respect women and wouldn't physically harm her in any way shape or form. I'd hope I'd be right on it anyway.

Yeah but the thing is that we have to prepare for and anticipate possible violence. It's sad but it's true. We don't know which man is going to be respectful or which one might possibly kill us, and we have to take steps to mitigate the risk."
that's fair enough.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I always share name, Fab name and face pic with a friend before meeting with a man - whether I met him on Fab, Tinder or anywhere else. It's the most basic of safety measures, but depressingly, doesn't do anything to actually keep you safe - just allows them to find the bastard if he does murder you

I won't for a second be shamed for any safety measure I choose to take, because the very same men who object to them will also shame women who *don't* take those measures when something does happen. They're only interested in preserving the status quo and don't actually give a shit about women's safety. I wouldn't agree on a small part. I'd be confident in saying most men on here would totally respect women and wouldn't physically harm her in any way shape or form. I'd hope I'd be right on it anyway.

Honestly how the hell would you know lol. You’re one person. You say you’d be confident most wouldn’t and then say you’d hope. Which is it? Mind your make up lol

so the vast majority of men on the site are lunatics? I would doubt that very very much same way as most men in the everyday world have the upmost respect for women. "

That's what you're not getting. We have to assume that every man has the potential for lunacy, at least.

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By *ontbesillywrapyourwillyMan
over a year ago

Tipperary


"I always share name, Fab name and face pic with a friend before meeting with a man - whether I met him on Fab, Tinder or anywhere else. It's the most basic of safety measures, but depressingly, doesn't do anything to actually keep you safe - just allows them to find the bastard if he does murder you

I won't for a second be shamed for any safety measure I choose to take, because the very same men who object to them will also shame women who *don't* take those measures when something does happen. They're only interested in preserving the status quo and don't actually give a shit about women's safety. I wouldn't agree on a small part. I'd be confident in saying most men on here would totally respect women and wouldn't physically harm her in any way shape or form. I'd hope I'd be right on it anyway.

Honestly how the hell would you know lol. You’re one person. You say you’d be confident most wouldn’t and then say you’d hope. Which is it? Mind your make up lol

so the vast majority of men on the site are lunatics? I would doubt that very very much same way as most men in the everyday world have the upmost respect for women.

That's what you're not getting. We have to assume that every man has the potential for lunacy, at least."
I understand totally what you're saying. I'm just saying,there is way more good men out there than an odd few bad eggs.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I always share name, Fab name and face pic with a friend before meeting with a man - whether I met him on Fab, Tinder or anywhere else. It's the most basic of safety measures, but depressingly, doesn't do anything to actually keep you safe - just allows them to find the bastard if he does murder you

I won't for a second be shamed for any safety measure I choose to take, because the very same men who object to them will also shame women who *don't* take those measures when something does happen. They're only interested in preserving the status quo and don't actually give a shit about women's safety. I wouldn't agree on a small part. I'd be confident in saying most men on here would totally respect women and wouldn't physically harm her in any way shape or form. I'd hope I'd be right on it anyway.

Honestly how the hell would you know lol. You’re one person. You say you’d be confident most wouldn’t and then say you’d hope. Which is it? Mind your make up lol

so the vast majority of men on the site are lunatics? I would doubt that very very much same way as most men in the everyday world have the upmost respect for women.

That's what you're not getting. We have to assume that every man has the potential for lunacy, at least.I understand totally what you're saying. I'm just saying,there is way more good men out there than an odd few bad eggs."

Oh absolutely there are some amazing men out there. But unfortunately we don't know who the good ones are upfront :/

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I always share name, Fab name and face pic with a friend before meeting with a man - whether I met him on Fab, Tinder or anywhere else. It's the most basic of safety measures, but depressingly, doesn't do anything to actually keep you safe - just allows them to find the bastard if he does murder you

I won't for a second be shamed for any safety measure I choose to take, because the very same men who object to them will also shame women who *don't* take those measures when something does happen. They're only interested in preserving the status quo and don't actually give a shit about women's safety. I wouldn't agree on a small part. I'd be confident in saying most men on here would totally respect women and wouldn't physically harm her in any way shape or form. I'd hope I'd be right on it anyway.

Honestly how the hell would you know lol. You’re one person. You say you’d be confident most wouldn’t and then say you’d hope. Which is it? Mind your make up lol

so the vast majority of men on the site are lunatics? I would doubt that very very much same way as most men in the everyday world have the upmost respect for women. "

Can you show me where I said the vast majority lol?

