So my story goes like this:
(No juicy details if you're looking for a quick wank over it sorry)
I'm in the UK, and my first non straight thought was because of a dream kissing a really hot guy. I woke up and thought, ok, that's new. This was in puberty stage so I thought nothing of it.
My mum would always say I'd be ok if you were gay you know. I'd still love you. She said it a number of times, making me think, is that the vibe I'm giving out?
So I get to 18 and my life isn't really going anywhere so I leave my home town and start working around Butlin's, the holiday camp. It gives me a sense of freedom and independence. This is where I have my first sexial experiences with women and men.
One girl takes my virginity simply because she feels sorry for me, so that was done pretty quickly. But one night, I was pretty d*unk and was talking to the prolific gay guy on camp. I end up going back to his room with him. I don't really remember what happened, but I woke up in the early hours and ran back to my room semi naked because I was all panicky.
Went to work the next day, and the guy takes great pleasure in handing me the rest of my belongings in front of everyone. I was so embarrassed, and at that point, I was in major denial.
So, a few years after a couple of straight relationships, I was talking to one of my close friends, and it turned out that he was bicurious. One thing led to another, and you know, things happened. The first time was really d*unk, but every time something happened with him, each time a but more sober, and it made me realise I was ok with it.
So i came back home to my home town, and around the time I made my peace with it. I met up with my future wife.
I told her during bf/gf stage that I was bi. She said ok that doesn't matter, but while you're with me, you shouldn't have eyes for anyone else, which is fair I guess, but it made me feel restricted with how I was around her. For instance, she asked me if I was to leave her for someone famous, one guy and one women, who would it be? So I told her (both singers) and from then on she had issues with these artists. With the woman she was 'i don't like her, she's slutty' (Kylie Minogue if you're wondering) and if i was listening to him she'd be 'you feeling gay today?' Which made me feel awkward. Anything gay on tv would make me super awkward. Anyway this behaviour became super normal for me so that was it really. We got married in 2008.
In 2022, I began thinking I was unhappy because I couldn't be my genuine self. The next move was super selfish on my part. I went to visit a friend who knew I was unhappy, and she said she reckoned I'd like the swinging scene. I went to a club with her, and it opened my eyes to ENM. Plus, I was listening to Bisexual Brunch the podcast at the time and was feeling restrained in my marriage. I left as soon as I got home. Moved into a bedsit. And this is where I am today. Yeah, I've had a bit of fun with girls, guys, and NB's, but I'd love to find someone who accepts me who I am. My unapologetic self. Some who loves kissing. I feel that's becoming a lost art. You know, to enjoy and get lost in.
So at 48 I feel I'm closer to my true self than I've ever been. Hope this helps some people. Feel free to send any questions.
Anyone else want to tell their bi story?? |
