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The Grieving Process

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By *elfastStud OP   Man
over a year ago

Belfast

I sadly lost my father quite suddenly at the beginning of this month. As if this year hasn’t been bad enough! It’s the first time I’ve lost someone this close to me.

Anyone that’s been through this, have you got any tips about how to cope during such a difficult time as losing a parent? And does it get easier with time?

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By *rankbMan
over a year ago

around

Sorry to hear your sad news. Losing my dad was probably the most traumatic thing I ever went through - I was a mess for so long….Even though I didn’t get on with him for most of my adult life!!

Most helpful thing someone said to me when I lost my father was - it’s normal to be upset, and it’s normal for it to hit you out of the blue. Sounds obvious, but I appreciated it being said. Focus on the good memories and good times together. The moments of upset do pass but the loss doesn’t.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I sadly lost my father quite suddenly at the beginning of this month. As if this year hasn’t been bad enough! It’s the first time I’ve lost someone this close to me.

Anyone that’s been through this, have you got any tips about how to cope during such a difficult time as losing a parent? And does it get easier with time? "

Sorry for your loss, if you listen to Spotify, Brian dowling did a great podcast when he lost his mum , have heard some very good reviews of it.

Mind yourself x

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By *elfastStud OP   Man
over a year ago

Belfast


"I sadly lost my father quite suddenly at the beginning of this month. As if this year hasn’t been bad enough! It’s the first time I’ve lost someone this close to me.

Anyone that’s been through this, have you got any tips about how to cope during such a difficult time as losing a parent? And does it get easier with time?

Sorry for your loss, if you listen to Spotify, Brian dowling did a great podcast when he lost his mum , have heard some very good reviews of it.

Mind yourself x"

Will definitely give that a listen, thank you!

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By *allyWally19Woman
over a year ago

The Road to Nowhere


"I sadly lost my father quite suddenly at the beginning of this month. As if this year hasn’t been bad enough! It’s the first time I’ve lost someone this close to me.

Anyone that’s been through this, have you got any tips about how to cope during such a difficult time as losing a parent? And does it get easier with time? "

Hey OP,

I'm so sorry for your loss.

Unfortunately, there's no tips or tricks that's going to ease your grief but what I will say is talk about it, allow yourself to be upset & feel sad about it. We quite often want to be strong for those around us but this can (in my experience) lead to you not dealing with your own grief.

I'd love to tell you the longing to see them/hear them/get their advice/or eve get a clatter from them lol, lessens over time. It sadly doesn't. You will always miss them & want them. But I promise you, over time, it does indeed get easier to live with.

Be good to yourself OP & reach out where you need to xoxo

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By *elfastStud OP   Man
over a year ago

Belfast


"I sadly lost my father quite suddenly at the beginning of this month. As if this year hasn’t been bad enough! It’s the first time I’ve lost someone this close to me.

Anyone that’s been through this, have you got any tips about how to cope during such a difficult time as losing a parent? And does it get easier with time?

Hey OP,

I'm so sorry for your loss.

Unfortunately, there's no tips or tricks that's going to ease your grief but what I will say is talk about it, allow yourself to be upset & feel sad about it. We quite often want to be strong for those around us but this can (in my experience) lead to you not dealing with your own grief.

I'd love to tell you the longing to see them/hear them/get their advice/or eve get a clatter from them lol, lessens over time. It sadly doesn't. You will always miss them & want them. But I promise you, over time, it does indeed get easier to live with.

Be good to yourself OP & reach out where you need to xoxo "

“ We quite often want to be strong for those around us but this can (in my experience) lead to you not dealing with your own grief.”

This is exactly what I’m going through right now. I am generally a very stoic & emotionally stable person, maybe sometimes to the point of being emotionally stunted or at least aloof. But I have a big family with 6 siblings and I am trying to be strong for them, particularly my 3 sisters (2 of which are younger for me). I have of course shed plenty of tears myself but more so on the day he died and at the funeral a couple of weeks ago.. those few days were quite cathartic. Since then I’ve felt numb, for lack of a better word.. I don’t know how else to describe it but I’m not myself.

