Join us FREE, we're FREE to use
Web's largest swingers site since 2006.
Already registered?
Login here
Back to forum list |
Back to Ireland |
Jump to newest |
| |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"If you're separated then your ex partner has no claim over what you do or with whom. I would say not to be TOO quick to come in here looking for action though as you've been through a trauma and you might well need some time to get your head straight and figure out how to move forward. Potential meets could well be wary of very recently separated men. Give yourself time and be kind to yourself. Good luck " No one is coming in too quick anywhere and been through any trauma. It was a general question. | |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"I would be wary of separated guys especially (as is now common for obvious reasons) those who still live in the family home, because in my experience that comes with all the same hassle and hiding as a married guy. " I'm separated in the family home. And both of us date. There is some secrecy but that us just not to rub it in each others faces. I don't see how the secrecy matters though as I imagine the majority are not here to start a loving relationship. | |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"I am seperated (on the road to divorce) but would class myself as single, he doesn't live with me and we do not share finances or anything other than the custody of our children. I would meet a seperated man but not a man who is cheating.. it will never be black and white but that's what comes with being human imo " Exactly. Never black and white. If your married and gonna lie about it surely you just say your single and not separated. I shouldn't have to never meet someone because financially we have to live together. I also get to stay with my kids. | |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"I get what you are saying but you do have people on here saying “ oh he is married and I won’t go hear him” been separated is still been married in one sense .... right... so would people that don’t meet married people meet separated people even though they might be still married and this isn’t at you personally... it doesn’t make any difference if you are single or separated... just in general. " Being married and cheating on your partner is not the same as being separated and living your own life. Don't really know the point in the original question as I thought it was basic common sense | |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"I get what you are saying but you do have people on here saying “ oh he is married and I won’t go hear him” been separated is still been married in one sense .... right... so would people that don’t meet married people meet separated people even though they might be still married and this isn’t at you personally... it doesn’t make any difference if you are single or separated... just in general. Being married and cheating on your partner is not the same as being separated and living your own life. Don't really know the point in the original question as I thought it was basic common sense " Im confused too..separated is seperated by the very nature of the word...ye are no longer together only 'married' legally until the divorce comes through....completely different to someone who is still married and living together | |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"I've been separated for 20 years. No intention of getting a divorce either. I still use my married name. So if that puts people off, so be it K " | |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"I get what you are saying but you do have people on here saying “ oh he is married and I won’t go hear him” been separated is still been married in one sense .... right... so would people that don’t meet married people meet separated people even though they might be still married and this isn’t at you personally... it doesn’t make any difference if you are single or separated... just in general. Being married and cheating on your partner is not the same as being separated and living your own life. Don't really know the point in the original question as I thought it was basic common sense " I completely agree. I don't play with married or partnered if the significant other believes they are in a monogamous relationship. The status matters less than the integrity of the person who doesn't have the balls to have an albeit difficult conversation with their partner and would rather fuck around behind everyone's back, including the person they're fucking. (Don't get me started - I was just completely betrayed by an asshole who pretended he was single, which is utterly despicable as far as I'm concerned.) If you're separated, the assumption is your partner isn't waiting for you to come home, and they don't have a claim on you. If your partner is still under the impression that they are in a monogamous relationship with you, you're still partnered/married whether you live together or not. This isn't rocket science, if you're splitting hairs to get what you want, that should be a red flag that maybe your integrity is shot. | |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"I get what you are saying but you do have people on here saying “ oh he is married and I won’t go hear him” been separated is still been married in one sense .... right... so would people that don’t meet married people meet separated people even though they might be still married and this isn’t at you personally... it doesn’t make any difference if you are single or separated... just in general. Being married and cheating on your partner is not the same as being separated and living your own life. Don't really know the point in the original question as I thought it was basic common sense I completely agree. I don't play with married or partnered if the significant other believes they are in a monogamous relationship. The status matters less than the integrity of the