FabSwingers.com forum: Married and wife gone off sex completely

By (user no longer on site) OP
45 weeks ago

Well here goes! Firstly I'm married, I love my wife but she has totally gone off sex, yes we've talked and she's just not interested. She knows I need it but I haven't told her about this profile. On top of this going without sex for so long has affected my performance, ie; cumming too quick! I've explained to her that if I had regular encounters I'm sure I'd get better, so, yes, I'm looking for someone to help me with this. Hopefully I'll get something in my inbox from this!

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By *sp1979Man
45 weeks ago

Leighton Buzzard

I'm in exactly the same situation mate, she's just not interested and having sex once every 2-3 months is plenty for her. I'm always horny hence profile on here although so far, unsuccessful😆 I don't want it every day,although would be nice, but once a week at the the weekend would be great to start with. Tried everything I can, massages, foot rubs doing everything I can to help in the house and with kids etc, and nothing works. Run out of ideas

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By (user no longer on site) OP
45 weeks ago

It's not just me then

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By *ch228Man
45 weeks ago

Crawley

"It's not just me then"

No. Same boat for a couple of years.

Didn’t want to pester her. So I have now been on here for a while.

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By *ilverfox for youMan
45 weeks ago

Hull

Another guy here in same boat !!!! 20 yrs without would you believe ! Yet we get slated for looking on here !!! But it seems ok for married women to be on here !

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By (user no longer on site)
45 weeks ago

You may not be aware of this but withholding sex is a common form of domestic abuse.

Thats not to say one should force the issue, but if you have spoken with each and they still not interested.

Essentially it's a form of control.

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By *nterthegameMan
45 weeks ago

Southend

I’ve not had sex with wife for four years , she is just not interested at all. Likewise affected my performance as got so used to just wanking instead. Tried talking to her about it but falls on deaf ears. She doesn’t know I’m on here but the guilt has long since left me…. Not that I get hardly any action via here either!

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By *exyfred76Man
45 weeks ago

Cheshire

Same here I went 11 years without hence why am on here hoping for a regular person given the chance

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By (user no longer on site)
45 weeks ago

So many of us in the same boat

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By *inkyfingers777Man
45 weeks ago

Bournemouth, Christchurch and Poole

It’s all to common unfortunately.

Mine lost all interest few years back and then usual excuses followed by trying to make the problem mine.

It’s such a shame as I love her deeply but there is no doubt it has a negative effect on other parts of life.

And as other people say it also affects your own performance and mental health.

A very sad and troubling situation indeed for all those in same boat!

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By *ozoMan
45 weeks ago

New Milton

Afternoon guys,it's been 7 years for me,menopause completely turned my wife off.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
45 weeks ago

East Sussex

"You may not be aware of this but withholding sex is a common form of domestic abuse.

Thats not to say one should force the issue, but if you have spoken with each and they still not interested.

Essentially it's a form of control."

How are these men being controlled? They feel free to seek sex elsewhere

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By *YDB75Man
45 weeks ago

East Yorks

What time is boarding into this boat we all share

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By *rasshopper201Man
45 weeks ago

kendal

I my in the same boat 5 years but got a leg over 1 month back couldn’t really call it that as she came then just rolled over didn’t try to make me cum I like the thought that it’s control over us never thought of it that way

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By *sp1979Man
45 weeks ago

Leighton Buzzard

[Removed by poster at 09/06/25 16:52:54]

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
45 weeks ago

East Sussex

"I my in the same boat 5 years but got a leg over 1 month back couldn’t really call it that as she came then just rolled over didn’t try to make me cum I like the thought that it’s control over us never thought of it that way "

Can you explain in what way you feel controlled? I'm not disagreeing I'd genuinely like to know.

I can understand that a woman or man might withhold sex to try and make a partner do something e.g. 'I'm not having sex with you until you but me a pair of Jimmy Choos/new car/Harley' and controlling that way.

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By *lueDressWoman
45 weeks ago

Bath Somerset

I lost my sex drive when I was with my second partner. I left him in 1998. I realised it wasn't going to work because I had gone off him, not sex.

As soon as I met someone who I found attractive I was back on the horse. Riding. I've never gone off sex but I have gone off people.

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By (user no longer on site)
45 weeks ago

Can you explain in what way you feel controlled? I'm not disagreeing I'd genuinely like to know.

I think that's a very interesting question, but maybe you should answer it in private

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
45 weeks ago

East Sussex

Can you explain in what way you feel controlled? I'm not disagreeing I'd genuinely like to know.

I think that's a very interesting question, but maybe you should answer it in private"

Answer my own question?

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By *rasshopper201Man
45 weeks ago

kendal

I mean my wife likes to do everything clothes me all ways seems to know more than me wants me to always help around the house even when I’m working a 14 hour day sometimes I just think that most women /wife’s get bored of the same old stuff and always want better or more excited life sometimes I don’t think she loves me when I talk to friends about there wife’s they all seem in very similar relationships

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By *ddingextraspiceCouple
45 weeks ago

cumbria

"I lost my sex drive when I was with my second partner. I left him in 1998. I realised it wasn't going to work because I had gone off him, not sex.

As soon as I met someone who I found attractive I was back on the horse. Riding. I've never gone off sex but I have gone off people."

My wife lost interest in sex with her last husband, but then had an affair with his best friend. She split from her husband and I met her, she was a horny slur and I loved it. She used to still fuck her ex husbands friend and also met people in clubs with me etc. but now she has no interest in me and says she doe t want sex with others, but I agree that if she met the right guy, it would get her back enjoying sex. I’d love her to find someone to reignite her sex drive.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
45 weeks ago

Now I just need to find the elusive willing female

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By *heonixrising500Man
45 weeks ago

Barnsley

I love mine but she only wants sex once a mouth so i now on fab

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By *aughty-nikkiTV/TS
45 weeks ago

Newcatle

DM me boys. Love being a slut for married men

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By *oubenew80Couple
45 weeks ago

Warrington

I was similar until finally got her to try a swingers club .. honestly its change her big time ... there is hope , happy to chat . dm me

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By *jh59Man
45 weeks ago

Stoke Golding

Married for 28 years last summer she tells me she no longer wants sex with me due to the menopause only for me to find out a few weeks later that is getting fucked silly by other guys

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By *atureManNorthEastMan
45 weeks ago

Near Lanchester, Durham.

