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Shower thoughts

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By *affa31 OP   Woman
over a year ago

Galway

Myself and the voices in my head have great conversations in the shower. Today’s one…

Is one of the problems with the “casual sex scene” (I’m not gonna saying swinging so that I don’t trigger the purists) that the majority of people grow up hearing that women always want more than sex, they want a relationship. I think most women on the dating/casual sex scene would have experienced being met with disbelief when you say you just want something casual.

Does this lingering belief mean that some (not all men etc etc) are intimidated/confused/refuse to believe women who are sexually liberated and just want some damn good sex without the icky relationship stuff

Join in with the conversation between me and me or post your own shower thoughts!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Cant say ive come across that issue with anyone Jaffa.

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By *ealitybitesMan
over a year ago

Belfast

I use the word journey all the time to describe where I've come from and why I'm here so I'll always prefer to chat to women who are not overly experienced and are exploring things for the first time and are on their own journey of discovery.

That takes trust and is a little less casual.

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By *affa31 OP   Woman
over a year ago

Galway


"Cant say ive come across that issue with anyone Jaffa. "

The exception to the rule? I’m glad you haven’t

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I just think I'm that fooking irresistible that no gender could only want a hook up with me tbh....

I do think for what ever reason that less women are interested in casual sex than men. So the worry is founded in some level of experiance for most of us

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By *affa31 OP   Woman
over a year ago

Galway


"I use the word journey all the time to describe where I've come from and why I'm here so I'll always prefer to chat to women who are not overly experienced and are exploring things for the first time and are on their own journey of discovery.

That takes trust and is a little less casual. "

Do you begin a monogamous relationship with people whose journey you are part of?

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By *affa31 OP   Woman
over a year ago

Galway


"I just think I'm that fooking irresistible that no gender could only want a hook up with me tbh....

I do think for what ever reason that less women are interested in casual sex than men. So the worry is founded in some level of experiance for most of us"

Would you agree that the lack of interest from some women in casual sex is due to it being frowned upon by “polite society” and the fear of being slut shamed?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I just think I'm that fooking irresistible that no gender could only want a hook up with me tbh....

I do think for what ever reason that less women are interested in casual sex than men. So the worry is founded in some level of experiance for most of us"

the 'for whatever reason' is purely social conditioning in my opinion. challenge your conditioning!!

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By *ealitybitesMan
over a year ago

Belfast


"I use the word journey all the time to describe where I've come from and why I'm here so I'll always prefer to chat to women who are not overly experienced and are exploring things for the first time and are on their own journey of discovery.

That takes trust and is a little less casual.

Do you begin a monogamous relationship with people whose journey you are part of?"

Not necessarily. That depends on the level of discussion.

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By *affa31 OP   Woman
over a year ago

Galway


"I use the word journey all the time to describe where I've come from and why I'm here so I'll always prefer to chat to women who are not overly experienced and are exploring things for the first time and are on their own journey of discovery.

That takes trust and is a little less casual.

Do you begin a monogamous relationship with people whose journey you are part of?

Not necessarily. That depends on the level of discussion. "

Apologies, I should have said committed relationship rather than monogamous. Monogamy doesn’t need to be part of it but would you class it as more than a fwb agreement?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I just think I'm that fooking irresistible that no gender could only want a hook up with me tbh....

I do think for what ever reason that less women are interested in casual sex than men. So the worry is founded in some level of experiance for most of us

Would you agree that the lack of interest from some women in casual sex is due to it being frowned upon by “polite society” and the fear of being slut shamed?"

Absolutely...

To be honest I'm more likely to be the one wanting more these days and I've known plenty women who want nothing more than the sex so I'm well aware that Gender isn't the deciding factor.

But what we hear growing up is born out in practice

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By *ealitybitesMan
over a year ago

Belfast


"I use the word journey all the time to describe where I've come from and why I'm here so I'll always prefer to chat to women who are not overly experienced and are exploring things for the first time and are on their own journey of discovery.

That takes trust and is a little less casual.

Do you begin a monogamous relationship with people whose journey you are part of?

Not necessarily. That depends on the level of discussion.

Apologies, I should have said committed relationship rather than monogamous. Monogamy doesn’t need to be part of it but would you class it as more than a fwb agreement?"

Yes that would be a good description.

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By *indenMan
over a year ago

Naas which is South West of Dublin

Personally I find that it starts out that way, just something casual, FWB or FB’s but then people want something more, and I’m sure it happens the other way around also, and I’m certainly not saying that it’s alway like that, and if it does happen then brilliant, as long as both people are on the same page.

I’m sure I’m not that loveable (so it must be just the good sex ) but this has happened to me a few times in the past, not that it’s put me off or that I believe this is always the case which I’m sure it isn’t.

