FabSwingers.com forum: Perceptions

By *ealitybites OP Man
over a year ago

Belfast

A real man is a man with genuine self-confidence and true masculinity. He’s a man who knows his own mind and knows what he’s about in life, and he’s not afraid to stand up for what he believes in.

The above is a quote taken from an article that I read recently and like most pieces some parts are more applicable than others but as this is a fab forum I cherrypicked the parts that reflect fab behaviour best.

It goes on to say that when a man has these qualities, he has a natural self-assuredness that makes him stand out head and shoulders above other men, and women feel an instinctive sexual attraction towards him.

Having the strength of character to be his own man in the world and to always be true to himself he takes part in something and offers his true opinion because he is interested in it and not because he’s trying to hopefully impress people and get them to like him.

There’s nothing wrong with treating a woman well and a real man does that but being an old school gentleman isn’t what women see as being a real man in today’s world.

How often do we see men putting a woman on a pedestal and virtually throwing themselves at her feet in order to impress her and get her attention before doing exactly the same with the next woman to come along?

Does anyone truly believe that this approach works and can women honestly say that flattery and sychophancy is an attractive trait in a man?

Most women are independent women who know how to hold their own in the world, so they’re looking for a strong man who has what it takes to “sweep her off her feet”.

A real man isn’t a gentle, nice guy who treats her with kid gloves, he’s a man who has what it takes to make her feel like a woman.

Of course there are exceptions to every rule with both men and women and not everyone is looking the same things and that's what makes fab so fab.

Not everyone is confident in themselves and their approach and some will always need that pedestal or thrive on flattery so this thread is more about pausing for a moment and thinking about how honest we are with ourselves in our fab expectations.

Other opinions are also available

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

In my opinion a real man is like a good male lead dancer... he knows what he is doing, and plays his part so well that the lady dances better than she ever danced before. And he is not threatened that all eyes are on her, but delighted in her self-confidence

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"How often do we see men putting a woman on a pedestal and virtually throwing themselves at her feet in order to impress her and get her attention before doing exactly the same with the next woman to come along?"

This I can spot a mile away and generally dont entertain. But I induldged an expert hunter once and it waa great fun...sparks flew.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

All men are real men, nobody is perfect and we all have flaws.

Same goes for women.

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By *ed_AliceWoman
over a year ago

Belfast

I'm not a fan of defining 'real' men, or women, for that matter.

Different people are attracted to different qualities & attributes, but I would agree with the sentiment that confidence & self-assurance certainly add to attractiveness. Being honest about their opinions & values is necessary to assess compatibility & is appreciated & valued.

Feeling that you could be interchangable with any other person who shares a characteristic someone likes or fetishizes is unattractive, off-putting & often obvious. That may be wanting to put any woman on a pedestal or it could be an arrogant 'a kill's a kill' attitude.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"A real man is a man with genuine self-confidence and true masculinity. He’s a man who knows his own mind and knows what he’s about in life, and he’s not afraid to stand up for what he believes in.

There’s nothing wrong with treating a woman well and a real man does that but being an old school gentleman isn’t what women see as being a real man in today’s world.

Does anyone truly believe that this approach works and can women honestly say that flattery and sychophancy is an attractive trait in a man?

Most women are independent women who know how to hold their own in the world, so they’re looking for a strong man who has what it takes to “sweep her off her feet”.

A real man isn’t a gentle, nice guy who treats her with kid gloves, he’s a man who has what it takes to make her feel like a woman.

Of course there are exceptions to every rule with both men and women and not everyone is looking the same things and that's what makes fab so fab.

Other opinions are also available"

Exceptions to every rule? Could you elaborate which rule is that please? I get the rest and yes some i do agree with but i do think "expectations" shouild be left at the fab front door lol.

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By *ustBoWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in Co. Down

Taking away the 'real man' comment as that is a quote from somewhere else. I think a few on fab probably more than a few are scared to let their real personalities show for fear that they may put off the people they are interested in.

I personally prefer people to be themselves and share their opinions etc rather than hide behind a fake persona. At least then you can make up your mind of they are someone who you want to interact with.

Personally I like guys who say what they think, that however does not mean I like ones who like to demean and be nasty. But just someone who is genuine and has the belief in himself to be himself.

The ones who (for lack of a better way to describe it) blow smoke up most womens asses just make me laugh. And I tend to avoid them as they will say anything to get into womens good books.Flirting and having a laugh is one thing constantly sucking up to any woman just shows what they say should be taken with a pinch of salt. Just like the you're gorgeous messages. It's funny but as fake as a £11 note.Some people love the attention and some I'm sure believe it's true and it gives them a boost. Which is fine as well everyone likes a boost every now and then . Me well I'm too cynical at this stage to believe it all especially on first contact messages

But like the op says its what makes fab fab is the diversity and what works for one person won't work for another.

