FabSwingers.com forum: Tips for getting out of that dark space

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

OK so something different this morning but I think talking about mental health should be more open and nothing to be ashamed off. I think a lot of us struggle with it whether it's a small thing or an overwhelming thing.

So why not share some tips you have used that might just help

For Mr

1) a gratitude journal for me it has worked and I know when I miss a few weeks or stop I can the difference

2) sometimes just allowing the feeling to be there, have a good cry or go to bed early but I've learnt not to bring it into the next day.

3) podcasts in particular anything with Gerry Hussey everytime I listen to him I take something from him, his new book Awaken your power within.

4) an exercise I was given is the "things I can control" , look it up it definitely helps

5) and the last thing and the one we are most afraid to do Ask for help you will be surprised at who will actually help , its the biggest step in this journey but its one step

Hope that helps and if not here's a bug squishy hug fir anyone that needs it

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *rmrs1234Couple
over a year ago

Waterford

I meditate when i can. Theres some fabulous music i have saved on youtube but my favourite are nature sounds like waterfalls or waves crashing.

If i feel i need to cry ive been letting myself do it lately. Sometimes i feel a lot better afterwards.

Around my period is always the worst and theres nights when ive thrown on the headphones and had a little dance to a few tunes.

I would say to anyone struggling to talk to people and also make contact with your GP.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *1n_eaterMan
over a year ago

Newcastle

Meditation, running, eating healthy including good prebiotic's such as miso added to soups, and if not getting sex regularly then plenty of self playing

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Went through some terrible months of total discontentment, so low. Inadvertently had a big conversation with my partner. This cloud has just lifted. So talking to someone is key.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ealitybitesMan
over a year ago

Belfast

I can't share any particular tips because in my case the only escape was time.

Many many years of coping without realising that coping was a thing. I accepted my lot and assumed it was no different to everyone else.

Illness just before turning 40 was a wake up call but I still had no idea where to turn or what to do.

The best part of 10 years of self analysis and chatting online with complete strangers across the world but it was just all going around in circles with no forward movement.

At that stage I had a 3 word mantra every single day which was "What's the point?"

It was never dark enough to ever consider self harm, more a resignation that nothing would change.

It did change though before turning 50 when I suddenly realised I wasn't invisible and did have value. I started coming out of the darkness and it was only when I could see light at the end of a very long tunnel that I asked for help and haven't looked back since.

Therefore the best advice I can give is the sooner you reach out and ask for help the sooner the darkness will disappear.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I can't share any particular tips because in my case the only escape was time.

Many many years of coping without realising that coping was a thing. I accepted my lot and assumed it was no different to everyone else.

Illness just before turning 40 was a wake up call but I still had no idea where to turn or what to do.

The best part of 10 years of self analysis and chatting online with complete strangers across the world but it was just all going around in circles with no forward movement.

At that stage I had a 3 word mantra every single day which was "What's the point?"

It was never dark enough to ever consider self harm, more a resignation that nothing would change.

Therefore the best advice I can give is the sooner you reach out and ask for help the sooner the darkness will disappear. "

Inspiring words from a long period of difficulty, well done.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I can't share any particular tips because in my case the only escape was time.

Many many years of coping without realising that coping was a thing. I accepted my lot and assumed it was no different to everyone else.

Illness just before turning 40 was a wake up call but I still had no idea where to turn or what to do.

The best part of 10 years of self analysis and chatting online with complete strangers across the world but it was just all going around in circles with no forward movement.

At that stage I had a 3 word mantra every single day which was "What's the point?"

It was never dark enough to ever consider self harm, more a resignation that nothing would change.

Therefore the best advice I can give is the sooner you reach out and ask for help the sooner the darkness will disappear. "

I think that's what I did, I just accepted that I was on my own and wasn't wanted or loved. So didn't see the point in making an effort now it's like " hang on "

Glad your out of the darkness x

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Talking to someone is definitely be the key and realising it's not just you that's going thro similar that there's a lot more in the same boat

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ottie00Woman
over a year ago

Dublin

I have been through a tough few years as many of my friends know. No matter how hard or how dark things get you are not alone, although it may feel like it.

Love yourself, even if you feel no one else does, you have to start with yourself

Have "a pity party", sit down and cry, be it a sob or uncontrollably, do it!

Most importantly, don't feel ashamed or alone....ask for help or reach out.

You do matter!!!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

DD we have had a good few conversations in relation to mental health. I have share some of my experience strength and hope with you already such as exercise, meditation/mindfulness also talking about it with like minded people who can communicate effectively.

For me my life changed even more after trying and trying to change, almost 7 years ago when i realised that exercise alone was no longer working for me. I ran my body into the ground until a horrible situation totally changed my life for the better.

As i did share with you before professional help is fantastic aswell along with the journal entries because the counsellers are on the outside looking into the situation. Of course finding one that you are comfortable with is important too.

Without going into religion or anything i found a higher power which has been my life saver. However this is'nt for every one either. By the way DD you are a good person and you can chat to me any time. Great topic here thanks.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *eralt80Man
over a year ago

cork

Admitting it and acknowledging there is a problem is the first step. I hid behind school, college or work for years before I ran out of things to hide behind.

My first port of call was my GP, who was my GP all my life. We had a long chat and he referred me onto a psychologist that i was seeing for 9 months.

At the start I wasn’t really taking the counselling seriously, just saying what I thought she wanted to hear, waiting on the quick fix she was going to hand out. But soon after I started I was invented to a house party where I knew only a handful of people and had a fairly bad anxiety attack. Basically I just froze, could barely talk to talk to anyone, even the few that I knew. The following morning I was so angry and cross with myself, and strange as it my sound, mentally exhausted from the night before that I finally accepted that there are no quick fixes.