Since then I have only cried twice and one of those times was on my own. I don’t consciously do so but I have a tendency to put up walls in front of others. I do find it difficult to open up, I suppose I’m afraid of what it might reveal if I really dive deep.. and I don’t like feeling like I’m a drain on other people’s happiness.

I put most of my energy into sport & exercise to give myself goals to work towards and make myself feel better, but my routine has been badly affected by the grieving process and having to be there for my family more than usual.

And as a result I’ve relied on hedonism alone. Physical touch can certainly help and it is as great a source of happiness as any, but I do wonder if my reliance on it is causing me more problems in the long-term or if I should be doing more to explore my thoughts and feelings rather than seeking pleasure to distract myself

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By *ohng69Man
over a year ago

athenry

I lost my father 5 years ago last week. He had been ill so it didn't come as a shock but it was very tough nonetheless. Everyone deals with death differently so it's hard to say how you're going to deal with it. Take the advice the others have given and my advice is to get outside as much as possible. Think about him and all the good times you had, don't be afraid to cry and feel down but get plenty of fresh air and don't turn to alcohol to help you cope.

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By *allyWally19Woman
over a year ago

The Road to Nowhere


"I sadly lost my father quite suddenly at the beginning of this month. As if this year hasn’t been bad enough! It’s the first time I’ve lost someone this close to me.

Anyone that’s been through this, have you got any tips about how to cope during such a difficult time as losing a parent? And does it get easier with time?

Hey OP,

I'm so sorry for your loss.

Unfortunately, there's no tips or tricks that's going to ease your grief but what I will say is talk about it, allow yourself to be upset & feel sad about it. We quite often want to be strong for those around us but this can (in my experience) lead to you not dealing with your own grief.

I'd love to tell you the longing to see them/hear them/get their advice/or eve get a clatter from them lol, lessens over time. It sadly doesn't. You will always miss them & want them. But I promise you, over time, it does indeed get easier to live with.

Be good to yourself OP & reach out where you need to xoxo

“ We quite often want to be strong for those around us but this can (in my experience) lead to you not dealing with your own grief.”

This is exactly what I’m going through right now. I am generally a very stoic & emotionally stable person, maybe sometimes to the point of being emotionally stunted or at least aloof. But I have a big family with 6 siblings and I am trying to be strong for them, particularly my 3 sisters (2 of which are younger for me). I have of course shed plenty of tears myself but more so on the day he died and at the funeral a couple of weeks ago.. those few days were quite cathartic. Since then I’ve felt numb, for lack of a better word.. I don’t know how else to describe it but I’m not myself.

Since then I have only cried twice and one of those times was on my own. I don’t consciously do so but I have a tendency to put up walls in front of others. I do find it difficult to open up, I suppose I’m afraid of what it might reveal if I really dive deep.. and I don’t like feeling like I’m a drain on other people’s happiness.

I put most of my energy into sport & exercise to give myself goals to work towards and make myself feel better, but my routine has been badly affected by the grieving process and having to be there for my family more than usual.

And as a result I’ve relied on hedonism alone. Physical touch can certainly help and it is as great a source of happiness as any, but I do wonder if my reliance on it is causing me more problems in the long-term or if I should be doing more to explore my thoughts and feelings rather than seeking pleasure to distract myself "

For me, if I was back at that point in my life, I'd have made more effort in dealing with my own grief as opposed to handling it the way I did. But hindsight is wondrous right?

