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Dilemma

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Ladies and gentlemen, I have a big dilemma!!! I am supposed to be getting married in the near future yet my wife to be barely comes near me, I have tried everything I can, but the past 6 months sex seems further away than holding hands, we went out tonight to have a few drinks and the minute we get home she gets naked and then falls asleep, I’m I being dramatic or is something seriously wrong????? Please help

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By *electableDalliancesCouple
over a year ago

leeds

The best advice is talk to your partner, only they can answer that question x

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Tried that you would not believe how many times

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By *electableDalliancesCouple
over a year ago

leeds

So don't marry her ? Do you want a life of frustration,lies, resentment and just general shittyness?

I doubt she does either ,so just be honest before you get married and save yourselves both the divorce fees.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

I think you might be right but I do not know how to do it

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By *electableDalliancesCouple
over a year ago

leeds

I'm struggling to ignore the glaring fact that you're asking this relationship advice on a swingers forum , that you've been a member of for over a year.

Maybe the fault isn't just at your partners feet for the discord in your relationship ... just talk to each other.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I'm struggling to ignore the glaring fact that you're asking this relationship advice on a swingers forum , that you've been a member of for over a year.

Maybe the fault isn't just at your partners feet for the discord in your relationship ... just talk to each other.

"

Possibly because he is on this site that's the reason for her disinterest, just a wild random thought.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

So you’re getting married OP , ain’t gonna last sorry to say . Just my opinion but all the best for a bumpy ride

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By *ynecplCouple
over a year ago

Newcastle upon Tyne

So he is on a swingers site.

Only advice is talk to her, if she won't talk about your relationship then think you should seriously consider call off the marriage. If you do marry and the current situation continues you will grow more and more frustrated and resentful inflicting pain on you both.

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By *sGivesWoodWoman
over a year ago

ST. AUSTELL, CORNWALL


"So don't marry her ? Do you want a life of frustration,lies, resentment and just general shittyness?

I doubt she does either ,so just be honest before you get married and save yourselves both the divorce fees."

Exactly this OP. Deal with it before it's too late. Easier to call off a wedding than end up with getting divorced.

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By *sGivesWoodWoman
over a year ago

ST. AUSTELL, CORNWALL


"I'm struggling to ignore the glaring fact that you're asking this relationship advice on a swingers forum , that you've been a member of for over a year.

Maybe the fault isn't just at your partners feet for the discord in your relationship ... just talk to each other.

"

And there's 2 sides to every story, we don't know hers.

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By *etLikeMan
over a year ago

most fundamental aspects


"I'm struggling to ignore the glaring fact that you're asking this relationship advice on a swingers forum , that you've been a member of for over a year.

Maybe the fault isn't just at your partners feet for the discord in your relationship ... just talk to each other.

And there's 2 sides to every story, we don't know hers. "

When relationship counsellors finally get a couple talking in a room, it’s amazing how what comes out, can have started as something trivial.

Maybe your partner would complain that “every time he comes near me, I want to but am so tired.... I wish he wouldn’t wait until last thing at night” or “I want him to change his deodorant, as it reminds me of a bad previous relationship and I just freeze”. Or even “I’m very fertile and since we decided to get married and stop using protection, I’m shit scared of getting pregnant”

There are a myriad of reasons. The big warning signal, is that the first thing to go in a relationship, is usually the sex and intimacy.

You either talk to her about this, or in the first instance talk to Relate. Yes, you can go to relationship counselling on your own. It might help with strategies to raise the subject. It is most likely to bring out what it may be about YOU which may be blocking sex and communication. And when you do talk to a professional counsellor, please be fully honest, including that you are on a swingers’ site. They’ve heard a lot worse, so don’t hold back.

The last option might be that she is simply saving herself for marriage. It sounds as if you were having sex up until six months ago, so this sounds unlikely but possible.

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By *allySlinkyWoman
over a year ago

Leeds

Maybe she finds the smell of your smoking offputting

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By *alcon43Woman
over a year ago

Paisley

What’s keeping you together? As another post above says cancel the wedding and save on divorce costs. Would you stay together if you weren’t engaged?

The advice above about Relate is really good too. Hope you come to a decision soon before you’ve ordered the wedding cake.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Open up to her, be raw and honest. Worst case scenario you don’t spend your life in frustration. Best case, you fix it and live happily ever after. Relationships aren’t about how amazing it is all the time, they take work and sometimes it’s hard. Loving someone through the hard parts is what makes good relationships good. Get through those difficult parts together. This is how raw I would be personally. It’s only an example of what I would say to give an idea but I hope it helps. I’ve been in your position and it really breaks you down. Sit her down quietly for this conversation. It’s not an argument, but rather you just opening up and being vulnerable.

“Honey, there’s an issue that we need to talk about. I can’t help but feel that you don’t want to be intimate with me anymore. Is there something that we need to focus on to fix this? It’s really hurting me every time I think you don’t want me”

Something like that. Make it your own, think about what’s really bothering you and be calm about it and just tell her. If she’s going to be your life partner then you need to be able to talk to each other - both ways. Good luck

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