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Perception of self

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By *eaAndBen OP   Couple
over a year ago

Dublin

How do you perceive yourself? Personally I still feel like I’m in my 20s and am regularly rudely awoken by the reality of my age when I catch sight of myself!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Oh that's a good question.

I think I look ok. During covid I've let myself go so need to get back running.

I'm confident enough in my looks, but I'm no Orlando Bloom. Im a big joker , smile a lot but hate my smile lol!

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By *eaAndBen OP   Couple
over a year ago

Dublin


"Im a big joker , smile a lot but hate my smile lol!

"

I have yet to see a smile that isn’t lovely!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I love this question. It's always been something that really interests me. I've always felt like I'm 2 separate people at the same time and that causes a lot of internal conflict.

On the one hand I'm a single parent, self employed, dedicated carer to my Granny, a good daughter, a raging Feminist and someone who takes life quite seriously.

On the other I'm a brat. I just wanna fuck shit up and mess with people and challenge authority and play and laugh and be silly and have wrestling matches and tickle and be a kid myself.

It's really been a massive learning curve trying to find a balance. And I am nowhere near finished learning.

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By *eaAndBen OP   Couple
over a year ago

Dublin

I imagine we all have different sides to ourselves... perhaps that’s why we’re here! I saw another thread recently about people’s professions... it seems most people like to split out different parts of theIt lives/personalities depending on the situation and share different elements of themselves. Maybe it gives comfort or security.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's a strange one, I always feel like I look younger than my age and I do get away with it.

I've met a few people recently who I went to school with, before realising who they were in the moment i put them down as older looking.

I'm sure they were thinking the same about me

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm a happy camper, for the most part, but know I beat myself up mentally and that can impact my perception of myself.

Undeniably introvert I must say; I'm happy in my own company and would suffer from anxiety in certain situations. Understandably then, socially, I know I can come across quite shy in person at first even if I'm making a conscious effort not to be!

However, professionally, with my job I know I have to be the exact opposite and I don't often struggle with that to be honest; I think the dynamic of those social interactions plays a large part.

I know that socially, being the way I am, I've held myself back from enjoying and experiencing things so I'm slowly putting myself out there more and more. I constantly overthink even the smallest interaction I have with someone out of a fear it came across/transpired in a bad way and replay it over and over in my head! So, again, I know I can perceive myself in a fairly negative manner but it's a learning curve!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A teacher once told me in school that when a person walks down the street it's really 3 people

..the person you think you are

..the person others think you are ..the person you really are .

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By *ealitybitesMan
over a year ago

Belfast

For 49 years I perceived myself as a loyal friend who always put others first. I was never ambitious and as a result I worked for the same company for 34 years. I was also mostly invisible as a result of my own self perception and a crippling lack of self belief. Just before turning 50 a number of things happened to change that perception.

Since then I am still that same loyal friend but when I weigh up certain decisions I include myself in the decision making process.

I am much more confident about my physical appearance so now I am only invisible when I want to be.

95% of my sexual exploration and experience has been in the last 6 years so where that is concerned I perceive myself as living the teenage years I never had with the confidence and wisdom of a 55 year old.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Well,I have arthritis to remind me of my age before I even get out of bed. I'm happy in myself, no great beauty but looks are largely irrelevant the older you get, keeping yourself healthy in mind and body is the key. I suffered from social anxiety and low self-esteem when younger, I'm an introvert in a world where it's regarded as a flaw to be so, but I no longer care.

I have come through enormous challenges in the last decade which have given me great resilience. I know my own worth and don't feel the need to prove it to anyone else.

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By *ed_AliceWoman
over a year ago

Belfast

I have to stop & think about it anytime I'm asked my age, because in my head I'm still in my late 20s, early 30s. The snap, crackle & pop from all my joints first thing in the morning often remind me that I'm not though

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By *ilthyNightsCouple
over a year ago

East / North, Cork

First and foremost we perceive ourselves as mum and dad. Thats our primary job. That's the reason we get up in the morning, and the reason we each run businesses, and strive for success. It's to provide a happy home for our family. Swinging is way way down the priority list. Somewhere after cleaning out the chicken coop and finishing the umbrella academy on Netflix.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

One word.. Awesome

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By *ontbesillywrapyourwillyMan
over a year ago

Tipperary

You're only as young as you feel as the saying goes.

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By *eaAndBen OP   Couple
over a year ago

Dublin


"First and foremost we perceive ourselves as mum and dad. Thats our primary job. That's the reason we get up in the morning, and the reason we each run businesses, and strive for success. It's to provide a happy home for our family. Swinging is way way down the priority list. Somewhere after cleaning out the chicken coop and finishing the umbrella academy on Netflix. "

Is that not more a reality versus a perception?

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By *ilthyNightsCouple
over a year ago

East / North, Cork


"First and foremost we perceive ourselves as mum and dad. Thats our primary job. That's the reason we get up in the morning, and the reason we each run businesses, and strive for success. It's to provide a happy home for our family. Swinging is way way down the priority list. Somewhere after cleaning out the chicken coop and finishing the umbrella academy on Netflix.

