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Looking for sub to train

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

I’m very Dom into restraints, orgasm control, whips, gags, blindfolds, butt plugs and collars want to own my own little sub if your interested message me with subject yes master

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By *eeleyWoman
over a year ago

Dudley


"I’m very Dom into restraints, orgasm control, whips, gags, blindfolds, butt plugs and collars want to own my own little sub if your interested message me with subject yes master "

Good luck.

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By *rotic-TouchTV/TS
over a year ago

doncaster

Ooooooooo I've come over all giddy

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By *rotic-TouchTV/TS
over a year ago

doncaster


"I’m very Dom into restraints, orgasm control, whips, gags, blindfolds, butt plugs and collars want to own my own little sub if your interested message me with subject yes master

Good luck. "
?? Do you suspect he will need good luck wishes ??

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By *idnightxBrownCouple
over a year ago

Birmingham


"I’m very Dom into restraints, orgasm control, whips, gags, blindfolds, butt plugs and collars want to own my own little sub if your interested message me with subject yes master

Good luck. "

I bet he's already got loads of responses

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By *ara198Woman
over a year ago

maynooth

Oh richy richy richy. Wishing you well on this endeavour. Master. ??

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I wonder it this approach works.

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By *eeleyWoman
over a year ago

Dudley


"I’m very Dom into restraints, orgasm control, whips, gags, blindfolds, butt plugs and collars want to own my own little sub if your interested message me with subject yes master

Good luck. ?? Do you suspect he will need good luck wishes ?? "

I suspect he needs abit more than good luck but I'm trying to behave

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Maybe better off looking on another site which caters more for the s&m lifestyle. I can pm you if you want?

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By *sGivesWoodWoman
over a year ago

ST. AUSTELL, CORNWALL

I think your casual approach may put some off, good luck though. Maybe try attending some events that cater for this.

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By *ust_A_Tease_To_PleaseWoman
over a year ago

South Wales: Newport, Chepstow


" if your interested message me with subject yes master "

This is the bit that puts me off. Sure I'm a sub, but I don't use honorifics on people I'm not in an agreed negotiated dynamic with. This isn't a role play game to me.

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By *adame 2SwordsWoman
over a year ago

Victoria, London

unfortunately I wouldn't submit, good luck in finding your sub

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By *as_no_ideaWoman
over a year ago

......

Requesting to have messages starting with, "Yes Master" is a little pretentious..

That "title" has to be earnt, through, respect, trust, consent, communication..

You need to demonstrate, that you are worthy of someone calling you that.

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By *adeiteWoman
over a year ago

Stafford

Seems very much what you want. The sub is the one with the power and control, contrary to popular belief.

Plus the yes master bit. Pfft really. When did you earn being called master?

Takes a lot of trust between to people to be given that title.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Is that 6 in sub or the full 12 inch one? Once trained will they be a sub artiste?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Eeek... the whole demanding 'yes master' in a response message... big no no

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By *tace 309TV/TS
over a year ago

durham


"I’m very Dom into restraints, orgasm control, whips, gags, blindfolds, butt plugs and collars want to own my own little sub if your interested message me with subject yes master "
seriously.... I nearly wet myself when I read this. Oooh another wanabee

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By *isaAndNicoleTransTV/TS
over a year ago

Southport / Ellesmere Port


"I’m very Dom into restraints, orgasm control, whips, gags, blindfolds, butt plugs and collars want to own my own little sub if your interested message me with subject yes master "

And what experience do you have in this area? Maybe you should expand on that as too many wannabe "doms" on this site. BDSM is about a mutual and agreed sub/dom relationship and expecting someone to call you "master" suggests you have limited knowledge in this area. Good luck though

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By *asterslittlewhoreCouple
over a year ago

Edinburgh


"I wonder it this approach works. "

No

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By *hubaysiWoman
over a year ago

Leeds


"I’m very Dom into restraints, orgasm control, whips, gags, blindfolds, butt plugs and collars want to own my own little sub if your interested message me with subject yes master "

Why only a ‘little sub’? The big ones may be offended by that.

