FabSwingers.com forum: Closure

By *ed just Red OP Woman
over a year ago

Dublin City

So am chatting with a FFF (female fab friend) about how we’ve both been recently let down.

Ive been ghosted twice since I joined Fab, once in April by a FB of 10mts who had become a really good friend, and more recently by a newer FB of 3mts who I also thought was becoming a friend. I’ve not had an explanation from either of them and while I’m not gutted by their absence from my life, I’d love to know why.

My FFF says that “men don’t do closure” and while she is still pissed off at the FBs who let her down, she’s given up on getting closure.

For those of you on here that have had FBs or FWBs end without explanation, are you ok without closure or what are your feelings on it? It’s completely new to me as I haven’t lost a FB before

. I stay seeing them, for literally years and years in some cases.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The whole point of FBs is that they don't owe you anything, surely? There's no commitment, they've moved on to fresh pastures

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By *amalusMan
over a year ago

Tullamore

"The whole point of FBs is that they don't owe you anything, surely? There's no commitment, they've moved on to fresh pastures"

Yeah but if yer becoming friends and been seeing eachother a long time, surely at the very least you'd have the good manners to say "Hey, not interested in seeing eachother again for XYZ reason, bye, have a good life"?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The whole point of FBs is that they don't owe you anything, surely? There's no commitment, they've moved on to fresh pastures

I'd think it was pretty clear I'd been mistaken in assuming there was a real friendship there.

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By *lan157Man
over a year ago

a village near Haywards Heath in East Sussex

Possibilities can include meets with the same person getting to "samey" with no variety in the play perhaps or one person seemingly becoming to demanding even inadvertently?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The whole point of FBs is that they don't owe you anything, surely? There's no commitment, they've moved on to fresh pastures"

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By *ed just Red OP Woman
over a year ago

Dublin City

"The whole point of FBs is that they don't owe you anything, surely? There's no commitment, they've moved on to fresh pastures"

You just completely missed the point or you’re attempting to have a dig. Either way - nope. That’s not it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Possibilities can include meets with the same person getting to "samey" with no variety in the play perhaps or one person seemingly becoming to demanding even inadvertently? "

Absolutely, the person bemoaning a lack of closure could have behaved in any number of ways that led the other party to decide non-contact was the best option.

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By *ara198Woman
over a year ago

maynooth

"The whole point of FBs is that they don't owe you anything, surely? There's no commitment, they've moved on to fresh pastures"

I agree, you can't expect too much on fab, irrelevant of the time you might be fucking each other. It's truly nsa. It is good manners to say I'm no longer interested but in my experience many cannot accept that and want a long winded explanation as to why etc and then some won't accept it and keep pushing which is not fun. Just move on.

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By *ed just Red OP Woman
over a year ago

Dublin City

"The whole point of FBs is that they don't owe you anything, surely? There's no commitment, they've moved on to fresh pastures

Yeah i think that’s it - plenty of FBs have just faded away - or i have faded away. No biggie. But the ones you knew well, and i mean chats, coffees, not just riding. I don’t do cold sex, I don’t just fuck people and leave. Some are friends.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Closure is as important to men as it is to women. Its more a personality trait than a gender trait in my opinion.

My marraige broke up without much closure tbh..

I've been ghosted having spoken to women on dating sites a few times and it gets frustrating but because I haven't met them I get over it fairly quickly.

I can imagine your situation is much more frustrating.

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By *indenMan
over a year ago

Naas which is South West of Dublin

I’d say some men (not all obviously, and I don’t speak for all) maybe don’t want closure and would like to leave a door slightly ajar incase things change in the future, perhaps the ghosting comes from a change in their circumstances that perhaps they’re not wanting to share.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Recently ended a fwb situation with someone i had know for a while. Explained my reasons why, let her comment and then moved on.

I was married when the whole online dating culture kicked off so dont have much experience with it but people really seem to ghost as standard these days which is wierd to me.

Even in normal life and not just dating. If u dont fancy a night out or a concert just say no, why do people say maybe or possibly when they no they won't turn up and then ignore closer to the time. Always found that strange, automatically no if a couple of friends will make a night out based on initial responses. Guess some ppl don't want to let others down but make it worse in the process

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By *ed just Red OP Woman
over a year ago

Dublin City

"Closure is as important to men as it is to women. Its more a personality trait than a gender trait in my opinion.

