FabSwingers.com forum: Message length

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

We all know how exciting it is to get a "hi, how are you" message.

One particular dating site I was on many moons ago had an option of choosing minimum amount of characters for received messages.

I.e. you can only send a message 100+ characters to a particular user if they have this filter on.

That kind of an option would greatly reduce spammy "hi" messages in people's inboxes and deter a lot of wasters from sending a message at all.

One's, who are willing to put the effort into getting to know the user theyre contacting - will actually do so too.

Also there would me much less hits to men's self esteem sitting wondering why all of their messages always get deleted.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's a good idea. I obviously don't get many messages let alone just "hi" but can see why other people would get annoyed with wasting their time opening them.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

It's not really about wasting time opening them. It's the fact that if one was to reply to every single "hi how are you" they would end up having a 100 identical polite small talk conversations all at the same time.

Why would anyone want to do it to themselves?

So there's not very much point in having your inbox open to them kind of messages if one never replies to them anyhow.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

That's very true yeah.

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

I think it'd see a rise in "hi xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx" messages, sadly.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I always say hello .. but like to compliment on photos and their profile . I always send a face pic with message .. never to long but enough to grab attention

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

"I think it'd see a rise in "hi xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx" messages, sadly."

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I think it'd see a rise in "hi xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx" messages, sadly."

Oh yes, that used to happen too.

But I did get a whole lot more messages that were actually worth reading at the same time

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

"I think it'd see a rise in "hi xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx" messages, sadly."

That's what some others said would happen when I suggested users optionally setting minimum message lengths, a few months ago.

I think it's a great idea and we could each experiment with the minimum character or word numbers, to find what helped ti improve our received message quality. Messages with more substance could improve the success rate of people too and help to stop the volume of mails that each contain just a sentence or so, often very short sentences.

We all filter others as possibles or not and anything that enables this to be done more effectively is worthy of consideration.

We would each have the choice to optionally use it, taking responsibility for our results. If some people were deterred from messaging me, because they only insist on writing 2 or 3 words, I'd be happy, as my minimum word or character count had given them an opportunity to know what I wanted and they thus had a chance that they discarded.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

In principle I think it's a good idea.

I find it hard to believe though that the recipient would be any better off as one of the most common complaints on fab is that ladies cannot even read all their messages let alone reply even now.

So say people had to start sending longer messages. I can see a few things happening.

1. This could then be used as another filter and people just start to avoid those who have it up as a requirement.

2. Ladies will have even less time to read the longer messages and so end up bulk deleting even more than now.

3. Ladies may then also think twice about replying to someone with this filter as it takes up even more time that they don't have and so even less messages are sent overall.

Just my first thoughts.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A simple 'hi' message is quite often preferable to the 'attempting to impress you drivel ' that guys seem to feel inclined to send after seeing so many profiles with a list of demands in them

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I never send a just hi, blah blah blah message, so thought I'd have a look at my past 3 weeks.

I've chatted or sent to 24 different people, 4 have read the message and not replied, 12 still not opened/replied.

Odds don't seem to be much different whether crafted or just a generic hi. You OP can testify that I don't send just hi how are you messages too.

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By *enbobjimMan
over a year ago

Wallasey

From a guy’s point of view it’s soul destroying sending detailed messages over and over to just get ignored. I understand ladies/couples get inundated and have the power to pick and choose. Short introduction face pics and detailed profile is best for everyone I would think. Then if you get a reply put more effort in.

Not that I get anywhere though ha ha

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It wouldn't really help in our humble opinion, people would just copy and paste a longer message.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We do understand this is a swinging site but putting a little effort into a nice polite message only takes a few mins xx even if its a polite "not for us reply"

It says a lot about you xx

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By *ntrepid ExplorersCouple
over a year ago

Birmingham

"We do understand this is a swinging site but putting a little effort into a nice polite message only takes a few mins xx even if its a polite "not for us reply"

It says a lot about you xx "

I think it can do, although there are so many different scenarios that others don't experience and understand it shouldn't necessarily be treated as a blanket thing.

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By *ntrepid ExplorersCouple
over a year ago

Birmingham

"It wouldn't really help in our humble opinion, people would just copy and paste a longer message. "

That would be worse? As long as it's well written, I don't see a problem with that. A few standard questions and conversations can easily grow. If not, a crap message is still a crap messeabd it'll always show.

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By *ungry CatCouple
over a year ago

Belfast

"From a guy’s point of view it’s soul destroying sending detailed messages over and over to just get ignored. I understand ladies/couples get inundated and have the power to pick and choose. Short introduction face pics and detailed profile is best for everyone I would think. Then if you get a reply put more effort in.

Not that I get anywhere though ha ha"

Any guy I ever spoke to, who asked for genuine advice. Who I have told to to read people's profiles before messaging and not just send a plain "hi" or "wanna fuck" or a detailed description of how they like to fuck has come back to me saying it worked for them.

So No, it would not be soul destroying. It would encourage one to read a profile first and upon reading a profile one would maybe discover that whoever they're about to message isn't looking for what they're looking for in a first place.

So instead of sending a bulk half assed message to anything that has a hole - one would possibly become more selective and put more effort into people he has a better chance of connecting with in a first place.

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By *ntrepid ExplorersCouple
over a year ago

Birmingham

Not that I get anywhere though ha ha

200 thoughtless messages, 0 replies

50 reasonable messages, 2 replies

There may be more effort required by writing a good message, but results, albeit ones I made up(!), speak for themselves.

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By *lan157Man
over a year ago

a village near Haywards Heath in East Sussex

I have suggested this before..that first messages should be for forced to be a minimum length . The argument that they would be padded out with xxx's does not work as the site should refuse any short message with the popup " your message cannot be sent because it does not meet the minimum length of (number) characters.This requirement is in place to ensure your message is more likely to be read" . Only an idiot would pad out a message with xxx's and therefore undeserving of any consideration. The point of minimum length short messages is to reduce the number of first messages and improve quality and I think it would go a long way to achieving that .

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By *ntrepid ExplorersCouple
over a year ago

Birmingham

"I have suggested this before..that first messages should be for forced to be a minimum length . The argument that they would be padded out with xxx's does not work as the site should refuse any short message with the popup " your message cannot be sent because it does not meet the minimum length of (number) characters.This requirement is in place to ensure your message is more likely to be read" . Only an idiot would pad out a message with xxx's and therefore undeserving of any consideration. The point of minimum length short messages is to reduce the number of first messages and improve quality and I think it would go a long way to achieving that . "

Don't enforce it, but put up a message saying "This message is way too short, and you will probably be dismissed for being lazy. are you sure you want to send it?"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"We do understand this is a swinging site but putting a little effort into a nice polite message only takes a few mins xx even if its a polite "not for us reply"

It says a lot about you xx

I think it can do, although there are so many different scenarios that others don't experience and understand it shouldn't necessarily be treated as a blanket thing. "

Exactly xx by reading someones profile you send your message tailored to them xx

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