Also I have a speaker in the shower especially to drown out the voices in my head…

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By *affa31 OP   Woman
over a year ago

Galway


" Also I have a speaker in the shower especially to drown out the voices in my head… "

I have music blaring in the shower but perhaps that just eggs the voices on

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Personally I find that it starts out that way, just something casual, FWB or FB’s but then people want something more, and I’m sure it happens the other way around also, and I’m certainly not saying that it’s alway like that, and if it does happen then brilliant, as long as both people are on the same page.

I’m sure I’m not that loveable (so it must be just the good sex ) but this has happened to me a few times in the past, not that it’s put me off or that I believe this is always the case which I’m sure it isn’t.

Also I have a speaker in the shower especially to drown out the voices in my head… "

if the sex is good and you get on its hard not to get the feels on one side or the other its true. sex is an intimate act after all. but i think even getting the feels is ok as long as people are communicating their boundaries and expectations. we are hardwired for love after all

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By *affa31 OP   Woman
over a year ago

Galway

I suppose I’m talking about the members who are all talk, no action so to speak. The ones who go so far as to organise a meet and then back out if it or disappear. Do they get spooked because deep down they can’t handle the thought that someone just wants to shag and leave it at that?

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By *indenMan
over a year ago

Naas which is South West of Dublin


" Also I have a speaker in the shower especially to drown out the voices in my head…

I have music blaring in the shower but perhaps that just eggs the voices on "

I’ve had that problem too, so sometimes I listen to interesting monologues compilations from movies, or stand up comedians I like….

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I suppose I’m talking about the members who are all talk, no action so to speak. The ones who go so far as to organise a meet and then back out if it or disappear. Do they get spooked because deep down they can’t handle the thought that someone just wants to shag and leave it at that?"

No I think it's more that the wife was being a bit suspicious that night

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By *ustBoWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in Co. Down


"I suppose I’m talking about the members who are all talk, no action so to speak. The ones who go so far as to organise a meet and then back out if it or disappear. Do they get spooked because deep down they can’t handle the thought that someone just wants to shag and leave it at that?"

I'd say a lot of them never had an intention of meeting in the first place but just loved the excitement of the build up to a meet and the thought that someone wanted them then nerves take hold and they can't go through with it because they have built up a fake persona or something .

I don't know why people do it but they do seemingly and it just seems like a lot of effort for nothing.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I suppose I’m talking about the members who are all talk, no action so to speak. The ones who go so far as to organise a meet and then back out if it or disappear. Do they get spooked because deep down they can’t handle the thought that someone just wants to shag and leave it at that?"

Reckon some are happy enough with the gratification of being desired on any level.. Even as little as an online chat and an interest in meeting..

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By *affa31 OP   Woman
over a year ago

Galway


" Also I have a speaker in the shower especially to drown out the voices in my head…

I have music blaring in the shower but perhaps that just eggs the voices on

I’ve had that problem too, so sometimes I listen to interesting monologues compilations from movies, or stand up comedians I like…. "

Ara now who could possibly be more interesting than your own internal monologue.

Also, apparently some people don’t experience an internal monologue which baffles me

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By *affa31 OP   Woman
over a year ago

Galway


"I suppose I’m talking about the members who are all talk, no action so to speak. The ones who go so far as to organise a meet and then back out if it or disappear. Do they get spooked because deep down they can’t handle the thought that someone just wants to shag and leave it at that?

I'd say a lot of them never had an intention of meeting in the first place but just loved the excitement of the build up to a meet and the thought that someone wanted them then nerves take hold and they can't go through with it because they have built up a fake persona or something .

I don't know why people do it but they do seemingly and it just seems like a lot of effort for nothing. "

I agree that this can often be the case. For some people it’s more about the chase than the end game.

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By *affa31 OP   Woman
over a year ago

Galway


"I suppose I’m talking about the members who are all talk, no action so to speak. The ones who go so far as to organise a meet and then back out if it or disappear. Do they get spooked because deep down they can’t handle the thought that someone just wants to shag and leave it at that?

Reckon some are happy enough with the gratification of being desired on any level.. Even as little as an online chat and an interest in meeting.. "

I want you to want me…

I don’t know the rest of the lyrics

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By *ealitybitesMan
over a year ago

Belfast


"I suppose I’m talking about the members who are all talk, no action so to speak. The ones who go so far as to organise a meet and then back out if it or disappear. Do they get spooked because deep down they can’t handle the thought that someone just wants to shag and leave it at that?"

I've only ever had one spontaneous meet with someone suffering hangover horn and even though it broke all my own rules and I'd only started chatting the day before I went along.

Less than 30 mins later I was back in the car on my way. I was fully dressed the entire time and it was all about her pleasure.

She messaged to thank me that night and then blocked me.

I've no regrets over it but I found her reaction odd at the time.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


" Also I have a speaker in the shower especially to drown out the voices in my head…

I have music blaring in the shower but perhaps that just eggs the voices on

I’ve had that problem too, so sometimes I listen to interesting monologues compilations from movies, or stand up comedians I like….

