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Wife not intrested

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By *weeteat OP   Man
over a year ago

sutton coldfield

Hi everyone

Hope all is well

Wondering if can help or any tips , basically sex life isn’t best at moment with wife had baby 4 years ago

And since we haven’t beeen as close with sex. Before sex was 3-4 times a week minimum, now it’s like 2-3 times a year , can anyone recommend how to get the spark back , I’ve tried saying about toys , weekends away etc but nothing , obviously first couple of years after having baby i expected it to be hard for our time as sleepless nights etc but seems sex life is getting worse than better , wondering if any couples have any tips , We recently did go to hotel and there was bbc in lift and that evening she kept

Going on about how he smelt nice and wonder where was going and we had great sex that night so I’m thinking does she want someone else to join in , but how do I mention it to her ?

Many thanks

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By *umagain58Man
over a year ago

London

Sorry if got completely wrong but is this more about your fantasy seeing her with another man?

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By *weeteat OP   Man
over a year ago

sutton coldfield

No not at all

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Involve another person

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By *umagain58Man
over a year ago

London


"Involve another person "

That would be a big step to take. Have to be sure it’s what all want. Seen some couples try and one or both could not handle when happened when real

Think very carefully as no going back once done

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Involve another person

That would be a big step to take. Have to be sure it’s what all want. Seen some couples try and one or both could not handle when happened when real

Think very carefully as no going back once done"

Very true, but sounds like a big move might the only way to get the motions going agin.

What are her kinks/pleasures?

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By *umagain58Man
over a year ago

London


"Involve another person

That would be a big step to take. Have to be sure it’s what all want. Seen some couples try and one or both could not handle when happened when real

Think very carefully as no going back once done

Very true, but sounds like a big move might the only way to get the motions going agin.

What are her kinks/pleasures?"

We cold both help out together. That should make the sex exciting. Just kidding but would do if helped

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Involve another person

That would be a big step to take. Have to be sure it’s what all want. Seen some couples try and one or both could not handle when happened when real

Think very carefully as no going back once done

Very true, but sounds like a big move might the only way to get the motions going agin.

What are her kinks/pleasures?

We cold both help out together. That should make the sex exciting. Just kidding but would do if helped"

I would be more than happy to help lol dose she no ur on here?

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By *weeteat OP   Man
over a year ago

sutton coldfield

She’s just gone really boring before she wanted it all the time , I show her and tell her how beautiful she is but just not intrested in sex , ye would love to see her with other guys or couple same room

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"She’s just gone really boring before she wanted it all the time , I show her and tell her how beautiful she is but just not intrested in sex , ye would love to see her with other guys or couple same room "

Have u asked her?

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By *weeteat OP   Man
over a year ago

sutton coldfield

No I don’t know how to say it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"No I don’t know how to say it"

Is she on here

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By *weeteat OP   Man
over a year ago

sutton coldfield

No

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A bbc? Surely you meant to say black guy?? Or was it a big black willie running around

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By *umagain58Man
over a year ago

London


"She’s just gone really boring before she wanted it all the time , I show her and tell her how beautiful she is but just not intrested in sex , ye would love to see her with other guys or couple same room

Have u asked her?"

Agree this is essential. You sure this is real? You said at beginning of forum it was not about fantasy of being with other guys

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By *weeteat OP   Man
over a year ago

sutton coldfield

Yes this is real and ye sorry black guy

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Thought this was genuine

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By *ucka39Man
over a year ago

Newcastle

Get professional help

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By *umagain58Man
over a year ago

London


"Get professional help"

Good advice. Is difficult when one partner’s desire very high and other low. Hope works out for both of you

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By *AYENCouple
over a year ago

Lincolnshire

Tell her about a mate you bumped into and how he shares his wife with other men - you can then gauge her reaction without putting her or you under any pressure.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Definitely one of his fantasies.

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By *weeteat OP   Man
over a year ago

sutton coldfield

Not a fantasy at all , just trying to see what to do

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By *nkednkinkyMan
over a year ago

Fraserburgh

Get a new wife your current one must be broken

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By *weeteat OP   Man
over a year ago

sutton coldfield

Well that’s not very nice comment

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By *umagain58Man
over a year ago

London


"Well that’s not very nice comment "

Agree. Should always respect and not judge. Only do what all like or not and talk and ask

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By *iss DevilWoman
over a year ago

Bedford

[Removed by poster at 01/07/23 09:41:37]

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By *rFoxAndXenoCouple
over a year ago

Weymouth

If you've gotten married and had a child, this sort of conversation should be a piece of cake!

