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Silly jokes

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

To give us all a giggle today I thought we could indulge each other in silly little jokes that are either old or daft but never fail to make us laugh. I’ll start:

I was in court the other and the judge had no thumbs. He was called Justice Fingers!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What bee’s produce milk? Boobies

I’m having pasta for dinner tonight as I’m feeling cannelloni

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By *13_hercMan
over a year ago

Blackrock

Did you know that it is not actually possible to Run in a camp-site....you can only Ran, because it's past tents !!(tense)

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By *rakesterlingMan
over a year ago

Dublin

walks into the pub, raises two fingers and says:

Five beers for the lads from the saw mill!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches.... A nervous wreck

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What do you call a lesbian dinosaur ???

Lickalotapuss.

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By *oft_sexy_sweetWoman
over a year ago

Dublin

What did the letter O say to the letter Q?

Dude, your dick's hanging out

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By *tevecabra7Man
over a year ago

cabra

What ya call a girl with a laptop on her head? ADELL

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

What comes out of a cow and sounds like a bell ringing?

DUNG!!!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I said to my friend earlier I'm staying in and watching that 'Lock Stock and Two Smoking Barrels' tonight.

"What", he said, "with Jason Statham and Vinnie Jones?"

"No", I said, "just by myself".

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What did the big chimney say to the little chimney? You're too young to smoke

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"walks into the pub, raises two fingers and says:

Five beers for the lads from the saw mill!"

A Roman walks into the pub, raises two fingers and says:

Five beers please.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What do ya call a Spanish sheep with no legs?

Grassy ass

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Ok,What are the three shortest words in the Oxford dictionary and also embarrassing for a lady to ask..

Is it in

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By *heeky_BudgieMan
over a year ago

Belfast

I lost my job as a wine waiter in a Nudist Camp as I was always walking about with a Sémillon...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I love terrible jokes

What do you call a fly without wings? A walk

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What's the difference between a Hippo and a Zippo.?

One is really heavy and the other is a little lighter.

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By *urvySingleLadyWoman
over a year ago

Limerick/Galway

Did you hear about the two lads that were up in court for stealing a calendar?

They got six months each.

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By *parklySassWoman
over a year ago

Sassville


"What's the difference between a Hippo and a Zippo.?

One is really heavy and the other is a little lighter."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

..How do you talk to giants

Use big words!

Trump's words:

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A Man goes to a pet store to buy a goldfish. The sales person asks him....Do you want an aquarium?

The Man responds, "I don't care what star sign it is...

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By *og-ManMan
over a year ago

somewhere

What do you call a man with a seagull on his head

Cliff

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"A Man goes to a pet store to buy a goldfish. The sales person asks him....Do you want an aquarium?

The Man responds, "I don't care what star sign it is... "

Wonder tis that the same man that entered the shop last summer looking to purchase a wasp.

The assistant replied sorri sir we have none for sale

Customer replies yes you have two in the window..

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By *azkinsWoman
over a year ago

leeds

What do you call a woman witha radiator on her head?

A)Anita

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By *rmrspumpCouple
over a year ago

narnia

Did you hear about the magic tractor..? It turned into a field

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By *usyatminMan
over a year ago

Wicklow, Wexford, Dublin and Carlow

I always wanted to be a doctor.

Turned out I didn’t have the patients.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What's the difference between a tractor and a giraffe?

One has hydraulics, the other has a high bollix.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What do you call a boomerang that won't come back?.... A stick

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By *heeky_BudgieMan
over a year ago

Belfast

A woman had two pet monkeys. She loved them. But they died suddenly. So instead of burying them she goes to a taxidermist. The taxidermist says “do you want them mounted?” She goes “No. Just holding hands”.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I was trying to recommend a new vac vacuum to a friend but he wasn’t having any of it. I think he’s an anti-vaxer

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What do you call a man with a shovel in his hand? Doug

What do you call a woman leaning against a wall? Eileen

What do you call a woman not leaning against a wall? Joleen

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"What do you call a man with a shovel in his hand? Doug

What do you call a woman leaning against a wall? Eileen

What do you call a woman not leaning against a wall? Joleen

"

What fo you call a woman standing between two houses?

Elaine

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The Japanese car thief?

Tommy Tukamota

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Did you hear about the constipated mathematician?