My marraige broke up without much closure tbh..

I've been ghosted having spoken to women on dating sites a few times and it gets frustrating but because I haven't met them I get over it fairly quickly.

I can imagine your situation is much more frustrating. "

Ok - that makes more sense. I have drifted from FB situations, and start plenty of chats on here that just end, but never where we’ve been friends and lovers for a good while. It’s frustrating because you end up worrying about them. Then you think you’re a loon when you know you aren’t.

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By *ed just Red OP Woman
over a year ago

Dublin City

"Recently ended a fwb situation with someone i had know for a while. Explained my reasons why, let her comment and then moved on.

I was married when the whole online dating culture kicked off so dont have much experience with it but people really seem to ghost as standard these days which is wierd to me.

That’s exactly it - they’ve made it completely worse - where is ZERO evidence to suggest there may have been drama and even in one came, a get-out had already been offered. One situ could have been coming to a natural end but I’m now I’m eternally confused and a bit pissed off. Haven’t made any attempt to get in touch with either of them but I’m just interested in the closure thing.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's just an evolution of the everything available by a click or swipe times we're in. People are becoming used to instant gratification with little or no effort and so there's no emotional attachment.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It's just an evolution of the everything available by a click or swipe times we're in. People are becoming used to instant gratification with little or no effort and so there's no emotional attachment. "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes it happens yes it sucks but you can't take it personally. I think it's the modern world we live in everything is so disposal there's no consequences for ghosting. But sometimes ghosts have a habit of resurrecting back from the dead into your inbox and that's another problem!

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By *osmicGateMan
over a year ago

louth

Well I think 10 months and 3 months out of a fb is more than enough.. Like others have said they owe you nothing so move on find another dick..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Well I think 10 months and 3 months out of a fb is more than enough.. Like others have said they owe you nothing so move on find another dick.. "
.

There are thousands of dicks here

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By *indenMan
over a year ago

Naas which is South West of Dublin

"Well I think 10 months and 3 months out of a fb is more than enough.. Like others have said they owe you nothing so move on find another dick.. .

There are thousands of dicks here

And some have cocks…

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By *Sparkie.Man
over a year ago

Ratoath

I've seen it happen before to me on 2 occasions, it took a while but both miraculously reappeared in my inbox and took from where we left off, no explanation was given nor did I look for one, I did want to ask but never did as this is an NSA venture.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Well I think 10 months and 3 months out of a fb is more than enough.. Like others have said they owe you nothing so move on find another dick.. .

There are thousands of dicks here

Plenty more dick in the sea

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Closure is as important to men as it is to women. Its more a personality trait than a gender trait in my opinion.

My marraige broke up without much closure tbh..

I've been ghosted having spoken to women on dating sites a few times and it gets frustrating but because I haven't met them I get over it fairly quickly.

I can imagine your situation is much more frustrating.

Regardless of the arrangement you obviously have some bond to be an FB in the first place so for it to end with no explanation is frustrating. I get your point totally.

If you can see that they are still here and playing then you have nothing to worry about and they don't deserve it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yea its just an empathy thing I think or lack there of at times. Also that slightly selfish streak ppl have to look after themselves at not consider how their actions could impact others. Plus the whole throwaway society issue someone summed up nicely above. Fb situations are always a grey area but a simple explanation or comment/message can at least mean the other person involved doesnt end up confused and looking at themselves.

Sometimes we just have to give ourselves the closure that others didnt give to us and thats not easy. Time and eventually the realisation ur better than what happened normally helps but again something that's easier said than done.

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By *etmebeurfantasyWoman
over a year ago

My town

Personally I think it’s a pretty shifty thing to do, even a fwb it’s a relationship purely on friends.

Yes I get they might not think they owe you that, but for me I’d like a reason. Sometimes the not knowing what happened is worse than the reason once you know you can move on

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If theres been a sort of pattern of back and forth texting and meeting over months that ends inexplicably for sure id be confused and a bit pissed off alright. That level of connection deserves some respect.