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By *iss DevilWoman
over a year ago

Bedford

OP, you have a child. Procreation is, for many women, the main reason to have sex. Once that goal is completed once, they may lose interest in sex if they don't want any more children. Also, pregnancy, birth and motherhood changes the woman's body and her outlook on a variety of things. Maybe she believes (even subconsciously) her body is no longer "good enough" to enjoy sex? Maybe her body now responds differently to sexual stimuli, maybe it's not as pleasurable, or even painful?

I think you need to have an honest discussion with your wife, try asking her how she feels. Good luck, OP.

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By *ucianpoundCouple
over a year ago

Cap d’Agde, France

25 years ago when our kids were little and sex life zilch we managed to get a weekend away on our own.

Took Missus into an Ann Summers to look at knickers and ended up, by chance, buying handcuffs and a cheap flogger.

A Eureka moment, it completely transformed our sex life.

You’d be amazed at the numbers of women (and guys) who want to be tied up and spanked!

In my exprerience since, the women I’ve met are a lot hornier than the guys.

OP, you’ve just got to find the right switch!

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By *weeteat OP   Man
over a year ago

sutton coldfield

Might be worth a try

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By *hameleons69Woman
over a year ago

good ship lollipop

Make sure she feels loved and cared for. Run her a nice bath with, bubbles and candles, look after the kids to let her have some me time. A bedroom romantic picnic once kids in bed, maybe give her a nice long foot rub or massage with no expectations of sex. After having babies a woman's body changes, self image can be affected just tell her and show you love and fancy her. She'll appreciate it.

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By *weeteat OP   Man
over a year ago

sutton coldfield

Thank you

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By *weeteat OP   Man
over a year ago

sutton coldfield

Anyone else got any advice

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By *elnkazCouple
over a year ago

cheshire

Of a woman has lost her libido there are several reasons. A gp visit can help with this but calling her boring isnt going to help and no matter how many fantasies are thought of once that libido has gone its hard to get back... believe me.........as im going through it now.

Dont push her. Support her. Be kind and above all dont let her know it is bothering you. Its prob hard enough for her with a child with having to look after a big child too.

Patience

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By *weeteat OP   Man
over a year ago

sutton coldfield

Yes I totally agree

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Sorry if got completely wrong but is this more about your fantasy seeing her with another man?"

Green arrow seems to suggest you’re right!

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By *weeteat OP   Man
over a year ago

sutton coldfield

?

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By *elnkazCouple
over a year ago

cheshire

[Removed by poster at 02/07/23 10:27:03]

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By *elnkazCouple
over a year ago

cheshire


"?"

The green arrow next to your name shows all the other posts that you have commented on...

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By *weeteat OP   Man
over a year ago

sutton coldfield

I like thought of it yes but still same

Situation

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By *weeteat OP   Man
over a year ago

sutton coldfield

Anyone got any more tips

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By *nonladnwMan
over a year ago

Town


"Anyone got any more tips "

Yeah, use your hand, same end result.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Did you say sex twice a year. You lucky man.

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By *rluckyknightMan
over a year ago

marske by sea

Mine went that way just get it elsewhere now

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By *penbicoupleCouple
over a year ago

Northampton

My advice would be to tell her you're on this site and see how she responds. I suspect she would become a lot more "boring" after that!

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By *rFoxAndXenoCouple
over a year ago

Weymouth


"My advice would be to tell her you're on this site and see how she responds. I suspect she would become a lot more "boring" after that! "

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By *amnaughtybutniceWoman
over a year ago

tf1

Are you pulling your weight at home? Are you doing jobs without being asked/told.

Are you taking the mental load - remembering to pay the bills, remembering to buy your mother a bday card or does that all fall to her ?

Are you sharing the chores?

Because I tell you the biggest reason woman don’t want sex is because they feel like your mother running around wiping your arse whilst you don’t pull your weight.

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By *weeteat OP   Man
over a year ago

sutton coldfield

Yes I do all that and take turns in cooking dinner

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By *ackDMissMorganCouple
over a year ago

Halifax

Sit down and have an open honest chat with your wife

I wouldn't try and add anyone else or swing untill you sort out your current issues,as it can wreck a relationship that's not secure.

Maybe she's tired or its hormones causing her lack of sex drive ,see if you can get to the bottom of it without her thinking she's been pressured.

Maybe you could try little acts to bring you closer like a massage or kissing and see if that can spark your sex life again.

Just because she thought another man smelt good doesn't mean she wants another person to join in your sex life op.

