FabSwingers.com forum: Honesty doesn't seem to pay

By *ensualguy10 OP Man
over a year ago

north yorkshire

On my profile I admit to being married but I also say why I am on here. Even though I am verified as genuine most peeps simply ignore my messages. Is it just me??

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No it's that your married need say no more

* gets bk in coffin *

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"No it's that your married need say no more

* gets bk in coffin * "

this.

Loss of libido, whether true or not is not a reason to cheat, to most people.

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By *ensualguy10 OP Man
over a year ago

north yorkshire

forgive me for being naive but isn't this site for people who enjoy and want sex??

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"forgive me for being naive but isn't this site for people who enjoy and want sex??"

Yes it is,but its not a site where women help married men cheat.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"forgive me for being naive but isn't this site for people who enjoy and want sex??"

And that has what to do with not liking people who cheat?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"On my profile I admit to being married but I also say why I am on here. Even though I am verified as genuine most peeps simply ignore my messages. Is it just me??"
...Honesty

your married does your wife know your looking for sex on a * swingers * site ???

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By *ensualguy10 OP Man
over a year ago

north yorkshire

Ouch! Love my wife but not ready to live the life of a monk just yet!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just because this is a swing site does not mean women will shag someone just because they have recieved an email,most people on here have morals and will not meet married guys.

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By *ensualguy10 OP Man
over a year ago

north yorkshire

she know I go on contact sites but doesn't ask questions. She knows our marriage is secure.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I guess what she knows and what 1000s of people this site care about, are not one and the same.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"she know I go on contact sites but doesn't ask questions. She knows our marriage is secure."
....... well thats great then sorted

* Gets bk in coffin *

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

so because she may be middle aged and scared of being on her own so may not comment on your being on contact sites as you put it that makes it ok? cheating is cheating is cheating...THAT is what most people are put off with.Having been both cheated on and unknowingly been the other woman( married guy saying he was single and wife contacted me)I can say that neither side of the coin feels nice...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The mistake married people make to me personally is not the fact that they are honest in their profile

But the fact that they come onto the forums and start a public debate about cheating

Instead of keeping a low profile and getting on with it

I see loads of profiles with "im married" in them and honesty is the best policy and most of those have had meets

However the thing i dont see is them trying to justify themselves on the forums lol

Nobody's perfect we all have our reasons for doing the things we do

Its just if that its an emotive subject we usually keep our heads down xx

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By *im53Man
over a year ago

Boldon

"On my profile I admit to being married but I also say why I am on here. Even though I am verified as genuine most peeps simply ignore my messages. Is it just me??"

have you not noticed that most guys come on here to winge that they dont get any replies

so you are no different to any other guy in getting no replies.

plus being married puts you even lower down the list, as has been said lots of ladies dont like cheaters

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The mistake married people make to me personally is not the fact that they are honest in their profile

But the fact that they come onto the forums and start a public debate about cheating

Instead of keeping a low profile and getting on with it

I see loads of profiles with "im married" in them and honesty is the best policy and most of those have had meets

However the thing i dont see is them trying to justify themselves on the forums lol

Nobody's perfect we all have our reasons for doing the things we do

Its just if that its an emotive subject we usually keep our heads down xx

Couldn't have put it better myself!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think it's you.

Your profile to be fair says you are married. Then asks people to avoid judging you until they know the reason you are cheating on your wife.

You then dont explain the reason.

I think people draw their own conclusions.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Let's make up some statistics. It's fun. Bear with me.

We look at single guys profiles. A 1000 of them.

997 say they are single.

2 say they are married and have their wifes acceptance and she'll even verify that.

1 says he's cheating and please don't judge him.

Seriously.

You expect to get anything with those odds? And I'm being nice, there's far more than 1000 single guys here. Why even bother with the cheater?

It's like going to tesco and buying the 1 apple thats rotton.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think it's you.

Your profile to be fair says you are married. Then asks people to avoid judging you until they know the reason you are cheating on your wife.

You then dont explain the reason.

I think people draw their own

conclusions."

but is there ever a valid reason for cheating on a spouse?I don't think so...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

but is there ever a valid reason for cheating on a spouse?I don't think so..."

Been trying to honestly think of one... but I can't. Even if the spouse was the worst person in the world, better to leave than to cheat.

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By *oe_Steve_NWestCouple
over a year ago

Bolton

but is there ever a valid reason for cheating on a spouse?I don't think so...

Been trying to honestly think of one... but I can't. Even if the spouse was the worst person in the world, better to leave than to cheat."

If you dicussed this issue with your wife and came to an understanding about it then that would be totally different, potential meets could chat with her to confirm that she's happy with the set up. Another reason why people may not respond to you may be that they simply don't fancy you? Z

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"On my profile I admit to being married but I also say why I am on here. Even though I am verified as genuine most peeps simply ignore my messages. Is it just me??"

