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"As a Dominant it is very frustrating to have to search through all the profiles to find the submissive amongst them. If there was a separate tick box for Dominant or submissive it would make it a lot easier and also the amount of times I message someone who has SM in there list of likes and most of the time they dont know what it is so they get upset when you ask them about pain etc." No. I dont think some understand the bdsm scene and too many 50 shades brigade what they think they are “dom” or a “master” and have no clue | |||
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"We are a D/s couple. There is another site for that. And agree far too many wannabes on here, who think that because they once slapped a girls arse and asked her to call them daddy they are Dom's" Its why i dont think the labels on here will work | |||
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"Yes there are and trying to sort the true lifestylers from the 50 shades of shite brigade is a nightmare . I have had 2 wasted conversations today ." there is no such thing as wasted conversations.. And you wouldn't solve that with drop down menus as you have to talk to someone to see if they have a clue | |||
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"As a Dominant it is very frustrating to have to search through all the profiles to find the submissive amongst them. If there was a separate tick box for Dominant or submissive it would make it a lot easier and also the amount of times I message someone who has SM in there list of likes and most of the time they dont know what it is so they get upset when you ask them about pain etc. No. I dont think some understand the bdsm scene and too many 50 shades brigade what they think they are “dom” or a “master” and have no clue " I personally find these daddy doms hilarious, they think I'll buckle at my knees and submit to them if they send me a message saying 'get on your knees slut', that tends to be a huge give away whether they know wtf they are doing. I really don't think a drop down box will make a difference. Its obvious through meeting people whether they are the real deal or not. However other sites of the Bdsm nature do seem to be an awful lot of talk and very, very little action | |||
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"Yes there are and trying to sort the true lifestylers from the 50 shades of shite brigade is a nightmare . I have had 2 wasted conversations today . there is no such thing as wasted conversations.. And you wouldn't solve that with drop down menus as you have to talk to someone to see if they have a clue " Agreed. | |||
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"I have to be honest. I find most so called doms and subs on here are a million miles away from the true scene. What some call bdsm on here is mere titillation and fantasy. This is the wrong site for it. I've been in the bdsm scene 35 years,m9and I've been on here 10 years. There is no comparison. While some may call mild spanking and canings bdsm. Its not really now is it. The 50 shades tripe made a right pigs ear of it all. Bdsm has many various avenues and has many scenes to explore. It can Lead to pleasure for some but not all. Canings have to be carried out correctly and safely. It is not about beating the shit out of someone and causing unnecessary suffering like some on here seem to think. Trust and patience play a big part. Learn how to do things correctly. It's actually an art. Given anyone a whip, flogger or cane who thinks "hey that looks good I can do that" is a, recipe for disaster. " That comes across as though your saying nobody can learn or experiment or have fun with Bdsm ? Don’t look down your nose at others who aren’t as hardcore. | |||
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"I have to be honest. I find most so called doms and subs on here are a million miles away from the true scene. What some call bdsm on here is mere titillation and fantasy. This is the wrong site for it. I've been in the bdsm scene 35 years,m9and I've been on here 10 years. There is no comparison. While some may call mild spanking and canings bdsm. Its not really now is it. The 50 shades tripe made a right pigs ear of it all. Bdsm has many various avenues and has many scenes to explore. It can Lead to pleasure for some but not all. Canings have to be carried out correctly and safely. It is not about beating the shit out of someone and causing unnecessary suffering like some on here seem to think. Trust and patience play a big part. Learn how to do things correctly. It's actually an art. Given anyone a whip, flogger or cane who thinks "hey that looks good I can do that" is a, recipe for disaster. That comes across as though your saying nobody can learn or experiment or have fun with Bdsm ? Don’t look down your nose at others who aren’t as hardcore. " I'm not looking down my nose at anyone at all. But most on here are clueless, when it comes to bdsm. This really isn't the site for that type of fun. We all know it that is fact.yes we all have to learn. Most people I come across on here confuse abuse, with bdsm | |||