I haven't had sex with my wife for over twenty years, because I prefer men. She misses sex and the boost to her self esteem that a passionate encounter gives her.

From her perspective she didn't want to swing, we tried this site as a couple, to find her an exclusive arrangement, a man friend with benefits. That was relatively unsuccessful.

She wanted a man who was not married or partnered (that was the biggest hurdle). She wanted a man within a similar age range no more than ten years younger, she is 69. She also didn't feel inclined to meet a man who had a profile displaying any explicit images or verifications (significantly narrowed the field).

It was interesting understanding a woman's perspective. She wanted a mature guy with a passionate, sensual approach.

Yes she wanted sex but she didn't want what most men seem to think women want.

We didn't find any guys on here that understood her perspective very well.

From my observations, a number of men on here, are extremely good at unintentionally appealing to other men, bi curious, and gay men. However they lack the insight to recognise a women's approach to sex and intimacy.

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By (user no longer on site)
45 weeks ago

I feel my wife was not too well informed by her surgeon when told she had pre-cancerous cells after a smear test.

She had a hysterectomy and that's when it all ceased. Before the opportunity she was a nympho and we used to enjoy swinging meets, clubs and parties.

I love her so much and miss how she was and will never give up on her. We do have sex, but very rarely now.

Although on here I've yet to meet a woman or couple. As much as I'd like to meet someone for fun I haven't yet. It's been 15 or 16 years since I was last intimate with another woman.

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By *idcot58Man
45 weeks ago

Chepstow

We were swingers for around 5 years then she went through menopause then all stopped

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By *avid 50Man
45 weeks ago

kendal

Reassuring to hear so many other people are in the same boat as myself, such a shame that after an amazing sex life with her for 30 years it should all end, we don't talk about sex we don't sleep together but I think we still love each other but it's difficult when there's nothing intimate between us.

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By *urvyMilf4BlackMenWoman
45 weeks ago

Norwich

"Now I just need to find the elusive willing female"

I'd change your profile pic then!

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By *otdog52Man
45 weeks ago

Bristol

Id love to be able to come up with a way of bringing the conversation round to going to a club without her getting upset. Like most of the guys here I love my wife to bits but it seems like there's something missing.

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By (user no longer on site)
45 weeks ago

Another hubby hear in a sexless marriage. Herself has no interest in sex since the children were born. She had sex when I kept asking her. But now I've stopped begging. It's mentally draining the life out of me.

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By (user no longer on site)
45 weeks ago

Same for a year now

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By *eavenscentitCouple
45 weeks ago

barnstaple

When I was married I lost interest in sex because, my husband was inconsiderate and dismissive towards me and our children, resented my friends and work. No way did I find this man child appealing sexually. Being a wife and Mother for me was boring & exhausting. Ms

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By *omeagain00Man
45 weeks ago

Selby

Sadly menopause has struck here so not even a hand job

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By (user no longer on site) OP
45 weeks ago

He shouldn't have been inconsiderate, hopefully your making up for it now!

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By *ornyone30Man
45 weeks ago

ABERDEEN

I'm in a similar situation. I've tried to raise the subject of the lack of intimacy a few times but apparently it always ends up being my fault somehow. Despite the fact I work double the hours she does, I do school drop off, share kids bedtimes, cook, clean, do the laundry amongst other household chores. She is always too exhausted (I hate that word) to give me any of her time. I stopped asking because I don't want sex to be another chore on the list. Hearing so many other men are in the same situation gives me no hope of change for the future

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By *lipflops n ShortsMan
45 weeks ago

Alicante (Spain)

I think many guys are in the same situation, and that it is a common thing for the female to go off sex. I'm in that group as well, and yes the menopause has played a massive part in it.

Hence why we're on sites like this.

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By (user no longer on site)
45 weeks ago

over 10 yrs for me

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By *knewbie85Man
45 weeks ago

Billericay

Is she getting it elsewhere???

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By *artorialMan
45 weeks ago

weymouth

A decade ago I was in the same boat, no sex in over a decade. Conversations invariably got shut down, she then said something that had me doubting whether I was ever sexually attractive to her - eventually I walked away, divorce and estrangement from my daughter followed, I am generally more content as there's always the possibility of sex where before there was non. Im certainly financially better off (no horses to keep) and I'm generally less stressed.

There are no easy solutions but everything has consequences, if your extramarital gets discovered would it end in divorce - if the answer is yes or probably perhaps it'd be best to rip that plaster off take the initial pain and accept that you both now require different things and have grown apart.

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By *orsepower99Man
45 weeks ago

craigavon

[Removed by poster at 11/06/25 11:15:09]

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By (user no longer on site) OP
45 weeks ago

I wonder if there are any couples who would let me watch and wank, It would make a very pleasant change from just wanking! Please pm me if any couples local to Wolverhampton or surrounding areas.

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By *anty mateMan
45 weeks ago

merseyside

Same here

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By *reolasmithMan
45 weeks ago

Coventry

Iv tried to get my lass involved but no chance

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By *ossman0168Man
45 weeks ago

Liverpool

Same here, think that’s why I’m a dirty fecker

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By *ocktoplaywithMan
45 weeks ago

Derby

My wife and I haven’t had sex for years. We love each other as much as we ever have and get on really well, but I miss the intimacy. I can cope without the sex but sadly we never kiss, never cuddle, never touch each other intimately with the exception of she let me shave her before we went on holiday in readiness for us going nude on the beach. The only other thing we do is hold hands.

