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bad jokes

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

any one got any innocent, bad jokes. i love them. ill get the ball rolling.

did you hear about the dublin magician

he walked down o O'Connell street and turned into Henry street.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

ok, not that innocent, but a silly one:

Two howaya slags walk into Brown Thomas, they stroll up to the perfume counter and pick up a sample bottle. Sharon sprays it on her wrist and smells it: 'Dat's quite nice innit, don't you tink Jacinta?'. 'Yeah, what's it called?'. 'Viens a moi' 'VIENS A MOI, what the fook does that mean? At this stage the assistant offers some help. 'Viens a moi, ladies, is French for "come to me". Sharon, takes another sniff and offers her arm to Jacinta again saying, "That doesn't smell like come to me, does that smell like come to you?".

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

i like it BB

one more

did you hear about the sudden death of kevin the spud

there was a big turnip at the funeral

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"ok, not that innocent, but a silly one:

Two howaya slags walk into Brown Thomas, they stroll up to the perfume counter and pick up a sample bottle. Sharon sprays it on her wrist and smells it: 'Dat's quite nice innit, don't you tink Jacinta?'. 'Yeah, what's it called?'. 'Viens a moi' 'VIENS A MOI, what the fook does that mean? At this stage the assistant offers some help. 'Viens a moi, ladies, is French for "come to me". Sharon, takes another sniff and offers her arm to Jacinta again saying, "That doesn't smell like come to me, does that smell like come to you?".

"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"i like it BB

one more

did you hear about the sudden death of kevin the spud

there was a big turnip at the funeral"

ah there bloody ancient

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"i like it BB

one more

did you hear about the sudden death of kevin the spud

there was a big turnip at the funeral

ah there bloody ancient"

ah sugarplum, there new to me

ok, what about this one

did you hear about the scarecrow who won an award

he was outstanding in his field

im here all night

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I see you're applying for the next Kilkenny Comedy Festival lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Whats brown and sticky?

A stick

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I see you're applying for the next Kilkenny Comedy Festival lol"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Wjats black and white and red all over? A nun falling down a hill

What black and white and laughing their ass off? The nun that pushed her

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

a guy walks up to a really ugly chick in a bar and says to her i'd give u 1! Excuse me she replies i wudn't sleep with u if u were the last man on earth!! Whoa, he replies i meant on a scale of 1 to 10 i'd give u a 1

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

THE PANTS IN THE FAMILY

A young couple, just married were in their honeymoon suite on their wedding

night.

As they were undressing for bed, the husband who was a big burly man tossed his pants to his bride and said, "Here, put these on."

She put them on and the waist was twice the size of her body.

"I can't wear your pants, "she said.

"That's right," said the husband, and don't you ever forget it. I'm the man who wears the pants in this family."

With that she flipped him her panties and said' "Try these on."

He tried them on and found he could only get them on as far as his kneecaps.

"Hell," he said. "I can't get into your panties!"

She replied, "That's right, and that's the way its going to be until your f*cking attitude changes!"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The Irish team in the men's synchronised diving competition have pulled out of the finals after a fight broke out between them in the Olympic village last night, Mick said Eamonn was copying him ........

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

my girl friend in a moment of passion told me to give her 12 inches and hurt her.

so i fucked her twice and told her she had a big arse

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There was a middle-aged guy who bought a brand new Mercedes convertible SLK.

He took off down the road, flooring it up to 80 mph and he enjoyed the wind blowing through what little hair he had left on his head. "This is great," he thought, and floored it some more. He looked in his rear view mirror and there was a marked police car behind him, blue lights flashing and siren blasting. "I can get away from him with no problem," thought the man, and he floored it some more and flew down the road at over 120-mph. Then he thought, "What am I doing? I'm too old for this kind of thing," and pulled over to the side of the road and waited for the Police to catch up with him.

The Police pulled in behind the Mercedes and walked up to the man.

"Sir," he said looking at his watch, "My shift ends in 30 minutes and today is Friday the 13th. If you can give me a reason why you were speeding, that I've never heard before, I'll let you go."

The man looked back at the officer and said, "Last week my wife ran off with a police man, and I thought you were bringing her back."

The police man said, "Have a nice day."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Honestly said the Nurse, I am a professional. I am here to help you and of course I wont laugh.....

So the guy drops his pants revealing the smallest penis she ever saw. It was about the size of a AAA battery.

She cant help herself. The giggles start and she is holding her sides trying to contain herself.

your man is shocked and crestfallen. After a few minutes as she dries the tears for her eyes, she apologies, says it never happened before, she is soooo sorry and honestly, she is mortified.

Ok says the guys.

So she is says, now no longer even smilings, what appears to be the problem?

Its swollen he says.......

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