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By *eaAndBenCouple
over a year ago

Dublin

I think the attributes of self-confidence, knowing ones own mind and not being afraid to stand up for what you believe in are great human attributes for anyone to possess. Likewise I think everyone appreciates manners, civility and the the prospect of romance and being swept of their feet! I don’t ascribe much to the concepts of real men/women or masculinity/femininity, it places far too much pressure on individuals to conform to often unhealthy “ideals”.

As for fab, well blow enough smoke and eventually you might find someone buying what you’re selling!!

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By *ealitybites OP Man
over a year ago

Belfast

There’s nothing wrong with treating a woman well and a real man does that but being an old school gentleman isn’t what women see as being a real man in today’s world.

Does anyone truly believe that this approach works and can women honestly say that flattery and sychophancy is an attractive trait in a man?

Most women are independent women who know how to hold their own in the world, so they’re looking for a strong man who has what it takes to “sweep her off her feet”.

A real man isn’t a gentle, nice guy who treats her with kid gloves, he’s a man who has what it takes to make her feel like a woman.

Of course there are exceptions to every rule with both men and women and not everyone is looking the same things and that's what makes fab so fab.

Other opinions are also available

Exceptions to every rule? Could you elaborate which rule is that please? I get the rest and yes some i do agree with but i do think "expectations" shouild be left at the fab front door lol. "

It's a turn of phrase and not to be taken literally. Everyone makes their own personal rules in life and in fab.

Expectations are unique to everyone but it's difficult to engage with anyone without them. Expecting someone to do or say something is different to what your personal expectations are and your reason for being here

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think the attributes of self-confidence, knowing ones own mind and not being afraid to stand up for what you believe in are great human attributes for anyone to possess. Likewise I think everyone appreciates manners, civility and the the prospect of romance and being swept of their feet! I don’t ascribe much to the concepts of real men/women or masculinity/femininity, it places far too much pressure on individuals to conform to often unhealthy “ideals”.

As for fab, well blow enough smoke and eventually you might find someone buying what you’re selling!!

Yes i see what you're saying in relation to the real men and women statement and masculinity/femininity, so what it's potentially saying is a real man is that of masculinity aposed to a man who knows and understands his feminine side or visa - versa.

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By *ichael McCarthyMan
over a year ago

Lucan

Jaysus, I used to be confident but now I'm starting to worry that I'm giving out the wrong signals. Life is a minefield.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Jaysus, I used to be confident but now I'm starting to worry that I'm giving out the wrong signals. Life is a minefield.

Careful now Mick or you might be accused of being a fake man

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By *ontbesillywrapyourwillyMan
over a year ago

Tipperary

don't mind fab forums for a true reflection of men. id say you could count on one hand here the amount who speak their mind/give their honest opinion. instead, they say "the right thing" or even better, "the one they think women want to hear" in the hope of getting their willy's wet.

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By *ichael McCarthyMan
over a year ago

Lucan

"Jaysus, I used to be confident but now I'm starting to worry that I'm giving out the wrong signals. Life is a minefield.

Careful now Mick or you might be accused of being a fake man

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There’s nothing wrong with treating a woman well and a real man does that but being an old school gentleman isn’t what women see as being a real man in today’s world.

Does anyone truly believe that this approach works and can women honestly say that flattery and sychophancy is an attractive trait in a man?

Most women are independent women who know how to hold their own in the world, so they’re looking for a strong man who has what it takes to “sweep her off her feet”.

A real man isn’t a gentle, nice guy who treats her with kid gloves, he’s a man who has what it takes to make her feel like a woman.

Of course there are exceptions to every rule with both men and women and not everyone is looking the same things and that's what makes fab so fab.

Other opinions are also available

Exceptions to every rule? Could you elaborate which rule is that please? I get the rest and yes some i do agree with but i do think "expectations" shouild be left at the fab front door lol.

It's a turn of phrase and not to be taken literally. Everyone makes their own personal rules in life and in fab.

I personally have limits and boundaries. As for expectations i don't have any i just go with the flow and just be myself not what others expect me to be like. As for a real man isn't gentle? He has what it's got to make a woman feel like a woman not to sure about this to be honest

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By *ichael McCarthyMan
over a year ago

Lucan

"don't mind fab forums for a true reflection of men. id say you could count on one hand here the amount who speak their mind/give their honest opinion. instead, they say "the right thing" or even better, "the one they think women want to hear" in the hope of getting their willy's wet. "

If I could only figure out what women want to hear..

