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"It's not just me then" No. Same boat for a couple of years. Didn’t want to pester her. So I have now been on here for a while. | |||
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"You may not be aware of this but withholding sex is a common form of domestic abuse. Thats not to say one should force the issue, but if you have spoken with each and they still not interested. Essentially it's a form of control." How are these men being controlled? They feel free to seek sex elsewhere | |||
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"I my in the same boat 5 years but got a leg over 1 month back couldn’t really call it that as she came then just rolled over didn’t try to make me cum I like the thought that it’s control over us never thought of it that way " Can you explain in what way you feel controlled? I'm not disagreeing I'd genuinely like to know. I can understand that a woman or man might withhold sex to try and make a partner do something e.g. 'I'm not having sex with you until you but me a pair of Jimmy Choos/new car/Harley' and controlling that way. | |||
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"I my in the same boat 5 years but got a leg over 1 month back couldn’t really call it that as she came then just rolled over didn’t try to make me cum I like the thought that it’s control over us never thought of it that way Can you explain in what way you feel controlled? I'm not disagreeing I'd genuinely like to know. I can understand that a woman or man might withhold sex to try and make a partner do something e.g. 'I'm not having sex with you until you but me a pair of Jimmy Choos/new car/Harley' and controlling that way."  I think that's a very interesting question, but maybe you should answer it in private | |||
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"I my in the same boat 5 years but got a leg over 1 month back couldn’t really call it that as she came then just rolled over didn’t try to make me cum I like the thought that it’s control over us never thought of it that way Can you explain in what way you feel controlled? I'm not disagreeing I'd genuinely like to know. I can understand that a woman or man might withhold sex to try and make a partner do something e.g. 'I'm not having sex with you until you but me a pair of Jimmy Choos/new car/Harley' and controlling that way. I think that's a very interesting question, but maybe you should answer it in private"Answer my own question?  | |||
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"I lost my sex drive when I was with my second partner. I left him in 1998. I realised it wasn't going to work because I had gone off him, not sex. As soon as I met someone who I found attractive I was back on the horse. Riding. I've never gone off sex but I have gone off people." My wife lost interest in sex with her last husband, but then had an affair with his best friend. She split from her husband and I met her, she was a horny slur and I loved it. She used to still fuck her ex husbands friend and also met people in clubs with me etc. but now she has no interest in me and says she doe t want sex with others, but I agree that if she met the right guy, it would get her back enjoying sex. I’d love her to find someone to reignite her sex drive. | |||
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"Now I just need to find the elusive willing female" I'd change your profile pic then! | |||
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"My wife and I haven’t had sex for years. We love each other as much as we ever have and get on really well, but I miss the intimacy. I can cope without the sex but sadly we never kiss, never cuddle, never touch each other intimately with the exception of she let me shave her before we went on holiday in readiness for us going nude on the beach. The only other thing we do is hold hands. I’ve accepted it now but it still upsets me. I live in eternal hope that one day things will change " I feel for you, since opening this post I realise there are men worse off than me! I hope things improve for you. | |||
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"You may not be aware of this but withholding sex is a common form of domestic abuse. Thats not to say one should force the issue, but if you have spoken with each and they still not interested. Essentially it's a form of control." Never heard such rubbish and yes I know what I’m talking about! | |||
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"Exactly the same menopause and no sex for neatly 2 years she doesn't understand how bad it makes me fell " Communicate this with her. | |||
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"You may not be aware of this but withholding sex is a common form of domestic abuse. Thats not to say one should force the issue, but if you have spoken with each and they still not interested. Essentially it's a form of control. Never heard such rubbish and yes I know what I’m talking about!" It's not control as in making someone do something, but it is a form of control in that some women are restricting someone from doing something they want to do because the woman doesn't feel like doing it. Now, on a one off basis that's OK but when it starts to get to years and some cases here, decades, those women are still expecting that man to accept it and be faithful. It's completely unrealistic. Of course that's just a general view, everyone will have different reasons why it's happening and why they are still putting up with it. And I must add no woman should feel like they HAVE to do it, but there is a consequence. | |||
