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A ‘No Thanks’ would suffice

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Hello all you lovely, sexy people! Hope you are all well

No doubt this subject has been covered before but I thought I’d ask the community for their thoughts.

So very often, after a wink or a message etc, instead of just receiving a ‘you’re not for us’ reply, I often simply get blocked or a message read but then deleted... I’m a big boy now so I’m not too hurt but for those of us that often take a bit more time to write a message it wouldn’t half be nice to at least feel that was acknowledged.

I appreciate that there must be hundreds of messages coming in to sexy people’s profiles and the filtering process might be laborious, but this for me, is a large reason why a great deal of guys might only message with a few words.

Anyone else feel this way?

Can anyone justify the reason to ignore and block?

Xx

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By *opsy RogersWoman
over a year ago

London

https://www.fabswingers.com/forum-search/no%2breply

There you go.

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By *evilandTheBeastCouple
over a year ago

Peterborough and Bedford

We do block people who we don't think are for us. That saves them messaging us again at a later date, or them coming up in searches. We usually send a message first though, something along the lines "thanks, but not for us".

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Ah ha! Typical bloke... need a women to find it! Thanks

This is interesting though, the common reply is a simple ‘I’m not interested’...

even when I’m accosted by a market research person in the street, I still find time to say, “no thank you”...

Why is the same courtesy not here?

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

See that to me sounds like a perfectly good way of dealing with it... - well done you! Haha

I understand the removing them from searches etc, makes it easier for you.

But at least you’re sending a quick ‘thanks, no thanks’

X

 (thread closed by moderator)

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By *hat BlokeMan
over a year ago

Harrogate

It does actually stop you writing more detailed introduction messages. Knowing that 99% go straight in the bin without even being looked at. Sadly there is no way to circumvent the garbage that a lot of ladies receive.

 (thread closed by moderator)

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By *opsy RogersWoman
over a year ago

London


"Ah ha! Typical bloke... need a women to find it! Thanks

This is interesting though, the common reply is a simple ‘I’m not interested’...

even when I’m accosted by a market research person in the street, I still find time to say, “no thank you”...

Why is the same courtesy not here? "

Why not read the threads on the link? Your questions have been answered hundred of times.

 (thread closed by moderator)

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By *oson-BlueCouple
over a year ago

North Kent

1. In the street you don't generally get accosted by multiple people at once

2. Saying no to someone often leads to abusive follow up messages, hell we had one last week complaining that we hadn't read his first message fifteen minutes after he sent it.

3. Some people get so many messages that it would take a significant amount of time to respond to them all.

4. It's accepted etiquette here that no reply is no thanks.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"It does actually stop you writing more detailed introduction messages. Knowing that 99% go straight in the bin without even being looked at. Sadly there is no way to circumvent the garbage that a lot of ladies receive."

Yes, I completely agree, it frustrates me to be put in the same category as the other halfwitted males on here but I suppose so long as I’ve got something dangling between my legs, I shall be thus tarnished with the same brush...

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By *atEvolutionCouple
over a year ago

atlantisEVOLUTION Swingers Club Stoke

Well. Think of it this way . . . when you get junk mail through you front door do you feel compelled to answer each one? Do you think that you'd better answer each one because it's rude not to?

I have been online almost 10 minutes and already I have 4 new messages asking me to play!

Nobody is 'entitled' to an answer just because you 'send' a message. In particular when a reallt lazt 'wink' is sent.

 (thread closed by moderator)

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)


"It does actually stop you writing more detailed introduction messages. Knowing that 99% go straight in the bin without even being looked at. Sadly there is no way to circumvent the garbage that a lot of ladies receive.

Yes, I completely agree, it frustrates me to be put in the same category as the other halfwitted males on here but I suppose so long as I’ve got something dangling between my legs, I shall be thus tarnished with the same brush..."

I've got no idea when someone writes if they're going to be abusive if I say no, and experience shows that a simple deletion cuts down on abuse.

You get used to it, the same way women get used to handling a level of abuse.

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

... plus if I reply it breaks any future message filter I've got.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

A block or delete is a "not interested". Would you be happy to receive a lot of replies saying just that?

I do get it, sending messages with little hope of a response must be pretty frustrating, for that reason we try to respond to most. However it's probably unrealistic to expect a response to all your messages.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Well. Think of it this way . . . when you get junk mail through you front door do you feel compelled to answer each one? Do you think that you'd better answer each one because it's rude not to?

I have been online almost 10 minutes and already I have 4 new messages asking me to play!

Nobody is 'entitled' to an answer just because you 'send' a message. In particular when a reallt lazt 'wink' is sent."

Thanks for that analogy, if a may continue that forward... my frustration is that my messages are being treated like the junk-mail rather than something worth reading... that is of course subjective but I would have thought it was fairly clear from the style and words used that I wasn’t a rude or abusive fabber and therefore dislike being treated as if I might be...

I’m not a sexy couple, I’m not a sexy woman so I know that my experience on here is vastly different from you guys that are inundated with idiots. Just wish there was a better way of showing it

Xx

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By *onderstuff73mMan
over a year ago

Brum

[Removed by poster at 25/08/20 10:07:51]

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By *onderstuff73mMan
over a year ago

Brum

I don’t ‘expect’ or consider a reply anything other than it is. A bonus.

What I would prefer is a delete rather than a read and leave. Then I know.

And I’ll always block the person knowing that I shouldn’t send another message.

I know what the site guidance says, doesn’t mean I have to think it’s right.

 (thread closed by moderator)

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By *atEvolutionCouple
over a year ago

atlantisEVOLUTION Swingers Club Stoke


"Well. Think of it this way . . . when you get junk mail through you front door do you feel compelled to answer each one? Do you think that you'd better answer each one because it's rude not to?

I have been online almost 10 minutes and already I have 4 new messages asking me to play!

Nobody is 'entitled' to an answer just because you 'send' a message. In particular when a reallt lazt 'wink' is sent.

Thanks for that analogy, if a may continue that forward... my frustration is that my messages are being treated like the junk-mail rather than something worth reading... that is of course subjective but I would have thought it was fairly clear from the style and words used that I wasn’t a rude or abusive fabber and therefore dislike being treated as if I might be...

I’m not a sexy couple, I’m not a sexy woman so I know that my experience on here is vastly different from you guys that are inundated with idiots. Just wish there was a better way of showing it

Xx"

I do open every message and read every message I more often than not do reply. I have been online about 20 minutes now and have 9 new messages. Only one is from someone I know, 7 are requests to play and one I don't properly understand co's it's just one random word lol.

I have replied often with a no thank you and got a rude reply in return. Most females on here learn this pretty quickly and just delete.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Well. Think of it this way . . . when you get junk mail through you front door do you feel compelled to answer each one? Do you think that you'd better answer each one because it's rude not to?

I have been online almost 10 minutes and already I have 4 new messages asking me to play!

Nobody is 'entitled' to an answer just because you 'send' a message. In particular when a reallt lazt 'wink' is sent.

Thanks for that analogy, if a may continue that forward... my frustration is that my messages are being treated like the junk-mail rather than something worth reading... that is of course subjective but I would have thought it was fairly clear from the style and words used that I wasn’t a rude or abusive fabber and therefore dislike being treated as if I might be...

I’m not a sexy couple, I’m not a sexy woman so I know that my experience on here is vastly different from you guys that are inundated with idiots. Just wish there was a better way of showing it

Xx

I do open every message and read every message I more often than not do reply. I have been online about 20 minutes now and have 9 new messages. Only one is from someone I know, 7 are requests to play and one I don't properly understand co's it's just one random word lol.