Why not just have a laugh and enjoy speaking to some of the great people on here in the chatrooms. If there's anyway for a single guy to make in roads then that's the way to do it. At least people get to know who you are first. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to realise that men are going to have to try alot harder than couples or even single women to arrange meets so there's no point moaning about it. And I also agree with other posts that saying you're married is a big obstacle. When you say that you're married it doesn't mean that all is then ok. It means that you have allowed all other users to make the decision as to whether or not they want to get involved with someone married and you cannot dictate to them on a forum post on how they should behave. And think about the emails they must get. Put it this way, have you ever opened your hotmail account and been bombarded with emails asking you to send money to a Nigerian prince or even enlarge your cock? (not that I have to enlarge mine, lol

Just have a laugh mate and enjoy yourself. You seem to be too self analytical. There are specific sites for people who want to cheat if that's what you want. But do remember this!!! Fabswingers is a community and has thrived on a common interest of fun, broadening horizons and making friends albeit in a sexy way. Saying that i've yet to arrange a meet on here but do enjoy chatting with folks and reading the forums. It's very, very enlightening.

Jimbo...

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By *he_original_poloWoman
over a year ago

a Primark shoebox in Leicester

"On my profile I admit to being married but I also say why I am on here. Even though I am verified as genuine most peeps simply ignore my messages. Is it just me??"

Short answer... yes... it is you.

Longer answer:

1 - you're married... that will put most but not all people off.

2 - Of the ones who aren't put off... they still have to find you appealling in one way or another... so that cuts down the numbers again.

3 - men are 10 a penny on here (not that they should be treated as such)... but a lot of women and couples can have their pick of the crop.

4 - there are some mighty damn fine hotty-totty guys on here!

5 - when you do eventually find someone who is interested you may find you are in a queue.

6 - people on here may well be interested in recreational sex... it don't mean we are all willing to just fuck anything just because someone else is gagging.

7 - Many people who have been on the scene a while already have a stable circle of playmates and so don't feel the need to add new ones as often.

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By *ruitWoman
over a year ago

near kings lynn

You say honesty is the best policy in your header of this thread.

Are you being honest with your wife???? No your not(unless you havent told her that she knows your on this site and is happy with you doing it)

So you are being very hypricitical arent you.

Your honest with thousands of people on fab who you dont know but the one person your supposed to care about(your wife encase your missing this) is the one your lying to.

Sorry that sounds rude but you did ask.

As a single woman I get lots of offers which is lovely and most are from single men.

Whhy as said before would I choose to meet the "rotten apple" as said before when there are thousands of juicy red ones with sparkling skins are are not attatched to a woman at home who hasnt a clue of her cheating partner.

This site isnt here for men/women who are just on here to cheat.

A large amount of this site want to meet honest people who are completely honest with prospective meets and if they cant do that with their won partner at home then no thanks for me.

As a single male your profile has to stand out for a good reason.

Maybe well written with lots of great personality in it or extreemly handsome or amazing comments..... plus more.

Yours will stand out as a cheater first and foremost if it states your married.

If a guy has a partner/wife and is hiding that from fab too then thats makes him even lower on the attractivness scale.

Maybe you should encourage her to come on here and maybe she will get some damn good sex as there are hundreds of single men ready to show her a good time.

Please stop being selfish and be prepaired for a honest conversation.

Us swingers are not here to replace what you have maybe lost with your wife(hence being on here)we are here to enjoy sex with honest people with no wifey hidden away at home.

Apologies if you dont like this reply but hope it makes you think and respect other swingers and morals even if you have none.

Good luck x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"forgive me for being naive but isn't this site for people who enjoy and want sex??"

yes it is but most people on here do not like the thought of some woman sat at home looking after the kids while her hubbies out shagging, personally i dont care what other people do, its your marrage you do with it as you wish, but i will not play any part in hurting another woman, and if she finds out hurt she will be, some people dont care about your other half or her feelings as long as they get a fuck, thats not for me and lots of other people feel the same

But you have been verified so some people are still willing to meet you, so it is working for you x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 07/07/10 15:29:21]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

6 - people on here may well be interested in recreational sex... it don't mean we are all willing to just fuck anything just because someone else is gagging.

Oh well im off then xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

When I found out my ex was on here as a single man, it ripped the bottom out of my world.

So like Naughty Nympho, I'd not be a part of doing that to someone else. I knew a small part of it for weeks, but until I had the whole picture, which I knew I'd never get from him, I stuck around and did my research. Didn't mean I didn't mind. Didn't mean it didn't crucify me when I saw he was on the Meet Today list when he was going away for a few days.