I’ve accepted it now but it still upsets me. I live in eternal hope that one day things will change

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By (user no longer on site) OP
45 weeks ago

"My wife and I haven’t had sex for years. We love each other as much as we ever have and get on really well, but I miss the intimacy. I can cope without the sex but sadly we never kiss, never cuddle, never touch each other intimately with the exception of she let me shave her before we went on holiday in readiness for us going nude on the beach. The only other thing we do is hold hands.

I’ve accepted it now but it still upsets me. I live in eternal hope that one day things will change

I feel for you, since opening this post I realise there are men worse off than me! I hope things improve for you.

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By *ook321Man
44 weeks ago

Portsmouth

I’ve been on here a few weeks now and yet to meet anyone but it’s really opened my eyes to a life I’ve been missing out on. My relationship with my wife has gradually gone downhill over the last couple years. For over 20 years we had sex at least once a week, this has now diminished to once every few months and seems like she’d happily go without altogether. A few weeks back I told her I didn’t want to carry on like this, I’m 50 now and like a lot of people my age realising my mortality and the fact you only get one chance at life. We ended up making up and having sex once since then but now can’t help feel disappointed that we didn’t split allowing me to meet people on here guilt free. I’ve never cheated on my wife and yet to meet up with anyone yet and I feel like a total sleaze even looking, but the idea of it now is becoming very appealing

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By *iss KinkWoman
44 weeks ago

Up North

"You may not be aware of this but withholding sex is a common form of domestic abuse.

Thats not to say one should force the issue, but if you have spoken with each and they still not interested.

Essentially it's a form of control."

Never heard such rubbish and yes I know what I’m talking about!

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By *cottishman2017Man
44 weeks ago

Wisbech

I’m going through it as well, so come get to wank over the great pics and vids

Can’t consider fucking someone else though

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By *otmouthMan
44 weeks ago

Nottingham

Been 11years for me, just as well I adore cock

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By (user no longer on site)
44 weeks ago

Exactly the same menopause and no sex for neatly 2 years she doesn't understand how bad it makes me fell

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By *eavenscentitCouple
44 weeks ago

barnstaple

"Exactly the same menopause and no sex for neatly 2 years she doesn't understand how bad it makes me fell "

Communicate this with her.

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By *lderbiguyMan
44 weeks ago

Peterhead

It has been almost 20years since we had any kind of intimacy despite trying to have conversations, discussions, and arguments.

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By (user no longer on site)
44 weeks ago

Ten years without hence being on here.

Found out that I enjoy cock fun too !

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By *ornyone30Man
44 weeks ago

ABERDEEN

"You may not be aware of this but withholding sex is a common form of domestic abuse.

Thats not to say one should force the issue, but if you have spoken with each and they still not interested.

Essentially it's a form of control.

Never heard such rubbish and yes I know what I’m talking about!"

It's not control as in making someone do something, but it is a form of control in that some women are restricting someone from doing something they want to do because the woman doesn't feel like doing it. Now, on a one off basis that's OK but when it starts to get to years and some cases here, decades, those women are still expecting that man to accept it and be faithful. It's completely unrealistic. Of course that's just a general view, everyone will have different reasons why it's happening and why they are still putting up with it. And I must add no woman should feel like they HAVE to do it, but there is a consequence.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
44 weeks ago

East Sussex

"You may not be aware of this but withholding sex is a common form of domestic abuse.

Thats not to say one should force the issue, but if you have spoken with each and they still not interested.

Essentially it's a form of control.

Never heard such rubbish and yes I know what I’m talking about!

I wonder how much control *some* men are exerting by withholding emotional intimacy. The hand holding, laying in each others arms talking about how you feel and listening to each other, holding each other and not expecting it to lead to sex, intimate discussions about how each other feels that sort of thing.

No man should feel he has to do these things but there will be consequences if he doesn't .

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By *ld_dogMan
44 weeks ago

coleford

I love my wife dearly but no sex for years hence like many am on here.

Anyone want to chat and cheer me up

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By *ornyone30Man
44 weeks ago

ABERDEEN

"You may not be aware of this but withholding sex is a common form of domestic abuse.

Thats not to say one should force the issue, but if you have spoken with each and they still not interested.

Essentially it's a form of control.

Never heard such rubbish and yes I know what I’m talking about!

No man should feel he has to do these things but there will be consequences if he doesn't ."

Absolutely. 2 sides to every story...

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By *ideshaft1971Man
44 weeks ago

Midlands

Luckily I’m still having sex but have to work at it including getting out of bed with a semi in the morning to keep her interest up but know many friends who don’t have sex any longer so thank goodness for sites like this where we can all chat about it and get horny in the process

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By *iss KinkWoman
44 weeks ago

Up North

"You may not be aware of this but withholding sex is a common form of domestic abuse.

Thats not to say one should force the issue, but if you have spoken with each and they still not interested.

Essentially it's a form of control.

Never heard such rubbish and yes I know what I’m talking about!

No man should feel he has to do these things but there will be consequences if he doesn't ."

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By *oleraine-coupleCouple
44 weeks ago

Coleraine

These posts are always sad to read.

Yes men and women on the whole have very different sexual desires and appetites but the idea of a sexless marriage by the choice of a partner is odd to me.

We cannot blame men in sexless marriages (where they attempted to talk about it and change things) for being here at all and we have met some lovely married guys over the years.

As a woman I cannot comprehend not offering my hubby anything at all. Even when my menopause was at its worst I made sure he was getting something a few times a week.

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By (user no longer on site)
44 weeks ago

Mine did that years ago. Only gets horny if we have been on a naturist beach or she’s very very d*unk. Both rare.

Luckily I love wanking.

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By *ungus29Man
44 weeks ago

moray

In the same boat. Lost all interest in anything sexual since the menopause. Have talked about it but she’s quite happy without it.

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By (user no longer on site)
43 weeks ago

Me and my wife not had sexual intercourse for over 5 yrs. I am gaggig but no one seems to play anymore.even the bi mm wank fun has died.

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By *erseykevMan
43 weeks ago

St Helier

Not had sex with my wife for over 11yrs! Due to her arthritis which makes sex painful for her! I would love some fun but no one on here is interested in married men! And then you get others who condemn you for cheating!