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By *adylydfordWoman
over a year ago

altinkum


" if your interested message me with subject yes master

This is the bit that puts me off. Sure I'm a sub, but I don't use honorifics on people I'm not in an agreed negotiated dynamic with. This isn't a role play game to me."

Yus. Exactly this. Just cos im sub does not mean everybody is automatically my master. That title is earnt after respect has been established. So many say they are dom but jave no clue of the true dynamics

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Seems very much what you want. The sub is the one with the power and control, contrary to popular belief.

Plus the yes master bit. Pfft really. When did you earn being called master?

Takes a lot of trust between to people to be given that title. "

Totally agree well typed

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By *ensualMan
over a year ago

Sutton

[Removed by poster at 09/10/19 00:32:54]

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By *ensualMan
over a year ago

Sutton


"Seems very much what you want. The sub is the one with the power and control, contrary to popular belief.

Plus the yes master bit. Pfft really. When did you earn being called master?

Takes a lot of trust between to people to be given that title. "

I don't believe the sub is in control, I believe it is a balance between the dominant and the submissive. Although you are entitled to your view, there are other equally valid views.

I give below a number of reasons for my view.

First, just because the sub has the right to control their body does not put them in control of the relationship. It would be like saying that a wife is in control of the marriage because she can decide what happens with her body. Everybody in a democratic state has the right to control what happens to their body. Marriage should be a balance between both parties. As should a D/S relationship.

Secondly, people see D/S as something done to subs. Whereas many subs actually want the right act done to them, or the right circumstances created for them by the right dominant. This can put the dominant in the driving seat and can lead to abuse if the dominant is not empathic. Anyone in the scene for less than a year sees this. A well intended dominant creates with the help of the submissive a balanced relationship.

Thirdly for dominants there are types of play that does not not interest them. If the sub had the power and control they could make the dominant do those things to the sub. I would suggest that is not the case.

Also if the submissive had the power and control a dominant could not end a relationship, again I do not believe that to be true. Either party can walk away at any time.

The whole reason why trust and consent is so important is because (for those that do impact play) when the sub is gagged and tied, or for those that do mental submission. when emotionally vulnerable from domination, how much real control does the sub have?

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By *isaAndNicoleTransTV/TS
over a year ago

Southport / Ellesmere Port


"Seems very much what you want. The sub is the one with the power and control, contrary to popular belief.

Plus the yes master bit. Pfft really. When did you earn being called master?

Takes a lot of trust between to people to be given that title.

I don't believe the sub is in control, I believe it is a balance between the dominant and the submissive. Although you are entitled to your view, there are other equally valid views.

I give below a number of reasons for my view.

First, just because the sub has the right to control their body does not put them in control of the relationship. It would be like saying that a wife is in control of the marriage because she can decide what happens with her body. Everybody in a democratic state has the right to control what happens to their body. Marriage should be a balance between both parties. As should a D/S relationship.

Secondly, people see D/S as something done to subs. Whereas many subs actually want the right act done to them, or the right circumstances created for them by the right dominant. This can put the dominant in the driving seat and can lead to abuse if the dominant is not empathic. Anyone in the scene for less than a year sees this. A well intended dominant creates with the help of the submissive a balanced relationship.

Thirdly for dominants there are types of play that does not not interest them. If the sub had the power and control they could make the dominant do those things to the sub. I would suggest that is not the case.

Also if the submissive had the power and control a dominant could not end a relationship, again I do not believe that to be true. Either party can walk away at any time.

The whole reason why trust and consent is so important is because (for those that do impact play) when the sub is gagged and tied, or for those that do mental submission. when emotionally vulnerable from domination, how much real control does the sub have?

"

A nice and well thought out response but there is absolutely 100% certainty that the sub is in control.

Otherwise you don't have consent?

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By *ensualMan
over a year ago

Sutton


"Seems very much what you want. The sub is the one with the power and control, contrary to popular belief.

Plus the yes master bit. Pfft really. When did you earn being called master?

Takes a lot of trust between to people to be given that title.

I don't believe the sub is in control, I believe it is a balance between the dominant and the submissive. Although you are entitled to your view, there are other equally valid views.

I give below a number of reasons for my view.

