FabSwingers.com forum: What would 'Opened & Deleted' be better than ?...

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Answer: Sounds like 'Empty Bed'...

**Unread**

Hey forum folk, quick Q from a newb!

So, other than becoming a Shakespearean styled shyster with a profile picture of a greek god 'or simalar. What's the story for actually elevating a sent message to 'READ' status.

Been following most all profile requested protocols. Am always entirely respectful 'boarderline Billy BILF behaviour. Have never hit anyone up twice & am having about as much joy as the reply I got when I asked a three-legged rabbit if their feet can bring me luck.

Is my verification status & an unwillingness to share a facepic in the first instance the culprit here?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Maybe posting in 'Site Help' would've better assisted my cause.

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By *harpDressed ManMan
over a year ago

Here occasionally, but mostly somewhere else

Could be a number of things.

Some say that they read a profile first before thinking about reading the message.

Some get so many messages that if yours arrives just before 20 others, it gets pushed down and they never even see it.

There's a degree of luck, persistence (generally, not aimed at individuals) and timing required, in addition to reasonable content. So it may not be ideal to rely on messages as your only approach.

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By *harpDressed ManMan
over a year ago

Here occasionally, but mostly somewhere else

"Maybe posting in 'Site Help' would've better assisted my cause.

4 minutes without a response is not a long time. Add patience to the list!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"4 minutes without a response is not a long time. Add patience to the list!"

Simply a wrongly categorised post issue v's anythiing patience reelated.

Cheers for the previous response & pointers.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have a good idea from the subject line and first few visible words, as to whether i will want to open it.

If I've opened the message, i almost always look at the profile .. Pics first, then height, then i read profile .. if photos weren't of dicks, i go look at photos again.

I rarely reply - message, personality and the kink have got to be pretty aligned to my head

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Thanks for that. Really insightful.

I'd deliberately left kinks out thinking it'd leave more layers for the messaging. I'll think on expanding that area for sure.

Subject line I generally try & pull something from their profile.

Photos I can certainly work on upscaling. Not a cock in hand pic guy either so that may serve me relitively well.

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By *iss LovelyWoman
over a year ago

Here and There

If there are no face pics in your public pics then I’d expect you to include one straight off the bst with your first message. If you didn’t and with no indication really from your profile of what you look like I would likely just delete without replying because there wouldn’t be enough info available for me to know if I’m interested.

For me your profile is too long, and a bit complicated to read. The bit about your relationship status would rule you out for me too.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

For me your profile is too long, and a bit complicated to read. "

I didn't get past the second sentence

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Glad I'm Intelligent enough not to read it

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Fair points, taken on board. Thank you.

Entirely hypocritical of me to say it but I didn't see the sense in hiding the relationship element. There's more to it than meets the eye.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Your loss

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By *969BewitchedWoman
over a year ago

Nottingham

I don't reply if no face pics attached with first message. No point chatting to someone and then find out there is zero attraction.

Personally for me I don't meet people in relationships but there are many that do.

Your profile is lots of irrelevant stuff, trying a little too hard with the humour, better to just say what you are looking for so it's a bit more clear .

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I don't reply if no face pics attached with first message. No point chatting to someone and then find out there is zero attraction.

Thank you & yeah, that one keeps coming back. I'm thinking I should maybe alter my stance & maybe go for a 6mth old account with verification for an upfront face pic.

Think its because I don't share personal pics on social media so if feels even more bizzare sharing with outright strangers on an alternate online platform. Especially when profiles suggest I must.

I realise I don't need to. But so many female profiles have clearly been moulded by FAB's sociobiology. Feels like a Deja vous trip when browsing.

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By *rsTrellisWoman
over a year ago

Cambridge

I like your energy and tongue-in-cheek humour. I imagine you’d be fun so, if you were local, I’d happily do a coffee with you.

Without completely losing the tone, I’d clarify the profile text slightly. I’ll paste below some Fab top tips. Hope it’s useful. X

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By *rsTrellisWoman
over a year ago

Cambridge

Ok - here goes – ten steps to success! There are so many men on Fab that you need to be better than about 80% of them. Do all of these steps over six months and you’ll be doing well.

1. Verification - Get verified and display those veris. Cam verified is a start before you’ve met anyone. This will make you seem more trust-worthy and will mean your profile is visible to people who have blocked unverified men. Women are constantly managing the risk of meeting internet strangers so veris help us to assess whether you’re likely to be safe or not.

