FabSwingers.com mobile

Join us FREE, we're FREE to use

Web's largest swingers site since 2006.

Already registered?
Login here

Back to forum list
Back to Ireland

Sex is selfish

Jump to newest
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Ok, please allow me to explain.

A psychologist friend of mine was explaining me how sex is always about yourself, and never about your partner, hence, being a selfish act.

It's easy to imagine a guy asking for a blowjob while unwilling to go down on her as him being selfish.

But let's say a man wants to eat a girl out until her legs can't stop shaking without asking for anal or a 3some, lol. That sounds quite the opposite of selfish, right?

See, the idea behind this line of thinking is that we are getting what we desire. This guy is not doing that oral to please her but to fulfill his own desires, his own fantasies.

Have your mind ever wandered to a place full of your fantasies while you're having sex just to help you get there?

Have you ever fucked someone and imagined them to be someone else?

This is what I could grasp from that conversation. It's not easy to put through an idea you don't fully understand, but I hope it's ok. Just remember that this is about the mind.

What are your two cents about it? Would you agree or disagree?

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If you want to see it that way, all human interaction is "selfish" to a degree, e.g. we are "nice" to people so they will like us, we make charitable contributions so we can feel good about ourselves. And why wouldn't we, unless you're a doormat, your own needs come into play

I suppose the question is whether the benefits to you come at a greater price to the other party....

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If you are both being selfish together then is it really selfish?

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ealitybitesMan
over a year ago

Belfast

It's there's mutual pleasure does it really matter?

The only time it would be an issue is when one partner has no interest in the others pleasure in whatever form that may take and is truly selfish.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ealitybitesMan
over a year ago

Belfast

I make it very clear on my profile that I'm only interested in mutual pleasure therefore I don't meet without chatting first. If those conversations are all one way and they show little or no interest in me it won't be going any further. Is that selfish? Of course it is and I'm good with that.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ofusplusCouple
over a year ago

Limerick

ALL of our motivations are selfish, whether that be looking after others, doing charity work or just being nice. We do it ultimately because it makes us feel good about ourselves, we sleep better at night.

People generally disagree with me and some take offence, but it is absolutely true, we wouldn't survive in this world if we weren't selfish. So yes, sex is selfish. Mrs

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *oft_sexy_sweetWoman
over a year ago

Dublin


"

But let's say a man wants to eat a girl out until her legs can't stop shaking without asking for anal or a 3some, lol. That sounds quite the opposite of selfish, right?

See, the idea behind this line of thinking is that we are getting what we desire. This guy is not doing that oral to please her but to fulfill his own desires, his own fantasies.

"

I feel like this is already commonly understood among women?? I get a lot of these offers and (to me and others) they are not appealing. Some stranger coming over to eat me out for hours can't be about me and my wants and needs because they don't know me in the slightest - it's 100% about them. Same for people who are like "just tell me what you want me to do to you, I'll do whatever you want"... That's not appealing and nor is it selfless, it's actually putting all of the responsibility for the interaction on to your partner.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *oghunter33Woman
over a year ago

on the hill NordWest of

In a fab environment it certainly is, we're here to look for sex, what drive us in the first place is your own horniness. The fact that your partner gets pleasure out of it hightens your own pleasure. Although the latter isn't always given or cared about and that's when it gets onesided and becomes a really obvious selfish act.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hmmm interesting question. My thing is the partners pleasure is most important so is that selfish or not ?

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ofusplusCouple
over a year ago

Limerick


"Hmmm interesting question. My thing is the partners pleasure is most important so is that selfish or not ?"

It is selfish because if she wasn't enjoying it then you wouldn't be happy, so one could argue that you're doing it for your own happiness. It's just a different perspective and it's not a bad thing really to be selfish when you see it like that

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What an interesting point op. And what thoughtful responses all who followed.

Perhaps one angle is identity. We're well conditioned to think of ourselves as name, nationality, gender, cultural affinities etc. But sexual desire is surely a rather biological thing, not a cultural thing. So if in the blissful moments we forget about who we are, what 'tribe' we belong to/what we allow to own us, would it not seem evident that the experience involves joy which comes from mutual enjoyment?

Perhaps its not so much that sex is selfish, but that the societal notion of selfishness is an intellectual notion which is not rooted in how our bodies work.

Enough of my rambling!

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *iquidRavenMan
over a year ago

Dublin

This is just an extension of the idea in psychology that there is no such thing as a selfless act

Ex... donating to the homeless is about your feeling of pride for helping not actually about helping

I'm not studied in the area but I don't really buy it but I can see how it can be true too

I'm sure there is a school of thought or theory that goes against this idea

Any outside of the sexual norm psychologists on this thread

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

At the end of the day, altruistic tendencies in humans developed because they improve society as a whole. So all acts of kindness are there to benefit the selfish gene.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *iquidRavenMan
over a year ago

Dublin

I agree with the previous but the whole naming the gene and behaviour the 'selfish' gene puts connotations on it that are heavy with stigma and meaning. Obviously humans are social animals so it makes sense that we get a chemical signal/feeling when doing things that help/improve our and others feeling etc

It would make no evolutionary sense to feel bad or disgusted when helping, aiding, riding etc!

