FabSwingers.com forum: is it only women that use sex to control a partner ?

By *aislean313 OP Man
over a year ago

Tallaght

Just wondering about peoples views on how access to sex can be used to control / punish a partner - is it only women who do it ? Are women able to control their sexual desires better than men ?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Just wondering about peoples views on how access to sex can be used to control / punish a partner - is it only women who do it ? Are women able to control their sexual desires better than men ? "

Wouldn't have thought it was only women that do this?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ilderMan
over a year ago

dublin

All I can say is I've never done it to women but it's been done to me in a couple of past relationships. It's no fun, I'd prefer if they had just said what the problem was instead of the mind games.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *3nsesMan
over a year ago

Dublin

I'd say it's rare because I'm not sure that many guys would consciously be willing to go without sex simply to control someone. Much more common for woman because it's much more likely to be "successfully". In saying that, most people who engage in that kind of insidious behaviour often don't see it that way.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *asual777Man
over a year ago

i travel all over

There is a lot written on this from bait and switch (if only you did more housework , then if only x or only y we d have more sex) to reset sex (a temporary increase in frequency which is meaningless in the long term but gives the impression of improvement).

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"There is a lot written on this from bait and switch (if only you did more housework , then if only x or only y we d have more sex) to reset sex (a temporary increase in frequency which is meaningless in the long term but gives the impression of improvement). "

Well housework can be done without involving your partner

https://youtu.be/5_uYPBYJ0Ek

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No. Men use it as well. Sexual violence etc.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"No. Men use it as well. Sexual violence etc. "

Humiliating and degrading a partner, giving attention to others to make a partner insecure, faking making the effort in a relationship to gain access to sex....

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ustBoWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in Co. Down

No men can use it as well as a way to control or humiliate a partner.I had an ex who used it in different ways depending on his mood, the last time he did was the reason I finally got out of the relationship .

There's a big difference as well between someone who has gone off sex with a partner for whatever reason and those that use it as way to humiliate and control someone. It's important to know the difference .It's the narccistic ones who use it as a weapon against others and it's not usually just sex they use .

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *arajeanCouple
over a year ago

mayo

If you have to use sex as control what's the point in being togeather

Jean

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"No. Men use it as well. Sexual violence etc.

Humiliating and degrading a partner, giving attention to others to make a partner insecure, faking making the effort in a relationship to gain access to sex.... "

Great examples as well.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *dfabMan
over a year ago

Dunboyne

Not sure why sexual violence was brought into a conversation about witholding sex but anyways

Yes, I've done it.

I know! A man saying No!

However, if you have been in a relationship where the same has been dealt to you, I see it as a fair response.

Spend 6mths with someone who refuses to respond to your cooking, cleaning, wining n dining them and tentative touches which get rejected.

Then suddenly one night they get gripped by The Horn and think you'll be so greatful and needy that you'll submit.

F off!

Ok, it worked a few times but I've since copped on and it didn't the last time. She wasn't happy, to say the least.

A few conversations occurred but still not back to anything like"normal service" and 3mths since any copulation happened.

The trials and tribulations of a marriage that happened before Fab

I'm hoping for a Christmas bonus though

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ubal1Man
over a year ago

Newry Down

"No men can use it as well as a way to control or humiliate a partner.I had an ex who used it in different ways depending on his mood, the last time he did was the reason I finally got out of the relationship .

Disordered individuals of either gender will use any means at their disposal to implement their dysfunctional agenda.

Civility, decency and respect are not their norm; control, putdowns, humiliation, bullying, smearing, irritability, liability (moodiness) are their normal repertoire of behaviour.

Once detected, from my experience, no contact is the best solution. Total eradication from one's life.

These damaged people do not change; any promises of change do not materialise. Nastiness is ingrained within their dead souls; narcissists are empty inside.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *asual777Man
over a year ago

i travel all over

"Not sure why sexual violence was brought into a conversation about witholding sex but anyways

Yes, I've done it.

I know! A man saying No!

However, if you have been in a relationship where the same has been dealt to you, I see it as a fair response.

Spend 6mths with someone who refuses to respond to your cooking, cleaning, wining n dining them and tentative touches which get rejected.