I have replied often with a no thank you and got a rude reply in return. Most females on here learn this pretty quickly and just delete.

"

Fair enough!

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By *onderstuff73mMan
over a year ago

Brum


"

I do open every message and read every message I more often than not do reply. I have been online about 20 minutes now and have 9 new messages. Only one is from someone I know, 7 are requests to play and one I don't properly understand co's it's just one random word lol.

I have replied often with a no thank you and got a rude reply in return. Most females on here learn this pretty quickly and just delete.

"

Completely agree!!

But! Those you aren’t interested in, could you hit delete?

One button...it’s so much more finite than a message being left dangling.

I know you don’t have to, but it’s a bit of compromise that I think helps the guy out...?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Hello all you lovely, sexy people! Hope you are all well

No doubt this subject has been covered before but I thought I’d ask the community for their thoughts.

So very often, after a wink or a message etc, instead of just receiving a ‘you’re not for us’ reply, I often simply get blocked or a message read but then deleted... I’m a big boy now so I’m not too hurt but for those of us that often take a bit more time to write a message it wouldn’t half be nice to at least feel that was acknowledged.

I appreciate that there must be hundreds of messages coming in to sexy people’s profiles and the filtering process might be laborious, but this for me, is a large reason why a great deal of guys might only message with a few words.

Anyone else feel this way?

Can anyone justify the reason to ignore and block?

Xx"

According to the FAQs, the rules of the site says no reply means no thanks.

So you are getting your reply, aren't you?

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By *arbellsWoman
over a year ago

Cambridge

Thing is as people have said above. If I have 30 new messages in my inbox, I go through them and reply, I then get messages saying why or expect a conversation or abuse back so before I know it I've spent 45 mins on fab when I could be doing something else.

I don't know why men feel hard done by when they don't receive a reply saying no thanks. As if it would be any different if it was the other way around and men were the most desired on fab!

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By *hat BlokeMan
over a year ago

Harrogate


"I don’t ‘expect’ or consider a reply anything other than it is. A bonus.

What I would prefer is a delete rather than a read and leave. Then I know.

And I’ll always block the person knowing that I shouldn’t send another message.

I know what the site guidance says, doesn’t mean I have to think it’s right."

I think a delete is better than a (hanging) message. There is always just that sliver of hope for a reply when a message is not deleted. But again if people are getting dozens and dozens of messages the may just do a bulk delete once a week.

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By *onderstuff73mMan
over a year ago

Brum


"I don’t ‘expect’ or consider a reply anything other than it is. A bonus.

What I would prefer is a delete rather than a read and leave. Then I know.

And I’ll always block the person knowing that I shouldn’t send another message.

I know what the site guidance says, doesn’t mean I have to think it’s right.

I think a delete is better than a (hanging) message. There is always just that sliver of hope for a reply when a message is not deleted. But again if people are getting dozens and dozens of messages the may just do a bulk delete once a week."

Agree. That’s fine too. It’s a delete. It’s definite.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

Can anyone justify the reason to ignore and block?

Xx"

Yes! You only have to experience 1% of the vile frustrated hate messages back to a no thanks message to see why many don't reply. Expecting people to reply says it all about someone's mind set and its just hypocritical as these people don't reply to every piece of junk mail they get.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

Can anyone justify the reason to ignore and block?

Xx

Yes! You only have to experience 1% of the vile frustrated hate messages back to a no thanks message to see why many don't reply. Expecting people to reply says it all about someone's mind set and its just hypocritical as these people don't reply to every piece of junk mail they get. "

Exactly this!

Go to your email junk folders and inbox and reply to every single junk mail with a no thank you. Also on your no thank you replies make sure to put your mobile number so they can start hounding you if they chose to.

If your ever with a fab female or couple ask to see their fab inbox it's an eye opener.

When we have replied to a few well presented messages from single guys with a no thank you they then go into a ultimate blag mode saying and trying anything to change your mind. Its creepy and frankly could scare some people. It's like they finally have a reply and then try and fight to make something happen and not let it get away.

KJ

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We firstly say not for us thats our way but then we get but why ?

If we say not for us it doesn't need a justification it means simply not attracted to you thats all x

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By *inky_couple2020Couple
over a year ago

North West

Replying with a polite "no thanks" opens up the abusive follow ups or continued attempts "can I contact you in the future?" "might you change your mind?" It's just easier to delete. We only block of we get abuse, we don't do that routinely.

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By *eeleyWoman
over a year ago

Dudley


"Well. Think of it this way . . . when you get junk mail through you front door do you feel compelled to answer each one? Do you think that you'd better answer each one because it's rude not to?

I have been online almost 10 minutes and already I have 4 new messages asking me to play!

Nobody is 'entitled' to an answer just because you 'send' a message. In particular when a reallt lazt 'wink' is sent.

Thanks for that analogy, if a may continue that forward... my frustration is that my messages are being treated like the junk-mail rather than something worth reading... that is of course subjective but I would have thought it was fairly clear from the style and words used that I wasn’t a rude or abusive fabber and therefore dislike being treated as if I might be...

I’m not a sexy couple, I’m not a sexy woman so I know that my experience on here is vastly different from you guys that are inundated with idiots. Just wish there was a better way of showing it

Xx"

Maybe your message is junk mail to them? If you're not what they are looking for, your message wouldn't be worth reading to them, it would be junk mail.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Replying with a polite "no thanks" opens up the abusive follow ups or continued attempts "can I contact you in the future?" "might you change your mind?" It's just easier to delete. We only block of we get abuse, we don't do that routinely. "

From experience we agree totally.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

In the Fab "rules" it does say that no reply means no thanks, and in time you will learn that and accept it.

The other thing to note is the ratio of women to men is very much in the ladies favour. For the ladies though, the downside is they are like a flame to every moth out at night, being a polite way to put it. As a result, they will be inundated with messages, sometime hundreds a day. Filters can help reduce that, and there could be other filters added to help here, but ladies get letters, lots of them.

There is a "fire and forget" approach to sending messages. Send it, forget about it, and if there is a response in your inbox, what a lovely surprise.

I get the junk mail metaphors people use, but remember that every message is from a person, and every inbox has a person reading. Fab can be unnecessarily callous at times.

Where I do get a little miffed though is profile who cite specific requirements, things your message must have, show you've read the profile, attach this that and the other. When you do follow the instruction pamphlet and then send a message, it's not a cold junk mail. It's amore like a tender, a response to an offer. At the very least those messages deserve a reply.

However, if somebody replies with a "Thanks, but no thanks" type message just accept it. There is no need to be rude. Some people are, and as a result the brush is wide and the tar is sticky.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"my frustration is that my messages are being treated like the junk-mail rather than something worth reading"

I imagine a lot of people, like us, will view the profile before reading your message. If they don't like your profile, what's the point in reading your message?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

As previously stated you dont reply to every email in your personal email account you receive that your not interested and it's the same here also as stated sometimes you simply havnt got the time to reply to each and every message with a polite no especially when your looking for someone there and then and thirdly when you do reply you then get the backlash of why not well if you change your mind ect ect ...and I cant understand why some of the people that do complain have obviously not read the profile but continued to message then wonder why its ignored or blocked or both when they are not what we are looking for and it clearly states on our profile or status ...when it states single men 25 to 35 then why are we going to want to read and reply to people out that scope or bi fem couples why will we feel the need to reply to straight couples ... this is supposed to be fun ...theres no fun in sending 100 replies of no thanks ...you pick out what you like then invest your time in those

Sorry just my thoughts xxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Ah ha! Typical bloke... need a women to find it! Thanks

This is interesting though, the common reply is a simple ‘I’m not interested’...

even when I’m accosted by a market research person in the street, I still find time to say, “no thank you”...

