FabSwingers.com forum: Sexless marriage

By *ackInTheGame39 OP Man
over a year ago

Derry area

Anyone else getting zero sex at home? Am I alone in feeling its like a mental torture?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You need to ask yourself why because in my opinion, women are just as horny as men.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Maybe delete the account and spend time with her

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Maybe your wife is feeling the same.

Have you tried talking about it??

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By *ackInTheGame39 OP Man
over a year ago

Derry area

Bit of a sweeping generalisation there mate to be honest!

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By *ackInTheGame39 OP Man
over a year ago

Derry area

We have, shes simply not interested anymore

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 22/11/21 22:03:14]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"We have, shes simply not interested anymore "

Was it ever good?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"We have, shes simply not interested anymore "

Why?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It happens. We are all different and it is almost a miracle when both are horny and compatible at the same time.

And libidos vary hugely. My advice is patience, talking it out, understanding, patience....and hope.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It happens. We are all different and it is almost a miracle when both are horny and compatible at the same time.

And libidos vary hugely. My advice is patience, talking it out, understanding, patience....and hope."

Or just a good vibrator

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It happens. We are all different and it is almost a miracle when both are horny and compatible at the same time.

And libidos vary hugely. My advice is patience, talking it out, understanding, patience....and hope.

Or just a good vibrator

Thoughtless

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By *3nsesMan
over a year ago

Dublin

Maybe time to break up OP.

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By *ackInTheGame39 OP Man
over a year ago

Derry area

"Maybe time to break up OP.

Very possibly, it's more complicated than that but could be time for the big decision

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By *asual777Man
over a year ago

i travel all over

1. Make sure the atmosphere is good at home , there is nothing less sexy than consistently being asked for sex by someone miserable .

2. Do your share of the housework , childcare , and don’t let the sexlessness and the resultant ‘mental torture’ get in the way of what needs to be done to make a household work .

3 work on yourself . Are you good physically and mentally ? Do you need to have a hobby which keeps you fit and distracts you in a good way , where you can find your flow ? Consider yoga , meditation , gratitude lists , things which reduce your anxiety and remind you of the good things in your life .

4. Once you know that you’re not contributing to the sexlessness, attempt to talk about it again . Consider therapy separately or preferably together .

5. Don’t shred your cred . If you threaten to leave , mean it , or don’t say it.

6. If nothing works , your options are to stay and accept it , stay and cheat or leave .

7. Consider talking to a lawyer if you’re thinking about options 2 and 3.

8. There is a site called iliasm which discusses this issue .

Best of luck

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By *amson4DelilahCouple
over a year ago

ballina

Loss of libido can be caused by any things.. no love,hormonal imbalances

high stress, chronic illness, trauma nutrient deficiencies, depression... to be fair the list is endless...But from my experience women don't want a sexless life either.. there is a root cause.

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By *ay_Gatsby_D4Man
over a year ago

City Centre, Dublin

"Anyone else getting zero sex at home? Am I alone in feeling its like a mental torture? "

Have you tried showing her your profile photo?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I am (at the minute anyway). It’s not because “the magic has gone”, it’s more a drop in her libido due to medication, so it isn’t her fault, and I haven’t made her feel guilty about it or anything.

She has changed her meds so her drive should eventually pick up. It doesn’t mean there isn’t any love or attraction any more, because there still is and we tell each other that. So until things pick up, she’s allowing me to get my kicks elsewhere. It was her idea. I’ve got a keeper.

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By *antra MassageMan
over a year ago

South Side.

Maybe this is not the ideal place to get impartial advice! Libidos are often mismatched, people grow, change, lose interest, develop new interests. It's unrealistic to expect the love, lust, attraction, ardour to stay the same for life. Now that you recognise that your relationship has changed(I'm sure she has, too), it's time to plan the next phase of your relationship, and your life. See a relationship counsellor, both of you.. If she won't go, go on your own. Best of luck.

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By *asual777Man
over a year ago

i travel all over

"1. Make sure the atmosphere is good at home , there is nothing less sexy than consistently being asked for sex by someone miserable .

