FabSwingers.com forum: Narcissistic people

By *andydevine OP Man
over a year ago

sligo

Have people experience of such people or how do you know if someone you have been seeing is one.

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By *jallMan
over a year ago

Cork/Sligo

Rosy is spot on, Randy

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By *aradisecircusMan
over a year ago

Derry

There's a dude on YouTube ... HG Tudor he's called ... Gives a lot of insight into narcissistic behaviour

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By *irewolffMan
over a year ago

Dublin

Was married to one for 18yrs. Didnt realise he was one until about 4/5 yrs before I found out he was having an affair.

No empathy, all about him, ruined family/my special events as it wasnt about him, financial control, emotional abuse, called me crazy, emotionally unavailable....I could go on.

He didnt show his real true covert narc personality until I told him I wasnt taking him back. I wanted a seperation. Cue the real man he was revealed.

I shouldnt have ignored the flags. Its a nightmare still.....

MsD

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By *etergemmaCouple
over a year ago

South Dublin Area

Fuck thats sounds awful.

FairPlay to yis for getting away.

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By *irewolffMan
over a year ago

Dublin

"Fuck thats sounds awful.

FairPlay to yis for getting away."

I walked out of the family home with our 2 kids last Nov. I had had enough. He refused to move out and was just there to further abuse me and break me down. He breached my safety order against him 5 times, tried to run me off the road in his car being the most serious.

They can be very dangerous unpredictale individuals.

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By *ornyfireCouple
over a year ago

Middle Earth

He sounds horrendous Dubtwo, good on you both for getting out of such horrible relationships. It must have been so hard with kids involved.

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By *irewolffMan
over a year ago

Dublin

"He sounds horrendous Dubtwo, good on you both for getting out of such horrible relationships. It must have been so hard with kids involved. "

Thanks xx The depth of evil in him knows no bounds. Its shocking.

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By *irewolffMan
over a year ago

Dublin

I would love to give a master class on what to look out for. I am seriously considering writing a book on it....you couldnt make some of the sh!t up!

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By *irewolffMan
over a year ago

Dublin

Look out for love bombing too or them talking about this great life ye can have together very soon after meeting. Or moving too fast.

They prey on loyal, empathetic people.

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By *andydevine OP Man
over a year ago

sligo

Wow, it's got way more of a reaction then I was expecting. It's a scary thing.

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By *r_mrs_studmuffinCouple
over a year ago

narnia

Could also write a book luckily I seen him for what he was.. Thankfully I went on to meet my new husband who is a good man xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just our imput here.. Both from domineering past relationships.. It takes a lot of courage to leave the family home.. But the history of everything drives one on to a better life of happiness. It worked for us.. Never be afraid of the future..

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By *ooljoeMan
over a year ago

Harrogate

Narcissists are just evils looking for people to destroy.The tell alot of lies,manipulative and can never be trusted.Forgive them coz they're sick,but never waste your time hanging around as the will never change and all the got to offer is grief or sorrow.

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By *jallMan
over a year ago

Cork/Sligo

Well said you, best advice

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By *jallMan
over a year ago

Cork/Sligo

Everything everyone says here is true.

When you finally realise what they are, it's more than half the battle, and you can recover, rather than question the v essence of your soul. I was there, it's like slowly but surely hauling yourself out of the quicksand. Never give up

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By *jallMan
over a year ago

Cork/Sligo

Brave people, Warriors Always remember that.

When you can control the triggers they sneakily throw at you, your stress levels go way down, cortisol levels and the constant fight or flight reaction are a lot more manageable

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By *irewolffMan
over a year ago

Dublin

True words folks.

Glad you all got away from the narc in your lives & have moved forwards. The reek havoc in your life, I am still desperately trying to seperate from mine but he told me he isnt going down without a fight, which is what I am getting. A wounded ego is a narc is a dangerous thing. One day.....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"True words folks.

I’d be here all day with my experiences but I read everyone off them mails unfortunately I have a 2 year old with s girl that has pretty much every trate mention’d on ur tread op !!! And that rock method ha which I use to call ignore but na I’m taking that saying haha

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By *irewolffMan
over a year ago

Dublin

Gray rock drives them mad!!! Do not react to anything they throw at you....it gives them power.