Ara now who could possibly be more interesting than your own internal monologue.

Also, apparently some people don’t experience an internal monologue which baffles me "

I call them "The Whistlers". Daily earworm is the height of inner workings..

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By *affa31 OP   Woman
over a year ago

Galway


"I suppose I’m talking about the members who are all talk, no action so to speak. The ones who go so far as to organise a meet and then back out if it or disappear. Do they get spooked because deep down they can’t handle the thought that someone just wants to shag and leave it at that?

No I think it's more that the wife was being a bit suspicious that night"

Surely not every single (not so single) one of them are married?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I suppose I’m talking about the members who are all talk, no action so to speak. The ones who go so far as to organise a meet and then back out if it or disappear. Do they get spooked because deep down they can’t handle the thought that someone just wants to shag and leave it at that?

Reckon some are happy enough with the gratification of being desired on any level.. Even as little as an online chat and an interest in meeting..

I want you to want me…

I don’t know the rest of the lyrics "

Speaking of earworms! Ffs Jaffa

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By *affa31 OP   Woman
over a year ago

Galway


"I suppose I’m talking about the members who are all talk, no action so to speak. The ones who go so far as to organise a meet and then back out if it or disappear. Do they get spooked because deep down they can’t handle the thought that someone just wants to shag and leave it at that?

I've only ever had one spontaneous meet with someone suffering hangover horn and even though it broke all my own rules and I'd only started chatting the day before I went along.

Less than 30 mins later I was back in the car on my way. I was fully dressed the entire time and it was all about her pleasure.

She messaged to thank me that night and then blocked me.

I've no regrets over it but I found her reaction odd at the time. "

I’m not talking about meets that actually happen though…

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By *affa31 OP   Woman
over a year ago

Galway


"I suppose I’m talking about the members who are all talk, no action so to speak. The ones who go so far as to organise a meet and then back out if it or disappear. Do they get spooked because deep down they can’t handle the thought that someone just wants to shag and leave it at that?

Reckon some are happy enough with the gratification of being desired on any level.. Even as little as an online chat and an interest in meeting..

I want you to want me…

I don’t know the rest of the lyrics

Speaking of earworms! Ffs Jaffa "

You are welcome my dear.

Could be worse, you could be me just repeating that line over and over again cause I don’t know the rest

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I suppose I’m talking about the members who are all talk, no action so to speak. The ones who go so far as to organise a meet and then back out if it or disappear. Do they get spooked because deep down they can’t handle the thought that someone just wants to shag and leave it at that?

No I think it's more that the wife was being a bit suspicious that night

Surely not every single (not so single) one of them are married?"

wheres the emoji with the zipper mouth... i need it.. now

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By *indenMan
over a year ago

Naas which is South West of Dublin


"Personally I find that it starts out that way, just something casual, FWB or FB’s but then people want something more, and I’m sure it happens the other way around also, and I’m certainly not saying that it’s alway like that, and if it does happen then brilliant, as long as both people are on the same page.

I’m sure I’m not that loveable (so it must be just the good sex ) but this has happened to me a few times in the past, not that it’s put me off or that I believe this is always the case which I’m sure it isn’t.

Also I have a speaker in the shower especially to drown out the voices in my head…

if the sex is good and you get on its hard not to get the feels on one side or the other its true. sex is an intimate act after all. but i think even getting the feels is ok as long as people are communicating their boundaries and expectations. we are hardwired for love after all "

Yes, this exactly….

I’m always afraid I’m going to be the one wanting more, I don’t always think sex is just a physical thing, or not for me anyway, there has to be some sort of connection or attraction there, so I think communication is very important.

I think beyond feelings, circumstances will dictate how things progress, or for me anyway. If I’m not in a position to progress to another level then I find it easier to maintain the casual status.

I stood in the doorway of a girls house one morning and as I was leaving she asks me if she could see me again and I told her I wasn’t looking for anything serious, to which she replied “well at your age you’d want to hurry up”….. and this was years ago….

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Personally I find that it starts out that way, just something casual, FWB or FB’s but then people want something more, and I’m sure it happens the other way around also, and I’m certainly not saying that it’s alway like that, and if it does happen then brilliant, as long as both people are on the same page.

I’m sure I’m not that loveable (so it must be just the good sex ) but this has happened to me a few times in the past, not that it’s put me off or that I believe this is always the case which I’m sure it isn’t.

Also I have a speaker in the shower especially to drown out the voices in my head…

if the sex is good and you get on its hard not to get the feels on one side or the other its true. sex is an intimate act after all. but i think even getting the feels is ok as long as people are communicating their boundaries and expectations. we are hardwired for love after all

Yes, this exactly….

I’m always afraid I’m going to be the one wanting more, I don’t always think sex is just a physical thing, or not for me anyway, there has to be some sort of connection or attraction there, so I think communication is very important.