Then suddenly one night they get gripped by The Horn and think you'll be so greatful and needy that you'll submit.

F off!

Ok, it worked a few times but I've since copped on and it didn't the last time. She wasn't happy, to say the least.

A few conversations occurred but still not back to anything like"normal service" and 3mths since any copulation happened.

The trials and tribulations of a marriage that happened before Fab

I'm hoping for a Christmas bonus though

I never understand how your response to your situation can be perceived as black and white , good or bad , right and wrong, when there are all the complexities and subtleties which no one knows about . I genuinely don’t think that I can judge an online forumite’s situation and what they’re going through . What people do is their business . There are several appropriate responses in my view which you can adopt in 2022 and which one you choose is your business and no one else’s. The one thing i will say is that everything I have read on this suggests that the game changer (sorry) is contempt . Once you have contempt in a relationship there may be no going back

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Speaking only from my experience I’d have to agree with the op on this. It was done to me in my marriage.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *iery minxWoman
over a year ago

kildare

Men can and do withold sex from their partner just as much as a woman can. It is a universal thing and not just possible for one gender to do. It is usually used as a way of control. I will admit to doing it within my marriage but for me it was never about wanting to control him it was the simple fact of once the person has been violent towards you there was no way I wanted him near me let alone anything else.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *anther PurrrsWoman
over a year ago

the Shadows Purrring or Roaring

"No. Men use it as well. Sexual violence etc.

Humiliating and degrading a partner, giving attention to others to make a partner insecure, faking making the effort in a relationship to gain access to sex.... "

100% agree

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Humiliating and degrading a partner, giving attention to others to make a partner insecure, faking making the effort in a relationship to gain access to sex....

100% agree "

Unfortunately this is so true

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *organ DeanWoman
over a year ago

Belfast

An ex didn't want to have sex with me & loved seeing me frustrated. This was not a kink as far as I know bc there was no follow through, with me at least.

So when he did initiate the odd time, I said no not to be controlling but bc he didn't make me feel good.

Took me years to allow myself the risk of being sexual.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Not sure why sexual violence was brought into a conversation about witholding sex but anyways

Yes, I've done it.

I know! A man saying No!

However, if you have been in a relationship where the same has been dealt to you, I see it as a fair response.

Spend 6mths with someone who refuses to respond to your cooking, cleaning, wining n dining them and tentative touches which get rejected.

Then suddenly one night they get gripped by The Horn and think you'll be so greatful and needy that you'll submit.

F off!

Ok, it worked a few times but I've since copped on and it didn't the last time. She wasn't happy, to say the least.

A few conversations occurred but still not back to anything like"normal service" and 3mths since any copulation happened.

The trials and tribulations of a marriage that happened before Fab

I'm hoping for a Christmas bonus though

The original post asked was sex used to control/punish the other person. This would fall under those especially ones in abusive situations

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *3nsesMan
over a year ago

Dublin

The OP is actually a bit confusing. The question in the title is different to the question in the post. Control using sex would constitute a much wider variety of actions compared to control through access of sex.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *inkywife1981Couple
over a year ago

A town near you

Lol I think most women use sex as an incentive in relationships.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Men can and do withold sex from their partner just as much as a woman can. It is a universal thing and not just possible for one gender to do. It is usually used as a way of control. I will admit to doing it within my marriage but for me it was never about wanting to control him it was the simple fact of once the person has been violent towards you there was no way I wanted him near me let alone anything else."

I agree with this it's the mental, emotional and financial aswell as physical or sexual. When this is involved it's a huge turn off for sex.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A sexual relationship or even a platonic relationship can be difficult even if the two people in it want the same thing. Things get in the way. Seems the stronger the connection, the less it takes to throw it off course. In that case control can be a two way thing.

Most times there is your side of the story, your side of the story and the truth.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *agle eyed RobMan
over a year ago

Mallow

"All I can say is I've never done it to women but it's been done to me in a couple of past relationships. It's no fun, I'd prefer if they had just said what the problem was instead of the mind games. "

Have been on the receiving end of this in a past relationship and believe me its not nice. Its a control thing so i finally got the courage to end it..best thing i ever did.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

Post new Message to Thread