2. Pictures – it’s NOT about being gym fit. Black and white and arty is the way to go. Avoid cock pics. A smiling face pic is great if you’re able to be that open.

3. Forum - a bit of a presence in the forum will put your profile “out there” (be only ever positive, chatty, literate and kind - see erect-Jim or Adam1971 or walkingtaff for examples). But forum women (the really pretty ones who post a lot) get MASSIVE amounts of mail so don’t be disheartened if they aren’t interested. Lots of other women read the forum without posting. Never EVER moan or be critical. You search for a person’s posts using this link (replacing my username with theirs and using underscores for spaces): https://m.fabswingers.com/forum-poster/_rstrellis

4. Your profile –

a. You need a detailed but not too long profile.

b. Start with something unpushy. “Fancy a cuppa? Pull up a chair!” “Fancy seeing you here!”

c. Spelling and grammar really, really matter (apostrophes in the right places, discreet/discrete, their/there/they’re, you’re/your have different meanings so pick the one you mean.

d. Have something to hang a conversation on. “My favourite place in the world is x” or “I love Game of Thrones and Countdown”. “If I could be anyone it would be Kermit the Frog”. Anything.

e. Weave a fantasy: “I like hard, passionate sex, pulling at each other’s clothes and kissing to the floor. Sex that leaves us both panting, with a wild look in our eyes” or “I love sensual touching, stroking and massage. I love to see goose pimples appear as my fingers flow over you”. They’re really different in tone but it helps the reader understand you.

5. Get out there – go to Fab socials and to clubs. Be chatty, smiley and don’t cling to anyone. Make yourself go six times before you give up. Always smiling, always chatty. Make contacts, get more veris.

6. When you’re messaging –

a. for couples, talk to both in every message.

b. for women, never mention sex before she does. If she mentions sex or meeting then changes the subject, wait until she brings it up again.

c. aim to be a friend. That’s the tone. Sprinkle lightly with flirting.

d. keep messages short and chatty. End on a question every time.

e. consider a gimmick to allow regular contact. One guy brings me “tea” each morning. It’s means we chat every day.

f. don’t pull women up on being slow to respond or for disappearing. It can be a full time job to deal with messages so some get a bit “direct” or overwhelmed. If she’s talking to you at all, she probably likes you, so don’t mess it up by getting grumpy with her.

7. Understand how the “updates” tab works

a. you’re in the local updates for your area. If you travel somewhere else, change your postcode in the “my details” tab on your profile. Then you’ll appear in that area.

b. use your status update every day. Something chatty, funny, always positive. Never ever “why don’t women reply”. The reason for doing it is that it puts you onto people’s local updates, and, if relevant, onto their friend updates and hotlist updates too. “I’m going to the ice cream van. Who fancies a 99?” or whatever.

c. Don’t be afraid to put up a meet if you have your place to yourself. List the meet and mention it in your status. “Free for coffee and cake and a chinwag tomorrow”.

8. Learn from guys who are doing well. Consider “hotlisting” some successful men to watch how they manage their profiles. It’ll drop them into your “updates” section so you can see what they’re doing. Hotlisting is private so they won’t know they’re hotlisted but you’ll see how they do status updates and things.

9. Some people are nuts. Prepare yourself for the odd one to turn bunny-boiler on you. It’s usually rooted in vulnerability but played out as aggression or passive aggression. Try to respond with kindness but don’t let anyone take the piss. Kindly distance yourself.

10. Final bits:

a. “Cannot accommodate” suggests you’re married and playing away without permission. Explain why you can’t accommodate if it’s a different reason.

b. Narrow the age range you’re looking for: 18-99 is too broad.

c. In your profile title, don’t have anything crude or grumpy. “Happy, chatty, smiley, funny cheeky chappy”. Or something. Nothing about sex.

Mr O’s advice:

https://m.fabswingers.com/forum/support/8538

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Thanks @MrsTrellis for your positivity & assistance, greatly appreciated. I'll take a look in the am, gather my thoughts, make the neccessary tweaks & march forth to a coffee fiesta with all the local lasses I can muster.

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By *upboardloveCouple
over a year ago

rugby

For me your profile is too long, and a bit complicated to read.

I didn't get past the second sentence "

I really enjoyed reading your profile. It’s nice to read something well written and fun.

Relationship status would put me off but you are right that it is better to be upfront about it. It would put me off whenever I found out, and lying is even less attractive.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Answer: Sounds like 'Empty Bed'...