Is that not more a reality versus a perception? "

I guess it's both. Some folks might consider their percieved role to be that of an artist, or a surfer, or a businessperson, or indeed a swinger. We have both always wanted first and foremost to be parents and to have a big house filled with kids. It's been a goal and a focus since we were kids ourselves. I think it's from us both having been adopted ourselves.. but that's for another thread.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"First and foremost we perceive ourselves as mum and dad. Thats our primary job. That's the reason we get up in the morning, and the reason we each run businesses, and strive for success. It's to provide a happy home for our family. Swinging is way way down the priority list. Somewhere after cleaning out the chicken coop and finishing the umbrella academy on Netflix.

Is that not more a reality versus a perception?

I guess it's both. Some folks might consider their percieved role to be that of an artist, or a surfer, or a businessperson, or indeed a swinger. We have both always wanted first and foremost to be parents and to have a big house filled with kids. It's been a goal and a focus since we were kids ourselves. I think it's from us both having been adopted ourselves.. but that's for another thread."

I know this might be a controversial one, on account of a woman's sole purpose being reproduction an all, but my role as a parent very much feels like my least true self. I never wanted kids. I'm not remotely maternal. I don't actually like kids at all, except for my own who I like very much. But being a parent is something I almost feel I have to force on myself everyday and even 10 years later, it doesn't feel like a natural part of me at all.

So maybe in my case, the brat is the reality and the single parent is the perception.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

I know this might be a controversial one, on account of a woman's sole purpose being reproduction an all, but my role as a parent very much feels like my least true self. I never wanted kids. I'm not remotely maternal. I don't actually like kids at all, except for my own who I like very much. But being a parent is something I almost feel I have to force on myself everyday and even 10 years later, it doesn't feel like a natural part of me at all.

"

That's exactly how I find parenting also, funny thing is, turned out I was pretty good at it. I think for an introvert like me, parenting is bound to be difficult, not only are you forced to spend your entire waking hours interacting with needy little creatures, but you are also catapulted into a whole range of social interaction on their behalf that you would prefer to avoid. It's incredibly draining.

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By *ilthyNightsCouple
over a year ago

East / North, Cork

I don't think that's so controversial as it is incredibly honest S. If you see yourself as the brat then thats what you are. Plenty of people have parenthood thrust upon them rather than have it as any kind of life-aim for themselves. Kids tend to shape your future, just as you shape theirs.

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By *ardyboy54321Man
over a year ago

Fermanagh

I do look at myself in the mirror and go "oh yea!!!"

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By *ilthyNightsCouple
over a year ago

East / North, Cork


"

I know this might be a controversial one, on account of a woman's sole purpose being reproduction an all, but my role as a parent very much feels like my least true self. I never wanted kids. I'm not remotely maternal. I don't actually like kids at all, except for my own who I like very much. But being a parent is something I almost feel I have to force on myself everyday and even 10 years later, it doesn't feel like a natural part of me at all.

That's exactly how I find parenting also, funny thing is, turned out I was pretty good at it. I think for an introvert like me, parenting is bound to be difficult, not only are you forced to spend your entire waking hours interacting with needy little creatures, but you are also catapulted into a whole range of social interaction on their behalf that you would prefer to avoid. It's incredibly draining."

Oh I hate all that fucking nicey-nicey school dropoff chit-chat fake crap. I just dont do it. They probably think I'm rude.. and they may be right

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

I know this might be a controversial one, on account of a woman's sole purpose being reproduction an all, but my role as a parent very much feels like my least true self. I never wanted kids. I'm not remotely maternal. I don't actually like kids at all, except for my own who I like very much. But being a parent is something I almost feel I have to force on myself everyday and even 10 years later, it doesn't feel like a natural part of me at all.

That's exactly how I find parenting also, funny thing is, turned out I was pretty good at it. I think for an introvert like me, parenting is bound to be difficult, not only are you forced to spend your entire waking hours interacting with needy little creatures, but you are also catapulted into a whole range of social interaction on their behalf that you would prefer to avoid. It's incredibly draining."

I agree. There's nothing that stresses me out more than having to deal with her school or her parents friends. I'm 20 years younger than them to start, and I don't give a shit about the things they give a shit about. I very much feel like an imposter trying to fit in. Which is exhausting.

I'm not an introvert, but as an only child I find too much interaction with other people absolutely draining. Being with my kid 24/7 for the 6 months without school has no question been the hardest part of the pandemic for me. I reaaaaally struggled with it. And I don't think people talk about that enough. I resent being made to feel guilty for needing a break and ultimately, it's in her interest as much as mine because when I'm drained I can be as good a parent.

Glad it's not just me who feels this way!