It would be on my mind, id give it a while but then id just park it and say fuck 'em.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If theres been a sort of pattern of back and forth texting and meeting over months that ends inexplicably for sure id be confused and a bit pissed off alright. That level of connection deserves some respect.

It would be on my mind, id give it a while but then id just park it and say fuck 'em.

Exactamundo!!

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By *ealitybitesMan
over a year ago

Belfast

I've been accused of doing this but from my point of view I'd done nothing of the sort.

This was a few years ago and she wanted an exclusive fwb arrangement which was only one way.

In other words she reserved the right to continue to meet a number of others but didn't want me doing likewise.

I therefore told her from the start I had no interest in this arrangement but she chose to ignore that part of the conversation.

When I stopped chatting she told mutual friends a different story but fortunately for me they were well aware of what was happening.

I had closure but it took her much longer to find it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Op I know how you feel. When I first joined I met a guy and over the next year we were fwb, lots of sex, lots of afternoon's off work in bed, trip to the gym, cinema, meals out. Considered him a good friend, I knew he was meeting other people and it never bothered me as I didn't want a relationship. He ended up coupling up with another fabber and literally I was ghosted. I hate that I lost a friend but at end of day his loss

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What Id hope for is something straightforward like 'Sorry this is not for me anymore, thanks for the fun times'

Its respectful but no big explanations or drama. No need to be in anyones business.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

People ghost on fwb relationships for a myriad of reasons. Perhaps they met someone wonderful and decided to give a commited monogamous relationship a go.

Or maybe they were getting bored and they met someone new and exciting?

I was seeing a much younger woman for over two years, we didn't have anything in common except for we both had penchant for hours of hot passionate sex. During the two years she had a few fairly serious relationship with guys, although she would still call to me for regular sessions. Eventually she just ghosted me for some inexplicable

reason, so I guess she eventually found herself someone who was taller, richer and better looking and who has a bigger penis.

I find it helps enormously to have a much more philosophical attitude to fwb relationships. If someone wants to leave, just let them leave.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Even ghosted a couple of times, and like you, thought things were going well and then suddenly, silence. It does suck and you do take it a bit personally but, at the end of the day, this sight does cater to fleeting experiences so it could be a case that they lost interest or something occurred in Their lives that took precedence. Whatever the reason, try not to take it personally, they burned that bridge. Not you

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Whether it be here or elsewhere.majority of nsa /friendships will end with no closure or particular reasoning other than the person is moving on to newer things and people.

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By *ineapple_PrincessWoman
over a year ago

in the waves

"I’d say some men (not all obviously, and I don’t speak for all) maybe don’t want closure and would like to leave a door slightly ajar incase things change in the future, perhaps the ghosting comes from a change in their circumstances that perhaps they’re not wanting to share."

This is my experience. And most of them come back at some stage looking to sneak back into your knickers.

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By *oft_sexy_sweetWoman
over a year ago

Dublin

"So am chatting with a FFF (female fab friend) about how we’ve both been recently let down.

My FFF says that “men don’t do closure” and while she is still pissed off at the FBs who let her down, she’s given up on getting closure.

For those of you on here that have had FBs or FWBs end without explanation, are you ok without closure or what are your feelings on it? It’s completely new to me as I haven’t lost a FB before

. I stay seeing them, for literally years and years in some cases."

It's completely shitty and not on to ghost someone you've known and have been fucking for months, absolutely dirt behaviour. Should they have given you a goodbye and an explanation, of course they should. But now they've showed you their true colours, it would be foolish to expect anything more from them. Only you can give yourself closure.

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By *3nsesMan
over a year ago

Dublin

Most Irish people hate any type of confrontation and will avoid it all costs. It is fairly common behavior and rarely has any reflection on the person on the receiving end.

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By *asual777Man
over a year ago

i travel all over

If you pick the next fwb well he might stick around indefinitely

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"So am chatting with a FFF (female fab friend) about how we’ve both been recently let down.

My FFF says that “men don’t do closure” and while she is still pissed off at the FBs who let her down, she’s given up on getting closure.