Though the Catholic Church had this anti evolutionary stand on the ol sexy time

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Good point

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *hilaboutMan
over a year ago

kilkenny

Look hey it is what it is just great to get it from time to time

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There is no such thing as a selfless act - Joey from friends

.

.

.

. Me and my friend were trying for a while to thing if an exception. You would have to help some one you hate and really really not want to. Perhaps there is other examples but it's hard to think of. As said above, nature has intended us to feel nice being nice - some times, because it's nice to be nice.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *he English OneMan
over a year ago

west

[Removed by poster at 09/06/21 12:35:24]

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *he English OneMan
over a year ago

west

I will have to disagree with all of this you only need fish to selfish the sex has no relevance here

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Your friend might need to update his knowledge. Defiantly a lot of selfless acts involved in sex and pleasure. The ideal is when you get pleasure from being selfless.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *oft_sexy_sweetWoman
over a year ago

Dublin


" The ideal is when you get pleasure from being selfless."

... If you get pleasure from it it's not selfless tho.

Isn't there a Friends episode about this?

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


" The ideal is when you get pleasure from being selfless.

... If you get pleasure from it it's not selfless tho.

Isn't there a Friends episode about this? "

If you gaze your eye 3 posts up, you may be pleasantly surprised

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ilthyNightsCouple
over a year ago

East / North, Cork

All human actions are ultimately selfish.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"All human actions are ultimately selfish. "

And the ultimate selfish act of liking ourselves for who we are not what others may think of us

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ettaManMan
over a year ago

Kerry and Dublin


"What are your two cents about it? Would you agree or disagree?

"

Supposedly, sex can also be used to transcend 'the self' and join two lovers in union with the divine consciousness.

A guy who went to my school was telling us he did it.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ERRIBLE TWOSUMCouple
over a year ago

Suck mammys strap-on


"Ok, please allow me to explain.

A psychologist friend of mine was explaining me how sex is always about yourself, and never about your partner, hence, being a selfish act.

It's easy to imagine a guy asking for a blowjob while unwilling to go down on her as him being selfish.

But let's say a man wants to eat a girl out until her legs can't stop shaking without asking for anal or a 3some, lol. That sounds quite the opposite of selfish, right?

See, the idea behind this line of thinking is that we are getting what we desire. This guy is not doing that oral to please her but to fulfill his own desires, his own fantasies.

Have your mind ever wandered to a place full of your fantasies while you're having sex just to help you get there?

Have you ever fucked someone and imagined them to be someone else?

This is what I could grasp from that conversation. It's not easy to put through an idea you don't fully understand, but I hope it's ok. Just remember that this is about the mind.

What are your two cents about it? Would you agree or disagree?

"
psychologist's do tend to overthink things.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Couldn't agree more with the last post above. Psychologists and seemingly all intellectual types seem to over think things. What if we disregard all the tosh about identity and 'me' in 'the world', and imagine that all of the cr*p we're conditioned to value so much, like who we are, and instead thing of the 'self' as a useless illusion. Then we are just bodies interacting.

And naturally there can be selflessness if there is love.

I'll shut up now

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


" The ideal is when you get pleasure from being selfless.

... If you get pleasure from it it's not selfless tho.

Isn't there a Friends episode about this? "

I once let a bee sting me, just so it would look tough on front of its other bee friends.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Couldn't agree more with the last post above. Psychologists and seemingly all intellectual types seem to over think things. What if we disregard all the tosh about identity and 'me' in 'the world', and imagine that all of the cr*p we're conditioned to value so much, like who we are, and instead thing of the 'self' as a useless illusion. Then we are just bodies interacting.

And naturally there can be selflessness if there is love.

I'll shut up now "

But isn't love just another useless illusion then?

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"What are your two cents about it? Would you agree or disagree?

Supposedly, sex can also be used to transcend 'the self' and join two lovers in union with the divine consciousness.

A guy who went to my school was telling us he did it."

Seriously, what does that even mean?

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Couldn't agree more with the last post above. Psychologists and seemingly all intellectual types seem to over think things. What if we disregard all the tosh about identity and 'me' in 'the world', and imagine that all of the cr*p we're conditioned to value so much, like who we are, and instead thing of the 'self' as a useless illusion. Then we are just bodies interacting.

And naturally there can be selflessness if there is love.

