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If you don't wanna screw married folk then that's your perogative, nobody's gonna beg you.
But no one, and I mean NO ONE, has the right to stand in judgement of anyone else's life or their choices...
You can form an opinion, but like religion and herpes, kindly keep it to yourself. 
Just my two cents.  | |||
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"Lads cheating is cheating. Theres no real defence for it. When it's done it's done. If people don't want to meet married people that's 100% their choice and if they do its 100% their choice. If people don't want to meet attached people they're not judgemental, they just dont agree with it for any reason and if they do then that's fair too. Stop whining because some agree and some dont. Dont expect sympathy from everyone. This isn't aimed at anyone in particular btw." Except... It's ya know... Not. We don't exist in a black and white world and anyone who attempts to paint it in that monochrome sense either has a willful lack of imagination or a serious moral deficiency. Look around the site. Look at the dozens of variations of relationships - swinging, wife swapping, cuckolding, Hotwives, stags and vixens - etc. etc. Having an extra martial sexual partner can't simply be relegated to the notion of "cheating", that sort of pigeon holing is woefully simplistic, and unfortunately when you're dealing with people nothing is ever that clear cut. | |||
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"I'm looking at that thread and laughing my balls off at some of the comments tbh. No judgement from us just won't meet as it leads to drama one way to the other. The ones getting sanctimonious are funny "To be honest I kinda started this thread cause I'm far too lazy to read through the other one! | |||
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"I'm looking at that thread and laughing my balls off at some of the comments tbh. No judgement from us just won't meet as it leads to drama one way to the other. The ones getting sanctimonious are funny
To be honest I kinda started this thread cause I'm far too lazy to read through the other one! "You should. Very funny altogether. | |||
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" You should. Very funny altogether. " Can't. Running low on battery and patience.  | |||
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"Lads cheating is cheating. Theres no real defence for it. When it's done it's done. If people don't want to meet married people that's 100% their choice and if they do its 100% their choice. If people don't want to meet attached people they're not judgemental, they just dont agree with it for any reason and if they do then that's fair too. Stop whining because some agree and some dont. Dont expect sympathy from everyone. This isn't aimed at anyone in particular btw. Except... It's ya know... Not. We don't exist in a black and white world and anyone who attempts to paint it in that monochrome sense either has a willful lack of imagination or a serious moral deficiency. Look around the site. Look at the dozens of variations of relationships - swinging, wife swapping, cuckolding, Hotwives, stags and vixens - etc. etc. Having an extra martial sexual partner can't simply be relegated to the notion of "cheating", that sort of pigeon holing is woefully simplistic, and unfortunately when you're dealing with people nothing is ever that clear cut." If your partner doesn't know you're having sex with other people or doesn't agree to it its cheating. That's just fact but again it doesn't matter to others as it's your relationship. Hotwifing isn't cheating both parties know. Swinging isn't cheating. Having sex without the knowledge or agreement from your partner is. But you dont need to justify. Do as you please. Some wont mind. Some will. Theres no other way around it in my mind but we're free to believe what we want. | |||
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" If your partner doesn't know you're having sex with other people or doesn't agree to it its cheating. That's just fact but again it doesn't matter to others as it's your relationship. Hotwifing isn't cheating both parties know. Swinging isn't cheating. Having sex without the knowledge or agreement from your partner is. But you dont need to justify. Do as you please. Some wont mind. Some will. Theres no other way around it in my mind but we're free to believe what we want. " Ok... So... Let's break this down; Sex with other people. Define that please? And we talking about penetrative sex? Anal? Oral? Or just vaginal? Are we including heavy petting? Masturbation? Kissing? Flirting? The exchange of naked images of one another? Sexting? Watching porn? All of the above acts involve some form of "sexual" interaction with an individual who may not be your partner... So do you agree that engaging in all the above acts, in one form or another comes under your banner of "cheating"? | |||
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"Generally and I say "generally" people who cheat, don't think they are doing wrong, they justify their actions to themselves and if you don't agree you are wrong not them the person that is lying to their partner. And no thread on here or anywhere else will change that. " And what if their actions ARE justified? | |||
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"Lads cheating is cheating. Theres no real defence for it. When it's done it's done. If people don't want to meet married people that's 100% their choice and if they do its 100% their choice. If people don't want to meet attached people they're not judgemental, they just dont agree with it for any reason and if they do then that's fair too. Stop whining because some agree and some dont. Dont expect sympathy from everyone. This isn't aimed at anyone in particular btw. Except... It's ya know... Not. We don't exist in a black and white world and anyone who attempts to paint it in that monochrome sense either has a willful lack of imagination or a serious moral deficiency. Look around the site. Look at the dozens of variations of relationships - swinging, wife swapping, cuckolding, Hotwives, stags and vixens - etc. etc. Having an extra martial sexual partner can't simply be relegated to the notion of "cheating", that sort of pigeon holing is woefully simplistic, and unfortunately when you're dealing with people nothing is ever that clear cut." Being on here and being open and honest with your partner about being on here and who you meet be it together or separate is not cheating, your partner knows what you are doing you are not hiding it. Lying to your partner, meeting people in secret for sex is cheating its very simple really. | |||
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"Generally and I say "generally" people who cheat, don't think they are doing wrong, they justify their actions to themselves and if you don't agree you are wrong not them the person that is lying to their partner. And no thread on here or anywhere else will change that. And what if their actions ARE justified? " I really can't see how someone can justify lying to their partner but I'm sure the cheaters can justify it to themselves! | |||
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" Lying to your partner, meeting people in secret for sex is cheating its very simple really. " No one's denying the terminology of the act - my point is that people often do have VERY justified reasons for infidelity. Happy people don't cheat. | |||
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" If your partner doesn't know you're having sex with other people or doesn't agree to it its cheating. That's just fact but again it doesn't matter to others as it's your relationship. Hotwifing isn't cheating both parties know. Swinging isn't cheating. Having sex without the knowledge or agreement from your partner is. But you dont need to justify. Do as you please. Some wont mind. Some will. Theres no other way around it in my mind but we're free to believe what we want. Ok... So... Let's break this down; Sex with other people. Define that please? And we talking about penetrative sex? Anal? Oral? Or just vaginal? Are we including heavy petting? Masturbation? Kissing? Flirting? The exchange of naked images of one another? Sexting? Watching porn? All of the above acts involve some form of "sexual" interaction with an individual who may not be your partner... So do you agree that engaging in all the above acts, in one form or another comes under your banner of "cheating"? " Cheating is doing something you consider your partner would call cheating. Simples. It's KNOWING you are breaking loyalty and trust with your partner and doing it anyway that's the absolute worst part. | |||
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" I really can't see how someone can justify lying to their partner but I'm sure the cheaters can justify it to themselves! " And if the partner is physically or emotionally abusive and/or controlling? If the individual is unable to terminate the relationship due to financial and/or housing concerns? | |||
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" Cheating is doing something you consider your partner would call cheating. Simples. It's KNOWING you are breaking loyalty and trust with your partner and doing it anyway that's the absolute worst part. " Again - no one is denying the terminology. My argument is that sometimes people have justifiable reasons for same, and nobody should stand in judgement of someone else. | |||
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" Lying to your partner, meeting people in secret for sex is cheating its very simple really. No one's denying the terminology of the act - my point is that people often do have VERY justified reasons for infidelity. Happy people don't cheat. "In relation to happiness you've one life everyone deserves to be happy if you are unhappy in relationship, try and sort it or get out of it. Life is to short to be unhappy. | |||
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"Everyone judges on here whether it's judging looks , height , weight, size etc cheating is just another criteria to use to pick potential meets or not." Absolutely, and nothing wrong with applying that criteria. If you don't wish to meet married folk, that's absolutely your choice. But again, my point is, who are we to stand in judgement of anyone else's life or choices. | |||
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" In relation to happiness you've one life everyone deserves to be happy if you are unhappy in relationship, try and sort it or get out of it. Life is to short to be unhappy. " Not everyone has the liberty to change their life circumstances unfortunately. | |||