**Unread**

Hey forum folk, quick Q from a newb!

So, other than becoming a Shakespearean styled shyster with a profile picture of a greek god 'or simalar. What's the story for actually elevating a sent message to 'READ' status.

Is my verification status & an unwillingness to share a facepic in the first instance the culprit here?"
you have only one pic which is ok i guess but the in a relationship bit is probably a killer, overtly sexual status updates put a lot off as does bad grammar and spelling and yes if you send a polite message based on target profile but with no face pic its unlikely it will be answered

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I reply to all my messages tbh but would happily chat further to you based solely on your profile text ... made me laugh which is always a good start.

Though lack of photos will be off putting to lots plus your relationship status, brownie points for giving people the choice regarding it

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By *tingly ByronMan
over a year ago

In a town Fab forgot

"Ok - here goes – ten steps to success! There are so many men on Fab that you need to be better than about 80% of them. Do all of these steps over six months and you’ll be doing well.

2. Pictures – it’s NOT about being gym fit. Black and white and arty is the way to go. Avoid cock pics. A smiling face pic is great if you’re able to be that open.

4. Your profile –

a. You need a detailed but not too long profile.

b. Start with something unpushy. “Fancy a cuppa? Pull up a chair!” “Fancy seeing you here!”

c. Spelling and grammar really, really matter (apostrophes in the right places, discreet/discrete, their/there/they’re, you’re/your have different meanings so pick the one you mean.

6. When you’re messaging –

a. for couples, talk to both in every message.

b. for women, never mention sex before she does. If she mentions sex or meeting then changes the subject, wait until she brings it up again.

c. aim to be a friend. That’s the tone. Sprinkle lightly with flirting.

d. keep messages short and chatty. End on a question every time.

e. consider a gimmick to allow regular contact. One guy brings me “tea” each morning. It’s means we chat every day.

7. Understand how the “updates” tab works

a. you’re in the local updates for your area. If you travel somewhere else, change your postcode in the “my details” tab on your profile. Then you’ll appear in that area.

c. Don’t be afraid to put up a meet if you have your place to yourself. List the meet and mention it in your status. “Free for coffee and cake and a chinwag tomorrow”.

10. Final bits:

a. “Cannot accommodate” suggests you’re married and playing away without permission. Explain why you can’t accommodate if it’s a different reason.

b. Narrow the age range you’re looking for: 18-99 is too broad.

c. In your profile title, don’t have anything crude or grumpy. “Happy, chatty, smiley, funny cheeky chappy”. Or something. Nothing about sex.

Mr O’s advice:

https://m.fabswingers.com/forum/support/8538"

I really really hope that's a copy and paste reply.....

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By *lem-H-FandangoMan
over a year ago

salisbury

Avoid anyone who thinks using the forum will help you get sex.

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By *tingly ByronMan
over a year ago

In a town Fab forgot

"Avoid anyone who thinks using the forum will help you get sex.

I've met more people through the forums than I have from messaging people outside of the forums.

Avoid 98% of the advice you receive.

The 2% being Mrs T and mine right here.

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By *uddly biker chickWoman
over a year ago

Llandudno

[Removed by poster at 08/11/19 06:45:40]

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By *uddly biker chickWoman
over a year ago

Llandudno

My reason is simple. The amount of messages. As it is right now I still have 90+ messages unread dating back a while. I have to go to work now and do a 12 hour shift so it's also a time issue. 90 is nothing for a single female. When I joined 10 years ago I had tops of around 1,500. It got too much. Spent a full day responding and telling people I was leaving cos it simply got too much. Managed to get through around 500 but they still kept coming. In the end I just had to leave here. I don't delete anything without reading hence why i still have a load of messages unread. It's too rude for me to just delete.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I like the profile, nice bit of humour and not overtly sexual. You don’t scream desperation like some. Granted we aren’t looking for straight men but if we were, the only things that would put us off is the no verification (granted that’s not something you can instantly change), and the lack of public pictures.

Good luck

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By *lem-H-FandangoMan
over a year ago

salisbury

"Avoid anyone who thinks using the forum will help you get sex.

I've met more people through the forums than I have from messaging people outside of the forums.

Avoid 98% of the advice you receive.

The 2% being Mrs T and mine right here.

Do you find yourself tempted to "white knight" the forumites you've managed to fuck?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Your loss

Oh dear.