I think beyond feelings, circumstances will dictate how things progress, or for me anyway. If I’m not in a position to progress to another level then I find it easier to maintain the casual status.

I stood in the doorway of a girls house one morning and as I was leaving she asks me if she could see me again and I told her I wasn’t looking for anything serious, to which she replied “well at your age you’d want to hurry up”….. and this was years ago…. "

jaysis

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By *ol_ieMan
over a year ago

Dublin west

I want you to want me..

I need you to need me...

I love you to love me...

See even in the zone it gets messy... Lol

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By *affa31 OP   Woman
over a year ago

Galway


"I want you to want me..

I need you to need me...

I love you to love me...

See even in the zone it gets messy... Lol "

Ah jaysus even the song wants a relationship

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By *ol_ieMan
over a year ago

Dublin west


"I want you to want me..

I need you to need me...

I love you to love me...

See even in the zone it gets messy... Lol

Ah jaysus even the song wants a relationship"

I'd settle for the ride at this stage.. Its been a long time..

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By *eterdunneMan
over a year ago

leixlip


"Myself and the voices in my head have great conversations in the shower. Today’s one…

Is one of the problems with the “casual sex scene” (I’m not gonna saying swinging so that I don’t trigger the purists) that the majority of people grow up hearing that women always want more than sex, they want a relationship. I think most women on the dating/casual sex scene would have experienced being met with disbelief when you say you just want something casual.

Does this lingering belief mean that some (not all men etc etc) are intimidated/confused/refuse to believe women who are sexually liberated and just want some damn good sex without the icky relationship stuff

Join in with the conversation between me and me or post your own shower thoughts!"

I think that men can happily accept that idea but so few women openly state it. Maybe for fear of being inundated by Willy pics and proposals of the best sex of their lives. Maybe because the ratio here allows them to be picky, I don't know. I wish more women would just say so, if that is all they need.

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By *affa31 OP   Woman
over a year ago

Galway


"Myself and the voices in my head have great conversations in the shower. Today’s one…

Is one of the problems with the “casual sex scene” (I’m not gonna saying swinging so that I don’t trigger the purists) that the majority of people grow up hearing that women always want more than sex, they want a relationship. I think most women on the dating/casual sex scene would have experienced being met with disbelief when you say you just want something casual.

Does this lingering belief mean that some (not all men etc etc) are intimidated/confused/refuse to believe women who are sexually liberated and just want some damn good sex without the icky relationship stuff

Join in with the conversation between me and me or post your own shower thoughts!

I think that men can happily accept that idea but so few women openly state it. Maybe for fear of being inundated by Willy pics and proposals of the best sex of their lives. Maybe because the ratio here allows them to be picky, I don't know. I wish more women would just say so, if that is all they need. "

Do you not think that most women on fab are looking for something on the casual side, be it fwb or even more casual?

Obviously some are looking for a partner on here but I would have said they were in the minority.

Why are you presuming that those who don’t state it want more?

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By *affa31 OP   Woman
over a year ago

Galway


"I want you to want me..

I need you to need me...

I love you to love me...

See even in the zone it gets messy... Lol

Ah jaysus even the song wants a relationship

I'd settle for the ride at this stage.. Its been a long time.. "

But are you settling for the ride or is the ride the goal?

For me, the ride is the goal

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Myself and the voices in my head have great conversations in the shower. Today’s one…

Is one of the problems with the “casual sex scene” (I’m not gonna saying swinging so that I don’t trigger the purists) that the majority of people grow up hearing that women always want more than sex, they want a relationship. I think most women on the dating/casual sex scene would have experienced being met with disbelief when you say you just want something casual.

Does this lingering belief mean that some (not all men etc etc) are intimidated/confused/refuse to believe women who are sexually liberated and just want some damn good sex without the icky relationship stuff

Join in with the conversation between me and me or post your own shower thoughts!

I think that men can happily accept that idea but so few women openly state it. Maybe for fear of being inundated by Willy pics and proposals of the best sex of their lives. Maybe because the ratio here allows them to be picky, I don't know. I wish more women would just say so, if that is all they need.

Do you not think that most women on fab are looking for something on the casual side, be it fwb or even more casual?

Obviously some are looking for a partner on here but I would have said they were in the minority.

Why are you presuming that those who don’t state it want more?"

Also there is a difference between wanting casual nsa sex and wanting it with anyone and everyone

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By *affa31 OP   Woman
over a year ago

Galway


"Myself and the voices in my head have great conversations in the shower. Today’s one…

Is one of the problems with the “casual sex scene” (I’m not gonna saying swinging so that I don’t trigger the purists) that the majority of people grow up hearing that women always want more than sex, they want a relationship. I think most women on the dating/casual sex scene would have experienced being met with disbelief when you say you just want something casual.

