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Last night

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Got a random call from an ex girlfriend last night, she said she was lonely, horny and she fancied some action, did I want to come round?

I managed to get flashed by two speed cameras on the way to her house.

Which is quite impressive considering I was on foot.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The wife called me up and asked if I fancied coming home at lunch time for a quickie.

I told her "it's pronounced 'quiche' you idiot, and you know I dont like savoury pasteries!"

Some women never listen.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Got a random call from an ex girlfriend last night, she said she was lonely, horny and she fancied some action, did I want to come round?

I managed to get flashed by two speed cameras on the way to her house.

Which is quite impressive considering I was on foot."

Very good

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"The wife called me up and asked if I fancied coming home at lunch time for a quickie.

I told her "it's pronounced 'quiche' you idiot, and you know I dont like savoury pasteries!"

Some women never listen. "

Good one lol

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By *adame BWoman
over a year ago

C'est moi Boudoir


"The wife called me up and asked if I fancied coming home at lunch time for a quickie.

I told her "it's pronounced 'quiche' you idiot, and you know I dont like savoury pasteries!"

Some women never listen. "

Is her name Lorraine?

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By *lameBoyMan
over a year ago

Enfield & Dublin

I rolled over in the bed last night and asked my wife what would she like to do to my body.

She replied “Identity it!”

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Every time I see the title of this post I automatically in my head sing, "she said"

Anyone else ?

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By *dfabMan
over a year ago

Dunboyne


"I rolled over in the bed last night and asked my wife what would she like to do to my body.

She replied “Identify it!”"

Fixed that for ya

Gas thread

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Last night my ex and her 4 friends attacked me with sticks as I walked home. I managed to knock one and let me tell you it’s hard to wank as they hit me

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Now I've got that tune from The Strokes in my head....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

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By *oserMan
over a year ago

where the wild roses grow

Picked up a hitchhiker last night.

He asked me "How do you know I'm not a serial killer?"

I responded "Haha! What are the chances there'd be 2 serial killers in 1 car at the same time?"

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By *og-ManMan
over a year ago

somewhere

Whats the difference between my glasses and a woman

I can get my glasses to sit right on my face

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

How do you make a woman moan after sex?

Wipe your knob off the curtains

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

I sat my ex wife down and broke the bad news to her

“I’m so sorry” I said “the cat has torn your budgie to shreds”

“But we don’t have a cat” she wailed

“I know” I said “ I had to borrow one”

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By *ohnFKMan
over a year ago

Where the Streets Have No Name

I stumbled home shit faced last night holding a lamb under my arm.

'This is that pig I was telling you about'

'That's a lamb you d*unken eejit' my wife said.

'I know...I was talking to the lamb.'

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By *onedbodMan
over a year ago

co Galway

Burnt my Hawaiian pizza last night! Should have cooked it in Aloha temperature

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"The wife called me up and asked if I fancied coming home at lunch time for a quickie.

I told her "it's pronounced 'quiche' you idiot, and you know I dont like savoury pasteries!"

Some women never listen.

Is her name Lorraine? "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Every time I see the title of this post I automatically in my head sing, "she said"

Anyone else ? "

Yeah me too

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By *ealitybitesMan
over a year ago

Belfast

A mate is just back from Thailand.

He told me about meeting a lovely Thai lady in a nightclub.

She looked like a lady, talked and walked like a lady so when she invited him back to hers he said yes.

It was only when she reversed into her driveway first time that he went " Now hang on a minute!"

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