First, just because the sub has the right to control their body does not put them in control of the relationship. It would be like saying that a wife is in control of the marriage because she can decide what happens with her body. Everybody in a democratic state has the right to control what happens to their body. Marriage should be a balance between both parties. As should a D/S relationship.

Secondly, people see D/S as something done to subs. Whereas many subs actually want the right act done to them, or the right circumstances created for them by the right dominant. This can put the dominant in the driving seat and can lead to abuse if the dominant is not empathic. Anyone in the scene for less than a year sees this. A well intended dominant creates with the help of the submissive a balanced relationship.

Thirdly for dominants there are types of play that does not not interest them. If the sub had the power and control they could make the dominant do those things to the sub. I would suggest that is not the case.

Also if the submissive had the power and control a dominant could not end a relationship, again I do not believe that to be true. Either party can walk away at any time.

The whole reason why trust and consent is so important is because (for those that do impact play) when the sub is gagged and tied, or for those that do mental submission. when emotionally vulnerable from domination, how much real control does the sub have?

A nice and well thought out response but there is absolutely 100% certainty that the sub is in control.

Otherwise you don't have consent? "

Look at from another perspective, if the submissive wants a dominant to do borderline legal activities to them. The dominant has to consent to take that risk.

Put aside the cliche of all doms being male beasts without self control, and consider the possibility of dominants being skilled people who want to ensure they are getting into the right situation to exercise their type of dominance. This is why before starting anything there is a proper negotiation and discussion social meetings to see if the two parts of the jigsaw fit. This is where consent is worked, whether you use the FRIES acronym or SALINE or as I do long lists consent issues for both parties are worked out at the beginning and revisited on a regular basis. My view is that in D/S relationship the key word is 'relationship' and in proper relationships it is a meeting of minds with noone in control, both working together in equal but different roles. That is not taking into account Gorean relationships, and total power exchange relationships which are another scale.

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By *ust_A_Tease_To_PleaseWoman
over a year ago

South Wales: Newport, Chepstow


"

Put aside the cliche of all doms being male beasts without self control, and consider the possibility of dominants being skilled people who want to ensure they are getting into the right situation to exercise their type of dominance.

"

Where do I find such a mythical wonderful creature? Cos this is not standard, hence why the saying "the sub is the one in control" exists - to remind the DimDoms they can't actually force anyone to do something by claiming to be dominant, but have to inspire being follow by someone choosing, hence still having control.

It also reminds subs (new and old) that at the end of the day they do have control over themselves. Even in a tpe with agreement the sub can't end it - sorry but the reality is they can at any time (With police help if needs be).

That little saying is important to me, it reminds me I can never give up my responsibility to my own health and safety by selecting whom I get into a dynamic with and what I allow them to do to me

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By *lease300Woman
over a year ago

merthyr


"

Put aside the cliche of all doms being male beasts without self control, and consider the possibility of dominants being skilled people who want to ensure they are getting into the right situation to exercise their type of dominance.

Where do I find such a mythical wonderful creature? Cos this is not standard, hence why the saying "the sub is the one in control" exists - to remind the DimDoms they can't actually force anyone to do something by claiming to be dominant, but have to inspire being follow by someone choosing, hence still having control.

It also reminds subs (new and old) that at the end of the day they do have control over themselves. Even in a tpe with agreement the sub can't end it - sorry but the reality is they can at any time (With police help if needs be).

That little saying is important to me, it reminds me I can never give up my responsibility to my own health and safety by selecting whom I get into a dynamic with and what I allow them to do to me "
I totally agree well said x

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By *ust_A_Tease_To_PleaseWoman
over a year ago

South Wales: Newport, Chepstow


" ... This is why before starting anything there is a proper negotiation and discussion social meetings to see if the two parts of the jigsaw fit...

My view is that in D/S relationship the key word is 'relationship' and in proper relationships it is a meeting of minds with noone in control, both working together in equal but different roles. That is not taking into account Gorean relationships, and total power exchange relationships which are another scale.

"

Btw totally agree with this; at the start all are equal, even tpe and Gorean should still start from a place of equals before the agreed dynamic starts. But the whole point of D/s is to agree one leads and one follows (to varying agreed levels over agreed things).

