FabSwingers.com forum: What am i doing wrong

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

am i the problem? what am i doing wrong? i send a message to someone i think i match with and then its either unread and deleted or i get no reply, I've upgraded my account i've verified myself and i'm polite, i have face pics and am willing to meet socially so i dont know what more i can do

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

They don't fancy you. Simple as.

You may feel that you fit what they're looking for but, for whatever reason, they don't agree.

It's just like it is in the real world.

Perhaps you need to think about what your expectations of fab were when you first joined. And then lower them.

Just because people are on a swinging site, doesn't mean they are looking to shag everybody.

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By *ustustwo.1965Couple
over a year ago

"They don't fancy you. Simple as.

You may feel that you fit what they're looking for but, for whatever reason, they don't agree.

It's just like it is in the real world.

Perhaps you need to think about what your expectations of fab were when you first joined. And then lower them.

Just because people are on a swinging site, doesn't mean they are looking to shag everybody."

Spot on.

If people don't find you attractive for whatever reason then that is it.

Brutal, but true.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I'm not looking for multiple shags just one regular fwb, your probably write they dont fancy me but i cant help the way i look, ugly blokes need sex too

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By *avrick180Man
over a year ago

Pontypool

It's hard work on here for single men as there is so many iv been on here on and off for 5 years and only ever had one meet

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By *oldie_locks33Woman
over a year ago

Durham

It’s very hard for a single man on here to get a meet, it’s not only yourself that struggles. Some women are only on here for a ego boost and have no intention in meeting at all. You just have to sift through the bad to get to the good. Keep trying

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

thanks for your advise

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Well thanks for all the advice folks, seems i'm either on the wrong site or to ugly, its given me a lot to think about and i'll probably end up just deleting my account only so many rejections one man can take

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I wasn't suggesting you were ugly OP.

Attraction is subjective. One persons hot is another ones ugly.

Just as it is in the real world.

You have to be pretty thick skinned on fab.

It's all about managing your expectations, and yes, you need to be able to cope with rejection.

Obviously I have no idea what you're doing to try and find that one ellusive fwb. I don't know how many women you've messaged, or what you're putting in your messafes, so it's very difficult to have any idea if you're doing anything wrong.

You also have to remember that we are still living in a global pandemic, and many are still wary anout meeting.

When I first started using fab about 8 years ago, a single guy could expect to wait around 6 months to get his first meet. As the years have gone by, that has increased to between 9 months and a year.

Yes, some fair better, others less so, but you have to remember that was when things were normal.

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By *ustustwo.1965Couple
over a year ago

"Well thanks for all the advice folks, seems i'm either on the wrong site or to ugly, its given me a lot to think about and i'll probably end up just deleting my account only so many rejections one man can take

Understandable. Rejection is tough for some people.

Have to say that we agree with your comment about everyone needing sex, but by the same token everyone can choose who they want to have sex with.

No sites are for everyone, maybe this one just isn't for you.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'd not say you were ugly nor do I get the impression either from this post or your profile that your expectation was that people on here were looking to shag everyone, not sure why that was even said tbh.

I'm guessing it's just a combination of the past years circumstances and numbers on here. If it gets you down then yes, I'd leave its not worth it but if not, just hang in, chat to people and take it at face value.

All the best

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By *oldie_locks33Woman
over a year ago

Durham

I would suggest a club when they open if you’re brave enough

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By *rad670Man
over a year ago

South Lakes

Stick with it, I believe there is someone for everyone on here and it's just a matter of time, carry on putting in some effort and carry on with a positive attitude, always be pleasant even when feeling rejected, more nice people on here than nasty. Nothing to lose by staying here.

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By *ENGUYMan
over a year ago

Hull

OP.

The advice so far is great but in all, it's down to personal choice amongst those you are seeking.

Location doesn't help to a degree. A few years ago, I worked in Aviemore, where the nearest potential meets were in Perth, Aberdeen, Fife or Edinburgh!

It's all about numbers with lots of guys all seeking the same thing.

Someone suggested getting to a Club, easily done if there's one close to you. In your case you'd have to travel a few hours to Glasgow or Edinburgh, or even into North of England.

Instead, look for Socials in your region; if you can travel, look at any further afield. Get onto the Forums, as it's all about getting noticed.