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By *eaAndBen OP   Couple
over a year ago

Dublin

Some really thought provoking posts on this so thank you. I suppose I had meant this a bit of frivolity but the reality is we probably all spend time thinking about who we are, how we perceive ourselves and how others perceive us. I actually did something like before in a work context and it’s very interesting to hear what others think of you... it can be very different to how you think they perceive you and how you perceive yourself!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I don't think that's so controversial as it is incredibly honest S. If you see yourself as the brat then thats what you are. Plenty of people have parenthood thrust upon them rather than have it as any kind of life-aim for themselves. Kids tend to shape your future, just as you shape theirs. "

Thank you! Of course it goes without saying that I have no regrets. But I was just a teenager. I had no idea. And I still don't. I still don't really feel like a Mammy. She's my little buddy. But daughter... Mine? Wtf?

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By *ilthyNightsCouple
over a year ago

East / North, Cork


"

I know this might be a controversial one, on account of a woman's sole purpose being reproduction an all, but my role as a parent very much feels like my least true self. I never wanted kids. I'm not remotely maternal. I don't actually like kids at all, except for my own who I like very much. But being a parent is something I almost feel I have to force on myself everyday and even 10 years later, it doesn't feel like a natural part of me at all.

That's exactly how I find parenting also, funny thing is, turned out I was pretty good at it. I think for an introvert like me, parenting is bound to be difficult, not only are you forced to spend your entire waking hours interacting with needy little creatures, but you are also catapulted into a whole range of social interaction on their behalf that you would prefer to avoid. It's incredibly draining.

I agree. There's nothing that stresses me out more than having to deal with her school or her parents friends. I'm 20 years younger than them to start, and I don't give a shit about the things they give a shit about. I very much feel like an imposter trying to fit in. Which is exhausting.

I'm not an introvert, but as an only child I find too much interaction with other people absolutely draining. Being with my kid 24/7 for the 6 months without school has no question been the hardest part of the pandemic for me. I reaaaaally struggled with it. And I don't think people talk about that enough. I resent being made to feel guilty for needing a break and ultimately, it's in her interest as much as mine because when I'm drained I can be as good a parent.

Glad it's not just me who feels this way! "

We have a little one who is just 1. He's almost entirely missed out on the parent group thing that MrsF did with the others, and the support that both her and the baby get from such things. Being home with 2 under 2 in lockdown is no joke for anyone.

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By *ustBoWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in Co. Down

I think I'm definitely more an introvert than an outgoing personality especially in a social environment with lots of people I don't know.

I would like to think that I treat people fairly and I have a few really good friends who I trust completely.Others are more just people I know and chat to.

As I've gotten older I have a lot less tolerance for people who live for drama and shit stirring and I no longer put up with it. Years ago I use to and allowed people to knock my confidence a lot which many years later is only slowly coming back. But I've learnt that people tend to mistake quietness as meekness and think I can be pushed about . They usually learn that is not the way anymore pretty quickly now.

All in all I'm just me.I may not have the best body or looks but as I get older that isn't as big a deal as when you are younger. Mind you I wish I still had the body I had in my 20s.

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By *antra MassageMan
over a year ago

South Side.

As I get older I still believe I'm in my 30's. I've led quite a Conservative sheltered life, so I now have the courage to project myself more, and im no longer the shy introvert I used to be in my teens and 20's. I've done a lot of personal development, and continue to do so. My journey is an adventure, discovering new aspects of myself, and shedding parts that no longer serve me. Nowadays, I'm confident, and relaxed with people, love sensuality, intimacy,.. There was a time when I couldn't even hold a womans hand, but I'd shrink with embarrassment. So, who am I?... It probably depends on the observer.. Id love to know what people see.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Deep for a Friday

In my head im 17, still running wild and behaving like i have no responsibilities at all. I regularly have to catch myself on and remember im a mother and its not just about me.

I perceive myself as fumbly, awkward and strange.. But apparently that's not how others see me.

Im not sure that answers lol

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By *eaAndBen OP   Couple
over a year ago

Dublin

I’m not sure how others perceive me... Probably as confident and in control whereas I feel I’m constantly paddling and fumbling with zero grace and oddles of social anxiety.

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By *ubeMan
over a year ago

Drogheda

Ok I gave this some taught now, I'm at that age now that a dont care, I'm happy just being me, in my old job I worked with a small group of lads, we are all still great friends, but have gone our separate ways, but when we meet up once or twice a year, we turn into the young no fear bunch of lunatics we once where, but when I'm alone I'm happy just being alone with no one to answer to, age to me is just a number nothing else. Yes there are times I would like to have people around but I'm really a quiet shy man, that keeps himself to himself, and only my few really close friends know anything about me, but that's just how I like it.

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By *og-ManMan
over a year ago

somewhere

4 times I've started to write and deleted and gave up..some thread OP

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By *etmebeurfantasyWoman
over a year ago

My town

I'm probably at peace with myself now... whatever happened in my life good or bad at the time I made the right decision.

