FabSwingers.com forum: BDSM for a novice couple

By *1Cork OP Couple
over a year ago

Cork

From a ‘try anything once’ perspective and out of a long standing curiosity, we have always been interested in the dress and the image we have of BDSM clubs. We’re not hugely into pain but restraint and spanking is something we enjoy occasionally, particularly with other people.

Is it possible to sample the BDSM lifestyle with others out of curiosity and interest or do you have to be fully committed to the cause and sure of your desire? Fully aware that everyone hates a tourist.

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By *rmrspumpCouple
over a year ago

narnia

"From a ‘try anything once’ perspective and out of a long standing curiosity, we have always been interested in the dress and the image we have of BDSM clubs. We’re not hugely into pain but restraint and spanking is something we enjoy occasionally, particularly with other people.

Bdsm is as individual as every person or couple who tries it, it's your journey, you can be as casual or serious about it as you please.. Fab isn't the best place explore though, you should try the FET-ish site

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The bdsm Community loves tourists in our experience. A lot of people drop in and out and back in again. How you would sample it at the moment would be very difficult as many bdsm nights are on hold due to covid. Your best bet would be to join a more Fetish oriented site and get known. Many of the nights are on a vouched for basis. If nimh gets back to running nights we would advise to go there as its open to the public so to speak. Munches are also a great place to start and meet others (many are on a virtual basis for covid reasons again)

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By *1Cork OP Couple
over a year ago

Cork

Thanks for advice. Don’t really have the enthusiasm to join another site, making connections on this one can be energy sapping enough, but very glad to hear Nimhneach is still going, pandemic notwithstanding. We looked into going to Nimhneach years ago (over a decade ago) when we were living in Dublin but balked at the cost of leather dress up gear in a sex shop on Capel St.

Presumably the cost of the rig-outs has tumbled along with our capacity to afford it increasing since our student days.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Thanks for advice. Don’t really have the enthusiasm to join another site, making connections on this one can be energy sapping enough, but very glad to hear Nimhneach is still going, pandemic notwithstanding. We looked into going to Nimhneach years ago (over a decade ago)when we were living in Dublin but balked at the cost of leather dress up gear in a sex shop on Capel St.

Presumably the cost of the rig-outs has tumbled along with our capacity to afford it increasing since our student days."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sorry made a mistake what i meant to say is you can buy fetish gear online can be really cheap

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By *oft_sexy_sweetWoman
over a year ago

Dublin

Anyone who has genuine interest and curiosity isn't a tourist, just a beginner! The Dublin kink scene is very discreet to discourage people who just want to be nosy or think it's weird, but it's very welcoming to those who want to explore kink.

FtL is a great site but more useful when you know other kinksters IRL, as it's more of a FB-style site, with forums, than the dating site style of Fab. You can't really search for profiles and there's less focus on sending people DMs to connect, it's more about exploring the forums (they're called Groups there), having discussions, looking at others' profiles etc.

People are also more open on FtL so you'll see tons of great photography, pics of scenes, toys, rope play etc.

As for getting involved, I'd definitely recommend a munch once they're up and running again - no need for special gear and you'll meet people to chat to with similar interests and lots of info on the scene, who can tell you about all the different events and what might suit you best.

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By *oft_sexy_sweetWoman
over a year ago

Dublin

(also Nimh has a huge and broad dress code - definitely doesn't have to be top to toe leather! For women, lingerie is perfectly acceptable, or for men, a mesh / fishnet top with cargo pants and boots is a great intro outfit!)

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By *1Cork OP Couple
over a year ago

Cork

Really great positive advice. A trip to Nimhneach firmly on the post Covid to do list. We have much more confidence dipping our toes in after the feedback here.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

BDSM is less about pain and more about indidival preference, when we meet someone new to it the first steps is to talk to them and see what it is they want to experience, we live off pleasure and giving other people the experience they want

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By *asterandhissparklesCouple
over a year ago

tipperary

There is no need of full commitment.

There will be events that will allow you to explore different sides of BDSM.

Alternatively, feel free to PM us and we will be able to answer any question you have

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By *asterandhissparklesCouple
over a year ago

tipperary

And I mean events in Cork as there is a Cork Kinky Club that have nights for any type of kink, including BDSM.

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By *oreThanOnceMan
over a year ago

Dublin

Good few people on Fab, into all sorts of kink, thanks God.

Some have it spelled out on their profile, some have it in the verifications they've given or received from others.

Plenty of kinky parties too, maybe less now than before the lockdown.

Now that you've made public your interest, I would say you won't find it hard to find the right people for you.

Kinky sex, is so much better sometimes than vanilla sex.

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By *1Cork OP Couple
over a year ago

Cork

Thanks again for the advice in the comments and messages to everyone. It is firmly on our sexual to do list to visit the club in Dublin or one farther afield when normality resumes. You never know until you go...

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By *yesgreenMan
over a year ago

north and south

"Thanks again for the advice in the comments and messages to everyone. It is firmly on our sexual to do list to visit the club in Dublin or one farther afield when normality resumes. You never know until you go..."
Its about your appetite to try to taste to venture to places you have never been only in your dreams and then some !!!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

As has already been stated by others, BDSM is a whole smorgasbord of activities, and what you do and get involved in is down to personal taste. For complete beginners, it can be daunting and I have known people be put off out of fear of getting it wrong and hurting somebody. There are some great blogs out there that can help to guide you on what may or may not be of interest.

A munch is definitely a good first step, and there are munches in cork (once Covid ends) so that might be a good start. Nimnh is good and as others have said, no need to go over the top with the outfits.

Also, simply chatting to people on here who have similar interests is a good start and can provide you with a wealth of information and guidance.

Good luck with your BDSM journey...it is a fun world to get involved in

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