Adopt Patience, Perseverance and a thick skin as standard but it does work so long as you put in the effort.

Good Luck.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We have the same problem but as the saying goes you meet someone when you least expect it..good luck

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By *lirty-CoupleCouple
over a year ago

Bexley

You're doing nothing wrong. With so many more guys here than women, it's largely a question of supply and demand. Aside from things which boil down to personal choice, we're only just coming out of an 18 month period during which meeting has been heavily restricted and even now people are still cautious about getting together again. You also live in a relatively remote and under populated area of the UK which doesn't help your cause. What proportion of women here do you think live close enough to you to make meeting practical and want the same things you do? Women/couples tend get lots of messages every day and can't possibly respond to them all. The chances are, they just check your profile and see you're not a good match for whatever reason then move on to the next one. You should see that as a polite 'no thanks' not proof that they're being rude/dismissive or even that you're doing something terribly wrong. If you scan through this forum you will see how often this subject comes up and maybe accept that it's not you. Best of luck.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You’re one of hundreds of guys to each female. Statistically you’re on a loser!

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By *reo DreamMan
over a year ago

Berkshire

do"

You just have to be patient. Hopefully when clubs open you can go along and start making some connections and meet some people in the life style.

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By *uliaChrisCouple
over a year ago

westerham

"You’re one of hundreds of guys to each female. Statistically you’re on a loser!"

Honestly nonsense, I've made threads about this before, but in summary it is extremely easy for a guy to stand out on fab.

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By *nblemishedhotwifeCouple
over a year ago

Warwick

Think it's the age old fab problem. Single guy's join Fab expecting women and couples to be queing up to have sex with them.

When it becomes apparent that's not the case and they have to put the effort in to there profile etc they just give up.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"You’re one of hundreds of guys to each female. Statistically you’re on a loser!

Honestly nonsense, I've made threads about this before, but in summary it is extremely easy for a guy to stand out on fab.

Exactly. Blaming the numbers is just making excuses for a lack of effort

"Think it's the age old fab problem. Single guy's join Fab expecting women and couples to be queing up to have sex with them.

When it becomes apparent that's not the case and they have to put the effort in to there profile etc they just give up. "

Yep. A lot of guys seem to think this is dial-a-shag and get the hump when they find out that it isn't

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By *lasphemousGirlWoman
over a year ago

Cambs

Lack of pics on your profile could be the problem.

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By *oxy babeWoman
over a year ago

gower

You’re asking for pics with a message, yet have none on your profile, not many women/couples would reply to a profile with no photos, also women get lots of messages so they are under no obligation to reply to any messages

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By *moothGrooveWoman
over a year ago

Durham

As a single female, I would probably delete and not reply

Your profile is rather demanding and seems to have quite a few rules. It doesn't come across very friendly. I am sure you're lovely, but maybe a few little tweeks could help your profile bio reflect that. Secondly, I don't tend to open messages from accounts that don't have profile pics. It usually screams lack of effort. Obviously you have taken the time to write a bio, but if someone has 20 messages and they're in box and they're going through them quickly yours will probably be deleted first without reading as you'd assume its a bare profile.

Very best wishes, I hope you find what you're looking for x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Snap mate.

Sadly these sites are very clicky. I get there's a lot of men to choose from and I may not be their type, but it's not great for us single blokes. Still get the deleted message, no reply or the Spanish archer whatever tact I try.

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By *rufinWoman
over a year ago

notts

As you asked, I thought I would take a look. These are my thoughts ...

You live in a remote area - less choice. Nothing you can do but have an amazing profile to compensate I suppose

your profile reads like you think there are women falling over themselves to write to you .. don't send winks ...send photos ...this isn't blind date ... It's a bit negative and bossy. Not my personal cup of tea. Reduces your field further to those who like negative and bossy men (you may not be like that, just talking about impressions given)

You don't have a profile pic (but women are expected to send you their face pics)

Your age range of 18-99 is flexible, you say... Above? Below? Doesn't sound great.

You want the elusive single woman ....or the even more elusive lesbian couple who have decided they would like a bit of dick. It's a tough ask. Especially in Aberdeen I'd have thought.