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By *elfastStud OP   Man
over a year ago

Belfast


"I lost my father 5 years ago last week. He had been ill so it didn't come as a shock but it was very tough nonetheless. Everyone deals with death differently so it's hard to say how you're going to deal with it. Take the advice the others have given and my advice is to get outside as much as possible. Think about him and all the good times you had, don't be afraid to cry and feel down but get plenty of fresh air and don't turn to alcohol to help you cope. "

Thankfully I’ve never had a problem with reliance on alcohol. I’ve been out a couple of times since just to get out of the house and see friends and I had a right few drinks.. but I’d never be one for drinking at home or on my own.

Thank you for the kind advice

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By *elfastStud OP   Man
over a year ago

Belfast


"I sadly lost my father quite suddenly at the beginning of this month. As if this year hasn’t been bad enough! It’s the first time I’ve lost someone this close to me.

Anyone that’s been through this, have you got any tips about how to cope during such a difficult time as losing a parent? And does it get easier with time?

Hey OP,

I'm so sorry for your loss.

Unfortunately, there's no tips or tricks that's going to ease your grief but what I will say is talk about it, allow yourself to be upset & feel sad about it. We quite often want to be strong for those around us but this can (in my experience) lead to you not dealing with your own grief.

I'd love to tell you the longing to see them/hear them/get their advice/or eve get a clatter from them lol, lessens over time. It sadly doesn't. You will always miss them & want them. But I promise you, over time, it does indeed get easier to live with.

Be good to yourself OP & reach out where you need to xoxo

“ We quite often want to be strong for those around us but this can (in my experience) lead to you not dealing with your own grief.”

This is exactly what I’m going through right now. I am generally a very stoic & emotionally stable person, maybe sometimes to the point of being emotionally stunted or at least aloof. But I have a big family with 6 siblings and I am trying to be strong for them, particularly my 3 sisters (2 of which are younger for me). I have of course shed plenty of tears myself but more so on the day he died and at the funeral a couple of weeks ago.. those few days were quite cathartic. Since then I’ve felt numb, for lack of a better word.. I don’t know how else to describe it but I’m not myself.

Since then I have only cried twice and one of those times was on my own. I don’t consciously do so but I have a tendency to put up walls in front of others. I do find it difficult to open up, I suppose I’m afraid of what it might reveal if I really dive deep.. and I don’t like feeling like I’m a drain on other people’s happiness.

I put most of my energy into sport & exercise to give myself goals to work towards and make myself feel better, but my routine has been badly affected by the grieving process and having to be there for my family more than usual.

And as a result I’ve relied on hedonism alone. Physical touch can certainly help and it is as great a source of happiness as any, but I do wonder if my reliance on it is causing me more problems in the long-term or if I should be doing more to explore my thoughts and feelings rather than seeking pleasure to distract myself

For me, if I was back at that point in my life, I'd have made more effort in dealing with my own grief as opposed to handling it the way I did. But hindsight is wondrous right? "

How did you handle it? Was this long ago?

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By *allyWally19Woman
over a year ago

The Road to Nowhere


"

“ We quite often want to be strong for those around us but this can (in my experience) lead to you not dealing with your own grief.”

This is exactly what I’m going through right now. I am generally a very stoic & emotionally stable person, maybe sometimes to the point of being emotionally stunted or at least aloof. But I have a big family with 6 siblings and I am trying to be strong for them, particularly my 3 sisters (2 of which are younger for me). I have of course shed plenty of tears myself but more so on the day he died and at the funeral a couple of weeks ago.. those few days were quite cathartic. Since then I’ve felt numb, for lack of a better word.. I don’t know how else to describe it but I’m not myself.

Since then I have only cried twice and one of those times was on my own. I don’t consciously do so but I have a tendency to put up walls in front of others. I do find it difficult to open up, I suppose I’m afraid of what it might reveal if I really dive deep.. and I don’t like feeling like I’m a drain on other people’s happiness.

I put most of my energy into sport & exercise to give myself goals to work towards and make myself feel better, but my routine has been badly affected by the grieving process and having to be there for my family more than usual.