I used to beat myself up being a single parent to my oldest kids and probably felt I let them down... but now i know I've done my best with my kids and no matter what anyone's else thinks I know they have made me the person I am today... and I'm proud of that

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By *eaAndBen OP   Couple
over a year ago

Dublin


"4 times I've started to write and deleted and gave up..some thread OP"

Sorry it went a little deeper than I expected tbh x

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By *ofusplusCouple
over a year ago

Limerick

Happier the older I get, tg

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Some really thought provoking posts on this so thank you. I suppose I had meant this a bit of frivolity but the reality is we probably all spend time thinking about who we are, how we perceive ourselves and how others perceive us. I actually did something like before in a work context and it’s very interesting to hear what others think of you... it can be very different to how you think they perceive you and how you perceive yourself!

"

Like l said in an earlier reply to here ..you = 3 different people ..

the one you think you are

..the one others think you are

.the one you really are ..

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By *etergemmaCouple
over a year ago

South Dublin Area


"First and foremost we perceive ourselves as mum and dad. Thats our primary job. That's the reason we get up in the morning, and the reason we each run businesses, and strive for success. It's to provide a happy home for our family. Swinging is way way down the priority list. Somewhere after cleaning out the chicken coop and finishing the umbrella academy on Netflix.

Is that not more a reality versus a perception?

I guess it's both. Some folks might consider their percieved role to be that of an artist, or a surfer, or a businessperson, or indeed a swinger. We have both always wanted first and foremost to be parents and to have a big house filled with kids. It's been a goal and a focus since we were kids ourselves. I think it's from us both having been adopted ourselves.. but that's for another thread.

I know this might be a controversial one, on account of a woman's sole purpose being reproduction an all, but my role as a parent very much feels like my least true self. I never wanted kids. I'm not remotely maternal. I don't actually like kids at all, except for my own who I like very much. But being a parent is something I almost feel I have to force on myself everyday and even 10 years later, it doesn't feel like a natural part of me at all.

So maybe in my case, the brat is the reality and the single parent is the perception. "
i love this, i hate the stigma that goes with women who dont want children.

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By *ealitybitesMan
over a year ago

Belfast


"First and foremost we perceive ourselves as mum and dad. Thats our primary job. That's the reason we get up in the morning, and the reason we each run businesses, and strive for success. It's to provide a happy home for our family. Swinging is way way down the priority list. Somewhere after cleaning out the chicken coop and finishing the umbrella academy on Netflix.

Is that not more a reality versus a perception?

I guess it's both. Some folks might consider their percieved role to be that of an artist, or a surfer, or a businessperson, or indeed a swinger. We have both always wanted first and foremost to be parents and to have a big house filled with kids. It's been a goal and a focus since we were kids ourselves. I think it's from us both having been adopted ourselves.. but that's for another thread.

I know this might be a controversial one, on account of a woman's sole purpose being reproduction an all, but my role as a parent very much feels like my least true self. I never wanted kids. I'm not remotely maternal. I don't actually like kids at all, except for my own who I like very much. But being a parent is something I almost feel I have to force on myself everyday and even 10 years later, it doesn't feel like a natural part of me at all.

So maybe in my case, the brat is the reality and the single parent is the perception. i love this, i hate the stigma that goes with women who dont want children."

There's a bigger stigma attached to any parent who has a child and then persists in telling everyone what a little shit they are and how they have ruined their social life.

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By *eaAndBen OP   Couple
over a year ago

Dublin


"

There's a bigger stigma attached to any parent who has a child and then persists in telling everyone what a little shit they are and how they have ruined their social life. "

Does anyone really say that (other than in jest perhaps)?

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By *ealitybitesMan
over a year ago

Belfast


"

There's a bigger stigma attached to any parent who has a child and then persists in telling everyone what a little shit they are and how they have ruined their social life.

Does anyone really say that (other than in jest perhaps)?"

I've heard it said numerous times. Sometimes in jest, often not but quite often in front of the child so jest or not it's a shitty thing to do.

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By *ustBoWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in Co. Down


"

There's a bigger stigma attached to any parent who has a child and then persists in telling everyone what a little shit they are and how they have ruined their social life.

Does anyone really say that (other than in jest perhaps)?"

I've heard it quite a few times and quite often not in jest. And I think it's a disgraceful thing to say to anyone and especially blaming a child who is not anyway at fault and making them feel guilty for even existing.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We were told to try for children after I'd a car crash and needed to have surgery to remove a tube and scar tissue and adhesions and other damage. So it was a decision not made on us being ready or having talked about it. She's the best thing we've ever done. She is the brightest thing in my day when she's behaving lol! She and her needs come first. Then Jay then work and everything else. I try to be helpful and kind to all I meet, I tend to look after ppl without meaning to. I'm good in an emergency as I keep cool. Other than that I've no idea who I am. A big ball of conflicting emotions????

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 24/10/20 12:24:34]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Spelling mistake!