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" Cheating is doing something you consider your partner would call cheating. Simples. It's KNOWING you are breaking loyalty and trust with your partner and doing it anyway that's the absolute worst part. Again - no one is denying the terminology. My argument is that sometimes people have justifiable reasons for same, and nobody should stand in judgement of someone else. " You specifically asked to break this down and applied a poor and ambiguous description of it. I gave you a clear one. There shouldn't be any confusion. | |||
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"Oh and happy people do cheat. Happy people that want the best of both worlds, the trill of the ride and the wife/husband at home with the kids. Mr perfect Dad or Mrs perfect mom" Absolutely. It's not always a happiness issue at all | |||
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" You specifically asked to break this down and applied a poor and ambiguous description of it. I gave you a clear one. There shouldn't be any confusion. " But relationships and the rules applied to same are usually ambiguous and open to interpretation. This hard and fast attitude of THIS IS THAT and THAT IS THIS is a difficult one to apply to people and the intricacies of their relationships. I'm not in the least bit confused, but thank you for your concern. | |||
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" Cheating is doing something you consider your partner would call cheating. Simples. It's KNOWING you are breaking loyalty and trust with your partner and doing it anyway that's the absolute worst part. Again - no one is denying the terminology. My argument is that sometimes people have justifiable reasons for same, and nobody should stand in judgement of someone else. " Thats your opinion and you are welcome to it. I would disagree. | |||
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"Everyone judges on here whether it's judging looks , height , weight, size etc cheating is just another criteria to use to pick potential meets or not. Absolutely, and nothing wrong with applying that criteria. If you don't wish to meet married folk, that's absolutely your choice. But again, my point is, who are we to stand in judgement of anyone else's life or choices." So we shouldn't judge people who are physically and mentally abusive to their partner because it's their life ? | |||
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"Oh and happy people do cheat. Happy people that want the best of both worlds, the trill of the ride and the wife/husband at home with the kids. Mr perfect Dad or Mrs perfect mom" And how can you say that with absolute confidence? Nobody knows the mind of another inside and out. | |||
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" So we shouldn't judge people who are physically and mentally abusive to their partner because it's their life ? " There's a slight difference between someone who is actively and knowingly destroying another's happiness and someone who attempts to reconcile their own by keeping secrets. | |||
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" You specifically asked to break this down and applied a poor and ambiguous description of it. I gave you a clear one. There shouldn't be any confusion. But relationships and the rules applied to same are usually ambiguous and open to interpretation. This hard and fast attitude of THIS IS THAT and THAT IS THIS is a difficult one to apply to people and the intricacies of their relationships. I'm not in the least bit confused, but thank you for your concern. "Not really. Most couples have a minimum expected level of behaviour from their partner which includes sneaking about fucking other people. That rule is rarely ambiguous and open to interpretation. | |||
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" So we shouldn't judge people who are physically and mentally abusive to their partner because it's their life ? There's a slight difference between someone who is actively and knowingly destroying another's happiness and someone who attempts to reconcile their own by keeping secrets. " And cheating doesn't destroy the other person's happiness ? | |||
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" Not really. Most couples have a minimum expected level of behaviour from their partner which includes sneaking about fucking other people. That rule is rarely ambiguous and open to interpretation. " And how exactly do you know how other couples operate? Are you privy to their every waking moment and emotional beat? Their fantasies, dreams, pressures and strains? In my humble opinion the only relationship your qualified to comment on with absolute certainty is your own. | |||
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" And cheating doesn't destroy the other person's happiness ? " If discovered. But again, my point is, sometimes the action of infidelity can be justified. That's my opinion. It's clear you don't agree which is fine but I'd implore you to try and understand why some people find themselves in such a situation. | |||
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"Oh and happy people do cheat. Happy people that want the best of both worlds, the trill of the ride and the wife/husband at home with the kids. Mr perfect Dad or Mrs perfect mom And how can you say that with absolute confidence? Nobody knows the mind of another inside and out. " So how do you know they are unhappy? And therefore justified in cheating. Anyhoo it doesn't matter as I said cheaters don't see anything wrong with actions they have justified it for themselves and their poor me stories. | |||
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". So how do you know they are unhappy? And therefore justified in cheating. Anyhoo it doesn't matter as I said cheaters don't see anything wrong with actions they have justified it for themselves and their poor me stories. " Sometimes poor me stories are true. | |||
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"Sounds like a lot of convincing oneself is being attempted here "If you're referring to myself, I am, unfortunately, woefully single!
And I myself don't cheat for the simple fact that I'm an atrocious liar.  | |||
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"Not everyone has a perfect life. Not everyone is in a happy marriage or relationship. Some people are forced to co-reside with an ex. Some people are in dead relationships where there is no love, sex or affection. Some people are financially dependent upon their partners. Some people remain with partners for the sake of a family unit. Some people on here have met their perfect partner and are blissfully happy. That's not everyone. I don't think anyone has to the right the judge anyone else's sexual behaviour on this website. The exceptions being anything that falls within the remit of illegality. Just my humble Bat-Opinion. "And all these people deserve happiness and therfore should change their situation so they can get it whatever the change may be rather than spend their life lying, looking over their shoulder. | |||
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" Not really. Most couples have a minimum expected level of behaviour from their partner which includes sneaking about fucking other people. That rule is rarely ambiguous and open to interpretation. And how exactly do you know how other couples operate? Are you privy to their every waking moment and emotional beat? Their fantasies, dreams, pressures and strains? In my humble opinion the only relationship your qualified to comment on with absolute certainty is your own. " I'm sure you're right. I'm sure most partners don't mind at all when their partners fuck other people behind their backs without telling them. | |||
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"Not everyone has a perfect life. Not everyone is in a happy marriage or relationship. Some people are forced to co-reside with an ex. Some people are in dead relationships where there is no love, sex or affection. Some people are financially dependent upon their partners. Some people remain with partners for the sake of a family unit. Some people on here have met their perfect partner and are blissfully happy. That's not everyone. I don't think anyone has to the right the judge anyone else's sexual behaviour on this website. The exceptions being anything that falls within the remit of illegality. Just my humble Bat-Opinion. "I’d challenge you that in the vast majority if not all these scenarios, cheating won’t be justified either. Cohabitating- have an open chat Dead relationship - have open chats Financially dependent - open communication Staying For the sake of family - you get the picture | |||
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"Life is about making judgements so I never understand someone telling someone else off for “being judgemental”. Making judgments is how we decide to do something, act in a certain way, who we associate with, everything in life. People speak as if making judgments is a negative thing. It is part of our critical thinking process. I’d hazard a guess that lots of people who don’t want to be judged in the scenario we are discussing is because they already have something on their conscience. If one doesn’t want to be judged then one cannot in anyway expect to be allowed to judge others for judging them "Exactly this. People who say they don't make judgements about other people are either idiots or liars | |||
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"Life is about making judgements so I never understand someone telling someone else off for “being judgemental”. Making judgments is how we decide to do something, act in a certain way, who we associate with, everything in life. People speak as if making judgments is a negative thing. It is part of our critical thinking process. I’d hazard a guess that lots of people who don’t want to be judged in the scenario we are discussing is because they already have something on their conscience. If one doesn’t want to be judged then one cannot in anyway expect to be allowed to judge others for judging them "Again I feel that's simplifying the issue - when I speak of judgements I'm talking about taking a moral stance against someone due to their perceived behaviour. What you're referring to seems more like 'choice' to me. Which is fine. "I choose not to associate with people who cheat." "I choose not to meet overweight people." "I choose not to work in a particular field." Those 'choices' are intrinsically different from moral judgements. "They're a bad person because they cheat." "Overweight people are unattractive." "People who work in that field are wankers." The above are judgments as opposed to choices. We're all free to make choices, and we're all free to make judgements - but I feel judgements are an inherently unfair idea - do we know how or why an individual is overweight or chooses to work in that field? We don't. Not really. So we can absolutely "choose" not to engage with the person, but we don't necessarily have to judge them. | |||
