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Profile advice for a long time lurker

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By *exmilitis11 OP   Man
over a year ago

lancaster

I'll be honest - I am married but looking to play away. Sorry if that's not to everyone's liking but I don't judge and hope others will do the same. I'm here for good, dirty fun.

Having been together with my other half for 22 years, our libido's have been mismatched for a while - mine has been and still is very high. I am attentive, responsible, high earning, loving, etc. etc. but nature has given us different urges. I'm not looking to leave as this would disrupt too much and would hurt the kids too.

Should I state all this on my profile? What else could I do to get female/couple attention and replies to messages?

Interested to hear any other advice for someone in my situation. Is there a pill I could give her to increase her libido? Would getting her into a trance work? Is it because I am too horny and therefore 'always available'?!

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By *oAngelsCouple
over a year ago

Sutton

Some people would expect an explanation as to why you can't accommodate. I don't think you need to go into any detail over and above the fact that you're married. It's nobody else's business x

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By *izzy.Woman
over a year ago

Stoke area

You ask about what to put on your profile . Your final comment is an eye opener. Plus the age range you are happy to meet. Add the fact that you are married and it will demonstrate the sort of person you are, and people can then chose whether or not to meet you.

Regarding how to get your wife to want more sex. Talk to her, maybe she needs to feel wanted and desired.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I'll be honest - I am married but looking to play away. Sorry if that's not to everyone's liking but I don't judge and hope others will do the same. I'm here for good, dirty fun.

Having been together with my other half for 22 years, our libido's have been mismatched for a while - mine has been and still is very high. I am attentive, responsible, high earning, loving, etc. etc. but nature has given us different urges. I'm not looking to leave as this would disrupt too much and would hurt the kids too.

Should I state all this on my profile? What else could I do to get female/couple attention and replies to messages?

Interested to hear any other advice for someone in my situation. Is there a pill I could give her to increase her libido? Would getting her into a trance work? Is it because I am too horny and therefore 'always available'?!"

Have you sat down a really talked about all of this with your wife?

If so what did she say?

Have you suggested swinging either by yourself or both together at any point?

KJ

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By *eeleyWoman
over a year ago

Dudley


"I'll be honest - I am married but looking to play away. Sorry if that's not to everyone's liking but I don't judge and hope others will do the same. I'm here for good, dirty fun.

Having been together with my other half for 22 years, our libido's have been mismatched for a while - mine has been and still is very high. I am attentive, responsible, high earning, loving, etc. etc. but nature has given us different urges. I'm not looking to leave as this would disrupt too much and would hurt the kids too.

Should I state all this on my profile? What else could I do to get female/couple attention and replies to messages?

Interested to hear any other advice for someone in my situation. Is there a pill I could give her to increase her libido? Would getting her into a trance work? Is it because I am too horny and therefore 'always available'?!"

Yes, I think you ought to definitely include it on your profile. People deserve to know so they can make an informed decision.

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By *STWO65Couple
over a year ago

MIDLANDS


"I'll be honest - I am married but looking to play away. Sorry if that's not to everyone's liking but I don't judge and hope others will do the same. I'm here for good, dirty fun.

Having been together with my other half for 22 years, our libido's have been mismatched for a while - mine has been and still is very high. I am attentive, responsible, high earning, loving, etc. etc. but nature has given us different urges. I'm not looking to leave as this would disrupt too much and would hurt the kids too.

Should I state all this on my profile? What else could I do to get female/couple attention and replies to messages?

Interested to hear any other advice for someone in my situation. Is there a pill I could give her to increase her libido? Would getting her into a trance work? Is it because I am too horny and therefore 'always available'?!

Have you sat down a really talked about all of this with your wife?

If so what did she say?

Have you suggested swinging either by yourself or both together at any point?

KJ "

Probably not.

Most cheating guys on here haven't got the balls to be that honest to their wives.

Cheating is much easier to them.

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By *ackDMissMorganCouple
over a year ago

Halifax

Definitely be upfront on your profile.so people are aware from the start.

I don't think there is a pill that can just make your wife want to have sex more,you need to get to the real issues behind it all.

Talk to her and explain how it is making you feel and see if there is any way you could both compromise.

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By *exmilitis11 OP   Man
over a year ago

lancaster

Thanks for all the comments. I feel slightly bad now! Not too bad as I haven’t yet met anyone so not ‘technically’ cheated but I do have a conscience!

I think I’ll start talking more (I have tried this before but am accused of being ‘obsessed with sex’ - not true. Just a healthy libido and can get a bit antsy when not having any for too long!).

I would love to get her to one of those really classy parties. Think along the lines of eyes wide shut without the undertones of satanism! We make a striking couple and have an exhibitionist streak. Might lead to something else. Any ideas how to broach the subject? Hinting at it before has been met with exclamations of ‘thats Sleazy’. I’d feel dirty. It would take away the pureness of our relationship. Etc.