The best revenge you can give them is you moving on & being happy. My ex wanted me miserable, at home in my tracksuit, trapped. He wasnt banking on me meeting MrD & buying all new lingerie & sex toys...which he knows about as the petty fecker highlighted them all in my vouching!

Move on & never look back.

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By *andydevine OP Man
over a year ago

sligo

Thank you everyone, it's good to know il not alone. It's been tough. They really strip you down but I'm on the other side of it now. Shes flaunting her new source and even brought him into my work. The grey rock method will definitely help, managing the triggers can be difficult.

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By *irewolffMan
over a year ago

Dublin

"Thank you everyone, it's good to know il not alone. It's been tough. They really strip you down but I'm on the other side of it now. Shes flaunting her new source and even brought him into my work. The grey rock method will definitely help, managing the triggers can be difficult. "

New supply?? Poor fucker. Be thankful its not you.

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By *irewolffMan
over a year ago

Dublin

Haha love it Rosy. So true. I called my ex a bully last Nov and he didnt have anything to say back to me.

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By *andydevine OP Man
over a year ago

sligo

It's tough. I just feel really let down and disappointed, letting go is proving hard to do. I know I'm lucky to have escaped it. I don't miss the manipulation, cold shoulders gas lighting and emotion abuse but I do miss the person I taught she was at the start but I guess that's love bombing. It's been an eye opener and in time I'm sure il be a better person for it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My father is a narcissist, only now at 32 realising how much he held us all back and ruined our childhoods with control, manipulation abuse and anger. I had to cut ties with father and brother(his protege) a few years ago and my life And mental health has drastically improved.

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By *og-ManMan
over a year ago

somewhere

Don't want to discuss my details but just want to say thanks to op for starting this thread and to all the people that had to go through the shit to explain it.

Thanks

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By *rmrs1234Couple
over a year ago

Waterford

"My father is a narcissist, only now at 32 realising how much he held us all back and ruined our childhoods with control, manipulation abuse and anger. I had to cut ties with father and brother(his protege) a few years ago and my life And mental health has drastically improved. "

Same boat only it was my mother. She did the same.

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By *ukrecjaWoman
over a year ago

Balbriggan

I highly recommend to check you tube for guidance. There is loads of information about it there.

Check Dr. Ramani. And Stephanie Lyn coaching those are good channels. Good luck

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By *etmebeurfantasyWoman
over a year ago

My town

The reason I moved here after being in a relationship on and off from when I was 16 ... me and the two kids took the plunge...... only last week my daughter gave him his fortune told him some home truths..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I was in a relationship for six year didnt see it until one day when I had a very bad day in work in which a teenager passed away. She wouldnt let me talk about it. She just wanted to talk about herself and her day in work! She was a teacher!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I am frequently forced to work with those narcissistic tendancies and this always rings true;

Narcissist's Prayer

That didn't happen.

And if it did, it wasn't that bad.

And if it was, that's not a big deal.

And if it is, it is not my fault.

And if it was, I didn't mean it.

And if I did.

You deserved it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’m going through a divorce against one at the minute.

I find not speaking at all to her and only correspondence in writing helps. On the days when there is a difference of opinion, get your frustration out by using exercise and push yourself so hard in the gym you actually forget about the type of person you have to deal with.

Hiking is also great to get away from it all.

Most importantly, stay calm and don’t get sucked in by them.

If there are kids involved, unfortunately you will have to deal with her for a long time as is the case with myself.

When the divorce is over, I’m going to have a party

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By *olm_irishMan
over a year ago

Clonee

Hats off to all of you who have had to deal with these people and come out the other side. I didn’t have a name for it, till now..but I went out with a girl with all of these treats. Please please never be afraid to talk. Live is precious and can be, no sorry, IS great! Nite all xx

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By *iery minxWoman
over a year ago

kildare

I could certainly write a book about the experiences i had but that would feed into his self importance and that is not something i have any want or need to do.

It is horrible how they manipulate you and do their best to convince you that it is infact you that has the issues not them.

Having kids is the worst part because it really affects them but that changes quickly enough when they don't have to deal with the bad behaviour that they had witnessed in the past.

Happy to say we got out,still dealing with it to an extent because of the kids but its very minimal contact.