2. Do your share of the housework , childcare , and don’t let the sexlessness and the resultant ‘mental torture’ get in the way of what needs to be done to make a household work .

4. Once you know that you’re not contributing to the sexlessness, attempt to talk about it again . Consider therapy separately or preferably together .

5. Don’t shred your cred . If you threaten to leave , mean it , or don’t say it.

6. If nothing works , your options are to stay and accept it , stay and cheat or leave .

7. Consider talking to a lawyer if you’re thinking about options 2 and 3.

8. There is a site called iliasm which discusses this issue .

Best of luck "

Sorry one more thing . Beware of reset sex , where you think everything is sorted because the frequency has temporarily picked up only to be go back to square 1. An actual full turn around is uncommon and involves long term return to a decent frequency .

The problem with thinking everything is magically sorted is that it ll stop you doing what you need to do , such as working on yourself , having the conversations and making the decisions you need to make .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It happens. We are all different and it is almost a miracle when both are horny and compatible at the same time.

And libidos vary hugely. My advice is patience, talking it out, understanding, patience....and hope.

Or just a good vibrator

You seem to have all the answers MR Knowfkall

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You have to find out why that is and talk about it to find common ground.

Sit her down again and see why she thinks it is. Explain that you need some intimacy in your life as well and you feel neglected atm and its impacting you. Tell her how it's impacting you but don't blame her, use

'I feel like this',

'I feel this way because',

'this makes me feel like'

Basically I statements instead of what you are doing hurts me because 'you' statement will accuse her of being the problem and push her further away.

Then take sex off the table for the near future and try and do some things for her and together, going for walks regularly, a dinner night out every couple of weeks (or cook for her) , cinema night once a month (or movie nights at home), put phones down after 9pm so you can chat etc etc basically try to reconnect

Do all the above with sex off the table and let your intimacy grow again from scratch. Give it time and see how things develop by trying to be patient and don't put pressure on or walk around with a face like thunder or the house will be remain negative and thats a libido killer.

Best of luck

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By *ofusplusCouple
over a year ago

Limerick

Just one woman's perspective ...

Women don't just lose libido, there are many factors which contribute. Aside from medical factors, THE main reason is her relationship with her partner.

1. Do you help out at home?

2. Do you desire her?

3. Does she know you desire her?

4. Do you openly respect her?

5. Do you openly appreciate her?

6. Do you do special things for her like bring her out for meals?

7. Are you close? Do you communicative? Have you delved into the reasons why there are issues?

8. Is there love in the relationship?

9. Does she know you're on Fab?

The words 'sexless marriage' sound like you're blaming her and taking no responsibility yourself.

If any of the above answers are 'No' then I suggest you consider your part in all of this, get off Fab and focus on your relationship.

By the way this is not an attack on attached people, more a response to the 'sexless marriage' reference.

Good luck OP. Hope you sort it out. Mrs

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By *ightower2021Man
over a year ago

donegal

"Anyone else getting zero sex at home? Am I alone in feeling its like a mental torture? "

Lived the same situation myself for yrs it doesn't change we split now

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By *3nsesMan
over a year ago

Dublin

"Maybe time to break up OP.

Very possibly, it's more complicated than that but could be time for the big decision"

Well chances are she isn't going to change. Sounds like she isn't even that interested in trying to resolve the situation either.

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By *itlbeeCouple
over a year ago

Both of you should go read 'Come as you are' by Emily Nagoski.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’ve been there. It’s not good for anyone. You both need to sort it now or it’ll eat you from the inside and you will resent each other. I was fortunate to get out. Obviously that wasn’t the only issue but it was a big part of the problem. It fucks up your life. Do something about it NOW.

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By *ightower2021Man
over a year ago

donegal

"I’ve been there. It’s not good for anyone. You both need to sort it now or it’ll eat you from the inside and you will resent each other. I was fortunate to get out. Obviously that wasn’t the only issue but it was a big part of the problem. It fucks up your life. Do something about it NOW.