Why is the same courtesy not here? "

Because salesmen in the street aren't queuing to talk to you, then abuse or pester you when you reply

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I find that if I send a polite ‘no thanks’ they always seem to message back asking why so then I delete them they messaging back ! Some just can’t take rejection I suppose

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I e had 2 today one replied not what we are looking went to reply to say thanks for reply happy fabbing but was blocked another said I was too fussy asking what she looked like as it would be dark and not see her lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I was going to add my thoughts but your reply answered them.. thanks ( not expecting a reply lol )

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Another point is when your looking for a meet the same day then if your spending most of your time saying no to people then you could find yourself spending more time on fab and less time having an actual meet ....the more you reply the more who are online at the time will reply back and your inbox never gets cleared xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Ah ha! Typical bloke... need a women to find it! Thanks

This is interesting though, the common reply is a simple ‘I’m not interested’...

even when I’m accosted by a market research person in the street, I still find time to say, “no thank you”...

Why is the same courtesy not here?

Because salesmen in the street aren't queuing to talk to you, then abuse or pester you when you reply "

Agreed.

Imagine you have gone to town shopping but before you hit the shops there's a queue of 100 Street sales people lined up.

You say "no thank you" to each and every one of them yet 10 to 20 don't just accept that and starting hounding you with an aggressive sales pitch.

KJ

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By *hetalkingstoveMan
over a year ago

London

I never understand what the plus point of a 'no thanks' message is, anyway.

I don't think those who request them have really thought about what it'd be like to log in, be excited to see a load of replies in your inbox, and then find they're all 'no thanks'. And have that keep happening everyone you send out messages.

Surely that's more disappointing and dispiriting? Better to see a message in your inbox and be excited as it's likely to be returning your interest in some way.

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By *na WintersTV/TS
over a year ago

woodford halse

In my experience, guys tend to, not read profiles, and ask questions that have been covered there.

Why should I spend the time replying to a clearly waste of time message, when they haven't spent the time reading the profile I wrote to avoid those messages.

Aside from that, I will reply to guys who I can see have put some effort in, even if it's just a "no thank you".

But as previously mentioned here, guys don't handle rejection well, and either get super defensive and ask why I won't meet them, or get super aggressive and send abusive messages calling me every name they can think of.

Replying isn't worth the hassle.most of the time.

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By *ionelhutzMan
over a year ago

liverpool


"Hello all you lovely, sexy people! Hope you are all well

No doubt this subject has been covered before but I thought I’d ask the community for their thoughts.

So very often, after a wink or a message etc, instead of just receiving a ‘you’re not for us’ reply, I often simply get blocked or a message read but then deleted... I’m a big boy now so I’m not too hurt but for those of us that often take a bit more time to write a message it wouldn’t half be nice to at least feel that was acknowledged.

I appreciate that there must be hundreds of messages coming in to sexy people’s profiles and the filtering process might be laborious, but this for me, is a large reason why a great deal of guys might only message with a few words.

Anyone else feel this way?

Can anyone justify the reason to ignore and block?

Xx"

It's hard when you go to the effort of writing a decent messege but I think you just learn how to develop a thick skin on here.

 (thread closed by moderator)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"...when it states single men 25 to 35 then why are we going to want to read and reply to people out that scope or bi fem couples why will we feel the need to reply to straight couples ... "

Save yourself a lot of time and set up some filters... that way you will know that the smaller amount of messages in your inbox are from people who match your criteria.

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By *oner HornCouple
over a year ago

Leeds

Mr here

The approach we take is as follows (although we're human so it's not always a hard and fast rule)

*unsolicited winks ...fine we'll wink back if interested and then open a conversation...

Or we'll ignore (bit like flirting in a bar)

*unsolicited messages tend to get ignored and deleted (apart from rare occasions when they are really well put together or intriguing).

* we never block unless pestering is happening

---

*generally if we've been in a conversation and want it to stop, we'll ask first before blocking.

---

We generally wink first to gauge interest.

...but have sometimes directly mailed people (e.g. perhaps to comment on a status update or to approach a person/couple that seem a particularly good match on paper)

*we never get offended if our winks or occasional unsolicited mails are deleted.(its the start of something innit?)

----

Not sure whether this is exactly the official protocol, but seems fair for us.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"...when it states single men 25 to 35 then why are we going to want to read and reply to people out that scope or bi fem couples why will we feel the need to reply to straight couples ...

Save yourself a lot of time and set up some filters... that way you will know that the smaller amount of messages in your inbox are from people who match your criteria."

It doesnt give you the option just to filter a different criteria for single guys then a different one for couples hun and certainly doesn't give you an option so fab knows who your attracted to and who you are not xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"It doesnt give you the option just to filter a different criteria for single guys then a different one for couples hun and certainly doesn't give you an option so fab knows who your attracted to and who you are not xx"

But some use of filters does help, but obviously a filter won't know who you are or are not attracted to. Having looked at your profile I can understand the message overload.

But to the OP, its something you've got to live with. The vast majority of messages won't ever be read. If someone reads your message and doesn't reply, it may be a frustrating answer, but you've got the answer.

For the record, I've never found being polite an impediment on Fab, and on occasion has had a most delightful outcome.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"https://www.fabswingers.com/forum-search/no%2breply

There you go."

Thank you for this! Very useful.

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By *nblemishedhotwifeCouple
over a year ago

Stourport


"Well. Think of it this way . . . when you get junk mail through you front door do you feel compelled to answer each one? Do you think that you'd better answer each one because it's rude not to?

I have been online almost 10 minutes and already I have 4 new messages asking me to play!

Nobody is 'entitled' to an answer just because you 'send' a message. In particular when a reallt lazt 'wink' is sent."

Perfect response.

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By *dam1971Man
over a year ago

Bedford


"https://www.fabswingers.com/forum-search/no%2breply

There you go.

Thank you for this! Very useful. "

Chances of the OP reading it and accepting the answers: 0.00000024%

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By *ENGUYMan
over a year ago

Hull


"Hello all you lovely, sexy people! Hope you are all well

No doubt this subject has been covered before but I thought I’d ask the community for their thoughts.

So very often, after a wink or a message etc, instead of just receiving a ‘you’re not for us’ reply, I often simply get blocked or a message read but then deleted... I’m a big boy now so I’m not too hurt but for those of us that often take a bit more time to write a message it wouldn’t half be nice to at least feel that was acknowledged.

I appreciate that there must be hundreds of messages coming in to sexy people’s profiles and the filtering process might be laborious, but this for me, is a large reason why a great deal of guys might only message with a few words.

Anyone else feel this way?

Can anyone justify the reason to ignore and block?

Xx"

OP. You kind of answered your own thread when you suggested that some people may well get lots of messages.

That's it, in simple terms.

One female I know said late last year, she put up new pics on her profile, but within 24 hours, received over 500 written messages.

Another Couple with whom I've met, once said when they first joined the site, their In-Box was deluged with close to 700 approach messages.

More people have said similar stories.

But the common denominator is always the same, that the reply process is the same; ie, how long would it take for each of them to send out a personal reply of say, "No Thanks!".

In the nicest way possible, you may be the nicest guy going, but when recipients receive mass approaches, they have to be ruthless & react accordingly which doesn't make it right or not, but just being practical!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

As a single woman recently returned Fab I try to be polite but

I always delete without reading messages from too far away or just how you doing type enquiries, disgusting Fab names or cock pic profiles.

If someone local takes the time to send me a nice message I will reply after reading their profile, veris and looking at pics.

If I send a no thanks message and they still message me then I will block.