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By *ontbesillywrapyourwillyMan
over a year ago

Tipperary

If I could only figure out what women want to hear..

"
if you don't know at your age Michael...

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By *ichael McCarthyMan
over a year ago

Lucan

If I could only figure out what women want to hear..

if you don't know at your age Michael... "

I was going to say "it's all downhill from here" but it turns out that's being taken by some as a positive statement these days.

I miss the days when I woke up in the morning with an erection and spent the day looking for a vagina to put it in. God, life is so complex these days, having to charm the ladies and all...

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By *ustBoWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in Co. Down

If I could only figure out what women want to hear..

if you don't know at your age Michael...

I was going to say "it's all downhill from here" but it turns out that's being taken by some as a positive statement these days.

I miss the days when I woke up in the morning with an erection and spent the day looking for a vagina to put it in. God, life is so complex these days, having to charm the ladies and all...

Ah then some don't even have cutains either the world is gone mad Michael pure mad

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By *ichael McCarthyMan
over a year ago

Lucan

If I could only figure out what women want to hear..

if you don't know at your age Michael...

I was going to say "it's all downhill from here" but it turns out that's being taken by some as a positive statement these days.

I miss the days when I woke up in the morning with an erection and spent the day looking for a vagina to put it in. God, life is so complex these days, having to charm the ladies and all...

Ah then some don't even have cutains either the world is gone mad Michael pure mad

Aaaarrgh! FML!

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By *ealitybites OP Man
over a year ago

Belfast

The term "real man" isn't mine and neither are the words of the original post.

Anyone who knows me on here knows that self confidence is something new to me and only recently discovered.

However the part about being honest with ourselves in regard to expectations is something that raises it's head every day in here.

People say one thing and do another or belittle someone else for having an opinion while at the same time don't offer their own true opinion.

Everyone is different and no-one is without flaws but every newbie asking for advice on the forums is told to be themselves.

To be yourself is dictated by age, experience and your individual personality hence we have many different characters and opinions here and each one is equally valid.

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By *B 4099Man
over a year ago

North West, Outer Letterkenny area

I find the whole real man, real woman thing quite amusing as a man designed construct. Unless you are pinocchio who of course was made a real boy by a woman. Can you imagine how different all the David Attenborough stuff would have been , "Here we see a lion, he's not a real lion , he doesn't know how to make the lioness feel like a real lioness, and he ran from water buffalo, what a poor excuse for a lion " (read it in his voice its fun)

It's just human behaviour. And no matter who you are male or female or other. You will not please everyone. You won't be everyones cup of tea. Sex can be a funny thing, the person may not be your "type" and not be what you look for usually, but you may just click on a sexual level and personality level . Its a lot of unnecessary pressure on people of both sexes to feel comfortable in who they are . According to a deodorant with a little ship on the bottle, wear that you are a real man. But you smell like a skunk repellent. You are who you are.

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By *B 4099Man
over a year ago

North West, Outer Letterkenny area

"The term "real man" isn't mine and neither are the words of the original post.

Anyone who knows me on here knows that self confidence is something new to me and only recently discovered.

However the part about being honest with ourselves in regard to expectations is something that raises it's head every day in here.

People say one thing and do another or belittle someone else for having an opinion while at the same time don't offer their own true opinion.

Everyone is different and no-one is without flaws but every newbie asking for advice on the forums is told to be themselves.

To be yourself is dictated by age, experience and your individual personality hence we have many different characters and opinions here and each one is equally valid."

Said much better than I did, my default is abstract funny. Its not funny to anyone else but I laugh. But its a very good topic OP .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There is a lot to unpack in that statement, was the article in playboy magazine ... does anyone even sell printed or buy adult mags anymore

Back to my thought... it comes to the phrase “true masculinity” ... the text that follows indicates that this is what a man is defined by, relative to their actions towards the focus of their desires.

Another section
" A real man isn’t a gentle, nice guy who treats her with kid gloves, he’s a man who has what it takes to make her feel like a woman. "
Is that opinion or article?

We all ultimately want to be swept off our feet or see another person swoon to our self perceived charm. The only thing that in my not so humble opinion to aim for is a smile. If we find a way to make each other smile.... well that’s part of being a real man in my view of the world.

The opening gambit there could also be used as part of an opening to real men to back the not so real revolution....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Perceptions are the in the mind of those judging these men and women on their actions.

Fab provides a shroud of anonymity not afforded in every day life. Which therefore intensifies behaviour, a behaviour which is generally motivated by sexual intentions.

However it's not too difficult to see what individuals are really like as personality traits always shine through!