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By *ucka39Man
over a year ago

Newcastle

Could be many reasons your approach, your not what they are looking for they are fed up as females get loads of messages and at times miss a sensible message as they remove the lot so don't take it personally we all fit in with someone trying to get too know someone as a human being rather than sexually I find it's a bonus as people are interesting to know and anything else can become from this

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By *utton SimonMan
over a year ago

Sutton

Firstly , I would say have some appealing public profile pictures,, ladies and gents like to window shop. No pictures , lessens your opportunities

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Life is real

Computer games are not real

Game over?

No way

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By *etwifeandhim69Couple
over a year ago

Darlington

"I would suggest a club when they open if you’re brave enough "

Clubs and / or social events till restrictions ease.

Fabs got a lot of trimesters on it currently and the serious folk seem to heading back to the good old fashioned ways.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don’t think you are doing anything wrong. I think you need to be patient, I think there are an awful lot of males on here, so people have a good choice.

We are new too, we are a couple and looking for a threesome with another female, and this appears to be asking a lot too.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I also struggle! Anyone interested in chatting and helping me get verifications? New to this and only been with 1 woman so hoping to have a long and pleasant fabbing experience!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You need to advertise yourself better. You say you have pics but there are none on show.

I know that I will ignore someone who doesn’t have any pics showing, especially if you are asking for pics yourself.

Also, you need to be a bit more imaginative with your profile.

Plus there are probably 4 single guys on here for every single woman/couple looking for a single man. You have a lot of competition. Try and stand out from that crowd.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I keep seeing that single men have it tough on here. I would disagree.

I've met with couples, single females and the like. Just have to put the work in and when you message someone,

if you have no profile pic your message will be deleted.

If its just 187,689,875 photo's of closeups of your average cock that you are pushing the base in as to make it appear slightly larger than it actually is, then it will be deleted.

If your message includes the words "fuck" "cock" "meet" "now" it will be deleted.

You wouldn't go up to a woman in a bar and say "want fuck" or "meet now" would you?

Also, reading the profile helps massively as usually it tells you what they are after.

I would also imagine that if the people your messaging see self-pity posts like these then it probably speaks wonders.

Just my 2 cents as someone who has regular meets with people on here

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By *herryblossom_BJWoman
over a year ago

Oxfordshire/Hampshire

it's a probability game. Not everyone will be interested in you, only one or two, regardless how good looking etc you are. We all have them issues

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By *ittycenMan
over a year ago

south west

Plus there are probably 4 single guys on here for every single woman/couple looking for a single man. You have a lot of competition. Try and stand out from that crowd."

I think you might be being a tad generous in thinking there is a 4 to 1 ratio on here, I think it more likely that it is 40 plus to one!!

To the OP, yes it is absolutely a challenge to get women to meet you on here, there is soooo much competition (if that’s the right word). It isn’t beyond the realms of possibility to go for a year without meeting, and I can count on one hand the amount of times I have been the original recipient of a message. When sending, I take getting a reply as a success, even if it is a no lol, at least they replied!

Take your time, have faith and don’t expect them to come flooding to you.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"am i the problem? what am i doing wrong? i send a message to someone i think i match with and then its either unread and deleted or i get no reply, I've upgraded my account i've verified myself and i'm polite, i have face pics and am willing to meet socially so i dont know what more i can do"
how did you get verified!!! I have had some meetings with new people that are none verified like me as no one will give a none verified a chance

I wish you all the best

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By *aunchy RaccoonsCouple
over a year ago

Exeter

Not having any public pictures, especially a profile pic isn't going to do you any favours.

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By *sBlueWoman
over a year ago

Up North

If you do send me a message and have no pictures on your profile, can you include some with your message, This isn't blind date. I need to know what you look l8ke before taking any conversation further.

I appreciate that I don't have many on show here. I do have face pics in my private gallery and will happily provide them on request.

Are you having a laugh. You have no pictures on your profile!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If you do send me a message and have no pictures on your profile, can you include some with your message, This isn't blind date. I need to know what you look l8ke before taking any conversation further.

I appreciate that I don't have many on show here. I do have face pics in my private gallery and will happily provide them on request.

Are you having a laugh. You have no pictures on your profile!"

That's because everything on his profile from the second paragraph he's pinched from mine

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I appreciate that I don't have many on show here. I do have face pics in my private gallery and will happily provide them on request.

Are you having a laugh. You have no pictures on your profile!

