FabSwingers.com forum: She drinks (a lot)

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Ok, so I’ve been hanging with this girl and she’s great but she drinks 4 or 5 nights a week. It has been a touchy subject and I’m just looking for another opinion TBH

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By *affa31Woman
over a year ago

Galway

If it makes you uncomfortable and you’ve already talked to her about it, walk away.

If you haven’t talked to her yet, bring it up but try your best to do it in a non confrontational way.

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By *asual777Man
over a year ago

i travel all over

Does she think there is a problem ?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Depends on how much she has, if it bothers you, if it affects her attitude & if you are happy to be sober around her if you don't want a drink yourself really....

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Yeah I talked about it in a non confrontational manner, she said she would do a dry January. I suppose I was more thinking moderation

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Yeah it does effect her mood. Like she gets super happy and then gets cranky.

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By *og-ManMan
over a year ago

somewhere

Where does she drink...a pub or at home

Do you know how much she drinks at a time

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I didn’t ask, but it would be a bottle or wine or 5 pints. It’s both at home and the pub. Like an average of being d*unk 3 times a week and then a “top up” once or twice a week.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Ok, so I’ve been hanging with this girl and she’s great but she drinks 4 or 5 nights a week. It has been a touchy subject and I’m just looking for another opinion TBH "

Drinks heavy 4:5 nights a week or has a few glasses of wine/few bottles those 4/4 times?.

If it’s not heavy drinking then you need to get a grip and realise she’s enjoying those drinks and if it makes you uncomfortable, that’s on you.

However, if it’s heavy drinking there could be a problem there and maybe you should walk away or try help her, neither are easy I would say, especially if you like her.

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By *aucyladMan
over a year ago

Dublin

Depends how you view drinking, some will say they have it under control and cab manage it, sure what harm and all that. Unfortunately if your drinking every second night then you quite possibly have a drink problem.Too many think a drink problem means being a full blown pisshead but in reality so many more people think they don't have a problem but continue to drink every evening.Its a habit. Research in recent years has shown more women than before are drinking, it could be the glass of red after getting home from work, then another with the dinner and sure when they pop the kids to bed they sit down on the couch and will finish the bottle off...doing that 4 or 5 nights a week. I would say that's a problem but they may not realise it. But again it's down to what way people view drinking.

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By *ilthyNightsCouple
over a year ago

East / North, Cork

"Ok, so I’ve been hanging with this girl and she’s great but she drinks 4 or 5 nights a week. It has been a touchy subject and I’m just looking for another opinion TBH "

It would be too much for me to have a partner who consistently drank that much. Its up to you if its too much for you.

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By *ofusplusCouple
over a year ago

Limerick

"I didn’t ask, but it would be a bottle or wine or 5 pints. It’s both at home and the pub. Like an average of being d*unk 3 times a week and then a “top up” once or twice a week. "

That's definitely too much and you are right to be concerned.

Time for another chat, she needs to know how it's affecting her health. If she won't listen then you have a serious decision to make for your own sake. Good luck

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Maybe if she sobers up she won't be as much fun, or like you as much.

In seriousness though, in this country its acceptable in most others that's an alcoholic.

Very hard to get them to stop as they see nothing wrong with it.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Yeah like my gut feeling is that it is a problem but I don’t want it to be.

The only way you can recalibrate it is by doing a 90 day no alcohol challenge. She is only agreeing to 30 days, but I could just see how it goes?

This would be a lot easier if I didn’t like her!!!!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

True, she might see a different me

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By *ay_Gatsby_D4Man
over a year ago

City Centre, Dublin

Sounds like she’s a bad relationship with drink

However Its not your problem to fix, she has to want to get sober

It’s not up to you to swoop in and save her, she has to want to save herself

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Sounds like she’s a bad relationship with drink

However Its not your problem to fix, she has to want to get sober

It’s not up to you to swoop in and save her, she has to want to save herself

That’s actually really good advice

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By *3nsesMan
over a year ago

Dublin

She's an alcoholic. As much as you like her, staying involved with her is self destructive for yourself. Get out now is my advice.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If she gets happier and great craic with drink then feck it why worry, but if she is an egg sheller that drink turns her to be a bit more aggressive, erratic and ya feel you have to be cautious with what ya say then walk away.

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By *ewrideMan
over a year ago

I wouldn't be so quick to judge her

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By *ofusplusCouple
over a year ago

Limerick

"I wouldn't be so quick to judge her"

I don't see any judgement in any of the above comments.

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By *eady2mingle42Man
over a year ago

City Centre, d1

If she's a drinker and your somebody who is not,, it's not going to work, unless it comes from her that she wants to stop or not drink as much,, but if she's only drinking less to please you,, there's going to end up been resentment,, and few the comments here, ah sure it's grand,, typical bloody Irish mentality for been piss heads,, and before any yous jump down my throath I'm Irish meself,, a non drinking one lol.

But sorry mate like I was saying it's doomed walk away

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

IMO you can’t help someone in that situation

You can only advise them

Been there with a very close friend

Had to be cruel and walk away as much as it hurted me

It was for the best

The went to the gutter ,,, realised they had nobody and had to help themselves

Went in got the right treatment and never drank again

Admitted to me after that I did the right thing and thanked me

They have to realise they have to admit it and seek help themselves

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By *adhatter and coCouple
over a year ago

Middle of mayo n peaceful tranquility

I’d be very wary . Sounds like there is alcohol dependence there . Seen it first hand and it’s head wrecking

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By *oncupiscent_dreamMan
over a year ago

City

Just normal.