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By *eter56Man
43 weeks ago

Leeds

"Not had sex with my wife for over 11yrs! Due to her arthritis which makes sex painful for her! I would love some fun but no one on here is interested in married men! And then you get others who condemn you for cheating!"

Same length of time without sex with my wife. Totally agree no one (m or f) seem interested.

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By *evonmail41Man
43 weeks ago

Yeovil

I've been here for a while as wife doesn't enjoy sex. Minute they realise im.married I get ignored.

Shame im not gay because would get lots of offers.

Yet I box from women is empty and my messages get ignored

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By *aria_dreamgirlTV/TS
43 weeks ago

stockport

Tgirls are here for understanding your needs

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By (user no longer on site) OP
43 weeks ago

Does make me wonder tbf

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By *aggyballs98Man
43 weeks ago

Warrington

Tale as old as time

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By *aggyballs98Man
43 weeks ago

Warrington

So glad I’m not married and I certainly won’t be getting married

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By *aggyballs98Man
43 weeks ago

Warrington

"Is she getting it elsewhere???"

I’ve always wondered about this as I’ve spoken to many women that can’t imagine going one week without any sex

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By *B84Man
43 weeks ago

Glasgow

I’m glad to see this is a common thing and not just my situation, as unfortunate as it is.

We love each other to bits but, we haven’t had any meaningful sex in over 12 years and unfortunately all intimacy it pretty much gone these days

She keeps telling me to go find people for fun, but always feel guilty at the thought of it, so I haven’t been able to pull the trigger.

It gets to me at times because I feel I’ve missed out in a big part of life, when I was at my prime

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By *ornycouple70Couple
43 weeks ago

Hampshire

Hi - female of the couple here.

For fear of sounding like a stuck record / boring any other reasons we are all wired differently, yes we are all human but when things happen we react differently.

I was in a marriage and no sex after had kids, my confidence died, felt undesirable and my battery operated boyfriend was my best friend 😉🤭

We split, I met someone else and our sex life has been amazing, we’ve also been on here after taking about sharing with others and it works for us.

I am also going through the menopause, the array of symptoms and advice you get is huge and not one potion, lotion or tablet necessarily fits all. I consider myself to have been extremely lucky in having a GP who was trained to deal with menopause and listened and I (after trying a couple of things) got what I needed to resolve or at least make a massive positive to get rid of my symptoms.

I know the ‘menopause’ story isn’t the same one for all but please even if your lovely lady says she doesn’t want sex, start with small steps, sometimes just the support and encouragement can help as a lot of women won’t go to get help for various reasons (embarrassment, taboo to talk about it etc) but there is so much more help out there now thanks to ambassadors talking about it.

Find out more about it, so you as the man who loves her knows more about it.

I’m not saying men don’t have any issues that also need support from their partners, everyone always needs something but just a little insight from a woman’s point of view - hope it helps, sent with kindness 😊

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By *asterDogMan
43 weeks ago

Hickling

My partner also has totally gone of sex, the menopause and other medical issues have caused it she was also submissive to my dom. We have talked and she has insisted I find someone else to be my sub and to provide the sex she no longer can, in that respect I am very lucky.

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By (user no longer on site)
43 weeks ago

"Hi - female of the couple here.

For fear of sounding like a stuck record / boring any other reasons we are all wired differently, yes we are all human but when things happen we react differently.

I was in a marriage and no sex after had kids, my confidence died, felt undesirable and my battery operated boyfriend was my best friend 😉🤭

We split, I met someone else and our sex life has been amazing, we’ve also been on here after taking about sharing with others and it works for us.

Find out more about it, so you as the man who loves her knows more about it.

Great post

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By *essica FlabbitWoman
43 weeks ago

west midlands/shropshire

Can I just ask a question.. some are saying its a form of control. So would you rather your partner lie back and just fake it.. no judgement just a curious question.

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By *oleraine-coupleCouple
43 weeks ago

Coleraine

Most men we have met were in sexless marriages.

From conversations on here over many years and from friends there are a lot of them.

I (F54) suffered negatively from the menopause but to deny all sex (for example not even offering HJ and BJ) isn’t a relationship in my book it’s being friends. Even on my worst months I ensured my hubby didn’t go without.

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By *oleraine-coupleCouple
43 weeks ago

Coleraine

Can you explain in what way you feel controlled? I'm not disagreeing I'd genuinely like to know.

I F54 sort of understand this thinking.

I fully understand women losing their sexual drive and appetite. I have battled with the menopause for the last four years. But to deny all sex with your hubby is a choice you make over them. I cannot imagine having gone through that time and offering my hubby nothing and just saying well that’s how it is now tough our marriage no longer includes sex.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
43 weeks ago

Some very interesting replies, there's obviously a much bigger picture here, it makes feel a bit better about myself and I feel for everyone after hearing their stories.

I wait in hope (like many others)

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By *i-subhubby.Man
43 weeks ago

Slightly round the bend.

Since my mrs became very ill, and the treatment killed off what sex drive she had its now been over 16 years since we have had sex.

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By *mallButHard72Man
43 weeks ago

London

Looks like this is a very common issue and im in the same boat. We used to have sex a few times a week but since menopause kicked in a few years ago it's once every few months if that. Like lots have said on here I love my wife to bits and we still are very affectionate to each other. This can be very frustrating but I've found being on here for over a year helps.

I've lowered the bar for what constitutes 'cheating' and won't meet single ladies (because obviously my inbox is inundated with messages from them) and won't have penetrative sex but seeing as I'm orally bi I have met bi couples and single guys on here.

Those that have had the conversation about swinging with them are very brave. I'm pretty sure my Mrs wouldn't be interested but would love it if she was.