Well said

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"1. Make sure the atmosphere is good at home , there is nothing less sexy than consistently being asked for sex by someone miserable .

2. Do your share of the housework , childcare , and don’t let the sexlessness and the resultant ‘mental torture’ get in the way of what needs to be done to make a household work .

4. Once you know that you’re not contributing to the sexlessness, attempt to talk about it again . Consider therapy separately or preferably together .

5. Don’t shred your cred . If you threaten to leave , mean it , or don’t say it.

6. If nothing works , your options are to stay and accept it , stay and cheat or leave .

7. Consider talking to a lawyer if you’re thinking about options 2 and 3.

8. There is a site called iliasm which discusses this issue .

Best of luck "

Unfortunately I tried all and more of the above but it didn’t work. My wife was simply not interested in a physical relationship. Separated now a few years but it pisses me off to see her in another relationship doing what we never did. I went without sex for over 6 years which was really tough on the mental health.

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By *oncupiscent_dreamMan
over a year ago

City

Just use women from this site, they are well up for it. Plenty of guys cheating on here.

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By *ara198Woman
over a year ago

maynooth

"1. Make sure the atmosphere is good at home , there is nothing less sexy than consistently being asked for sex by someone miserable .

2. Do your share of the housework , childcare , and don’t let the sexlessness and the resultant ‘mental torture’ get in the way of what needs to be done to make a household work .

4. Once you know that you’re not contributing to the sexlessness, attempt to talk about it again . Consider therapy separately or preferably together .

5. Don’t shred your cred . If you threaten to leave , mean it , or don’t say it.

6. If nothing works , your options are to stay and accept it , stay and cheat or leave .

7. Consider talking to a lawyer if you’re thinking about options 2 and 3.

8. There is a site called iliasm which discusses this issue .

Best of luck "

This is just great advice.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Ok, so say long term relationship, sex drive is low, sometimes one may be up for it more and that varies.

All the good advise above is great but what if you just want to feel what it’s like to kiss another, smell another, enter another. Is it just a case of far away fields? That’s my biggest issue. Can’t imagine breaking up just for sex. We are great buddies, I do most cooking, share cleaning, keep fit, go for walks, have a laugh etc, but I’m bored with the same sex.

At this stage I’m just resigned myself to the fact that that’s it, it’s my lot and it’s not terrible, it’s probably great. But the little lad between me legs thinks a little different.

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By *affa31Woman
over a year ago

Galway

"Ok, so say long term relationship, sex drive is low, sometimes one may be up for it more and that varies.

At this stage I’m just resigned myself to the fact that that’s it, it’s my lot and it’s not terrible, it’s probably great. But the little lad between me legs thinks a little different.

So things have changed again?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Ok, so say long term relationship, sex drive is low, sometimes one may be up for it more and that varies.

At this stage I’m just resigned myself to the fact that that’s it, it’s my lot and it’s not terrible, it’s probably great. But the little lad between me legs thinks a little different.

So things have changed again? "

I suppose they have. I’m not joking when I say that I was quite tormented the last few years. Not be her but by my own head and thoughts. I let her know about it all and it seems to have deleted my discontentment to a large extent.

OP, just don’t be rash and for sure talk.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"We have, shes simply not interested anymore "

Have you thought about setting up a couples profile cause I have heard it does help alot of couples reconnect and put spice back in their lives

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By *ig Marko83Man
over a year ago

Co Dublin

I was in a marriage finally left......wasn,t fair on either of us took me a while to get over it but back on my feet and enjoying life now just got me own PAD LADUES lol

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By *ombikerMan
over a year ago

the right side of the river

"We have, shes simply not interested anymore "

Or maybe she is not interested in sex with you and is getting railed elsewhere

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By *ig Marko83Man
over a year ago

Co Dublin

[Removed by poster at 23/11/21 11:05:25]

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By *asual777Man
over a year ago

i travel all over

"We have, shes simply not interested anymore

Or maybe she is not interested in sex with you and is getting railed elsewhere "