If you stop drinking all together you will notice it, everyone drinks and dies drugs.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Move on OP. Thats far too much drink, been in a relationship similar to this and it wont end well for you.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A glass of wine a night wouldn’t bother me at all but getting d*unk would. It only gets worse with alcohol

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By *asual777Man
over a year ago

i travel all over

"Does she think there is a problem ? "

If she doesn’t want to change , you won’t be able to help her really .

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By *aint_or_SinnerWoman
over a year ago

South County Dublin

I dated an addict for a couple of months a couple of years ago. I knew that he'd been in treatment for a painkiller addiction, successfully, or so I believed. He purported to be "clean". I believed him.

Little by little I got to know the typical addict behaviour - and he wasn't clean. He was a heavy smoker, he got up at 5am to get his caffeine fix...but the most worrying telltale sign was that he would drink more and more in my company as he got more comfortable with me...

When I then realized he started stealing from me - a twenty spot out of my purse here and there, then the cash I had put aside for the children's Christmas gifts mysteriously disappearing in a time only he and I had access to the house...

Once I was sure, I set him up to catch him out in his thievery, which he still denied although practically caught red-handed!!! Alongside denying there was a drinking problem which I carefully had addressed a couple of times - with the same answer OP - sure, I'll do a dry January...

Drinking a full bottle of wine or 5 pints a night for 5 nights a week, in my humble opinion IS alcoholism! Regardless of whether he/she might be able to do a dry January or not.

I had myself and my children to protect. Having given him a number of chances to come clean, excuse the pun, I showed him the door... and even then he was relentless in his pursuit of trying to "win" me back.

I obviously can't and won't tell you what to do. I don't know the ins and outs of the full situation - BUT, reading your additional comments, it doesn't sound healthy AND your gut is obviously telling you that, or you wouldn't have posted here. Therefore I would urge you to look at how YOU are really feeling about this girl - is it just fun, great sex or can you actually see something longer term?

The book always starts with yourself. You can't change anybody else, you can only change your own attitude, behaviour and reaction to others.

My advice - always go with your gut!!!

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By *he MickMan
over a year ago

southside

Of you haven't been seeing her too long just walk away . Plenty more fish in the sea , imo .

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By *ewrideMan
over a year ago

"I wouldn't be so quick to judge her

I don't see any judgement in any of the above comments."

The OP has painted her as a problematic alcoholic

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By *ay_Gatsby_D4Man
over a year ago

City Centre, Dublin

"I wouldn't be so quick to judge her

I don't see any judgement in any of the above comments.

The OP has painted her as a problematic alcoholic"

Because he thinks she may be a problematic alcoholic....

If she were a happy go lucky, ray of sunshine, who drinks once in a blue moon then there’d probably be no need for this thread

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I wouldn't be so quick to judge her

I don't see any judgement in any of the above comments.

The OP has painted her as a problematic alcoholic"

Nope, I just stated the facts and asked for an opinion. It’s you that judged her.

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By *ofusplusCouple
over a year ago

Limerick

"I wouldn't be so quick to judge her

I don't see any judgement in any of the above comments.

The OP has painted her as a problematic alcoholic

Nope, I just stated the facts and asked for an opinion. It’s you that judged her. "

Spot on

Glad to see trolls being shown up for what they are.

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By *ewrideMan
over a year ago

"I wouldn't be so quick to judge her

I don't see any judgement in any of the above comments.

The OP has painted her as a problematic alcoholic

Nope, I just stated the facts and asked for an opinion. It’s you that judged her. "

No, you're projecting.

Elaborate if you want opinions.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I wouldn't be so quick to judge her

I don't see any judgement in any of the above comments.

The OP has painted her as a problematic alcoholic

Nope, I just stated the facts and asked for an opinion. It’s you that judged her.

No, you're projecting.

Elaborate if you want opinions."

That actually makes zero sense. In one hand you seek for someone to elaborate for an opinion and then classify it as a projection.

Make your mind up son.

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By *ublinguy99Man
over a year ago

Dublin South

She's an alcoholic

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By *ealitybitesMan
over a year ago

Belfast

It's all subjective though.

As someone who had never tasted alcohol I've witnessed the effects it can have on relationships, friendships, employment status and general day to day engagement and often been the one having to put the genie back in the bottle, pardon the pun.

I've never been able to understand the attraction and never gave in to pressure from friends and colleagues when they were planning on getting pissed just for the sake of it.

Therefore based on my experience it would be easy for me to point the finger and say that there are many alcoholics posting daily on these very forums based purely on their choice of phrase or obvious denial in other areas.

Then again those same people could point at me and ask what the hell would I know about it?

It's easy to make generalisations based on drip fed information and your own particular outlook.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Feck I've a couple of drinks most evenings. I suppose it depends if she's getting hammered or just having a glass of wine

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By *ewrideMan
over a year ago

That actually makes zero sense. In one hand you seek for someone to elaborate for an opinion and then classify it as a projection.

Make your mind up son. "

OP just says she drinks 5 days a week.

No elaboration on how much or what the consequences of this are, other than it bothers him.

Maybe it's reasonable, but there isn't enough there to tell.

But it gives off a vibe of wanting control.

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By *ig Marko83Man
over a year ago

Co Dublin

"Ok, so I’ve been hanging with this girl and she’s great but she drinks 4 or 5 nights a week. It has been a touchy subject and I’m just looking for another opinion TBH "
why is she drinking has she problems going on under the surface all you can do is talk to her support her ask her to cut back a little

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

That actually makes zero sense. In one hand you seek for someone to elaborate for an opinion and then classify it as a projection.

Make your mind up son.

OP just says she drinks 5 days a week.

No elaboration on how much or what the consequences of this are, other than it bothers him.

Maybe it's reasonable, but there isn't enough there to tell.

But it gives off a vibe of wanting control."

My advice is for you to read the full thread before you post because it is there.

So what exactly are you complaining about now?

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