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" And all these people deserve happiness and therfore should change their situation so they can get it whatever the change may be rather than spend their life lying, looking over their shoulder. " And if they can't change their situation? | |||
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" And all these people deserve happiness and therfore should change their situation so they can get it whatever the change may be rather than spend their life lying, looking over their shoulder. And if they can't change their situation? " They can | |||
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" They can" I expected more from you - not everyone can. Not every situation can be resolved by an "open chat", if you believe same I feel you must have led a very sheltered existence. | |||
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" And cheating doesn't destroy the other person's happiness ? If discovered. But again, my point is, sometimes the action of infidelity can be justified. That's my opinion. It's clear you don't agree which is fine but I'd implore you to try and understand why some people find themselves in such a situation. " I think that most people who feel so strongly about cheating are the ones who have been cheated on. I am one of them people and it's mentally scarring and degrading. Person who have been cheated on loses their confidence for a considerable amount of time if not forever: Am I not good enough? Am I unnaproachable? Am I too ugly? Too boring? I certainly am too stupid to not understand what went wrong. What do they see in others that they don't see in me? Why do they put more effort into strangers than in me? All these questions play in ones mind over and over. Especially when it's a long term affair and you see it happening right in front of your eyes. When they deny everything if you confront them. Calling you crazy. When they sneakily get a shower just before going out to walk the dog. There is absolutely no excuse to stay with a partner who you call your best friend but you're more than happy to keep "secrets" from. Put secrets in brackets because most of the time it is more than obvious when your partner cheats on you, only people choose to lie to themselves and try to wait it out in hopes it will stop. There is no such thing as staying together for the kids. You're teaching your kids to live a miserable life just to keep up appearances of a fake happy family. What kind of an example is this? Finances - is money more important than mental stability? Really? Housing - plenty of options. People rent, share houses, eventually buy... It shouldn't even be a question. Torturing a partner (especially one who knows exactly what's going on, but you won't admit it) is a horrible thing to do and I don't wish to my worst enemy to be a cheaters partner. Oh and after you eventually break up a relationship- they will never be able to trust another person same way they trusted you. Resulting in many potential happy relationships being broken down because you weren't able to stay loyal and honest. So yes, I will judge the cheaters. I will not confront them - let them do what they want. Will I steer clear from them- yes. Always. Without a single exception. | |||
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"Life is about making judgements so I never understand someone telling someone else off for “being judgemental”. Making judgments is how we decide to do something, act in a certain way, who we associate with, everything in life. People speak as if making judgments is a negative thing. It is part of our critical thinking process. I’d hazard a guess that lots of people who don’t want to be judged in the scenario we are discussing is because they already have something on their conscience. If one doesn’t want to be judged then one cannot in anyway expect to be allowed to judge others for judging them
Again I feel that's simplifying the issue - when I speak of judgements I'm talking about taking a moral stance against someone due to their perceived behaviour. What you're referring to seems more like 'choice' to me. Which is fine.
"I choose not to associate with people who cheat."
"I choose not to meet overweight people."
"I choose not to work in a particular field."
Those 'choices' are intrinsically different from moral judgements.
"They're a bad person because they cheat."
"Overweight people are unattractive."
"People who work in that field are wankers."
The above are judgments as opposed to choices.
We're all free to make choices, and we're all free to make judgements - but I feel judgements are an inherently unfair idea - do we know how or why an individual is overweight or chooses to work in that field? We don't. Not really. So we can absolutely "choose" not to engage with the person, but we don't necessarily have to judge them. "Now we’re getting somewhere. Yes life is about choices/making judgements- whatever you want to call it. As is the case for those who cheat. They make a choice to cheat. They could also have made the choice not to cheat and be a decent critical thinker and be open with firstly themselves and then their partner(s) And as you quite rightly say. We’re all free to make choices and judgements. So if someone cheats, others are quite rightly free to judge. You can’t have your cake and eat it if you want to get less “simplistic” about the matter | |||
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" They can I expected more from you - not everyone can. Not every situation can be resolved by an "open chat", if you believe same I feel you must have led a very sheltered existence. " Lol. Have you been there? I have. Ive had that open chat that led to seperation from wife and kids. Ironic that you judge my experience so quickly | |||
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" And all these people deserve happiness and therfore should change their situation so they can get it whatever the change may be rather than spend their life lying, looking over their shoulder. And if they can't change their situation? " It seems to me that you’re the person simplifying eve ru situation and not other posters. If you feel cheating is justified in certain scenarios then the onus is on you to provide some examples so they can be discussed | |||
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" They can I expected more from you - not everyone can. Not every situation can be resolved by an "open chat", if you believe same I feel you must have led a very sheltered existence. " Oh but we’re not just solving everything in life with open chats. That’s a possible option and starting point. If you want to get into details then we can do that. Once you provide these justified scenarios | |||
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" Lol. Have you been there? I have. Ive had that open chat that led to seperation from wife and kids. Ironic that you judge my experience so quickly " I'm not "judging" 
But I'm a little taken aback how strongly people feel about this issue. And how steadfast they are.
No, in answer to your question. I've never had to walk away from a relationship like the one you've described. I've no children. I don't want to ever find myself in the situation you were in.
But. I have supported several friends, male and female, through infidelity, separation and divorce. And have been the victim of several infidelities myself.
It's awful, it's horrendously painful and yes it destroys one's existence for a time.
But we do recover.
And when my anger subsided I tried to understand why.
Today I bare no ill will to anyone who cheated on me once upon a time.
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" If you want to get into details then we can do that. Once you provide these justified scenarios "I believe I've already supplied several. | |||
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" If you want to get into details then we can do that. Once you provide these justified scenarios
I believe I've already supplied several. "No you haven’t. You provided broad vague headings of which cheating would be one of the easier things to do. You can be a person who either takes the easy and selfish way or you can engage your fair minded part of your conscience and deal with the realities of your life in a respectful way. But it’s always easy to scope out those who refuse to acknowledge their own blind spots | |||
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" If you want to get into details then we can do that. Once you provide these justified scenarios
I believe I've already supplied several.
No you haven’t. You provided broad vague headings of which cheating would be one of the easier things to do.
You can be a person who either takes the easy and selfish way or you can engage your fair minded part of your conscience and deal with the realities of your life in a respectful way.
But it’s always easy to scope out those who refuse to acknowledge their own blind spots "Ok - I'm not entirely certain if you're attempting to launch a personal attack on myself or not but if the former is true I'd advise you that it's pointless. I'm pretty damned comfortable in myself.
As for a scenario where I believe infidelity could be justified;
Take a person who married exceedingly young. They move into their partners home. The couple have several children. Our person is dependent upon their partner financially. Over the years our person matures and finds their partner is not whom they thought them to be. Said partner becomes intellectually, emotionally and on rare occasions physically and sexually abusive. Our person feels they cannot leave due to fears for their safety and security and fears the same for their children. So they stay. In the meantime they meet someone who encourages them to leave. They find this new person to be infinitely more suitable to them romantically and sexually.
Should our person deny themselves the solace of an understanding lover?
Continue to live in a perpetual hell with no light to speak of?
And I'm aware the answer will be - grow a pair and leave.
But not everyone has the emotional fortitude to take that step. Some people just don't.
So my point would be, who are we to judge or look down upon this person for the choices they make?  | |||
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" If you want to get into details then we can do that. Once you provide these justified scenarios
I believe I've already supplied several.
No you haven’t. You provided broad vague headings of which cheating would be one of the easier things to do.
You can be a person who either takes the easy and selfish way or you can engage your fair minded part of your conscience and deal with the realities of your life in a respectful way.
But it’s always easy to scope out those who refuse to acknowledge their own blind spots
Ok - I'm not entirely certain if you're attempting to launch a personal attack on myself or not but if the former is true I'd advise you that it's pointless. I'm pretty damned comfortable in myself.