person who doesn't have the balls to have an albeit difficult conversation with their partner and would rather fuck around behind everyone's back, including the person they're fucking. (Don't get me started - I was just completely betrayed by an asshole who pretended he was single, which is utterly despicable as far as I'm concerned.) If you're separated, the assumption is your partner isn't waiting for you to come home, and they don't have a claim on you. If your partner is still under the impression that they are in a monogamous relationship with you, you're still partnered/married whether you live together or not. This isn't rocket science, if you're splitting hairs to get what you want, that should be a red flag that maybe your integrity is shot. " 80% of 'single guys' on this site aren't at all. We'd be better off on T*nder where they show headshots | |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"I would be wary of separated guys especially (as is now common for obvious reasons) those who still live in the family home, because in my experience that comes with all the same hassle and hiding as a married guy. I'm separated in the family home. And both of us date. There is some secrecy but that us just not to rub it in each others faces. I don't see how the secrecy matters though as I imagine the majority are not here to start a loving relationship. " There's a difference between common discretion and secrecy. In my experience, a guy who is hiding what he is doing from someone (whether a current partner or an ex partner) is limited in the times he can meet, how long he can stay, whether he can stay over, if I can have his phone number, when he can text and cannot etc etc. It's simply too much hassle, so I'd rather stick with guys who are fully single, as it can be on my terms with no compromises AND there is the opportunity for things to develop if there's a strong connection. | |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
" I shouldn't have to never meet someone because financially we have to live together. I also get to stay with my kids." Nobody has said you can't or shouldn't be meeting people,some have said only that their *preference* is for single guys over separated guys. Your right to meet people doesn't oblige people to meet you, they also get to have their own boundaries. | |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"I would be wary of separated guys especially (as is now common for obvious reasons) those who still live in the family home, because in my experience that comes with all the same hassle and hiding as a married guy. I'm separated in the family home. And both of us date. There is some secrecy but that us just not to rub it in each others faces. I don't see how the secrecy matters though as I imagine the majority are not here to start a loving relationship. There's a difference between common discretion and secrecy. In my experience, a guy who is hiding what he is doing from someone (whether a current partner or an ex partner) is limited in the times he can meet, how long he can stay, whether he can stay over, if I can have his phone number, when he can text and cannot etc etc. It's simply too much hassle, so I'd rather stick with guys who are fully single, as it can be on my terms with no compromises AND there is the opportunity for things to develop if there's a strong connection. " Yeah, I get that and I can't deny that happens. Even though we both know the other is on a date its not said aloud . And the staying over bit or meeting often can be awkward because you are still trying to be considerate and own your share of the parenting, chores etc.. You've a valid point, its not for everyone. | |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"I would be wary of separated guys especially (as is now common for obvious reasons) those who still live in the family home, because in my experience that comes with all the same hassle and hiding as a married guy. I'm separated in the family home. And both of us date. There is some secrecy but that us just not to rub it in each others faces. I don't see how the secrecy matters though as I imagine the majority are not here to start a loving relationship. There's a difference between common discretion and secrecy. In my experience, a guy who is hiding what he is doing from someone (whether a current partner or an ex partner) is limited in the times he can meet, how long he can stay, whether he can stay over, if I can have his phone number, when he can text and cannot etc etc. It's simply too much hassle, so I'd rather stick with guys who are fully single, as it can be on my terms with no compromises AND there is the opportunity for things to develop if there's a strong connection. Yeah, I get that and I can't deny that happens. Even though we both know the other is on a date its not said aloud . And the staying over bit or meeting often can be awkward because you are still trying to be considerate and own your share of the parenting, chores etc.. You've a valid point, its not for everyone." And it does sound like you have an actual, real, healthy separation... Many guys who are "separated" are in the very early stages where emotions are still high and there is no actual emotional separation yet. It can get very messy (from bitter experience!) | |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"I would be wary of separated guys especially (as is now common for obvious reasons) those who still live in the family home, because in my experience that comes with all the same hassle and hiding as a married guy. I'm separated in the family home. And both of us date. There is some secrecy but that us just not to rub it in each others faces. I don't see how the secrecy matters though as I imagine the majority are not here to start a loving relationship. There's a difference between common discretion and secrecy. In my experience, a guy who is hiding what he is doing from someone (whether a current partner or an ex partner) is