Does this lingering belief mean that some (not all men etc etc) are intimidated/confused/refuse to believe women who are sexually liberated and just want some damn good sex without the icky relationship stuff

Join in with the conversation between me and me or post your own shower thoughts!

I think that men can happily accept that idea but so few women openly state it. Maybe for fear of being inundated by Willy pics and proposals of the best sex of their lives. Maybe because the ratio here allows them to be picky, I don't know. I wish more women would just say so, if that is all they need.

Do you not think that most women on fab are looking for something on the casual side, be it fwb or even more casual?

Obviously some are looking for a partner on here but I would have said they were in the minority.

Why are you presuming that those who don’t state it want more?

Also there is a difference between wanting casual nsa sex and wanting it with anyone and everyone "

Are there really people who will fuck literally anyone though?

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By *og-ManMan
over a year ago

somewhere

I remember when I met a woman on her own on here for the first time

I was totally confused so I must have bored half the site asking questions

I'd never been with a woman who just wanted sex and not some sort of relationship

I'd never had sex without the relationship

Confused.com I certainly was and the thing that surprised me was the answers I got when I asked in the forums.." How do you not fall for or try to have a relationship with someone you're having sex with"

You lot were supportive to this idiot and I'm still grateful

Still figuring it out but isnt that the journey we all make

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By *affa31 OP   Woman
over a year ago

Galway


"I remember when I met a woman on her own on here for the first time

I was totally confused so I must have bored half the site asking questions

I'd never been with a woman who just wanted sex and not some sort of relationship

I'd never had sex without the relationship

Confused.com I certainly was and the thing that surprised me was the answers I got when I asked in the forums.." How do you not fall for or try to have a relationship with someone you're having sex with"

You lot were supportive to this idiot and I'm still grateful

Still figuring it out but isnt that the journey we all make "

In hindsight, why do you think you were confused about a woman wanting sex and not a relationship?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Myself and the voices in my head have great conversations in the shower. Today’s one…

Is one of the problems with the “casual sex scene” (I’m not gonna saying swinging so that I don’t trigger the purists) that the majority of people grow up hearing that women always want more than sex, they want a relationship. I think most women on the dating/casual sex scene would have experienced being met with disbelief when you say you just want something casual.

Does this lingering belief mean that some (not all men etc etc) are intimidated/confused/refuse to believe women who are sexually liberated and just want some damn good sex without the icky relationship stuff

Join in with the conversation between me and me or post your own shower thoughts!

I think that men can happily accept that idea but so few women openly state it. Maybe for fear of being inundated by Willy pics and proposals of the best sex of their lives. Maybe because the ratio here allows them to be picky, I don't know. I wish more women would just say so, if that is all they need.

Do you not think that most women on fab are looking for something on the casual side, be it fwb or even more casual?

Obviously some are looking for a partner on here but I would have said they were in the minority.

Why are you presuming that those who don’t state it want more?

Also there is a difference between wanting casual nsa sex and wanting it with anyone and everyone

Are there really people who will fuck literally anyone though? "

I think there are. But very few... I was more responding to the other posters comment "Maybe because the ratio here allows them to be picky" I think they are two different things

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By *og-ManMan
over a year ago

somewhere


"I remember when I met a woman on her own on here for the first time

I was totally confused so I must have bored half the site asking questions

I'd never been with a woman who just wanted sex and not some sort of relationship

I'd never had sex without the relationship

Confused.com I certainly was and the thing that surprised me was the answers I got when I asked in the forums.." How do you not fall for or try to have a relationship with someone you're having sex with"

You lot were supportive to this idiot and I'm still grateful

Still figuring it out but isnt that the journey we all make

In hindsight, why do you think you were confused about a woman wanting sex and not a relationship?"

Because I met someone when I was young and didnt go through a casual sex phase

I mean you couldn't even buy condoms in Dublin and Aids ads were everywhere

I've said in the past when I joined I felt intimidated by the women on here...they know what they want,how to get it,who to get it with.

A completely new experience for me.

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By *affa31 OP   Woman
over a year ago

Galway


"I remember when I met a woman on her own on here for the first time

I was totally confused so I must have bored half the site asking questions

I'd never been with a woman who just wanted sex and not some sort of relationship

I'd never had sex without the relationship

Confused.com I certainly was and the thing that surprised me was the answers I got when I asked in the forums.." How do you not fall for or try to have a relationship with someone you're having sex with"

You lot were supportive to this idiot and I'm still grateful

Still figuring it out but isnt that the journey we all make

In hindsight, why do you think you were confused about a woman wanting sex and not a relationship?

Because I met someone when I was young and didnt go through a casual sex phase

I mean you couldn't even buy condoms in Dublin and Aids ads were everywhere

I've said in the past when I joined I felt intimidated by the women on here...they know what they want,how to get it,who to get it with.

A completely new experience for me.

"

So your beliefs around casual sex were shaped by so called societal norms?