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"You may not be aware of this but withholding sex is a common form of domestic abuse. Thats not to say one should force the issue, but if you have spoken with each and they still not interested. Essentially it's a form of control. Never heard such rubbish and yes I know what I’m talking about! It's not control as in making someone do something, but it is a form of control in that some women are restricting someone from doing something they want to do because the woman doesn't feel like doing it. Now, on a one off basis that's OK but when it starts to get to years and some cases here, decades, those women are still expecting that man to accept it and be faithful. It's completely unrealistic. Of course that's just a general view, everyone will have different reasons why it's happening and why they are still putting up with it. And I must add no woman should feel like they HAVE to do it, but there is a consequence. " I wonder how much control *some* men are exerting by withholding emotional intimacy. The hand holding, laying in each others arms talking about how you feel and listening to each other, holding each other and not expecting it to lead to sex, intimate discussions about how each other feels that sort of thing. No man should feel he has to do these things but there will be consequences if he doesn't . | |||
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"You may not be aware of this but withholding sex is a common form of domestic abuse. Thats not to say one should force the issue, but if you have spoken with each and they still not interested. Essentially it's a form of control. Never heard such rubbish and yes I know what I’m talking about! It's not control as in making someone do something, but it is a form of control in that some women are restricting someone from doing something they want to do because the woman doesn't feel like doing it. Now, on a one off basis that's OK but when it starts to get to years and some cases here, decades, those women are still expecting that man to accept it and be faithful. It's completely unrealistic. Of course that's just a general view, everyone will have different reasons why it's happening and why they are still putting up with it. And I must add no woman should feel like they HAVE to do it, but there is a consequence. I wonder how much control *some* men are exerting by withholding emotional intimacy. The hand holding, laying in each others arms talking about how you feel and listening to each other, holding each other and not expecting it to lead to sex, intimate discussions about how each other feels that sort of thing. No man should feel he has to do these things but there will be consequences if he doesn't ." Absolutely. 2 sides to every story... | |||
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"You may not be aware of this but withholding sex is a common form of domestic abuse. Thats not to say one should force the issue, but if you have spoken with each and they still not interested. Essentially it's a form of control. Never heard such rubbish and yes I know what I’m talking about! It's not control as in making someone do something, but it is a form of control in that some women are restricting someone from doing something they want to do because the woman doesn't feel like doing it. Now, on a one off basis that's OK but when it starts to get to years and some cases here, decades, those women are still expecting that man to accept it and be faithful. It's completely unrealistic. Of course that's just a general view, everyone will have different reasons why it's happening and why they are still putting up with it. And I must add no woman should feel like they HAVE to do it, but there is a consequence. I wonder how much control *some* men are exerting by withholding emotional intimacy. The hand holding, laying in each others arms talking about how you feel and listening to each other, holding each other and not expecting it to lead to sex, intimate discussions about how each other feels that sort of thing. No man should feel he has to do these things but there will be consequences if he doesn't ."  | |||
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"Not had sex with my wife for over 11yrs! Due to her arthritis which makes sex painful for her! I would love some fun but no one on here is interested in married men! And then you get others who condemn you for cheating!" Same length of time without sex with my wife. Totally agree no one (m or f) seem interested. | |||
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"Is she getting it elsewhere???" I’ve always wondered about this as I’ve spoken to many women that can’t imagine going one week without any sex | |||
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She keeps telling me to go find people for fun, but always feel guilty at the thought of it, so I haven’t been able to pull the trigger.
It gets to me at times because I feel I’ve missed out in a big part of life, when I was at my prime
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"Hi - female of the couple here. For fear of sounding like a stuck record / boring any other reasons we are all wired differently, yes we are all human but when things happen we react differently. I was in a marriage and no sex after had kids, my confidence died, felt undesirable and my battery operated boyfriend was my best friend 😉🤭 We split, I met someone else and our sex life has been amazing, we’ve also been on here after taking about sharing with others and it works for us. I am also going through the menopause, the array of symptoms and advice you get is huge and not one potion, lotion or tablet necessarily fits all. I consider myself to have been extremely lucky in having a GP who was trained to deal with menopause and listened and I (after trying a couple of things) got what I needed to resolve or at least make a massive positive to get rid of my symptoms. I know the ‘menopause’ story isn’t the same one for all but please even if your lovely lady says she doesn’t want sex, start with small steps, sometimes just the support and encouragement can help as a lot of women won’t go to get help for various reasons (embarrassment, taboo to talk about it etc) but there is so much more help out there now thanks to ambassadors talking about it. Find out more about it, so you as the man who loves her knows more about it. I’m not saying men don’t have any issues that also need support from their partners, everyone always needs something but just a little insight from a woman’s point of view - hope it helps, sent with kindness 😊" Great post | |||