As for a scenario where I believe infidelity could be justified;
Take a person who married exceedingly young. They move into their partners home. The couple have several children. Our person is dependent upon their partner financially. Over the years our person matures and finds their partner is not whom they thought them to be. Said partner becomes intellectually, emotionally and on rare occasions physically and sexually abusive. Our person feels they cannot leave due to fears for their safety and security and fears the same for their children. So they stay. In the meantime they meet someone who encourages them to leave. They find this new person to be infinitely more suitable to them romantically and sexually.
Should our person deny themselves the solace of an understanding lover?
Continue to live in a perpetual hell with no light to speak of?
And I'm aware the answer will be - grow a pair and leave.
But not everyone has the emotional fortitude to take that step. Some people just don't.
So my point would be, who are we to judge or look down upon this person for the choices they make? "Did that person found their new more compatible person on a swinging website? | |||
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" If you want to get into details then we can do that. Once you provide these justified scenarios
I believe I've already supplied several.
No you haven’t. You provided broad vague headings of which cheating would be one of the easier things to do.
You can be a person who either takes the easy and selfish way or you can engage your fair minded part of your conscience and deal with the realities of your life in a respectful way.
But it’s always easy to scope out those who refuse to acknowledge their own blind spots
Ok - I'm not entirely certain if you're attempting to launch a personal attack on myself or not but if the former is true I'd advise you that it's pointless. I'm pretty damned comfortable in myself.
As for a scenario where I believe infidelity could be justified;
Take a person who married exceedingly young. They move into their partners home. The couple have several children. Our person is dependent upon their partner financially. Over the years our person matures and finds their partner is not whom they thought them to be. Said partner becomes intellectually, emotionally and on rare occasions physically and sexually abusive. Our person feels they cannot leave due to fears for their safety and security and fears the same for their children. So they stay. In the meantime they meet someone who encourages them to leave. They find this new person to be infinitely more suitable to them romantically and sexually.
Should our person deny themselves the solace of an understanding lover?
Continue to live in a perpetual hell with no light to speak of?
And I'm aware the answer will be - grow a pair and leave.
But not everyone has the emotional fortitude to take that step. Some people just don't.
So my point would be, who are we to judge or look down upon this person for the choices they make? "I wouldn’t say grow a pair because that’s crass language and the situation is more nuanced than just telling someone that. What I will say is that if the person that badly fears this person for their safety, they most likely will already have made an effort and is making an effort to leave or get help from somebody. They’ll generally realise that if they’re under such fear of endangerment they’ll know that whatever their circumstances it’s wiser to get help and try to start a process of getting away from them. Furthermore, it’s highly unlikely that someone under such terror of fear would even have the mental fortitude to start a secret cheating relationship. They’d probably be too scared of being found out. And it also wouldn’t say much for the person they’d potentially have the affair with. Much more likely in a scenario like this is that other person would be trying to help the person out of their terrible position and not manipulate them into an affair. Which is very likely of how you could look at it if someone was to get involved with someone who is in such a vulnerable position. I do thank you for coming up with a much better scenario though. Of course no one should be condemned to a miserable and terrorised life. Unfortunately cheating isn’t going to either help it or remedy it. | |||
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" Did that person found their new more compatible person on a swinging website? " Touché!
But let's say they did... They logged on one night out of frustration... | |||
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" Of course no one should be condemned to a miserable and terrorised life. Unfortunately cheating isn’t going to either help it or remedy it. " I thought this forum was all about crass!
You say the infidelity isn't going to help - but we don't know that.
That's my point.
We don't know anything really about other people's lives, their situations or their motivations... Everything is just supposition.
And without that knowledge, without that insight, I prefer not to sit in judgement of someone. | |||
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" Of course no one should be condemned to a miserable and terrorised life. Unfortunately cheating isn’t going to either help it or remedy it. I thought this forum was all about crass!
You say the infidelity isn't going to help - but we don't know that.
That's my point.
We don't know anything really about other people's lives, their situations or their motivations... Everything is just supposition.
And without that knowledge, without that insight, I prefer not to sit in judgement of someone. "Again you talk like judgement is a bad thing to do. You pair it always with a negative connotation. It’s not helpful. I wonder how often infidelity and such severe forms of deceit have helped situations. And let’s roam ing term here - not the initial excitement and escape. We as humans would always prefer to avoid the difficult situations but often times with hindsight we would look back and realise our path would have been vastly improved and less complicated had we tackled the difficult problem head on in the first place | |||
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"There are organisatuins who's sole purpose is to look after people who are fleeing an a ubusive relationship. Women's aid being one. People can and do leave these situations. They can be given housing and legal support which can allow them to start a new life. Getting fucked by a fabber isn't going to be much help. " I am aware of these organisations, but as I've said I'm also aware of people who don't have the emotional fortitude to take that step. And yes, I'll concede that being Fab fucked mightn't help the situation. But that doesn't mean I should judge the person negatively for doing so. It's their choice. | |||
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" Again you talk like judgement is a bad thing to do. You pair it always with a negative connotation. It’s not helpful. I wonder how often infidelity and such severe forms of deceit have helped situations. And let’s roam ing term here - not the initial excitement and escape. We as humans would always prefer to avoid the difficult situations but often times with hindsight we would look back and realise our path would have been vastly improved and less complicated had we tackled the difficult problem head on in the first place " I don't mean for it to sound negative. I'm stating that I prefer not to do it and it's my belief that no one is qualified to judge anything other than their own relationship. | |||
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"There are organisatuins who's sole purpose is to look after people who are fleeing an a ubusive relationship. Women's aid being one. People can and do leave these situations. They can be given housing and legal support which can allow them to start a new life. Getting fucked by a fabber isn't going to be much help. I am aware of these organisations, but as I've said I'm also aware of people who don't have the emotional fortitude to take that step. And yes, I'll concede that being Fab fucked mightn't help the situation. But that doesn't mean I should judge the person negatively for doing so. It's their choice. " So on one hand you’re saying the don’t have the mental strength to leave but should have enough about them to cheat? I doubt someone in that scenario would even be thinking of it. But then again who the fuck knows
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" But then again who the fuck knows
"Precisely my point. 
Let me take a moment to thank you both for a spirited, intelligent and (largely!) respectful discussion! | |||
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" But then again who the fuck knows
Precisely my point.
Let me take a moment to thank you both for a spirited, intelligent and (largely!) respectful discussion! "Largely yes haha It doesn’t serve as a good generalisation though that people shouldn’t be expected to treat others with respect, which i would expect most cheaters don’t know the meaning of the word | |||
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" But then again who the fuck knows
Precisely my point.
Let me take a moment to thank you both for a spirited, intelligent and (largely!) respectful discussion!