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By *outhernexport83Couple
43 weeks ago

Cornwall

While I (m of couple) certainly don’t agree with all of the comments on here, it’s great that this conversation exists. Talking about stuff like this is massively important and I’m glad there’s some different perspectives. We went though a very long dry spell post kids (possibly undiagnosed perimenopause) and luckily managed to work through it. Turns out there was a lot going on with both of us. I hope that talking openly about this sort of thing allows people to have more honest and constructive conversations early on and understand the feelings of both partners in the relationship. Props to those who have stated their feelings so far, irrespective of my personal take on them. 🙌

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By (user no longer on site)
43 weeks ago

You entitled to your opinion.

I stick to the academic research on the matter:

To save time with pointless disagreement online:

I recommend you ask Chatgpt the question:

Is withholding sex in a relationship a form of domestic abuse❓

YouTube:

" Withholding: the top five ways women deny a man's needs"

The Happy Wife School

"Sexless Marriage: A breach of contract?"

PyscHacks

Google article:

Domestic shelters org:

"Withholding intimacy can be abusive to o."

This article is written from a heterosexual woman's ♀️ perspective but obviously applies to men also.

There is plenty of research on the subject we are living in the information age.

So ignorant comments are unnecessary.

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By (user no longer on site)
43 weeks ago

[Removed by poster at 28/06/25 23:07:09]

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By (user no longer on site)
43 weeks ago

My post was for the Man who thought I was talking rubbish.

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By *aggyballs98Man
42 weeks ago

Warrington

I hope this thread keeps going it’s very interesting

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By *ormalfornorfolkMan
42 weeks ago

Norwich

Lots of insight from people living with complex issues. Thanks to all who’ve contributed.

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By *lumber53Man
42 weeks ago

brean

I'm afraid it all to common

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By *oodgreen25Man
42 weeks ago

Gorey

Really interesting to see the advice and comments on this from the female perspective. It's definitely not as simple as the wife's just not wanting sex anymore. So helpful to get to hear this too, communication is what I keep seeing as key to this. Oh and a huge dick might help

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By *xstaceyxxTV/TS
42 weeks ago

longeaton,ng10.

Divorced courts for me ,I couldn't stand for that.

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By (user no longer on site)
42 weeks ago

Just spent 15minutes sucking her lovely breasts but won't let me touch her pussy and won't feel me.

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By *rogressivepairCouple
42 weeks ago

Derbyshire

Male half of a highly sexed couple (10 times a week before any swinging play), who have made it through children and menopause and are fucking like never before, here to give some advice.

My advice. Ditch the account on here first. It’s clearly not in line with my later points.

Affection….

Make her the centre of your world (she ain’t if you are on here), stop wanking (this makes you focus on her), put her on a pedestal, show the whole world that’s where she is for you, make massive public points of affection, go and kiss her neck when at parties and she is talking to other people or at the supermarket - wherever (on the beach the other day I walked up kissed her and smacked her arse - in front of everyone, she loved it), build total trust that you have got her and are not thinking of anyone else

Sex….

Once you have built enough trust and her being safe in the knowledge of where she is for you. Tell her you would like to reset your sex life and understand more about her needs.

Ask her what she fantasises about, what turns her on. I didn’t know my wife fantasised about being dominated until I asked. She will tell you if she trusts you to not kink shame her. Forget what you find a turn on. Find out what turns her on. Once she tells you, go and research how to do it. I’ve read up on talking dirty, dominating behaviour, specific scenarios, etc. I’ve become the man she fantasised about in the bedroom, but never felt she could tell me.

Stamina…..

To deliver what she asks for will possibly require you getting a hold on your orgasm control. Pelvic floor muscle exercises, and some mental work. Wanking is the best way to become premature - it is purely for you, so why control it? Hence stopping wanking. It’s not necessarily a catch 22 - no sex, so cum quickly. You can learn to control it. The aim is to be able to perform for as long as it takes and then cum when she is ready.

Oral…..

Buy the book “she comes first”, don’t think that giving good oral is a god given knowledge. Read it, learn it, show her you have. A friend who I gave some advice to bought it and put it on his bedside table. His partner saw it and was interested - it worked.

Massage…..

Take the time to give her an hour long massage (at least), with no sex at the end of it. Don’t even get naked or hard. Hands on skin, candles, oil. Again, it shows her you are focussed 100% on her needs. Build a deep emotional connection with physical touch.

That’s our journey. I’m seriously sad to hear all your comments. And I am happy to advise at all if that can help. Marriages can last as long as we live, and sex can continue to get better and better, but it takes 2 things to underpin it.

Observation - study and listen to your partner.

Adaptation - do things differently and notice how she reacts (back to observation)

Not wishing to preach or gloat - just wanting to help anyone I can.

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By *outhLondonSmileMan
42 weeks ago

London

Great thread. It’s nice not to feel alone. However I feel many of these guys don’t understand their wives & what they are going through. Think from their perspective… as for luck on here, also think from the perspective of the woman you’re messaging… you might have more luck.

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By *elly72Woman
42 weeks ago

glasgow

"I feel my wife was not too well informed by her surgeon when told she had pre-cancerous cells after a smear test.

She had a hysterectomy and that's when it all ceased. Before the opportunity she was a nympho and we used to enjoy swinging meets, clubs and parties.

I love her so much and miss how she was and will never give up on her. We do have sex, but very rarely now.

Although on here I've yet to meet a woman or couple. As much as I'd like to meet someone for fun I haven't yet. It's been 15 or 16 years since I was last intimate with another woman."

So you’d rather she didn’t have the hysterectomy and died of cancer as long as you kept getting your hole.

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By (user no longer on site)
42 weeks ago

happy to chat to married men who's wife have gone off sex

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By *ocktoplaywithMan
42 weeks ago

Derby

"Male half of a highly sexed couple (10 times a week before any swinging play), who have made it through children and menopause and are fucking like never before, here to give some advice.

My advice. Ditch the account on here first. It’s clearly not in line with my later points.

Affection….

Sex….

Once you have built enough trust and her being safe in the knowledge of where she is for you. Tell her you would like to reset your sex life and understand more about her needs.

Stamina…..

Oral…..

Massage…..

Observation - study and listen to your partner.

Adaptation - do things differently and notice how she reacts (back to observation)

Not wishing to preach or gloat - just wanting to help anyone I can."