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"It does make me laugh the amount of people who harp on about the other site. Some of us want to combine swinging and BDSM. Also I can assue you that the other site have just as many dim done and Christian Grey wanna be's as on here! Believe me I have been contacted by enough. " if you get out and about into the scene properly Christian greys do not exist. They do on here though | |||
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"It does make me laugh the amount of people who harp on about the other site. Some of us want to combine swinging and BDSM. Also I can assue you that the other site have just as many dim done and Christian Grey wanna be's as on here! Believe me I have been contacted by enough. if you get out and about into the scene properly Christian greys do not exist. They do on here though " Hahaha. Oh they exist believe me. I've been out on the scene since I was 18 and have been involved in the running of some of the biggest events in the country. | |||
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"As a Dominant it is very frustrating to have to search through all the profiles to find the submissive amongst them. If there was a separate tick box for Dominant or submissive it would make it a lot easier and also the amount of times I message someone who has SM in there list of likes and most of the time they dont know what it is so they get upset when you ask them about pain etc. No. I dont think some understand the bdsm scene and too many 50 shades brigade what they think they are “dom” or a “master” and have no clue I personally find these daddy doms hilarious, they think I'll buckle at my knees and submit to them if they send me a message saying 'get on your knees slut', that tends to be a huge give away whether they know wtf they are doing. I really don't think a drop down box will make a difference. Its obvious through meeting people whether they are the real deal or not. However other sites of the Bdsm nature do seem to be an awful lot of talk and very, very little action" Completely agree, other places are dire. This for me, is the absolute best spot to find what I want. Yeah you have to sift a bit but some utter newbies with a skewed idea of what kink actually is, have had it set straight (gently but firmly) and gone off home muttering; SSC, Consent is everything and communication is the heart of kink under their breath. ; D I like to gently open eyes (and asses ) to the weirdsexyawesome that is kink done right. | |||
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"It can be a minefield on here...I have come across many "doms" on here who are in fact just " secret abusers" who tell you..." I'm blah blah and I'm a dom and I want to do spank you...I'm going to tie you up....I'm going to make you my bitch and and and....slot get almost offended when I point out it's so much more than what goes on in the bedroom and just because I am a sub it does not mean I will just submit myself to them...they think i should be hourned they want to...no mate....you got it all wrong.. like its pointed out above..I've found another website that caters for the lifestyle more specifically. " And that is *exactly* why BDSM very much has a place for discussion on here, to hopefully set straight those on *both* sides of the coin as to the differences between abuse and BDSM - just as dangerous as a "dominant" who thinks it's simply a case of picking up a flogger to become one, are the uninformed submissives who blindly do as they're told because they think, or have been told, it's the expected thing to do. There will always be, and always have been, abusive "dominants" and uninformed "submissives" both here and other sites more geared towards BDSM, and in the scene generally, but even if one person's eyes are opened by discussing it here it's a good thing in my book. There are many on this site, and indeed this thread, who are knowledgeable and the value of that is immense, and would be sorely missed if it were lost. Sadly I also find a lot of snobbery in some quarters where those seeking knowledge are looked down upon, or told they are doing it wrong and it's important not to lose sight of the fact that there is no true "right" way to BDSM other than that agreed between two (or more) consenting and informed adults - there are however plenty of wrong ways where consent and knowledge aren't present. | |||
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"It can be a minefield on here...I have come across many "doms" on here who are in fact just " secret abusers" who tell you..." I'm blah blah and I'm a dom and I want to do spank you...I'm going to tie you up....I'm going to make you my bitch and and and....slot get almost offended when I point out it's so much more than what goes on in the bedroom and just because I am a sub it does not mean I will just submit myself to them...they think i should be hourned they want to...no mate....you got it all wrong.. like its pointed out above..I've found another website that caters for the lifestyle more specifically. And that is *exactly* why BDSM very much has a place for discussion on here, to hopefully set straight those on *both* sides of the coin as to the differences between abuse and BDSM - just as dangerous as a "dominant" who thinks it's simply a case of picking up a flogger to become one, are the uninformed submissives who blindly do as they're told because they think, or have been told, it's the expected thing to do. There will always be, and always have been, abusive "dominants" and uninformed "submissives" both here and other sites more geared towards BDSM, and in the scene generally, but even if one person's eyes are opened by discussing it here it's a good thing in my book. There are many on this site, and indeed this thread, who are knowledgeable and the value of that is immense, and would be sorely missed if it were lost. Sadly I also find a lot of snobbery in some quarters where those seeking knowledge are looked down upon, or told they are doing it wrong and it's important not to lose sight of the fact that there is no true "right" way to BDSM other than that agreed between two (or more) consenting and informed adults - there are however plenty of wrong ways where consent and knowledge aren't present. " | |||