I’m sure others may had had a more enthusiastic partner than the other and some persuasion to press go on things was needed. Advice welcome.

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By *eeleyWoman
over a year ago

Dudley


"Thanks for all the comments. I feel slightly bad now! Not too bad as I haven’t yet met anyone so not ‘technically’ cheated but I do have a conscience!

I think I’ll start talking more (I have tried this before but am accused of being ‘obsessed with sex’ - not true. Just a healthy libido and can get a bit antsy when not having any for too long!).

I would love to get her to one of those really classy parties. Think along the lines of eyes wide shut without the undertones of satanism! We make a striking couple and have an exhibitionist streak. Might lead to something else. Any ideas how to broach the subject? Hinting at it before has been met with exclamations of ‘thats Sleazy’. I’d feel dirty. It would take away the pureness of our relationship. Etc.

I’m sure others may had had a more enthusiastic partner than the other and some persuasion to press go on things was needed. Advice welcome. "

Why not just start by asking her to try a few new things in the bedroom? Toys? Massage? Porn? It might kick start her libido abit. I always find that if I don't have sex often, I need it less so maybe she just needs abit of a boost.

Maybe try seducing her, nice meal, candles, then take her to the bedroom and give her lots of attention before going for the penetration, possibly try some gentle restraints?

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By *STWO65Couple
over a year ago

MIDLANDS


"Thanks for all the comments. I feel slightly bad now! Not too bad as I haven’t yet met anyone so not ‘technically’ cheated but I do have a conscience!

I think I’ll start talking more (I have tried this before but am accused of being ‘obsessed with sex’ - not true. Just a healthy libido and can get a bit antsy when not having any for too long!).

I would love to get her to one of those really classy parties. Think along the lines of eyes wide shut without the undertones of satanism! We make a striking couple and have an exhibitionist streak. Might lead to something else. Any ideas how to broach the subject? Hinting at it before has been met with exclamations of ‘thats Sleazy’. I’d feel dirty. It would take away the pureness of our relationship. Etc.

I’m sure others may had had a more enthusiastic partner than the other and some persuasion to press go on things was needed. Advice welcome. "

Thing is, if you want to be a couple then this either should be done as a couple, or alone with the consent of your partner.

However it is dressed up, any other way is cheating.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Best advice I guess is don't get caught.

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By *STWO65Couple
over a year ago

MIDLANDS


"Best advice I guess is don't get caught. "

Best advice?

If you want to keep the relationship don't do it.

If you want to do and have no respect for your partner, then show him/her some dignity and let them choose whether your behaviour is acceptable or not.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The fact that you can’t accommodate is indication enough that you’re married

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By *icplshropsCouple
over a year ago

Rock


"Thanks for all the comments. I feel slightly bad now! Not too bad as I haven’t yet met anyone so not ‘technically’ cheated but I do have a conscience!

I think I’ll start talking more (I have tried this before but am accused of being ‘obsessed with sex’ - not true. Just a healthy libido and can get a bit antsy when not having any for too long!).

I would love to get her to one of those really classy parties. Think along the lines of eyes wide shut without the undertones of satanism! We make a striking couple and have an exhibitionist streak. Might lead to something else. Any ideas how to broach the subject? Hinting at it before has been met with exclamations of ‘thats Sleazy’. I’d feel dirty. It would take away the pureness of our relationship. Etc.

I’m sure others may had had a more enthusiastic partner than the other and some persuasion to press go on things was needed. Advice welcome.

Why not just start by asking her to try a few new things in the bedroom? Toys? Massage? Porn? It might kick start her libido abit. I always find that if I don't have sex often, I need it less so maybe she just needs abit of a boost.

Maybe try seducing her, nice meal, candles, then take her to the bedroom and give her lots of attention before going for the penetration, possibly try some gentle restraints? "

This.

If you want to try to increase your partner’s libido and possibly introduce her to the lifestyle, then you both need to ‘walk’ first before you can ‘run’. Take your time by gently wooing her first, paying attention to her, before tending to your own needs. Go at her pace before introducing any ‘extras’, such as specific toys, swinging porn, etc. It may take weeks or months before any progress is made, but at the end of the day, you cannot force someone into the lifestyle if they don’t want to.

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By *rontier PsychiatristMan
over a year ago

Coventry


"The fact that you can’t accommodate is indication enough that you’re married "

Not nesersary some of us guys are single parents. Sometimes there is not the oppertunity to accommodate.

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By *rontier PsychiatristMan
over a year ago

Coventry

To go behind your wife's back is to basicly concede defeat on you and her. Are you at that stage yet? If not for the sake of what you have together don't cheat and keep trying with her. If you are going to try forget swinging for now. You need to work on the your sex life first. And sometimes to sort sex drive you need to sort other aspects of life first. Sort that stuff out then you can turn to wilder things.

