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First messages - what is the correct tone etc?

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By *gf82 OP   Man
over a year ago

Warwickshire

Hi all, my question relates to the first message you send somebody in order to illicit a positive response. Or a response at all. What sort of message, length, content etc are people (women/couples) after?

I was on here a while back and whilst it wasn't easy being a single male it seemed more easy to at least get a response. I do understand that the men bombard the women etc but I'm a genuine guy who's not like that.

You read some profiles saying don't ask how i am or how my day is. Some say they don't want to be propositioned on the initial message so what's the happy medium? I usually go with something unique to the person ideally taking something from the profile text,albeit a lot don't fill that in. Then i write relatively lengthy messages i.e. More than one line and only really to those i think stand out to me and that I'd have a chance of matching their requirements too. I try being amusing, I try being complimentary, talking about me, asking about them but can't quite work out why 90% of the time the messages just get deleted.

So my big question is: what tone/content of that first message is the most appropriate? I'm not the sort to send a cock pic on the first one lol.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There is no magic formula.

You could have the most thoughtfully constructed message and the most descriptive profile, with some very tasteful and appealing photographs, if the person you're messaging doesn't fancy you, none of that is going to matter.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Honestly, if someone takes the time to be as careful as you say you’re being, doesn’t push, clearly has read the profile, they get at least a return message from me/us even if it’s to say that we aren’t interested in meeting or chatting at the moment but thanks for the message.

But someone behaving intelligently and politely would get my attention and probably a chat as well.

I think it isn’t always a reflection on you. It just means they’re not the right one. I think engaging with forum threads helps you meet and chat with people in a more social and organic way vs messaging.

Mrs

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

also many people read the profile before responding to a message. Maybe lack of pics goes against you? There are lots of tasteful body pics you can have up publicly without showing face or dick.

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By *tephTV67TV/TS
over a year ago

Cheshire

A guy sent me a very cheeky message once, insulting me in a very funny way. He got a very cheeky message back, but it did illicit a response, because it was clever and tongue in cheek.

Unfortunately I didn't actually fancy him

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"A guy sent me a very cheeky message once, insulting me in a very funny way. He got a very cheeky message back, but it did illicit a response, because it was clever and tongue in cheek.

Unfortunately I didn't actually fancy him "

Haha yes I have one I became friends with this way, He just sort of shocked me a bit and made me laugh, it was relevant and funny and very cheeky. I usually am immune. But it was funny. You just can’t explain what work because it’s not one size fits all - Mrs

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By *ust ClareTV/TS
over a year ago

Settlewick!

I never initiate a first message but to get a reply they have to fulfil 3 basic criteria.

1 To have a picture of some sort,not necessarily to see if I fancy then,but so I can relate their messages to a particular image in my mind's eye

2 To have some indication that they've actually read my profile and/or fabbed my pictures

3 Manage more than one sentence in their message, not just Hi,Hello,Wow, or similar

They also have to maintain my interest for at least a few messages So many make contact and immediately run out of things to say when I reply

Copy and paste messages are also very obvious, put something in the message that relates directly to the person you are contacting, even if just use their name a couple of times.

Dont be crude, there's a time and a place for sex talk once you've connected.

I'm also put off by too much txt spk and poor grammar.I can't read a message without an attempt at punctuation and paragraphs.

Don't constantly pester for a reply, the ladies get lots of messages.

Remember as well,if they are not a site supporter, in very little time your message will fall off the page unread.

Respect and patience are the key.Good luck.

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By *layfullsamMan
over a year ago

Solihull


"Hi all, my question relates to the first message you send somebody in order to illicit a positive response. Or a response at all. What sort of message, length, content etc are people (women/couples) after?

I was on here a while back and whilst it wasn't easy being a single male it seemed more easy to at least get a response. I do understand that the men bombard the women etc but I'm a genuine guy who's not like that.

You read some profiles saying don't ask how i am or how my day is. Some say they don't want to be propositioned on the initial message so what's the happy medium? I usually go with something unique to the person ideally taking something from the profile text,albeit a lot don't fill that in. Then i write relatively lengthy messages i.e. More than one line and only really to those i think stand out to me and that I'd have a chance of matching their requirements too. I try being amusing, I try being complimentary, talking about me, asking about them but can't quite work out why 90% of the time the messages just get deleted.

