FabSwingers.com forum: Midweek laugh :-D

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

The young lady is walking on the beach.

Suddenly she saw an old bottle. She picked it up, wiped it off the dirt, and here a ghost pops out.

The young lady asks:

-Will I have three wishes?

Brownie:

-No, I'm sorry but I am a ghost that fulfills only one wish, Miss without hesitation:

-I am asking for peace in the Middle East. Can you see this map? He wants all these countries to stop fighting each other, that Jews and Arabs will love each other, and that they love Americans and vice versa, and that they all live in peace and harmony.

Duszek looked at the map and says:

- Woman, be reasonable, these countries have been fighting and hating each other for thousands of years, and after 1000 years of sitting in a bottle, I'm not in the best shape either. I'm GOOD but not that good. I don't think I can do that. Think and make some sensible wish ..- Miss thought for a moment and says:

“Okay, all my life I've wanted to meet the right man to marry him. You know, one who will love me, respect me, defend me, earn good money and give me money, did not drink, smoke, help with children, cook and clean, be great in bed, be faithful and not just watch the TV for sports programs.

That's my wish.

The ghost sighed deeply and said:

-Show me that damn map, please!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Wedding night. She is a virgin, he is a virgin. They are lying in bed but do not know how to start. He is calling his father. - Strip naked and lie next to her - he hears the advice. Yes he does. Not knowing what that means, she gets up and calls her mother. - Undress completely naked and lie next to him - he hears the advice. Young does so. The young man gets up again and calls his father. "Now put the hardest part of your body where she pisses," advises his father. In a moment, the bride calls her mother saying: - Mom, what do I do, he just put his head in the toilet?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

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By *og-ManMan
over a year ago

somewhere

A son from a poor family wins five million pounds on the lottery. He goes home and gives his dad five hundred quid.

The old man looks at the cash and says, "thanks, son, this money will mean a lot to me. We've never had much in this family, we've always been poor. You know, I couldn't even afford to marry your mother."

"What!" exclaims the son, "you mean I'm.......well.......a bastard?"

"Yep," replies his dad,

"and a fecking tight one, too."

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By *ateniteCouple
over a year ago

Youghal

I have a Polish friend who is a sound engineer.

I have Czech one too.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

The guy had a problem with premature ejaculation so he went to the doctor. He asked what to do so that there would be no problem. The doctor advised him:

- When you come, try to scare yourself somehow.

So the guy went to the store that day and bought himself a starter gun, which makes a lot of bangs and can scare you like hell. Excited to try a new method, he flew home quickly. At home he found his wife waiting naked in bed. They started from position 69 and the guy felt he was about to come, so he fired to get scared. The next day he went to the doctor again. The doctor asks:

- How was it?

The guy said:

- Not very cool. When I fired, my wife pissed on my face in fear, bite off 5 cm of my penis, and a neighbor came out of the closet with his hands up ...

That one makes me crying and laughing nonstop

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

A herd of sperm rushes through the dark tunnel to its destiny. They all stick together, only one weak, weakened sticks out at the back. Seeing there is no chance in the race, he shouts to the others:

- Gentlemen, we're in the ass!

Hearing this, they all stop as one man and begin to swim back in disgust, and the one slowly flows on, muttering under his breath:

-And this is how intellectuals are born ...

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By *oo32Man
over a year ago

tipperary

Two cannibals

Find a missionary in the dark....

Since it was dark and they didn't want to run into each other while they ate him, one started at the head and the other at the feet.

After a while the one who started at the top said, "Hey how you doin' down there?"

Cannibal replied, "Man, I'm havin' a ball!"

First one said, "Hey, slow down! You're eatin' too fast!"

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

The three of them sit together: a carrot, a cucumber, and a penis and complain:

Carrot:

-My life sucks, as soon as I get older they take me and cut me to pieces and throw me into the salad.

Cucumber:

-Your life sucks ?! Imagine that - as soon as I grow up - they take me, season me and throw me for a while into a jar full of vinegar in which I wait for someone to take me out and put me in the salad!

The penis speaks:

-You blame ... every time I grow up, they put a plastic bag over my head, squeeze it into a dark and cramped room and hit my head against the wall until I vomit and lose consciousness ...