And as a result I’ve relied on hedonism alone. Physical touch can certainly help and it is as great a source of happiness as any, but I do wonder if my reliance on it is causing me more problems in the long-term or if I should be doing more to explore my thoughts and feelings rather than seeking pleasure to distract myself

For me, if I was back at that point in my life, I'd have made more effort in dealing with my own grief as opposed to handling it the way I did. But hindsight is wondrous right?

How did you handle it? Was this long ago?"

I didn't handle it at all as it happens. I was there for my family & gave my effort into that. This sounds mega selfish & it's not intended in that way but I didn't take care of myself, not in the same way I could seem family taking care of themselves if that makes sense?

Not to put to ominous a take on it, but that led to some not nice moments for me down the line

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By *elfastStud OP   Man
over a year ago

Belfast


"

“ We quite often want to be strong for those around us but this can (in my experience) lead to you not dealing with your own grief.”

This is exactly what I’m going through right now. I am generally a very stoic & emotionally stable person, maybe sometimes to the point of being emotionally stunted or at least aloof. But I have a big family with 6 siblings and I am trying to be strong for them, particularly my 3 sisters (2 of which are younger for me). I have of course shed plenty of tears myself but more so on the day he died and at the funeral a couple of weeks ago.. those few days were quite cathartic. Since then I’ve felt numb, for lack of a better word.. I don’t know how else to describe it but I’m not myself.

Since then I have only cried twice and one of those times was on my own. I don’t consciously do so but I have a tendency to put up walls in front of others. I do find it difficult to open up, I suppose I’m afraid of what it might reveal if I really dive deep.. and I don’t like feeling like I’m a drain on other people’s happiness.

I put most of my energy into sport & exercise to give myself goals to work towards and make myself feel better, but my routine has been badly affected by the grieving process and having to be there for my family more than usual.

And as a result I’ve relied on hedonism alone. Physical touch can certainly help and it is as great a source of happiness as any, but I do wonder if my reliance on it is causing me more problems in the long-term or if I should be doing more to explore my thoughts and feelings rather than seeking pleasure to distract myself

For me, if I was back at that point in my life, I'd have made more effort in dealing with my own grief as opposed to handling it the way I did. But hindsight is wondrous right?

How did you handle it? Was this long ago?

I didn't handle it at all as it happens. I was there for my family & gave my effort into that. This sounds mega selfish & it's not intended in that way but I didn't take care of myself, not in the same way I could seem family taking care of themselves if that makes sense?

Not to put to ominous a take on it, but that led to some not nice moments for me down the line "

Thank you for your honesty. I can certainly relate to that because I am an empath & I feel what others are going through quite intensely, but I don’t look inward as much as I should. There’s a very small coterie of people I can be vulnerable around.. I am talking 2 or 3 people. And tbh none of them would be family.. I shield my emotions from them for the most part.

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By *ondalingerMan
over a year ago

City center

Grief is something that rarely 2 people handle the same. I talk to my dad every day. Not just for guidance but everyday stuff. Sports, hot newsreaders etc. It helps me manage his loss. Its weird but it really feels good to talk to him even though ill never get a reply. I was closed minded to the spiritual side of things until i lost someone i cared for unconditionally. Im sorry for your loss and my pm is always open for a chat with you

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By *elfastStud OP   Man
over a year ago

Belfast


"Grief is something that rarely 2 people handle the same. I talk to my dad every day. Not just for guidance but everyday stuff. Sports, hot newsreaders etc. It helps me manage his loss. Its weird but it really feels good to talk to him even though ill never get a reply. I was closed minded to the spiritual side of things until i lost someone i cared for unconditionally. Im sorry for your loss and my pm is always open for a chat with you"

Do you do this internally or do you actually speak out loud? At his graveside or just anywhere you can? Interesting concept, this might help

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This is one thing we are dreadful at knowing how to handle grief, how to speak to people struggling with grief. And everyone deals with it differently don't think there's a one fit for all.

I think you just need to talk whether to a family member, a friend or a stranger.