Largely yes haha
It doesn’t serve as a good generalisation though that people shouldn’t be expected to treat others with respect, which i would expect most cheaters don’t know the meaning of the word "Respect is earned and maintained. In a perfect world, yes, no one would lie, cheat nor steal, unfortunately that world is a fiction. | |||
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"There are organisatuins who's sole purpose is to look after people who are fleeing an a ubusive relationship. Women's aid being one. People can and do leave these situations. They can be given housing and legal support which can allow them to start a new life. Getting fucked by a fabber isn't going to be much help. I am aware of these organisations, but as I've said I'm also aware of people who don't have the emotional fortitude to take that step. And yes, I'll concede that being Fab fucked mightn't help the situation. But that doesn't mean I should judge the person negatively for doing so. It's their choice. " You can only offer someone so much help and they would have to take the step to leave themselves, but they COULD leave. Electing to instead fuck a stranger is a very odd decision. One that may well attract the judgement of some if it were to be uncovered at a later stage. Clearly the right decision is to leave. | |||
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". You can only offer someone so much help and they would have to take the step to leave themselves, but they COULD leave. Electing to instead fuck a stranger is a very odd decision. One that may well attract the judgement of some if it were to be uncovered at a later stage. Clearly the right decision is to leave." The right decision for you, sure. But we don't have a monopoly on morality. The only person who gets to decide what's right for someone is the person themselves. In my humble opinion. | |||
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". You can only offer someone so much help and they would have to take the step to leave themselves, but they COULD leave. Electing to instead fuck a stranger is a very odd decision. One that may well attract the judgement of some if it were to be uncovered at a later stage. Clearly the right decision is to leave. The right decision for you, sure. But we don't have a monopoly on morality. The only person who gets to decide what's right for someone is the person themselves. In my humble opinion. "Id disagree with your opinion. If you are wanting to have sex with someone else behind your partners back, and they don't want you to, then you leave. Abuse give you a larger reason to leave not a smaller one. | |||
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" Id disagree with your opinion. If you are wanting to have sex with someone else behind your partners back, and they don't want you to, then you leave. Abuse give you a larger reason to leave not a smaller one. " But ultimately that choice rests with the person best equipped to make it - the person who is in the relationship. They make the choice, because they have lived the experience. For us to sit outside the relationship and look on tut tutting without knowing the complete story, without knowing the emotions, the pressures or the narrative but still apply a blanket judgment of "wrong" no matter what the reality... well to me, it's just a little short sighted. I'm not qualified enough to judge anyone's choices or their relationship. I can absolutely choose not to become involved with such people, as is my right, but I would be extremely hesitant to cast judgment upon anyone. | |||
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" Id disagree with your opinion. If you are wanting to have sex with someone else behind your partners back, and they don't want you to, then you leave. Abuse give you a larger reason to leave not a smaller one. But ultimately that choice rests with the person best equipped to make it - the person who is in the relationship. They make the choice, because they have lived the experience. For us to sit outside the relationship and look on tut tutting without knowing the complete story, without knowing the emotions, the pressures or the narrative but still apply a blanket judgment of "wrong" no matter what the reality... well to me, it's just a little short sighted. I'm not qualified enough to judge anyone's choices or their relationship. I can absolutely choose not to become involved with such people, as is my right, but I would be extremely hesitant to cast judgment upon anyone. " Well said .. | |||
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" Id disagree with your opinion. If you are wanting to have sex with someone else behind your partners back, and they don't want you to, then you leave. Abuse give you a larger reason to leave not a smaller one. But ultimately that choice rests with the person best equipped to make it - the person who is in the relationship. They make the choice, because they have lived the experience. For us to sit outside the relationship and look on tut tutting without knowing the complete story, without knowing the emotions, the pressures or the narrative but still apply a blanket judgment of "wrong" no matter what the reality... well to me, it's just a little short sighted. I'm not qualified enough to judge anyone's choices or their relationship. I can absolutely choose not to become involved with such people, as is my right, but I would be extremely hesitant to cast judgment upon anyone. " 100% agree with you on this B-B | |||
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"Of course it's their choice. Marriage is a choice too. One where 2 people choose to be faithful to each other. " And on occasion... That doesn't work out. | |||
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" 100% agree with you on this B-B " Ah Isobel! Tis yourself!
How you keeping ya wee minx?!
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"Of course it's their choice. Marriage is a choice too. One where 2 people choose to be faithful to each other. And on occasion... That doesn't work out. " Absolutely. And they seperate. | |||
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" Absolutely. And they seperate. " We're back to the perfect world again. Where people have the ready security, resources and fortitude to do so. But we don't live in that world. So people make imperfect choices to try and get by in a imperfect world, and I choose not to judge them for seeking a compromise in order to eek out some small semblance of contentment.
Kudos to you for being able to make that difficult choice and follow through on an awful process.
But not everyone is you. | |||
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"I guess what you call imperfection I call a lack of basic decency" Sometimes it is yes. | |||
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"You might feel different you were married. " I might, but that kinda reinforces my point. I'm not married, I don't have the experience of being married, so I'm in no position to judge anyone's marriage. | |||
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"Which one of these threads is worth reading " Best to avoid any thread I start | |||
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"You might feel different you were married. I might, but that kinda reinforces my point. I'm not married, I don't have the experience of being married, so I'm in no position to judge anyone's marriage. " Then why bother commenting on it. | |||
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"You might feel different you were married. I might, but that kinda reinforces my point. I'm not married, I don't have the experience of being married, so I'm in no position to judge anyone's marriage. Then why bother commenting on it. "The topic wasn't about marriage, it was about married people being on Fab... And that - I do have experience of. | |||
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"Ain't none o' my fucking business!
kindly keep it to yourself.
Just my two cents. "You were right and you probably should have lol | |||
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"Ain't none o' my fucking business!
kindly keep it to yourself.
Just my two cents.
You were right and you probably should have lol"Probably...
I was never was one to follow good advice! | |||
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"I guess what you call imperfection I call a lack of basic decency" That seems a bit harsh if you'll forgive me for saying so. For all I know, you may well know everyone else's specific circumstances, but you don't know mine. If it helps inform your response should you feel compelled to give one, I'm not cheating, my wife and I used to have a couples profile, and when she was able to know, she knew I was on here on my own - in fact it was her suggestion that I set up a profile on my own. May I politly suggest that if you're fortunate enough to have not had the experience of seeing the love of your life suffering mental health problems, you might perhaps be a little easier on those who have. It would be unloving and brutal beyond words to "walk away" from someone who needs you. And if they, when they were clear headed enough to say so, gave their blessing for you to enjoy the gift of being alive while you can, I don't think that's 'cheating' in the black and white/right or wrong sense that prevails in this thread. My apologies if that comes across as too strong, but please do keep in mind that mental health problems are the most awful curse, nobody's fault and, from kind and lovely chats on fab, it seems I'm far from alone. Best wishes to you. | |||
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"I guess what you call imperfection I call a lack of basic decency That seems a bit harsh if you'll forgive me for saying so. For all I know, you may well know everyone else's specific circumstances, but you don't know mine. If it helps inform your response should you feel compelled to give one, I'm not cheating, my wife and I used to have a couples profile, and when she was able to know, she knew I was on here on my own - in fact it was her suggestion that I set up a profile on my own. May I politly suggest that if you're fortunate enough to have not had the experience of seeing the love of your life suffering mental health problems, you might perhaps be a little easier on those who have. It would be unloving and brutal beyond words to "walk away" from someone who needs you. And if they, when they were clear headed enough to say so, gave their blessing for you to enjoy the gift of being alive while you can, I don't think that's 'cheating' in the black and white/right or wrong sense that prevails in this thread. My apologies if that comes across as too strong, but please do keep in mind that mental health problems are the most awful curse, nobody's fault and, from kind and lovely chats on fab, it seems I'm far from alone. Best wishes to you. " Do you mean mental health conditions that cause people to feel the need to cheat on their partner? Or ones that mean issues that mean you don't mind being cheated on? My family have been effected recently by depression. We also have bipolar and autism very close to us. As far as I can think nobody has felt the need to have sex with anyone behind their partners back because of this. I'm not really sure how that would help anyone. The only thing I would think of would be perhaps a brain injury or peogressive disease like parkinsons or alzheimer's or something where an individual had a personality change, to the point where they weren't the same person that was married. In an awful situation like that I don't think anybody would blame the partner from moving on. | |||
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" Do you mean mental health conditions that cause people to feel the need to cheat on their partner? Or ones that mean issues that mean you don't mind being cheated on? My family have been effected recently by depression. We also have bipolar and autism very close to us. As far as I can think nobody has felt the need to have sex with anyone behind their partners back because of this. I'm not really sure how that would help anyone. The only thing I would think of would be perhaps a brain injury or peogressive disease like parkinsons or alzheimer's or something where an individual had a personality change, to the point where they weren't the same person that was married. In an awful situation like that I don't think anybody would blame the partner from moving on." There's also unresolved or untreated trauma, werein hyper-sexuality is a common enough symptom. But I feel we're digressing into the infidelity as a particularly negative choice or as the result of some kind of "damage" which I'll concede is not the always the case. To be clear, I absolutely admit that from an objective standpoint, lying to and manipulating one's partner seems wrong, but I feel that until one knows the entirety of the circumstances one can never stand in judgement of another. And given the complexity of human relationships, I believe it's nigh impossible to know those circumstances... As such I try and not cast my (absolutely imperfect) judgement upon anyone or their choices. At the risk of repeating myself, I can absolutely choose not to engage with those individuals if I disapprove of how they live their life, but that doesn't mean I have to stand in moral judgement of them.  | |||
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"Ain't none o' my fucking business!