Still, let's put that down as a rookie mistake eh.

You'll find that such a comment will make you come across to others as arrogant and / or entitled.

Anyone who rejects you has done so because they are of the view that you are not for them, so it's hardly their loss at all and by making such a comment just proves to them the opposite.

Remember, you've posted that comment in an open forum where potential playmates might be looking and so I can only imagine that you may have found yourself added to a blocked list or three

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By *tingly ByronMan
over a year ago

In a town Fab forgot

"Avoid anyone who thinks using the forum will help you get sex.

I've met more people through the forums than I have from messaging people outside of the forums.

Avoid 98% of the advice you receive.

The 2% being Mrs T and mine right here.

Do you find yourself tempted to "white knight" the forumites you've managed to fuck?"

Nope. Theres no Brasso in my cupboard.

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By *ady LickWoman
over a year ago

Northampton Somewhere

I like the way your profile is written, the first sentence is unnecessary though. It would make me think 'that's odd' straight away. You've had the profile over a year but only just updated it?

I'd start again if I was you but with more pics, they don't have to be of your face

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By *ady LickWoman
over a year ago

Northampton Somewhere

Ps if I was interested in meeting someone and they refused to send me a face pic then that would be game over for me....next!!!

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By *ustBoWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in Co. Down

Your profile reads well and is funny so that's good. And fair play for being upfront about your relationship status that's always better than lying and someone finding out later on. Some will meet you some won't but that's their perogative. Don't be pushed into sending a face pic in first message I always find it strange that people insist on a face pic straight away when they don't show theirs. Everyone is allowed their privacy and as the chat progresses then you can share one of you want. Personally I would never share one straight away and would never expect someone else to. Just send messages that reflect who you are don't pretend to be anything else. It's hard to get replies but if you continue to try you will get some. By all means try and get veried if you can. Chat in the forums or chat rooms as well it makes you more visible to people and could pique someones interest in you. Good luck.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Oh! Just spotted this post got more reactions. There's no forum notifcations anywhere?

***

_upboardlove -
"I really enjoyed reading your profile. It’s nice to read something well written and fun."

Thank you, though I have to say I note of previous replies & amended it. I understand the relationship status poses an issue for some, including me to be honest. But my currenty predicamenmt is what it is.

***

whistleandflute363036 - Yeah, still finding the sending a face pic an issue & don't feel I'll be changing my mind on it any time soon.

***

Suki Toff -
"Made me laugh which is always a good start. Though lack of photos will be off putting."

Thank you Suki & I hear you. Going to work on the pic side of things for sure. Spent a many moons in the S/W 'yesteryear', Lifton, Newquay & Truro. Hope you find all you're currently seeking.

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Clem-H-Fandango -
"Avoid anyone who thinks using the forum will help you get sex"

Well it's certainly boosted my profile hits, so theree's a start.

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Stingly Byron -
"Avoid 98% of the advice you receive."

I hear ya. Not so bad when you put it all together though.

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_uddly biker chick -
"When I joined 10 years ago I had tops of around 1,500. It got too much."

Yeah, I've started to understand this, the volume, the nature & the harrassing nature of some of it. Delierately watched a new account the other day, how fast her profile changed to polite warnings and the sheer amount of times her single image got fabbed in 24hrs. Crazy!

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Titiana and K -
"I like the profile, nice bit of humour and not overtly sexual."

Thank you. Working on the veri & the pics

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Horny_DJ -
"Oh dear. Still, let's put that down as a rookie mistake eh."

No mistake on my behalf. Certain comments demand certain responses. I can't help anyone who mistakes the context.

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Lady Lick -
"I like the way your profile is written, the first sentence is unnecessary though. It would make me think 'that's odd' straight away."

I don't feel there's anything odd in opening an account 12 months ago & not using it till now.

Lady Lick -
"If I was interested in meeting someone and they refused to send me a face pic then that would be game over for me"

No outright refusal, I detailed specifics & ultimately it should be an informeed decision to send a face pic. It's the internet.

***

JustBo - Perfect! Thank you for taking the time out to reply in such a balanced & meaninful way. Appreciate your outlook & advice.

***

So, aside from more images, which I'm working on. I feeling is that I'm going to attend a local club soon for socials/verifications. I asked about a specific club in the forums last night & got the response I was looking for. Sure I'll make a connection with a few folk & hopefully they'll help me out.

Thanks to everyone for your responses, appreciate them all.

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