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By *asual777 OP   Man
over a year ago

i travel all over

I know this is the second thread of the day but

A platonic female fabber friend asked me to start this (presumably because I like starting threads)

She is having a very meh week or two , maybe longer

A crap anniversary.

A break up of a long term fwb arrangement

Difficulties in getting away to a spa or anything like that due to various responsibilities

And she just wouldn’t mind some advice

How do get yourself out of feeling a bit rubbish ?

When you can’t get away ?

And don’t fancy a quick hook up

When you want something a bit more meaningful to get you out of a rut ?

She ll be reading your suggestions

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By *lassy lady 216Woman
over a year ago

Craigavon

I always find a bit of retail therapy helps me or put your favourite music on and dance round the house go out for a walk cook something nice for dinner buy ypurself something you love ie flowers or a plant take pleasure and enjoy the little things

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Go dog walking with a friend

Read a book

Know that it's just a feeling and it will pass

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By *ummer_XOWoman
over a year ago

Tyrone

Definitely just sit with your thoughts & feelings for a bit. Self care helps, bath, shower & a wee face mask or good book. Just be present and remember it's a rough/bad time but not a bad life. Maybe make some future plans & just curl up on the sofa, zone out with some telly & chill. Big hugs xx

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By *lamingo57Woman
over a year ago

Carrick

Exercise is a big one for me but I appreciate she mightn't be in the form.

Definitely a bit of retail therapy if funds allow.

Girls night. I don't drink but manys a night I've been designed driver or host for wine and a takeaway with my girlfriends.

Remembering I'm a bad ass b*itch

But most of all, accepting that the feelings are shit, and allowing myself to feel them. This too shall pass.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 15/02/22 17:04:41]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Step away from here and focus on what's important, herself. It's easy to get caught up in all the fuss and drama but sometimes taking a step back from it all and minding yourself is important. I took a week off work lately and just relaxed, took time out to treat myself said no to a few people.

One of the biggest things I find that make me spiral or get down is comparison, do I've stopped everyone has issues and crap stuff going on and I've always hated been told " on there's people worse off than you" but in all truth it's actually true so everyday I keep a gratitude journal and even if it's only one thing I'm grateful for I write it down.

So my advice is take a step back, look at your behaviour and accept what you are doing or not doing, cut people out that are no benefit to your life, ie toxic people

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Great that she can turn to you Casual. I lost someone very close to me recently and looking back I buried my head in work so I wouldn't have time to think or talk about it with anyone. That came to a head around Xmas when I was off and all of the stuff I had avoided hit me at once. I was a shell for two weeks. As tough as it is, facing bad shit head on, talking it out. Some days will be bed days, some will be a walk, a drink, a good laugh with a friend or a great evening with a fabber!

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By *easingTimMan
over a year ago

Loughlinstown

She's obvioulsy opened up to you Op and that says a lot about you right there so fairplay

Myself, I've a few platonic female friends and nothing as healthy as a hike with a friend, coffee, good chat and lunch at the end of it

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By * la carteCouple
over a year ago

Dublin

I'm sorry to hear your friend is feeling miserable. Sometimes life sucks and it is good to sit with those feelings and allow them...they will pass, as quite a few have said.

More meaningful things to do to get out of a rut? It really depends what your friend usually enjoys... retail therapy for me would be torture, for example!

Remember also, we're coming into spring, the days are getting longer and warmer. That will help with mood.

Exercise is great for a boost, be that a walk in nature, a cycle, hill walking or going to the gym for a decent session - maybe with a girlfriend to have a laugh with...?

Self care is crucial when feeling low...a meal out with friends, a natter with someone close who understands, switch off electronics, meditate, yoga, mindfulness...a bath with essential oils (grapefruit is great for lifting the spirits, used for SAD, though always check for allergies and other contraindications). I'm an aromatherapist, she's welcome to message me for advice (no ulterior motive!!!).

Book in for a beauty treatment or massage... something that she thinks will make her feel better.

I do hope your friend finds her Mojo real soon

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By *oo32Man
over a year ago

tipperary

Music...

Walking....

Screaming f##kkkkkkkkkk

A chat with friends

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By *rad25irlMan
over a year ago

Carrigaline

Don’t underestimate the power of the mind and mindfulness to be more specific.

