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Rules of the game

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By *ash1001 OP   Man
over a year ago

Norwich

OK I've tried and tried but it strikes me that there are so many clicks of people on here that when a new person joins the site they are kept at arms length by everyone. I know that there will be unwritten rules and guide lines and there are protocols to follow, but how are newcomers meant to learn if no one will help them. it cant all be trial and error surely?

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By *he devil wears pradaWoman
over a year ago

gosport ish

Oh dear how negative are you op? Woe is me. Try looking a tad closer to home, your profile. Good luck

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

maybe consider that people you message are going to check your profile before even opening a message....if theres nothing there, there's not much point reading the message...

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By *he devil wears pradaWoman
over a year ago

gosport ish


"OK I've tried and tried but it strikes me that there are so many clicks of people on here that when a new person joins the site they are kept at arms length by everyone. I know that there will be unwritten rules and guide lines and there are protocols to follow, but how are newcomers meant to learn if no one will help them. it cant all be trial and error surely?"
Thank you for the rude message op because I made a comment on this thread, uncalled for

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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk

There are no unwritten rules and no cliques.

Perhaps you haven't made the effort in the necessary areas.

It's easy to blame everyone else for your lack of success but you'll find you need to look closer to home if you want better results.

If you wish to respond to this please do so on this thread.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

think he's shot himself in the foot there...maybe a lack of manners is equally at fault if that's his response to an opinion...makes you wonder what his reponse to a 'no thank you' usually is...

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By *ash1001 OP   Man
over a year ago

Norwich

This was not an attempt to seek sympathy more an open request for advice and assistance if I have offended people then I apologise however, the response did seem somewhat barbed. And I apologise if I come across as sensative but taking the first steps on an unfamiliar road is often fraught and stressful all I'm asking for is some guidance

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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk


"think he's shot himself in the foot there...maybe a lack of manners is equally at fault if that's his response to an opinion...makes you wonder what his reponse to a 'no thank you' usually is..."

Unfortunately a lot of guys in this area think waving their cock about is the ultimate in seduction and that's all it should take.

I suspect all the trying he's done is sending out multitudes of poor messages, not realising that the women here are the same women found in "real life" and that the social skills required are the same.

Any person, male or female, who is rude in response to getting an answer they didn't want to hear merely further confirms the validity of that answer.

Anyone who looks for hidden protocols would do better to try basic, everyday social skills first.

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By *ash1001 OP   Man
over a year ago

Norwich

When as is frequently the way I get no thank you then I leave it at that. No after all means no.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

ok well, the best thing you can do is search 'profile advice' in the forum,and you will find tons and tons of it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Tbh there is nothing in your profile or photos that aren't on 1000's of profiles already so I'm not sure what makes you stand out from the crowd. Think about it this way...... In a bar full of men what is it about you that would attract a women to you rather than someone else?!

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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk

Consider being the new guy in any social group, OP. You're a stranger. You will be kept at arms length until you introduce yourself and show yourself to be a person the others want to get to know.

Think about how you're introducing yourself, how you are coming across to other people and what they can see of you and if that is likely to interest them.

There are a lot of guys to relatively few women and couples here. A few of us have estimated that depending on area, men actively looking for meets outnumber women actively looking for meets by between 10 and 15 to 1. It's hard work for guys to get noticed on here. You need to be 'advertising' yourself to your best advantage, showing you're someone women should want to meet and being patient. Negativity never helps and nor does blaming the site or anyone else for a lack of success.

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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk

Referring to it as a game, as per your thread title also puts me off. I can't put into words exactly why though.

The women here aren't some kind of prize for playing a game

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By *ash1001 OP   Man
over a year ago

Norwich

Again I apologise for the poor choice of words. In my day to day life I am extremely confident but that seem's to have disappeared in my social life. It leaves me at some what of a disadvantage when attempting to engage with attractive ladies. All of whom appear to be super confident. But I will persevere and hopefully with patience from you ladies I will succeed. Thank you for the advice I am assuming the few pictures I have are in need of upgrading as well.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The site isnt at fault, and nor are the people you are messaging. Id hasten to say its you either, i mean it could be but ultimately i dont know what you are sending these girls so i couldnt comment.

There are however, simple facts that need to be understood in this game. They arent always fair, they arent always accepted by all, and they arent always something you are going to be able to work with. They are simply facts of life.

As has already been stated - Women are outnumbered on this site, and in the swinging world in general by a significant order of magnitude. As a result they can afford to be very very picky, and they can perhaps more importantly afford to be very very lazy.

Ultimately as a single male, you have two choices. Put in a lot of work at the outset to "Prove yourself" in some way to women, while most of them will still completely ignore you because of their own various reasons usually related to attraction. Or be insanely physically attractive. Those are your options in this life.

If you cant do the latter, and you arent prepared to do the former, walk away now because you will get nowhere.