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By *og-ManMan
over a year ago

somewhere

Sixteen Logical Reasons Why Some Men Have Dogs And Not Wives:

1. The later you are, the more excited your dog is to see you.

2. Dogs don't notice if you call them by another dog's name.

3. Dogs like it if you leave lots of things on the floor.

4. Dogs' parents never visit.

5. Dogs agree that you have to raise your voice to get your point across.

6. You never have to wait for a dog; they're ready to go, instantly, 24 hours a day.

7. Dogs find you amusing when you're pissed.

8. Dogs like to go hunting and fishing.

9. Dogs won't wake you up at night to ask: "If I died, would you get another dog?"

10. If a dog has babies, you can put an ad in the paper and sell 'em.

11. When you drop a silent one, dogs don't run around frantically with room spray.

13. Dogs never tell you to stop scratching your balls. Instead, they sit pondering why you don't lick 'em.

15. If a dog smells another dog on you, it won't kick you in the crotch; it just finds it interesting.

And last, but not least:

. If a dog runs off and leaves you, it won't take half your stuff.

To verify these statements:

Lock your wife and your dog in the garage for an hour.

Then open the door, and observe who's happy to see you!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What do gay horses eat?

Hayyehhh

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By *parklySassWoman
over a year ago

Sassville

"Wedding night. She is a virgin, he is a virgin. They are lying in bed but do not know how to start. He is calling his father. - Strip naked and lie next to her - he hears the advice. Yes he does. Not knowing what that means, she gets up and calls her mother. - Undress completely naked and lie next to him - he hears the advice. Young does so. The young man gets up again and calls his father. "Now put the hardest part of your body where she pisses," advises his father. In a moment, the bride calls her mother saying: - Mom, what do I do, he just put his head in the toilet?"

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Sixteen Logical Reasons Why Some Men Have Dogs And Not Wives:

1. The later you are, the more excited your dog is to see you.

2. Dogs don't notice if you call them by another dog's name.

3. Dogs like it if you leave lots of things on the floor.

4. Dogs' parents never visit.

5. Dogs agree that you have to raise your voice to get your point across.

6. You never have to wait for a dog; they're ready to go, instantly, 24 hours a day.

7. Dogs find you amusing when you're pissed.

8. Dogs like to go hunting and fishing.

9. Dogs won't wake you up at night to ask: "If I died, would you get another dog?"

10. If a dog has babies, you can put an ad in the paper and sell 'em.

11. When you drop a silent one, dogs don't run around frantically with room spray.

13. Dogs never tell you to stop scratching your balls. Instead, they sit pondering why you don't lick 'em.

15. If a dog smells another dog on you, it won't kick you in the crotch; it just finds it interesting.

And last, but not least:

. If a dog runs off and leaves you, it won't take half your stuff.

To verify these statements:

Lock your wife and your dog in the garage for an hour.

Then open the door, and observe who's happy to see you!"

Hahaha how many dogs do you have?

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By *og-ManMan
over a year ago

somewhere

Only one left...when she dies a few more rescues will be picked out

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By *issme39Woman
over a year ago

kildare

"The young lady is walking on the beach.

Suddenly she saw an old bottle. She picked it up, wiped it off the dirt, and here a ghost pops out.

The young lady asks:

-Will I have three wishes?

Brownie:

-No, I'm sorry but I am a ghost that fulfills only one wish, Miss without hesitation:

Duszek looked at the map and says:

That's my wish.

The ghost sighed deeply and said:

-Show me that damn map, please!

Brillant!!

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By *issme39Woman
over a year ago

kildare

"The guy had a problem with premature ejaculation so he went to the doctor. He asked what to do so that there would be no problem. The doctor advised him:

- When you come, try to scare yourself somehow.

- How was it?

The guy said:

- Not very cool. When I fired, my wife pissed on my face in fear, bite off 5 cm of my penis, and a neighbor came out of the closet with his hands up ...

That one makes me crying and laughing nonstop"

Dead!!!

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By *iscuits8Man
over a year ago

Meath / Dublin / Birmingham

Two Gardaí called to my door last night with a photo of a missing man.. "we're looking for this man, he's a Jehovah's Witness who lost both arms in an accident."

I said "I haven't seen him, but his face rings a bell..."

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

- Mark, how's your wedding night?

- Man ... riding to the max. Once Agnes down, then up again! From the back, to the side. Legs on epaulets, hands hanging. Man, the Kamasutra is a myth!

- Hehehe, then who was the first to say: "Enough, I can't anymore!"

- The neighbor from behind the wall!

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By *ohnsmithMan
over a year ago

South Tipperary

All very good....

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By *heeky_BudgieMan
over a year ago

Belfast

I fancied listening to some music by Prince.

But I didn’t own any of his CDs. Due to lockdown, and not having Amazon Prime, the nearest store to me that sold CDs was Asda.

FORTY QUID it cost me for his greatest hits album.

BUT, when I got home, I partied like it was 19.99.

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