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By *ealitybites OP Man
over a year ago

Belfast

The article is by a guy called Dan Bacon titled The Modern man.

He is a self proclaimed relationship "expert" and the article should be taken with a pinch of salt.

I've never read any of his work before or in fact any other similar article as it's not my kind of reading material.

Some of his words are valid though because I see it every day and not just in fab and they echo what some women have said to me in regard to themselves.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What is a real man? A real man is different to everyone else. He knows what he wants but might not always have the confidence to get it. Does lack of confidence make him not a real man? A man with a woman can grow in confidence. If we were all real men it would be boring. Finding out who the man is and what he is about is finding out his real side. Then you see the real man.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

So getting back to this statement here, is this a part of the article as Well OP?

"A real man isn’t a gentle, nice guy who treats her with kid gloves, he’s a man who has what it takes to make her feel like a woman".

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By *ealitybites OP Man
over a year ago

Belfast

"So getting back to this statement here, is this a part of the article as Well OP?

"A real man isn’t a gentle, nice guy who treats her with kid gloves, he’s a man who has what it takes to make her feel like a woman".

I've already answered that. It's in the article mentioned above

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"So getting back to this statement here, is this a part of the article as Well OP?

"A real man isn’t a gentle, nice guy who treats her with kid gloves, he’s a man who has what it takes to make her feel like a woman".

I've already answered that. It's in the article mentioned above"

It's not clear which is part of the article and which is"nt. Anyway i wouldn't like to depend if a man that thinks he must make me feel like a woman or feel like anything for that matter. For me i must own my own feelings otherwise it can become codependacy, also he is saying a real man isn’t gentle i don't think that's true. I know you gave the name of the article i may have a look at it actually.

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By *ealitybites OP Man
over a year ago

Belfast

I've checked again and it's a website called The Modern Man and the article is actually called Definition of a real man.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Ah can't find it so moving onwards now but dud find intesting stuff about rejection while looking. At least i made an effort to find it. Maybe I should look up the modern woman.

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By *ealitybites OP Man
over a year ago

Belfast

Well done you

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think the topic is a lazy philosophy that's backed up by assumptions. However in saying that, if he wasn't alienating both men and women, some of what he says is important.

Men have a hard time finding their self worth and how the world works. Some men probably come in here acting like christian grey because that's what we are told women want.

But back to definition of man crap, it's placebo at best and just depressing at worst.

Glad you found your confidence OP!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

To me a "real man" is independent, strong, and powerful but kind and supportive when it matters.

The same applies to a "real women" though in my book.

Equal partners is the ultimate for me. But everyone is different.

Finding the ying to your own yang is all that matters

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By *oghunter33Woman
over a year ago

on the hill NordWest of

I've to say I find this modern man or real man stuff always bit weird. It seems that with women getting more emancipated and equal in society, men having to engage more with the upbringing of their kids plus some pc stuff and #metoo results in half of the blokes get lost because they got insecure, can't cope with the changes and struggle to find their place in society. You ain't dinosaurs lads just cop on, it's not rocket science. Maybe I'm to harsh but mutual respect, equality, tolerance, open mindedness and some hands on goes a long way and that applies to both sides. You don't have to turn yourself upside down and do the arse creeping.

And we ladies have to accept that we can't have the cake and eat it. There's adjustments needed on both sides.

Having said all that when it comes to fab you can throw all the above over board because pussy power rules this place.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Anything that says a “real” anything is a lazy stupid crock of shit. It’s nearly sole purpose is to down and dismiss others.

It’s very unintelligent and totally unrealistically unthoughtful and self aggrandising.

Also I’ve not read any responses yet so here come the perennially offended brigade no doubt - which would be very ironic, given my stance on this

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sounds like the article was written by Errol Flynn's grandson...lol

The article for the most part references masculine charisma. Is that the defination of a real man?

I hope I'm a lot more than that. I hope all men are. But perhaps sadly aren't

Oh...yeah. A real man. loves his Mammy and Daddy. Teaches his kids to be rounded kind compassionate adults. And pays his way in life.

Good debate though OP.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've never had the need to try justify my personality or to try fit into any category to improve my chances..

I think some people mistake confidence for being loud and talking about themselves alot which can sometimes be a way of distracting from lack of confidence.

We are far too complex for a one size fits all categorisation of X+Y= congrats you are a real man.

I'm accepting that I have many flaws and its the ability of others to be comfortable sharing their own flaws that drives attraction for me.

Showing some vulnerability Arrogance imo

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Showing some vulnerability (is greater than) Arrogance imo"

Hmmm the greater than symbol doesn't work on here. Every day is a learning day...

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