FabSwingers.com forum: Feeling down

By *ommando4 OP Man
over a year ago

South Co. Dublin

Last couple of months have hit me hard. Thankfully I’ve lived a full life to now and experienced more thank most...travel, orgies, professionals, sports. Whatevs the point ? Best years care behind me so it’s now a slow decline into the crematorium. I’m blessed with 3 great kids. What’s the point of life ? Why continue? Can’t see the attraction. Is it better to enjoy life to the fullest and burn out an die or follow the slow painful 30 year decent into the grave....loosing physical and mental ability (and teeth and hair !!) and end up dribbling band pottering around an old folks home. Not sure what to do but the former seems much more logical. Discuss

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By *ommando4 OP Man
over a year ago

South Co. Dublin

Lots of typos and spelling mistakes above.Excuse the fat fingers

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By *og-ManMan
over a year ago

somewhere

"Last couple of months have hit me hard. Thankfully I’ve lived a full life to now and experienced more thank most...travel, orgies, professionals, sports. Whatevs the point ? Best years care behind me so it’s now a slow decline into the crematorium. I’m blessed with 3 great kids. What’s the point of life ? Why continue? Can’t see the attraction. Is it better to enjoy life to the fullest and burn out an die or follow the slow painful 30 year decent into the grave....loosing physical and mental ability (and teeth and hair !!) and end up dribbling band pottering around an old folks home. Not sure what to do but the former seems much more logical. Discuss

I presume its a general discussion and not a cry for help.

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By *rmrs1234Couple
over a year ago

Waterford

Live life to the fullest you can is what we intend to do. After a shock diagnosis and passing of someone very close to us last year we decided we werent sitting on our butts waiting for things to happen. I have every intention of growing old disgracefully and far as i can see you have plenty more left in you

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Lockdown has made me realise how little I've lived and experienced and how many people are just takers.

Looking forward to making up for it

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By *allySlinkyWoman
over a year ago

Leeds

My husband died age 50

I was 46. We had been married 25 years. It made me realise that life is for living. I started swinging and have also had lots of brilliant holidays all over the world. Don't give up. You are never to old to have fun.

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By *avana_oh_na_naWoman
over a year ago

Dublin

I think if youre feeling like "not continuing " with life, you should seek out some help. Life has ups and downs but there are always more good times to be had, you just have to stick around for them.

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By *NawtyCplCouple
over a year ago

Around and about

Hope ur doing ok OP,.last few months have affected us all in different ways but u just never know what amazing experience and people are out there. Its ok yo be not ok, reach out to someone if you need too, there is help to be had and a life to be lived

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Lots of typos and spelling mistakes above.Excuse the fat fingers"

Go to the gym get a goal for yourself, it may help you out abit. Also this feeling if not wanting to be here is only a thought. Definitely seek a professional to speak to if your getting this feeling quite regular. OP lockdown has broke the cycle of life for everyone but we are slowly getting back on track. Just remember you are the only one in charge of your own happiness

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Buddy, if you’re typing that stuff you really need to talk to a professional. This place is anonymous and it’s great to speak truth in a certain kind of way. That post should tell you to seek help, don’t leave it. Good luck!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Life can be very difficult at times and you can end up in a very dark place and alone. Please reach out to someone...preferably a professional. I once contemplated suicide but the only thing that stopped me was that I didn’t want to hurt my elderly parents.

Please feel free to PM me and we can chat by text. I am very discreet and a good listener.

I wish you best of luck whatever you decide to do.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Shiver me timbers Dutch, Kaizer sincerely hopes you're okay. Its good to talk and get things off your chest.

Surround yourself with good people and positive things that make you smile

Godspeed

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By *rinibooWoman
over a year ago

clare

My husband died at 39 I was only 31 we were married 18month. He missed the birth of his little girl. He had a double lung and heart transplant . And was told he wouldn’t live pass age 7 . When we met we went on holiday abroad which he had never done . We used to be gone to car shows every weekend . His health got worse but he didn’t let it stop him . O2 hooked up we went on our final road trip with our little boy to Disney on ice . That was 5 years ago . I found fab over a year ago I love my weekends away to meets .

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By *anFromMarsMan
over a year ago

North

Living life to the fullest and doing what makes you happy doesn't burn you out it's the everyday demands of work and family commitments that wares you down mentally and physically and life is way more demanding these days. I could spout on about work life balance and making time for yourself to do what you get a buzz from but most people know these actually achieving a good work life balance with the demands of modern life is a whole other story.

Just make that time when I can is what I do, life goes through phases when time to do what makes you happy is plentiful or scarce so just seize the time when you get it. As for me age is a state of mind, my next mile stone is 50! A few years off yet but a scary thought yet I am not concerned about it. I eat right, keep myself fit and still do things a lot of 20 year olds would shit themselves contemplating.