When I have been online chatting I often get so many messages from men who have just seen I am online and not read my profile that I just delete them all. My first few days back on Fab I was getting over 100 messages a day so was getting rid of them in bulk.

It can get a bit overpowering as a single woman but luckily I don’t get many nasty messages.

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By *eastAndTheHarlotCouple
over a year ago

Hartlepool

We try and reply to most people.

And in turn we quite often get abuse for rejections. A simple no, or not our type etc.

And what do we get back? Abuse. Insults. Vile ones, too. We've had our looks and relationship insulted multiple times simply because we're not interested.

We also get the people who we reject and then continue to message us a week later. Or even a say later. With another attempt.

So.. we don't blame anyone who just ignores, blocks or deletes.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm not bothered if they delete, block, both or send a message.

It is what it is, no point in worrying about it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I can honestly say I don’t have time I was active on my profile for 2 days posting pics etc. I started trying to be polite but it got to a point where it was stressful the ones you say no thanks to either reply back with why not or reply back thanking you for replying.

I’m here for me. On my terms

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By *oublethefunMan
over a year ago

royston


"Hello all you lovely, sexy people! Hope you are all well

No doubt this subject has been covered before but I thought I’d ask the community for their thoughts.

So very often, after a wink or a message etc, instead of just receiving a ‘you’re not for us’ reply, I often simply get blocked or a message read but then deleted... I’m a big boy now so I’m not too hurt but for those of us that often take a bit more time to write a message it wouldn’t half be nice to at least feel that was acknowledged.

I appreciate that there must be hundreds of messages coming in to sexy people’s profiles and the filtering process might be laborious, but this for me, is a large reason why a great deal of guys might only message with a few words.

Anyone else feel this way?

Can anyone justify the reason to ignore and block?

Xx"
you will have to put the blame down to the thousands of single guys that don't bother to read a profile before sending a message as 99% don't bother. When you get over 300 messages every day that have not bothered, trying to answer them is just to hard and the ones you do answer you then get a reply so not enough hours in the day to do so.

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By *exymidscouple2017Couple
over a year ago

Birmingham

I've got a great idea...

Fab to get rid of the 'sent' column

That way no one will know if their message has been read/deleted then they have no way of knowing if they've been left hanging.

We've sent messages but never look at in the sent column. If we get a reply then great..if not it's no big deal.

Also we don't always reply to every message either. Sorry not sorry.

*Mrs

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By *inaryGuyMan
over a year ago

Near the River

Maybe make Fab a subscription service - won’t solve the problem but definitely reduce the enormous m/f imbalance?

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By *teveanddebsCouple
over a year ago

Norwich

We always think that the type of person that asks "Why don't you reply" is just the type that would ask "Why not" if you did send a no thanks.

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By *uHorny1Man
over a year ago

Cannock


"Ah ha! Typical bloke... need a women to find it! Thanks

This is interesting though, the common reply is a simple ‘I’m not interested’...

even when I’m accosted by a market research person in the street, I still find time to say, “no thank you”...

Why is the same courtesy not here? "

When you go into town, do you get accosted by 250 market researchers as you try and make your way from the car park to the bank? Because that's what it's like for many women on this site. Which is why replying isn't really an option.

Also, when you say no thanks to a market researcher, do they get abusive, want to know why not and call you lots of nasty names?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Hello all you lovely, sexy people! Hope you are all well

No doubt this subject has been covered before but I thought I’d ask the community for their thoughts.

So very often, after a wink or a message etc, instead of just receiving a ‘you’re not for us’ reply, I often simply get blocked or a message read but then deleted... I’m a big boy now so I’m not too hurt but for those of us that often take a bit more time to write a message it wouldn’t half be nice to at least feel that was acknowledged.

I appreciate that there must be hundreds of messages coming in to sexy people’s profiles and the filtering process might be laborious, but this for me, is a large reason why a great deal of guys might only message with a few words.

Anyone else feel this way?

Can anyone justify the reason to ignore and block?

Xx"

I couldn’t agree more

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"https://www.fabswingers.com/forum-search/no%2breply

There you go."

This does not make it right Have the decency to reply even if it’s out of good manners!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

When I take the time to read a profile, write a message specifically to the person (or persons if it's a couples profile), it's useful to see if it's been read, and equally if they have gone on to view my profile.

A read message and profile view without a reply, well... it's a NO THANKS, isn't it? I have received polite, declining messages, and on occasion I send an equally polite "thank you for replying".

In no way is it acceptable to be abusive if somebody says no thanks. No reply means no thanks. And just keep in mind that a lot of people get a huge amount of messages, so if your message is actually read, that in itself is a result.

Finally, you cannot be responsible for or control other peoples actions and reactions. But you are responsible and in control of your own. Having a cock doesn't mean you should be a cock.

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By *sGivesWoodWoman
over a year ago

ST. AUSTELL, CORNWALL


"Ah ha! Typical bloke... need a women to find it! Thanks

This is interesting though, the common reply is a simple ‘I’m not interested’...

even when I’m accosted by a market research person in the street, I still find time to say, “no thank you”...

Why is the same courtesy not here? "

Because we end up being harassed and abused, that's why. Faq states no reply no interest. Did you read that section on joining OP? Literally hundreds of threads fo you to look at on this subject, perhaps you need to find them?

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By *sGivesWoodWoman
over a year ago

ST. AUSTELL, CORNWALL


"Ah ha! Typical bloke... need a women to find it! Thanks

This is interesting though, the common reply is a simple ‘I’m not interested’...

even when I’m accosted by a market research person in the street, I still find time to say, “no thank you”...

Why is the same courtesy not here?

When you go into town, do you get accosted by 250 market researchers as you try and make your way from the car park to the bank? Because that's what it's like for many women on this site. Which is why replying isn't really an option.

Also, when you say no thanks to a market researcher, do they get abusive, want to know why not and call you lots of nasty names?"

No of course they don't lol.

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By *sGivesWoodWoman
over a year ago

ST. AUSTELL, CORNWALL


"We always think that the type of person that asks "Why don't you reply" is just the type that would ask "Why not" if you did send a no thanks."

This is probably very true.

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By *sGivesWoodWoman
over a year ago

ST. AUSTELL, CORNWALL


"https://www.fabswingers.com/forum-search/no%2breply

There you go.

This does not make it right Have the decency to reply even if it’s out of good manners! "
it's a shame that many on here don't have the good manners not to harass or send abuse. Why should we have to open ourselves up to this at all.

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By *G CoupleCouple
over a year ago

kent


"

even when I’m accosted by a market research person in the street, I still find time to say, “no thank you”...

Why is the same courtesy not here? "

If you was accosted by 100 market research people a day, would you still find time?

Even if it impacted the reason you was in that place?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I often think a one click response would be good on here. For example, if you receive a message from someone you're not into, you could just click a button and a generic response saying "Thanks for your message, but you're not for me...." Totally understand the frustration when you type a message and it gets deleted.

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By *KMaxMan
over a year ago

Bristol

I normally end my messages by saying something like 'If I'm not what you are looking for, I wont be offended if you block to prevent further unwanted messages '

Try that, then at least you know your message has been read

It works for me. Mind you not many women will read this post, they've all blocked me!

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By *onderstuff73mMan
over a year ago

Brum


"I often think a one click response would be good on here. For example, if you receive a message from someone you're not into, you could just click a button and a generic response saying "Thanks for your message, but you're not for me...." Totally understand the frustration when you type a message and it gets deleted. "

I get you and agree, but that’s cos we’re two sane, nice, normal men. The majority won’t accept that and want to enter into a debate or worse, a slagging match and insult-fest.