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"I my in the same boat 5 years but got a leg over 1 month back couldn’t really call it that as she came then just rolled over didn’t try to make me cum I like the thought that it’s control over us never thought of it that way Can you explain in what way you feel controlled? I'm not disagreeing I'd genuinely like to know. I can understand that a woman or man might withhold sex to try and make a partner do something e.g. 'I'm not having sex with you until you but me a pair of Jimmy Choos/new car/Harley' and controlling that way." I F54 sort of understand this thinking. I fully understand women losing their sexual drive and appetite. I have battled with the menopause for the last four years. But to deny all sex with your hubby is a choice you make over them. I cannot imagine having gone through that time and offering my hubby nothing and just saying well that’s how it is now tough our marriage no longer includes sex. | |||
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"I feel my wife was not too well informed by her surgeon when told she had pre-cancerous cells after a smear test. She had a hysterectomy and that's when it all ceased. Before the opportunity she was a nympho and we used to enjoy swinging meets, clubs and parties. I love her so much and miss how she was and will never give up on her. We do have sex, but very rarely now. Although on here I've yet to meet a woman or couple. As much as I'd like to meet someone for fun I haven't yet. It's been 15 or 16 years since I was last intimate with another woman." So you’d rather she didn’t have the hysterectomy and died of cancer as long as you kept getting your hole. | |||
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"Male half of a highly sexed couple (10 times a week before any swinging play), who have made it through children and menopause and are fucking like never before, here to give some advice. My advice. Ditch the account on here first. It’s clearly not in line with my later points. Affection…. Make her the centre of your world (she ain’t if you are on here), stop wanking (this makes you focus on her), put her on a pedestal, show the whole world that’s where she is for you, make massive public points of affection, go and kiss her neck when at parties and she is talking to other people or at the supermarket - wherever (on the beach the other day I walked up kissed her and smacked her arse - in front of everyone, she loved it), build total trust that you have got her and are not thinking of anyone else Sex…. Once you have built enough trust and her being safe in the knowledge of where she is for you. Tell her you would like to reset your sex life and understand more about her needs. Ask her what she fantasises about, what turns her on. I didn’t know my wife fantasised about being dominated until I asked. She will tell you if she trusts you to not kink shame her. Forget what you find a turn on. Find out what turns her on. Once she tells you, go and research how to do it. I’ve read up on talking dirty, dominating behaviour, specific scenarios, etc. I’ve become the man she fantasised about in the bedroom, but never felt she could tell me. Stamina….. To deliver what she asks for will possibly require you getting a hold on your orgasm control. Pelvic floor muscle exercises, and some mental work. Wanking is the best way to become premature - it is purely for you, so why control it? Hence stopping wanking. It’s not necessarily a catch 22 - no sex, so cum quickly. You can learn to control it. The aim is to be able to perform for as long as it takes and then cum when she is ready. Oral….. Buy the book “she comes first”, don’t think that giving good oral is a god given knowledge. Read it, learn it, show her you have. A friend who I gave some advice to bought it and put it on his bedside table. His partner saw it and was interested - it worked. Massage….. Take the time to give her an hour long massage (at least), with no sex at the end of it. Don’t even get naked or hard. Hands on skin, candles, oil. Again, it shows her you are focussed 100% on her needs. Build a deep emotional connection with physical touch. That’s our journey. I’m seriously sad to hear all your comments. And I am happy to advise at all if that can help. Marriages can last as long as we live, and sex can continue to get better and better, but it takes 2 things to underpin it. Observation - study and listen to your partner. Adaptation - do things differently and notice how she reacts (back to observation) Not wishing to preach or gloat - just wanting to help anyone I can." I’m sorry but you are way off, certainly as far as my wife and I are concerned. I’m pleased for you that you’ve gone through life and are enjoying a healthy sex life, but everyone’s circumstances are different and more importantly, every woman is different. I’m absolutely certain that no woman has ever got married hoping that one day she won’t want to make love. I might be totally wrong but I see it as a sort of ailment, a medical issue (for want of a better term), and there is no one-shop-fix for it. As far as we are concerned, my wife’s menopause coincided with 2 other things which had a big impact on us, we were having financial difficulties for one, and my mother who lived with us was going downhill with dementia. My wife was brilliant with my mother, looked after her constantly until she died, but it drained her. Fast forward 12 years and we don’t quite have the financial difficulties we did, but we are both so busy. We get on better with each other than we ever have. We are each other’s rock, and I do comfort her as much as I can. We hold hands in public but she doesn’t want to kiss me at home, let alone in front of anyone. Smack her ass! Err, no. She would absolutely hate that and that would only result in a big fall out. I’ve tried to talk about fantasies, she didn’t have any and wasn’t interested in mine. Oral? Before we married we never had penetrative sex, but she would stroke me and let me perform oral on her. She loved it, had numerous orgasms every time, we would spend ages enjoying it together. However since we married and made love for the first time that was it, she never let me anywhere near her pussy with any part of my anatomy other than my cock, and trust me I tried many many times. In terms of performing oral on me, that has never ever happened, not even tried it, it’s something that has always been a major turn off. The only thing I can relate with you on is massage. She does enjoy that and is the only time I can touch her. I’ve bought oils etc and she loves it, as do I because I can feel her lovely smooth skin. I get hard, I can’t help it, but the massage is never going to be a prelude to making love, it’s purely to relax her and soothe her. I’ve tried to talk to her about it many many times. I’ve cried in bed because I want intimacy with my wife. I’m actually welling up now just typing this. I really don’t think it will ever change now but it won’t stop me loving her as much as I ever have. With regards to being on here, I’ve never met anyone and it’s highly unlikely I ever will. But I enjoy the forums and the stories. Maybe this is where I can have my own fantasies. | |||