Last few months have been tough on everyone, I have a couple of close friends I confide in and do the same for them when they need to and find it really helps

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By *ustBoWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in Co. Down

I think the last few months have hit a lot of people hard. If you are feeling that low C4 you really do need to speak to someone.

Life doesn't begin to lose value just because you get older. Life can get better. Especially if you decide to change things for the better. I wasted most of my 30s and early 40s just existing. It's in the last year I decided to make changes and I have no intention of going back to that. I intend to enjoy life from now on.We can't change somethings but we can make the best of what we have.

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By *rotic desiresWoman
over a year ago

Here and there

I'm sorry to hear that you are feeling down OP! I can imagine that the restrictions put in place have brought up many a thought process with life falling out of routine and possibly more time for thought processes which may have been pushed to the back of the mind when things were different, or "better".

You show gratitude in being thankful for the fulfilled life you have quite obviously lived to date. That shows a certain mindfulness and awareness! This is a great way to start tackling any issues you may have productively.

It sounds like there's a fear of growing old, losing physical health, stamina, looks and deteriorating in general, yet you are obviously physically in great shape! And I'm sure that will stand to you!

I doubt that your best years are behind you. Maybe this is a time to reflect, sit back, re-evaluate and set new goals. I do agree with other replies with seeking help from a professional, someone who can guide you through your fears of aging, which I am sure are perfectly normal at certain points in life! Also do remember that you have 3 beautiful children and obviously are a family man. Think about how devastated they would be at losing their father, never mind that I am sure you are also a great son, brother, cousin, friend, colleague etc... and I'm sure you would love to see your children growing to their full potential and moving through life with you as part of their support network! I'm not trying to guilt you into anything, but I do believe that, just because you have hit a certain age or point in life that there's nothing left to live for! Quite the opposite, the world is your oyster, explore it further, find new interests, hobbies and passions, with the help of a professional if need be! Reach out as you have done here as there are always options!

You are very welcome to mail me anytime, for a listening ear. I have been at rock bottom and know what it's like to have the thoughts you are voicing! If it helps to chat, to feel heard, understood, valued and appreciated, please don't be a stranger!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Come here to me and I’ll give ya a cuddle a coffee and a chat. You know my door is open day and night to you.. let’s walk and talk it out anytime .

You have so much to do and give and even more fun ahead. Xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm pretty sure if the op was that upset a few spelling mistakes would not bother him.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’ve been through the same, still there I guess, have held back because I’m trying to please everyone except me, my best friend pointed it out to be last week that I better go do the things I always talk about because I’ll regret it if I don’t. Just afraid to leave my dad incase anything happens to him

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’ve never partied or anything, had a good career but never got to enjoy it, when I wanted to change things people always made me feel bad for wanting to do so, I’ve had so many chances to go to America for good jobs and careers. Another one has come up but I can’t say no this time. Life is for living!

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By *og-ManMan
over a year ago

somewhere

"I'm pretty sure if the op was that upset a few spelling mistakes would not bother him."

Hidden profile....wonder why

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm pretty sure if the op was that upset a few spelling mistakes would not bother him.

Hidden profile....wonder why "
Reason my profile is hidden is because I'm not meeting anyone at the moment. But if it bothers you about hidden profiles you will find the o.p has his hidden as well.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I’ve never partied or anything, had a good career but never got to enjoy it, when I wanted to change things people always made me feel bad for wanting to do so, I’ve had so many chances to go to America for good jobs and careers. Another one has come up but I can’t say no this time. Life is for living!"

Go for it. What's in the past is in the past. Im sure a lot of us have regrets about things we didn't do, I know I have but life takes us certain paths for whatever reason and it's up to us to change the path we are on. Life is short and covid has hopefully opened people's eyes to the important things. If you ask anyone you know what they missed during lockdown majority will say family and friends.

Good luck with whatever decision you make

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By *B 4099Man
over a year ago

North West, Outer Letterkenny area

Plus OP

Think of all the shit you can get away with when you are old, shouting at crows and watching the bins.. not mad, eccentric, pushing straight to the front of a queue ..not rude he's earned it, saying anything you feel like and not giving zero fucks...going for a pint at 10:30 am ah sure he's doing nobody any harm. Lot of positives OP, plus probably grandkids... get to give them back at the end of the day. Lots to enjoy . In all sincerity hope you are OK buddy.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 10/07/20 22:14:54]

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By *ouple 0073Couple
over a year ago

donegal

Hope you feel better op this happens to alot of us.. Remember some days are diamonds and some days are stones x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Echoing the kind and sound thoughts above op, I'm close to someone who struggles with challenges commonly categorized as 'mental health'. The staff of the HSE are truly angels sent from heaven. Really! The worse things seem the more likely it is they will seem better soon. Take care op!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

OP this is pretty deepseated and has be simmering way before lockdown. I'm amazed at what you've written. You need professional help and you need to reassess pal.