So my big question is: what tone/content of that first message is the most appropriate? I'm not the sort to send a cock pic on the first one lol. "

What turns on one woman will disgust another, come to think of it what turns on one woman may well turn her off an hour later

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By *issmorganWoman
over a year ago

Calderdale innit

Hi op

Try to personalise it by referring to something in their profile,to show you have read it .

There is no one size fits all,as we are individuals.

Just be respectful ,try to be humourous if possible.

Make your profile as appealing as you can

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By *gf82 OP   Man
over a year ago

Warwickshire

Thanks all, basically most of your considered thoughts are things I currently do, such as writing something personal I've picked up from their profile and/or photos, I write in full English as I too dislike text speak and every message is completely unique too.

I do completely agree that everyone's taste is individual though. It's just a little disappointing to write a profile that very very rarely even gets clicked on. As such at times it feels logging on here makes me a bit of a glutton for punishment haha.

I'm just wondering if I'm doing something else really obvious that's wrong like maybe people do in fact want to be sent a dick pic and go straight in for a dirty message?! I guess not though.

I try to behave how i would and do in 'real life' and to be respectful etc. I've met some great people on here on an old profile who have clearly since left the site so i know it can work but my view is that this time it's not difficult.

I also can't post a full face photo due to my job but I get the point about photos without the face, I just wish i was more creative! You girls have it slightly easier in that respect as you have nice areas to photograph! Nobody wants to see my bum, cock or nipples in a photo haha.

Sorry if all of this is a bit melodramatic. It's just a genuine thing as i feel like I'm doing it wrong.

Thanks all x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Hi all, my question relates to the first message you send somebody in order to illicit a positive response. Or a response at all. What sort of message, length, content etc are people (women/couples) after?

I was on here a while back and whilst it wasn't easy being a single male it seemed more easy to at least get a response. I do understand that the men bombard the women etc but I'm a genuine guy who's not like that.

You read some profiles saying don't ask how i am or how my day is. Some say they don't want to be propositioned on the initial message so what's the happy medium? I usually go with something unique to the person ideally taking something from the profile text,albeit a lot don't fill that in. Then i write relatively lengthy messages i.e. More than one line and only really to those i think stand out to me and that I'd have a chance of matching their requirements too. I try being amusing, I try being complimentary, talking about me, asking about them but can't quite work out why 90% of the time the messages just get deleted.

So my big question is: what tone/content of that first message is the most appropriate? I'm not the sort to send a cock pic on the first one lol. "

It seems you do everything right, unfortunately more and more often happens that people only show some sort of interest if they want to meet within a few hours. Sadly less and less people try and build friendships or simply just care about others. We wonder how much they care about others pleasure if they end up playing with someone when they can't be bother invest some time in getting to know their potential play partners...

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By *ungloverguyMan
over a year ago

Yeovil


"Thanks all, basically most of your considered thoughts are things I currently do, such as writing something personal I've picked up from their profile and/or photos, I write in full English as I too dislike text speak and every message is completely unique too.

I do completely agree that everyone's taste is individual though. It's just a little disappointing to write a profile that very very rarely even gets clicked on. As such at times it feels logging on here makes me a bit of a glutton for punishment haha.

I'm just wondering if I'm doing something else really obvious that's wrong like maybe people do in fact want to be sent a dick pic and go straight in for a dirty message?! I guess not though.

I try to behave how i would and do in 'real life' and to be respectful etc. I've met some great people on here on an old profile who have clearly since left the site so i know it can work but my view is that this time it's not difficult.

I also can't post a full face photo due to my job but I get the point about photos without the face, I just wish i was more creative! You girls have it slightly easier in that respect as you have nice areas to photograph! Nobody wants to see my bum, cock or nipples in a photo haha.

Sorry if all of this is a bit melodramatic. It's just a genuine thing as i feel like I'm doing it wrong.

Thanks all x

"

I have had the exact same problem - I did chat it over with a female friend that I’d met on here and she echoed a lot of the advice given by the other girls in this thread.

Like you I can’t put face pics on my public profile owing to my job but I do send one in all first messages which I also write as I would talk to someone in “real life”. Sometimes I get a response - most of the time they get deleted without reply lol!

Anyways, it’s all down to attraction. If the girls don’t fancy you then don’t take it personally- move on!

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