So to all who have lived it and got out of it kudos to you,we survived it and will continue to so for our kids to be able to grow up happy and in a stable loving home

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Have people experience of such people or how do you know if someone you have been seeing is one."

Yup..very easy to spot them once you know what one is ...the worst kind ...they're NEVER wrong in anything they do and critisize everyone else all the time ...best avoided at ALL costs.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Have people experience of such people or how do you know if someone you have been seeing is one.

Yup..very easy to spot them once you know what one is ...the worst kind ...they're NEVER wrong in anything they do and critisize everyone else all the time ...best avoided at ALL costs."

Yeah, there is zero talking to them. Your only option is to cut them out of your life completely and seize all communication.

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By *aturefun2Couple
over a year ago

Lisburn

They will always pretend to be something else at the start of any relationship.To them its a game of capture the latest victim, you will be the most wonderful person they have ever met and the only person that really understands them.

At some point when they own you it all changes, You will spend long periods trying to make it better, after all its your fault things are no longer special.

Truth is you been had by a sick individual and they've already started on their next victim. get out and don't look back.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I’m going through a divorce against one at the minute.

Hiking is also great to get away from it all.

Most importantly, stay calm and don’t get sucked in by them.

If there are kids involved, unfortunately you will have to deal with her for a long time as is the case with myself.

When the divorce is over, I’m going to have a party

Definitely mate !

But women hold grudges like no other !

Your right I’m in the same situation but we weren’t married but I’ve learned never to rise to the madness no matter how deep she try’s to cut !

The less you care and take the bullshit on the chin your winning !

Enjoy the party sounds like you deserve it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's pretty easy to spot once you are aware of the signs. But it takes time sometimes. Also, it's important your own self-esteem is good so you know its not your fault. They typically are totally selfish and take from people all the time, lack any kind of sensitivity and empathy for other people and see nothing wrong with their behaviour.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I was with a girl for a long time, everyday from morning to night I made sure to complement her, never put her down even when she put weight on or had a bad day I made sure to make her feel good yet I never got anything like that in return, when I was injured in hospital was told there nothing wrong with me stop lying there, wasn’t aloud to go out yet she went out all the time. Belittle me, talked over me contradicted everything I said and said I was the one that did it, made me out to be the bad guy, lost my friends because of her. Yet when she was out with her friends everyone thought how lovely she was, when she was home she do nothing but put me down and if made dinner was made to feel like I had to bow down to her, wouldn’t clean her clothes or do anything. I do it all. I just got up one day and left, I had enough. Maybe she way just a bully, had to block her number. Still feel a bit deflated sometimes but getting better, think that’s why I love to be a Dom in the bedroom. I’m getting back on my feet now thank god. That’s not how you should go through life

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By *oo32Man
over a year ago

tipperary

Lies...lies...lies

Manipulation

Fantasist

Has to get their own way all the time

They'll twist every word you say

Get away from them now,

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Its amazing reading on this thread. I have met a couple of people who fit into this bracket but didnt realise until now. Great post OP.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Have people experience of such people or how do you know if someone you have been seeing is one.

Yup..very easy to spot them once you know what one is ...the worst kind ...they're NEVER wrong in anything they do and critisize everyone else all the time ...best avoided at ALL costs.

Yeah, there is zero talking to them. Your only option is to cut them out of your life completely and seize all communication."

Absolutely spot on my friend..you hit the nail on the head ..once you do that you find there is just so much more emotional and mental freedom ,as in you don't have to worry about meeting or bumping into them and feel you have to humour or pacify them or listen to them ..and that is just absolutely priceless...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

New supply?? Poor fucker. Be thankful its not you.

It takes practice because you are so tempted to call them out on their bullshit. But after a while it will help you feel like you have more control when dealing with the toxic person in your life, because they will no longer see you as someone they can use and manipulate.