You come across as pretty shallow and self centred. No one is Peter Pan in this world. Clearly you're in great shape. What's not to look forward to? you say you have 3 wonderful kids, do they not come into it at all? Do you not want to be the dad that they want and need to have around when they have doubts about themselves or about life? To see and be there for any potential grandchildren?

You seem to have packed a lot in to your life already and your life experience will be invaluable to them when they need a shoulder to lean on. I'm sorry but you really need to be realistic here and reassess what really matters in life. Orgies?? Really? Over your kids and being there for their future?

I hope you seek professional help as soon as possible, if you get your act together you've go everything to look forward to. Grow old gracefully.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Life is THE most precious gift. So what we can no longer do the things we did when we were younger. In a way that’s a release, it gives us the opportunity to do so many other things. I find I have even less time to do the new things I want to try. Some I find I enjoy some not so much some I am useless at and some I excel at. It does not really matter it’s the discovery that is so wonderful. My latest venture, Bee Keeping is giving me a great buzz, pardon the pun.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

C4, hit me up for a chat anytime big man.

Cathal from the group.

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By *omm000161Man
over a year ago

dublin

OP, well done for posting so honestly. That's not easy.

Sometimes kids and family, important as they are, just are not enough. Right now you need to look after yourself. Talk to your doctor about what the is best help for you. Reach out to friends, that's what they are there for!

I was were you are now 7 years ago. It will get better.

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By *ellable4itMan
over a year ago

Nostalgia and Pessimism, you will never meet a worse couple than those two on this site. Looking back how many of those days would you really like to relive without changing a single thing? Leaving out the birth of the kids(I'd hope) not that many. They would not be the once in a lifetime experiences that way. The reason for doing them is they were going to be once in a lifetime opportunities that you took. They may not even be ones you remember in 20years time because you had bigger and better ones since then. But you won't know that unless you give yourself the opportunity of possibly doing them.

What makes you so sure you are going to go into decline from now? At 39 now I'm in the best shape since my 20's and training for my first ever MMA fight and absolutely living for that. I wouldnt have imagined that three years ago never mind nine years ago. All because I gave myself the opportunity to. Whats to say living life to the fullest does exactly the thing you want to avoid? What if burning out ends with you not dying but developing some problem that leaves your family having to take care of you for years to come as you slowly fade away and drag them with you.

Have you thought that you could continue having a great life and experiences even as you get older? You are not were blessed with three kids. They were/are/always will be the greatest/worse/proudest/embarrassing/heartbreaking/loved like you could never explain experience of all. Those kids would do things they have never even heard of yet in their lives if it meant you would stay in theirs as long as possible.

Since covid, I have left my partner of 14years, mother of my two kids, a house we both worked hard for years to get and I only spent two years in it. I changed jobs, a very good job I could have had for life. Took two weeks holidays before new job only for the country to shut down. I am now renting a small but nice place in a unreal surrounding for the same amount as mortgage and all bills combined from last house, plus still paying the same things I was will living there.

Here is the reason why. One smile or look from just one of my kids is enough to make every single problem in the world go away in that instant and nothing else you have done or will do can beat that, you even know this yourself already.

I have gone through the loss of one of my best friends, a father himself to unnatural cause. It is not pleasant from anybodies perspective. I am of the mind set that they would have to bury me Ten times over because I'd keep coming back rather than leave my kids without their father.

Hopefully this helped but more so I hope you may have taken the first proper steps to deal with it by posting like you have. Sometimes its better to talk to stranger or professional because there is no preconceived notions.

You see just from here how many people who you may not know are offering their help. That includes me if you want to reach out. Whats the BEST that could happen my soon to be future friend? Park any ego or pride that's fucking useless anyway and send up the flare, people will come running I promise.

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By *osmicGateMan
over a year ago

louth

another lost soul..have you considered religion as an escape ..millions of people use religion as a crutch as a way of giving their existance a meaning

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By *ilthyNightsCouple
over a year ago

East / North, Cork

For me it would be ALL about those kids. Don't you want to see them grow up and see the people they become. To see them get married, to see them go through the trials that we all go through and be there for them throughout all that time. To see grandkids, and watch the whole cycle start again. To spread love and happiness in their lives and watch them blossom and spread love themselves. That's your legacy and the only real and lasting thing that will be left once you're gone.