limited in the times he can meet, how long he can stay, whether he can stay over, if I can have his phone number, when he can text and cannot etc etc. It's simply too much hassle, so I'd rather stick with guys who are fully single, as it can be on my terms with no compromises AND there is the opportunity for things to develop if there's a strong connection. Yeah, I get that and I can't deny that happens. Even though we both know the other is on a date its not said aloud . And the staying over bit or meeting often can be awkward because you are still trying to be considerate and own your share of the parenting, chores etc.. You've a valid point, its not for everyone." Theres a lot more juggling to do alright. And as you say the consideration for your ex's feelings. My ex and I lived together for 2 years after seperating for practical reasons and it was tricky trying to balance our individual needs with the 'family' needs. But you also need/deserve that independent space for your own happiness, sanity and sense of worth. | |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"I would be wary of separated guys especially (as is now common for obvious reasons) those who still live in the family home, because in my experience that comes with all the same hassle and hiding as a married guy. I'm separated in the family home. And both of us date. There is some secrecy but that us just not to rub it in each others faces. I don't see how the secrecy matters though as I imagine the majority are not here to start a loving relationship. There's a difference between common discretion and secrecy. In my experience, a guy who is hiding what he is doing from someone (whether a current partner or an ex partner) is limited in the times he can meet, how long he can stay, whether he can stay over, if I can have his phone number, when he can text and cannot etc etc. It's simply too much hassle, so I'd rather stick with guys who are fully single, as it can be on my terms with no compromises AND there is the opportunity for things to develop if there's a strong connection. Yeah, I get that and I can't deny that happens. Even though we both know the other is on a date its not said aloud . And the staying over bit or meeting often can be awkward because you are still trying to be considerate and own your share of the parenting, chores etc.. You've a valid point, its not for everyone. And it does sound like you have an actual, real, healthy separation... Many guys who are "separated" are in the very early stages where emotions are still high and there is no actual emotional separation yet. It can get very messy (from bitter experience!) " can you pm me? | |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"I would be wary of separated guys especially (as is now common for obvious reasons) those who still live in the family home, because in my experience that comes with all the same hassle and hiding as a married guy. I'm separated in the family home. And both of us date. There is some secrecy but that us just not to rub it in each others faces. I don't see how the secrecy matters though as I imagine the majority are not here to start a loving relationship. There's a difference between common discretion and secrecy. In my experience, a guy who is hiding what he is doing from someone (whether a current partner or an ex partner) is limited in the times he can meet, how long he can stay, whether he can stay over, if I can have his phone number, when he can text and cannot etc etc. It's simply too much hassle, so I'd rather stick with guys who are fully single, as it can be on my terms with no compromises AND there is the opportunity for things to develop if there's a strong connection. Yeah, I get that and I can't deny that happens. Even though we both know the other is on a date its not said aloud . And the staying over bit or meeting often can be awkward because you are still trying to be considerate and own your share of the parenting, chores etc.. You've a valid point, its not for everyone. And it does sound like you have an actual, real, healthy separation... Many guys who are "separated" are in the very early stages where emotions are still high and there is no actual emotional separation yet. It can get very messy (from bitter experience!) " There is still emotion there. She is the mother of my kids. But it is what it is until a time comes that we can afford to go our separate ways. | |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Crikey, it gets seriously complicated here to meet someone for nsa fun. Next thing is you've to ask or answer on which side of the bed to sleep in order not to hurt some leftover feelings, who your divorce lawyer is and of course the pps number. " You mean you dont check which side of the bed to sleep!! | |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Crikey, it gets seriously complicated here to meet someone for nsa fun. Next thing is you've to ask or answer on which side of the bed to sleep in order not to hurt some leftover feelings, who your divorce lawyer is and of course the pps number. " There should be a fab questionnaire that women have on their profiles that men can fill in to "apply" to meet them. | |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"its amazing just how many separated and divorced people there are .. and you never actually realise it until you become one yourself We might even be in the majority ..." I would say we are getting close to the majority alright. | |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"its amazing just how many separated and divorced people there are .. and you never actually realise it until you become one yourself We might even be in the majority ... I would say we are getting close to the majority alright." For sure I've come across very few who are like myself and never married | |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"If you're separated then your ex partner has no claim over what you do or with whom. I would