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By *ondalingerMan
over a year ago

City center


"Grief is something that rarely 2 people handle the same. I talk to my dad every day. Not just for guidance but everyday stuff. Sports, hot newsreaders etc. It helps me manage his loss. Its weird but it really feels good to talk to him even though ill never get a reply. I was closed minded to the spiritual side of things until i lost someone i cared for unconditionally. Im sorry for your loss and my pm is always open for a chat with you

Do you do this internally or do you actually speak out loud? At his graveside or just anywhere you can? Interesting concept, this might help "
i did it today multiple times. Sometimes out loud, sometimes internally. Today i told him about a film i watched

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By *ome_wild_girlWoman
over a year ago

Antrim Town

The 1st year is always hard but prepare yourself and family for the 2nd year, it can feel tougher than the 1st, you're expected to "be over things" but it still hurts.

I lost my father suddenly after a short illness 5 years ago and had to be the strong one in my family.

Remember there's professionals you can chat with as well as close friends and family.

I talk to my dad when I'm alone in the car, as if he's on the phone, especially when a certain song will come on and it feels like hes there.

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By *arajeanCouple
over a year ago

mayo

I lost my mum 6years ago quite suddenly.it was the worst experience of my life. Nobody can prepare you for it.grief is terrible could not eat sleep and I can honestly say that part of me died too. It takes a long time to come to terms with it. For me talking about it helps and I got counselling and found it very good . People mean well but sometimes say the wrong thing .it took me about 2 to 3 years to come to terms with it and still come days get upset thinking about it.Time is a good healer and give yourself time and talk to friends and family. Look after yourself.

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By *ealitybitesMan
over a year ago

Belfast

Sorry for your loss.

I lost my dad a week before my 22nd birthday and my mum 2 weeks before my 50th.

On both occasions I had to be the strong one and guide the family through.

As a result I've never gone through what could be classed as a normal grieving process. A year after my dad died I had a very short sharp period of a few hours when the realisation hit me and that was that.

I'm sure many people have had similar experiences.

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By *lameBoyMan
over a year ago

Enfield & Dublin

My sincere condolences to you on your loss. My dad passed away when I was 15, we all knew it was coming and had 6 weeks to bolster for the inevitable. That in itself was a part of the healing process. Feeling angry, lonely, disillusioned and withdrawn I can remember as being the strongest emotions I had at the time. I suddenly became the man of the house and felt a burden of responsibility for a whole lot of stuff which in hindsight wasn’t my role.

Look at your “place” in your family. You don’t need to always be the strong one. You need to share your feelings with the others. They are most likely as lost as you but if you are lost with a group it’s easier.

Talk about him. Think about the good memories. Listen to his favourite music. He is not that far away after all.

Always here for DM if you want to chat.

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By *etergemmaCouple
over a year ago

South Dublin Area

Everyone is different but time really is a great healer.

My father was last thing i thought about when I went to bed at night and first thing I thought of when i woke up.

And then one day the hurt was just gone.. it took years but acceptance is really important.

However its only been a month and your are you so young there's unfortunately not much you can do except preserve. Spend time with friends and family as much as possible and dont be afraid to cry.

Take care xx

Also if it doesnt any better at all, do seek counseling

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By *etergemmaCouple
over a year ago

South Dublin Area


"I lost my mum 6years ago quite suddenly.it was the worst experience of my life. Nobody can prepare you for it.grief is terrible could not eat sleep and I can honestly say that part of me died too. It takes a long time to come to terms with it. For me talking about it helps and I got counselling and found it very good . People mean well but sometimes say the wrong thing .it took me about 2 to 3 years to come to terms with it and still come days get upset thinking about it.Time is a good healer and give yourself time and talk to friends and family. Look after yourself. "
Great advice. I really feel like part of me died when my father passed

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By *ilentnoiseMan
over a year ago

Belfast

Mate I'm really sorry to hear about your loss, especially at this time of year, even though there is never an easier time to lose someone so close.