This is the goal of gray rock Become so inconsequential and boring , the abuser looks right past you in search of someone who will get sucked into their vortex of arguing and heightened emotions

When I deal with my ex I go to my happy place and say yes no maybe as I think of the last hot threesome I had

great stuff Rosie.. AWESOME...way ta go lady ..you ROCK !! and would love to know when you're having your next hot 3sum..just saying..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Lies...lies...lies

Manipulation

Fantasist

Has to get their own way all the time

They'll twist every word you say

Get away from them now,"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Lies...lies...lies

Manipulation

Fantasist

Has to get their own way all the time

They'll twist every word you say

Get away from them now,"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I am frequently forced to work with those narcissistic tendancies and this always rings true;

Narcissist's Prayer

That didn't happen.

And if it did, it wasn't that bad.

And if it was, that's not a big deal.

And if it is, it is not my fault.

And if it was, I didn't mean it.

And if I did.

You deserved it."

So very true. And god help you if you speak up for yourself against them. They will punish you by giving you the silent treatment for days. They can out sulk a toddler!

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By *irewolffMan
over a year ago

Dublin

"I am frequently forced to work with those narcissistic tendancies and this always rings true;

Narcissist's Prayer

That didn't happen.

And if it did, it wasn't that bad.

And if it was, that's not a big deal.

And if it is, it is not my fault.

And if it was, I didn't mean it.

And if I did.

You deserved it.

So very true. And god help you if you speak up for yourself against them. They will punish you by giving you the silent treatment for days. They can out sulk a toddler! "

I am being punished by him because I didnt take back a cheater. He is angry with me. They never self reflect or take responsibility.

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By *easingTimMan
over a year ago

Loughlinstown

The currency of every Narcissist is "attention"

Take that away from them and you have the upper hand

to a certain point. If you have a Narcissist as a boss

it's possible to handle them but if you have one as a husband

or wife

...then Lord help you

At least in this day and age, there's more information out there on Narcissism, Sociopathy and psychopathy. Thread carefully with any and all of the above

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By *aid backMan
over a year ago

by a lake with my rod out

other personality disorders are just as bad BPD, and Historonic are just as prevalent.

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By *elfastSteamWhistleMan
over a year ago

bangor

Reading some of these stories was like looking at my own life from 2010-2017. I was Gaslit so badly that my memories between 2015-17 are unreliable. I ended up with mild PTSD, had a break down and came very close to losing my job.

When it all ended I still thought it was my fault, spent a good 18 months trying to fix it trying to be "better," it's kind of embarrasing in a way.

2019 was my recovery year, I didn't drive myself forward just steadied the ship so to speak, 2020 despite the world going to shit has been the first year in ages that I've actually developed as a man.

Hang in there folks, there is a better life for you.

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By *than KlitzMan
over a year ago

south

The word narcissist is a cop out also claiming its an illness is letting them off the hook..theres no cure for being an asshole to people..its a concious choice they make. Im empathic and spent 2 years with a Narcissistic woman...the things she did to me and my family and friends was just pure evil and controlling and calculated..make no mistake a Narcissist is a Self absorbed person and they should be made wear a plaque around their neck for nice people to see and avoid like the plague..they never change and are only nice in the lovebombing stage..After that once they get under your skin its downhill from there..like a black run with ice...You need to pull the plug on their madness and get away from them and cut all contact..there is no happy ending with them..they dont change..so dont feel sorry for them or try to understand their lies and stonewalling or gaslamping. They are energy Vampires and will kill your soul if you let them..Run as fast as can away from them.. Thats my twopence worth!

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By *jallMan
over a year ago

Cork/Sligo

"I am frequently forced to work with those narcissistic tendancies and this always rings true;

Narcissist's Prayer

That didn't happen.

And if it did, it wasn't that bad.

And if it was, that's not a big deal.

And if it is, it is not my fault.

And if it was, I didn't mean it.

And if I did.

You deserved it."

100%

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By *antra MassageMan
over a year ago

South Side.

"The word narcissist is a cop out also claiming its an illness is letting them off the hook..theres no cure for being an asshole to people..its a concious choice they make. Im empathic and spent 2 years with a Narcissistic woman...the things she did to me and my family and friends was just pure evil and controlling and calculated..make no mistake a Narcissist is a Self absorbed person and they should be made wear a plaque around their neck for nice people to see and avoid like the plague..they never change and are only nice in the lovebombing stage..After that once they get under your skin its downhill from there..like a black run with ice...You need to pull the plug on their madness and get away from them and cut all contact..there is no happy ending with them..they dont change..so dont feel sorry for them or try to understand their lies and stonewalling or gaslamping. They are energy Vampires and will kill your soul if you let them..Run as fast as can away from them.. Thats my twopence worth! "

Sounds like a Psychopaths personality too.