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"As a Dominant it is very frustrating to have to search through all the profiles to find the submissive amongst them. If there was a separate tick box for Dominant or submissive it would make it a lot easier and also the amount of times I message someone who has SM in there list of likes and most of the time they dont know what it is so they get upset when you ask them about pain etc." Couldn't agree more! Some (over sensitive) in my opinion types get quite uppity when you mention some things? I always try to make a sensitive approach but I do sometimes get blocked(unfairly) I think??? | |||
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"As a Dominant it is very frustrating to have to search through all the profiles to find the submissive amongst them. If there was a separate tick box for Dominant or submissive it would make it a lot easier and also the amount of times I message someone who has SM in there list of likes and most of the time they dont know what it is so they get upset when you ask them about pain etc. No. I dont think some understand the bdsm scene and too many 50 shades brigade what they think they are “dom” or a “master” and have no clue " Hear,hear again! 50 shades has a lot to answer for??? | |||
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"I have to be honest. I find most so called doms and subs on here are a million miles away from the true scene. What some call bdsm on here is mere titillation and fantasy. This is the wrong site for it. I've been in the bdsm scene 35 years,m9and I've been on here 10 years. There is no comparison. While some may call mild spanking and canings bdsm. Its not really now is it. The 50 shades tripe made a right pigs ear of it all. Bdsm has many various avenues and has many scenes to explore. It can Lead to pleasure for some but not all. Canings have to be carried out correctly and safely. It is not about beating the shit out of someone and causing unnecessary suffering like some on here seem to think. Trust and patience play a big part. Learn how to do things correctly. It's actually an art. Given anyone a whip, flogger or cane who thinks "hey that looks good I can do that" is a, recipe for disaster. " So very true. Personally, I use whip, cane for discipline and punishment. Though with a maso often the punishment is not to give them the whip or cane | |||
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"As a Dominant it is very frustrating to have to search through all the profiles to find the submissive amongst them. If there was a separate tick box for Dominant or submissive it would make it a lot easier and also the amount of times I message someone who has SM in there list of likes and most of the time they dont know what it is so they get upset when you ask them about pain etc. No. I dont think some understand the bdsm scene and too many 50 shades brigade what they think they are “dom” or a “master” and have no clue " This is what I was trying to say the other day about Dim Doms. 50 shades, everyone thinks they know BDSM. I was told, there are all levels of BDSM. And BDSM has place here in a swingers site. Why, when we get paddles out in a swingers club in the provided Dungeon do they run the other way and fast! ( voyuers that is). Or they feel they can walk up and slap my ass, uninvited? Why in a BDSM club there are " no sex" or no sexual acts aloud. BDSM and swinging do not mix. As I said the other day, swinger slap and tickle or Bdsm. Swingers have their site, kinksters have theirs. We're on both, and don't mix the 2. In answer to your question, I'm a sub, have a high pain threshold when in sub space. I can take a devils tounge. I'm owned and will not play with anyone other than my Dom. Swinging, I'm a vixen. Very happy to play and be shared around. I'm a greedy girl. Very very greedy. When I'm in Domme mode, I will not let a sub fuck me. Very clear boundries, but hard fir swingers to get their head around. | |||