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By *ubal1Man
over a year ago

Newry Down

Trust your intuition!

On a couple of occasions I have played along with dodgy situations, that I instinctively knew were going to turn sour very quickly; but not enough to place me in danger.

Very educational, but you need to have your wits about you; in one scenario I bolted from the house after checking, on entry, that there were no mortice locks fitted to the door.

In another, I checked with a reliable third party who gave me a very severe warning about what could happen; and had previously happened to others!

The person revelealed their inherent pesonality, then came back again-a tactic known as hoovering-and again revealed their inherent nature. After that, I terminated all contact with them and their cronies.

Very educational; I am by nature a giver; but today acquisitiveness is more the norm; regrettably!

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By *xplicitMan
over a year ago

donegal

Only back in here after a few days and noticed I got slated for my advice, I’ll not sleep, honestly.

But seriously folks, there are very very few long term swingers (mostly females/couples) who haven’t picked up a really dodgy contact they regret in their fab travels. I re-iterate, do everything you can you can to keep yourself safe because some of the sweeping generalisations that assume good character in those that can compose a half decent paragraph are just dangerous.

To repeat, the truly dangerous ones are feckin hard to spot.

Other than that, carry on , see yas in another few days

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By *3nsesMan
over a year ago

Dublin


"I re-iterate, do everything you can you can to keep yourself safe because some of the sweeping generalisations that assume good character in those that can compose a half decent paragraph are just dangerous."

I wouldn't necessarily say people should do everything they can to keep themselves safe. Some of that advice will end up probably having the opposite desire.

I don't mean to flog a deadhorse here but I'd categories your advice as being along those lines.

By playing games/rejecting a guy just to see his reaction etc you might eliminate a few of the "dangerous" idiots but you also eliminate the vast majority of decent normal guys as they won't put with that kind of behaviour. The biggest problem is you even catch the dangerous sensible people who will simply take the rejection on the chin because they know that's how there meant to do it.

The one way for people to really keep themselves safe is to stop meeting people alone. If I reach a place where I needed to go through the steps someone people on here do then there is no way I'd ever meeting any stranger in a one-to-situation.

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By *ontbesillywrapyourwillyMan
over a year ago

Tipperary


"I re-iterate, do everything you can you can to keep yourself safe because some of the sweeping generalisations that assume good character in those that can compose a half decent paragraph are just dangerous.

I wouldn't necessarily say people should do everything they can to keep themselves safe. Some of that advice will end up probably having the opposite desire.

I don't mean to flog a deadhorse here but I'd categories your advice as being along those lines.

By playing games/rejecting a guy just to see his reaction etc you might eliminate a few of the "dangerous" idiots but you also eliminate the vast majority of decent normal guys as they won't put with that kind of behaviour. The biggest problem is you even catch the dangerous sensible people who will simply take the rejection on the chin because they know that's how there meant to do it.

The one way for people to really keep themselves safe is to stop meeting people alone. If I reach a place where I needed to go through the steps someone people on here do then there is no way I'd ever meeting any stranger in a one-to-situation."
100 %%. spot on.

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By *ilthyNightsCouple
over a year ago

East / North, Cork


"Only back in here after a few days and noticed I got slated for my advice, I’ll not sleep, honestly.

But seriously folks, there are very very few long term swingers (mostly females/couples) who haven’t picked up a really dodgy contact they regret in their fab travels. I re-iterate, do everything you can you can to keep yourself safe because some of the sweeping generalisations that assume good character in those that can compose a half decent paragraph are just dangerous.

To repeat, the truly dangerous ones are feckin hard to spot.

Other than that, carry on , see yas in another few days "

Id be surprised if there are many long time swingers who haven't come across any dodgy characters.

We have had guys who thought D/s meant Laura likes to be driven in silence up to the Wicklow mountain's for god knows what, who she needed to talk down... and those who tried to throw her contraception away, and those who keep calling and messaging constantly and just won't take no for an answer. They are a minority, but they are an ever-present factor.

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By *ed just Red OP   Woman
over a year ago

Dublin City

Wow. Thank goodness for all the posts explaining the theory of safety.

Thanks so much.

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By *3nsesMan
over a year ago

Dublin


"Wow. Thank goodness for all the posts explaining the theory of safety.

Thanks so much. "

Given some of the advice and information posted about steps people take then a discussion on the theory of safety is badly needed tbh. What most people undertake is basically steps in anxiety management/reducing anxiety and has very little benefit towards actually maintaining a person's safety.

As someone above summer it up - this steps will come in useful for catching the killer, not from preventing it though.

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