I’m sorry but you are way off, certainly as far as my wife and I are concerned. I’m pleased for you that you’ve gone through life and are enjoying a healthy sex life, but everyone’s circumstances are different and more importantly, every woman is different.

I’m absolutely certain that no woman has ever got married hoping that one day she won’t want to make love. I might be totally wrong but I see it as a sort of ailment, a medical issue (for want of a better term), and there is no one-shop-fix for it.

As far as we are concerned, my wife’s menopause coincided with 2 other things which had a big impact on us, we were having financial difficulties for one, and my mother who lived with us was going downhill with dementia. My wife was brilliant with my mother, looked after her constantly until she died, but it drained her.

Fast forward 12 years and we don’t quite have the financial difficulties we did, but we are both so busy.

We get on better with each other than we ever have. We are each other’s rock, and I do comfort her as much as I can. We hold hands in public but she doesn’t want to kiss me at home, let alone in front of anyone. Smack her ass! Err, no. She would absolutely hate that and that would only result in a big fall out.

I’ve tried to talk about fantasies, she didn’t have any and wasn’t interested in mine.

Oral? Before we married we never had penetrative sex, but she would stroke me and let me perform oral on her. She loved it, had numerous orgasms every time, we would spend ages enjoying it together. However since we married and made love for the first time that was it, she never let me anywhere near her pussy with any part of my anatomy other than my cock, and trust me I tried many many times. In terms of performing oral on me, that has never ever happened, not even tried it, it’s something that has always been a major turn off.

The only thing I can relate with you on is massage. She does enjoy that and is the only time I can touch her. I’ve bought oils etc and she loves it, as do I because I can feel her lovely smooth skin. I get hard, I can’t help it, but the massage is never going to be a prelude to making love, it’s purely to relax her and soothe her.

I’ve tried to talk to her about it many many times. I’ve cried in bed because I want intimacy with my wife. I’m actually welling up now just typing this. I really don’t think it will ever change now but it won’t stop me loving her as much as I ever have.

With regards to being on here, I’ve never met anyone and it’s highly unlikely I ever will. But I enjoy the forums and the stories. Maybe this is where I can have my own fantasies.

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By *rogressivepairCouple
42 weeks ago

Derbyshire

"Male half of a highly sexed couple (10 times a week before any swinging play), who have made it through children and menopause and are fucking like never before, here to give some advice.

My advice. Ditch the account on here first. It’s clearly not in line with my later points.

Affection….

Sex….

Once you have built enough trust and her being safe in the knowledge of where she is for you. Tell her you would like to reset your sex life and understand more about her needs.

Stamina…..

Oral…..

Massage…..

Observation - study and listen to your partner.

Adaptation - do things differently and notice how she reacts (back to observation)

Not wishing to preach or gloat - just wanting to help anyone I can.

Fast forward 12 years and we don’t quite have the financial difficulties we did, but we are both so busy.

I’ve tried to talk about fantasies, she didn’t have any and wasn’t interested in mine.

With regards to being on here, I’ve never met anyone and it’s highly unlikely I ever will. But I enjoy the forums and the stories. Maybe this is where I can have my own fantasies. "

I’m sorry to hear that. I was only trying to give you some inspiration. I can’t advise anything other than my experience. Good luck and I hope you find a way through.

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By *aria_dreamgirlTV/TS
42 weeks ago

stockport

Lots of married guys would seek their pleasures elsewhere if they could.

Some like us tgirls but circumstances often stop them.

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By *elaninMaverickWoman
38 weeks ago

near Putney Heath

Fast forward 12 years and we don’t quite have the financial difficulties we did, but we are both so busy.

I’ve tried to talk about fantasies, she didn’t have any and wasn’t interested in mine.

With regards to being on here, I’ve never met anyone and it’s highly unlikely I ever will. But I enjoy the forums and the stories. Maybe this is where I can have my own fantasies. "

Oh my! I'm sorry that you are going through this.

Sex therapy. Seperately and together 3 times a week for 18 months. For some of us, intimacy, communication and connection are hard work.#

I have low libido from perimenopause. I also have autism. This makes connecting with my body difficult. I also have childhood trauma where I spent years not having bodily autonomy.

Given your age, your wife was probably told that sex was dirty ( or she has sexual trauma from the penetration avoidance), and combined that with menopause and life challenges it kills the libido.

I'm a single woman who is child-free and who doesn't work a lot.

I was able to take my time and slowly reconnect to my body and my sexuality and my sensuality.

Also HRT and seeing a private menopause specialist. They exist especially in London. Sometimes the sex is painful because there isn't enough lubrication or the woman cannot relax, which causes Vaginismus. A lot of women get vaginismus after childbirth or a period of illness. Some get it from being a virgin onwards...Vaginismus needs to be treated with psychotherapy, dilatators, lubricants and pelvic floor exercises and in extreme cases, surgery( where there was a tear in childbirth sewn too tight or other medical complication)

I play with the male of the couple who are under 45. His wife can't relax during sex. They are now in therapy together and his wife is actually starting to get a little jealous of all these women who can handle his dick whereas before she didn't care.

The older women at the clubs told me that they have tried multiple lubricants that still haven't worked for them because of the dreaded dry vagina. If that is the case, your wife is going to have to trust that you would attempt penetration. This is where toys and marital aids come in. That's what they are for; to give pleasure when the usual missionary cannot be attempted.

A lot of this is from the male perspective But I will give the female perspective.

a lot of women my age haven't had an orgasm. They faked it to keep their husbands happy. Just like a lot of you men are currently faking your love. If you have no intimacy in your marriage, you no longer love each other romantically and you are just in a marriage of convenience or companionship.

Love is an action word which includes intimacy. Intimacy to mutual satisfaction. Withholding intimacy and denying mutual satisfaction is abuse.

This is how it works for women and some men

A woman who doesn't feel happy and comfortable in herself uses the fact that she can control access to her body as a way to make her male partner suffer as much as she is. She's not having any bodily satisfaction, so why should he? He's expressing an intimacy need but she doesn't feel like communicating her own needs right now and coming to a compromise so he has to suffer just like her.