You asked about tips to help you cope with such a difficult and painful loss, and I actually think you are probably already doing the best thing that will get you through this - talking about your dad and how you are feeling. So all credit to you. Grieving is such a unique experience with no right or wrong way to do it. You may actually find it easier to talk to strangers or people you know less well, like you are doing here on the forum or through other channels. When I lost someone close, I found hard to talk to my family, because we were all grieving and it felt like there was no 'space' to do it at home. Everyone didn't want to upset everyone else.

Try not to put any expectations on yourself about how often you think you cry or express your emotions. Each day is going to be different. Some days will be harder than others. One of the things I feared most about grief was the overwhelming pain of loss, but one of the hardest things I actually encountered was having the bravery to allow myself to also enjoy things again. I thought it was being disrespectful, but came to realise that grief is not just about learning to cope with a loss, but learning to live again in spite of that loss. This is very different to trying to force yourself to be happy or positive. Go easy on yourself over the next while. A loss turns the world upside down, so keeping some sort of (non-rigid) routine to your weeks can also be helpful.

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By *elfastStud OP   Man
over a year ago

Belfast


"Mate I'm really sorry to hear about your loss, especially at this time of year, even though there is never an easier time to lose someone so close.

You asked about tips to help you cope with such a difficult and painful loss, and I actually think you are probably already doing the best thing that will get you through this - talking about your dad and how you are feeling. So all credit to you. Grieving is such a unique experience with no right or wrong way to do it. You may actually find it easier to talk to strangers or people you know less well, like you are doing here on the forum or through other channels. When I lost someone close, I found hard to talk to my family, because we were all grieving and it felt like there was no 'space' to do it at home. Everyone didn't want to upset everyone else.

Try not to put any expectations on yourself about how often you think you cry or express your emotions. Each day is going to be different. Some days will be harder than others. One of the things I feared most about grief was the overwhelming pain of loss, but one of the hardest things I actually encountered was having the bravery to allow myself to also enjoy things again. I thought it was being disrespectful, but came to realise that grief is not just about learning to cope with a loss, but learning to live again in spite of that loss. This is very different to trying to force yourself to be happy or positive. Go easy on yourself over the next while. A loss turns the world upside down, so keeping some sort of (non-rigid) routine to your weeks can also be helpful. "

Thanks so much for these kind & wise words. Very well put

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By *osmicGateMan
over a year ago

louth


"I sadly lost my father quite suddenly at the beginning of this month. As if this year hasn’t been bad enough! It’s the first time I’ve lost someone this close to me.

Anyone that’s been through this, have you got any tips about how to cope during such a difficult time as losing a parent? And does it get easier with time? "

Just look after yourself and it definitely gets better in time..

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By *ubal1Man
over a year ago

Newry Down

Within the counselling profession there is a stereotypical grieving and recovery process that everyone theoretically goes through to recover to their new normality; some never recover completely.

For example my beloved dog died over fifteen years ago and frankly I never recovered from his death.

What was even worse was that I had to him put to sleep because he was so seriously ill from canine bone cancer.

I never got another dog because I was so adversely affected. Some people on this site may opine that there is no comparison between the death of a pet dog and a parent.

I had contact with my dog every day, he was always delighted to see me, and we did many things together, for years.

Try to remember the good times, and if necessary see a psychotherapist or grief counsellor to guide you through the multiple stages of the grieving process.

I worked through the death of my dog myself; but my loss is still raw today.

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By *etmebeurfantasyWoman
over a year ago

My town

I lost my mum ten years ago, wasn't sudden she was ill but we all in denial of her bad she was, so it was sudden with our denial.

I'm a only child so it knocked the stuffing out if me even reading back on it being ten yesrs I still can't believe it's been that long.