On my next counselling g session I admitted what had happened, started doing her exercises, mindfulness and CBT mainly. I tried the journal but it wasn’t my thing. I started exercising and took up a few hobbies. I’m started to push myself outside my comfort zone bit by bit. I even joined dating sites and even joined here and believe me a year before joining here this is something I could never have done

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *humper22Woman
over a year ago

waterford

I know I'm on my own here when I say this but talking hasnt helped me at all. I've suffered with depression for many years and have tried several times to end my life but as in still here it hasnt worked. I know my time will come soon and until then I just try to get through one day at a time.

I'm not looking for sympathy just telling my own story

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I can't share any particular tips because in my case the only escape was time.

Many many years of coping without realising that coping was a thing. I accepted my lot and assumed it was no different to everyone else.

Illness just before turning 40 was a wake up call but I still had no idea where to turn or what to do.

The best part of 10 years of self analysis and chatting online with complete strangers across the world but it was just all going around in circles with no forward movement.

At that stage I had a 3 word mantra every single day which was "What's the point?"

It was never dark enough to ever consider self harm, more a resignation that nothing would change.

Therefore the best advice I can give is the sooner you reach out and ask for help the sooner the darkness will disappear. "

Solid post. Like alot of healing it comes with time. Time for realisation of just what you were going through, analysing what went on and how you can help prevent it in the future hopefully.

Look to embrace a positive mindset, find words of affirmation that resonate with you, forgive yourself for things you have done and how you allowed yourself to be treated and give yourself time. It will all come together slowly and eventually you will come together again just don't force it. Feel pain and sadness but also enjoy happiness and get that balance right

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

After my marriage breakdown I definitely was in a very dark place. My workplace were very good to me and arranged some counselling and also my work colleagues and family were a great support. Slowly but surely I’ve got back on my feet and feel In better shape. Definitely talking to someone helps. Exercise is a definite and taking up a hobby put me on a correct path.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ealitybitesMan
over a year ago

Belfast

"I can't share any particular tips because in my case the only escape was time.

Many many years of coping without realising that coping was a thing. I accepted my lot and assumed it was no different to everyone else.

Illness just before turning 40 was a wake up call but I still had no idea where to turn or what to do.

The best part of 10 years of self analysis and chatting online with complete strangers across the world but it was just all going around in circles with no forward movement.

At that stage I had a 3 word mantra every single day which was "What's the point?"

It was never dark enough to ever consider self harm, more a resignation that nothing would change.

Therefore the best advice I can give is the sooner you reach out and ask for help the sooner the darkness will disappear. "

Just to add. I don't spend anytime at all now on self analysis. I've used up my entire quota and have found it to be a much healthier place for me. Despite what I said above about reaching out none of the counselling worked for me. CBT and journals were a waste of my day because I was focusing on that rather than living.

The very act of reaching out was the thing that told me I was on the right path rather than anything that came from it.

My approach now is to do rather than talk about doing because sometimes the more you analyse the more darkness you find.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The very act of reaching out was the thing that told me I was on the right path rather than anything that came from it.

My approach now is to do rather than talk about doing because sometimes the more you analyse the more darkness you find. "

Sometimes I think ignorance is bliss as psychology becomes a bit of a rabbit hole.

Like everything else I hope moving from the self analysis phase comes with time and a few moments of realisation as overthinking is a real drain!

Hoping to keep the head down and go for actions over words and breeze past that part of 'recovering' myself

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *DSGCouple
over a year ago

That place in

"OK so something different this morning but I think talking about mental health should be more open and nothing to be ashamed off. I think a lot of us struggle with it whether it's a small thing or an overwhelming thing.

So why not share some tips you have used that might just help

For Mr

1) a gratitude journal for me it has worked and I know when I miss a few weeks or stop I can the difference

2) sometimes just allowing the feeling to be there, have a good cry or go to bed early but I've learnt not to bring it into the next day.

3) podcasts in particular anything with Gerry Hussey everytime I listen to him I take something from him, his new book Awaken your power within.

4) an exercise I was given is the "things I can control" , look it up it definitely helps

5) and the last thing and the one we are most afraid to do Ask for help you will be surprised at who will actually help , its the biggest step in this journey but its one step

Hope that helps and if not here's a bug squishy hug fir anyone that needs it

2,4&5 worked for me,when my marriage broke up was hard, had to deal with quite a bit and learnt (and at times hated) 'Give time,Time '

Learnt so much about me then and have worked hard at it and yes I do cry still the odd time, l have some amazing friends that I can chat to and they know I'm there for them also, gotta give and take

Hugs are always good and delighted l have gotten a few from you DD x

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *osmicGateMan
over a year ago

louth

Exercise.. Hydrate properly.. Good diet plenty of vit C and zinc

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’ve had periods in my life like this, mainly due to health related issues.

I find my coping mechanism is to withdraw and keep it all in but that brings me down a very dark path.

Things that help me:

Mindfulness

Journaling

Realising that taking care of myself isn’t selfish, it’s the most important thing I can do.

Accepting the things I cannot change and not to think about the what ifs for the future, focus on the now.

When I’m ready I will talk, which brings the crying, let it all out.

Relaxing baths.

Massage

Lavender

And chocolate

If I need medication it’s not a sign of weakness

It’s me being strong and not being afraid to ask for help

Always be kind to yourself xx

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

Post new Message to Thread