That's abuse. That's dysfunction. That's unhealthy. That's toxic. That's a red flag. The refusal to act, the refusal to communicate effectively, the refusal to cooperate and compromise, the refusal to get professional help via psychotherapy, sex therapy, menopause therapy,erectile dysfunction and pre-mature ejaculation therapy, hormone replacement therapy. The refusal to even acknowledge head on that there is a problem.

It's what a toddler does when they can't get their own way or feel emotionally dysregulated. They know something is wrong but they can't communicate what it is so they through a tantrum or use another manipulation tactic to divert attention away from them having to make a decision.

Women who recognise that they have limitations and self-lessly love their partners allow the men to seek sexual comfort, intimacy, connection and the sensory love language of touch in other female companions. That is what I am. I am a sexual surrogate for the couples that I play with where the wife recognises that she cannot fulfil all her husband's intimacy needs but she DOES NOT WANT HIM TO SUFFER!

I don't understand why a man would martyr himself for a woman who will do doubt divorce him the moment she gets wind of his extra "circular activities". You do realise that the stress of no sex is slowly shortening your life span and you will still be the villain when she divorces you for "cheating."

Damned if you do and damned if you don't so I say rip the band-aid off and stop shortening your lifespan with marital stress.

I will never understand people who do the same thing over and over again, refuse to go to therapy or treatment and expect different results. Like it's just magically going to change out of the blue.

must be my autistic brain....if I don't understand it, it's not logical for me to do or engage with.

That's from a neurodivergent perimenopausal woman's perspective.

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By *ornypaul88Man
36 weeks ago

Nottingham

Same here! Any one near me who fancies a fun time?

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By *ini1275Man
36 weeks ago

stoke on trent

Some great replies on this topic x

Im the same boat at that age where body changes and hormones kick in and that feeling "don't like my body"

All puts pressure on the ladies.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
36 weeks ago

It's not just the lack of sex, I miss the intimacy too!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
36 weeks ago

Ultimately I'm hoping to find just one couple who would be willing to let me participate in some capacity on a regular basis but it seems an impossible task!

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By *aturecpl15Couple
36 weeks ago

Chester

Reading all of this, I guess that I rolled a double six when I met my wife. We have been together for 37 years (married for 34). She is still fit, attractive and active (jogs, swims etc). Yes she has been through menopause but we still have sex. It does take effort from both sides though. I get the impression that many men fall into the slob category but still think they are entitled to sex from their wives??

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By (user no longer on site)
36 weeks ago

I am in the same position love my wife but I am constantly sexually fustrated

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By (user no longer on site)
36 weeks ago

"It's not just me then"

Same here. Bastard cancer has taken all her sex drive away and she's in enduced menopause. Over two years now.

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By (user no longer on site)
36 weeks ago

2 years for me too menopause and arthritis it's hard for them but it's hard for us guys too

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By *arriedfun69Man
36 weeks ago

Bedford

Same boat here..it’s menopause and not really her fault and never argue over it ..it’s biological and it’s rubbish for all parties

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By (user no longer on site)
36 weeks ago

Had the same with my now x a few years back. Turned out she hadn't gone off sex at all, just sex with me. Just saying.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
36 weeks ago

It's not menopause with my wife because she was, if anything, at her best after it, perhaps it's just me and she's getting it elsewhere!

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By (user no longer on site)
36 weeks ago

I have the same problem, to be fair my Mrs went off sex after illness. The problem is sex is part of intermacy, if your not careful it all goes, no kissing or touching etc. Then you just end up being house mates and a downward spriral to not especially liking each other

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By *aven3Man
36 weeks ago

Stoford

"I have the same problem, to be fair my Mrs went off sex after illness. The problem is sex is part of intermacy, if your not careful it all goes, no kissing or touching etc. Then you just end up being house mates and a downward spriral to not especially liking each other

I am single,so perhaps people think I am not in a position to comment.I really understand and feel for the situation you find yourself in,and am sure it's common.Think.my parents were as you described.Sure it's why there are so.manymolder men ,who decides that intermecy with another man,is better then nothing.

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By (user no longer on site)
36 weeks ago

There is some truth in what you say but effort should come from both parties. It's easy to find 10 reasons for not doing something rather than making the effort to do it.

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By *aveinderby.Man
36 weeks ago

derby

Wow. Thought I was the only one in this situation. I've been exploring my bi side for a while. Seems crazy but feels less like cheating if I meet a man rather than woman....

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By *penminded7Man
36 weeks ago

Ebbw Vale

We've all been here!

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By *aria_dreamgirlTV/TS
36 weeks ago

stockport

I get lots of straight married guys wanting sex so guys just have fun with a tgirl.

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By *ouispetaMan
36 weeks ago

NOTTINGHAM

You should open your mind to other men

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By (user no longer on site) OP
36 weeks ago

"You should open your mind to other men "

I've not yet seen a tv/cd who could tempt me! I have loads of viagra as I get them every month, I just want to find a nice couple to share them with

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By (user no longer on site)
36 weeks ago

"A decade ago I was in the same boat, no sex in over a decade. Conversations invariably got shut down, she then said something that had me doubting whether I was ever sexually attractive to her - eventually I walked away, divorce and estrangement from my daughter followed, I am generally more content as there's always the possibility of sex where before there was non. Im certainly financially better off (no horses to keep) and I'm generally less stressed.

Shame cannot reply privately - you've blocked men?

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By *DerryMan
36 weeks ago

Dublin/Derry/Belfast

Happy to chat if anyone wants / needs someone to talk about it

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By *elaninMaverickWoman
36 weeks ago

near Putney Heath

"It's not just the lack of sex, I miss the intimacy too!"

Sex therapy fixes intimacy too.

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By *elaninMaverickWoman
36 weeks ago

near Putney Heath

"Wow. Thought I was the only one in this situation. I've been exploring my bi side for a while. Seems crazy but feels less like cheating if I meet a man rather than woman...."