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By *r tayt2Man
over a year ago

Trim

You made it this far

You still have loads of life left after lockdown Is just a new Chapter

And unless your kids start buying you zip up boots then your grand loads of life inya

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Best of luck with the new job and the new path. Wise words

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hi dude.. go see a counsellor.. it will do you world of good to talk to someone impartial and non judgmental.. it helped me a lot a few years ago..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Been there done that i almost suceeded in ending my life , but here i am 4 years later . my counciler was brilliant and its not all ...there there your gonna be ok .. I got some shock revelations on how selfish suicide was . you have 3 kids ... What would they think .. And the percentage of them doing the same thing as you goes way up .. Because when they hit hard times they think well if it was good enough for dad its good enough for me .. How would you feel about their death following your example . and thats only one example. . at the time i seen no way out . but now i realise i made some very hard diceisions ,, ways i would never had thought of ...in other words there is ways out but you just cant see them . suicide is a permanent solution to a tempory situation . i see that now .. Someone else said you are in charge of your happiness .. . its only all downhill if you let it be . or you can choose to get up and find a new goal find a new hobby find a new sport ect ect .. Im really sorry for being blunt . but thats how it was put over to me .... Talk to me anytime .. But i wont just sit there with a cup of coffee ill have ya climbin mountains lol . chin up we love ya bro

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By *ellable4itMan
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 11/07/20 13:44:58]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Great advice & sharing , you are never alone...just reach out & ask...also consider the counsellor advice...but remember life is for living, the future is not guaranteed, life is for living & you will be missed by kids & family...choose life warts & all

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sincerely hope OP that you seek some professional to talk to. A lot of people have re evaluated their relationships during lockdown and if you feel it's not working for you then be brave and make the move. Staying together for kids is never a solution in the long run. You can still have a good relationship with them but if you're happier in your self then that will be more beneficial to them in the long run. Maybe a career change could re ignite your spark if your missing that. Sexual relationships are only a small part of people's lives, not the b all and end all. I'd personally think of what's ahead in life with my children and how I could support them and be their biggest cheerleader.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hope all is well op, I'm far from a doctor by all means, but one or two simple things can help get yer mojo back, No Alcohol seems obvious but it's a hure on the head

And number 2 go for a walk or a run whichever you can handle, its amazing the endorphins released after a good walk/run

Fresh air is the business!!

Just my opinion, keep the head up

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"For me it would be ALL about those kids. Don't you want to see them grow up and see the people they become. To see them get married, to see them go through the trials that we all go through and be there for them throughout all that time. To see grandkids, and watch the whole cycle start again. To spread love and happiness in their lives and watch them blossom and spread love themselves. That's your legacy and the only real and lasting thing that will be left once you're gone. "

Wise words from a solid person over there in Rast Cork. It's not always a rosy path all the slings and arrows that can come at you through life. It's when it becomes too much wisdom of others from another view point can help see the wood from a stress and be a idea spark to lift out of whatever the situation is. Surrounding oneself with positive people, a trusted friend or support from genuine caring support on this forum within the Fab world am sure helps. Take care, chin up be positive things can come right over time.

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By *igBlondeDommeWoman
over a year ago

middle of nowhere

Hope you're feeling better today C4. X

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Jesus, I hope I'm in as great shape as you are when I'm "in the slow decline to the crematorium". Or even now for that matter!

I hope you're doing better today.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"My husband died at 39 I was only 31 we were married 18month. He missed the birth of his little girl. He had a double lung and heart transplant . And was told he wouldn’t live pass age 7 . When we met we went on holiday abroad which he had never done . We used to be gone to car shows every weekend . His health got worse but he didn’t let it stop him . O2 hooked up we went on our final road trip with our little boy to Disney on ice . That was 5 years ago . I found fab over a year ago I love my weekends away to meets . "

I know u didn’t post that for sympathy and very very few things can touch me but ur post gave me a knot in my stomach and an ache in my head. That’s one of the saddest things I’ve heard in a long long time.

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By *eebawMan
over a year ago

Life trows us ups and downs and sometimes more downs that ups. I’ve battled depression and anxiety the past few years and spent times in hospital over it because I wanted to end things. But the past few months after a hospital visit and with lockdown. I’ve came to realise that life is worth so much more friends, family, activities, seeing new things meeting new people. It’s so easy to get caught up in the negative and forgot what the positives are. And the more negative we think the more negative we see. It’s tough but taking each day at a time and focusing on the hear and now rather than the past or the future. We can’t control either other than the present monent.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

another lost soul..have you considered religion as an escape ..millions of people use religion as a crutch as a way of giving their existance a meaning

Religion is a poison.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"
I would like to take this opportunity to apologise to you for a post where I made a comment about you not been to upset because you corrected spelling and grammar mistakes on your thread .It was inconsiderate of me and not very helpful again I apologise. As I have now apologised would the people sending those abusive pm please stop and let me get on with my fab experience thank you.

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By *exyDownUnderWoman
over a year ago

Westmeath

You are not alone in this OP. It's good to talk with someone who is genuine and listens.

I hope you are feeling better today. My advice which I use myself, is take it one day at a time x

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