My one piece of wisdom that I've learned.... You can judge someone's character by how they treat those that rely on them for care etc..... A child or a pet... Nothing like a noisy excited kid to bring out the arsehole in some ppl

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's an interesting questions, herself is herself all the time, funny, chatting, sexy, careing and amazing but himself can be different people, there the loving careing partner at home, the stern professional at work, the entertaining chatterbox when out with friend and the showman when at clubs or party's, each side fills an expection that he feels people have of him in a given situation but they get mixed up from outside, such as people looking at our pics thinking we are all pain and bossyness when that's not part of us or when at a club or party people assuming he is working there and not just another party goer

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By *ustBoWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in Co. Down


"Spelling mistake!

My one piece of wisdom that I've learned.... You can judge someone's character by how they treat those that rely on them for care etc..... A child or a pet... Nothing like a noisy excited kid to bring out the arsehole in some ppl"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Spelling mistake!

My one piece of wisdom that I've learned.... You can judge someone's character by how they treat those that rely on them for care etc..... A child or a pet... Nothing like a noisy excited kid to bring out the arsehole in some ppl"

Or a vulnerable person of any kind really, be that an elderly parent, a partner who has put their trust in them, someone they perceive to be of a lower social status....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"First and foremost we perceive ourselves as mum and dad. Thats our primary job. That's the reason we get up in the morning, and the reason we each run businesses, and strive for success. It's to provide a happy home for our family. Swinging is way way down the priority list. Somewhere after cleaning out the chicken coop and finishing the umbrella academy on Netflix.

Is that not more a reality versus a perception?

I guess it's both. Some folks might consider their percieved role to be that of an artist, or a surfer, or a businessperson, or indeed a swinger. We have both always wanted first and foremost to be parents and to have a big house filled with kids. It's been a goal and a focus since we were kids ourselves. I think it's from us both having been adopted ourselves.. but that's for another thread.

I know this might be a controversial one, on account of a woman's sole purpose being reproduction an all, but my role as a parent very much feels like my least true self. I never wanted kids. I'm not remotely maternal. I don't actually like kids at all, except for my own who I like very much. But being a parent is something I almost feel I have to force on myself everyday and even 10 years later, it doesn't feel like a natural part of me at all.

So maybe in my case, the brat is the reality and the single parent is the perception. i love this, i hate the stigma that goes with women who dont want children.

There's a bigger stigma attached to any parent who has a child and then persists in telling everyone what a little shit they are and how they have ruined their social life. "

Personally I feel that I have the right to unload to my close friends and family when I'm really struggling with parenting. And I always encourage them to unload on to me when they need it.

I think it's faaaaaaar more damaging to expect parents to be constantly skipping around saying, "OH SHE IS THE LIGHT OF MY LIFE, MY WHOLE WORLD, THE AIR THAT I BREATH, MY REASON FOR LIVING, THE ONLY THING THAT MATTERS TO ME".

Calling a struggling parent "disgraceful" for being honest about how parenting is affecting their mental health is incredibly closed minded, unfair and judgemental imo.

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By *ealitybitesMan
over a year ago

Belfast


"First and foremost we perceive ourselves as mum and dad. Thats our primary job. That's the reason we get up in the morning, and the reason we each run businesses, and strive for success. It's to provide a happy home for our family. Swinging is way way down the priority list. Somewhere after cleaning out the chicken coop and finishing the umbrella academy on Netflix.

Is that not more a reality versus a perception?

I guess it's both. Some folks might consider their percieved role to be that of an artist, or a surfer, or a businessperson, or indeed a swinger. We have both always wanted first and foremost to be parents and to have a big house filled with kids. It's been a goal and a focus since we were kids ourselves. I think it's from us both having been adopted ourselves.. but that's for another thread.

I know this might be a controversial one, on account of a woman's sole purpose being reproduction an all, but my role as a parent very much feels like my least true self. I never wanted kids. I'm not remotely maternal. I don't actually like kids at all, except for my own who I like very much. But being a parent is something I almost feel I have to force on myself everyday and even 10 years later, it doesn't feel like a natural part of me at all.

So maybe in my case, the brat is the reality and the single parent is the perception. i love this, i hate the stigma that goes with women who dont want children.

There's a bigger stigma attached to any parent who has a child and then persists in telling everyone what a little shit they are and how they have ruined their social life.

Personally I feel that I have the right to unload to my close friends and family when I'm really struggling with parenting. And I always encourage them to unload on to me when they need it.

I think it's faaaaaaar more damaging to expect parents to be constantly skipping around saying, "OH SHE IS THE LIGHT OF MY LIFE, MY WHOLE WORLD, THE AIR THAT I BREATH, MY REASON FOR LIVING, THE ONLY THING THAT MATTERS TO ME".

Calling a struggling parent "disgraceful" for being honest about how parenting is affecting their mental health is incredibly closed minded, unfair and judgemental imo."

I'm not talking about someone who is struggling. I'm talking about the people who prioritise their social life above and beyond everything else including their dependents and especially their kids.

I have witnessed mothers telling their children that they are whiney little shites for daring to ask why they are being left with a childminder or grandparent every Friday or Saturday night.

I've been in the company of a relative of a friend who at that time was the mother of 15 year old twins, a boy and girl.

She went to nightclubs in Liverpool every single week and tarted her daughter up and took her to the clubs with her. She left her son at home alone because she couldn't make him look older to gain admission.