I would have scoffed at that and the thought of meditation only a cpl short years ago but can vouch for how rewarding it can be - especially in the face of adversity !

Finding peach and happiness in oneself is a very powerful tool. I appreciate it it’s not a quick fix solution (retail therapy, going to movies or just getting out for walks / runs as suggested by other Posters are all really good suggestions for the short term)

If she wants a more lasting and energising solution then that would be my advice…

there’s loads of mindfulness or mediation on YouTube and I’d highly recommend searching for Eckhart Tolle and also Abraham Hicks (really positive stuff that’s so easy and makes so much sense)

Anyway - the great news is that better times are always ahead of us …. I hope your friend is able to navigate this rut safely and quickly and she starts to feel better, happier & positive real soon.

Sending positive vibes her way!!

Hope some of this - and the other posters responses - have helped in some way

Namaste ??

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I like to go on three different types of walk to help clear my head and reset:

With one someone to get to know and natter

Solo in silence

Solo with pick me up music playing.

Hope they can find their own way out.

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By *ligolad321Man
over a year ago

Donegal

A tale i read many years ago that completely changed my outlook on life. I hope your friend finds some solace in it..

A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, he wordlessly picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was.

The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.

The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with a unanimous ‘yes’.

The professor then produced two Beers from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar effectively filling the empty space between the sand.The students laughed.

‘Now,’ said the professor as the laughter subsided, ‘I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things—your family, your children, your health, your friends and your favorite passions—and if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full. The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house and your car. The sand is everything else—the small stuff. ‘If you put the sand into the jar first,’ he continued, ‘there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls.

The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff you will never have room for the things that are important to you. Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Spend time with your children. Spend time with your parents. Visit with grandparents. Take your friend out to dinner.

There will always be time to clean the house and mow the lawn. Take care of the golf balls first—the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand.

One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the Beer represented. The professor smiled and said, ‘I’m glad you asked.’ The Beer just shows you that no matter how full your life may seem, there’s always room for a couple of Beers with a friend.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"A tale i read many years ago that completely changed my outlook on life. I hope your friend finds some solace in it..

A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, he wordlessly picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was.

The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.

The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with a unanimous ‘yes’.

The professor then produced two Beers from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar effectively filling the empty space between the sand.The students laughed.

‘Now,’ said the professor as the laughter subsided, ‘I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things—your family, your children, your health, your friends and your favorite passions—and if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full. The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house and your car. The sand is everything else—the small stuff. ‘If you put the sand into the jar first,’ he continued, ‘there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls.

The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff you will never have room for the things that are important to you. Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Spend time with your children. Spend time with your parents. Visit with grandparents. Take your friend out to dinner.

There will always be time to clean the house and mow the lawn. Take care of the golf balls first—the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand.

One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the Beer represented. The professor smiled and said, ‘I’m glad you asked.’ The Beer just shows you that no matter how full your life may seem, there’s always room for a couple of Beers with a friend."

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By *eginaGWoman
over a year ago

D8

I have three ‘go-to’ activities when I’m in that ‘stuck in a rut and need to act’ mindset…

Create something (me personally, I get creative with flowers/flower arranging etc)

Do a deed for someone else (I call to my elderly neighbour, see if I can help her out with anything)

Experience something (something new or immersive, go to a show, a gig, movie or art gallery, or something outdoors. Anything that floats your boat)

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By *laymates30Couple
over a year ago

The West

Agree with a lot of the above posts. Exercise (walking outside even) helps a lot. Meditation is good, the Calm app is worth downloading. And sometimes you have to just sit with it, accept that it’s shit just now, but also that it will get better. That helps a lot.

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By *ubal1Man
over a year ago

Newry Down

A long walk in a forest, aka forest bathing, lifts one's spirits with the hour.

To be thoroughly recommended for everyone feeling down, deprived or in recovery from those vicissitudes of life!

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By *affa31Woman
over a year ago

Galway

Sit with your emotions, identify them and they usually stop shouting so loud.

For me, being by the beach helps but it will be different for everyone.

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By *organ DeanWoman
over a year ago

Belfast

You're a good friend Casual, I'm glad your friend has you to talk to.

I have a few go to things to get me out of a funk but my main one is to go for a walk with Ludovico Einaudi in my ears so that I can think without the silence and not be distracted by my own singing.