If you don't wanna screw married folk then that's your perogative, nobody's gonna beg you.
But no one, and I mean NO ONE, has the right to stand in judgement of anyone else's life or their choices...
You can form an opinion, but like religion and herpes, kindly keep it to yourself.
Just my two cents. "Unfortunately even when you put no married guys thanks they still email and say "but it's a sex site blah blah blah" bit annoying tbh and when you delete email they can get abusive,would be nice if everyone read profiles not just looked at pics before emailing.Lastly no ones gonna beg well yes some do also offer cash etc.No supermodels here but that's the experience over at least 8 yrs | |||
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" Unfortunately even when you put no married guys thanks they still email and say "but it's a sex site blah blah blah" bit annoying tbh and when you delete email they can get abusive,would be nice if everyone read profiles not just looked at pics before emailing.Lastly no ones gonna beg well yes some do also offer cash etc.No supermodels here but that's the experience over at least 8 yrs" I wouldn't say that's exclusive to married guys - just guys in general
Man oh man I wish a woman would offer me cash for sex. | |||
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" Unfortunately even when you put no married guys thanks they still email and say "but it's a sex site blah blah blah" bit annoying tbh and when you delete email they can get abusive,would be nice if everyone read profiles not just looked at pics before emailing.Lastly no ones gonna beg well yes some do also offer cash etc.No supermodels here but that's the experience over at least 8 yrs I wouldn't say that's exclusive to married guys - just guys in general
Man oh man I wish a woman would offer me cash for sex. "Possible the truest thing on here this am lol | |||
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"This seems like the only subject on here that people have a problem judging others about.....
"Would you care to elucidate Mr. Boobs?! | |||
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"This seems like the only subject on here that people have a problem judging others about.....
Would you care to elucidate Mr. Boobs?! "Off the top of my head topics that people get ripped for with little or no "let not judge" arguments. Bad profiles Repeated mails Pushy behaviour Trolling I mean basically most other treads.. people argue and have different opinions but you just don't hear the dont judge someones actions arguments | |||
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"Each to their own..as l've said on another thread about the same , personally it's not for me ,as the song says . some will..some won't ..some do some don't ...my reason is pure and simple ,the ride is not worth the fall..the potential fallout from such a thing can reach untold carnage and l certainly do not want to be caught in the middle of something like that or be in anyway responsible..it's a huge no no for me ,l get where all the " bravados " that don't give a damn get their way of thinking..and good luck to them.. absolutely..knock their socks off ..but believe me ,it'd be a totally different scenario if you're caught and the collateral damage from the fallout for all involved and that includes children's lives is horrendous.. simply horrendous..and if there are those that don't mind getting into that potential situation..knock yourself out .." Ok - but tonnes of marriages collapse without infidelity. | |||
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"This seems like the only subject on here that people have a problem judging others about.....
Would you care to elucidate Mr. Boobs?!
Off the top of my head topics that people get ripped for with little or no "let not judge" arguments.
Bad profiles
Repeated mails
Pushy behaviour
Trolling
I mean basically most other treads.. people argue and have different opinions but you just don't hear the dont judge someones actions arguments"I don't think a "let's not judge" argument can be reasonably applied to the behaviours you mentioned. Again it boils down to choice - people choose not to engage with people with lacklustre profiles or whom they deem pushy. Nobody is saying that it's inherently morally wrong that people send more than one mail or are unduly pushy. It's more of a pain in the hole than something that someone might find offensive. | |||
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". I work for her dad. We have kids. I have a higher sex drive than her. Where would I live? I am just looking for excitement. "I agree, most people attempt to justify their behaviours through any means necessary. It's why cognitive dissonance is a thing! | |||
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" At the risk of repeating myself, I can absolutely choose not to engage with those individuals if I disapprove of how they live their life, but that doesn't mean I have to stand in moral judgement of them. "Can you disapprove of how people live their lives without that being you judging them? | |||
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" At the risk of repeating myself, I can absolutely choose not to engage with those individuals if I disapprove of how they live their life, but that doesn't mean I have to stand in moral judgement of them.
Can you disapprove of how people live their lives without that being you judging them?
"Absolutely. I disapprove of a dog shitting in my shoe but I don't judge them for it. | |||
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" At the risk of repeating myself, I can absolutely choose not to engage with those individuals if I disapprove of how they live their life, but that doesn't mean I have to stand in moral judgement of them.
Can you disapprove of how people live their lives without that being you judging them?
Absolutely.
I disapprove of a dog shitting in my shoe but I don't judge them for it. "So disapproving of how people’s lives would also be to scorn or look upon them with disdain if we were to use two other synonyms. I’m just being cheeky to highlight the murky waters between language like “disapprove of how they live” and judging. It’s a continuum rather than a binary (one is wrong and one is ok to do) | |||
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" At the risk of repeating myself, I can absolutely choose not to engage with those individuals if I disapprove of how they live their life, but that doesn't mean I have to stand in moral judgement of them.
Can you disapprove of how people live their lives without that being you judging them?
Absolutely.
I disapprove of a dog shitting in my shoe but I don't judge them for it. "Dogs are animals, are you suggesting some people are acting on instinct? | |||
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" So disapproving of how people’s lives would also be to scorn or look upon them with disdain if we were to use two other synonyms. I’m just being cheeky to highlight the murky waters between language like “disapprove of how they live” and judging. It’s a continuum rather than a binary (one is wrong and one is ok to do) " Again you're kinda proving my point for me - nothing is ever one thing or the other. Neither "wrong" nor "right". Where people are concerned there's always layers and nuances. There's an infinite number of factors that go into a person's s thought and decision making process, let alone one that involves a second and third individual. So you are absolutely correct, I don't believe human behaviour can be reduced to a binary choice or sound bite, so I attempt (and yes I'm not always successful as I'm as messed up and as fallible as the next person) to not render judgement on others for their behaviours as I'm not qualified to do so. To have this blanket ban on a behaviour, "NO! It is ALWAYS WRONG! No matter what the circumstances!", seems kind reductionist to me.... | |||
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" Dogs are animals, are you suggesting some people are acting on instinct?" Figured someone would bring that up! It's a somewhat poor analogy. Go with someone who consistently lies about their lifestyle due to low self esteem. I can disapprove about the dishonesty without judging them for their coping mechanisms. | |||
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" So disapproving of how people’s lives would also be to scorn or look upon them with disdain if we were to use two other synonyms. I’m just being cheeky to highlight the murky waters between language like “disapprove of how they live” and judging. It’s a continuum rather than a binary (one is wrong and one is ok to do) Again you're kinda proving my point for me - nothing is ever one thing or the other. Neither "wrong" nor "right". Where people are concerned there's always layers and nuances. There's an infinite number of factors that go into a person's s thought and decision making process, let alone one that involves a second and third individual. So you are absolutely correct, I don't believe human behaviour can be reduced to a binary choice or sound bite, so I attempt (and yes I'm not always successful as I'm as messed up and as fallible as the next person) to not render judgement on others for their behaviours as I'm not qualified to do so. To have this blanket ban on a behaviour, "NO! It is ALWAYS WRONG! No matter what the circumstances!", seems kind reductionist to me.... "Thing is, morality is entirely subjective, perhaps the real question is why the opinions of strangers bother us so much if we are satisfied with our own moral code? | |||