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By *aint_or_SinnerWoman
over a year ago

South County Dublin


" Also I have a speaker in the shower especially to drown out the voices in my head…

I have music blaring in the shower but perhaps that just eggs the voices on

I’ve had that problem too, so sometimes I listen to interesting monologues compilations from movies, or stand up comedians I like….

Ara now who could possibly be more interesting than your own internal monologue.

Also, apparently some people don’t experience an internal monologue which baffles me "

I have daily full-blown conversations with myself, with others and imaginary people, not only in the shower either - does that make me weird?

As for the original post - I'm not just looking for a good shag or hot, steamy sex. Though I have had the luck of a few once-offs here, leaving me breathless. Circumstances didn't permit a follow-up at the time.

I look for intimacy. For there to be intimacy, there has to be a closeness, a relaxed, warm, friendly, trusting athmosphere, a willingness to be vulnerable and allow the other "in". I've found that first time or once-off sex with a stranger - hot as it may be, can also be a disappointment. But unless you do it, how are you going to find out if you do it for each other?

If I'm compatible with someone sexually speaking and there's compatibility on other levels too, possibly emotions - what's stopping opening the conversation of more, whatever more that may be? That doesn't mean I'm going in guns blazing looking for a full blown, committed, monogamous relationship after I've met someone, had great sex with them once or twice, or even more. It means I keep an open mind for possibilities and communicate with whomever I may be intimate with to discuss mutual boundaries and options.

It's all about open, honest communication. If there's no interest for anything more than the once-off social/meet, FB or FWB arrangement, then be an adult and respect the decision of the other. If there's too much emotion involved on one side, but not reciprocated on the other, you're better off leaving it/him/her/them behind you - as painful as it may be.

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By *og-ManMan
over a year ago

somewhere


"I remember when I met a woman on her own on here for the first time

I was totally confused so I must have bored half the site asking questions

I'd never been with a woman who just wanted sex and not some sort of relationship

I'd never had sex without the relationship

Confused.com I certainly was and the thing that surprised me was the answers I got when I asked in the forums.." How do you not fall for or try to have a relationship with someone you're having sex with"

You lot were supportive to this idiot and I'm still grateful

Still figuring it out but isnt that the journey we all make

In hindsight, why do you think you were confused about a woman wanting sex and not a relationship?

Because I met someone when I was young and didnt go through a casual sex phase

I mean you couldn't even buy condoms in Dublin and Aids ads were everywhere

I've said in the past when I joined I felt intimidated by the women on here...they know what they want,how to get it,who to get it with.

A completely new experience for me.

So your beliefs around casual sex were shaped by so called societal norms?"

Growing up yes....The church,your parents,your mates all helped shape your attitude towards casual sex

If a girl was having sex with different fellas she was a slut ( except the fellas she was having sex with never said that in case they missed out )

When I joined the site I met a woman who carried condoms for the first time in my life

I never knew a woman who masturbated before

None of these things were the normal in society when I was growing up

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By *oft_sexy_sweetWoman
over a year ago

Dublin


"I just think I'm that fooking irresistible that no gender could only want a hook up with me tbh....

I do think for what ever reason that less women are interested in casual sex than men. So the worry is founded in some level of experiance for most of us

Would you agree that the lack of interest from some women in casual sex is due to it being frowned upon by “polite society” and the fear of being slut shamed?"

My lack of interest in purely casual sex is that it's just not as good as connected sex, like, ever. And for that reason, because I seek a connection before sex, men do think I am looking for more (which I may or may not be depending on the dude).

My other issue is that guys say they want "casual" but what they mean is, they want full effort, lingerie, A-game sex, intimacy, all on their terms, with zero obligations, feelings or consequences.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I remember when I met a woman on her own on here for the first time

I was totally confused so I must have bored half the site asking questions

I'd never been with a woman who just wanted sex and not some sort of relationship

I'd never had sex without the relationship

Confused.com I certainly was and the thing that surprised me was the answers I got when I asked in the forums.." How do you not fall for or try to have a relationship with someone you're having sex with"

You lot were supportive to this idiot and I'm still grateful

Still figuring it out but isnt that the journey we all make

In hindsight, why do you think you were confused about a woman wanting sex and not a relationship?

Because I met someone when I was young and didnt go through a casual sex phase

I mean you couldn't even buy condoms in Dublin and Aids ads were everywhere

I've said in the past when I joined I felt intimidated by the women on here...they know what they want,how to get it,who to get it with.

A completely new experience for me.

So your beliefs around casual sex were shaped by so called societal norms?