I've seen parents screaming at their kids in public that they are the biggest mistake they've ever made.

All of the above are a disgrace and while it's all fine and well being honest and offloading if you are struggling, don't blame the kids. They didn't have a choice.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Would perceive myself as someone growing and bettering oneself as I get older.

Spent my teenage years and 20s as a very timid, internal thinking person with no sense of true self.

Trying in vain to project a false image of confidence and self assurance.

Thankfully going through various life events has caused me to look more inward and discover who I truly am and what I want from this life, I've gone from a depressed 110kg 26 year old to a 75/80kg 31 one year old who still gets depressed but has much better coping mechanisms and habits and aim to consistently learn and grow as the years go on.

Also subscribe to Carl Jung's ideas if the Ego, I.D and shadow self.

Sorry for the ramble but I do enjoy these deep topics.

Excellent thread and great post O.P

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By *ustBoWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in Co. Down


"First and foremost we perceive ourselves as mum and dad. Thats our primary job. That's the reason we get up in the morning, and the reason we each run businesses, and strive for success. It's to provide a happy home for our family. Swinging is way way down the priority list. Somewhere after cleaning out the chicken coop and finishing the umbrella academy on Netflix.

Is that not more a reality versus a perception?

I guess it's both. Some folks might consider their percieved role to be that of an artist, or a surfer, or a businessperson, or indeed a swinger. We have both always wanted first and foremost to be parents and to have a big house filled with kids. It's been a goal and a focus since we were kids ourselves. I think it's from us both having been adopted ourselves.. but that's for another thread.

I know this might be a controversial one, on account of a woman's sole purpose being reproduction an all, but my role as a parent very much feels like my least true self. I never wanted kids. I'm not remotely maternal. I don't actually like kids at all, except for my own who I like very much. But being a parent is something I almost feel I have to force on myself everyday and even 10 years later, it doesn't feel like a natural part of me at all.

So maybe in my case, the brat is the reality and the single parent is the perception. i love this, i hate the stigma that goes with women who dont want children.

There's a bigger stigma attached to any parent who has a child and then persists in telling everyone what a little shit they are and how they have ruined their social life.

Personally I feel that I have the right to unload to my close friends and family when I'm really struggling with parenting. And I always encourage them to unload on to me when they need it.

I think it's faaaaaaar more damaging to expect parents to be constantly skipping around saying, "OH SHE IS THE LIGHT OF MY LIFE, MY WHOLE WORLD, THE AIR THAT I BREATH, MY REASON FOR LIVING, THE ONLY THING THAT MATTERS TO ME".

Calling a struggling parent "disgraceful" for being honest about how parenting is affecting their mental health is incredibly closed minded, unfair and judgemental imo."

I was the one who made the disgraceful comment actually and I stand by it. Any parent who constantly tells their children that they ruined their life bt being born is a disgrace.

I'm not talking about people who struggle at times everyone does and everyone needs a break. Mo ome expects anyone to singbtheir kids praises all the time. I'm talking about parents who should never have been parents. Who don't have a paternal bone in their body and who constantly blame everyone else for their life.

And yes any parent who constantly does tell other people on front of the children or directly to their child that they wish they had never had them and when asked sure you'd miss them if they weren't here and the reply is along the lines of well you can't miss what you don't have or No they ruined my life.

How do I know its shit it happened to me throughout my childhood. People think children will forget they don't. I never have but funny how my mother now denys it all.

So I completely stand by my disgraceful comment.

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By *rmrs1234Couple
over a year ago

Waterford


"First and foremost we perceive ourselves as mum and dad. Thats our primary job. That's the reason we get up in the morning, and the reason we each run businesses, and strive for success. It's to provide a happy home for our family. Swinging is way way down the priority list. Somewhere after cleaning out the chicken coop and finishing the umbrella academy on Netflix.

Is that not more a reality versus a perception?

I guess it's both. Some folks might consider their percieved role to be that of an artist, or a surfer, or a businessperson, or indeed a swinger. We have both always wanted first and foremost to be parents and to have a big house filled with kids. It's been a goal and a focus since we were kids ourselves. I think it's from us both having been adopted ourselves.. but that's for another thread.

I know this might be a controversial one, on account of a woman's sole purpose being reproduction an all, but my role as a parent very much feels like my least true self. I never wanted kids. I'm not remotely maternal. I don't actually like kids at all, except for my own who I like very much. But being a parent is something I almost feel I have to force on myself everyday and even 10 years later, it doesn't feel like a natural part of me at all.

So maybe in my case, the brat is the reality and the single parent is the perception. i love this, i hate the stigma that goes with women who dont want children.

There's a bigger stigma attached to any parent who has a child and then persists in telling everyone what a little shit they are and how they have ruined their social life.

Personally I feel that I have the right to unload to my close friends and family when I'm really struggling with parenting. And I always encourage them to unload on to me when they need it.