A simple delete would be ideal.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


" f you was accosted by 100 market research people a day, would you still find time?

Even if it impacted the reason you was in that place? "

Not to start an argument, but the "market research" example doesn't quite fit.

One example, cold calling, or junk email. That's like people walking up to you randomly in the street trying to sell you something. Their offer can be completely irrelevant to you. That's not what happens on fab.

Now, consider you walk into a showroom, full of cars, or furniture, or white goods. You've walked in there because you have in some way an interest in the goods on offer. A salesperson approaches you. You can say, "I'm just looking", or say "Have you got a 3.0 GXL I can look at?" Thats more like fab. Everyone on fab has at least got some level of interest in what this is about.

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By *ownhouseTwosomeCouple
over a year ago

Birkenhead/Liverpool

our profile clearly states the circumstances in which your message will be deleted. If you haven't read our profile and you send a message, you deserve a delete. We don't block anyone unless they're being a dick but when you get several hundred messages a day, those who haven't bothered reading our profile get an automatic delete

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By *dam1971Man
over a year ago

Bedford


"https://www.fabswingers.com/forum-search/no%2breply

There you go.

This does not make it right Have the decency to reply even if it’s out of good manners! "

You haven’t read either the site FAQ or any of the replies, have you?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"... but when you get several hundred messages a day, those who haven't bothered reading our profile get an automatic delete"

Absolutely agree with that. and fully understand your stance, but in relation to the "several hundred messages a day" (and I know a lot of single ladies get those) are you using message filters effectively?

Maybe, the system needs a lot more filters?

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By *opsy RogersWoman
over a year ago

London


"https://www.fabswingers.com/forum-search/no%2breply

There you go.

This does not make it right Have the decency to reply even if it’s out of good manners!

You haven’t read either the site FAQ or any of the replies, have you? "

Oh the self entitlement is strong with this one.

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By *ablo minibar123Woman
over a year ago

.


" f you was accosted by 100 market research people a day, would you still find time?

Even if it impacted the reason you was in that place?

Not to start an argument, but the "market research" example doesn't quite fit.

One example, cold calling, or junk email. That's like people walking up to you randomly in the street trying to sell you something. Their offer can be completely irrelevant to you. That's not what happens on fab.

Now, consider you walk into a showroom, full of cars, or furniture, or white goods. You've walked in there because you have in some way an interest in the goods on offer. A salesperson approaches you. You can say, "I'm just looking", or say "Have you got a 3.0 GXL I can look at?" Thats more like fab. Everyone on fab has at least got some level of interest in what this is about."

I often log on to fab to chat to friends and read the forum's , so when i get 30 messages asking whether i fancy a fuck or do I want to meet 4 horny men for a gangbang, tbh it's pretty irrelevant

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

For the first time ever I received abuse twice this week

One from one a message a deleted and one from someone I didn’t even know in response to my update

It’s really made me wonder if fab is for me- I hid my profile and am now wary of starting any new conversations

I am of the same impression as many that a delete is a no thank you

I even say it on my profile but still the abuse!

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By *urvy ClarissaWoman
over a year ago

wigan

I don’t respond to every message as a lot of them are clearly copy and pasted and many are simply too crass for my liking. Also, if someone is asking to meet in a first message it puts me right off! I don’t necessarily block until someone becomes so persistent and irritating that I have to make it really clear that I’m not interested!

I’d much prefer a short message as a signal that someone is interested. If I message someone and they don’t respond I don’t take it personally, I’m just not what they’re looking for. I’d really rather have it that way than someone feeling the need to tell me that I’m not attractive!

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By *G CoupleCouple
over a year ago

kent


" f you was accosted by 100 market research people a day, would you still find time?

Even if it impacted the reason you was in that place?

Not to start an argument, but the "market research" example doesn't quite fit.

One example, cold calling, or junk email. That's like people walking up to you randomly in the street trying to sell you something. Their offer can be completely irrelevant to you. That's not what happens on fab."

It does happen, we still get loads of mail daily even though its clear we don't want it.

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By *ownhouseTwosomeCouple
over a year ago

Birkenhead/Liverpool


"... but when you get several hundred messages a day, those who haven't bothered reading our profile get an automatic delete

Absolutely agree with that. and fully understand your stance, but in relation to the "several hundred messages a day" (and I know a lot of single ladies get those) are you using message filters effectively?

Maybe, the system needs a lot more filters?"

As we are a club, we can't and won't filter anyone as we are open to anybody visiting us xx

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By *olden RatioWoman
over a year ago

Buckinghamshire


"https://www.fabswingers.com/forum-search/no%2breply

There you go.

This does not make it right Have the decency to reply even if it’s out of good manners!

You haven’t read either the site FAQ or any of the replies, have you?

Oh the self entitlement is strong with this one."

Mmm hmmm. Doesn’t look like he’s replied to anyone who has responded to his comment either.

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By *wistedeleganceCouple
over a year ago

Worcester

The biggest problem on here is the people who don't even bother to read your mail that you may have taken time to carefully put together. Deleting is absolutely fine by us but to not even read it or delete it is just ignorance!

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By *KMaxMan
over a year ago

Bristol


" f you was accosted by 100 market research people a day, would you still find time?

Even if it impacted the reason you was in that place?

Not to start an argument, but the "market research" example doesn't quite fit.

One example, cold calling, or junk email. That's like people walking up to you randomly in the street trying to sell you something. Their offer can be completely irrelevant to you. That's not what happens on fab.

Now, consider you walk into a showroom, full of cars, or furniture, or white goods. You've walked in there because you have in some way an interest in the goods on offer. A salesperson approaches you. You can say, "I'm just looking", or say "Have you got a 3.0 GXL I can look at?" Thats more like fab. Everyone on fab has at least got some level of interest in what this is about.

I often log on to fab to chat to friends and read the forum's , so when i get 30 messages asking whether i fancy a fuck or do I want to meet 4 horny men for a gangbang, tbh it's pretty irrelevant "

Did you do the gangbang though

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By *eavenscentitCouple
over a year ago

barnstaple


"Hello all you lovely, sexy people! Hope you are all well

No doubt this subject has been covered before but I thought I’d ask the community for their thoughts.

So very often, after a wink or a message etc, instead of just receiving a ‘you’re not for us’ reply, I often simply get blocked or a message read but then deleted... I’m a big boy now so I’m not too hurt but for those of us that often take a bit more time to write a message it wouldn’t half be nice to at least feel that was acknowledged.

I appreciate that there must be hundreds of messages coming in to sexy people’s profiles and the filtering process might be laborious, but this for me, is a large reason why a great deal of guys might only message with a few words.

Anyone else feel this way?

Can anyone justify the reason to ignore and block?

Xx

It's hard when you go to the effort of writing a decent messege but I think you just learn how to develop a thick skin on here."

Decent message or not, if people don't fancy you, it will be a no thanks

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


" f you was accosted by 100 market research people a day, would you still find time?

Even if it impacted the reason you was in that place?

Not to start an argument, but the "market research" example doesn't quite fit.

One example, cold calling, or junk email. That's like people walking up to you randomly in the street trying to sell you something. Their offer can be completely irrelevant to you. That's not what happens on fab.

It does happen, we still get loads of mail daily even though its clear we don't want it. "

But with respect, it's not the same thing!

A profile, on display, on a site such as this is an indication of interest, much the same way as walking into a big store is an expression of interest. You may not find anything you like, you may leave with nothing, but anybody who fits your filters can at least message you. Just like the spotty kid in Currys who asks if you want a washing machine is free to approach you.

