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"Why are you looking for more than just each other? Swinging and open relationships aren't great for peoole who have experienced jealousy when their partner is sexual with someone else." I think it's also unrealistic to say that most couples don't experience jealousy. Personally I find a bit of jealousy healthy. It's this sort of rush of break up get back together 20 times that I've seen some couples do that I'd find toxic and unsustainable. We're actually v cool with it right now because our communication is so on point. There was a time when it wasn't. | |||
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"We don't get jealous, probably because we're together so long and the trust is there. Jealousy is not healthy, I don't know why you would think that. Maybe try meeting as a couple instead of separately? Attend socials and parties, experience swinging together? It may help alleviate any jealousy issues or it could make them worse. Either way it will tell you if an open relationship is right for you. Good luck " Each to their own. I wouldn't describe my jealousy as anxious or angry and not inherently a bad thing. Would just be hurt if she "chose" someone over me. Hers is more worrying i'll fall for someone else. We're not at this game for ages so there's that. | |||
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"To us swinging just means a bit of extra bedroom fun, nothing to do with our relationship from a dating point of view" That's cool. I wonder if that's where we leave it someday and drop the dating seperately part. Its what I was referring to above with experiencing something together and just enjoying a the bonus of it. | |||
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"polyamourous Relationships, I always think will end up disastrous. Loving your partner knowing that they love someone else and have that loving connection IMO isn’t healthy " Wouldn't be my scene either no. Who has the time for a second full time partner? That said some people live in triads or more. If they're happy all power to them. | |||
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"Telling other people what is/isn't healthy isn't a healthy thing to do either. So on that note... I dont find jealousy is healthy for me, it doesn't suit my personality and has a negative impact on my overall happiness. But I do think jealousy is a perfectly normal emotion for people to have. Especially younger people and people in their late 20s. People grow up in a world where society encourages jealousy so it's hardly surprising it is so common. There's nothing wrong with feeling jealous while being concious about it and working towards eliminating it. Best of luck with it OP. " Cheers for the words friend | |||
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"I tend to agree with Lenses here, jealousy is a pretty normal human emotion. The fact that it can cause damage when unrecognised, suppressed or misdirected etc means it should be owned and challenged. If you love your partner and want to stay as a couple OP your openness, discussions and research will bring you right to what suits ye both Im sure. Best wishes " Cheers rubadub feel similar on confronting and training against negative feelings. Too many people pretending they don't have any. | |||
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"polyamourous Relationships, I always think will end up disastrous. Loving your partner knowing that they love someone else and have that loving connection IMO isn’t healthy " Have you been in or know alot of people in a poly relationship??? | |||
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"polyamourous Relationships, I always think will end up disastrous. Loving your partner knowing that they love someone else and have that loving connection IMO isn’t healthy Have you been in or know alot of people in a poly relationship???" no which is why I stated my opinion. | |||
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"I’m poly, but I would label many of my relationships as “open” more than poly. I have a long term “nesting” partner (a primary who also dates), a long term “anchor” girlfriend, and usually one or two open relationships. More to your point though, I’m not sure that putting a label on relationships is all that helpful, I prefer the designer relationships approach - for each relationship pick and choose what you both want and do that, and understand what you don’t want as much and don’t focus energy there. Like great sex and cuddles? Great, do that. Not fussed about restaurants? Great, don’t do that. You mentioned rules and restrictions you have, and we started out like that also. I also disliked having to limit myself, but they were necessary to avoid my partner feeling “less than”. Some people will say that’s not healthy poly, but it worked for us, and 3 years later our rules have become guidelines. Jealousy is always a factor, though some will either be emotionally unavailable enough to not realise it, or have worked through how they respond to it manage it. Sounds like some of what you’re going through is what I’ve gone through, so feel free to reach out if you want to grab a coffee and talk through sometime, always happy to meet more people owning their shit in the community. " Designer relationships thats a new term to me, Ive heard it called Relationship Anarchy, and Relationship Smorgasbörd. I like it as an idea, untested in reality. | |||
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"Frankly, poly sounds exhausting, difficult enough juggling one primary relationship with kids, work and other friendships. We're sexually non-monogamous but emotionally committed to each other, swinging is an occasional pastime for us, no more. " I found it fairly exhausting alright... and not just from all the sex | |||
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"Frankly, poly sounds exhausting, difficult enough juggling one primary relationship with kids, work and other friendships. We're sexually non-monogamous but emotionally committed to each other, swinging is an occasional pastime for us, no more. I found it fairly exhausting alright... and not just from all the sex " I wasn't talking about sex either | |||
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"polyamourous Relationships, I always think will end up disastrous. Loving your partner knowing that they love someone else and have that loving connection IMO isn’t healthy " Not healthy at all and soul destroying. Some open their emotional and/sexual relationship not realising how their unique bond and trust will be put to the test. Once you open the Pandora's box, there is no way back and you better be prepared to go all the way or don't do it at all. | |||
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