say not to be TOO quick to come in here looking for action though as you've been through a trauma and you might well need some time to get your head straight and figure out how to move forward. Potential meets could well be wary of very recently separated men. Give yourself time and be kind to yourself. Good luck No one is coming in too quick anywhere and been through any trauma. It was a general question. " Bit harsh . Thought the person was just being kind. | |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"its amazing just how many separated and divorced people there are .. and you never actually realise it until you become one yourself We might even be in the majority ... I would say we are getting close to the majority alright. For sure I've come across very few who are like myself and never married" Its rare to hit 40's(me) without having some baggage. | |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"its amazing just how many separated and divorced people there are .. and you never actually realise it until you become one yourself We might even be in the majority ... I would say we are getting close to the majority alright. For sure I've come across very few who are like myself and never married Its rare to hit 40's(me) without having some baggage. " Everyone has baggage, regardless of their marital status | |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"its amazing just how many separated and divorced people there are .. and you never actually realise it until you become one yourself We might even be in the majority ... I would say we are getting close to the majority alright. For sure I've come across very few who are like myself and never married" Perhaps you were wiser than all of us by not marrying .. we just perhaps fell into the trap and finally accepted we had made a mistake and that life was not for us | |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"its amazing just how many separated and divorced people there are .. and you never actually realise it until you become one yourself We might even be in the majority ... I would say we are getting close to the majority alright. For sure I've come across very few who are like myself and never married Perhaps you were wiser than all of us by not marrying .. we just perhaps fell into the trap and finally accepted we had made a mistake and that life was not for us " That is the truth. Square peg, round hole but no regrets, and i wouldnt call any of it baggage. Its the ground I grew on | |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"its amazing just how many separated and divorced people there are .. and you never actually realise it until you become one yourself We might even be in the majority ... I would say we are getting close to the majority alright. For sure I've come across very few who are like myself and never married Perhaps you were wiser than all of us by not marrying .. we just perhaps fell into the trap and finally accepted we had made a mistake and that life was not for us That is the truth. Square peg, round hole but no regrets, and i wouldnt call any of it baggage. Its the ground I grew on" Ruba - you summed it up perfectly .. square peg/round hole .... and I see I am still blocked... wise decision | |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"its amazing just how many separated and divorced people there are .. and you never actually realise it until you become one yourself We might even be in the majority ... I would say we are getting close to the majority alright. For sure I've come across very few who are like myself and never married Perhaps you were wiser than all of us by not marrying .. we just perhaps fell into the trap and finally accepted we had made a mistake and that life was not for us That is the truth. Square peg, round hole but no regrets, and i wouldnt call any of it baggage. Its the ground I grew on Ruba - you summed it up perfectly .. square peg/round hole .... and I see I am still blocked... wise decision " | |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"its amazing just how many separated and divorced people there are .. and you never actually realise it until you become one yourself We might even be in the majority ... I would say we are getting close to the majority alright. For sure I've come across very few who are like myself and never married Its rare to hit 40's(me) without having some baggage. Everyone has baggage, regardless of their marital status " Hand luggage only, I always knew "the best day" of your life is a scam. | |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"its amazing just how many separated and divorced people there are .. and you never actually realise it until you become one yourself We might even be in the majority ... I would say we are getting close to the majority alright. For sure I've come across very few who are like myself and never married Perhaps you were wiser than all of us by not marrying .. we just perhaps fell into the trap and finally accepted we had made a mistake and that life was not for us That is the truth. Square peg, round hole but no regrets, and i wouldnt call any of it baggage. Its the ground I grew on Ruba - you summed it up perfectly .. square peg/round hole .... and I see I am still blocked... wise decision " | |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"its amazing just how many separated and divorced people there are .. and you never actually realise it until you become one yourself We might even be in the majority ... I would say we are getting close to the majority alright. For sure I've come across very few who are like myself and never married Its rare to hit 40's(me) without having some baggage. Everyone has baggage, regardless of their marital status Hand luggage only, I always knew "the best day" of your life is a scam. " And cost a fortune for the privilege too!! | |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"its amazing just how many separated and divorced people there