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By *sGivesWoodWoman
over a year ago

ST. AUSTELL, CORNWALL

Just one question for the OP... Why haven't you replied to every comment on your forum post? I think it's bad manners not to have done this.

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By *eeleyWoman
over a year ago

Dudley


" f you was accosted by 100 market research people a day, would you still find time?

Even if it impacted the reason you was in that place?

Not to start an argument, but the "market research" example doesn't quite fit.

One example, cold calling, or junk email. That's like people walking up to you randomly in the street trying to sell you something. Their offer can be completely irrelevant to you. That's not what happens on fab.

It does happen, we still get loads of mail daily even though its clear we don't want it.

But with respect, it's not the same thing!

A profile, on display, on a site such as this is an indication of interest, much the same way as walking into a big store is an expression of interest. You may not find anything you like, you may leave with nothing, but anybody who fits your filters can at least message you. Just like the spotty kid in Currys who asks if you want a washing machine is free to approach you."

But if you were in curry's looking for a laptop and you'd made it very clear to the sales rep what you were after then he kept badgering you into buying said washing machine, you'd not be very happy.

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By *eeleyWoman
over a year ago

Dudley


"The biggest problem on here is the people who don't even bother to read your mail that you may have taken time to carefully put together. Deleting is absolutely fine by us but to not even read it or delete it is just ignorance!"

Often they will look at your profile first, if you're not for them there's no point reading the message.

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By *otlovefun42Couple
over a year ago

Costa Blanca Spain...


"Hello all you lovely, sexy people! Hope you are all well

No doubt this subject has been covered before but I thought I’d ask the community for their thoughts.

So very often, after a wink or a message etc, instead of just receiving a ‘you’re not for us’ reply, I often simply get blocked or a message read but then deleted... I’m a big boy now so I’m not too hurt but for those of us that often take a bit more time to write a message it wouldn’t half be nice to at least feel that was acknowledged.

I appreciate that there must be hundreds of messages coming in to sexy people’s profiles and the filtering process might be laborious, but this for me, is a large reason why a great deal of guys might only message with a few words.

Anyone else feel this way?

Can anyone justify the reason to ignore and block?

Xx"

Because many on here won't take no for an answer.

We say "no thanks" then they ask why What's wrong? or some who can't take rejection get all stroppy.

Some will message us with something like "nice pics". We used to say thanks, but not any more. Because as soon as you say that they then take it as an "in" for a conversation.

Last but far from least are the ones who send us a message like "fancy meeting for a drink and see how it goes".

That tells us they either haven't bothered to read our profile, or have chosen to ignore it.

We really do not have the time or the patience so we just ignore and delete.

We only block the persistent ones and/or the stroppy ones.

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By *itty9899Man
over a year ago

Craggy Island


"Ah ha! Typical bloke... need a women to find it! Thanks

This is interesting though, the common reply is a simple ‘I’m not interested’...

even when I’m accosted by a market research person in the street, I still find time to say, “no thank you”...

Why is the same courtesy not here? "

Because it not face to face.

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By *heShyBiCoupleCouple
over a year ago

Coventry

Had our first one today from an older couple. Had read the message and not replied to them. 3 minutes after we had read it we got a reply that said 'well thank you for your well mannered response it really show what kinda of people you are, manners cost nothing why don't you use them'. Before we could reply they had blocked us.

I just think a lot of people on this site need that ego and entitlement bubble bursting. You're a stranger on the internet, nobody owes you anything.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don’t know if this has been said already but what’s gets me is, in almost every message we get of single guys (sorry for grouping but it is just what we receive) they go straight to it! Even in a swingers club, if a guy just went up to a woman or couple and said let’s go and play right now, chances are they are not enticing anyone that way and that’s in person when you can see exactly what your getting. fab isn’t a dating site but at the same time, most people (that I have talked to anyway) use fab and clubs to experience something more than just a quickie. Seduction is a slow dance but most don’t seem to understand that. False flattery going straight into “want to play” also makes me cringe, It just appears desperate to me. Even though it’s just sex, there has to be a build up, if guys spent more time on their messages to one girl instead of what we can tell is diluted interest, they might get further and even if they don’t they may at least show they are different and receive a no thank you. just what I think...

Still never going to get away from the volume factor of ten men to one girl or whatever it is, can’t expect a return for something they never ordered

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By *penbicoupleCouple
over a year ago

Northampton


"Can anyone justify the reason to ignore and block"

I'll take this one.

It doesn't need any justification. People are free to reply, delete, ignore or block. I don't see any reason why anyone would need to justify themselves.

Might I suggest not messaging people if their chosen response is going to be a problem?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"But if you were in curry's looking for a laptop and you'd made it very clear to the sales rep what you were after then he kept badgering you into buying said washing machine, you'd not be very happy. "

Agreed, (and I'm playing Devils advocate here) but in approaching you, they are approaching you as you have shown interest in the wares on display in the store. Now, if they follow out into Starbucks next door and start their patter then, that's a whole different story.

I get the no reply = no interest. I get that some people are idiots and pricks.

But fab would be a happier place IF everyone remembered that before sending ANY message to any profile, it's a PERSON at the other end. Treat others as you'd like to be treated. You may not get it back, but you still have your own standards to live by.

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By *otlovefun42Couple
over a year ago

Costa Blanca Spain...


"Ah ha! Typical bloke... need a women to find it! Thanks

This is interesting though, the common reply is a simple ‘I’m not interested’...

even when I’m accosted by a market research person in the street, I still find time to say, “no thank you”...

Why is the same courtesy not here?

Because it not face to face."

Maybe to a certain extent, but you tell a market researcher that you are not interested then they will go and bother someone else.

On here there are quite a lot that just won't take no for an answer and will keep badgering you.

We really can't be arsed having to explain ourselves.

If they have read and understood our profile (very rare on here) know where we are, and can actually fit the bill, then they will get an answer.

However some deadbeat from 500 miles away that doesn't even know which country we are in won't even get a nanosecond of our time.

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By *itty559Woman
over a year ago

Fresno

Proper etiquette yes, but when i do send a no thanks, or sorry you arent what im looking for, I get rude messages back. So that has stopped me from replying back and I just simply block. Its way more effective and less of a pain in the arse my way.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"1. In the street you don't generally get accosted by multiple people at once

2. Saying no to someone often leads to abusive follow up messages, hell we had one last week complaining that we hadn't read his first message fifteen minutes after he sent it.

3. Some people get so many messages that it would take a significant amount of time to respond to them all.

4. It's accepted etiquette here that no reply is no thanks."

This

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Can anyone justify the reason to ignore and block

I'll take this one.

It doesn't need any justification. People are free to reply, delete, ignore or block. I don't see any reason why anyone would need to justify themselves.

Might I suggest not messaging people if their chosen response is going to be a problem? "

Covers it really well

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By *itty9899Man
over a year ago

Craggy Island


"Hello all you lovely, sexy people! Hope you are all well

No doubt this subject has been covered before but I thought I’d ask the community for their thoughts.

So very often, after a wink or a message etc, instead of just receiving a ‘you’re not for us’ reply, I often simply get blocked or a message read but then deleted... I’m a big boy now so I’m not too hurt but for those of us that often take a bit more time to write a message it wouldn’t half be nice to at least feel that was acknowledged.

I appreciate that there must be hundreds of messages coming in to sexy people’s profiles and the filtering process might be laborious, but this for me, is a large reason why a great deal of guys might only message with a few words.

Anyone else feel this way?

Can anyone justify the reason to ignore and block?

Xx"

It just the way of the internet, everyone can hide when they want to.

Just don't make yourself crazy over it.

