You are very young to be expected to live a sexless life.
It's a real dilemma as you love your wife of course.
What you haven't mentioned is, do you have children. I have heard of women who go off sex after giving birth. Maybe it's a biological thing, sounds harsh but maybe there's some kind of biological thing in some women that there is a natural sexual urge in order to reproduce and once fulfilled it dies down, either temporarily or for longer.
Possibly the new role of motherhood keeps her too busy and tired.
And even if you two have had no children, possibly work pressures or just general pressures are making her too tired or are pre-occupying her?
The worst scenario being she has gone off you sexually over time.
If you have tried having the conversation but feel she is also avoiding talking about it, then I believe there is some issue and she is as such avoiding the discussion and suppressing it altogether. My thought process is that someone only avoids something, ie not talking about it as they do actually know that deep down it does need addressing.
It's all very tricky. As you say, once the cat is out of the bag about it having an element of endangering a continuation of the marriage, yeah, what to do.
You joining a swingers site without her knowledge is fine from the point of view that you do not want to hurt her.....but.
Let's be frank, imagine you get the offer of sex here....and come to enjoy it....then what. Your dilemma will surely just get worse or not? As such, what to do indeed?
I fear that ladies who are here seeking sex may not be the ones to give you answers that help????
That isn't meant offensively to anyone by the way.
I wonder whether a GP may be able to signpost to any organisations or therapists you could see even just by yourself in order to see if they have ideas how you might get your wife to join you in any therapy sessions.
Your wife may well associate the word therapy with ' something is wrong' and less advice in order to find out why her sex drive has declined over time. Hence she doesn't want to talk to a therapist.
You feel uncomfortable talking to men, she feels uncomfortable talking to anyone. Wow....tricky.
The thing is, sooner or later this is sure to cause issues unless you were to decide to knock sex on the head.
Maybe there are ladies here who can help, however, what about a friend of your wife's that you might be able to confide in?
I think you realise the options open to you but are fearful to grab the bull by the horns.
I naturally understand you are in a dilemma and don't want to hurt your wife or bring any element of insecurity into the marriage, but if this continues and God forbid you do end up going separate ways one day, what a dreadful waste of each others time inbetween.
As already stated, you asking for advice here demonstrates how much this is all dwelling on your mind and holding you down in actually moving forward. Naturally you are hoping for anonymous help here. I do hear you, but....
I sincerely wish you luck. 
I guess if you manage to resolve this and by that I mean find a solution that keeps the marriage upright, it would be of great value to hear about.
I am sure you are not alone in this, there will be countless men in your situation as indeed women who are suffering the same problem.
As I say, I sincerely wish you luck.  |