That's because everything on his profile from the second paragraph he's pinched from mine "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"am i the problem? what am i doing wrong? i send a message to someone i think i match with and then its either unread and deleted or i get no reply, I've upgraded my account i've verified myself and i'm polite, i have face pics and am willing to meet socially so i dont know what more i can do how did you get verified!!! I have had some meetings with new people that are none verified like me as no one will give a none verified a chance

I wish you all the best

He isn't verified. He states in his original post that he verified himself - basically, he has complteted the photo verification process. This does not enable him to verifiy others.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

i think there are a lot of younger women who have been blinded by shows on t.v as to what a man should be like ,tats gym bunny and ill say no more love isl man

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm sorry but the lack of photos on your profile would make us not reply either.

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By *wholeLotOfRosieWoman
over a year ago

Pontypridd

"I keep seeing that single men have it tough on here. I would disagree.

I've met with couples, single females and the like. Just have to put the work in and when you message someone,

I would also imagine that if the people your messaging see self-pity posts like these then it probably speaks wonders.

Just my 2 cents as someone who has regular meets with people on here

The guys on fab that moan about not getting responses disagree with you. You, the guy with a great profile and good pics, who is getting meets and veris, are clearly wrong.

The issue is that women on fab are too choosey when they expect a man to make an effort when approaching them for a chat

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By *inky-MinxWoman
over a year ago

Grantham

" only so many rejections one man can take

Think about working on your own self confidence. Rejections from complete strangers shouldn’t upset anyone

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By *eedsmale36Man
over a year ago

Leeds

"It's hard work on here for single men as there is so many iv been on here on and off for 5 years and only ever had one meet "

Time to take up stamp collecting

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I get this alot but hey ho you live and learn I'm open straight forward

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I get this alot but hey ho you live and learn I'm open straight forward

Dudes not logged on since he's posted, think he's stamp collecting

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By *oulbrother67Man
over a year ago

Rochford

I've only been on here a few weeks and again virtually no replies and the ones that were, were polite no thank you's. But I think it's a great site. The profiles actually all seem like real people other than dating sites with fake profiles and bots replying to your messages. At least you're not getting fleeced even if you're also getting no action. There's some amazing people on here. Funny, sexy, engaging. Just need to chat with some of them. And therein lies the problem. With no verifications how do you get a verification! Personally I'm taking the plunge and going to a club (this weds) You only live once. I'll just bd happy to talk with some real people.

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By *oulbrother67Man
over a year ago

Rochford

it's a probability game. Not everyone will be interested in you, only one or two, regardless how good looking etc you are. We all have them issues"

Er, really Cherryblossom. You have those issues? I just viewed your profile and I bet you have to beat men off with a shitty stick to keep them away

A woman can always get a man. Even if she's unattractive because men (most men) will shag anything with a pulse. Some would even shag a pulse (chickpeas, lentils) if they had a hole.

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By *inky-MinxWoman
over a year ago

Grantham

"A woman can always get a man. Even if she's unattractive because men (most men) will shag anything with a pulse. Some would even shag a pulse (chickpeas, lentils) if they had a hole. "

How to win friends and influence people

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I keep seeing that single men have it tough on here. I would disagree.

I've met with couples, single females and the like. Just have to put the work in and when you message someone,

if you have no profile pic your message will be deleted.

If its just 187,689,875 photo's of closeups of your average cock that you are pushing the base in as to make it appear slightly larger than it actually is, then it will be deleted.

If your message includes the words "fuck" "cock" "meet" "now" it will be deleted.

You wouldn't go up to a woman in a bar and say "want fuck" or "meet now" would you?

Also, reading the profile helps massively as usually it tells you what they are after.

I would also imagine that if the people your messaging see self-pity posts like these then it probably speaks wonders.

Just my 2 cents as someone who has regular meets with people on here

Exactly

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

it's a probability game. Not everyone will be interested in you, only one or two, regardless how good looking etc you are. We all have them issues

Er, really Cherryblossom. You have those issues? I just viewed your profile and I bet you have to beat men off with a shitty stick to keep them away

A woman can always get a man. Even if she's unattractive because men (most men) will shag anything with a pulse. Some would even shag a pulse (chickpeas, lentils) if they had a hole. "

You shouldn't settle.

We don't

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