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By *YC SausageMan
over a year ago

Liverpool

Usually when a libido drops its down to self esteem. Maybe you should focus some time on the wife instead of browsing here for a potential meet?

Make it wife day, make her feel like there’s no one else, reading your opening post, I’m sure you do anyway, but go that extra step for her.

It’s obvious you love her. But does she feel that you do? I was head over heels with my ex whilst together, and I had a similar story. I sat her down, we spoke, and she admitted that she didn’t feel appreciated. We worked on it, and for a while the sex returned and was amazing!!!

I wish you luck, hide your profile and don’t do something you’re going to regret.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm not saying it's right but have you considered an escort? It might be the best option for you.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I totally hear you I’ve heard it many times before, a guy I worked with happened to be on here he saw me in chat many many years ago and was same it had become that way things had gone quiet for so long it became harder to talk about it, anyway long and short I told him he should be honest and say he’s feeling neglected and unwanted and feels he’s only being there for the kids and to keep up appearances, he loves his wife but he needs intimacy and sex to feel loved, they talked and now they are on here together and have been for years, but awkward that he told his wife it was a work

Colleague he opened up to but sometimes it’s better out than in, and kids are very receptive to relationships and the way I see it you’re setting an example to your kids, if you’re not happy and the kids can sense it then that’s telling them they have to stay in unhappy and u healthy relationships some folk can cheat and not bat an eye and can lead a double life but more often than not someone ends up getting hurt. I’ve many friends who play away for very different reasons and I try not to judge, I can be sympathetic to many of them and I personally have chosen when I’ve been single to prefer single men because it’s much easier to meet at the drop of a hat

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By *exmilitis11 OP   Man
over a year ago

lancaster

Wow! Thanks so much for all the advice. Some hugely constructive comments that I am fully taking on board. I guess the long and short of it is that it’s pretty destructive me being on here so I will linger for the forums as there are some great chats.

I’ll look to the romance side of things as it does appear that I am expecting a sexual response for what I do and who I am rather than me really, if I am totally honest, treating her like a girlfriend - date nights, taking her to places she can dress up, surprises. I’ll report back but other advice in the meantime is appreciated.

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By *tormy_TrooperWoman
over a year ago

crewe

I’ll be honest back. My now ex did this to me, I had gone through losing a baby and was in a very dark place, threw myself into work and just had no desires to live life. Instead of talking about it he went on here and found ways to get what he wanted, we had been on here before as a couple so already knew the scene.

He came across a bunny boiler who took a shine to him, wanted more from him so set out to destroy our marriage and I found out everything. It destroyed me at the time.

TALK TO YOUR WIFE!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I’ll be honest back. My now ex did this to me, I had gone through losing a baby and was in a very dark place, threw myself into work and just had no desires to live life. Instead of talking about it he went on here and found ways to get what he wanted, we had been on here before as a couple so already knew the scene.

He came across a bunny boiler who took a shine to him, wanted more from him so set out to destroy our marriage and I found out everything. It destroyed me at the time.

TALK TO YOUR WIFE! "

I'm sorry to hear that and I hope your in a better place now x

OP ask yourself if for example your wife checked your phone browsing history and read your fab profile as it is currently or any messages you may have sent people how would she feel / react? What damage and hurt would be caused?

I'm saying this because that has happened to single guys using this site to try and cheat. What's worse is the partner who's been cheated on through the hurt and betrayal can also put anyone that their partner met on here in their firing line when they are lashing out. It's for those reasons many couples on here won't meet people who are cheating and if your do decide to go down that route then at least be fair and make it clear on your profile so anyone who may met you can make an informed choice.

I hope you work things out with your wife truly.

I'd take her away to a nice hotel for the night somewhere new so she can get dressed up for a classy meal out somewhere.

KJ x

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By *exmilitis11 OP   Man
over a year ago

lancaster

I think there is some really sensible and grown up advice here. Thank you so much. I'm going to dig in for the long haul. Wish me luck!

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By *eeleyWoman
over a year ago

Dudley


"Wow! Thanks so much for all the advice. Some hugely constructive comments that I am fully taking on board. I guess the long and short of it is that it’s pretty destructive me being on here so I will linger for the forums as there are some great chats.

I’ll look to the romance side of things as it does appear that I am expecting a sexual response for what I do and who I am rather than me really, if I am totally honest, treating her like a girlfriend - date nights, taking her to places she can dress up, surprises. I’ll report back but other advice in the meantime is appreciated. "

This is definitely what you need to do, women want to feel wanted and appreciated, if she thinks you're only after sex then her libido will drop down into hell.

Pamper her, buy her flowers, compliment her, not all at once because she might get suspicious if you suddenly shower her with nice things lol.

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