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"Male half of a highly sexed couple (10 times a week before any swinging play), who have made it through children and menopause and are fucking like never before, here to give some advice. My advice. Ditch the account on here first. It’s clearly not in line with my later points. Affection…. Make her the centre of your world (she ain’t if you are on here), stop wanking (this makes you focus on her), put her on a pedestal, show the whole world that’s where she is for you, make massive public points of affection, go and kiss her neck when at parties and she is talking to other people or at the supermarket - wherever (on the beach the other day I walked up kissed her and smacked her arse - in front of everyone, she loved it), build total trust that you have got her and are not thinking of anyone else Sex…. Once you have built enough trust and her being safe in the knowledge of where she is for you. Tell her you would like to reset your sex life and understand more about her needs. Ask her what she fantasises about, what turns her on. I didn’t know my wife fantasised about being dominated until I asked. She will tell you if she trusts you to not kink shame her. Forget what you find a turn on. Find out what turns her on. Once she tells you, go and research how to do it. I’ve read up on talking dirty, dominating behaviour, specific scenarios, etc. I’ve become the man she fantasised about in the bedroom, but never felt she could tell me. Stamina….. To deliver what she asks for will possibly require you getting a hold on your orgasm control. Pelvic floor muscle exercises, and some mental work. Wanking is the best way to become premature - it is purely for you, so why control it? Hence stopping wanking. It’s not necessarily a catch 22 - no sex, so cum quickly. You can learn to control it. The aim is to be able to perform for as long as it takes and then cum when she is ready. Oral….. Buy the book “she comes first”, don’t think that giving good oral is a god given knowledge. Read it, learn it, show her you have. A friend who I gave some advice to bought it and put it on his bedside table. His partner saw it and was interested - it worked. Massage….. Take the time to give her an hour long massage (at least), with no sex at the end of it. Don’t even get naked or hard. Hands on skin, candles, oil. Again, it shows her you are focussed 100% on her needs. Build a deep emotional connection with physical touch. That’s our journey. I’m seriously sad to hear all your comments. And I am happy to advise at all if that can help. Marriages can last as long as we live, and sex can continue to get better and better, but it takes 2 things to underpin it. Observation - study and listen to your partner. Adaptation - do things differently and notice how she reacts (back to observation) Not wishing to preach or gloat - just wanting to help anyone I can. I’m sorry but you are way off, certainly as far as my wife and I are concerned. I’m pleased for you that you’ve gone through life and are enjoying a healthy sex life, but everyone’s circumstances are different and more importantly, every woman is different. I’m absolutely certain that no woman has ever got married hoping that one day she won’t want to make love. I might be totally wrong but I see it as a sort of ailment, a medical issue (for want of a better term), and there is no one-shop-fix for it. As far as we are concerned, my wife’s menopause coincided with 2 other things which had a big impact on us, we were having financial difficulties for one, and my mother who lived with us was going downhill with dementia. My wife was brilliant with my mother, looked after her constantly until she died, but it drained her. Fast forward 12 years and we don’t quite have the financial difficulties we did, but we are both so busy. We get on better with each other than we ever have. We are each other’s rock, and I do comfort her as much as I can. We hold hands in public but she doesn’t want to kiss me at home, let alone in front of anyone. Smack her ass! Err, no. She would absolutely hate that and that would only result in a big fall out. I’ve tried to talk about fantasies, she didn’t have any and wasn’t interested in mine. Oral? Before we married we never had penetrative sex, but she would stroke me and let me perform oral on her. She loved it, had numerous orgasms every time, we would spend ages enjoying it together. However since we married and made love for the first time that was it, she never let me anywhere near her pussy with any part of my anatomy other than my cock, and trust me I tried many many times. In terms of performing oral on me, that has never ever happened, not even tried it, it’s something that has always been a major turn off. The only thing I can relate with you on is massage. She does enjoy that and is the only time I can touch her. I’ve bought oils etc and she loves it, as do I because I can feel her lovely smooth skin. I get hard, I can’t help it, but the massage is never going to be a prelude to making love, it’s purely to relax her and soothe her. I’ve tried to talk to her about it many many times. I’ve cried in bed because I want intimacy with my wife. I’m actually welling up now just typing this. I really don’t think it will ever change now but it won’t stop me loving her as much as I ever have. With regards to being on here, I’ve never met anyone and it’s highly unlikely I ever will. But I enjoy the forums and the stories. Maybe this is where I can have my own fantasies. " I’m sorry to hear that. I was only trying to give you some inspiration. I can’t advise anything other than my experience. Good luck and I hope you find a way through. | |||
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