FabSwingers.com forum: Getting it Wrong! Advice Please

By *irtyBlue OP Man
over a year ago

Huddersfield

Hi folks,

I'm newly back on here. Having absolutely no success. Some advice would be very, very much appreciated.

I do have previous experience but it was all built off a club base. I don't want to go back to that tbh.

What I think I'm doing right:

I read the profile of the person I'm sending to.

I send a message crafted toward them. If their profile gives me more to work with I use it.

I only message girls I'm genuinely interested in.

None of my pics are rude, plenty of face pics. I'd save dick pics for WhatsApp if we get that far.

I've had some nice 'no thank you' messages from some which makes me think I'm on the right lines, maybe, but I'm having no success at all...

I don't really want to go back to the clubs, I'd just like to meet one or two naughty ladies to share fun times with...

What I'm doing wrong:

I tried Tinder, got some success, until I began exploring what my matches were in to sexually and so far it hasn't gone well.

Some advice would be greatly appreciated. I'm good at sex, it makes me feel alive, I make my partner feel alive and I love to share that.

I don't want to go back to the clubs.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"I'm a natural boundary pusher" what do you mean by that?

I have no advice, you seem to be doing everything that you possibly can. All I can suggest is patience

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By *rightonsteveMan
over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!

More photos maybe - a selection and variety, a bit more about what you can offer and why a lady should choose you. I’d lose the ‘professional’ bit - it’s very subjective, for example, I might be highly intelligent and think you’re a gormless twerp who is a professional burger maker. I don’t, of course, but try not to put people off. Sounds like you’re doing everything right. Join in on a social.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Having been on this site over the years, on and off since 2007, I concur with the fact it gets harder to meet people. If I remember right I might get back one message for ten sent.

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By *good-being-badMan
over a year ago

mis-types and auto corrects leads cock leeds

No matter what the words used in the message will change folks minds if they don't find you attractive.

Pictures attract and create interest words keep them

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By *ady LickWoman
over a year ago

Northampton Somewhere

Tall, able to accommodate, nice looking.....you should have a steady stream of ladies coming your way!!!

Are you messaging women who are looking for a guy like you?

I'd agree that you need a few more revealing but classy pics although the ones you have are nice we like to see a bit of arse!!

Ps if you move to Northampton, call me

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

It's a numbers thing - the number of messages sent until you get a match - if the message and profile is right, coupled with the volume of other single men and couples who are competing with you.

Your strategy seems pretty good, though your pics could potentially be more varied - you say you are in good shape but your pics don't back this up visually. Try to use pics where you are closer and use more of the photo space, so people get a clear view.

You're specific about wanting regular meets - this may discourage many who would potentially like to play things casually, not perceiving any pressure - though it's great you are honest.

Many guys expand to clubs or meet the woman on fab who only have meets at clubs, as these women find it less risky and gives them freedom. You're missing out on these fab women!

I thought that the boundaries pushing mention may deter some people too - mentioning this when you could potentially expand on more about you instead.

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By *essica jamiesonWoman
over a year ago

edinburgh

Natural boundary pusher? U need to write " looking for a lady who is after that then they can message u or not!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'd put more pictures on

For me personally it's all about instant attraction on here.

Your profile txt seems a bit technical to me all about your fetish interests

You come across rather business like.

Sorry you did ask.

Good luck tho.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm good at sex."

How do you know, OP?

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By *irtyBlue OP Man
over a year ago

Huddersfield

[Removed by poster at 05/11/18 14:19:51]

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By *irtyBlue OP Man
over a year ago

Huddersfield

"More photos maybe - a selection and variety, a bit more about what you can offer and why a lady should choose you. I’d lose the ‘professional’ bit - it’s very subjective, for example, I might be highly intelligent and think you’re a gormless twerp who is a professional burger maker. I don’t, of course, but try not to put people off. Sounds like you’re doing everything right. Join in on a social. "

Thanks for the advice, I'll bear that in mind when I next do my profile.

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By *irtyBlue OP Man
over a year ago

Huddersfield

""I'm a natural boundary pusher" what do you mean by that?

I have no advice, you seem to be doing everything that you possibly can. All I can suggest is patience"

This relates to several things really, like exploring those things a partner has said they've wanted to do but not yet done.