I just don't think the saying "the sub is in control" discounts any of this, just reminds all parties the sub has as much say over what happens to them as the Dom

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 09/10/19 07:15:21]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm a dom and love a sub with my partner as swingers we dont play with the two mixed unless wanted. The respect is a big part for us along with restraint and other aspects.

OP this may not be the best place to look. Being wanted to be called Master is very niche, well wishes we send.

Scooby

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Unfortunately post “50 shades” a lot of people think they are Dom or sub - it’s the lack of understanding and experience tbh. A Dom/sub relationship takes time to develop and lots of trust from both parties- but once you found that special partner with that bond it’s epic. I also agree that though the sub is submitting they ultimately have control !

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By *ust_A_Tease_To_PleaseWoman
over a year ago

South Wales: Newport, Chepstow

Ofc, you then get the rest of BDSM outside of the D/s or M/s area.

Topping or bottoming in a scene also takes knowledge but can be fun.

This side is often overlooked, but you can have amazing play with no power exchange at all.

Give me a skilled and knowledgeable sadist any day

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Ok so now mentioning specifics. Absolutely agree with the two above posts. The whole BDSM scene is huge in its diversity and yes a relationship as d/s can take time to develop. Although the dynamic is about trust and needs to be earned and without trying will not know whether it works.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Another clueless little boy playing at dom? That is what this seems to be.

Do you have any idea as to the psychological skill required to put someone in subspace or do you just get off on hurting women?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Another clueless little boy playing at dom? That is what this seems to be.

Do you have any idea as to the psychological skill required to put someone in subspace or do you just get off on hurting women?"

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By *ouble_The_DelightCouple
over a year ago

Wakefield


"Seems very much what you want. The sub is the one with the power and control, contrary to popular belief.

Plus the yes master bit. Pfft really. When did you earn being called master?

Takes a lot of trust between to people to be given that title.

I don't believe the sub is in control, I believe it is a balance between the dominant and the submissive. Although you are entitled to your view, there are other equally valid views.

I give below a number of reasons for my view.

First, just because the sub has the right to control their body does not put them in control of the relationship. It would be like saying that a wife is in control of the marriage because she can decide what happens with her body. Everybody in a democratic state has the right to control what happens to their body. Marriage should be a balance between both parties. As should a D/S relationship.

Secondly, people see D/S as something done to subs. Whereas many subs actually want the right act done to them, or the right circumstances created for them by the right dominant. This can put the dominant in the driving seat and can lead to abuse if the dominant is not empathic. Anyone in the scene for less than a year sees this. A well intended dominant creates with the help of the submissive a balanced relationship.

Thirdly for dominants there are types of play that does not not interest them. If the sub had the power and control they could make the dominant do those things to the sub. I would suggest that is not the case.

Also if the submissive had the power and control a dominant could not end a relationship, again I do not believe that to be true. Either party can walk away at any time.

The whole reason why trust and consent is so important is because (for those that do impact play) when the sub is gagged and tied, or for those that do mental submission. when emotionally vulnerable from domination, how much real control does the sub have?

"

Well written, couldn't agree more.

k

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By *ittleMissCaliWoman
over a year ago

all loved up


"I’m very Dom into restraints, orgasm control, whips, gags, blindfolds, butt plugs and collars want to own my own little sub if your interested message me with subject yes master

Good luck. ?? Do you suspect he will need good luck wishes ??

I suspect he needs abit more than good luck but I'm trying to behave "

Op... your post suggests you are new to bdsm... perhaps learning more about it would help in your endeavour..

See Keeley im being good too

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

Hi op,

I think if you find someone interested in the same things you are you will have a great time exploring together.

I'm guessing you understand the safety aspects and protocols of BDSM and hopefully so would anyone who contacts you. If you don't read a couple of non fiction guides and acquaint yourself with them

There are many people within the BDSM community who firmly believe the way they do things is the only correct way and tend to dismiss rather than try and educate, it's one of the reasons we tend to stick to individuals rather than larger gatherings.