I think it's faaaaaaar more damaging to expect parents to be constantly skipping around saying, "OH SHE IS THE LIGHT OF MY LIFE, MY WHOLE WORLD, THE AIR THAT I BREATH, MY REASON FOR LIVING, THE ONLY THING THAT MATTERS TO ME".

Calling a struggling parent "disgraceful" for being honest about how parenting is affecting their mental health is incredibly closed minded, unfair and judgemental imo.

I was the one who made the disgraceful comment actually and I stand by it. Any parent who constantly tells their children that they ruined their life bt being born is a disgrace.

I'm not talking about people who struggle at times everyone does and everyone needs a break. Mo ome expects anyone to singbtheir kids praises all the time. I'm talking about parents who should never have been parents. Who don't have a paternal bone in their body and who constantly blame everyone else for their life.

And yes any parent who constantly does tell other people on front of the children or directly to their child that they wish they had never had them and when asked sure you'd miss them if they weren't here and the reply is along the lines of well you can't miss what you don't have or No they ruined my life.

How do I know its shit it happened to me throughout my childhood. People think children will forget they don't. I never have but funny how my mother now denys it all.

So I completely stand by my disgraceful comment. "

your mum sounds like mine and funny enough she denies it too.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"First and foremost we perceive ourselves as mum and dad. Thats our primary job. That's the reason we get up in the morning, and the reason we each run businesses, and strive for success. It's to provide a happy home for our family. Swinging is way way down the priority list. Somewhere after cleaning out the chicken coop and finishing the umbrella academy on Netflix.

Is that not more a reality versus a perception?

I guess it's both. Some folks might consider their percieved role to be that of an artist, or a surfer, or a businessperson, or indeed a swinger. We have both always wanted first and foremost to be parents and to have a big house filled with kids. It's been a goal and a focus since we were kids ourselves. I think it's from us both having been adopted ourselves.. but that's for another thread.

I know this might be a controversial one, on account of a woman's sole purpose being reproduction an all, but my role as a parent very much feels like my least true self. I never wanted kids. I'm not remotely maternal. I don't actually like kids at all, except for my own who I like very much. But being a parent is something I almost feel I have to force on myself everyday and even 10 years later, it doesn't feel like a natural part of me at all.

So maybe in my case, the brat is the reality and the single parent is the perception. i love this, i hate the stigma that goes with women who dont want children.

There's a bigger stigma attached to any parent who has a child and then persists in telling everyone what a little shit they are and how they have ruined their social life.

Personally I feel that I have the right to unload to my close friends and family when I'm really struggling with parenting. And I always encourage them to unload on to me when they need it.

I think it's faaaaaaar more damaging to expect parents to be constantly skipping around saying, "OH SHE IS THE LIGHT OF MY LIFE, MY WHOLE WORLD, THE AIR THAT I BREATH, MY REASON FOR LIVING, THE ONLY THING THAT MATTERS TO ME".

Calling a struggling parent "disgraceful" for being honest about how parenting is affecting their mental health is incredibly closed minded, unfair and judgemental imo.

I was the one who made the disgraceful comment actually and I stand by it. Any parent who constantly tells their children that they ruined their life bt being born is a disgrace.

I'm not talking about people who struggle at times everyone does and everyone needs a break. Mo ome expects anyone to singbtheir kids praises all the time. I'm talking about parents who should never have been parents. Who don't have a paternal bone in their body and who constantly blame everyone else for their life.

And yes any parent who constantly does tell other people on front of the children or directly to their child that they wish they had never had them and when asked sure you'd miss them if they weren't here and the reply is along the lines of well you can't miss what you don't have or No they ruined my life.

How do I know its shit it happened to me throughout my childhood. People think children will forget they don't. I never have but funny how my mother now denys it all.

So I completely stand by my disgraceful comment.

your mum sounds like mine and funny enough she denies it too. "

Sounds like alot of them unfortunately. Reminds me of this:

Narcissist's Prayer

That didn't happen.

And if it did, it wasn't that bad.

And if it was, that's not a big deal.

And if it is, it is not my fault.

And if it was, I didn't mean it.

And if I did, You deserved it.

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By *ustBoWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in Co. Down


"First and foremost we perceive ourselves as mum and dad. Thats our primary job. That's the reason we get up in the morning, and the reason we each run businesses, and strive for success. It's to provide a happy home for our family. Swinging is way way down the priority list. Somewhere after cleaning out the chicken coop and finishing the umbrella academy on Netflix.

Is that not more a reality versus a perception?

I guess it's both. Some folks might consider their percieved role to be that of an artist, or a surfer, or a businessperson, or indeed a swinger. We have both always wanted first and foremost to be parents and to have a big house filled with kids. It's been a goal and a focus since we were kids ourselves. I think it's from us both having been adopted ourselves.. but that's for another thread.

I know this might be a controversial one, on account of a woman's sole purpose being reproduction an all, but my role as a parent very much feels like my least true self. I never wanted kids. I'm not remotely maternal. I don't actually like kids at all, except for my own who I like very much. But being a parent is something I almost feel I have to force on myself everyday and even 10 years later, it doesn't feel like a natural part of me at all.