Good luck

Miss

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By *clxCouple
over a year ago

West Highlands

Once upon a time I was in your wife’s shoes. Having a baby changes you and changes your priorities. Similar to what someone said above, the mental load of being mum can’t be underestimated. I was physically and mentally EXHAUSTED. Last thing I wanted to do was be sexy, and the more my husband wanted it the more of a failure I felt for not wanting it. So don’t pressure her!! Keep making sure she knows you love her and you find her attractive, but don’t over-do it. Find opportunities to make her day easier and take some stress off.

My biggest tip would be to delete this profile!! She finds out you are on here and you’re never getting sex again. Also, give her a no-obligation massage. It worked every time on me…. as long as enough time is spent on back on back/shoulders before you subtly migrate south!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My wife went from sex weekly to monthly. Then yearly.

Until it stopped altogether. Hysterectomy, menopause nailed it.

But I have realised she still uses ky jelly.

I do my bit around the house. Fix everything that needs sorting. I do not pester her. I try not to touch her now as its irritating it seems.

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By *rFoxAndXenoCouple
over a year ago

Weymouth


"My wife went from sex weekly to monthly. Then yearly.

Until it stopped altogether. Hysterectomy, menopause nailed it.

But I have realised she still uses ky jelly.

I do my bit around the house. Fix everything that needs sorting. I do not pester her. I try not to touch her now as its irritating it seems.

"

The KY could potentially be for vaginal dryness

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By *weeteat OP   Man
over a year ago

sutton coldfield

?

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By *ucka39Man
over a year ago

Newcastle


"Get professional help

Good advice. Is difficult when one partner’s desire very high and other low. Hope works out for both of you"

It may be difficult but still able to learn or understand from a professional point of view as you don't always need both to attend

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By *rFoxAndXenoCouple
over a year ago

Weymouth


"? "

?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"My wife went from sex weekly to monthly. Then yearly.

Until it stopped altogether. Hysterectomy, menopause nailed it.

But I have realised she still uses ky jelly.

I do my bit around the house. Fix everything that needs sorting. I do not pester her. I try not to touch her now as its irritating it seems.

"

Same here although we do still hug for comfort. Absolutely no sexual intimacy for 10 years.

I’m not moaning, I’ve just accepted the facts.

Would love to get going again but no idea how to encourage her

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

[Removed by poster at 16/07/23 18:28:34]

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"My wife went from sex weekly to monthly. Then yearly.

Until it stopped altogether. Hysterectomy, menopause nailed it.

But I have realised she still uses ky jelly.

I do my bit around the house. Fix everything that needs sorting. I do not pester her. I try not to touch her now as its irritating it seems.

Same here although we do still hug for comfort. Absolutely no sexual intimacy for 10 years.

I’m not moaning, I’ve just accepted the facts.

Would love to get going again but no idea how to encourage her"

Talk?

This is a generalisation and won't apply to all or you individually necessarily but

A lot of men don't realise how much emotional intimacy matters to women.I think if more were prepared to put in the ground work on that score with things like listening, acknowledging without trying to fix things, holding hands and chatting about how you each feel their sexual intimacy might improve too.

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By *rFoxAndXenoCouple
over a year ago

Weymouth


"My wife went from sex weekly to monthly. Then yearly.

Until it stopped altogether. Hysterectomy, menopause nailed it.

But I have realised she still uses ky jelly.

I do my bit around the house. Fix everything that needs sorting. I do not pester her. I try not to touch her now as its irritating it seems.

Same here although we do still hug for comfort. Absolutely no sexual intimacy for 10 years.

I’m not moaning, I’ve just accepted the facts.

Would love to get going again but no idea how to encourage her

Talk?

This is a generalisation and won't apply to all or you individually necessarily but

A lot of men don't realise how much emotional intimacy matters to women.I think if more were prepared to put in the ground work on that score with things like listening, acknowledging without trying to fix things, holding hands and chatting about how you each feel their sexual intimacy might improve too.

"

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By *moothGrooveWoman
over a year ago

Durham

Having a baby can be a massive thing for a lot of women. Not only does your body change, but the whole dynamic of life your life changes especially when it's your first. You become a mother at the same time you have to keep the wife, daughter, friend,employee plates spinning. She probably sees you as her safe space where she can relax and just have her own space with you.

Being a mother can be exhausting.... instead of looking for people to join in your sex life, maybe help with the chores. Make tea, do bedtime, do the ironing. Organise dates nights without the expectation of sex. Make her happy and my guessing would be that the rest will follow.

Maybe she just liked the gentleman's aftershave, and that coincided with her feeling horny that day. It doesn't necessarily mean she wants a 3some with a black gentleman

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