When you build rapport and can take things to another level, whatever that maybe for the person I'm with.

Lastly, repairing damage done by others, by broken trust and bad experiences. I'm not trying to be Marvin Gaye or anything, it can just be a beautiful, exciting thing to experience with someone when you help them past something and their barriers truly drop and their boundaries become unknown quantities to them.

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By *irtyBlue OP Man
over a year ago

Huddersfield

"It's a numbers thing - the number of messages sent until you get a match - if the message and profile is right, coupled with the volume of other single men and couples who are competing with you.

You're specific about wanting regular meets - this may discourage many who would potentially like to play things casually, not perceiving any pressure - though it's great you are honest.

Many guys expand to clubs or meet the woman on fab who only have meets at clubs, as these women find it less risky and gives them freedom. You're missing out on these fab women!

I thought that the boundaries pushing mention may deter some people too - mentioning this when you could potentially expand on more about you instead.

Thank you, again, some really good notes to consider on the profile edit.

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By *irtyBlue OP Man
over a year ago

Huddersfield

"I'd put more pictures on

For me personally it's all about instant attraction on here.

Your profile txt seems a bit technical to me all about your fetish interests

You come across rather business like.

Sorry you did ask.

Good luck tho."

I did ask, thank you for the honesty, I'll look at that tonight.

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By *irtyBlue OP Man
over a year ago

Huddersfield

"Natural boundary pusher? U need to write " looking for a lady who is after that then they can message u or not! "

Thank you, it is becoming apparent that I need to consider my style here.

Quality input, it is appreciated.

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By *irtyBlue OP Man
over a year ago

Huddersfield

""I'm good at sex."

How do you know, OP?"

Feedback, repeat requests.

Things like the following, the husband of a lady I had just had the pleasure of, turning to me and saying "that was amazing, did you hear what she said, she's never done that before, I can tell you she never has, thank you"...

One girl I really liked, several years ago and before I knew about swinging, she had been a swinger, amazing lady, she told me that the only connection she felt with me was sexual, but that it was incredible...I bumped into her last year, she's happy with 'the love of her life' now and as she embraced me she told me that sex with me was the best thing ever.

Let's be clear, I'm not the most confident in other areas of my life, I'm not swinging a monster or anything and its not always award winning but it is what I like the most in the this life and I'm good at it.

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By *irtyBlue OP Man
over a year ago

Huddersfield

[Removed by poster at 05/11/18 15:09:43]

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By *irtyBlue OP Man
over a year ago

Huddersfield

Thank you all for the feedback, I'll try and implement it over the next few days.

Here's hoping it has the desired affect.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

""I'm a natural boundary pusher" what do you mean by that?

I have no advice, you seem to be doing everything that you possibly can. All I can suggest is patience

This relates to several things really, like exploring those things a partner has said they've wanted to do but not yet done.

When you build rapport and can take things to another level, whatever that maybe for the person I'm with.

So you're looking for a long term relationship?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"No matter what the words used in the message will change folks minds if they don't find you attractive.

Pictures attract and create interest words keep them

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 05/11/18 21:30:41]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Be patient the right person or couple will approach you. People are chooses but right person with choice you.

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By *irtyBlue OP Man
over a year ago

Huddersfield

""I'm a natural boundary pusher" what do you mean by that?

I have no advice, you seem to be doing everything that you possibly can. All I can suggest is patience

This relates to several things really, like exploring those things a partner has said they've wanted to do but not yet done.

When you build rapport and can take things to another level, whatever that maybe for the person I'm with.

So you're looking for a long term relationship? "

Not necessarily, I'm open to one offs, especially with the right person.

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By *rsTrellisWoman
over a year ago

Cambridge

I think you sound and look lovely. Your posts on this thread come across well; clearly and naturally.

The “boundary pushing” line is a tricky one. Women who meet alone don’t start with “do I fancy this guy?”, they start with “will this guy hurt me when we are alone?” We look for clues and “boundary pushing” could mean “you tell me what you don’t want, and I’ll do it to you anyway”. Huge alarm bells. I know that’s not what you intend it to mean.

On a separate topic, your most recent pic (which is the one we see first when we look at your gallery) isn’t your best. You look really confused. Some of the others are lovely!

If I were local to you I’d be really interested in you based on how you come across in this thread as well as parts of your profile.

Good luck.

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