are .. and you never actually realise it until you become one yourself We might even be in the majority ... I would say we are getting close to the majority alright. For sure I've come across very few who are like myself and never married Its rare to hit 40's(me) without having some baggage. Everyone has baggage, regardless of their marital status Hand luggage only, I always knew "the best day" of your life is a scam. " I have a baggage train... Lol. I don't consider it negative, though. It has made me the man I am. Children, in laws,responsibilities, household.. All part of lifes rich tapestry. | |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"its amazing just how many separated and divorced people there are .. and you never actually realise it until you become one yourself We might even be in the majority ... I would say we are getting close to the majority alright. For sure I've come across very few who are like myself and never married Its rare to hit 40's(me) without having some baggage. Everyone has baggage, regardless of their marital status " True I'm not looking for anyone to help carry mine though, so they don't need to know about it | |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"I love the paradigm of someone "having a claim" over someone else " It's also called monogamy or the concept of owership, indoctrinated into us for centuries, and it's still very very very present on here. Yet we know humans aren't monogamous creatures. | |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"I love the paradigm of someone "having a claim" over someone else It's also called monogamy or the concept of owership, indoctrinated into us for centuries, and it's still very very very present on here. Yet we know humans aren't monogamous creatures. " | |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"I love the paradigm of someone "having a claim" over someone else It's also called monogamy or the concept of owership, indoctrinated into us for centuries, and it's still very very very present on here. Yet we know humans aren't monogamous creatures. " The longer I spend on fab, the more appealing monogamy is | |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"I love the paradigm of someone "having a claim" over someone else It's also called monogamy or the concept of owership, indoctrinated into us for centuries, and it's still very very very present on here. Yet we know humans aren't monogamous creatures. " I dont know... For me the 'monogamy' came from my personal commitment to someone in that particular way, and it was understood / taken for granted the same was expected and given. However, somehow, it turns into 'possession' overnight, just like that, doesn't it? Together with being taken from granted, and all that. And then on top of all that one has to "work for it", as if dedicating your complete life, resources, time and energy did count as 'working for it'. Aaaanyyhoooo... I'm gonna spare y'all off my twisty/windy paths of thoughts (if they can be classified as such) | |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"its amazing just how many separated and divorced people there are .. and you never actually realise it until you become one yourself We might even be in the majority ... I would say we are getting close to the majority alright. For sure I've come across very few who are like myself and never married" I was never married.. | |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"its amazing just how many separated and divorced people there are .. and you never actually realise it until you become one yourself We might even be in the majority ... I would say we are getting close to the majority alright. For sure I've come across very few who are like myself and never married I was never married.." Me neither | |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"its amazing just how many separated and divorced people there are .. and you never actually realise it until you become one yourself We might even be in the majority ..." Absolutely correct my friend | |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
" Being married and cheating on your partner is not the same as being separated and living your own life. Don't really know the point in the original question as I thought it was basic common sense " I will quote you as you said it first. Yeah I agree..and think it is pretty much black and white. If the other partner believes that they as a couple are in a monogamous relationship. And has not agreed to playing out side of the relationship. This is what 95% of people mean and are concerned with on Fab. I would say and hope most people feel this is morally wrong (which it is), And some don't. | |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Interested rhat people think having baggage or emotions is somewhat a negative, this is a site to put people in touch for casual sex, what does baggage and emotions have to do with it? And quite frankly, I’ve found single guys to be a hell of a lot flakier and over-emotional than separated or “its complicated”. Also baggage in general makes people more interesting. If you havnt taken risks and tried new things, made mistakes and done stupid things, have you any interesting stories? One of the most boring, pass-remarkable, conversationally inept men I ever met off fab had never married or had kids. It made me wonder... " I think I'm the one who initially mentioned baggage. I never said it was negative. Infact I went on to say something similar to you a few posts after it. Baggage is good, its experience, its love and lessons. | |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"I would be wary of separated guys especially (as is now common for obvious reasons) those who still live in the family home, because in my experience that comes with all the same hassle and hiding as a married guy. " what's the obvious reason? | |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
Post new Message to Thread |
back to top |