Growing up yes....The church,your parents,your mates all helped shape your attitude towards casual sex

If a girl was having sex with different fellas she was a slut ( except the fellas she was having sex with never said that in case they missed out )

When I joined the site I met a woman who carried condoms for the first time in my life

I never knew a woman who masturbated before

None of these things were the normal in society when I was growing up

"

Indeed, those were the days, i remember when virgin megastore *irony* started selling condoms in dublin. it was a big deal. like women were only relatively recently being sent to homes if they got pregnant outside marraige. sex was sinful here for years, these ideas dont pass overnight. no wonder theres so much confusion and inhibition.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

great thread OP

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By *og-ManMan
over a year ago

somewhere

I pass by the grotto in Granard a lot and still think of Ann Lovett every time

It was only 1984.....thats my big memory of those years

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By *ofusplusCouple
over a year ago

Limerick


"I remember when I met a woman on her own on here for the first time

I was totally confused so I must have bored half the site asking questions

I'd never been with a woman who just wanted sex and not some sort of relationship

I'd never had sex without the relationship

Confused.com I certainly was and the thing that surprised me was the answers I got when I asked in the forums.." How do you not fall for or try to have a relationship with someone you're having sex with"

You lot were supportive to this idiot and I'm still grateful

Still figuring it out but isnt that the journey we all make

In hindsight, why do you think you were confused about a woman wanting sex and not a relationship?

Because I met someone when I was young and didnt go through a casual sex phase

I mean you couldn't even buy condoms in Dublin and Aids ads were everywhere

I've said in the past when I joined I felt intimidated by the women on here...they know what they want,how to get it,who to get it with.

A completely new experience for me.

So your beliefs around casual sex were shaped by so called societal norms?

Growing up yes....The church,your parents,your mates all helped shape your attitude towards casual sex

If a girl was having sex with different fellas she was a slut ( except the fellas she was having sex with never said that in case they missed out )

When I joined the site I met a woman who carried condoms for the first time in my life

I never knew a woman who masturbated before

None of these things were the normal in society when I was growing up

Indeed, those were the days, i remember when virgin megastore *irony* started selling condoms in dublin. it was a big deal. like women were only relatively recently being sent to homes if they got pregnant outside marraige. sex was sinful here for years, these ideas dont pass overnight. no wonder theres so much confusion and inhibition."

Yes and Fab has helped me no end in releasing the shackles of so-called 'societal norms'. Mrs

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Also shower thought - do women spend 90% of the time in the shower cleaning their jewels too

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By *dfabMan
over a year ago

Dunboyne

Too many beers to comment properly.

Love the shower but I'm often too busy directing it at my frenulum to have conversation

Yes, many men think women always want something more than sex.

I'm older and wiser and know that quite often women want only sex.

Took me a while to realise that it wasn't just guys and, when I did, life changed considerably.

There was a lot of consensual sex without strings.

That was London 1997.

I've yet to find same in Ireland in 2021

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By *asual777Man
over a year ago

i travel all over

I think feeling intimidated by assertive sexually confident women is why some men end up not turning up at meets .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I read a report on a wide ranging study covering OECD countries, that only about 20% of women between the age of 35-60 consider that having regular sex would be essential to their physical and mental well-being. So this leaves a whopping 80% of women who just don't prioritize getting laid on a regular basis.

The average health male has twenty times higher testosterone level than the average healthy female, so this alone makes men much more predisposed to impulsivity and engage in higher risk activities. Just go to any extreme sports event- motorcoss race, surfing competition, cycle road race, rock climbing event, and the majority of participants are invariably male.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I think feeling intimidated by assertive sexually confident women is why some men end up not turning up at meets . "

Give us a chance lads!

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By *affa31 OP   Woman
over a year ago

Galway


"I read a report on a wide ranging study covering OECD countries, that only about 20% of women between the age of 35-60 consider that having regular sex would be essential to their physical and mental well-being. So this leaves a whopping 80% of women who just don't prioritize getting laid on a regular basis.

The average health male has twenty times higher testosterone level than the average healthy female, so this alone makes men much more predisposed to impulsivity and engage in higher risk activities. Just go to any extreme sports event- motorcoss race, surfing competition, cycle road race, rock climbing event, and the majority of participants are invariably male.

"

I wonder how many women on fab were surveyed on that one. Surveys are only as accurate as the range of people involved.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

I wonder how many women on fab were surveyed on that one. Surveys are only as accurate as the range of people involved. "

Do you think the different behaviours between genders that are apparent for alot of the people here and in general society is all social conditioning or do hormones, genetics, brain chemistry etc... play a part?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I read a report on a wide ranging study covering OECD countries, that only about 20% of women between the age of 35-60 consider that having regular sex would be essential to their physical and mental well-being. So this leaves a whopping 80% of women who just don't prioritize getting laid on a regular basis.

The average health male has twenty times higher testosterone level than the average healthy female, so this alone makes men much more predisposed to impulsivity and engage in higher risk activities. Just go to any extreme sports event- motorcoss race, surfing competition, cycle road race, rock climbing event, and the majority of participants are invariably male.