For those of you on here that have had FBs or FWBs end without explanation, are you ok without closure or what are your feelings on it? It’s completely new to me as I haven’t lost a FB before

. I stay seeing them, for literally years and years in some cases."

Maybe they thought it was getting too relationshippy and decided to cut ties? It's still shitty to not explain that, but it could be one reason.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The whole point of FBs is that they don't owe you anything, surely? There's no commitment, they've moved on to fresh pastures

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Possibilities can include meets with the same person getting to "samey" with no variety in the play perhaps or one person seemingly becoming to demanding even inadvertently?

Absolutely, the person bemoaning a lack of closure could have behaved in any number of ways that led the other party to decide non-contact was the best option. "
yes but is it not good idea just to say hey lost interest or whatever even if the other person was getting clingy or whatever reason just to close the door?

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By *etmebeurfantasyWoman
over a year ago

My town

"Possibilities can include meets with the same person getting to "samey" with no variety in the play perhaps or one person seemingly becoming to demanding even inadvertently?

Absolutely, the person bemoaning a lack of closure could have behaved in any number of ways that led the other party to decide non-contact was the best option. yes but is it not good idea just to say hey lost interest or whatever even if the other person was getting clingy or whatever reason just to close the door? "
but without a explanation you ain’t given that person the right to know, look in a way your friends it’s a kinda relationship friendship firstly don’t the person deserve why it’s ending they was good enough to start the fwb with have same respect to say why it’s not working

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By *ineapple_PrincessWoman
over a year ago

in the waves

As someone else said above most people don't like conflict and its easier just to disappear than have an awkward conversation. Personally I think it's cowardly and disrespectful. But it happens all the time now with the Internet. Its easy just to disregard people and move on to the next best thing.

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By *oghunter33Woman
over a year ago

on the hill NordWest of

Hard to comment on an individual situation as there's two people involved and we only heard the one side. First impression is that one side read more into it than the other.

For me an fb is a very loose arrangement, it last as long as both enjoy it. I would never take anything for granted and when contact ceases, then no answer means no interest (anymore). No need for closure, it only has the potential for drama, just treasure the good memories from the time it lasted.

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By *ed just Red OP Woman
over a year ago

Dublin City

"As someone else said above most people don't like conflict and its easier just to disappear than have an awkward conversation. Personally I think it's cowardly and disrespectful. But it happens all the time now with the Internet. Its easy just to disregard people and move on to the next best thing.

Ah I’m long moved on and they are both replaced. I suppose I’m not used to someone behaving like that towards me, towards anyone. Dumped plenty of times when I was younger but the “honour among thieves” adage suits here. We’ve all drifted from people we don’t have a connection with but having no closure after a firm friendship is a sucker punch.

As for leaving the door open?? LOL. Nope. Door is firmly closed. I’ve basic rules, no lies and no drama. Both did both in spades.

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By *ensualandslow321Man
over a year ago

Tullamore

I think ghosting is a coward's way out and the height of bad manners. Everyone deserves respect and if someone wants to stop seeing someone, the least they should do is man/woman up and just say so and both parties can move on without leaving residual empty feelings.

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By *ustBoWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in Co. Down

For me a FB and Fwb are different .A Fwb is someone I consider to be a friend as well so ye I'd be pissed off if they ghosted me .A FB is just someone I meet for sex and while I like them they wouldn't be friend as such but even then I would tell them if I didn't want to meet again if we had met regularly before. And I'd like to think they would say the same to me.If they didn't then I'd just forget about them they wouldn't be worth spending time thinking about.

While yes technically no one owes someone a reason why they don't want to meet again in a lot of cases as an adult I would hope most could act with common courtesy towards others on here if you have met them regularly .

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By *eterdunneMan
over a year ago

leixlip

"So am chatting with a FFF (female fab friend) about how we’ve both been recently let down.

My FFF says that “men don’t do closure” and while she is still pissed off at the FBs who let her down, she’s given up on getting closure.

For those of you on here that have had FBs or FWBs end without explanation, are you ok without closure or what are your feelings on it? It’s completely new to me as I haven’t lost a FB before

. I stay seeing them, for literally years and years in some cases."

Ghosting is wrong by either party. Its just manners and respect.

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