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By *adylaceWoman
over a year ago

Waterford City

I dated a narcissist a few years ago and he's the very reason that I have absolutely no interest in a relationship today. It wasn't until I got away from him and got perspective that I realised just how bad he was. Couldn't see it while I was in it.

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By *hatshisname23Man
over a year ago

Trianglation when they turn your friends and family against you. ghosting when they tell you your reality and what you saw or heard never happened .these are just a few other antics they do

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've been dating with a paranoid one a few years back. It was long before I went onto this as i dont do nor like adultery. She Always wanting to see my texts and didnt want me texting anyone she deemed "pretty" like relatives or co-workers, didnt want me to pursue my career ambitions and generally tried to control my life.

Behind my back, she told a friend (who's strictly lesbian) to stay away from me as she was worried something was up.

Yet it turns out she was seeing her ex, even texting him when we went out for new years eve. I found this out during the peak of college and when a family member nearly died from a heart related illness.

She then tried to manipulate the stress i had, saying i didnt love her and that i shouldnt get jealous in future etc.

Long story short, we called it off. But then i heard her spreading rumours about me so i blocked her. Afterwards i avoided long term relationships.

Sorry for the length of my tale.

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By *osmicGateMan
over a year ago

louth

Reading these stories I'm glad I'm single.. Some amount of nutjobs out there

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

And that my friend as they say is the truth..the whole truth and nothing but the truth....plus in their eyes they're NEVER wrong and NEVER... EVER ..feel they have to apologize over anything ..

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By *ealitybitesMan
over a year ago

Belfast

I've known lots of people over the years who could be tagged as narcissistic and many who have been in relationships with them.

The one thing I've always found however is that in very many cases those who accuse a partner of being a narcissist tend to make those accusations every time you speak to them.

They bring it up in every conversation and insist on telling you how they are the victim even years after the relationship ended.

I've known people who continue to stalk their exes social media accounts even when they've moved on and are in a new relationship Their obsession with the former narcissistic partner then becomes the reason the new relationship breaks down.

In general conversation they have virtually no interest in what others may have to say on any given topic because they are waiting to jump in with their latest accusation aimed at someone not even in the room.

All too often I've found that some people who have been in toxic relationships become the very person they accuse others of being.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

One of Joe Rogans latest podcasts has an expert in discussing this topic, good listening

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By *aid backMan
over a year ago

by a lake with my rod out

"I've been dating with a paranoid one a few years back. It was long before I went onto this as i dont do nor like adultery. She Always wanting to see my texts and didnt want me texting anyone she deemed "pretty" like relatives or co-workers, didnt want me to pursue my career ambitions and generally tried to control my life.

Behind my back, she told a friend (who's strictly lesbian) to stay away from me as she was worried something was up.

She then tried to manipulate the stress i had, saying i didnt love her and that i shouldnt get jealous in future etc.

Long story short, we called it off. But then i heard her spreading rumours about me so i blocked her. Afterwards i avoided long term relationships.

Sorry for the length of my tale."

I don't think that's narcissism you are describing it's probably another personality disorder

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By *ollybirdWoman
over a year ago

east Cork

"Was married to one for 18yrs. Didnt realise he was one until about 4/5 yrs before I found out he was having an affair.

No empathy, all about him, ruined family/my special events as it wasnt about him, financial control, emotional abuse, called me crazy, emotionally unavailable....I could go on.

He didnt show his real true covert narc personality until I told him I wasnt taking him back. I wanted a seperation. Cue the real man he was revealed.

I shouldnt have ignored the flags. Its a nightmare still.....

MsD"

Sounds like my story

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By *easingTimMan
over a year ago

Loughlinstown

"Have people experience of such people or how do you know if someone you have been seeing is one."

---------------

On Fab, a little bit of skin is the norm

but when you venture onto F-Book to see the same few people with just gym gear or top off and flexing every day

...you really gotta contemplate the unfriend button

Remember, "attention" is "currency" to any narcissist

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