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Best Monday Joke

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By *arlos11191 OP   Man
over a year ago

Bray

Tell me your best joke, don’t keep it inside

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What does James Bond's doorbell sound like?

'Dong, Ding Dong'

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By *arlos11191 OP   Man
over a year ago

Bray

How do you make a pool table laugh? Tickle its balls.

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By *og-ManMan
over a year ago

somewhere

The Irish Army found they had too many officers and decided to offer an early retirement bonus. They promised any officer who volunteered for Retirement a bonus of €1,000 for every inch measured in a straight line between any Two points in his body.. The officer got to choose what those two points would be.

The first officer who accepted asked that he be measured from the top of His head to the tip of his toes. He was measured at six feet and

walked out with a bonus of €72,000...

The second officer who accepted was a little smarter and asked to be measured from the tip of his outstretched hands to his toes. He walked out with €96,000.

The third one was a non-commissioned officer, a grizzly old Quarter Master who, when asked where he would like to be measured replied,

'From the tip of my penis to my testicles.'

It was suggested by the pension man that he might want to reconsider, explaining about the nice big cheques the previous two Officers had

received. But the old Quartermaster insisted and they decided to go along with him providing the measure was taken by a Medical Officer.

The Medical Officer arrived and instructed the man to drop 'em,' which He did. The Medical Officer placed the tape measure on the tip of the Quartermasters penis and began to work back. Dear Lord!' he suddenly exclaimed,

'Where Are your testicles?'

The Quartermaster calmly replied, ' The Lebanon'

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By *irbobbybillMan
over a year ago

larne

What is Forrest gumps WiFi password???

1forrest1

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By *s LollyWoman
over a year ago

The pub then supermacs ...

What do you call bird's who stick together?

Vel-crows

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"What do you call bird's who stick together?

Vel-crows "

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By *s LollyWoman
over a year ago

The pub then supermacs ...

What do you call a tree that grows in your hand?

A palm tree

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By *arlos11191 OP   Man
over a year ago

Bray


"What do you call bird's who stick together?

Vel-crows "

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By *arlos11191 OP   Man
over a year ago

Bray

What makes fat male penguins such a hit with penguin females? - They sure know how to break the ice.

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By *arlos11191 OP   Man
over a year ago

Bray

I lent my girlfriend a lot of money for cosmetic surgery a while ago. I’ve been trying to get it back now for weeks. Problem is I’ve no idea what she looks like now

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By *eekin NSAMan
over a year ago

Ireland /Kilkenny areas

All this on line shopping since lockdown Got myself a lovely 15 year old scotch Was fine until her parents found out .......

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By *arlos11191 OP   Man
over a year ago

Bray


"All this on line shopping since lockdown Got myself a lovely 15 year old scotch Was fine until her parents found out ......."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I stumbled out of bed, made my way to the bathroom, when i fell to the floor, something wrapped around my legs,

It was the ladies bra,

A feckin Boobie trap

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By *arlos11191 OP   Man
over a year ago

Bray


"I stumbled out of bed, made my way to the bathroom, when i fell to the floor, something wrapped around my legs,

It was the ladies bra,

A feckin Boobie trap "
thanks

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What do you get if you stick your hand down Mystic Megs knickers?

Your palm red once a month!

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By *parklySassWoman
over a year ago

Sassville


"

The Irish Army found they had too many officers and decided to offer an early retirement bonus. They promised any officer who volunteered for Retirement a bonus of €1,000 for every inch measured in a straight line between any Two points in his body.. The officer got to choose what those two points would be.

The first officer who accepted asked that he be measured from the top of His head to the tip of his toes. He was measured at six feet and

walked out with a bonus of €72,000...

The second officer who accepted was a little smarter and asked to be measured from the tip of his outstretched hands to his toes. He walked out with €96,000.

The third one was a non-commissioned officer, a grizzly old Quarter Master who, when asked where he would like to be measured replied,

'From the tip of my penis to my testicles.'

It was suggested by the pension man that he might want to reconsider, explaining about the nice big cheques the previous two Officers had

received. But the old Quartermaster insisted and they decided to go along with him providing the measure was taken by a Medical Officer.

The Medical Officer arrived and instructed the man to drop 'em,' which He did. The Medical Officer placed the tape measure on the tip of the Quartermasters penis and began to work back. Dear Lord!' he suddenly exclaimed,

'Where Are your testicles?'

The Quartermaster calmly replied, ' The Lebanon'"

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By *og-ManMan
over a year ago

somewhere


"What do you get if you stick your hand down Mystic Megs knickers?

Your palm red once a month!"

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By *allyWally19Woman
over a year ago

The Road to Nowhere

I burnt my Hawaiin pizza last night....I should have put it on aloha setting

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I burnt my Hawaiin pizza last night....I should have put it on aloha setting "

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