So maybe in my case, the brat is the reality and the single parent is the perception. i love this, i hate the stigma that goes with women who dont want children.

There's a bigger stigma attached to any parent who has a child and then persists in telling everyone what a little shit they are and how they have ruined their social life.

Personally I feel that I have the right to unload to my close friends and family when I'm really struggling with parenting. And I always encourage them to unload on to me when they need it.

I think it's faaaaaaar more damaging to expect parents to be constantly skipping around saying, "OH SHE IS THE LIGHT OF MY LIFE, MY WHOLE WORLD, THE AIR THAT I BREATH, MY REASON FOR LIVING, THE ONLY THING THAT MATTERS TO ME".

Calling a struggling parent "disgraceful" for being honest about how parenting is affecting their mental health is incredibly closed minded, unfair and judgemental imo.

I was the one who made the disgraceful comment actually and I stand by it. Any parent who constantly tells their children that they ruined their life bt being born is a disgrace.

I'm not talking about people who struggle at times everyone does and everyone needs a break. Mo ome expects anyone to singbtheir kids praises all the time. I'm talking about parents who should never have been parents. Who don't have a paternal bone in their body and who constantly blame everyone else for their life.

And yes any parent who constantly does tell other people on front of the children or directly to their child that they wish they had never had them and when asked sure you'd miss them if they weren't here and the reply is along the lines of well you can't miss what you don't have or No they ruined my life.

How do I know its shit it happened to me throughout my childhood. People think children will forget they don't. I never have but funny how my mother now denys it all.

So I completely stand by my disgraceful comment.

your mum sounds like mine and funny enough she denies it too. "

Ye they have real selective memories. I think they thought we were kids so we would just forget what they did. It doesn't work that way tho.

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By *rmrs1234Couple
over a year ago

Waterford


"First and foremost we perceive ourselves as mum and dad. Thats our primary job. That's the reason we get up in the morning, and the reason we each run businesses, and strive for success. It's to provide a happy home for our family. Swinging is way way down the priority list. Somewhere after cleaning out the chicken coop and finishing the umbrella academy on Netflix.

Is that not more a reality versus a perception?

I guess it's both. Some folks might consider their percieved role to be that of an artist, or a surfer, or a businessperson, or indeed a swinger. We have both always wanted first and foremost to be parents and to have a big house filled with kids. It's been a goal and a focus since we were kids ourselves. I think it's from us both having been adopted ourselves.. but that's for another thread.

I know this might be a controversial one, on account of a woman's sole purpose being reproduction an all, but my role as a parent very much feels like my least true self. I never wanted kids. I'm not remotely maternal. I don't actually like kids at all, except for my own who I like very much. But being a parent is something I almost feel I have to force on myself everyday and even 10 years later, it doesn't feel like a natural part of me at all.

So maybe in my case, the brat is the reality and the single parent is the perception. i love this, i hate the stigma that goes with women who dont want children.

There's a bigger stigma attached to any parent who has a child and then persists in telling everyone what a little shit they are and how they have ruined their social life.

Personally I feel that I have the right to unload to my close friends and family when I'm really struggling with parenting. And I always encourage them to unload on to me when they need it.

I think it's faaaaaaar more damaging to expect parents to be constantly skipping around saying, "OH SHE IS THE LIGHT OF MY LIFE, MY WHOLE WORLD, THE AIR THAT I BREATH, MY REASON FOR LIVING, THE ONLY THING THAT MATTERS TO ME".

Calling a struggling parent "disgraceful" for being honest about how parenting is affecting their mental health is incredibly closed minded, unfair and judgemental imo.

I was the one who made the disgraceful comment actually and I stand by it. Any parent who constantly tells their children that they ruined their life bt being born is a disgrace.

I'm not talking about people who struggle at times everyone does and everyone needs a break. Mo ome expects anyone to singbtheir kids praises all the time. I'm talking about parents who should never have been parents. Who don't have a paternal bone in their body and who constantly blame everyone else for their life.

And yes any parent who constantly does tell other people on front of the children or directly to their child that they wish they had never had them and when asked sure you'd miss them if they weren't here and the reply is along the lines of well you can't miss what you don't have or No they ruined my life.

How do I know its shit it happened to me throughout my childhood. People think children will forget they don't. I never have but funny how my mother now denys it all.

So I completely stand by my disgraceful comment.

your mum sounds like mine and funny enough she denies it too.

Ye they have real selective memories. I think they thought we were kids so we would just forget what they did. It doesn't work that way tho. "

No definitely not and to this day I still feel the shame and emotion from being told that i had basically ruined her life and made her life hell. Scars a child for life.

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By *ustBoWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in Co. Down


"

No definitely not and to this day I still feel the shame and emotion from being told that i had basically ruined her life and made her life hell. Scars a child for life. "

Ye it is so not right for a child to feel that way and no matter how well behaved you are it's never enough.

But I guess you will never change people..

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