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"| Thing is, morality is entirely subjective, perhaps the real question is why the opinions of strangers bother us so much if we are satisfied with our own moral code?" That's the thing about a debate - we kinda have to discuss the topic at hand in order to have one. | |||
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"| Thing is, morality is entirely subjective, perhaps the real question is why the opinions of strangers bother us so much if we are satisfied with our own moral code? That's the thing about a debate - we kinda have to discuss the topic at hand in order to have one. "As opposed to dog shit? | |||
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" As opposed to dog shit?" That... doesn't make a lot of sense as a retort... but ok | |||
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" So disapproving of how people’s lives would also be to scorn or look upon them with disdain if we were to use two other synonyms. I’m just being cheeky to highlight the murky waters between language like “disapprove of how they live” and judging. It’s a continuum rather than a binary (one is wrong and one is ok to do) Again you're kinda proving my point for me - nothing is ever one thing or the other. Neither "wrong" nor "right". Where people are concerned there's always layers and nuances. There's an infinite number of factors that go into a person's s thought and decision making process, let alone one that involves a second and third individual. So you are absolutely correct, I don't believe human behaviour can be reduced to a binary choice or sound bite, so I attempt (and yes I'm not always successful as I'm as messed up and as fallible as the next person) to not render judgement on others for their behaviours as I'm not qualified to do so. To have this blanket ban on a behaviour, "NO! It is ALWAYS WRONG! No matter what the circumstances!", seems kind reductionist to me.... "You have good points there yes! Very little is on a binary scale. Like I’ve said at the start, I don’t like the word “judging” to be associated negatively all the time. It’s not just a case of the word the action of judging being right or wrong. There are multiple interpretations of the word and not just a “good/bad thing to judge” definition of it. So I wouldn’t readily criticise people for judging or not judging others as we don’t know their full story either as you quite rightly and readily point out. I use the word judge in more of a co text of critically thinking for myself and use it to decide on what things I do or thoughts I have and such - like you associated that earlier with choices. W hi oxy I completely agree. Some people view judging as being purely a high horse thing. Some people judge it as being an insecure or ignorant thing and others view it as a moral compass by which they can try to achieve well behaved standards for themselves. And all the little balanced definitions in between so e of those possible bi aye extremes. Like also in the case of you saying you disapprove of people’s lives but don’t judge. Which one is ok to do? Is it ok to disapprove or scorn but not ok to judge? And again we’re back to what we even define these words as and if we define them on a binary or continuous or otherwise scale. Just food for thought also | |||
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" Dogs are animals, are you suggesting some people are acting on instinct? Figured someone would bring that up! It's a somewhat poor analogy. Go with someone who consistently lies about their lifestyle due to low self esteem. I can disapprove about the dishonesty without judging them for their coping mechanisms." I like that last sentence (depending on how we define disapproving or judging of course ) | |||
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" As opposed to dog shit? That... doesn't make a lot of sense as a retort... but ok "Neither did yours, but I suppose that's what happens when the topic has run it's course. People judge, it's what we do, how we assess others. Anyone pretends not to is a liar. Not everyone expresses it publicly. | |||
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" So disapproving of how people’s lives would also be to scorn or look upon them with disdain if we were to use two other synonyms. I’m just being cheeky to highlight the murky waters between language like “disapprove of how they live” and judging. It’s a continuum rather than a binary (one is wrong and one is ok to do) Again you're kinda proving my point for me - nothing is ever one thing or the other. Neither "wrong" nor "right". Where people are concerned there's always layers and nuances. There's an infinite number of factors that go into a person's s thought and decision making process, let alone one that involves a second and third individual. So you are absolutely correct, I don't believe human behaviour can be reduced to a binary choice or sound bite, so I attempt (and yes I'm not always successful as I'm as messed up and as fallible as the next person) to not render judgement on others for their behaviours as I'm not qualified to do so. To have this blanket ban on a behaviour, "NO! It is ALWAYS WRONG! No matter what the circumstances!", seems kind reductionist to me....
You have good points there yes!
Very little is on a binary scale. Like I’ve said at the start, I don’t like the word “judging” to be associated negatively all the time. It’s not just a case of the word the action of judging being right or wrong. There are multiple interpretations of the word and not just a “good/bad thing to judge” definition of it.
So I wouldn’t readily criticise people for judging or not judging others as we don’t know their full story either as you quite rightly and readily point out.
I use the word judge in more of a co text of critically thinking for myself and use it to decide on what things I do or thoughts I have and such - like you associated that earlier with choices. W hi oxy I completely agree. Some people view judging as being purely a high horse thing. Some people judge it as being an insecure or ignorant thing and others view it as a moral compass by which they can try to achieve well behaved standards for themselves. And all the little balanced definitions in between so e of those possible bi aye extremes.
Like also in the case of you saying you disapprove of people’s lives but don’t judge. Which one is ok to do? Is it ok to disapprove or scorn but not ok to judge?
And again we’re back to what we even define these words as and if we define them on a binary or continuous or otherwise scale. Just food for thought also
"Damn fast typing mistakes | |||
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" So disapproving of how people’s lives would also be to scorn or look upon them with disdain if we were to use two other synonyms. I’m just being cheeky to highlight the murky waters between language like “disapprove of how they live” and judging. It’s a continuum rather than a binary (one is wrong and one is ok to do) Again you're kinda proving my point for me - nothing is ever one thing or the other. Neither "wrong" nor "right". Where people are concerned there's always layers and nuances. There's an infinite number of factors that go into a person's s thought and decision making process, let alone one that involves a second and third individual. So you are absolutely correct, I don't believe human behaviour can be reduced to a binary choice or sound bite, so I attempt (and yes I'm not always successful as I'm as messed up and as fallible as the next person) to not render judgement on others for their behaviours as I'm not qualified to do so. To have this blanket ban on a behaviour, "NO! It is ALWAYS WRONG! No matter what the circumstances!", seems kind reductionist to me....
You have good points there yes!
Very little is on a binary scale. Like I’ve said at the start, I don’t like the word “judging” to be associated negatively all the time. It’s not just a case of the word the action of judging being right or wrong. There are multiple interpretations of the word and not just a “good/bad thing to judge” definition of it.
So I wouldn’t readily criticise people for judging or not judging others as we don’t know their full story either as you quite rightly and readily point out.
I use the word judge in more of a co text of critically thinking for myself and use it to decide on what things I do or thoughts I have and such - like you associated that earlier with choices. W hi oxy I completely agree. Some people view judging as being purely a high horse thing. Some people judge it as being an insecure or ignorant thing and others view it as a moral compass by which they can try to achieve well behaved standards for themselves. And all the little balanced definitions in between so e of those possible bi aye extremes.
Like also in the case of you saying you disapprove of people’s lives but don’t judge. Which one is ok to do? Is it ok to disapprove or scorn but not ok to judge?