Good luck with your search, be guided by each other when you do find someone and learn together. Everyone started somewhere, some were lucky enough to encounter people who encouraged and educated them...others not so much.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why have a Master when you could have a Daddy x

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

This site just isn’t what it used to be yes I’m new to the bdsm scene at no point have I stated my experience I have had various encounters with this world and I really enjoyed it and fully understand its bind between two people entailed with trust as for the poster who mentioned do you get of on hurting women no I do not get of on hurting women at no point have I said this there may be some out there that do but for me it’s being in control having her restrained and controlling if she can orgasm using my wand and various other toys as for pain that’s something which is agreed upon many woman don’t like it at all and that’s something that is respected as per usual another shitty comment anyways would like to say thank you to the people that have replied with some really useful information and also to the reply’s I’ve had hope you all have a fab week

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


" if your interested message me with subject yes master

This is the bit that puts me off. Sure I'm a sub, but I don't use honorifics on people I'm not in an agreed negotiated dynamic with. This isn't a role play game to me."

Exactly. ..That's a title that is earned (as well as respect)

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Thank you for your advice it is greatly appreciated everything is a learning curve the forum needs more people like you

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Hi op,

I think if you find someone interested in the same things you are you will have a great time exploring together.

I'm guessing you understand the safety aspects and protocols of BDSM and hopefully so would anyone who contacts you. If you don't read a couple of non fiction guides and acquaint yourself with them

There are many people within the BDSM community who firmly believe the way they do things is the only correct way and tend to dismiss rather than try and educate, it's one of the reasons we tend to stick to individuals rather than larger gatherings.

Good luck with your search, be guided by each other when you do find someone and learn together. Everyone started somewhere, some were lucky enough to encounter people who encouraged and educated them...others not so much."

Thank you for your response great information hopefully more people like yourself are around

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Hi op,

I think if you find someone interested in the same things you are you will have a great time exploring together.

I'm guessing you understand the safety aspects and protocols of BDSM and hopefully so would anyone who contacts you. If you don't read a couple of non fiction guides and acquaint yourself with them

There are many people within the BDSM community who firmly believe the way they do things is the only correct way and tend to dismiss rather than try and educate, it's one of the reasons we tend to stick to individuals rather than larger gatherings.

Good luck with your search, be guided by each other when you do find someone and learn together. Everyone started somewhere, some were lucky enough to encounter people who encouraged and educated them...others not so much."

absolutely great post.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Thank you for your advice it is greatly appreciated everything is a learning curve the forum needs more people like you "

Do a little reading up on bdsm culture and the dom role.

I can see why you went straight for the yes master approach, because for someone new to the scene you thought that you had to put on an instant dominant approach to attract a sub.

Once you learn a bit more and meet people in the lifestyle then you will eventually learn the best way to get the outsome you want.

Good luck.

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By *tace 309TV/TS
over a year ago

durham

I would suggest you join the fetish bdsm scene. There you will learn all there is to learn in whatever capacity you wish to indulge in. . This is not really the right site if you really are into bdsm. Yes there is some cross over but the bdsm scene is vastly different to what happens on here. I've been in that scene over 35 years now. You have to get yourself known first. You find similar people there. Simply saying hey I'm a dom I need a sub won't get you much response. I can't imagine for one minute someone would dive in and say yes I'm a, sub come dom me. It has to be done in the right way. There has to be 100% trust on both sides. The use of safe words is imperative. You can't go into this, without researching things, properly and joining clubs. It's not 50 shades, stuff. That's just a fantasy fairytale. I really don't think you have gone, about this in the right way

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By *lease300Woman
over a year ago

merthyr


"Why have a Master when you could have a Daddy x"

Yum x

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"I would suggest you join the fetish bdsm scene. There you will learn all there is to learn in whatever capacity you wish to indulge in. . This is not really the right site if you really are into bdsm. Yes there is some cross over but the bdsm scene is vastly different to what happens on here. I've been in that scene over 35 years now. You have to get yourself known first. You find similar people there. Simply saying hey I'm a dom I need a sub won't get you much response. I can't imagine for one minute someone would dive in and say yes I'm a, sub come dom me. It has to be done in the right way. There has to be 100% trust on both sides. The use of safe words is imperative. You can't go into this, without researching things, properly and joining clubs. It's not 50 shades, stuff. That's just a fantasy fairytale. I really don't think you have gone, about this in the right way "

We've researched this thoroughly but have never joined a club or been to a munch. We are adults who are able to communicate with each other and manage just fine.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


" if your interested message me with subject yes master

This is the bit that puts me off. Sure I'm a sub, but I don't use honorifics on people I'm not in an agreed negotiated dynamic with. This isn't a role play game to me."