Move on and don't let it bother you.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I get where guys are coming from it must be frustrating, however us gals get a crazy amount of messages and if I read and replied to all I wouldn't have any actual time to chat to people I wanted to or perv or forum chat or any of things I enjoy on here. Thiers currently 127 unread messages in my inbox that I can't possibly read and reply too. Give us gals a break most of us appreciate the interest and answer lots but to read and reply to all would just put me off being on here at all.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I ignore and block, it saves any hassle and you dont get shitty messages back when you politely tell them they're not for you

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By *rink Me xxWoman
over a year ago

Shropshire

I often find that if i send a "no thanks" message it just encourages some guys to try and chat even more! I think for most women here, its pretty much impossible to reply to everyone

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By *sGivesWoodWoman
over a year ago

ST. AUSTELL, CORNWALL


"I often find that if i send a "no thanks" message it just encourages some guys to try and chat even more! I think for most women here, its pretty much impossible to reply to everyone "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I often find that if i send a "no thanks" message it just encourages some guys to try and chat even more! I think for most women here, its pretty much impossible to reply to everyone "

Agreed better to just block

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I ignore and block, it saves any hassle and you dont get shitty messages back when you politely tell them they're not for you "

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By *lyreelMan
over a year ago

King's lynn

The cretins , I will not refer to them as men, who write, “ I want to fk u up the ars till u screem fore more” are the ones who spoil it for the other more sensible first messages.

Yes, it annoys me that I can write a lovely first message for it to be ignored but I accept it and move on.

Nowt else you can do really.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I just delete all my sent messages as soon as I've sent them. That way I don't know what the person has done with them and don't worry about it. I'll either get a reply or I won't. No point dressing, I realise women get hundreds of messages. If they don't want to or cant reply then that's fine

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Stressing lol, not dressing!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Hello all you lovely, sexy people! Hope you are all well

No doubt this subject has been covered before but I thought I’d ask the community for their thoughts.

So very often, after a wink or a message etc, instead of just receiving a ‘you’re not for us’ reply, I often simply get blocked or a message read but then deleted... I’m a big boy now so I’m not too hurt but for those of us that often take a bit more time to write a message it wouldn’t half be nice to at least feel that was acknowledged.

I appreciate that there must be hundreds of messages coming in to sexy people’s profiles and the filtering process might be laborious, but this for me, is a large reason why a great deal of guys might only message with a few words.

Anyone else feel this way?

Can anyone justify the reason to ignore and block?

Xx"

Until you have more messages coming in than you can reply to you can't relate.

In an ideal world I would like to reply to everyone but it's logistically not possible some nights. The two word messages are actually the problem tbh

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

It’s really interesting to read a varied response whilst also seeing a very clear common issue. It’s not necessarily that those that do ignore want to but that there is a fear or knowing that there will be abusive responses...

It does therefore seem to be an issue of respect (or lack of!) amongst us blokes... It’s a real shame...

Perhaps a star rating system could be introduced to perhaps show those who write politely in a better light and those who are rude wouldn’t so...?

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By *inky_couple2020Couple
over a year ago

North West


"It’s really interesting to read a varied response whilst also seeing a very clear common issue. It’s not necessarily that those that do ignore want to but that there is a fear or knowing that there will be abusive responses...

It does therefore seem to be an issue of respect (or lack of!) amongst us blokes... It’s a real shame...

Perhaps a star rating system could be introduced to perhaps show those who write politely in a better light and those who are rude wouldn’t so...?"

Re: your last point, maybe. But some of the ones who can't take a polite "no thank you" are politely persistent. And last night was a prime example of why people delete on the spot - a message with the word breed in the title and body asking about being on the pill. I'm not even going to open that up fully. Delete.

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By *heHookyMonsterMan
over a year ago

Liverpool

The truth is as a single guy you're rarely permitted to win. If you send one liners due to feeling you've wasted your time making a big effort previously then you're immediately pigeonholed as a waster by most single women and couples, plus the odd single guy who's either trying to be helpful and constructive, or a complete tosser who's simply using it to try to impress women on the forums by getting stuck into you. On the other hand if you don't make much effort theres an assumption by most that you can't be bothered, or aren't worthy of any kind of response and you blur into oblivion with the hundreds of others. Making an effort will probably only get you a one in a hundred response chances are and you'll either end up deflated, losing your confidence or disappearing. Either way it's mega important to remain dignified and not be bitter. People don't know you at all, so make sure you can look yourself in the mirror and feel comfortable. It helps keep you sane.

For the record I've probably felt all of those things myself, depending on how I'm feeling that day. Going to organised socials (and clubs when allowed) makes the biggest difference definitely, as people get to meet the real person in a non-pressured environment where they can discover the real you. Have to say Fab success for me is almost zero over several years, but in the other environments it's been high.

In the end people on here will tell you it's a numbers game (it is). They'll say you should just take no response as 'polite'. (It isn't really, but chances are they have a hundred others to do the same with in the time they have free, so chances are it's not going to happen). I tell myself I've lost nothing if so as chances are they aren't the kind of people I want to meet, that being so.

For the record its very rare I message anyone on here any more, so I'm not going to get a response - and in six years plus I've never had first contact from anyone. Accept you can't win and just do things your way, a way you can live with yourself and keepyour standards high. You're unlikely to get the kind of manners you'd hope to get in the real world. Often you get looked down on for even daring to question things as a single guy, with some treating you with contempt, then have your cards marked as a result. Everyone else will be doing things in a way that works for them too. Good luck!

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By *ercury96Man
over a year ago

Coventry

Hi I agree with OP a bit of politeness and a simple no thanks or we’ve changed our minds would be appreciated. I had a couple approach me, we exchanged messages and photos and they gave me very positive feedback on mine. They then asked me if I was interested in going round to theirs for a drink and chat. I tried to send a reply and then found I couldn’t and had been blocked!

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By *G CoupleCouple
over a year ago

kent

Will reply to all messeges in future.

Sorry we can't possibly find the time to reply or meet as we are far too busy answering messeges on here from people who haven't read our profile.

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By *ittyandtheboyCouple
over a year ago

Back of the bins.

Yesterday we had a chap message us, we ignored the message as we tend to with most single males that aren’t for us.

(The reason we ignore is because they normally then engage in “but why?”)

He then messaged us again so I messaged back politely telling him he wasn’t for us.

This is what we got back

“You didn’t have to reply to this one too. As of that fuk off you miserable little peasants”

So that’s precisely why we ignore or block:

Entitled males being pricks. Which ruins it for the good guys.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Yesterday we had a chap message us, we ignored the message as we tend to with most single males that aren’t for us.

(The reason we ignore is because they normally then engage in “but why?”)

He then messaged us again so I messaged back politely telling him he wasn’t for us.

This is what we got back

“You didn’t have to reply to this one too. As of that fuk off you miserable little peasants”

So that’s precisely why we ignore or block:

Entitled males being pricks. Which ruins it for the good guys.

"

In a nutshell

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By *harpDressed ManMan
over a year ago

Here occasionally, but mostly somewhere else


"Ah ha! Typical bloke... need a women to find it! Thanks

This is interesting though, the common reply is a simple ‘I’m not interested’...

even when I’m accosted by a market research person in the street, I still find time to say, “no thank you”...

Why is the same courtesy not here? "

Imagine a market researcher every two yards for your entire day.

Still saying "no thank you" to all of them?

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By *olden RatioWoman
over a year ago

Buckinghamshire


"Ah ha! Typical bloke... need a women to find it! Thanks

This is interesting though, the common reply is a simple ‘I’m not interested’...

even when I’m accosted by a market research person in the street, I still find time to say, “no thank you”...

Why is the same courtesy not here?