And again we’re back to what we even define these words as and if we define them on a binary or continuous or otherwise scale. Just food for thought also
"In regards to binary scale..... Did you know there are 10 kinds of people in this world, those who understand Binary code and those who don’t 
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" So disapproving of how people’s lives would also be to scorn or look upon them with disdain if we were to use two other synonyms. I’m just being cheeky to highlight the murky waters between language like “disapprove of how they live” and judging. It’s a continuum rather than a binary (one is wrong and one is ok to do) Again you're kinda proving my point for me - nothing is ever one thing or the other. Neither "wrong" nor "right". Where people are concerned there's always layers and nuances. There's an infinite number of factors that go into a person's s thought and decision making process, let alone one that involves a second and third individual. So you are absolutely correct, I don't believe human behaviour can be reduced to a binary choice or sound bite, so I attempt (and yes I'm not always successful as I'm as messed up and as fallible as the next person) to not render judgement on others for their behaviours as I'm not qualified to do so. To have this blanket ban on a behaviour, "NO! It is ALWAYS WRONG! No matter what the circumstances!", seems kind reductionist to me.... "Is it wrong if I walked up to you and hit you? Is it wrong to go behind your partners back and cheat on them? The answer to both is yes. Are you saying you'd be okay that I hit you and think "He could have hit me for an infinite number of factors". There is right and wrong in the world. As for judging people who are married on here, what does it actually matter? People judge everyone around them. Not one person can stand there and say they have never judged anyone whether it's because they cheat, how they dress, how they look and a million other reasons. People judge and always will. You mentioned in another comment about hotwifing, swinging, stag/vixen etc. These are things done together as a couple with both parties knowledge and can't be compared to someone sneaking off for a ride while their partner is unaware. | |||
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" Like also in the case of you saying you disapprove of people’s lives but don’t judge. Which one is ok to do? Is it ok to disapprove or scorn but not ok to judge? And again we’re back to what we even define these words as and if we define them on a binary or continuous or otherwise scale. Just food for thought also " I readily admit there's a very thin line between what I've laid out as "disapproval" and "judging", in retrospect it seems a poor choice of wording on my part. I will say that I don't disapprove of people's LIVES, I disapprove of their CHOICES. I can, quite confidently, say that on a surface level I feel instinctively that cheating on a partner is wrong, and that I can "disapprove" of same - however I can envisage circumstances werein it might be the lesser of two evils or might be justified. I think this is the crux of my position, my feelings on the matter are malleable and open to change. A judgment upon someone rarely is. There seems to be an attitude of branding here - he/she is a cheater and therefore we want nothing to do with them. Instead of he/she cheated once (or more) when going through a hard time. The former is definitive and air tight while the latter is a mistake made from a particular set of circumstances. In summation (phew!); I feel that I am in no position to render judgement on another human being's behaviour as I am as fallible and as prone to err as anyone else. I feel I cannot render a successful judgement on another's behaviour as I will never be privy to all of the relevant facts or circumstances. If others feel qualified to do so, then that's their call, I would however urge those people to maybe consider that their opinion is based on an incomplete knowledge of the situation, and as such might be lacking. I try to not be a judgemental person, I am not always successful. | |||
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" Is it wrong if I walked up to you and hit you? Is it wrong to go behind your partners back and cheat on them? The answer to both is yes. Are you saying you'd be okay that I hit you and think "He could have hit me for an infinite number of factors". There is right and wrong in the world. " (I've addressed your other comments in previous posts so I'll just address the quoted paragraph) I actually work in a profession werein it's my job to understand why people do things that are considered "wrong" - and I can absolutely 100% assure you that nobody simply randomly commits a violent act in a vacuum. There are no bad/evil people, there are bad/evil choices, usually commited by people suffering under their own form of untreated trauma. | |||
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" In regards to binary scale..... Did you know there are 10 kinds of people in this world, those who understand Binary code and those who don’t
"Bah dum tish! | |||
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"Ain't none o' my fucking business!
If you don't wanna screw married folk then that's your perogative, nobody's gonna beg you.
But no one, and I mean NO ONE, has the right to stand in judgement of anyone else's life or their choices...
You can form an opinion, but like religion and herpes, kindly keep it to yourself.
Just my two cents. "You mean just like you have kept your opinion to yourself? | |||
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" You mean just like you have kept your opinion to yourself? " Nah, like I said earlier - I rarely listen to my own good advice
Plus I've some very good friends on here whom are married... | |||
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"Lads cheating is cheating. Theres no real defence for it. When it's done it's done. If people don't want to meet married people that's 100% their choice and if they do its 100% their choice. If people don't want to meet attached people they're not judgemental, they just dont agree with it for any reason and if they do then that's fair too. Stop whining because some agree and some dont. Dont expect sympathy from everyone. This isn't aimed at anyone in particular btw. Except... It's ya know... Not. We don't exist in a black and white world and anyone who attempts to paint it in that monochrome sense either has a willful lack of imagination or a serious moral deficiency. Look around the site. Look at the dozens of variations of relationships - swinging, wife swapping, cuckolding, Hotwives, stags and vixens - etc. etc. Having an extra martial sexual partner can't simply be relegated to the notion of "cheating", that sort of pigeon holing is woefully simplistic, and unfortunately when you're dealing with people nothing is ever that clear cut." To be fair, all the other variations are with the consent of both partners. Cheating isn't. No opinion expressed there either! | |||
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" No opinion expressed there either!" Maybe read the entire thread before commenting | |||
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" No opinion expressed there either! Maybe read the entire thread before commenting "We have thanks. | |||
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" We have thanks." Excellent. You'll find my opinion expressed multiple times in the thread. And for someone who thinks I should have stopped before I even posted, I thank you for taking the time to read the entirety of the one hundred and thirty posts. Good for you! | |||
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" We have thanks. Excellent. You'll find my opinion expressed multiple times in the thread. And for someone who thinks I should have stopped before I even posted, I thank you for taking the time to read the entirety of the one hundred and thirty posts. Good for you! "Anytime. | |||
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" Like also in the case of you saying you disapprove of people’s lives but don’t judge. Which one is ok to do? Is it ok to disapprove or scorn but not ok to judge? And again we’re back to what we even define these words as and if we define them on a binary or continuous or otherwise scale. Just food for thought also I readily admit there's a very thin line between what I've laid out as "disapproval" and "judging", in retrospect it seems a poor choice of wording on my part. I will say that I don't disapprove of people's LIVES, I disapprove of their CHOICES. I can, quite confidently, say that on a surface level I feel instinctively that cheating on a partner is wrong, and that I can "disapprove" of same - however I can envisage circumstances werein it might be the lesser of two evils or might be justified. I think this is the crux of my position, my feelings on the matter are malleable and open to change. A judgment upon someone rarely is. There seems to be an attitude of branding here - he/she is a cheater and therefore we want nothing to do with them. Instead of he/she cheated once (or more) when going through a hard time. The former is definitive and air tight while the latter is a mistake made from a particular set of circumstances. In summation (phew!); I feel that I am in no position to render judgement on another human being's behaviour as I am as fallible and as prone to err as anyone else. I feel I cannot render a successful judgement on another's behaviour as I will never be privy to all of the relevant facts or circumstances. If others feel qualified to do so, then that's their call, I would however urge those people to maybe consider that their opinion is based on an incomplete knowledge of the situation, and as such might be lacking. I try to not be a judgemental person, I am not always successful. "Yes, basically it comes down to making a continual and on going effort to be a decent person which is never 100% achievable for anyone. | |||
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") Yes, basically it comes down to making a continual and on going effort to be a decent person which is never 100% achievable for anyone. " Pretty much. So we shouldn't judge those people who fall down occasionally in their endeavour to be decent people! Right?! | |||
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") Yes, basically it comes down to making a continual and on going effort to be a decent person which is never 100% achievable for anyone. Pretty much. So we shouldn't judge those people who fall down occasionally in their endeavour to be decent people! Right?! "one can be decent 99% of the time and a devil in the bedroom. Just my take. Live and let live | |||
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") Yes, basically it comes down to making a continual and on going effort to be a decent person which is never 100% achievable for anyone. Pretty much. So we shouldn't judge those people who fall down occasionally in their endeavour to be decent people! Right?! "Cheating once and learning from it can be part of relationship problems, and can be fixed if both partners work hard and learn from it. Cheating again is just selfish and disrespectful. | |||
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") Cheating again is just selfish and disrespectful. " So we've established that a once off cheat is acceptable then?! | |||
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") Yes, basically it comes down to making a continual and on going effort to be a decent person which is never 100% achievable for anyone. Pretty much. So we shouldn't judge those people who fall down occasionally in their endeavour to be decent people! Right?! "Are you telling me I shouldn’t? | |||
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")D Are you telling me I shouldn’t? "I'm asking friend, hence the question mark! | |||
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")D Are you telling me I shouldn’t?
I'm asking friend, hence the question mark! "Oh I stopped at the exclamation mark at the end of the sentence 
Agh enough teasing now. I’m stopping here | |||
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") Cheating again is just selfish and disrespectful. So we've established that a once off cheat is acceptable then?! "Not acceptable but possibly tolerated, if the cheat then admits what they have done to the unsuspecting partner. | |||
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