I'll shut up now

But isn't love just another useless illusion then? "

That's a very good point, I hadn't thought of that.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Couldn't agree more with the last post above. Psychologists and seemingly all intellectual types seem to over think things. What if we disregard all the tosh about identity and 'me' in 'the world', and imagine that all of the cr*p we're conditioned to value so much, like who we are, and instead thing of the 'self' as a useless illusion. Then we are just bodies interacting.

And naturally there can be selflessness if there is love.

I'll shut up now "

I was thinking of this today actually. It may be the closest thing to an ideal. You want everything good for them, and they want everything good for you. Some where in there its something good. An illusion to hang your hat on.;-)

Speaking to illusions. I think many top Neuro people and those before then say.. reality is just a hallucination we all agree on.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Couldn't agree more with the last post above. Psychologists and seemingly all intellectual types seem to over think things. What if we disregard all the tosh about identity and 'me' in 'the world', and imagine that all of the cr*p we're conditioned to value so much, like who we are, and instead thing of the 'self' as a useless illusion. Then we are just bodies interacting.

And naturally there can be selflessness if there is love.

I'll shut up now

But isn't love just another useless illusion then? "

Love is just a chemical reaction that compels two people to stay close physical proximity to each other, so that the mother has the man's undivided care in raising the child, and the father can be confident that he is not raising someone else's offspring.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Couldn't agree more with the last post above. Psychologists and seemingly all intellectual types seem to over think things. What if we disregard all the tosh about identity and 'me' in 'the world', and imagine that all of the cr*p we're conditioned to value so much, like who we are, and instead thing of the 'self' as a useless illusion. Then we are just bodies interacting.

And naturally there can be selflessness if there is love.

I'll shut up now

But isn't love just another useless illusion then?

Love is just a chemical reaction that compels two people to stay close physical proximity to each other, so that the mother has the man's undivided care in raising the child, and the father can be confident that he is not raising someone else's offspring. "

That doesn't seem to be working particularly well for a lot of families

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Couldn't agree more with the last post above. Psychologists and seemingly all intellectual types seem to over think things. What if we disregard all the tosh about identity and 'me' in 'the world', and imagine that all of the cr*p we're conditioned to value so much, like who we are, and instead thing of the 'self' as a useless illusion. Then we are just bodies interacting.

And naturally there can be selflessness if there is love.

I'll shut up now

But isn't love just another useless illusion then?

Love is just a chemical reaction that compels two people to stay close physical proximity to each other, so that the mother has the man's undivided care in raising the child, and the father can be confident that he is not raising someone else's offspring.

That doesn't seem to be working particularly well for a lot of families"

Ah well, for about 200,000 years we lived in societies without taxes or pensions, or government aid, and you had to physically hunt and kill to survive. Our society has changed much faster than our brains can evolve.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *xploreingMan
over a year ago

dublin

that is a pretty mind searching question, but based on FAB being a sex site do we accept that we are all here for the same self centred sexual gratification. That being the case we are all in common ground . The secret is to find the individual or individuals that have sexual needs that are complementary to our own which ultimately will generate a balance of personal sexual satisfaction for both/all parties

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *rakesterlingMan
over a year ago

Dublin


"What are your two cents about it? Would you agree or disagree?

Supposedly, sex can also be used to transcend 'the self' and join two lovers in union with the divine consciousness.

A guy who went to my school was telling us he did it.

Seriously, what does that even mean?"

Well myths and fantasies speak of these things, and many myths actually end up being right and onto something.

Experiment were done where it has been shown that two brains can sync up under certain conditions (given they are biological electromagnetic devices, and we have yet to fully understand how quantum entanglement works), having sex being one of them.

In those situations yes, the bodies involved have described being connected, transcendental, astrally projected, whatever phrase and paradigm you choose to express it in...

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"What are your two cents about it? Would you agree or disagree?

Supposedly, sex can also be used to transcend 'the self' and join two lovers in union with the divine consciousness.

A guy who went to my school was telling us he did it.

Seriously, what does that even mean?

Well myths and fantasies speak of these things, and many myths actually end up being right and onto something.

Experiment were done where it has been shown that two brains can sync up under certain conditions (given they are biological electromagnetic devices, and we have yet to fully understand how quantum entanglement works), having sex being one of them.

In those situations yes, the bodies involved have described being connected, transcendental, astrally projected, whatever phrase and paradigm you choose to express it in... "

Hmm, I can believe in the possibility of telepathic connection and communication, but the physical sexual act could merely be incidental to a close emotional bond between the two perhaps?

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 
 

By *rakesterlingMan
over a year ago

Dublin


"

Hmm, I can believe in the possibility of telepathic connection and communication, but the physical sexual act could merely be incidental to a close emotional bond between the two perhaps?"

Well, there would have to be a period of synchronisation, ie... Live together for a long time, talk to each other, exchanging fantasies, anything that would put the two on the same track... But yeah, this is veering off topic and is going into sci-fi and/or parapsychology territory so... Let's not go down that rabbit hole

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
Post new Message to Thread
back to top