Imagine a market researcher every two yards for your entire day.

Still saying "no thank you" to all of them?"

And also not just one... imagine a group of several of them all following you around. I think that’s probably more accurate for a lot of women here.

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By *inky_couple2020Couple
over a year ago

North West


"Ah ha! Typical bloke... need a women to find it! Thanks

This is interesting though, the common reply is a simple ‘I’m not interested’...

even when I’m accosted by a market research person in the street, I still find time to say, “no thank you”...

Why is the same courtesy not here?

Imagine a market researcher every two yards for your entire day.

Still saying "no thank you" to all of them?

And also not just one... imagine a group of several of them all following you around. I think that’s probably more accurate for a lot of women here."

Yeah, packs of market researchers with their dicks out, don't forget the messages often come with unsolicited dick pics

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Hello all you lovely, sexy people! Hope you are all well

No doubt this subject has been covered before but I thought I’d ask the community for their thoughts.

So very often, after a wink or a message etc, instead of just receiving a ‘you’re not for us’ reply, I often simply get blocked or a message read but then deleted... I’m a big boy now so I’m not too hurt but for those of us that often take a bit more time to write a message it wouldn’t half be nice to at least feel that was acknowledged.

I appreciate that there must be hundreds of messages coming in to sexy people’s profiles and the filtering process might be laborious, but this for me, is a large reason why a great deal of guys might only message with a few words.

Anyone else feel this way?

Can anyone justify the reason to ignore and block?

How many messages do you think a couple receives in a day. We don't have time to reply to everyone if not interested simple as

Xx"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Hello all you lovely, sexy people! Hope you are all well

No doubt this subject has been covered before but I thought I’d ask the community for their thoughts.

So very often, after a wink or a message etc, instead of just receiving a ‘you’re not for us’ reply, I often simply get blocked or a message read but then deleted... I’m a big boy now so I’m not too hurt but for those of us that often take a bit more time to write a message it wouldn’t half be nice to at least feel that was acknowledged.

I appreciate that there must be hundreds of messages coming in to sexy people’s profiles and the filtering process might be laborious, but this for me, is a large reason why a great deal of guys might only message with a few words.

Anyone else feel this way?

Can anyone justify the reason to ignore and block?

Xx"

We will endeavour to reply to anyone who has contacted us after reading our profile to make sure we are a match.

To anyone else, they can politely go off and play with themselves.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I get that there are a few who spoil it for the many. I often wonder if they are as crude and stupid off line as on line, and maybe they are.

I cannot be responsible for how others act and behave, but I am responsible for how I act and behave. The recipient of any message on fab is a human, and I like to treat people how I like to be treated in turn. So I behave politely, with courtesy, honesty and decency. I don't always get it back, but I've maintained my standards.

When I send a message, it's a result if it's read, a bonus if they view my profile, and jackpot if I get a response. If somebody takes the time to say thanks but no thanks, I accept that for what it is. Often I thank them for that. Just manners.

Courtesy, manners and polite behaviour will not cause you a problem. I was recently chatting with a wonderful lady on fab. I decided it was time we met so asked her. Didn't go quite so well, as she replied, very nicely, explaining why that wasn't gong to happen. At this point, I could have done three things. Nothing, send a rude response, or thank her with a polite response.

I like to think of myself as essentially decent. As we'd been chatting for a while, and she was a very lovely lady who had taken the time to explain her reasons, I send an honest reply saying I understood her reasons, how much I appreciated her explaining things, thanked her for taking the time, and wished her well. Why not be nice? She was honest, and I liked her. So once it was sent I thought nothing more of it.

Who can guess what happened?

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By *herryblossom_BJWoman
over a year ago

Oxfordshire/Hampshire

This is been many of times this year and last year... generally us women get too many messages, we often have full time jobs, other commitments and can't spend hours doing admin to help men understand no reply usually means not interested.

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By *inky_couple2020Couple
over a year ago

North West

Man-Friday, but how does one distinguish the polite from the abusive? If you reply "no thanks", then it's pot luck. I'm sick of being abused for being disabled, fat, saggy boobs, my husband mocked for apparently being unable to please me (??) and all sorts of crude and disgusting messages about breeding, shitting on people, frankly yucky photos of penises that look like they need a trip to the clap clinic. Sorry, but unless we're interested, we've interacted on the forums or we know you, it's likely we will not reply. I just put a new pic up and within a few seconds of it being approved, 6 messages popped in the inbox. Literally within seconds.

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By *nigmatic_AngelWoman
over a year ago

The place where fairies live

I've it.just been able to post in forums but when I was reading replies yours made me laugh. .

You're suggesting people have bad manners for not replying to your message. But you're not exactly full of good manners regarding your partner are you? You say you need to be discreet due to your relationship where I would assume they don't know you're on this site.

Kettle . Pot.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Man-Friday, but how does one distinguish the polite from the abusive? If you reply "no thanks", then it's pot luck. I'm sick of being abused for being disabled, fat, saggy boobs, my husband mocked for apparently being unable to please me (??) and all sorts of crude and disgusting messages about breeding, shitting on people, frankly yucky photos of penises that look like they need a trip to the clap clinic. Sorry, but unless we're interested, we've interacted on the forums or we know you, it's likely we will not reply. I just put a new pic up and within a few seconds of it being approved, 6 messages popped in the inbox. Literally within seconds. "

Yeah, that's majorly disgusting, and goes back to my point that behind every profile there is a human (or two, or three). Nobody should have to put up with that abuse.

Someone else here suggested that because its online, its okay to be rude. By your standards, the abuse that lady gets is acceptable. Stop and think about that.

Online trolling and hating isn't acceptable, ever.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I've it.just been able to post in forums but when I was reading replies yours made me laugh. .

You're suggesting people have bad manners for not replying to your message. But you're not exactly full of good manners regarding your partner are you? You say you need to be discreet due to your relationship where I would assume they don't know you're on this site.

Kettle . Pot. "

It would help if we knew who that was directed at.

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By *inky_couple2020Couple
over a year ago

North West


"Man-Friday, but how does one distinguish the polite from the abusive? If you reply "no thanks", then it's pot luck. I'm sick of being abused for being disabled, fat, saggy boobs, my husband mocked for apparently being unable to please me (??) and all sorts of crude and disgusting messages about breeding, shitting on people, frankly yucky photos of penises that look like they need a trip to the clap clinic. Sorry, but unless we're interested, we've interacted on the forums or we know you, it's likely we will not reply. I just put a new pic up and within a few seconds of it being approved, 6 messages popped in the inbox. Literally within seconds.

Yeah, that's majorly disgusting, and goes back to my point that behind every profile there is a human (or two, or three). Nobody should have to put up with that abuse.

Someone else here suggested that because its online, its okay to be rude. By your standards, the abuse that lady gets is acceptable. Stop and think about that.

Online trolling and hating isn't acceptable, ever."

Eh? How am I saying abuse is OK? I'm saying I ignore disgusting and abusive messages and often choose not to reply random "hi" or black avatar profiles etc because I don't want to invite more abuse. This comes from experience. Unfortunately, it's impossible to know who will take the polite "no" and who will reply with abuse. Fab rules say no reply should be taken as a polite no, so I'm good with that. It happens to us too and we just take it on the chin and move on.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Eh? How am I saying abuse is OK? "

You're not, but somebody else, much earlier on, said because its online its okay to be rude. There are wrong.

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By *inky_couple2020Couple
over a year ago

North West


"Eh? How am I saying abuse is OK?

You're not, but somebody else, much earlier on, said because its online its okay to be rude. There are wrong."

Ah, comprende. I must have missed that one.......

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