I wonder how many women on fab were surveyed on that one. Surveys are only as accurate as the range of people involved. "

At a guess fab has about 85% male membership, and 15% female. Yes women are equally likely to engage in casual sex as men are, but the percentage of women who are actively pursuing casual sex for sheer enjoyment is quite small.

How else could the disparity between the ratio of males and females on a swinging site be explained?

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By *affa31 OP   Woman
over a year ago

Galway


"

I wonder how many women on fab were surveyed on that one. Surveys are only as accurate as the range of people involved.

Do you think the different behaviours between genders that are apparent for alot of the people here and in general society is all social conditioning or do hormones, genetics, brain chemistry etc... play a part?"

I think societal conditioning plays a massive role in the secrecy and shame (for some) around casual sex but of course hormones will come in to play with regards to libido etc

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By *affa31 OP   Woman
over a year ago

Galway


"I read a report on a wide ranging study covering OECD countries, that only about 20% of women between the age of 35-60 consider that having regular sex would be essential to their physical and mental well-being. So this leaves a whopping 80% of women who just don't prioritize getting laid on a regular basis.

The average health male has twenty times higher testosterone level than the average healthy female, so this alone makes men much more predisposed to impulsivity and engage in higher risk activities. Just go to any extreme sports event- motorcoss race, surfing competition, cycle road race, rock climbing event, and the majority of participants are invariably male.

I wonder how many women on fab were surveyed on that one. Surveys are only as accurate as the range of people involved.

At a guess fab has about 85% male membership, and 15% female. Yes women are equally likely to engage in casual sex as men are, but the percentage of women who are actively pursuing casual sex for sheer enjoyment is quite small.

How else could the disparity between the ratio of males and females on a swinging site be explained? "

I think the fear of being slut shamed means that some women would never consider joining a site like fab.

In my case, none of my “vanilla” friends know about this side of me and I’m nearly positive that they would be horrified by the thought of it. I’ve decided not to fall out with any of them by giving them the potential chance to slut shame me

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By *onegal82Man
over a year ago

letterkenny/Belfast

I feel women are and can be just as interested in casual sex as men. But feel they probably get frowned apon for wanting it. But I feel we all got needs. Equal needs so if a lady wants to just have a good casual fuck. Fuck those who knock it and do what u want. If done safe and etc wheres harm in it for both sexes

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

I wonder how many women on fab were surveyed on that one. Surveys are only as accurate as the range of people involved.

Do you think the different behaviours between genders that are apparent for alot of the people here and in general society is all social conditioning or do hormones, genetics, brain chemistry etc... play a part?"

Hormones could be part of it too, there's a peri-menopausal surge which can increase a womans libido

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By *ed_AliceWoman
over a year ago

Belfast

Great thread Jaffa

Great first time sex with someone is rare enough, I do like repeat encounters to get to know each others bodies & to build trust for some of the kink I enjoy.

Some men confuse wanting more/regular sex with them to wanting to jump on the relationship escalator with them.

I think some of it depends on the definition of casual as well. I've been seeing a guy off here for years & I still consider it casual. Whereas for some, casual means one & done. Communication is key

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By *ed_AliceWoman
over a year ago

Belfast


"

I wonder how many women on fab were surveyed on that one. Surveys are only as accurate as the range of people involved.

Do you think the different behaviours between genders that are apparent for alot of the people here and in general society is all social conditioning or do hormones, genetics, brain chemistry etc... play a part?

Hormones could be part of it too, there's a peri-menopausal surge which can increase a womans libido"

Don't I know it & long may it last

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By *oghunter33Woman
over a year ago

on the hill NordWest of

A further reason could be that a woman's body is bit more complex and sex gets better with a partner that knows which buttons to press. A once off casual sex encounter can be a frustrating and onesided experience when you hit the wrong or a selfish play partner.

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By *affa31 OP   Woman
over a year ago

Galway

I should have clarified that when I said casual, I didn’t necessarily mean one off encounters. Repeat meets can stay casual once communication is there and everyone is on board.

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By *dfabMan
over a year ago

Dunboyne


"I should have clarified that when I said casual, I didn’t necessarily mean one off encounters. Repeat meets can stay casual once communication is there and everyone is on board. "

I think that, as time goes on, more guys will realise your original post to be true.

More women are now stating that they just want sex without strings but, as you say, regularly from one or more partners, without it leading to a relationship.

The more often guys hear and experience that, the more common and accepted it becomes.

Just stop the ones that get "feels" easily from lying/luring and we'll get there quicker

That goes for both sides of the FB setup, not just the ladies

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By *og-ManMan
over a year ago

somewhere

Shower thoughts

Will this rainfall shower in my hotel help kill the man in my head with the pneumatic drill

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By *vpamelaTV/TS
over a year ago

kinkville

Did u use shower gel, soap or shampoo?. How blocked was the drain? Did the water go cold on You? Random thoughts.

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