Grief has no right in wrong way, talking and letting feelings out helps..it gets easier as time goes on they say time heals

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hi sorry for your loss, i lost my father 17 years ago suddenly..keep the good times and talk. Dont block it talk open, cry loads, dont go off the rails. Its natural to feel lost, angry, upset. But your dad is at peace

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This is my 3rd christmas without my Dad, id love to say it gets easier but it doesnt im afraid. Those moments of grief creep up on you like a wave.

Sometimes its a small quick wave, sometimes its a huge wave and you can see/feel it coming for days beforehand. Theres nothing you can do, but wait for it.

Just be kind to yourself, and remember the good times.

Mrs S x

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By *asual777Man
over a year ago

i travel all over

So sorry to hear OP

Some really helpful posts on here

I have heard good things about a book called option B

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sorry for your loss op. I lost my Dad Suddenely 6yrs ago and it's something a person never gets over tbh. The what ifs , the anger, sadness it's all part of it in my experience. Took me a good 2yrs to I guess accept he was gone. I speak to him internally alot and at his grave. I found writing a letter to him got alotta stuff out my head and dealt with my grief that way. Your life changes forever and I guess makes a person look at life differently. I lost my sister who was just 43 this yr to cancer and the grief I'm experiencing now is totally different , just overwhelmed with total sadness at times . But we will get there op as I believe they will and are helping us thro it. Take care man hope iv helped just a little.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sending my condolences to you and your family at this very difficult time. I lost my Mother in 2006 yes i do think it gets easier with time. But the first year for me was just horrendous i was so glad that the place i was doing a course and work experience at gave me a job. It was a distraction during the day at least and i will be forever grateful for that but when u went home at no and locked the door me and my daughter lay on the couch hugging each other and just cried every night. I didn't socialise for a long time afterwards and i ended up drinking to block out the pain, along with work and exercise got me through but only for so long. This suppression of grief eventually caught up with me and had to deal with it properly by talking to someone about it. Grief is like the ocean it comes in waves for me Xmas time is the most difficult because i now know my mother kept it all together in the family, it's been broken every since and i am growing to just accept it as i can't change that. I wish you all the best OP and a suggestion would be to maybe take some grievence counselling.

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By *organ DeanWoman
over a year ago

Belfast

I'm sorry for your loss. The only advice I have is to feel your feelings, as raw as they are bc they're not going to go away.

Exercise helps clear away the fuzz so that you can think & getting out for a walk looking at something pretty helps too. Land or sea always helps me.

Talk, even if it is to strangers. Sometimes its easier.

I wouldn't slide but I'd shuffle, if you need an anonymous friend

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By *umon337Man
over a year ago

Offaly

So sorry for your troubles OP.

My mother died just over 3 years ago. She had been going downhill for a good while and we all knew what was coming but it didn't make it easier.

Her anniversary was in November and myself and the kids went to her grave and chatted about our memories of her and I told them some stories about her and there were tears and laughs.

Greif takes its own path for everyone. Your sisters are probably stronger than you think they are. Chatting to them, remembering stories, events and funny things can be really useful to help open up the dialogue about how you're feeling - come at it from a sideways angle rather than head on. As someone said above your siblings are probably all as lost as you feel too.

You sound like a typical man, putting up walls etc. but holding back the grief can be damaging in the long run.

This can be a hard thing to do but if someone asks you how you're feeling then be honest and tell them if you're sad - you have every right to feel sad. You don't need to dive deep with everyone but the honesty will do you good because most people have had a loss and will be able to empathise.

It's good to hear that you've shed some tears and more will surely flow in time.

Acknowledging that you feel sad and allowing yourself feel the feelings is a good place to start rather than seeking something else to 'cover up' the way you really feel. Though something positive like running or exercise can help burn off stress and give you an endorphin kick.

As I said, it's 3 years since mammy died and there's still plenty of times that I miss her and there always will be.

Be kind to yourself, allow yourself to have the shit days and give yourself as much time as you need.