This

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Such an interesting read. New to the whole sub thing but already understanding that it's not what a lot of men think it is on here!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Such an interesting read. New to the whole sub thing but already understanding that it's not what a lot of men think it is on here!"

I am also new and agree with this. Every day is a school day in here

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By *tace 309TV/TS
over a year ago

durham


"I would suggest you join the fetish bdsm scene. There you will learn all there is to learn in whatever capacity you wish to indulge in. . This is not really the right site if you really are into bdsm. Yes there is some cross over but the bdsm scene is vastly different to what happens on here. I've been in that scene over 35 years now. You have to get yourself known first. You find similar people there. Simply saying hey I'm a dom I need a sub won't get you much response. I can't imagine for one minute someone would dive in and say yes I'm a, sub come dom me. It has to be done in the right way. There has to be 100% trust on both sides. The use of safe words is imperative. You can't go into this, without researching things, properly and joining clubs. It's not 50 shades, stuff. That's just a fantasy fairytale. I really don't think you have gone, about this in the right way

We've researched this thoroughly but have never joined a club or been to a munch. We are adults who are able to communicate with each other and manage just fine."
so by just researching things how do you really know you are doing things correctly. I found that by meeting and discussing things at munches and clubs and demos, you gain more knowledge and experience that way. Looking something up does give you the full insight into the world of bdsm. It may work for you but do you really know what you are doing is correct. I've been doing bdsm nearly 40 years now and I'm still learning things, and techniques,. You really can't beat first hand experience. Books and the Web do not tell the full story.they do not tell you what dangers, accidents, and mishaps that can occur. Bdsm needs to be practised safely. Yes, there are, many avenues to pursue in this sphere but it all depends, what you want to achieve. As with most things in life theory and practice do not always produce the same results.

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By *sGivesWoodWoman
over a year ago

ST. AUSTELL, CORNWALL


"I would suggest you join the fetish bdsm scene. There you will learn all there is to learn in whatever capacity you wish to indulge in. . This is not really the right site if you really are into bdsm. Yes there is some cross over but the bdsm scene is vastly different to what happens on here. I've been in that scene over 35 years now. You have to get yourself known first. You find similar people there. Simply saying hey I'm a dom I need a sub won't get you much response. I can't imagine for one minute someone would dive in and say yes I'm a, sub come dom me. It has to be done in the right way. There has to be 100% trust on both sides. The use of safe words is imperative. You can't go into this, without researching things, properly and joining clubs. It's not 50 shades, stuff. That's just a fantasy fairytale. I really don't think you have gone, about this in the right way

We've researched this thoroughly but have never joined a club or been to a munch. We are adults who are able to communicate with each other and manage just fine.so by just researching things how do you really know you are doing things correctly. I found that by meeting and discussing things at munches and clubs and demos, you gain more knowledge and experience that way. Looking something up does give you the full insight into the world of bdsm. It may work for you but do you really know what you are doing is correct. I've been doing bdsm nearly 40 years now and I'm still learning things, and techniques,. You really can't beat first hand experience. Books and the Web do not tell the full story.they do not tell you what dangers, accidents, and mishaps that can occur. Bdsm needs to be practised safely. Yes, there are, many avenues to pursue in this sphere but it all depends, what you want to achieve. As with most things in life theory and practice do not always produce the same results. "

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"I would suggest you join the fetish bdsm scene. There you will learn all there is to learn in whatever capacity you wish to indulge in. . This is not really the right site if you really are into bdsm. Yes there is some cross over but the bdsm scene is vastly different to what happens on here. I've been in that scene over 35 years now. You have to get yourself known first. You find similar people there. Simply saying hey I'm a dom I need a sub won't get you much response. I can't imagine for one minute someone would dive in and say yes I'm a, sub come dom me. It has to be done in the right way. There has to be 100% trust on both sides. The use of safe words is imperative. You can't go into this, without researching things, properly and joining clubs. It's not 50 shades, stuff. That's just a fantasy fairytale. I really don't think you have gone, about this in the right way