So not a chance I would meet a married man. No excuses. "For better, for worse; in sickness, in health." If you became impotent, you'd like it if she started seeing another guy yes? "More of a man," someone who could give her what she wanted.

Judgemental? On this one, yes. Do what makes you happy - but don't complain when someone else doesn't want to be a part of it.

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By *arlot ScarlettWoman
over a year ago

Bolton

"On my profile I admit to being married but I also say why I am on here. Even though I am verified as genuine most peeps simply ignore my messages. Is it just me??"

It may not be because you're married at all, could be your looks?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

ive met married giys cos physically or mentally they were what i was looking for ,didnt really nbother me that they were married but what i cant understand is why guys stay with women who arent satisfying them on every level ??it honestly does no one any favours for aguy to stay with a wife when they no longer love them ..my ex said hed wanted to leave me for 15 years i really wish he had left me 15 years before he did, my life has been so much better as a single lady .u should be enjoying life as a single guy not cheating behind her back

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By *stwoCouple
over a year ago

anywhere

would you let us speak to your wife on the phone first to confirm she doesnt mind what you are doing?if not its not what this site is about.

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By *unPeteMan
over a year ago

Near Bristol

You might be better off considering your wife!

- has your wife seen her doctor? a treatable underlying health problem could cause lack of libido

- counselling could identify some small marital problems that have built up over the years and have put her off sex but could easily be resolved

- is she unhappy, tired or stressed with work or family life?

- does she lack confidence because erm ... you're on here looking for shags

- if it's been over a year, why not try again? flowers, chocs, hotel in romantic setting away from the tired boring routine of life?

Also, your profile doesn't give the reason why you're on here as a married man; you've hidden your verifications; as a 'single' man who cannot accommodate you might be doing no worse than other men on here; maybe you're not everybody's cup of tea!

Hope you work things out anyway

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

Sounds like Relate in here

To the OP, yes, being married will be a factor why you may not get meets,but there are also lots of factors. There are a lot of single men or men playing alone on this site, so there is a lot to choose from for those of us who are looking for them.

What I will say is, forum posters are only a very small part of the site, and there are people I know of who play with married men, so you may get lucky..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why would a man leave a wife he loves who has just lost her libido when he can scratch his itch on women on adult sites who are happy to be his itching post?!!

"ive met married giys cos physically or mentally they were what i was looking for ,didnt really nbother me that they were married but what i cant understand is why guys stay with women who arent satisfying them on every level ??it honestly does no one any favours for aguy to stay with a wife when they no longer love them ..my ex said hed wanted to leave me for 15 years i really wish he had left me 15 years before he did, my life has been so much better as a single lady .u should be enjoying life as a single guy not cheating behind her back "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"forgive me for being naive but isn't this site for people who enjoy and want sex??"

Enjoying and wanting sex is one thing - cheating is another.

You'll find (and as I haven't read all of this thread, forgive me if I'm repeating what's already been said) the swinging lifestyle is about mutual trust and so get to the point, most swingers are dead against people who cheat.

Now in your defence, some people cheat but pretend that they are single bla bla bla - at least you've been honest and admitted where you're at, but the fact remains you are still cheating and the majority of people on this type of site frown upon it.

Maybe you need to try a dating site where this type of action is more widely tolerated ?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Why would a man leave a wife he loves who has just lost her libido when he can scratch his itch on women on adult sites who are happy to be his itching post?!!

whered oes it say on his profile he stillloves his wife ? and excuse me??? no itching post here ......always my decision who i meet

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

to the op, let us know when you get a meet, then we will pop round and see if we can sort out your wifes libido while your out.

Think about it how would you feel about that.

This is what most people think when they see people cheating on her.

And if your wife really does know and wants you to have sex with others, wouldnt an escort be a better solution, no feelings involed then?

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

But wouldn't you be then playing with someone who was cheating if you went round and played with his wife while he was out ?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

dam didnt think of that

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

PS NSA sex on a swinging site won't have any emotion in it, but to be honest paying an Escort and having NSA sex is still cheating.

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By *ruitWoman
over a year ago

near kings lynn

If the OPs wife was agreeable to him swinging then that is different and not what I would describe cheating as everyone is aware.

What this is all about it shtta his wife doesnt know and hasnt been told or it been discussed with her.

I do notice that the OP hasnt been on here since starting the post(unless he has commented on his original posting but I have forgotten)

I cant imagine he will actually as not getting many people saying good on ya man or not many saying that they are happy to meet married men behind their partners backs.

I know there are a number of people who will meet a married man ans that is their choice but cant imagine the OP is really prepaired to come on here and discuss further or take the critisism on the chin. I expect he will now hide away and continue as he has been doing.