Then if the funk is particularly horrendous I do Les Mills Body combat 77. I took a screen recording of it before I cancelled my subscription. There is nothing like punching the shit out of your demons to make you feel better.

Kitchen disco. I do this one a lot. Lizzo is my feel good artist.

Feel your feelings, acknowledging them takes away their power. Give the feelings a name and write about when you're feeling shite, preferably in a bath or at least cosy jammies.

Cut out whatever is detracting from your life. If its not enhancing your life, it detracts from it.

Love and lollypops x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Cut out whatever is detracting from your life. If its not enhancing your life, it detracts from it.

This is the best advice ever

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By *organ DeanWoman
over a year ago

Belfast


" Cut out whatever is detracting from your life. If its not enhancing your life, it detracts from it.

This is the best advice ever "

I say it a lot, I'm going to get it cross-stitched on a cushion

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By *og-ManMan
over a year ago

somewhere


" Cut out whatever is detracting from your life. If its not enhancing your life, it detracts from it.

This is the best advice ever

I say it a lot, I'm going to get it cross-stitched on a cushion "

Why do I think you'd cross stitch it on a mans chest

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Step away from here and focus on what's important, herself. It's easy to get caught up in all the fuss and drama but sometimes taking a step back from it all and minding yourself is important. I took a week off work lately and just relaxed, took time out to treat myself said no to a few people.

One of the biggest things I find that make me spiral or get down is comparison, do I've stopped everyone has issues and crap stuff going on and I've always hated been told " on there's people worse off than you" but in all truth it's actually true so everyday I keep a gratitude journal and even if it's only one thing I'm grateful for I write it down.

So my advice is take a step back, look at your behaviour and accept what you are doing or not doing, cut people out that are no benefit to your life, ie toxic people"

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By *organ DeanWoman
over a year ago

Belfast


" Cut out whatever is detracting from your life. If its not enhancing your life, it detracts from it.

This is the best advice ever

I say it a lot, I'm going to get it cross-stitched on a cushion

Why do I think you'd cross stitch it on a mans chest "

I love that you think so highly of me

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


" Cut out whatever is detracting from your life. If its not enhancing your life, it detracts from it.

This is the best advice ever

I say it a lot, I'm going to get it cross-stitched on a cushion

Why do I think you'd cross stitch it on a mans chest

I love that you think so highly of me "

Does that mean you can't cross stitch?

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By *organ DeanWoman
over a year ago

Belfast


" Cut out whatever is detracting from your life. If its not enhancing your life, it detracts from it.

This is the best advice ever

I say it a lot, I'm going to get it cross-stitched on a cushion

Why do I think you'd cross stitch it on a mans chest

I love that you think so highly of me

Does that mean you can't cross stitch? "

I absolutely can, are you offering to be a canvas?

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By *illiwontiCouple
over a year ago

Midlands

Step sway from any alcoholic drinks, its brings on melancholy feelings when in this rut, listen to feel good music (no sad songs) try remember good ones..up beat ones... make yourself have an orgasm (maybe in the bath by yourself it releases all those hormones), there is always time for self care... (that half hour on the internet scrolling through shit,) cud be the half hour in the bath listening to music.stay away from negative people...

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By *asual777 OP   Man
over a year ago

i travel all over

Some really lovely bits of advice

I haven’t written to her to check how she is finding the thread to read as she might need a bit of time to reflect but i suspect it’s a comforting read alright

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By *ilthyNightsCouple
over a year ago

East / North, Cork

FWB relationship over and looking for something meaningful?

Not looking for a hookup?

Hide your profile and stop logging on here for a start.

This place is full of people who don't have your best interests at heart. Take a break away from here and do something with people who really care about you. You will learn that your FWB wasn't that important in your life. Surround yourself with people who love you for you rather than those who want something from you.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 16/02/22 09:28:37]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

I love that you think so highly of me

Does that mean you can't cross stitch?

I absolutely can, are you offering to be a canvas? "

That I am not, never been a big pain fan personally. But nice to know you have dexterous hands.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've always found that until I let the emotions out - until I've acknowledged them, accepted them and worked through them, allowed then to run their course - everything else is just a sticking plaster. After that, some self care and generally being easy on myself in whatever form that takes.

Hope your friend is feeling better soon Casual

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