We've researched this thoroughly but have never joined a club or been to a munch. We are adults who are able to communicate with each other and manage just fine.so by just researching things how do you really know you are doing things correctly. I found that by meeting and discussing things at munches and clubs and demos, you gain more knowledge and experience that way. Looking something up does give you the full insight into the world of bdsm. It may work for you but do you really know what you are doing is correct. I've been doing bdsm nearly 40 years now and I'm still learning things, and techniques,. You really can't beat first hand experience. Books and the Web do not tell the full story.they do not tell you what dangers, accidents, and mishaps that can occur. Bdsm needs to be practised safely. Yes, there are, many avenues to pursue in this sphere but it all depends, what you want to achieve. As with most things in life theory and practice do not always produce the same results. "

We're doing things correctly for us. To be honest and I mean no disrespect, it's some of the attitudes shown on here that keep us away from "the scene". It's clear that people like us wouldn't be welcome.

We meet people with a lot of experience who are happy to share their knowledge without patronising of talking down and we try and do the same.

Trust me, books do tell you the dangers and mishaps that can occur.

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By *tace 309TV/TS
over a year ago

durham

I am not talking down to anyone. You can't beat first hand experience. Anyone can read something and say hey I can do that. That's, the trouble with some on this site. Bdsm is not just a bit bondage, a bit spanking,. Some think it's just an excuse for abuse. I respect things, work OK for you but they don't for everyone

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"I am not talking down to anyone. You can't beat first hand experience. Anyone can read something and say hey I can do that. That's, the trouble with some on this site. Bdsm is not just a bit bondage, a bit spanking,. Some think it's just an excuse for abuse. I respect things, work OK for you but they don't for everyone "

Which is exactly my point.

To some BDSM "is" just a bit of bondage and a bit of spanking. Are you saying those people are wrong, is it a niche club that you need to have a particular set of skills or a certain dynamic to join?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Bdsm is what ever level of bondage, spanking or what ever level of kink you are comfortable with, there are some very elitist people out the when it comes to that lifestyle but on the whole it's a very welcoming community.

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By *ensualMan
over a year ago

Sutton

I think it is a mixture of points. Fab can be brutal to people new to BDSM who get it wrong. Particularly men who present themselves as dominant can be brutally slated, in distinction to women who present themselves as submissive. The reason being the harm that regularly happens to submissives.

Also with bdsm moving into the mainstream practices have changed and some of those who have been on the scene 20 years or more are not happy with the changes.

From my own part I started by watching YouTube videos and reading books. I have found attending workshops, peer rope and munches has enriched my experience of bdsm.

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By *omsingleMan
over a year ago

liverpool

Hi

Attending peer rope workshops, reading and understanding the dynamic between the Dom and sub are crucial to any relationship’s success.

I was recently in a long term D/S relationship - kept strictly to the bedroom and in private due professional persona’s. It took a lot of time, effort and discussion plus free play to develop into genuinely satisfying and at times overwhelming scenes. This ended due to her emigrating.

As the Dom I found I controlled the scenes whilst the power was always with the sub who could use her safe word at any time and end the scene. The Dom’s responsibility is to ensure safety, comfort and increasingly heightening the journey into subspace. This cannot be achieved on a random one-off meeting and it takes time to develop trust. We started our relationship by both getting STI tested which immediately built trust as we were both clean. But it took a lot of discussion. Books provide guides but are limited - yes it’s all about understanding the limits - eg the topping and bottom books are relevant to those living the lifestyle but provide good knowledge for those confining it to their private lives.

A good Dom must also learn to sub to understand the control they hold and the level of trust required on both sides.

Like the poster I am looking to develop a D/S relationship yet remain open to the fact the best subs have also dommed and are open and understanding of both roles.

Nothing is all take whilst d/s is purely about give and take, trust, safety especially hydration, and respect.

Good luck to the poster but after nearly a year the only person I am tying up is myself!!!

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