Remember everyone does have their won opinions but alot of people do have very strong opinions but naturally asking the question on the open forums are opening yourself up for people throwing daggers at you lol.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

wish i hadnt posted now, it was just my opinion, and if you read again about the escort bit you will understand what im saying

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

[Removed by poster at 08/07/10 10:34:51]

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

"wish i hadnt posted now, it was just my opinion, and if you read again about the escort bit you will understand what im saying"

Don't get upset, I was just disagreeing with what you said xx

I was just saying wether he is paying for it or finding it on here, both are cheating and both can be done without any emotion x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Why would a man leave a wife he loves who has just lost her libido when he can scratch his itch on women on adult sites who are happy to be his itching post?!!

whered oes it say on his profile he stillloves his wife ? and excuse me??? no itching post here ......always my decision who i meet "

It was a general response to yours, questioning why someone would stay if they weren't being satisfied on every level.

There are different kinds of relationships that work well for those involved. Just because someone is not getting sex at home doesn't mean they will up and leave: I have friends in that situation. Some seek it elsewhere, some go on adult sites and chat...with the view of possibly taking it further and some see it as the worse part of their wedding vows and wouldn't contemplate looking elsewhere.

As for being a scratching post aren't we all to a degree?!! You don't meet people if you don't feel horny...some of us just prefer not to scratch the itch of married men!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Reminds me of a series I used to watch. The husband was moaning to his pals that his wife had no libido and if she didn't change soon he would have to find another woman.

Turned out while he was at work she was making porn films all day to fund her shoe collection.

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By *ruitWoman
over a year ago

near kings lynn

"Reminds me of a series I used to watch. The husband was moaning to his pals that his wife had no libido and if she didn't change soon he would have to find another woman.

Turned out while he was at work she was making porn films all day to fund her shoe collection.

Am loving that.

Being lied to about a partner is awful to be on the receiving end. I do speak from experience as many have too.

I did meet a man when I first began swinging and new he was married but knoew his family circumstances and why there was no sex in the marriage. Anyway long story short we met once in the city and kept in touch after as friends for a number of years.

His wife found a credit card purchase for some fish nets that he got from ann summers. This put a question in his wifes mind and then she went through every account statement they had for a number of years including the hotel he paid for us to stay in when we met.

There marriage was ruined and I felt mortified that I had contributed. I know if it wasnt me it would have been someone else. Incidently the fish nets were for him to wear not me lol.

His marriage about 4 years on still isnt good and he hangs on because of the kids and the fact he cant afford to leave really even if he wanted to.

He does pay(cash) for escorts still occasionslly. But in general his marriage is ruined.

To the OP please consider your wife and your kids if you have them.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Reminds me of a series I used to watch. The husband was moaning to his pals that his wife had no libido and if she didn't change soon he would have to find another woman.

Turned out while he was at work she was making porn films all day to fund her shoe collection.

i know and met a guy that used to cheat on his wife, didnt know he was cheating told everyone he was single, anyway she found out what he was upto and said either they did it together or she was leaving him (see to all you cheating guys some wife do actually want to do it too lol) so anyway they swung as a couple, he really didnt like it, couldnt handle all the attention she was getting etc and in the end told her he wanted them to stop, her reply to this was....thats ok i've met someone else im leaving you anyway lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Turned out while he was at work she was making porn films all day to fund her shoe collection.

So these film shoots do they pay cash or by cheque as ive just about run up my cards ??

Back to OP i have been on here now for a while as a single woman even though i am married but also my husband knows exactly where i am and who with on any meet but if i were to find out a guy who had arranged a meet with me was married and going behind his wife's back that would be the end of it and i wouldnt personally meet him xxx Lois xxx

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By *abioMan
over a year ago

Newcastle and Gateshead

interesting reading this... because I will hold up my hand and say that I do play with married women who are on here alone.... but only after I have spoken to hubby first to make sure he is 100% aware and happy with it.....

I think that is the difference.......

swinging with consent and every is happy and aware..

Swinging without consent to most people that is cheating.....

I do have one simple question for the OP, but I doubt they would ever come back to this thread.....

Lets play devils advocate....

if the situations were reversed... how would you feel? just curious to know....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"interesting reading this... because I will hold up my hand and say that I do play with married women who are on here alone.... but only after I have spoken to hubby first to make sure he is 100% aware and happy with it.....

I think that is the difference.......

swinging with consent and every is happy and aware..

Swinging without consent to most people that is cheating.....

I do have one simple question for the OP, but I doubt they would ever come back to this thread.....

Lets play devils advocate....

if the situations were reversed... how would you feel? just curious to know...."

somewhere in all the comments, someone has said that he has stopped commenting so i guess he gets the message

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