OP sounds like he is distressed . I think our comments need to be supportive tbh . Also I am not sure that assertively telling people on the Internet we don’t know to leave their spouses is wise . Divorce can be bankrupting and have a huge effect on some kids. Only the OP himself knows the right thing to do .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We can all give you advice and it may be great advice but it may not work for you and your partner. I know yiu said ye have talked about it but you will have to sit down again and have another long,open and very difficult talk. It isn't going to be easy but unless you want to carry on living like you currently are, you are going to have to do it

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By *onlywishiMan
over a year ago

Newcastle

Try to show her how much you love and respect her for what she gives you and maybe try starting having date nights ? Get rid of the kids and go out as a couple who are going to get to know each other ?

Chat her up as you would have before you got together do the little things that you did when you first met !

Get her to smile and relax above all let her know how much you love being with her and how you fancy her more now than ever !!

Then just repeat so that you hopefully can rekindle what you once had ?

Good luck

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By *ercc63Man
over a year ago

Hillsborough

Have been in similar situation for years

We have talked about it in the past but could never resolve anything

Neither of us happy - took the decision to live seperately !

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By *ilverfox74Man
over a year ago

dublin offaly

Guys. Be nice. Op is only asking a question. Some of the answers on here are hurtful and not needed. Just remember some of these can get in on a person. If you have nothing nice to say, say nothing at all.

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By *he MickMan
over a year ago

southside

"Anyone else getting zero sex at home? Am I alone in feeling its like a mental torture? "

In my opinion/experience she probably doesn't love you any longer and no longer wants to sleep with you but you may have kids or mortgage together and she may not see a way out .

Same scenario for me a few years back , we split up amicably and I'm very happy now.

Not saying that's for everyone but it worked for me and her .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Wow!!!!
"I am (at the minute anyway). It’s not because “the magic has gone”, it’s more a drop in her libido due to medication, so it isn’t her fault, and I haven’t made her feel guilty about it or anything.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Interesting!! Food for thought...
"Just one woman's perspective ...

Women don't just lose libido, there are many factors which contribute. Aside from medical factors, THE main reason is her relationship with her partner.

1. Do you help out at home?

2. Do you desire her?

3. Does she know you desire her?

4. Do you openly respect her?

5. Do you openly appreciate her?

6. Do you do special things for her like bring her out for meals?

7. Are you close? Do you communicative? Have you delved into the reasons why there are issues?

8. Is there love in the relationship?

9. Does she know you're on Fab?

The words 'sexless marriage' sound like you're blaming her and taking no responsibility yourself.

If any of the above answers are 'No' then I suggest you consider your part in all of this, get off Fab and focus on your relationship.

By the way this is not an attack on attached people, more a response to the 'sexless marriage' reference.

Good luck OP. Hope you sort it out. Mrs

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By *egsyWoman
over a year ago

Meath

Personally i found it wasnt that i didnt want sex, i just didnt want sex with my husband. (We arent married anyone lol).

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A Bullock don't have any problems with not getting sex lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A common theme here seems to be it’s the mans fault in some way , but its just life. The attraction faulters after years together , but doesnt mean the Love does ! The couples here mostly will say different publicly ,, so one or maybe both in marriage NEED more intimacy and just plain old good fucking , so what ? And if no one gets hurt for me thats fine . We will now have the moral high horse brigade preaching , which in itself is rather ironic considering we are ALL on a sex site

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Personally i found it wasnt that i didnt want sex, i just didnt want sex with my husband. (We arent married anyone lol).

And folks , this is just the truth,, well said

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Try to show her how much you love and respect her for what she gives you and maybe try starting having date nights ? Get rid of the kids and go out as a couple who are going to get to know each other ?

Chat her up as you would have before you got together do the little things that you did when you first met !

Get her to smile and relax above all let her know how much you love being with her and how you fancy her more now than ever !!

Then just repeat so that you hopefully can rekindle what you once had ?

Good luck "

Ermmmm ,, nah i say nothin

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