She worked it out with a pencil!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Did you know sparrows die after sex????....... Well the ones I've fucked do

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The Russian lemonade Thief.?

Whodunickacrateofpopoff.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Ha, I've just realised what an epiphany is!

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By *og-ManMan
over a year ago

somewhere


"Ha, I've just realised what an epiphany is!"

Brilliant

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Ha, I've just realised what an epiphany is!

Brilliant "

Its from milton jones

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What a laugh - thanks peeps badly needed

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A man and his wife are woken at 3 o'clock in the morning by a loud knocking on the door.

The man gets up and goes to the door where a stranger is standing in the pouring rain.

"Excuse me mate", he asks, "I'm sorry to disturb you, but I don't suppose you could help me out - I need a push!

"Not a chance," says the husband, "it's 3 o'clock in the morning!" He slams the door and returns to bed.

"Who was that?" asked his wife.

"Just some guy asking for a push," he answers.

"Did you help him?" she asks.

"No, I did not, it is 3 o'clock in the morning and it is pouring out there!"

"Well, you have a short memory," says his wife. "Can't you remember, about three months ago when we broke down, and those two guys helped us? I think you should help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself!"

The man does as he is told, puts a coat over his dressing gown, and goes out into the pounding rain.

He calls out into the dark, "Hello, are you still there?"

"Yes" comes back the answer.

"Do you still need a push?", calls out the husband.

"Yes, please!" comes the reply from the dark.

"Where are you?" asks the husband.

"Over here on the swings!" he replies

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By *og-ManMan
over a year ago

somewhere

During one of her daily classes, a teacher trying to teach good manners, asked her students the following question:

"Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom

Michael said: 'Just a minute I have to go pee.'

The teacher responded by saying: 'That would be rude and impolite'

What about you Sherman, how would you say it?'

Sherman said: 'I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. I'll be right back.'

'That's better, but it's still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the dinner table.

And you, little Johnny, can you use your brain for once and show us your good manners?

Johnny said: 'I would say: Darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I hope to introduce to you after dinner.

The teacher fainted.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Ha, I've just realised what an epiphany is!"

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By *usyatminMan
over a year ago

Wicklow, Wexford, Dublin and Carlow

[Removed by poster at 27/03/21 00:14:07]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What do you call a Dinosaurs Fart?

A blast from the past

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm going to France tomorrow for the world "Flicking A Ruler On The Edge Of A Desk" championships.

It's held annually in the Dordogne...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What's the difference between hungry and horny?

Where you stick the cucumber??

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By *outh_of_EdenMan
over a year ago

Visiting

Why do Elephants have big ears? Cos Noddy wouldnt pay the ransom!!!

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By *outh_of_EdenMan
over a year ago

Visiting

The garda found over 2000 dead crows on M9 recently, and there was concern that they may have died from Avian Flu. A Pathologist examined the remains of all the crows, and, to everyone's relief, confirmed the problem was NOT Avian Flu. The cause of death appeared to be from vehicular impacts. However, during analysis it was noted that varying colours of paints appeared on the ...bird's beaks and claws. By analysing these paint residues it was found that 98% of the crows had been killed by impact with Trucks and Lorries, while only 2% were killed by cars.

They then hired an Ornithological Behaviourist to determine if there was a cause for the disproportionate percentages of Lorry kills versus car kills. The Ornithological Behaviourist quickly concluded that when crows eat on the motorway, they always have a look-out crow to warn of danger. They discovered that while all the lookout crows could shout "Cah", not a single one could shout "Lorry".

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why did humpty dumpty push his girlfriend off the wall?

Because he wanted to see her crack

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By *elfastblondMan
over a year ago

Belfast

I was wondering why the ball was getting bigger, then it hit me

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By *iss3BWoman
over a year ago

north down


"I was wondering why the ball was getting bigger, then it hit me "

The oldies are the best.....jokes good too

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By *elfastblondMan
over a year ago

Belfast


"I was wondering why the ball was getting bigger, then it hit me

The oldies are the best.....jokes good too "

Thanks x

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By *ORDERMANMan
over a year ago

wrexham(south)

Me and the wife tried a new tantric sex position yesterday called the plumber..

I was in all day and nobody came

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By *atts n titsCouple
over a year ago

everywhere

What does the receptionist at the sperm say as you leave

Thanks for cumming

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