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By *sBlueJayWoman
over a year ago

galway

So sorry for your loss op. My mum died on the 18th of October this year. I was her carer and she was my best friend.

She was in hospital for 10 weeks she was getting better until one day she wasn't and had decided she had enough.

I was the one making all the medical decisions speaking to doctors and all the important things u gotta do. My brothers and my dad don't cope to well with that. I've now taken over the role as dads carer cuz he fell apart.

Because I was always on the go making all the arrange ments and sorting all the paperwork it never really hit me. Still don't think it has properly tbh.

I was like you I felt numb empty kept thinking should I not be screaming or breaking something or anything to make me feel something again. But nope it was just blank. Some days it still is. Small stupid things you'd be doin and a memory will pop into my head now and I'm tryin to force myself not to break down.

I'm dreading Christmas tbh. I couldn't care less. The one Christmas present I want in the world I can't have.

There are no tips really to help you get through it I guess. You just gotta try your best and if you get sad you get sad. It's still very very raw. But you have to take comfort that at least they not in any more pain. That's the only thing that gets me through.

People have said to me it does get easier in time and I really do hope that's true maybe that unbearable longing to see them again might become a bit more bearable to live with then

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Male half here. After reading all the replies, and believe me, I've had to much of my own personal loss, it happens every family, so the best advice I can give is, you've got to deal with loosing someone dear in your life (yourself) this may sound harsh, however it's the truth, stay positive

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Time.

It doesn't get easier but the way you see things changes.

You stop missing what they could be doing and you start to remember the good things they did in a happy way.

Cliché, but "time IS a great healer"

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By *ettaManMan
over a year ago

Kerry and Dublin


"

Anyone that’s been through this, have you got any tips about how to cope during such a difficult time as losing a parent? And does it get easier with time? "

Really sorry to hear that DF. I lost my father suddenly 5 years ago. I can only offer my own experience but everyone grieves in their own way, so it might not resonate.

I didn't process his passing until 2 years later bcos I had a lot going on at the time. I knew I would process it when I went on a meditation retreat. My first night in the retreat centre I balled my eyes out. It was very cathartic.

Things that helped me:

- any suffering my father may have

had, is now over. He is at peace.

- My father lives on in the hearts

and minds of the people he met.

- I'm going to die also. We're all

going to.

- My father knew I loved him.

- My father would want me to be happy

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By *onnieladMan
over a year ago

Mayo

Lost my Dad a number of years ago. Had the privilege of looking after him for almost 4 years before he pasted away. Never regretted a single minute of it. Very happy memories of having his company for those years was the best ever cure for grief.

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By *ewadventures2017Couple
over a year ago

some where near

There's no right way or wrong way

Lost both parents and my wife

The pain of my wife's passing took years to come to terms with

My parents was different it's just happened as I suppose it's the natural way of life for our parents to pass before us.

Greif can hit you out of the blue for no apparent reason a date on the calander someone mention their name and your world can suddenly fall apart

Over time you learn to deal with it and carry on

I have moved on and have a good life I think

I'm here with my partner of many yrs we have the best of times but out of the blue some days you will tink of people and have a year or two and a chat and move on again

I remember people saying time will heal and I used to say bollox to that but it does we all get knocks along the way we get back up and go again one day at a time and we never forget

Rip

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By *irdnBorisMan
over a year ago

meath

Sorry for your loss op .its never easy loosing a parent or even family friend my dad died in 2007 with dreaded cancer it has taken so many and ive lost few friends thru crashes and suicides which hits very hard i myself get down days i think we all do but i say to meself anyone ive lost are all up there watching over us now making sure we doing ok .birthdays and anniversarys are tough days but i think of all the good memorys and they last a lifetime all the best op

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By *ildatlanticMan
over a year ago

city

Cry, tears are pain leaving your body.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

OP.

So sorry to here that. Look after yourself and keep talking to people and letting people know how you feel. Very important to talk.

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