None of it is in the least bit fair, but biology isnt fair. Yes, you are expected to work at this while women can sit back and wait for the right match to come along, yes its plain to anyone with half a brain that this situation isnt equal. But thems the breaks.

Further, there is definitely a form of "critical mass" effect with regards to meets and verifications. Starting out is the hardest part. Once you have a few positive verifications under your belt its far far easier, this is ultimately no different to the outside world. Your verifications are your social proof, and once you have them even unattractive people can become part of the cliques and obtain meets that you right now can only dream of.

Its up to you to decide whether or not the juice is worth the squeeze. Personally for me and L it still is, for now, because we have specific requirements that are hard to realise on vanilla street. But as a single male, unless you are specifically looking for kink and/or group sex, id give up, get on Tinder/POF and get your jollies there. Because its far far easier.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

OP if you do a search for profile advice that maybe a good place to start.

Social skills, as someone has pointed out, are needed on here and in the swinging scene in general. The people who don't understand that will fail miserably. Treat the ladies and couples here with respect. Whilst there is no clique per se yes we do talk to each other, and if you are rude and abusive to people then you will quickly find out how small the swinging community it.

Be respectful. Chat to people and enjoy.

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By *ash1001 OP   Man
over a year ago

Norwich

Working on my social skills is clearly the key along with a makeover on not just my profile but my self thank you to everyone for your candid advice and I will heed everything that is said I am no above working hard at this to succeed. Once more I offer my humblest apologise to anyone who may have been offended in any way by my request for knowledge and I hope that in future I manage to meet some of you in this wonderful exotic world of swinging.

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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk

[Removed by poster at 28/06/16 13:42:25]

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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk


"As a result they can afford to be very very picky, and they can perhaps more importantly afford to be very very lazy.""

Some are, certainly. However, please compare the effort I've put into my profile to that of the OP. My photos aren't great but compare them to the OP's.

I've been to numerous group socials, travelling as far as West Bromich and Sheffield to do so. How many has the OP been to and how far has he travelled?

Also, I don't sit back and wait to be messaged. I look for potential matches and will message first. I put effort into those messages and write each one to the individual person, tailored to them specifically if possible.

I don't think I'm lazy compared to most of the guys on here who complain they can't get meets.

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By *ash1001 OP   Man
over a year ago

Norwich

Hard work never killed anyone and I am more than prepared for the knock backs that come along. It just seemed to me that I needed to get advice to understand where I was failing. Further to your comment about kink that is why I am here after 18 years of vanilla in a failed relationship I want to explore the darker side of life so to speak.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"As a result they can afford to be very very picky, and they can perhaps more importantly afford to be very very lazy."

Some are, certainly. However, please compare the effort I've put into my profile to that of the OP. My photos aren't great but compare them to the OP's.

I've been to numerous group socials, travelling as far as West Bromich and Sheffield to do so. How many has the OP been to and how far has he travelled?

Also, I don't sit back and wait to be messaged. I look for potential matches and will message first. I put effort into those messages and write each one to the individual person, tailored to them specifically if possible.

I don't think I'm lazy compared to most of the guys on here who complain they can't get meets."

I'm not suggesting for a second yours is, you have clearly put a lot of thought into your profile and it would suggest you would be proactive in other areas.

Ultimately theres not even anything wrong with being lazy in this context, people can put as much into this as they want to, the only difference is in what they can expect to get out of the other end of it.

For males, and couples seeking females - Put nothing in, get nothing out.

For females seeking, well pretty much anything but especially males - Put nothing in, get pretty much the same out as someone who worked their ass off.

OP does need to recognise that inequality of outcome to understand why he isnt getting the results he is seeking, to manage his expectations.

Certainly a lot of people are very proactive, even some of the single females. But most of them arent sadly. I mean ultimately as i look at our message history the majority of the messages we have sent in the last week or so havent even been read, nor deleted. So its difficult to imagine its the content that is putting people off if they arent even reading it.

The few that have read and responded have been very keen, and then ghosted after requesting our direct contact details. Which frankly is more irritating than simply being ignored.

And thats why frankly we refuse to write out full essays on our first messages, or sit and craft exquisite wit for their benefit, only for it not to even be read. We send out something relatively generic for the first message and if they actually respond, great, they are now on our radar.

If that doesnt get us anywhere, well thats life, we're too old for that shit.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"OK I've tried and tried but it strikes me that there are so many clicks of people on here that when a new person joins the site they are kept at arms length by everyone. I know that there will be unwritten rules and guide lines and there are protocols to follow, but how are newcomers meant to learn if no one will help them. it cant all be trial and error surely?"

Some folk know others, sure, but there is no clique and this is not a closed community.

Present a good and pleasant face, be respectful, show personality and enjoy yourself.

It is not too different to real life.

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