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"As a Dominant it is very frustrating to have to search through all the profiles to find the submissive amongst them. If there was a separate tick box for Dominant or submissive it would make it a lot easier and also the amount of times I message someone who has SM in there list of likes and most of the time they dont know what it is so they get upset when you ask them about pain etc. No. I dont think some understand the bdsm scene and too many 50 shades brigade what they think they are “dom” or a “master” and have no clue This is what I was trying to say the other day about Dim Doms. 50 shades, everyone thinks they know BDSM. I was told, there are all levels of BDSM. And BDSM has place here in a swingers site. Why, when we get paddles out in a swingers club in the provided Dungeon do they run the other way and fast! ( voyuers that is). Or they feel they can walk up and slap my ass, uninvited? Why in a BDSM club there are " no sex" or no sexual acts aloud. BDSM and swinging do not mix. As I said the other day, swinger slap and tickle or Bdsm. Swingers have their site, kinksters have theirs. We're on both, and don't mix the 2. In answer to your question, I'm a sub, have a high pain threshold when in sub space. I can take a devils tounge. I'm owned and will not play with anyone other than my Dom. Swinging, I'm a vixen. Very happy to play and be shared around. I'm a greedy girl. Very very greedy. When I'm in Domme mode, I will not let a sub fuck me. Very clear boundries, but hard fir swingers to get their head around. " Like everything though it varies from person to person, individual dynamic to individual dynamic. What works for you might be completely different for others - neither is right or wrong, they're just different. It's often said that swinging and BDSM don't mix, and some even go as far as to say they shouldn't mix but that doesn't mean they can't - it's down to individuals to decide if they want it to. It doesn't make them any better or any worse than the next person, so long as they are doing it from a position of informed consent. As I said further up there's a level of snobbery on both sides of the BDSM/swinging coin in *some* quarters - surely it would be better if a level of acceptance was found for both? Just because someone's place on the BDSM spectrum is at the "slap and tickle" end of it doesn't mean they aren't into BDSM and so long as they are doing it with a level of knowledge and consent what does it matter? As I've said throughout this thread the real danger is when people aren't informed or consenting or worse still don't know what they are consenting to. | |||
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"i would luv to meet a domme lady but very hard to find one . There is a lot of messers or dont know anything about kink ." Dommes looking for male submissives are the unicorns of the BDSM world and as such finding one, and one that matches your needs is difficult, but not impossible - however it's key that you are as informed as you can be about your interests and the lifestyle in general, not only so you can avoid the "messers" (as you put it) but in order to attract the right one when they come along. Any Domme worth knowing will want to know your interests, boundaries, limits, preferred style, as well as why you think you'd make a good submissive etc and be able to show you've given it a lot of thought and not just seem some BDSM porn and got turned on. | |||
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"As a Dominant it is very frustrating to have to search through all the profiles to find the submissive amongst them. If there was a separate tick box for Dominant or submissive it would make it a lot easier and also the amount of times I message someone who has SM in there list of likes and most of the time they dont know what it is so they get upset when you ask them about pain etc. No. I dont think some understand the bdsm scene and too many 50 shades brigade what they think they are “dom” or a “master” and have no clue This is what I was trying to say the other day about Dim Doms. 50 shades, everyone thinks they know BDSM. I was told, there are all levels of BDSM. And BDSM has place here in a swingers site. Why, when we get paddles out in a swingers club in the provided Dungeon do they run the other way and fast! ( voyuers that is). Or they feel they can walk up and slap my ass, uninvited? Why in a BDSM club there are " no sex" or no sexual acts aloud. BDSM and swinging do not mix. As I said the other day, swinger slap and tickle or Bdsm. Swingers have their site, kinksters have theirs. We're on both, and don't mix the 2. In answer to your question, I'm a sub, have a high pain threshold when in sub space. I can take a devils tounge. I'm owned and will not play with anyone other than my Dom. Swinging, I'm a vixen. Very happy to play and be shared around. I'm a greedy girl. Very very greedy. When I'm in Domme mode, I will not let a sub fuck me. Very clear boundries, but hard fir swingers to get their head around. " That’s great and your personal choice preference and view on how you play and view Bdsm. But if others play differently or have different preferences it doesn’t make it wrong or mean they don’t understand it. | |||
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"As a Dominant it is very frustrating to have to search through all the profiles to find the submissive amongst them. If there was a separate tick box for Dominant or submissive it would make it a lot easier and also the amount of times I message someone who has SM in there list of likes and most of the time they dont know what it is so they get upset when you ask them about pain etc." I do see the downside to doing this but I still agree with you OP that it would be a handy extra option to have. | |||
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