It's still cheating. You lie. You withhold the truth and you go behind someone's back.

Split up or go to therapy or don't be surprised when your spouse hates you.

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By *idcot58Man
35 weeks ago

Chepstow

Mine stopped we used to swing as well

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By *penminded7Man
35 weeks ago

Ebbw Vale

Happens to most of us

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By *i-subhubby.Man
35 weeks ago

Slightly round the bend.

Same boat, must be getting crowded now but since her illnessand treatment she lost completely what little sex drive she had nearly 17 years for me, i understand her issues and never ever push it, so at 67 now i just given up.

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By *lexi_and_MattCouple
35 weeks ago

Glasgow

"You may not be aware of this but withholding sex is a common form of domestic abuse.

Thats not to say one should force the issue, but if you have spoken with each and they still not interested.

Essentially it's a form of control."

I don't imagine cheating husbands are going to get much sympathy with that one. If they were truly being controlled, they wouldnt be free to seek sex elsewhere.

Also...just as an aside, i'm disappointed in those on here who don't declare it openly on their profile, allowing members to make an informed choice. You should hang your heads in shame.

Apparently saying you're 'discreet' is the new secret code.

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By *uga40Man
35 weeks ago

Hemel Hempstead

"Same boat, must be getting crowded now but since her illnessand treatment she lost completely what little sex drive she had nearly 17 years for me, i understand her issues and never ever push it, so at 67 now i just given up. "
i know that feeling mine went off sex years ago would be nice to find some fun in my area

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By (user no longer on site) OP
35 weeks ago

"You may not be aware of this but withholding sex is a common form of domestic abuse.

Thats not to say one should force the issue, but if you have spoken with each and they still not interested.

Essentially it's a form of control.

I don't imagine cheating husbands are going to get much sympathy with that one. If they were truly being controlled, they wouldnt be free to seek sex elsewhere.

Also...just as an aside, i'm disappointed in those on here who don't declare it openly on their profile, allowing members to make an informed choice. You should hang your heads in shame.

Apparently saying you're 'discreet' is the new secret code.

It's called being desperate and is a last resort

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By *rror-404Man
35 weeks ago

TheNorth

Having read through a good deal of the messages in this thread, I come away with mixed thoughts.

It is comforting to know that so many other guys are going through what i thought was my own issue (wife going through early onset menopause and we haven't had penetrative sex for 3 years - aged 50). I alos go through the "am i good enough", "does she still fancy me", "has she ever fancied me" narrative in my head.

But on the flip side, while it is comforting to know i am not alone, it still doesnt "fix" anything. I know there is no simple fix, and that i would appear shallow for walking away from someone just because our sex-life has taken a nose dive, but what do i do?

I enjoy the discussion, and laughs here and in chat. I enjoy the pics and videos. And i see it as my way of "satisfying my needs" without throwing a grenade under my relationship.

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By *leethorpesguy25Man
34 weeks ago

Waltham

No sex with missus for 5 years, nowadays I rely on my bi side for sex

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By *azmar62Couple
34 weeks ago

Hinckley

This.

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By *ohn MastersMan
34 weeks ago

york

Very interesting to read all the comments.

Life is complicated .. people are complicated ..

In 2025, are we designed to be with the same partner, exclusively , for 30,40, 50 plus years I wonder ? …

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
34 weeks ago

East Sussex

"Very interesting to read all the comments.

Life is complicated .. people are complicated ..

In 2025, are we designed to be with the same partner, exclusively , for 30,40, 50 plus years I wonder ? … "

I've been with the same partner for over 40 years, my parents were married for 67 so some people are designed that way.

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By *randmrs 1st timeCouple
34 weeks ago

bolton

"Very interesting to read all the comments.

Life is complicated .. people are complicated ..

In 2025, are we designed to be with the same partner, exclusively , for 30,40, 50 plus years I wonder ? …

I've been with the same partner for over 40 years, my parents were married for 67 so some people are designed that way. "

Same here been married 43 years and still do much in love

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By *penminded7Man
34 weeks ago

Ebbw Vale

Happens to most I reckon

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By *aciallovrMan
34 weeks ago

Manchester

I am coming up to my 25th wedding anniversary and very much love my wife. Our sexx life was good in the beginning although work always interfered.

Then it just fizzled out, but we grew stronger together in love. As much as I wanted sex, my wife didn't, but the cuddles and kisses were there.

Then years passed and we tried for a baby. The sex was relentless and we had a child who is now a teenager.

During lockdown i suggested we try a threesome and for my wife to get in the chat rooms as i had a fantassy of watching her being fucked by other men.

She agreed after we spoke more about it and started to cam and have phone sex with other guys.

This improved our sex life as we would talk about her and the other guys. I liked the hotwife and cuckold scenarios. she would wank me and talk about her fucking a big black cock and id cum immediately.

After lockdown this all fizzled out and we returned to the usual no sex, as much as she would tell me she saw someone hot, she would stay up late and come to be after me.

She has a medical condition so whenever we'd plan a night of passion, initiated by me, she would always have health issues so we wouldn't get close.

She knows im on here and knows that I don't meet anyone in person.

I've told her that I enjoy wanking with men and talking about her and its great to watch other guys cum over her photos.

its a massive turn on. she still turns me on so much but have to admit that I am at a loss now and don't want to keep being dissapointed by her arranging a night of intimacy and then nothing happening because of her health, explaining that it builds me up and then im left dissapopinted, and that id rather we not talk about it and just continue our lives together without the sex talk, because I can say in 25yrs of marriage, I've had sex less than 30 times (except when we were trying for a child).

I'm still completely in love with my wife and she is also my best friend but ive resigned myself to no intimacy with her, in a sexual way only and we continue to be together.

I know my love is strong for her and we have been through a lot, but i just wish once a year we could have sex without the drama of health issues.

I am resigned to wanking on cam with other guys now and watching porn.

It might work for others to seperate from their partner but that is not for me. I don't want to be with anyone else.

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